Solgoodguy

"I love you, my dear Watson."

These three real trailers from South Korea's OCN (Orion Cinema Network) for Sherlock completely ignore the fact that the show is, like, about Sherlock solving mysteries. Instead, they make it seem like Sherlock and Watson are just having a long, drawn-out on-screen romance. And trust me, I would watch that show. I would! I would also happily watch Benedict Cumberbatch pick something out of his teeth, though. Fans of Sherlock know the show itself occasionally makes light of Sherlock and Watson being a couple, but this is sadly wishful thinking, South Korea.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

If you're going to have a relationship with your hand, you might as well dress it up.

Loners of the world, unite! Oh, right. They're loners. Well, loners of the world, pay attention so you can avoid unwanted human contact! People on the Internet wised up pretty quick to the classic "babe caught me sleepin'" fake photo, so those looking to catfish themselves have to seriously step up their game. Fortunately, this guy is here to show you how in 3 easy steps:

Cutting edge imaging technology isn't just helping us tiny humans — it's helping solve a dinosaur identity crisis. Researchers have developed a brand-new imaging technique that builds a 3D image of a dinosaur skull, creating a CAT scan-style readout. They say this technique proves that what we thought were three separate species of dinosaur are actually the exact same creatures.

Read more...

What we really need is more Yids on the playing field to be racist against, amirite?

Perpetually suspended Liverpool footballer Luis Suarez's racist, biting antics on the field were officially worth it, as they resulted in this completely amazing set of guidelines for all Liverpool players. I just love the idea of a bunch of hairy, athletic men in a locker room waiting while someone hands out this photocopied list of words they're not allowed to say anymore, and therefore will be saying constantly. At this point, you're basically just giving them ideas. Knob-jockey? Awesome.

Also, did you realize saying "don't be a woman" might be considered sexist?

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

This quote, attributed to Roman philosopher Seneca, reminds us that we make our own luck. The difference between lucky and unlucky people, we've seen before, is all in our perspective.

Read more...

Failure to teach my son at least ten sexual positions will result in non-payment.

Every once in a while, you hear an inspiring story about a parent buying their paralyzed son a prostitute so he can experience sex, or at least a more-understandable lady-rental for a virgin over 35. This lady, however, is setting a new standard for "helicopter mom." It's not enough that she probably scheduled every second of this kid's existence so that he could attend Harvard; after making him into such a Harvard-ready nerd, she now thinks his chances there will be harmed by virginity. So, like the Adderal that he probably doesn't really need or the SAT tutors for whom she probably also bought cars, she's taking care of it. 

Which begs the question: does she really think no one shows up to college as a virgin? What horrible teen movie is defining this woman's worldview? Furthermore, does she really think that no one shows up to HARVARD as a virgin? Even for someone as rich as this kid obviously is, that takes a lot of studying. It also implies that your son may not be an idiot, ma'am. He may very well be smart enough to figure out that the lady trying to sleep with him out of nowhere is kind of acting like a prostitute. He may also be a teenager, and therefore on the Internet, and quite possibly reading this right now. He's going to be way more pissed off if he finds out than if you had just brought a nice working girl home wrapped in a bow.

Finally, please, for the planet's sake, don't ever talk about how much body fat your son has, or how you're sure he's a virgin. Don't ever do that again. Please don't ever describe in a blow-by-blow account how you want her to "spring into action" on your son. Just... just stop doing everything you're currently doing, have a glass of wine, and look in the mirror for 36 hours, or until you have an epiphany about how awful you are. Whichever comes first.

(by Johnny McNulty)

By Rob Fee

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point, a large chunk of the internet turned into nothing but ‘80s and ‘90s nostalgia. Maybe it was VH1 and Michael Ian Black fawning over every tiny bit of merchandise or programming from those decades, but it’s gotten out of control. As much as you think you had the best childhood ever and all the things you grew up loving should be forever enshrined in the Halls of Valhalla, guess what? You’re wrong. Let’s take a look at one of the most popular cartoons, movies, and toys from the ‘90s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.