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19 Sep 09:54

How to master bondage behind closed doors

by Nick Howard

If you've attempted to do a little light bondage before then maybe this article will be right up your street and help you decide if you want to get a little darker!

It's well known that couples who have experienced with a little light bondage being tied up and treated a sex object, touched and played with, pleasured and satisfied without putting in much effort at all. Initially, it can be great fun but a lot of couple discover that this tends to be one sided.

You'll require initiative and imagination. If you have these two skills then there are plenty of bondage toys out there to aid your sexy restraining sessions on your journey.

If you can set a theme to begin with, you'll find your bondage play easier to maintain and keep fresh, time after time.

Here are some initial ideas to help you on your way!

1. A taste of bondage & discipline.

The term bondage often gets misconstrued. It's not just being tied down and beaten, on the contrary it's more about a lover being constrained, being a willing pupil, keeping their hands to themselves whilst you take the dom (dominant) role to teach them new experiences whilst they can't do any touching themselves.

Whilst they are tied up, show them how to excite you using your hands or sex toys.

Put on a show! If you like to use bondage toys here and there then feel free to use them as part of your show. Tease your partner by telling them what you're doing to yourself, how you like to be touched and where exactly. The more detailed and descriptive you can be the better and more tantalising it will be fore your partner.

Don't give in to your partner when they start squiggling and fighting the restraints. This display is better know as 'tease and denial'. It's where you know that they want to touch you but you won't let them. Well lot until they learn how to properly!

Explain to your lover what positions you like and exactly what you love about that position. Make sure they know how to do it exactly as you like it to be done.

Bondage does allow a little movement. For example you could use leg spreaders and wrist cuffs for their hands. These can be great toys for your bondage gear box of goodies.

The leg spreaders provide easy access to all your private parts between your legs and you can hold onto the convenient bar for the more awkward positions.

If you tie your lover up using their hands/wrists above their head you will have access to their torso, their legs and their crotch. You'll be able to move them into different positions and show them what really does it for you. The fact they are tied up means there is no danger of them moving out of position before you climax.

If you allow them to have some movement they will be able to participate in penetration whilst keeping a good balance. This would be an ideal time to teach them how to perform oral sex just the way you like it.

Bondage and oral sex make a great team. If your lover is tied up on their knees they can still perform oral sex. You'll have complete control over how they move and then you can tell them how orgasmic it feels when they do it correctly. This is one lesson the definitely won't being forgetting too soon.

2. Sensory play is part of bondage

When all of your senses are restricted (sight, sound, touch and taste), this is known as sensory play. It's where foreplay is a slow build up. It's all about the psychology and physicality stimulating your mind and body. It's up to you to try different styles of sensory play to discover how your lover's body reacts, likes and doesn't like.

If you're a fan of foreplay, sensory play is a great tool in your armoury. It compliments bondage by adding an element of anticipation into the mix and it stops your partner from going to fast and the experience finishing too soon.

It's not a must to be tied up but you'll discover that a blindfold will seriously enhance the session. Ear buds will also aid in blocking out all the sounds, such as vibrations. This bondage kit has all you'll need.

Different temperatures.

Whilst your lover is tied up and blindfolded introduce different temperatures. These will wake up all your lovers nerve endings. Ice is the obvious one but you could also consider glass dildos that can be both heated up or cooled down in water. Obviously make sure you don't make the temperatures too hot or cold and consider which parts of their body you teasing. They will react and let you know!

Watch them wriggle when the cold tingling ice runs down their body. They will pivot in all kinds of provocative motions.

A little pleasure and pain can work

This is all about balance and timing. Begin with several different pleasurable sensations and after a while throw in the occasional moment of pain then followed by another set of pleasurable sensations. During these short moments of pain it releases both adrenaline and dopamine into the blood stream and this creates a short period of natural high. At the same time all of your lovers nerve endings will be raised to the surface so the next time they will be even more sensitive.


There are some toys that can aid in this adventure, such as paddles, whips and feather ticklers. They can be used throughout the whole experience whether it be massage and foreplay or full penetration.

If you're seeing signs of enjoyment with this type of play then don't hesitate in using these bondage toys to exaggerate the intensity.

A spanking paddle is basically acts as your hand but is much better due to its larger surface and harder material. The flogger has long tails and is usually made from leather. You can caress the body with the tails whilst occasionally whipping the body for a little pain. Start slowly and work your way up the pain thresholds to discover where your lover's limit might be.

Here's an example of how you could do it. Whilst massaging your lover, try a quick spank to the buttocks or back of thighs. This will soon wake them up if they're getting too relaxed. We don't want them falling asleep now do we!

3. Tease, tie up and tantalise

Finally we have a more progressive style of bondage play. This is where you restrain your lover right up to the point of them climaxing and then suddenly reducing the stimulation so that the arousal dissipates. This can be a mutual experience so that both of you are synchronised with each others levels of stimulation. 

Although you can do this without bondage being involved it's not as powerful as without being restrained your partner can end up stimulating themselves to orgasm.

This method is not to be confused with the BDSM act of denial or ruined orgasm, the main goal is to tease and increase the intensity of frustration to exaggerate the final orgasm. Use good communication skills to ensure orgasm isn't reach at least 3 or 4 times before you allow them the full glorious climax. This will take time but once mastered you'll both be having a mind-blowing sexual experience.

If you want to learn how the bondage professionals do it have a read of our bondage for professionals blog article.