Abetrujillo

This is an wonderful way to turn a negative into a positive! Parents get the idea sooner or later that making light of a situation does more long-term good than sympathy. Turning monsters into a cause for celebration goes way back, though. Jim Henson did it for years. Comic by Lunarbaboon. 

From Drinks

Cacao nib-infused almond milk tastes great served frothy and chilled or heated up for an extra-special hot chocolate. [Photographs: Lauren Rothman]

Ever since I made pistachio milk a few weeks back, I've become obsessed with nut-based milks, whipping up a different batch each week week. These beverages are so easy to make—all you do is soak nuts overnight, then blend them with water and strain—and the payoff is huge, yielding smooth, delicate, creamy milks that are fantastic on their own and excellent poured over cereal. There's just no reason to buy the cartoned stuff on sale at your local supermarket; these are so much tastier.

An added bonus of going homemade: it's super-easy to flavor your nut milk with whatever strikes your fancy. When it comes to flavors, you're limited only by your imagination. There are two ways to add extra flavor to your homemade dairy free milk. First, you can season the finished product with flavorings like vanilla extract or ground spices. The other option is to add aromatics to the nuts as they soak, and then blend the mixture all together the next day.

For this recipe, I chose the latter method and used roasty, intensely chocolaty cacao nibs from Twenty-Four Blackbirds. You can find the nibs at your local specialty foods or baking supply store, or order them online. A little dose of cacao nibs goes a long way: just two tablespoons of nibs added to the almonds produces a lovely, nutty milk with a powerful hit of chocolate. Sweetened with agave and enhanced with a touch of vanilla extract, this is an excellent chocolate milk that's great served frothy and chilled or heated up for an extra-special hot chocolate.

About the author: Lauren Rothman once interned at Serious Eats and recently graduated from journalism school. Try the original recipes on her blog, For the Love of Food, and check out her (many) food photos on Instagram.

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Home | Oslo, Norway

(Our two-year-old daughter is quite verbal, except when she’s tired, hungry, or both.)

Daughter: “I want THAT! Not that, but THAT one!” *not pointing to anything in particular*

Me: “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Daughter: *whining* “I want THAAAAAAAAT!”

Me: “I really don’t understand what you’re saying when you are using your whiney-voice, and not telling me what you actually want. Could you try using your words to explain it to me?”

Daughter: *still whining* “Woooooooords!”

From the time they take their first steps to the time you send them off on the preschool bus, your life with a toddler is a trip through the looking glass. And just like Alice, you will be confused and confounded by something new every day. If you’ve never been totally in charge of a 2-year-old demon spawn from the pits of hell, you might find this amusing, if a bit incredible. If you’ve actually raised a child through the toddler phase, you will laugh uncontrollably at how spot-on this list really is.

2. THEIR RULES ARE LABYRINTHINE AND INEXPLICABLE

Watching a toddler is like watching an alien creature build some kind of extraterrestrial machine. It’s like watching ritually-peculiar Druid magic, or the interpretive dance of a sentient spam-bot. Our boy-human will put on an Indiana Jones hat and start calling himself “Nemo.” He’ll hand you things and then demand you hold them and if you try to give them back you’ve broken some ancient changeling contract. He’ll require a very particular truck and if you hand him one that is 95% the same truck, he’ll actually hate you — like, maybe literally hate you — for at least two minutes. (Then he’ll forget.) He’ll place things around the room or perform a sequence of events that, for all you know, is meant to unlock some kind of apocalypse. It’s methodical and maddening, like a bird building a nest out of watch parts. Other times? He’s not like that at all.

3. THE WOLVERINE TORNADO

Take a bunch of wolverines. Throw them into a roaring F5 tornado. That’s a toddler. It’ll tear through your home, shrieking and whirling about, scooping things up and depositing them elsewhere. It’ll lose things. It’ll destroy other things. It’ll change direction in the hair’s breadth of a moment — “I’m doing this no now I’m doing this other thing wait what’s that over there.”

Chuck Wendig’s observations as a father include a part about toddlers being “proto-teenagers.” As the parent of several teenagers, I look forward to his analogies when his child reaches that stage of life. And I will laugh then, too. -via Metafilter

(Image credit: Flickr user Janet McKnight)

BuzzFeedVideo shares with us some of the secret tricks used by advertisers to determine their customers to buy their products.


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The good news, if you’re a safety-minded person, is that the recall on Graco car seats announced last month and expanded a few weeks later was very effective. Maybe it was more effective than Graco had anticipated, because there’s now a long wait for replacement buckles.

The recall, as you may not remember, occurred because buckles on certain models of infant and toddler restraint seats were known to lock and refuse to open due to crumbs, sticky residue, or other remains of dropped or spilled food inside the buckles. This isn’t a problem unless you plan to use the seats for any actual children. Parents had cut the belts off in order to free their children from the seats

One parent who sent away for replacement buckles told the Wall Street Journal that the company sent a letter telling them to anticipate a 6-8 week wait because demand is just so high.

We are sending replacement harness buckles as soon as we receive them and many thousands of consumers have already received and installed them. We are doing everything we can to make sure you have your replacement kits as quickly as possible. However, we currently estimate that it could take 6-8 weeks from the time of order.

If you hadn’t heard about this recall yet and own one of the affected seats, call the company at 1-800-345-4109 (toll-free) or 1-330-869-7225 to get on the list. In the meantime, the company describes on their recall site how to avoid trapping your kid in the seat while you wait for new buckles to arrive.

For example: give the buckles a good cleaning.

‘Could Take 6-8 Weeks’: Graco Apologizes for Delays in Car Seat Recall [Wall Street Journal]
Harness Buckle Recall – 2014 Announcement [Official Site]

College Humor has created this helpful flowchart that helps you chose the right pet, in case you're looking to get one.


College Humor

Have you or your child developed a mysterious rash in unmentionable areas of your bodies? If so, you might need to check the labels of any pre-moistened wipes that your family uses for an ingredient that’s causing allergic reactions in many users.It’s not a sudden reaction that happens the first or second time that you use the wipes. For some people, it takes daily exposure over a period of years before they have any kind of bad reaction to the wipes. One mother described to New York’s WCBS her experience after suffering for more than a year from painful, blistering rashes on her hands. “The rash was driving me crazy and it was sometimes showing up on my face too,” she said.

After keeping track of everything that she touched for more than a year, she sought help from an Ohio State University contact dermatitis clinic. Eventually, she solved the mystery: the baby wipes that she used on her kids were destroying her hands. Now she only uses water to cleanse them.

The problem chemical is a preservative used in both baby wipes and pre-moistened toilet wipes for adults. It’s called methylisothiazolinone. Wipe-makers are searching for a replacement, since there could be millions of people affected by allergies.

Test wipes before use on a less sensitive part of your body that’s acceptable to scratch in public: say, your forearm or the back of your hand. If you develop an allergy after use, stop using any products that you suspect might be causing the problem for at least a month, since it can take that long for a rash to clear up.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because of the new beer stains on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in doing so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that its sufficiently out of order that Britain not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action anymore.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

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Earlier this month, The Meta Picture posted the story of World War I simplified into a bar fight, with each country being represented by one bar patron. Of course, this only simplifies the story if you already know what happened in World War I. This retelling has been around for a few years, the earliest version on the web being in 2010, as far as I can tell. If you enjoyed this, you might also want to read If World War II Were a Bar Fight.  -via Geeks Are Sexy

P.S. I changed the title to the subjunctive because grammar.

(Image source: The Meta Picture)

Grins and Snickers

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

Maybe we should send this to Woolies & Coles.

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed.
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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
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Smith climbs to the top of  Mt.  Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

The Huffington Post found a good name for a meme picture that originates in a Reddit post from this weekend.



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