Shared posts

04 Mar 19:36

Small-molecule cocktail could reverse hearing loss

by Mark Frauenfelder

Scientists conducting research into hearing loss have come across a compound the regenerates cochlear hair cells, which could lead to a cure for certain kinds of deafness.

From C&EN:

The snail-shell-shaped cochlea of the inner ear contains some 15,000 hair cells that are needed for humans to hear. Audiologist dogma holds that once these cells die off, they never grow back, leading to hearing loss.

But a new study suggests that hair cell death may not be as immutable as it seems. Scientists from Harvard, MIT, Brigham & Women’s Hospital, and Massachusetts Eye & Ear Infirmary have discovered a mixture of molecules that can dramatically reverse hair cell loss in the cochleas of mice.

21 Feb 17:36

Children Are An Earful In A Handful

by Not Always Related
Home | Chesterfield, England, UK

(I am deaf and wear hearing aids. Most nights I take them out and put them on the bedside table when I go to sleep. Luckily, I have a wife who is willing to take over ‘hearing duties’ whilst I’m out like a light and can’t hear anything unless it’s VERY loud! At this time, we have a four-year-old daughter who sleeps in her own bedroom next door. She’s just woken up early and comes through to our bedroom. My daughter walks round to my side of the bed and says something to me, but I’m fast asleep.)

Wife: “He can’t hear you, darling; he’s asleep and doesn’t have his ears in.”

(My daughter picked up my aids, cradled them in her hands, and started talking to them!)

The post Children Are An Earful In A Handful appeared first on Funny & Unusual Family Stories - Not Always Related.

17 Feb 09:19

The Plot Thickens

by Not Always Friendly
High School | Chicago, IL, USA

(My friend is doing math homework and talking himself through the problems.)

Friend: “Hmm, the graph flipped.”

Me: *mockingly* “Plot twist!”

Friend: “…was that a graphing joke?”

Me: *realization* “Did I… Was that… That was the best accidental pun I’ve ever made.”

The post The Plot Thickens appeared first on Funny & Unusual Friend & Stranger Stories - Not Always Friendly.

17 Feb 08:59

Scaring Them Straight Out

by BD
Retail | WV, USA

(I work at a rather well-known small retail store. I am very open about my sexuality and don’t tend to let other people’s opinions affect me. I am on register; it being a rather slow day I only have one customer in line.)

Customer: “That’s just sick, isn’t it?”

(She is motioning to a newspaper showing a homosexual couple that was the first to marry in our town.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Letting gays just marry and act normal… It’s sick that this is what society as fallen to.”

(At this point I am annoyed but decide to just ignore the comment and continue to ring up her items.)

Customer: “IT’S SICK, ISN’T IT?!”

(She is now yelling her eyes wide as she just stares at me.)

Me: “No, I disagree with you and so would my girlfriend.”

(The customer looks at me shocked before turning to my manager who is near by listening to everything.)

Customer: “Sir, can you ring me out? I don’t want this devil-worshiper touching anymore of my items.”

(I am now about in tears as I just stand there amazed by her ignorance.)

Manager: “No… I’m busy, but let me see if my boyfriend is free.”

(He started looking around before calling some random guy’s name into our otherwise empty store. The customer left without her things, mumbling stuff about Hell. My manager is a straight married man with kids… The world needs more people like him!)

The post Scaring Them Straight Out appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

10 Feb 07:39

Only Knows His QWERTYs

by Not Always Working
Office | UK

(I’m in my office when my receptionist comes in.)

Receptionist: “[My Name], have you been in the personnel files? They’re a mess.”

Me: “No. I told [New Guy] to take a look at them last week, though. Maybe he hasn’t gotten around to it.”

Receptionist: “No, he told me he finished yesterday.”

Me: “Well, it’s only us three who have access to them.”

(We decide to double check with the new guy and he confirms it has been done. I decide to check the files myself while the receptionist looks amused. They’re sorted correctly up to G, and then it goes completely insane.)

Me: “Well, either someone’s playing a joke or he’s lying.”

Receptionist: “I wonder…”

(She leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a confused expression.)

Receptionist: “He… doesn’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “…”

(We ended up putting sticky notes on the walls with the alphabet on them; one note for each letter. It really helped the guy, and our boss found it hilarious.)

The post Only Knows His QWERTYs appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

05 Feb 20:12

Magic and Other Weird Bollocks: The Hanging Tree by Ben Aaronovitch

by Liz Bourke

hanging-tree

I read Ben Aaronovitch’s The Hanging Tree on a very gloomy weekend. It turns out that The Hanging Tree is a book I really needed to read: it made me noticeably less gloomy.

The Hanging Tree is the sixth and latest volume in Aaronovitch’s Peter Grant series, following on from Foxglove Summer. Young Metropolitan police constable Peter Grant is one of only two police officers in London (in the entire UK) with the training to address magical crime. The other is his mentor, the exceptionally long-lived Detective Inspector Nightingale. The police force as a whole is not entirely keen on magic—or “weird bollocks,” as some of them prefer to call it—but the ones who’ve gotten most involved in Peter’s cases before are prepared to deal with it.

Fortunately for them, and for Peter, since an case that should’ve been a simple drug overdose is about to get complicated by its intersection with the inhabitants of magical London—the goddesses of London’s rivers, the peculiarly liminal demi-monde of the more-or-less human, and with Peter and Nightingale’s very own nemesis, the serial-killing Faceless Man.

The Hanging Tree begins with Peter getting a call from Lady Ty—goddess of the River Tyburn—to whom he owes a pretty large favour. Lady Ty wants her daughter Olivia kept out of trouble with the law, by any means necessary. Turns out Olivia was at a party where one of the partiers died of a drug overdose—and it turns out that the dead girl, Christina Chorley, shows post-mortem signs in her brain matter that she might have been what Peter calls a “practitioner” and what I can’t stop calling a wizard. Since it’s really difficult to learn how to use magic without being taught, Peter thinks this might be a tenuous lead that could shed some light on who the Faceless Man is and where he is now—not to mention Peter’s former friend, rogue police officer Lesley May. Of course, he still has to negotiate interviewing the great and the good and their children, which would be difficult enough if some of them weren’t gods and wizards as well as people with more money than Croesus.

What follows are hijinks, explosions, property destruction on the million-pound scale, a rival tradition of British wizardry (or rather witchery) that isn’t too happy with Nightingale’s old boys’ club tradition, and interfering American military contractors. And yes, the Faceless Man. Narrated with Aaronovitch’s trademark blend of wit, sarcasm, and police acronyms, The Hanging Tree is a breeze of a supernatural detective thriller.

It’s also a reminder that art, and representation, matters. Because as I started reading The Hanging Tree, I was watching sections of my national news—insular, Irish national news—report on the uptick of hate crimes and harassment of people of colour and LGBTQ people in the US after November 9, and compare it to the uptick of hate crimes in Britain after the Brexit referendum. The Hanging Tree is a book filled with people of colour, immigrants, and LGBTQ people, one in which it is more unusual for a named character to not share one of those characteristics than otherwise. And Aaronovitch has been doing something quietly radical in his Peter Grant novels all along. Grant is a young black police officer, the child of immigrants, and the novels are narrated from his point of view. In Aaronovitch’s narrative, not-white is the default state, and attention is most often drawn to characters’ skin colours or ethnicities where that is white or white British. In the Peter Grant novels, white is the marked state: everyone else is normal. (The Goddess of the River Thames is an immigrant. And all her daughters—including the one Peter’s sleeping with—are terrifyingly competent.)

For all my occasional problems with Aaronovitch’s work (not least the unresolved issue of Lesley May and her betrayal of Peter for a new face), this means a great deal to me. It means a great deal, too, that for most of The Hanging Tree, Peter’s partnered with an up-and-coming young police woman called Sahra Guleed, whose eye-rolling at the “weird bollocks” she has to put up with is really pretty great. (I want a novel just about her now: eye-rolling and stylish hijabs for every occasion!) And one of Peter’s senior officers, DI Stephanopoulos, is so scarily badass that rumours of her wife and their house outside London have never been confirmed.

The central mysteries of The Hanging Tree are at times a little tangled and confused, but the novel’s voice and characters more than make up for any minor defects. I truly enjoyed this book, and I really look forward to whatever comes next for Peter and his awkward relationship with the rest of the Metropolitan Police.

The Hanging Tree is available from DAW in the US and from Gollancz in the UK.

Liz Bourke is a cranky queer person who reads books. She holds a Ph.D in Classics from Trinity College, Dublin. Find her at her blog. Or her Twitter.

05 Feb 19:52

It Takes A Real Man

by Not Always Related
Restaurant | USA

(My cousin and I are out to lunch, just chatting and catching up. Both of us are married. I have a toddler and she has a set of twins who are about a year younger than my son.)

Cousin: “I don’t know how you do it! You have a full time career, then come home and are a great mom, AND you are starting up a business! I can’t imagine how you get everything done.”

Me: “I can only do it because of [Husband]. He’s a stay at home dad and watches [Toddler] all day, supports me 100% in my career, and is helping me by doing most of the background work to get the business up and running. Most of the credit goes to him. He really does most of the hard work.”

Cousin: “Well, yeah, I mean, I guess he helps out some, but really, you’re an inspiration and I don’t know how you juggle everything that you have going on.”

Me: “Thank you, but it really is all him.”

(My cousin dropped the subject after that.)

The post It Takes A Real Man appeared first on Funny & Unusual Family Stories - Not Always Related.

03 Feb 22:55

Drunk On Love!

by Not Always Learning
Elementary School | Finland

(I assist a teacher with first and second graders. Two boys, both seven years old, start arguing over something, which ends with this conversation:)

Boy #1: “Well, that’s because you’re gay!”

Me: “Hey! Do you even know what that word means?”

Boy #1: “Yeah, it’s when you’re really drunk!”

(I end up giving an age-appropriate explanation of the word while wondering if I was doing something I really shouldn’t.)

The post Drunk On Love! appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

03 Feb 18:03

Probably One Per Inch

by BD
Retail | UK

(I’m working to returns desk handling a small line which has gathered.)

Woman: “Is it possible to return this? It has been in my bag for the past month; I just completely forgot about it!”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Woman: “No, sorry.”

Me: “I can return it, but you will only get the current price, not the price you purchased with.” *scans item* “It would be £9.99.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s not so bad. It was £12.99, I think. Sure I can live with that.”

(Suddenly the man behind her sniggers.)

Man: “That’s not how you do a return, lady.”

Woman: “Excuse me?”

Man: “You’ve got to make them feel small. Kick up a fuss. Get loud. Demand a manager. You’d get that £13 back, no bother.”

(The woman stares at him for a long time, making his confident expression falter, before turning back to me.)

Woman: “How small does your d**k have to be to get a thrill out of £3?”

(The man turned red with embarrassment and fled the store. The rest of us had a chuckle and, while I couldn’t refund the woman full price, the rest of the line coughed up the remaining £3, for the entertainment.)

The post Probably One Per Inch appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

03 Feb 01:11

This Is A Bad Sign-ing

by Not Always Working
Retail | OH, USA

(My sister is partly deaf, so she speaks. She doesn’t know any sign language. We are at a teenage retail store in the mall shopping for her best friend’s party. A saleslady approaches us. There is another customer nearby.)

Saleslady: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. Are you finding everything all right?”

Sister: “Sorry, I have some hearing loss. What was that?”

Customer: *starts signing*

Sister: “Oh, I don’t know sign language. Sorry.”

Saleslady: “What? You don’t sign?”

Me: “Yeah, we didn’t know about her hearing until later.”

Saleslady: “What? Isn’t that a requirement? How can you be deaf and not sign? They need to make you sign.”

Customer: “Sweet Jesus. I thought only patrons did this. Now I know that the employee is not always right either.”

The post This Is A Bad Sign-ing appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

01 Feb 22:38

That Defining Moment When Math Makes Sense

by Not Always Learning
High School | Athens, Greece

(We’ve been learning about complex numbers, which have a real and an imaginary part. The night before I hadn’t slept well so I was very sleepy, which is obvious. Nevertheless I have been paying attention, although lack of sleep makes my mind not work very well.)

Teacher: *seeing me sleepy, probably thinking I am not paying attention* “[My Name]! Tell me what the two parts of this number are.”

Me: *seeing that he’s written “5+3i” on the board* “Well, 5 is the real part, and 3 the–” *thinking “opposite of real”* “–fake one.”

(Everyone turns to look at me.)

Teacher: *laughing* “Don’t be so lax with definitions!”

The post That Defining Moment When Math Makes Sense appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

31 Jan 23:58

For my fellow XCOM fans...

by EricKei
If'n you play XCOM 2, the new Long War 2 (free) mod has been released, by the same guys who made the original. For the uninitiated, this is for those masochists among us who feel that the basic game just isn't difficult enough for your tastes :devil: More to the point, version 1.1 has already come out, bringing with it hundreds of fixes, and a hotfix is on the way to deal with a few glitches caused by 1.1 :angel: They messed with the loading screens, as well, just because they could -- most of them now shift back and forth between facade and reality.

I strongly advise shifting any other mods you use over to LW2-compatible versions (things are different enough that many mod makers have made separate releases), and looking for one of the lists out there that show which mods are known to work with LW2. In general, anything purely cosmetic (voice packs, armor and weapon skins, etc), as well as many "add a button command to use in combat" will generally work, but beware most others.

Good luck, Commander :salute:
31 Jan 23:43

IUA = Ironic Use Of Abbreviation

by Not Always Working
Office | Newcastle, England, UK

Boss: “There’s too much confusion with jargon in this company; we need to cut down on TLAs.”

Me: “Erm, what’s a TLA?”

Boss: “It stands for three-letter-abbreviation.”

The post IUA = Ironic Use Of Abbreviation appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

31 Jan 17:41

Got All Tangled Before

by BD
Department Store | Topsham, ME, USA

(I stop by a department store after work to grab a few things. While in the grocery section, I see some dinosaur chicken nuggets and decide to buy them for myself, even though I don’t have any kids. At the register, the cashier rings up my groceries.)

Cashier: “You know, we have frozen chicken nuggets.”

Me: “These are frozen.”

Cashier: “No, these are dinosaurs.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I just kind of thought dinosaurs would be fun.”

Cashier: “Right, so I was just wondering if you saw the frozen ones.”

Me: *confused* “These ARE frozen ones. Unless I somehow grabbed some from a refrigerated section instead of the freezer?”

Cashier: *thinking* “I don’t even remember dinosaurs in frozen, but I could just be forgetting.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I got them from the freezer section.”

Cashier: *exasperated* “No, I meant frozen chicken nuggets.”

Me: “These ARE frozen chicken nuggets.”

(We both stare at each other for a moment like the other person is a total moron.)

Cashier: *sighing* “I meant Frozen. You know…” *awkward pause* “Like with Elsa. ‘Let it go, let it gooo!’”

Me: *throwing up my hands* “Holy s***, you meant the movie ‘Frozen’!”

Cashier: “Yeah.”

Me: “Jesus Christ, that was confusing.”

Cashier: “Yeah… here’s your receipt.”

The post Got All Tangled Before appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

28 Jan 13:40

White House confuses Theresa May, UK Prime Minister; with Teresa May, porn star

by Cory Doctorow

The White House's official schedule for UK PM Theresa May's state visit misspells the PM's name in three places, referring to her as "Teresa May," a soft porn star, model and musician. (Image: Charnwood Publishing Co Ltd)

27 Jan 07:43

How Often You Should Clean the Most Commonly Neglected Parts of Your Home

by Patrick Allan

You probably do the basic stuff when you clean your home, like wiping down counters and washing sheets, but some things undoubtedly get forgotten. This visual guide can help you establish a regular cleaning schedule for the stuff that tends to fall by the wayside.

Read more...

26 Jan 23:26

Squirrels you may encounter

by Caroline Siede
24 Jan 22:30

Degrading Yourself Further

by Not Always Learning
College & University | MN, USA

(Part of my job is to manage our grade appeal process. Students who appeal grades are required to complete a form explaining why the grading is incorrect. We have a narrow definition of what qualifies for a grade appeal. Students go out of their way to justify appeals. A student turned in the following form:)

Course Grade: “C.”

Expected Grade: “A.”

Rationale For Appeal: “I am not a “C” student. Therefore I can’t get a “C.””

Evidence: “If you look at my prior record, you will see that I have never had a “C” before, so I am not a “C” student.”

The post Degrading Yourself Further appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

24 Jan 22:30

Gets The Chest Signal

by BD
Bank | Rochester, NY, USA

(I am working as a bank teller at the drive-up window. A lady pulls up and I greet her through the speaker.)

Lady: “Can I ask a favor? I can’t find my phone in the car. If I give you my number, will you please call it?”

(I agree, and dial the number. Once it begins to ring, the lady jerks her head up with a shock, eyes wide. She proceeds to reach down her shirt and pull her phone out of her bra.)

Lady: “Found it!”

The post Gets The Chest Signal appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

24 Jan 18:42

Golden Years To Make You Feel Golden

by BD
Bookstore | Ottawa, ON, Canada

(I work at a secondhand bookstore and have an older couple come in. After helping them find a few hardcovers, the man mentions that they have been together for over 42 years.)

Wife: *declaring proudly* “42 and a half.”

(I ring them up, and because I can’t resist, I ask:)

Me: “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the key to staying together for so long? It’s lovely to see.”

(Her husband waits, knowing his wife will respond first.)

Wife: “Let’s see… patience.”

Husband: *joking* “Infinite patience. Especially for changing minds.”

Wife: “A sense of humour is most important to me, someone you can laugh with. He’s very quiet, but he tells the best jokes.”

(They look at one another, smiles on their faces.)

Wife: “And there comes a point, too, when you’ve been with someone for a few years, and that point is, ‘Should we stay together? Are you really the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with?’ And it comes down to a choice, you see. To love someone, with all their little quirks and complexities. And I knew I loved him, and I wanted him in my life. And I chose him.”

Husband: *with a smile* “I’ll always choose her.”

(They grabbed their purchases and left me with a warm feeling for the rest of the day. It’s moments like those that can make you believe love actually exists.)

The post Golden Years To Make You Feel Golden appeared first on Funny & Unusual Romantic & Love Stories - Not Always Romantic.

21 Jan 08:36

The Specific Lengths People Will Go To For Books

by BD
Bookstore | Germany

(I overhear this exchange at my local bookstore:)

Customer: “I would like one metre of books, please.”

Saleslady: “Sorry?”

Customer: “I just got a new wall unit for my living room and it has a one metre shelf for books, so I would like to buy enough books to fill it.”

Saleslady: “No problem. What kind of books would you like?”

Customer: “Blue ones.”

The post The Specific Lengths People Will Go To For Books appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

14 Jan 22:25

Sherlock’s Mrs. Hudson Gets Her Own Magazine Cover

by Emily Asher-Perrin

Ladylady cover, Red Sharlach, Tumblr

After seeing a wild(er) side to Mrs. Hudson in the latest Sherlock episode, Red Scharlach thought that everyone’s favorite not-your-housekeeper deserved her own publication to extol the virtues of exotic dancing, motoring, real estate, and “herbal soothers.” Because let’s be honest—we’d all prefer to be as boss as Mrs. Hudson when we grow up.

14 Jan 22:20

Deaf To Reason, Part 5

by Not Always Working
Office | Ottawa, ON, Canada

(I am hard of hearing and while I can hear and communicate with others if they are around me, using telephones or any devices where I am unable to see the speaker is a bit of a train wreck. My boss and manager are well aware of this fact, and assured me that I wouldn’t be expected to take any orders by phone. I’ve been working there long enough now that almost all my coworkers know about this arrangement, but one coworker doesn’t seem to quite understand and constantly complains that I’m just lazy. On this day the manager has stepped outside, so it’s just the two of us when the phone rings.)

Me: *already busy with an order* “[Coworker]! Phone!”

Coworker: “You heard it first. You get it!”

Me: “That’s not how it works. [Manager] is out and I can’t use the phone, so you’re the only one who can grab it.”

Coworker: *huffs* “I can’t believe how lazy you are! You always push this on everyone else so you don’t have to work as hard!”

Me: “No. Not only am I currently busy with an order but I also have no training to take phone orders, so even if I could miraculously use the phone I wouldn’t know how correctly input the order in the system and we would lose a sale.”

(He huffs and answers the phone, clearly not convinced. After he finishes taking the order and comes back.)

Coworker: “See?! I don’t get why you make such a big deal of this! You can clearly hear me talking to you so it’s really no different. I bet you’re just pretending to be deaf so you don’t have to work as hard.”

Me: “Um, it’s completely different. For one, I’m hard of hearing, not deaf, and I doubt anyone would want to fake not being able to hear because it absolutely sucks. I have no training whatsoever to take phone orders, so I make up for this by doing extra work around the store to balance it out. We’re in a enclosed area with very little background noise, unlike on a phone where the signal can cut out words and the line can hum loudly and drown out the customer on the other end. Not only that but the quality of the sound through a phone is very artificial to me. Also, I can read your lips and body language because I can see you to fill in the blanks, and I can’t do that over a phone. Anytime I’m forced to use a phone or device where I have to rely 100% on my hearing, I end up asking the other person to repeat themselves a LOT and still miss tons of information. So no, it’s actually extremely different from talking to a person in real time.”

Coworker: “You’re just lazy! There’s no way you can hear me but not use a phone!”

(I gave up and ignored the rest of his rant how I was faking my hearing impairment just to get out of doing my job. He eventually complained to our boss with this belief that I was pretending to have hearing problems to get out of work. She chewed him though and asked him if he seriously thought that anyone would actually pretend to be deaf for the fun of it. He was fired not too long after that.)

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 4
Deaf To Reason, Part 3
Deaf To Reason, Part 2

The post Deaf To Reason, Part 5 appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

13 Jan 07:06

Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes

by BD
Cell Phone Store | OH, USA

(I work in a retail store and I pick up a phone call. It is not abnormal for us to have people ask questions over the phone for rate plans and device info.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering about your prepaid plans. How much are they?”

Me: “The $50 plan gets you unlimited talk text and data with 1GB of 4G and the rest 2G speeds.”

Customer: “Oh okay. I have 2.5 GB right now…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Which is more?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is 1GB more than 2.5GB?”

Me: “2.5GB is more than 1GB, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much more is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry? How much more is 2.5GB than 1GB?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Uh…”

(I go on an elaborate explanation breaking down 1GB to approximately 1000 MB and 2.5GB to 2,500MB and hoped he could see the difference between the two better that way.)

Customer: “Um… okay… so…”

Me: “It’s double and a half more.”

Customer: “Oh! Double and a half! Okay! Thanks!”

Me: “You have a nice day, sir…”

(I could think of no simpler way to explain basic arithmetic to him.)

The post Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

12 Jan 21:24

A Leaking Boat

by Not Always Related
Boat | Chesapeake Bay, MD, USA

(My family has owned a boat for as long as I can remember. It’s a 40 ft, and sleeps my parents and me comfortably. A couple times per year, we take it down to Baltimore’s inner harbor, a ride well over an hour, sometimes closer to three in poor conditions. My mom and I typically go by car while my dad takes the boat and meets us there. We are expecting less than pleasant weather, so I help my dad on the boat this time. Note that I’m female.)

Me: “So, what do you usually do on these trips?”

Dad: “Audio books or music, usually. If I need a snack I slow to a crawl and run downstairs. Usually if I need to piss I’ll just go off the side of the boat. But with you here, you can drive while I go hit the head.”

Me: “Lovely image there, Dad. Guess it’s a good thing I don’t usually do this on my own. Peeing off the side of the boat is harder for us ladies.”

Dad: “Oh, it’s impossible for a lady. But a woman could probably pull it off.”

The post A Leaking Boat appeared first on Funny & Unusual Family Stories - Not Always Related.

08 Jan 18:30

Everything Eventually Becomes Porn

by Not Always Learning
High School | USA

(During English, we are playing a game called ‘Telephone’ where you whisper a message into someone’s ear and they pass it on until we reach the last person. The message tends to be different from the original by the time the last person hears it. We had one rule, and that was the message had to be appropriate. We’ve just reached the last person. Note: The original message was ‘The Cardboard King lives in a clock made of peanut butter’.)

Teacher: “All right, [Student #2], what’d you hear?”

Student #2: “I don’t think I should say it.”

Me: “Say it!”

(Cue a bunch of students encouraging the teacher to cover her ears.)

Student #2: “Hardcore gay porn.” *unintelligible muttering*

(We didn’t play another game.)

The post Everything Eventually Becomes Porn appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

07 Jan 21:42

French Makes Everything Sound Dirty

by Not Always Working
Theater | Canada

(I’m a stagehand, on tour with a French play. I’m an Anglophone, but, like most Canadians, I took French in school, and I’m a bit of a Francophile, so I have a basic understanding of the language and can speak a little.)

Me: “I need a pipe. Hey! I can say that in French! Je besoin un pipe!”

Francophone Coworker: *laughing* “No, you don’t want to say that.”

Me: “Did I say that wrong?”

Francophone Coworker: “You just said you need a blow job.”

Me: “I am never speaking French again.”

The post French Makes Everything Sound Dirty appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

05 Jan 22:07

That Is Statistically True

by Not Always Learning
School | Oshkosh, WI, USA

(I overheard this little gem while manning a booth in the student union.)

Student: “Stats isn’t math. It’s like, not math.”

The post That Is Statistically True appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

03 Jan 23:19

Two Girls, Three-Hundred Cups

by Not Always Working
Call Center | White Bear Lake, MN, USA

(My mom works in a call center that takes orders for homecoming supplies for high schools – banners, cups, foam hands, etc. In between calls she will look at orders, because whenever there’s customization, there can be typos. Luckily, this one she manages to catch before printing:)

Mom: “I think this order needs to be reviewed again before being processed.”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with it?”

Mom: “I don’t think they want 300 cups that say ‘The Red Hot Loins.’”

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02 Jan 23:46

Girl De-Power

by Not Always Working
Office | UK

(I’m a female administrative assistant in an open plan office, for a big company. Coworker #1, who is female, is a very high-up manager, and is waiting to go into a meeting while she chats to Coworker #2, also female, and a mid-level manager. Both are in their 30s, and very fashionable looking.)

Coworker #1: “I’ve got a [Project] meeting with the board of directors. I hate these things. It’s such a sausage party! Have we ever had a female director yet?”

Coworker #2: “Probably not. It’s such a boys’ club. Letting a woman in would shake up their way of thinking too much.”

Coworker #1: “If we all worked together, I bet we could pressure them into making the board a little more diverse. Girl power, and all that! Maybe I could be on the board. I’m already working on [Important Project].”

Coworker #2: “Hmm… I forgot, isn’t [Coworker #3] kind of on the board?”

(Note: Coworker #3 is another high-level manager, filling in temporarily on the board because of an ongoing vacancy. She’s in her 50s-60s, a large woman, and a frumpy dresser.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #3]? Ha, she barely counts as female, does she?!”

Coworker #2: “That’s true. Have you seen her?! She’s probably more of a man than the rest of the board combined.”

(They started laughing about it and made other nasty comments about her appearance. Yeah, nice to see that ‘girl power’ at work, ladies. Several months later, Coworker #3 officially became a board member. Too bad I didn’t get to see those two jerks’ reaction to the news.)

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