Raul B.

Sin necesidad de una misión espacial ni intervención física, los dos estudiantes de la Universidad de Sídney, en Australia, desarrollaron un software capaz de corregir el defecto desde la Tierra. El resultado: el telescopio más poderoso del mundo vuelve a funcionar como el primer día.

etiquetas: nasa, telescopio james webb, reparación

» noticia original (computerhoy.20minutos.es)

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En el mensaje de esta semana hablo de que a veces confundimos convicción con cerrazón. Escuchar no debilita el liderazgo; lo fortalece. Cuando un jefe deja de considerar que puede estar equivocado, deja de aprender y frustra a su equipo. Espero tus comentarios y tus experiencias

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Growing up on a Manchester council estate was tough in the ’70s. but when your mother is a cold woman with little time or care for you, beats you regularly, forgets to feed you, it’s little wonder you find yourself on the wrong path in life.

The Latchkey Kid is the author’s moving and powerful memoir which delves deep into his early childhood and adolescent struggles.

But unlike other tales of unfortunate circumstance, this frank and at times heart-breaking story also depicts the author’s journey of living with a relatively unknown mental health condition called «anhedonia».

M.J. Hugues is the author of The Devil’s breath, and Reality TV – The Novel. Mike was born in Hanover, Germany, and shortly after moved to Manchester with his mother and sister. He has delved into studies of the human mind, which inspire his writing. He lives in Cheshire with his wife and son, and his daughters all near by.

Estimated reading time: 39 minutes.

This book objectives:

• This is a true story, allowing for the inaccuracies of memory over time, every event you’re about to read of took place as depicted and made me who I am.
• I’ve written this book as a guide to a mental health condition that isn’t widely understood.
• I want people to understand how different my life is from theirs without that emotional range to guide what I do, and I want to show you how you take those little decisions, made every hour of every day, for granted.
• I also want to see if I can help someone else who recognized themselves in my personality; show them there’s a reason for how they are, a reason for why they don’t feel.
• I tried to raise awareness of this condition to help fellow sufferers.

Main ideas:

• I’m a professional at not drawing attention to myself and being invisible to you.
• I don’t go above zero on the emotional scale, and I don’t go below. I have never felt pleasure or enjoyment.
• Wants, desires and needs aren’t what someone with anhedonia experiences.
• This neutral state spreads to every corner of my existence: to find the best line of work for yourself, you need to have an interest in something, anything; for someone with anhedonia, there is no interest.
• To try and hide my lack of emotion, I become this social chameleon, acting and talking in a way that’s expected of me.
• Nothing ever offends me. And I really mean nothing.
• I just genuinely, automatically think about the practicalities of every situation, because I don’t have the emotions for anything else.
• I’ve learnt that «yes» is usually the best answer to most questions.
• I now have a moral compass to help guide my answers. I quickly judge whether there will be a bad outcome from my «yes» answer and if I can’t see a negative result, I say, «Yes».
• I don’t get enjoyment from anything, but I do get the let downs that everyone else gets, because let downs are practical not emotional.
• Without enjoyment, ever, my life is nothing more than a series of problems that have to be solved. And that’s it.
• I’ve always been quite intuitive, at least.
• As soon as Debbie was born, what felt like a duty to stick around changed; I wanted to be there, for her. It may sound strange, but because I had no emotion of my own I started to feel the emotions Debbie felt.
• I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel anything at all.
• Helping people also gives me a bit of purpose in my emotionless life, in one way or another, it means I have something to do that’s practical and filling the time.

Comments extracted from the book, they could be right or wrong, you decide for yourself:

• This is a true story, allowing for the inaccuracies of memory over time, every event you’re about to read of took place as depicted and made me who I am.
• I’m not a fan of labels, but the one that seems to describe my condition the best is Anhedonia.
• If I visit your home, I won’t get any enjoyment from the food you cook, I won’t get excited by your new gas barbeque and I won’t cuddle up to your dog. Even if you tll me it cost you the part of a grand, I won’t be impressed.
• If you work with me, I won’t want to ask you about your weekend on a Monday morning, or tell you about mine, or take you out at dinnertime, or think to put the radio on when it’s quiet so we can have a sing-song.
• I’m a professional at not drawing attention to myself and being invisible to you.
• Anhedonia is often experienced by those who are depressed. For me, however, it’s a bit different. This is a lifelong condition and it’s never caused me to get depressed.
• I don’t go above zero on the emotional scale, and I don’t go below. I have never felt pleasure or enjoyment, so how could I possibly feel the depths of such despair?
• We’re not interested in finding out why. We would never think to discuss it with a friend or family member, what good would it do?
• We wouldn’t go to see a doctor or psychiatrist, as that would involve some kind of emotional decision, a want to change yourself, a desire to be different, a need to know what’s wrong, and wants, desires and needs aren’t what someone with anhedonia experiences.
• That’s what latch key kids did, we just got on with things, there was nobody to comfort us, there was nobody to cry to, there was nobody to help us, we could not afford to be sensitive.
• The zero level of emotional engagement means I have no interest in anything. I mean nothing. And I hever have. Not food, or drink, or drugs, or sex, or clothes, or travel, or music, or sport, or politics, or business, or finance, or anything else you can imagine.
• If there’s nothing I’m required to do, I can sit for hours, even days, just waiting, the TV on in the background, a book in my hand. Great for airport delays, not so great for getting ahead in life.
• This neutral state spreads to every corner of my existence: to find the best line of work for yourself, you need to have an interest in something, anything;
  • to save money, you need to have an interest in the thing you’re saving for;
  • to go down the pub, you need to have an interest in others;
  • to feel angry, you need to have an interest in whatever it is you’re fighting for or about;
  • to feel sexy, you need to have an interest in sex;
  • to love someone, you need to have an interest in affection and closeness.
  • To feel any kind of drive, or motivation, you need to have an interest in whatever it is you’re going to do.
  • For someone with anhedonia, there is no interest.
• I’ve written this book as a guide to a mental health condition that isn’t widely understood.
• I want people to understand how different my life is from theirs without that emotional range to guide what I do, and I want to show you how you take those little decisions, made every hour of every day, for granted. I also want to see if I can help someone else who recognized themselves in my personality; show them there’s a reason for how they are, a reason for why they don’t feel.
• Although I have never cared for anything, it’s always been hard to understand why I don’t have the reactions of everyone else. «Anhedonia» gives me an explanation for why I am how I am. And this makes my life easier. I no longer have to try and explain something that’s inexplicable, to myself, or to anyone else.
• It doesn’t really matter where it came from, because this is how I’ve always been and I’ve learnt to cope with it, and how to act like a normal person in everyday life.
• Fitting in with other people has always been important to me. Not because I want close friendships (I don’t really like talking to people) but because there are practical benefits to having people around who like me.
• In order to appear like a normal human being I become a kind of chameleon when I’m put in a social situation, mimicking your behavior, matching your body language, feigning interest in your interests, copying your style of conversation, all to look like I’m not completely emotionally void.
• As soon as I meet someone new, I try to pick up on something they’re interested in and give them a random fact that’s related.
• Believe, we don’t have a common interest. But that’s not your fault.
• If we’re likely to be talking for a while, I’ll do my best to lead the conversation on to your upbringing, or religion, or the state of the world. I’m able to deal with intense conversation far more easily than chitchat about football or soap stars, because there’s no practical need for anyone to know about hat tricks, or Sharon Whatsit on Eastenders.
• To me, deep conversations are practical: both of us might learn something that we can apply to another area of life.
• To try and hide my lack of emotion, I become this social chameleon, acting and talking in a way that’s expected of me. Basically, by mimicking your emotions, I can be highly likeable because I appear just like you, if not exactly like you. This, however, is extremely draining.
• I sometimes forget that other people have emotional responses.
• Nothing ever offends me. And I really mean nothing.
• While I never want to upset anyone, it’s hard to get my head around the fact that other people can be incredibly sensitive, about the words I use, the answers I give to problems, the responses I have to illness and death. I basically don’t have a filter. And it gets me into trouble.
• I just genuinely, automatically think about the practicalities of every situation, because I don’t have the emotions for anything else. This means that to put up with the real me, you have to have a pretty tolerant attitude.
• There’s actually only one person I’ve ever managed to keep, what you might call, a «friendship» with over a long period of time.
• I feel more secure on my own, taking care of myself, and I have never experienced a desire to make an attachment with another person, unless there’s a clear, practical reason to do so.
• Since the age of about three, I have been independent, and even back then I never craved any attention from my mum. Like me, she certainly wasn’t warm and affectionate. I was to our relationship and didn’t expect (or want) anything else from here.
• I make the effort to be affectionate with my kids.
• I might not experience love and attachment to another person in the same way than you do, but I can see the good in people and my wife is the most kind and caring woman I’ve ever come across. She’s a good influence on me and I married her because I seriously couldn’t imagine than anyone better than her exists in the world.
• The anhedonia gives me some good husband-material attributes: supportive, loyal, and most importantly, honest, lies are emotional responses, therefore I don’t lie; I really don’t see the point.
• The three of the women I have had serious relationships with have used the exact same phrase to describe me: you don’t have a heart, you have a swinging brick.
• Without emotions getting in the way of my thinking, I’m able to see practical solutions to problems clearly and easily.
• Though I don’t have the capacity to experience emotions myself, other people’s emotions are very clear to me, making me intuitive when it comes to their problems.
• I’ll do things to help people, because I can. It’s something to do. But I don’t want anyone to do anything for me. I’m fine to cope on my own. In fact, I prefer looking after my own well-being.
• The trouble with letting other people in is that they will suddenly want to ask a lot of questions about a lot of things and answering questions makes me very nervous.
• I’ve learnt that «yes» is usually the best answer to most questions. It’s the easiest answer to please people, to not offend people or hurt their feelings, and to avoid that battle in my head of whether I like/want something or not.
• I now have a moral compass to help guide my answers. I quickly judge whether there will be a bad outcome from my «yes» answer and if I can’t see a negative result, I say, «Yes». When I was younger, however, I didn’t have anyone to guide me in what was right and wrong, I had no idea what I should be saying «no» to and I couldn’t foresee he repercussions of my actions.
• The experience of anhedonia means I see things in a black and white way, so decisions I make don’t always make sense to other people.
• Once I do make a decision to do something serious, I’m then faced with an internal battle over whether to continue or not. If there’s an obvious, practical reason to carry on, it’s easy to decide to continue. However, if it’s more of a choice that I’ve made then I will keep weighing up the options, over and over, convinced that I’m wasting my time and that another let down is around the corner.
• According to my wife, a lot of bad stuff has happened to me in my life. A lot of stuff no one in our society have to endure. That’s when anhedonia is quite useful, because I’ve just accepted whatever has happened as being normal and fine. At the same time, there has always been an underlying sense of injustice in my life.
• I don’t get enjoyment from anything, but I do get the let downs that everyone else gets, because let downs are practical not emotional.
• Without enjoyment, ever, my life is nothing more than a series of problems that have to be solved. And that’s it. I’m always treading water, waiting for that next problem to come along, desperately trying to avoid that sense of justice, yet experiencing it every day when I look at you and every other normal person.
• When too many things go wrong all at once and I can’t see a practical responde to the situations I’m being faced with, I start to feel the injustice of everything.
• I focus on finding a practical solution to the problem, and one I’ve decided on something I then move on.
• Death is part of life and life must go on. Next thing, please.
• Shirley Hugues, formerly Wells, wasn’t what you’d call «motherly».
• For as long as I can remember, Shirley was never around. And if she was, then I wasn’t allowed to be. It was a rule that if she said I had to be out, I was out. I once spent five hours sat in heavy rain in the park, because I didn’t have anywhere else to go, age four.
• I was a «Latch Key Kid». This meant I had my own key to get in and out of the flat because there was nobody home most of the time.
• Thinking that mum had Anhedonia, some things make a bit more sense.
• For Nan and Grandad, Shirley always put on a show, dressing us up and being all nice and friendly, like that’s how we all normally were together.
• She was irritable if I said I was hungry.
• I was about seven-years-old when I first started climbing on a chair to swipe a mote from that tin, thinking she’d never miss it, but somehow she always knew. And whenever she found me out, the belt would appear and she’d thrash me with the buckle end.
• The beatings happened for all sorts of reason at all sorts of times, generally because I was cheeky and not respecting her.
• To avoid Mum’s punishments, I spent a lot of time outside.
• I’ve always een what a psychotherapist would describe as a «rescuer».
• I never understood why Shirley bothered to have children in the first place. She seemed so uninterested in having us around, but it’s not like we were accidents, I always thought that I must remind her of my dad.
• I can’t say I’m bitter towards my dad for leaving us, because that would require some kind of interest in him to begin with. The only reason I’ve met him as an adult was because my sister had wanted to find him. As a father myself now, I can see that he should have been there to protect me from Shirley’s abuse and neglect, but he wasn’t and that’s just the way it is.
• My sister was treated quite differently from me, and thought she may not have had an idyllic childhood, she was, in my mind, the golden girl.
• I never believed in Santa, I’d just be hoping one of my friends had gotten a bike as their present so that there’d be someone I could hang around for a while.
• I just saw Cath as being the favourite and that was that. In retrospect, the holes in my sister’s clothes were just as bad as mine and she never got fed square meals either. Like me, she was never at home, so her relationship with Shirley can’t have been that dissimilar to mine.
• The only thing Mum ever showed a vague interest in, other than occasionally Cath, was her cat, Charlie. As with everything else, I really didn’t mind that the cat got more attention than I did. I don’t think I even noticed at the time.
• Shirley’s neglectful parenting really didn’t bother me. It never even struck me as wrong or odd. I had my independence and that suited me. That was the life I was used to, it’s only now I have children of my own that I can see how things weren’t right.
• She was on edge on visitor days.
• Survival for me as a kid meant using my friends as a kind of rotating network to get food and clean clothes. I’d hang around my friends’ houses at teatime, hoping one of the mums would ask me to stay. If none of them invited me to stay, I’d never ask to join, or say t hat I was hungry; I didn’t want to be labelled a scrounger, even to this day I never ask for help. Instead, I’d go without. I never cared what they might think of me, whether they pitied and felt sorry for me, I just knew what I needed to survive.
• The majority of the kids I hang around with were tearaways. Although I take full responsibility for my actions throughout my life, these were the kids who got me into trouble, because I always agreed to go along with anything that was suggested, not ever considering the consequences, for me or anyone else. Saying «no» meant questions would be asked, and questions meant that turmoil in my head about why I didn’t know if I should do something or not.
• In school, we were just as unruly, though I never saw anything I did as being that wrong. I was just mimicking my mates, going along with the things they did because it was easier to say «yes» than «no».
• I never got ill as a child. I was surprisingly healthy for someone who went hungry most nights.
• For a child with anhedonia, it is very difficult to decipher the good in life, because I felt no interest in anything, no enjoyment. This maturally gave more focus to the bad things.
• I had the general idea that someone, somewhere (like a god) had it in for me, and that’s why I didn’t experience things the way others did, and why I had so much bad luck.
• There was the time the circus came to town. Something I had never experienced before. Something different. Something potentially interesting. I looked on passively, but with a curiosity.
• I discovered my hobby, I’d pinch matches from the drawer in our kitchen and then, in the field, I’d pick a strand of straw and set it alight, watching it burn. It was like I was giving life by igniting it and creating this flame. But as the flame would start to burn out, I felt like something was dying. I suddenly needed to keep it alive and so I’d add another strand of straw, and then another and another, just to keep the flame alive. Inevitably, it wasn’t long before I set the farmer’s field alight. I don’t know how many times this happened in my childhood. It certainly wasn’t once. The flames had some kind of power over me, capturing my attention in a way nothing else ever did.
• As a kid, I was always polite to people in authority, but I didn’t see how this fat, balding, sweaty, arrogant man deserved my respect because he was in a uniform.
• Getting through the days without emotions made my life easier as a child. It meant that I really didn’t care that my mother had little interest in me. I didn’t mind that my clothes were that much worse than my friends’. The hunger wasn’t an issue, because I had no interest in food, and I usually found something to eat if I was desperate, because I had my network to turn to. They were all I needed to stay alive, and to stop me from going mad with boredom. And that was fine by me.
• After Shirley dragged us away from Eccles, something in me changed. I couldn’t forgive what she’d done: I lost all respect for her, and I stopped being afraid of her beatings.
• I turned round to him and said: «You’re a big man aren’t you? Makes you hard, doesn’t it, hitting an eleven-year-old boy».
• I joined the local Scout group, paying for it with money from my paper round. It wasn’t far from where we lived and I thought it would be a good way to meet kids in the area, to start forming my network again. Not only did I want to get out the house, but I also needed some friends to live off. I didn’t care how well I did, or how many badges I got. Scouts was a device to make useful friends in the area and that was it.
• I know now that an average twelve-year-old boy would probably have had nightmares about his Scoutmaster grooming him for sex. They would be emotionally scarred, traumatised, disturbed, in need of counselling. But, thanks to the anhedonia, this has never been the way my brain works. Incidents happen and I deal with them. Once they are over, they are forgotten. There’s no lasting damage.
• Though I don’t have the emotional capacity to get angry for a sustained period of time, if Shirley got mad at me I would mimic her behaviour, raising my voice equally as loud as hers and using the same language she used towards me. I know now that I wasn’t an easy child to live with, that my hostile, belligerent attitude wound up and angered Shirley, but back then I just thought they were against me for the sake of it.
• I couldn’t quite believe that Shirley had brought me here to get rid of me. […] I could see Shirley walking quickly up the street ahead, towards the bus station. There was no way I was going back with her, knowing she didn’t want me, no way I would be her to take me with her. I’d rather be homeless. Beside,s I would be fine on my own, I always was, and I had plenty of mates to help me out.
• The next day, I went to school as normal. In fact, I continued to go to school most days throughout the time I was homeless. For one thing, I got a good token each morning from my form tutor, so I got fed every day at school.
• There came a time, after several months, that my constant presence at tea and bedtime round my closest friends’ houses was starting to be very obvious, as was the fact that I was eating all their food. It got harder and harder to stay over, and I still didn’t want anyone to know I’d left home, so I decided to take some time off from my network. The first night I slept out on the streets on my own, I thought it would be a good idea to sleep in a telephone box.
• None of my mates or Mr Hodges guessed how I’d spent the night, no one questioned my appearance. That was the useful thing about being poor: I didn’t look that different now that I was sleeping rough. It wasn’t unusual for my clothes to be wasted, or for me to be a bit tired.
• I attempted sleeping under trees in various parks. But, if you’ve ever tried it, you’ll know how hard it is to get to sleep under a tree.
• To keep sweet with the, I always talked to Baz about the stuff the was interested in. I asked him questions about the heroin, more about how it felt and how he got it. He told me how every morning they’d wake up and immediately start trying to find money. They had to beg, borrow and steal to get enough together. Sometimes they’d get the heroin «on tick», owing the dealer, telling him they were good for it, but that was a dangerous game.
• Waking up in a park with a load of smack-heads deserting you, their mission for the day focussed and obvious, when you have nothing, literally nothing to do, is hard. I never crave food. Then I’d just wander the are I was in, sit in the park, wait for time to pass. I knew, very clearly, that there was no purpose to my life.
• Without anhedonia, I’m not sure I’d have coped with being homeless and having nothing to live for. I got it into my head that I just had to wait the weekend out and that, on Monday, I’d be able to go to school and get cleaned up. All I had to do was make it through the weekend, then I’d have a purpose again.
• I realized than being around Caroline was better than being around anyone else I knew. She was kind and caring, attentive. Time with her was easy.
• Having anhedonia means it’s near impossible to experience pleasure. Masturbation was a physical sensation that I hadn’t experienced before, something different, and that release was definitely something good, not bad. Having sex was even better: getting a girl to do it all for me and for me to still feel the same physical sensations was ace. But it didn’t take a lot for to lose interest in sex. Once I’d got over the initial novelty of having sex, I had no appetite for it, just going along with it when I felt I could to save hurting her feelings. I’ve always been quite intuitive, at least.
• The years that I lived under Neville and Jane’s roof were the most stable of my childhood. They cared for me almost as though I was another adopted son. I definitely didn’t want to be thought of as part of the family, because I didn’t need a family. To make that distinction clear, whenever Christmas came around I’d make up some excuse that they couldn’t protest against in order to avoid it. The same is that I didn’t appreciate all that Jane and Neville did. It’s only as an adult that I see how f ar they went out of their way for me. No matter what I did, they didn’t shout or scream, or even get angry, all the were bothered about was whether I’d hurt myself. I wasn’t rude to them but I didn’t show gratitude for all their efforts, because that’s not something I felt. They were a means to an end and I took all that they had to offer. The end finally came because I didn’t take being with Caroline any longer.
• I may not have any emotional recognition, but I know when I’m on a dangerous path and I vowed never to try that again.
• All this army stuff felt kind of right. I had a sense of purpose, something to work towards that would be at least a constant for as long as I wanted it.
• Unlike the outside world, I didn’t find it easy to just fit in with everyone in prison. I take on other people’s attributes, that social chameleon, but inside everyone is cagey; a different kind of person from how they are on the outside and, for me, imitating their behavior was instantly too difficult. Instead, I tried to stay invisible. I was agreeable, but I kept my head down and tried to blend into the white-washed bricks. Sometimes it wasn’t always so easy to blend into the background and lie low; sometimes I had to join in for self-preservation.
• I was at my lowest point in Risley. Never suicidal, that would involve a range of emotion, but filled with how unjust this all was. My freedom, which I’d had since I was three-years-old, was gone. I was trapped on a hellhole. I blamed everyone else in the world for everything I’d gone through in my life, up to and including this undignified, horrendous experience. It all felt so fucking unjust and I couldn’t work out why all this bad stuff kept happening to me. Not to mention never feeling a moment of enjoyment.
• Every day in Risley was a stress to deal with, unpleasant and difficult. And I felt like I didn’t deserve a minute of it. I hadn’t done anything that bad. Why couldn’t I just apologise and try to put it right? I was stuck with all these people when I’m a private person. Being there meant a constant bombardment of stress in different ways, and every second was an internal fight in order to cope.
• After around three months in Risley, with no view of getting out, my mind started to empty. I adjusted myself by completely switching off from everything around me: the noise, the threats, the violence, the deaths, the constant captivity in one room. I’ve since read a lot on Buddhism and in reading I have discovered a  teaching about meditation: given enough time in confinement, without distraction, your mind has chance to settle, opening itself up to realisation.
• My realisation hit me: I was the arsehole. I’d been going through my life wondering it became clear why so much bad luck came my way, thinking «why me?». But suddenly it became clear that I’d deserved all I’d got.
  • Shirley beat me because I was a difficult child who stole money from her.
  • Adam was run over in front me because we weren’t looking properly when we crossed the street.
  • My old headmaster used the cane on me because I disrupted classes and skipped school.
  • Frank came after me because he suspected me of stealing because I had stolen plenty previously.
  • I was homeless because I was belligerent and uncaring towards my mother.
  • Lisa rejected me because I wasn’t her type, and Caroline was possessive because I’d said I’d be her boyfriend.
  • I was in Risley Remand Centre because I’d fucked up, broken into the Spar shop, into the school and into Neville and Jane’s.
  • Mike had shopped me for some good reason, and I had committed every crime he listed to the police.
  • I got the community hours because I’d caused criminal damage, and I had them revoked because I still had a sentence to serve for burglary and everything else.
  • I was the one taking everything for granted and doing what I liked.
  • I was the arsehole not caring about anyone else, hating the world and everyone in it, so of course I was going to get bad luck coming my way.
• I finally understood that my life didn’t have to continue forever in the way it had started. I was going to view things in a different way, keep myself out of trouble and accept responsibility for my behavior. In an effort to see things differently, the next time the lad with the book trolley came round our cell I picked up something I’d never usually read, a book about King Arthur.
• King Arthur was noble and gracious. He was kind, thinking of others and protecting them. He fought for truth and justice; the things I always felt were missing from my life. Here was a male role model that I could emulate, if I chose. And what a coincidence that I should find this book so close to the epiphany I’d experienced. Karma. I was the idiot, but now I could change.
• I knew I had to keep myself out of trouble and start turning my life around. Get my karma good. That was the only way I’d be able to stop all the shit from happening to me. And i had a lot of bad karma to make up for first.
• Though I still had the idea, from my epiphany in Risley, that I deserved to be punished because I had done something wrong by committing burglary, I couldn’t get over the harshness of my sentence. I couldn’t get my head around it. I’d never done anything that presented me as a danger to the public.
• For once in my life, I felt something like upset. It was the injustice of her rejection. I thought we were going to be together forever. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I hadn’t been a bad boyfriend in any way. I had been attentive and as loving as I possibly could be. But she’d still cheated on me and there was nothing practical I could do to sort the situation out. I tried to get her back a couple of times, because I felt I needed to do something. But it didn’t work. Being with Jamie taught me that no matter how certain you are about anything in life, there’s always a possibility you could be wrong.
• There I was, living in a large pigsty with a woman I had few feelings for, getting screamed at every day, and with a baby on the way. But, as soon as Debbie was born, what felt like a duty to stick around changed; I wanted to be there, for her. It may sound strange, but because I had no emotion of my own I started to feel the emotions Debbie felt. She was so little and helpless. By taking care of her I was filled with the warmth that she was safe and secure. If she was crying, I would soothe her and she would look at me with those big, wide eyes, smiling visibly glowing with happiness, and that warmed me, for the first time in my life.
• The prison taught me (aside from never, ever wanting to go back there again) was how to spend time on my own doing nothing. I found I could sit around for hours, just letting time pass until the next thing I had to do came along. This probably held me back in those days, at least in some ways: I stopped going out with the lads because I was okay just being on my own. Because of anhedonia, I had no desire to go out, or to do anything. Because of prison I had no need to fill my time any more. So I was content to just sit.
• I was almost drifting in the dull afternoon light, in what some would call a meditative state. Every inch of me was relaxed and calm. Not a single thought was travelling through my mind. I felt my aura expand. That sense of personal space we have around us, that boundary that everyone can feel circling their body, it shifted and was bigger than the room itself. It was bigger than the building, than even the sky. I could feel my aura sweeping around the world, bringing with it an uplifting brightness and an intense clarity of vision that made every molecule in front of me stand out. My brain became two halves, one half positive, the other half negative, and it seems to me like they both met and cancelled each other out. In the hour that followed, my body experienced so many different and unusual physical sensations that I’d never felt before and that I simply can’t explain now. Can’t even remember now. I just sat and basked in it for what seemed like eternity. Then it vanished in the same way that it had come, and I was left alone in my flat. A sense of appreciation, of gratefulness stayed with me for many years afterwards; it was proof to me that there is something more than this life that we’re given. And that almost gives my emotionless, problem-solving, water-treading life some purpose.
• When bad stuff happens, I take it as it goes, never assuming it’s happening to me because I’m me, but knowing it’s because bad things do happen in life. To everyone. What I try to do always is keep my thoughts pure, free from hatred, grudges and loathing, and my actions chivalrous.
• My experience of enlightenment has cemented in me the eternal law of cause and effect: you do something bad and something bad will happen to you.
• Sometimes, anhedonia can be a good thing: there are no feelings there to get crushed.
• I expected that a father who’d been missing his child’s entire life would want to put in more of an effort now, but three meetings in ten years isn’t trying, in my eyes. I have no energy to play the game of being nice to him, like I do with other people, and so I don’t have a problem with his lack of interest. I still have no desire to get to know hi,. But, then again, I have no desire to get to know anyone.
• The only thing my mum ever gave me was arthritis.
• I have a moral compass firmly in place, attached to a deep understanding that I never want to return to prison. I avoid anyone who may be «no good», so that I can’t make a coin-toss decision and get myself into trouble. If I don’t want to do something, I will just say «no», though that comes across as cold and blasé.
• Positive influence is what a child needs to grow into a balanced adult. My wife reminds me of that whenever I tell her parts of my story.
• I doubt I will ever stop wondering how it is that you can get pleasure from a stack of pancakes, or an Adele song, when I get nothing. It translates to: Why can’t I feel any of this enjoyment that everyone else feels? It’s just unjust. But at least the word «anhedonia» gives me an answer to that question, a reason for being how I am. It helps me tread water while I wait for that next problem to come along.
• King Arthur, Buddhism and karma all help me get through the day too. I try to live my life as what I call a «selfish Buddhist», helping people in order to bring myself good karma. Since that experience of enlightenment I’ve practiced this and it usually works. Bad things still happen, but in more manageable doses.
• Helping people also gives me a bit of purpose in my emotionless life, in one way or another, it means I have something to do that’s practical and filling the time.
• Dr Greenberg had major concerns that I may be suicidal. And I understand why: having anhedonia makes life appear pretty pointless. A life without enjoyment is a life of hanging around waiting for problems and then for death. Everything a normal person does, everything that makes you get up in the morning, everything you look forward to, or plan, is all to do with your wants, needs and desires, what you love, what you enjoy. I wouldn’t have any of that, I would just wait for time to pass and exist, if I lived alone.
• What Dr Greenberg eventually realised is that I’ve never felt anything suicidal in my life. You have t care to feel like ending it all. You have to experience some kind of emotion to experience that kind of despair. If I say I’m scared, I would prefer to not experience the outcome if possible. If say I’m happy, nothing bad is currently happening. If I say I’m sad, I’ve not found a solution to a problem yet. I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel anything at all.
• I tried to raise awareness of this condition to help fellow sufferers.
• I appear normal, I act normal, I sound normal, one publisher saying to me, «you look like you have emotions to me», that’s like saying to a depressed person «you seem happy enough» and this guy was in the mental health profession. They say Anhedonia is a symptom of manic depression, feeling depressed would be a promotion …
• «Dr Greenberg» represents the real doctor who diagnosed my anhedonia, his name has been changed for privacy reasons. The questions posed in this memoir by his character are based on The Revised Physical Anhedonia Scale (1976) of L. J. Chapman, J. P. Chapman and M. L. Raulin.

«Dr. Greenberg»:

• Please answer «yes» or «no» to the following questions, and be as honest as you can.
• Do you think that you could be content living alone in a cabin in the woods?
• When eating a tasty food, do you ever try to eat it slowly, making it last longer?
• Does it make you feel good when someone you care about reaches out to touch you?
• Do you feel close to your friends?
• Do your emotional responses seem very different from those of other people?
• When something is bothering you, do you like to talk to others about it?
• Do you prefer hobbies that are solitary pursuits?
• Are you content to sit alone, just thinking and daydreaming?
• Say you move to a new city, would you have a strong need to make new friends?
• Do you find you become deeply attached to people you spend a lot of time with?
• There may be things that you enjoy doing by yourself, but do you usually have more fun when you do things with other people?
• Would you agree that sex is okay, but not as much fun as people claim it is?
• Are there many pursuits that you can say you have ever really enjoyed doing?
• Would you say privacy is particularly important to you?
• Do you usually finish your bath or shower as quickly as possible, just to get it over with?
• Given the choice, would you rather be with other people than on your own?
• Does dancing, or even the idea of dancing, seem dull to you?
• Do you find a walk more enjoyable if someone is with you?
• When you are alone, do you resent people knocking on your door, or calling you on the phone?
• Do people often expect you to spend more time talking to them that you would like?

Have you read this book? Any other similar book? Do you have anything to say about what this book is saying? Do you recommend any book related to this matter? Anything at all? I’ll be glad to know what you think about it in the comments.

Some related links:

• Blogs: 1.
• Goodreads.

Some related books:

• The boy who was raised as a dog by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz.
• El triángulo de Karpman explicado de Chris West.
• The emotionally absent mother by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS LPC.
• It’s a Shame I Can’t Share by Jake Ware.
• The noonday demon by Andrew Solomon.
• Running on empty by Jonice Webb, PhD.
• Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD.
• The willpower instinct by Kelly McGonigal, Ph. D..
• Roots of apathy by Michael R. Hicks.
• Apathy by Paul Neilan.
• Project UnLonely by Dr. Jeremy Nobel.
• Hikikomori by Saito Tamaki.
• Beating the Blues by Michael E. Thase, M.D & Susan S. Lang.
• Healing the Child Within by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D..
• ¿Quién eres? de Enrique Rojas.

raul

Bug or Feature? How to Report Issues and Request Feature in Google Cloud

TL;DR: If you want a feature or a bug fix from Google, start in Issue Tracker (file it or star an existing one), then take that link to social to rally comments and stars. Google doesn’t market this workflow much anymore, but it’s still how requests reach the right team and get real signal. See Google Help on Issue Report or Feature Requests

Why this works (and social alone doesn’t)

Google teams are great at shipping the right features. Product teams at Google often focus their cycles on a few big feature targets. That means smaller but valuable ideas, especially from real-world production use by customers, partners, and developers, can get missed. Engineers often aren’t in the UX or research loop, so good ideas need help getting seen. That’s why Issue Tracker matters: it connects real needs to product teams.

• Issue Tracker is the system of record. It routes your ask to the owning product team, gets deduped, and accumulates the signals PMs actually look at (stars, clear impact, reproducible detail).
• Social is a distribution channel, not a queue. Tweets and LinkedIn posts don’t get triaged; a link to a specific Issue Tracker ticket does — especially when others star and add their use-case.

1) Look it up first (don’t fork demand)

Use Google’s product-by-product directory to find the right tracker, search, and, if it already exists, star it instead of opening a duplicate:

👉 Official tracker list: https://cloud.google.com/support/docs/issue-trackers#trackers-list

What to check:

• Title & scope: is it the same request/bug?
• Type: Feature request vs Bug
• Status: New, Assigned, In Progress…
• Votes: add your ★ and a short comment with business impact.

Screenshot example: “Open BigQuery Issues” saved search view
(Use your image of the Issue Tracker table with IDs, Type, Status, Votes.)

2) If it doesn’t exist, file it (step-by-step)

1. From the tracker list, open your product (e.g., BigQuery, Spanner).
2. Click Create issue.
3. Pick the Template: Feature request (enhancement) or Defect report (bug).
4. Fill out the form clearly (see the template below).
5. Hit Create, copy the issue URL.

Screenshot example: “Create Issue” with component picker
(Use your image showing the BigQuery component path.)

3) Need privacy? Use the Confidential component

If your report contains private or confidential details, choose the product’s Confidential … issues component when creating the ticket. These issues are visible to you and Googlers, not the public.

When to go confidential:

• Sensitive logs or stack traces
• names, numbers, or unreleased work
• Anything covered by NDA

Pro move: if there’s a similar public issue you want the community to star, file both: a sanitized public feature request for signaling + a confidential issue with the private details.

Screenshot examples:
• Component chooser showing “Confidential BigQuery issues”
• The confidential form with private-only guidance

4) Case study: turning a comment into signal (BigQuery)

• Issue: Shared / Common Dictionary Encoding for Join Keys
  Link: https://issuetracker.google.com/issues/442600668
• Why it’s a good model: it spells out the problem, the proposed shape (even example SQL), alternatives, and operational wins, making it easy for others to star and for the team to assess.
• You can see Assigned to si…@google.com, feedback from ja…@gmail.com & 18 star votes.

Use this pattern: tight title, concrete ask, measurable impact, and references. Then share the link so others can pile on with stars and real-world context.

5) Now take it to social (with the link)

Once your issue is filed:

1. Post on LinkedIn/bluesky with a one-liner ask, the business reason, and the Issue Tracker link.
2. Invite peers/customers to star and add their use-case in a comment.
3. Pin or reshare periodically; drop the link in https://discuss.google.dev/, forums, Slack communities, and product groups.
4. Get a Google Developer Expert (GDE) or the right Google PM/Engineer involved. GDEs are independent community experts, not Google employees. GDE can’t see confidential issues or guarantee prioritization, but we can help you make your request crisp and visible (no promises). See Directory of Experts worldwide.

Example blurb

We’ve proposed [Shared dictionary encoding for join keys in BigQuery] to cut join costs and speed up analytics across tables. If this would help your workloads, please star the issue and add your use case: . Stars and comments help the product team prioritize, thanks!

FAQs

1. Should I open a support case too?

Open a support case for break/fix help. Use Issue Tracker for roadmap signals (features) and product-level bugs you want prioritized or tracked publicly.

2. What if my issue is already filed but missing details?

Comment with your scenario and star it. Consolidating demand on one ticket beats splitting votes across duplicates.

3. How long will it take?

There’s rarely an ETA. But issues with clear scope + strong stars/comments are easier to discuss and schedule. Silence usually means “no update yet,” not “never.”

The playbook, in one line

File it → star it → share it. Start in Issue Tracker to create a durable signal; then use social to rally the crowd to that link so the right Google team sees real demand.

---

Get Your Feature or Bug on Google’s Roadmap: Step-by-Step Submission Guide was originally published in Google Cloud - Community on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The makers of BIND, the Internet’s most widely used software for resolving domain names, are warning of two vulnerabilities that allow attackers to poison entire caches of results and send users to malicious destinations that are indistinguishable from the real ones.

The vulnerabilities, tracked as CVE-2025-40778 and CVE-2025-40780, stem from a logic error and a weakness in generating pseudo-random numbers, respectively. They each carry a severity rating of 8.6. Separately, makers of the Domain Name System resolver software Unbound warned of similar vulnerabilities that were reported by the same researchers. The unbound vulnerability severity score is 5.6

Revisiting Kaminsky’s cache poisoning attack

The vulnerabilities can be exploited to cause DNS resolvers located inside thousands of organizations to replace valid results for domain lookups with corrupted ones. The corrupted results would replace the IP addresses controlled by the domain name operator (for instance, 3.15.119.63 for arstechnica.com) with malicious ones controlled by the attacker. Patches for all three vulnerabilities became available on Wednesday.

Read full article

Comments

For resiliency, the DNS Enactor operates redundantly and fully independently in three different Availability Zones (AZs). [...] When the second Enactor (applying the newest plan) completed its endpoint updates, it then invoked the plan clean-up process, which identifies plans that are significantly older than the one it just applied and deletes them. At the same time that this clean-up process was invoked, the first Enactor (which had been unusually delayed) applied its much older plan to the regional DDB endpoint, overwriting the newer plan. [...] The second Enactor's clean-up process then deleted this older plan because it was many generations older than the plan it had just applied. As this plan was deleted, all IP addresses for the regional endpoint were immediately removed.

— AWS, Amazon DynamoDB Service Disruption in Northern Virginia (US-EAST-1) Region (14.5 hours long!)

Tags: dns, scaling, aws, postmortem

Trencats, asociación contra las violencias en las escuelas, ha hecho pública la fotografía de Dani Quintana, un adolescente de 15 años de Almacelles (Lleida) que se quitó la vida hace tres meses tras sufrir acoso y violencia escolar. Según la entidad, el joven era víctima de robos y roturas de su material escolar, aislamiento en el recreo y amenazas con arma blanca, sin que el Institut Canigó, donde estudiaba, actuara de manera efectiva.

etiquetas: dani, acoso escolar, muerte

» noticia original (www.lavozdelsur.es)

Ricki Ruiz, representante estatal de Gresham, Oregon, declaró que la grabación muestra cómo los agentes de ICE, al no encontrar a la persona que buscan en un operativo, terminan arrestando a quienes no están involucrados. “El señor Israel no vivía allí, pero de todos modos se llevaron a dos personas, sin importar que no tenían orden”, remarcó Ruiz. Al momento de esta publicación, el Departamento de Seguridad Nacional (DHS) no se había pronunciado respecto al caso.

etiquetas: ice, redada, violento, familia

» noticia original (laopinion.com)

La imagen del docente como pilar fundamental de la sociedad, una figura vocacional con horarios estables y largas vacaciones, se desvanece a marchas forzadas en el sistema educativo español. Detrás de las puertas de los institutos, una realidad muy distinta se impone: un campo de batalla emocional donde el agotamiento, la falta de respeto y la desmotivación se han convertido en la norma para miles de profesionales. Aunque España alcanzó una cifra récord de 784.425 docentes en el curso 2023-2024, el malestar es palpable.

etiquetas: acoso, escolar, docente, educación

» noticia original (www.elperiodico.com)

Los estados del Sur tienen la mayor tasa de prescripción de opiáceos por 100 personas, incluyendo Arkansas (71,5), Alabama (71,4), Misisipi (63,1), y Luisiana (62,7). Los estados con menor tasa de opiáceos están muy repartidos geográficamente: Hawaii (22,6), California (23,8), New Jersey (26,3), y Nueva York (26,3). Los estados sureños tienen mayores tasas de pobreza, que tiene una fuerte correlación con prescripción y abuso de opiáceos.

etiquetas: ee.uu, opiáceos, mapa, visual capitalist

» noticia original (www.visualcapitalist.com)

Sandra Sabatés responde tajante a la diputada de Vox y hermana de Esperanza Aguirre, Rocío Aguirre, tras minimizar el número de víctimas de violencia machista.

etiquetas: sandra sabatés, vox, rocío aguirre, violencia machista, la sexta

» noticia original (www.lasexta.com)

Errejón, un año fantasma después: reaparición clandestina y el 'misterioso' blog que siguen sus íntimos...y Monedero

La mano derecha del senador Alfonso Serrano es personal eventual del Grupo Municipal Popular desde abril, a razón de 63.159 euros al año, a pesar de que no se le conocen funciones ligadas a la actividad del Consistorio

etiquetas: malversación, alfonso serrano, ayuntamiento de madrid, pp

» noticia original (cadenaser.com)

La Fundación Altius, vinculada a los Legionarios de Cristo y financiada con dinero público de la Comunidad de Madrid, gestionó la vuelta de 360 personas a sus países de origen el año pasado.

etiquetas: retorno voluntario, migración, organizaciones ultracatólicas, financiación públi

» noticia original (www.elsaltodiario.com)

El nivel de competencias básicas de los españoles en edad de trabajar (es decir, de entre 16 a 65 años) es más bajo que la media de la OCDE. No solo eso, sino que la brecha se amplía cada vez más. España es uno de los cinco países que menos ha mejorado sus competencias durante las últimas décadas, junto con EEUU, Suecia, Nueva Zelanda y Eslovaquia. Mientras que en la mayoría de países se aprecia una evolución mucho mayor, en España esta es más modesta, lo que hace que nos estemos quedando rezagados ante otros países desarrollados.

etiquetas: educación, competencias, egb, logse

» noticia original (www.elconfidencial.com)

"El puesto se centra en sumergir al niño en la cultura, los valores y las sutilezas británicas antes de que se arraigue cualquier prejuicio cultural", reza el anuncio, publicado por Tutors International, con sede en Oxford. "Habiendo comenzado a los 5 años con el hermano mayor de este niño, sintieron que incluso entonces era demasiado tarde para lograr su objetivo", continúa, describiendo al niño de un año como "un niño que aprende a un ritmo asombroso". Descrito como un puesto verdaderamente único, el puesto de cinco días a la semana estable..

etiquetas: tutor británico, educación infantil, escuelas privadas, cultura británica

» noticia original (www.lbc.co.uk)

El 6 de octubre de 1995, en una reunión científica en Florencia, Italia, dos astrónomos suizos hicieron un anuncio que transformaría nuestra comprensión del universo más allá de nuestro Sistema Solar.

Quneitra, 22 oct (SANA) Las fuerzas de ocupación israelíes asaltaron hoy la aldea de Al-Hamidiyah, en la provincia de Quneitra, en el suroeste de Siria, donde

Paul Henri d'Holbach (1725-1789), Barón de Holbach, fue un autor radical cuyos únicos dioses parece que fueron la ciencia, la naturaleza y la razón; a lo largo de su vida y obra, puede verse que su gran enemigo fueron los prejuicios de todo tipo: religiosos, sociales, éticos y políticos. Se trata de un filósofo que aboga...

La odisea de los republicanos que huyeron de Franco y fueron internados por los franceses en campos de concentración del norte de África para trabajar en minas y el ferrocarril transahariano. Eliane Ortega Bernabéu, nieta de uno de los exiliados del buque Ronwyn, ha reunido información desde hace más de veinte años (y sigue recibiéndola a través del correo electrónico), sobre este largo y duro episodio. Nacida en Orán, una ciudad de fuertes raíces españolas, Ortega conoce muy de cerca la historia de los setenta campos de concentración que

etiquetas: asturias, argelia, desierto, campos de concentración

» noticia original (elblogdeacebedo.blogspot.com)

Contar hormigas, contemplar el aleteo de las moscas, rasgar la pared con las uñas, cantar. Durante más de 20 años, estas fueron las actividades habituales -y casi únicas- de César Fierro. Nacido en la fronteriza Ciudad Juárez, en el norte de México, este hombre de 69 años pasó más de cuatro décadas encarcelado y sentenciado a muerte en Texas, EE.UU., por un crimen que no cometió. La mitad de esa condena la cumplió en confinamiento solitario.

etiquetas: a punto de ejecutado, 40 años, corredor de la muerte, ee.uu, mexicano

» noticia original (www.bbc.com)

En toda la América republicana, un número cada vez mayor de votantes de Donald Trump se está dando cuenta de que eliminar la Ley de Asistencia Asequible sin un sustituto claro quizá no haya sido una idea tan buena. A medida que los legisladores republicanos se acercan a dejar que expiren las subvenciones clave de la ACA a finales de año, muchas de las personas que ahora se enfrentan a fuertes subidas de las primas son los mismos votantes que ayudaron a Trump a volver a la Casa Blanca.

etiquetas: votantes, trump, sorpresa, aumento, vertiginoso, costes, sanitarios

» noticia original (www.womenzmag.com)

Nieves Concostrina ha respondido al plan del líder del PP con una serie de cuatro episodios históricos sobre españoles migrantes: "Que al menos no insulte con su desmemoria y su desprecio"

etiquetas: desmemoria, plan, migratorio, feijóo, ejemplos, españoles, migrantes

» noticia original (cadenaser.com)

No hay ningún otro país en el mundo que haya mantenido un sistema de planificación centralizada continua durante más de 70 años, aunque se reinventara en cada etapa. En los años 50, se buscaba construir fábricas. En los 80, reformar la economía. En los 2000, abrirse al mundo. Y ahora, abrazar la autosuficiencia tecnológica.

etiquetas: china, economía

» noticia original (www.elmundo.es)

Trabajadores denuncian saturación histórica y pasillos llenos mientras la situación empeora ...

etiquetas: barcelona, catalunya, sanidad, colapso

» noticia original (www.catalunyapress.es)

Red Eléctrica había pedido que estas infraestructuras modificaran su operativa, (regulada por el Procedimiento de Operación 7.4) para absorber con mayor celeridad las sobretensiones que se producen en el sistema eléctrico por una creciente participación de la energía renovable. Pero, según recoge la resolución que aprobó ayer la CNMC, no es aplicable sin riesgo de provocar daños.

etiquetas: cnmc, ree, eléctricas, apagón, procedimientos, tensión, control

» noticia original (www.lavanguardia.com)

Los empleados del Departamento del Tesoro han recibido instrucciones de no tomar ni compartir fotos de la demolición en la Casa Blanca, especialmente desde el edificio contiguo, mientras crecen las críticas al proyecto de remodelación del Ala Este, calificado por algunos como “grotesco” y “desgarrador”. Los proyectos de construcción del presidente, incluido el salón de baile y la pavimentación del Jardín de Rosas de la Casa Blanca para que se asemeje más a la terraza de Mar-a-Lago

etiquetas: casa blanca, censura, trump, demolición

» noticia original (www.independentespanol.com)

El nuevo marco se llama Unified Basic Input Output System (UBIOS) y ha sido aprobado oficialmente como estándar T/GCC 3007-2025 por la Global Computing Alliance. China busca autonomía tecnológica con UBIOS, un firmware de nueva generación que sustituye la estructura heredada del BIOS y deja atrás la arquitectura UEFI. El estándar ha sido elaborado por trece entidades, entre ellas el Instituto de Estandarización Electrónica de China, Huawei, Nanjing BAI AO Software y Kunlun Tech, que han trabajado juntas para definir el primer sistema de firm..

etiquetas: ubios, firmware, placas base, china

» noticia original (elchapuzasinformatico.com)

La vida de la menor a la que Martiño Ramos Soto, el exlíder de En Marea, violó sádicamente de manera sistemática, jamás volverá a ser igual. La víctima, que ahora tiene 20 años, ha tenido que ser atendida en varias ocasiones por intentar suicidarse, ingresando por última vez en Psiquiatría con un peso de tan sólo 34 kilogramos. Según explican fuentes de la investigación en exclusiva a EL ESPAÑOL, el que fuera su profesor de... Relacionada: www.meneame.net/m/actualidad/caza-martino-profesor-exlider-marea-fugad

etiquetas: martiño, en marea, profesor

» noticia original (www.elespanol.com)