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06 Feb 16:14

Forgot how to slide.

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liveleak.com – posted by 1point-21-jigowatz

06 Feb 16:08

That Guitar Face Video

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youtube.com – posted by lHaykl

06 Feb 16:05

Photo





05 Feb 16:06

[Poetry] A helping hand

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youtube.com – posted by BaconWrapedAsparagus

05 Feb 14:43

The most sadistic way to win at Mario kart.

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youtu.be – posted by shuritsen

05 Feb 13:33

[Haiku]The Future Of America

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youtube.com – posted by not_a_fan_of_semites

05 Feb 13:25

1999: A divorcing couple divides their Beanie Baby investment under the supervision of a judge. [Reuters]

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i.imgur.com – posted by lowspeedlowdrag

04 Feb 15:00

(Spoilers All) Surveying the Military Situation in Westeros at the Start of TWOW

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self.asoiaf – posted by BryndenBFish

Introduction

A Dance with Dragons leaves readers with many cliff-hangers on the fates of various characters. But it also leaves the resolution of several upcoming conflicts undetermined. Though some of the sample chapters of TWOW have shed some light on the opening moves of the various battles about to take place in TWOW, much remains unresolved.

But today, I figured that it would be a fun exercise to show where all the major and significant militaries are in Westeros, their composition and their missions in a Situation-Mission-Strength format. (You'll understand more what I mean below). In the OP, I'll be going region by region from north to south. I'll leave it to you all to infer conclusions of where these armies are. By necessity, I will delve into some of the TWOW sample chapters to round out some of the analysis.

But before we get started, a few caveats:

  • No Brotherhood Without Banners as they 1) don't have banners to easily mark on the map, hence their moniker and 2) Seem intentionally disparate.
  • I haven't marked the Free Folk on the map and won't describe their movements, missions, composition in great detail in the description except as it relates to the Night's Watch.
  • No Brackens/Blackwoods are marked as... well, I could have thought of a good reason, but the simple truth is that I didn't mark them on the map...
  • The Lords Declarant have disbanded for the moment in the Vale, so I haven't marked any major banners in the Vale.
  • Damphair & his band of followers remain unmarked as well.

Okay, now that we have those caveats out of the way, I've designed a map with approximate location for all of the armies and navies in and around Westeros. If you want to follow along in our tour, having the map will be extremely helpful.

Military Map of Westeros at the Start of TWOW

And one of my ongoing projects is the Westeros Military #s Project. So, feel free to delve into that as well.


The Wall & the Night's Watch

Castle Black

When the third dagger took him between the shoulder blades, he gave a grunt and fell face-first into the snow. He never felt the fourth knife. Only the cold … (ADWD, Jon XIII)

  • Situation: As of the end of ADWD, the Night's Watch stationed at Castle Black are in dire straits with thousands of Wildlings south of the Wall & their current Lord Commander bleeding out.
  • Mission: Survive
  • Composition: Castle Black's NW is comprised of approximately 300 Night's Watchmen of mixed rangers, stewards and builders.

Cotter Pyke

At Hardhome, with six ships. Wild seas. Blackbird lost with all hands, two Lyseni ships driven aground on Skane, Talon taking water. Very bad here. Wildlings eating their own dead. Dead things in the woods. Braavosi captains will only take women, children on their ships. Witch women call us slavers. Attempt to take Storm Crow defeated, six crew dead, many wildlings. Eight ravens left. Dead things in the water. Send help by land, seas wracked by storms. - Letter from Cotter Pyke to Jon Snow (ADWD, Jon XII)

  • Situation: Cotter Pyke's letter to Jon lays out the situation in graphic terms. 6 ships remain to Cotter Pyke, tensions are at a boil point between the Wildlings/NW, Wights are attacking Hardhome.
  • Mission: Collect the Wildlings and sail them south of the Wall to safety.
  • Composition: 6 ships, maybe 100 NW & 100 of Tycho's Braavosi.

The North

Stannis Baratheon

"We hold the ground, and that I mean to turn to our advantage."

"The ground?" said Theon. "What ground? Here? This misbegotten tower? This wretched little village? You have no high ground here, no walls to hide beyond, no natural defenses."

"Yet." (TWOW, Theon I)

  • Situation: 3 days ride west of Winterfell at a small Crofters' Village, Stannis & his army lay freezing and starving awaiting the coming assault by the Freys & Manderlys that Roose Bolton has dispatched.
  • Mission: Defend the village, defeat the Boltons, seize Winterfell, unite the North against the Others
  • Composition: Approximately 4500-5000 mixed Northern Clansmen, southrons, noble/masterly houses of the North.

Roose Bolton

"Ser Hosteen, assemble your knights and men-at-arms by the main gates. As you are so eager for battle, you shall strike our first blow. Lord Wyman, gather your White Harbor men by the east gate. They shall go forth as well." (ADWD, Theon VII)

  • Situation: Roose Bolton holds the castle of Winterfell in the midst of a blizzard with dwindling supplies.
  • Mission: Crush Stannis, defend Winterfell.
  • Composition: Approximately 4000 northmen & 2000 Freys.

Wyman Manderly

"I have been building warships for more than a year. Some you saw, but there are as many more hidden up the White Knife. Even with the losses I have suffered, I still command more heavy horse than any other lord north of the Neck." (ADWD, Davos IV)

  • Situation: Wyman Manderly deploys 300 knights to Winterfell, but retains majority of his force in a hidden up the White Knife in barges -- these barges being the ones built by House Manderly & House Umber back in ACOK at Bran/Maester Luwin's insistence.
  • Mission: It's unclear what their mission is, but it can be inferred that these men will be used against the Boltons & Freys
  • Composition: Approximately 1500-2000 men.

Dagmer Cleftjaw

"Dagmer Cleftjaw holds Torrhen’s Square. A fierce fighter, and a leal servant of House Greyjoy. I can deliver that castle to you, and its garrison as well." (ADWD, Asha II)

  • Situation: Dagmer has seasawed between taking Torrhen's Square and being ejected by northmen. At present, he currently holds the town.
  • Mission: Hold the town, though by start of TWOW, there is no rationale for holding town.
  • Composition: Maybe 100-200 Ironmen at most. Most of the strength was removed by Victarion for the Kingsmoot, conquest of Shield Islands & voyage to Meereen.

Howland Reed

East of the road lay a bleak and barren shore and a cold salt sea, to the west the swamps and bogs of the Neck, infested with serpents, lizard lions, and bog devils with their poisoned arrows. (ADWD, Theon II)

  • Situation: Howland Reed is an ever-present force on the Neck. Having engaged in guerrilla warfare against the Ironborn, he harassed Roose Bolton's army as they traveled north of the Neck.
  • Mission: Harass Boltons/Freys/Ironborn, block any major army movement north through the Neck.
  • Composition: Completely Unknown

The Riverlands

Black Walder Frey

At Seagard my son (Black) Walder did the same with Patrek Mallister and Lord Jason bent the knee. (AFFC, Jaime VI)

  • Situation: Black Walder Frey moved to Seagard to force the Mallisters to surrender by parading Patrek Mallister onto a hangman's platform. Thus, Seagard capitulated.
  • Mission: Likely moving back to the Twins, possible intrigues against Edwyn Frey
  • Composition: Unknown but I'd estimate 500-1000 men w/ 500 being more likely than 1000.

Edwyn Frey

The Frey host had begun to break up within hours of Riverrun’s surrender, as Lord Walder’s bannermen and freeriders pulled up stakes to make for home. The Freys who still remained were striking camp, but he found Edwyn with his bastard uncle in the latter’s pavilion. (AFFC, Jaime VII)

  • Situation: Having successfully completed Siege of Riverrun, the Frey army is preparing to move north to the Twins
  • Mission: Move north to the Twins w/ secondary mission to bring hostages from Twins to Casterly Rock
  • Composition: Approximately 1500 men.

Daven Lannister

His coz wanted to know what should be done with it, and with the siege equipment he had built, his rams and sows and towers and trebuchets. Daven proposed that they drag it all to Raventree and use it there. Jaime told him to put everything to the torch, starting with the gallows. "I mean to deal with Lord Tytos myself. It won’t require a siege tower." (AFFC, Jaime VII)

  • Situation: Having successfully completed the siege of Riverrun, Daven's force looks as though it's being separated into smaller contingents, one contingent moves w/ Forley Prester, another is w/ Jaime near Raven Tree Hall and a third is sticking w/ him near Riverrun.
  • Mission: Marry a Frey girl, keep Riverrun from falling back into the hands of the Blackfish.
  • Composition: 1800 men (Jaime's army + his Westerlands Army)

Forley Prester

When Edmure and the Westerlings departed, four hundred men rode with them; Jaime had doubled the escort again at the last moment. He rode with them a few miles, to talk with Ser Forley Prester. Though he bore a bull's head upon his surcoat and horns upon his helm, Ser Forley could not have been less bovine. He was a short, spare, hard-bitten man. With his pinched nose, bald pate, and grizzled brown beard, he looked more like an innkeep than a knight. (AFFC, Jaime VII)

  • Situation: After the successful seizure of Riverrun, Forley Prester was given command of 400 men to head back to Casterly Rock.
  • Mission: Escort Jeyne Westerling to Casterly Rock, kill her if she attempts to flee.
  • Composition: 480 men

The Crownlands & Narrow Sea

Loras Tyrell

As for the Lannister host, two thousand seasoned veterans remained encamped outside the city walls, awaiting the arrival of Paxter Redwyne’s fleet to carry them across Blackwater Bay to Dragonstone. (AFFC, Jaime III)

"A thousand men are dead, or near enough to make no matter. Most of them our own. And not just common men, Your Grace, but knights and young lords, the best and the bravest."

"And Ser Loras himself?"

"He will make a thousand and one." (AFFC, Cersei VIII)

  • Situation: Though the Lannisters/Reachmen took Dragonstone, they took significant losses in battle, losing close to 1000 men in the field. Loras Tyrell was wounded in the battle.
  • Mission: Secure Dragonstone
  • Composition: Probably 1000 or so survivors.

Randyll Tarly/Mace Tyrell

If your daughter is as innocent as you’d have us believe, why must you have your army present when she faces her accusers? (ADWD, Epilogue)

  • Situation: Margaery's imprisonment & Trial caused the Reach Armies to to march on King's Landing from Storm's End (Mace) & Duskendale (Randyll)...
  • Mission: To, uh, ensure a fair trial for Margaery.
  • Composition: If Garlan Tyrell took half the Reach's host to take Brightwater Keep and left a small force at Storm's End, approximately 38,000 men.

Cersei Lannister

You have six thousand gold cloaks. (AFFC, Cersei X)

  • Situation: Cersei faces Trial by Battle for her crimes while 2 armies from the Reach sit outside of KL. Margaery is also on Trial, but she is being tried by the Faith.
  • Mission: Survive her trial, avenge herself on her enemies
  • Composition: There are 6000 Goldcloaks in KL, though most of them aren't very experienced soldiers.

The Stormlands

Mathis Rowan

"Mace Tyrell has abandoned his siege of Storm’s End to march back to King’s Landing and save his daughter, leaving only a token force behind to keep Stannis’s men penned up inside the castle." (ADWD, Griff II)

  • Situation: When Mace marched north to King's Landing, he left Lord Mathis Rowan to continue investing Storm's End in siege.
  • Mission: Keep Gilbert Farring bottled up inside of Storm's End.
  • Composition: A scant force, probably no more than 500 or so.
  • Spoiler Conclusion: Spoilers TWOW

Gilbert Farring

Ser Gilbert Farring holds Storm’s End for me still, with two hundred loyal men. (ASOS, Davos IV)

  • Situation: When Stannis Baratheon went north, he left small garrisons behind to hold the castles of Dragonstone & Storm's End. Ser Gilbert Farring was charged with defending Storm's End.
  • Mission: Hold the castle for Stannis.
  • Composition: 200 men
  • Spoiler Conclusion: Spoilers TWOW

Aegon & the Golden Company

"If Storm’s End is so impregnable, how do you mean to take it?" asked Malo.

"By guile." (ADWD, Griff II)

  • Situation: Having landed haphazardly along the east coast of the Stormlands, the Golden Company has seized the initiative and seized several castles in the Stormlands.
  • Mission: Take Storm's End, proclaim Aegon king of Westeros, eventually seize King's Landing
  • Composition: 10,000 men (though only 8500 have reached the shores as of the end of ADWD)
  • Spoiler Conclusion: Spoilers TWOW

Concluded in Comments!

04 Feb 14:01

Every 90's Commercial Ever

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youtube.com – posted by lazy_p

03 Feb 15:45

Just getting a snack

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youtube.com – posted by mydogisarhino

03 Feb 03:07

[Haiku]SNAAAAAAKE

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youtube.com – posted by Killkode8

03 Feb 00:23

Tremors 5 due October 2015. Michael Gross returns as an aged Burt Gummer, with Jamie Kennedy co-starring as Burt's right-hand man.

poopyscott

ALRIGHT TREMORS FI-oh it has Jamie Kennedy.

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bloody-disgusting.com – posted by danlucas

03 Feb 00:23

SIMPSONS PIXELS

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youtube.com – posted by Shit_Scared

03 Feb 00:20

No one wanted to come with me

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vimeo.com – posted by jrappo

02 Feb 20:20

Want to be the new drummer for Behold… The Arctopus?

by Joe Thrashnkill
behold

You. YEAH YOU. The dingus playing 7/5 drums at 4 AM. Want to play drums with Colin Marston? Get in here.

Techy weirdos Behold… The Actopus are looking for a new drummer and YOU just might fit the bill. Let’s do a quick test. Does this junk make any sense to you?

What the fuck is this

Yeah, me either. BUT FOR THE REST OF YOU, Colin Marston (of Gorguts, Dysrhythmia, Krallice, a fuck ton of production credits) and his band Behold… The Arctopus is looking for a siqq drummer to lay down some massive biddly biddly bomp beats over weird widdly widdly womp melodies. The band has recently separated from former drummer “Weasel Walter” so this is your chance to shine as the new Badger Barry. Or Marmot Marion. Or something.

You’ll just have to audition by video so it doesn’t really matter where in the world you live. Horrorscension, the band’s last album came out in 2012 so supposedly they have a full album’s worth of material ready to go. They just need YOU.

Here’s the word straight from the band’s Facebook page:

New year, new music, new drummer? We have amicably parted ways with the talented and busy Weasel Walter and now need YOU to be our drummer.

Some things to consider…

We notate our music, including drum parts. But we welcome changes to the written music that maintain the spirit of the composition, and add your own personal touch to the parts.

We usually don’t rehearse a lot. If you live in NYC, we might get together a couple of times a month. If you live in Norway, even less. Realize that most learning will be done on your own and rehearsals are for usually for ironing out weird details and bringing up the tempos. The easier it is for you to learn parts on your own, the better fit you will be.

That’s about it. Here’s an average looking drum part (see above). If it makes sense to you, and you’re interested, tell us who you are and send us a video of your playing. We want to give anyone who’s really interested the chance to learn 2 new songs and convince us that you are the new drummer.

So whatchoo think? Can you hang with these skronky tunes? If so, hit Colin up!

 Big ‘ol thanks to Rory for hitting us up with this info.

02 Feb 17:51

Windows 10 for Raspberry Pi 2

poopyscott

This isn't going to run Windows, but I guess will have window components so apps can run? It's confusing, so I have no idea what this is yet. I do want to see Windows 10 ASAP though, 7 is starting to really bother me and I want to format, bad.

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dev.windows.com – posted by joaojeronimo

01 Feb 02:14

(Spoilers All) 20-second "pledge" videos for Houses Stark, Lannister, Targaryen, and, yes, Baratheon

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watchersonthewall.com – posted by RegularGuy815

01 Feb 01:33

[Haiku] Oww!

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youtube.com – posted by Tiger8566

31 Jan 18:21

A woman in Texas grabs the mic from Muslim speaker and goes on a religious rant

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youtu.be – posted by jjhumperdink

31 Jan 18:20

Al Sharpton's Hilarious Teleprompter Flub On MSNBC Show

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youtube.com – posted by ralphwauren

30 Jan 23:44

This is how you pack a UPS truck

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i.imgur.com – posted by mattfuckingwaters

30 Jan 23:44

The story of a cat that thought she wanted to go outside this morning.

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i.imgur.com – posted by BarneyRubble3

30 Jan 23:44

Steam Has ALL OF THE LEGOs on Sale

by Nick Puleo
poopyscott

What's the best? I have Lego Marvel, and LOTR.

Do you like LEGO games? What about Batman? Lord of the Rings? Harry Potter? You like ALL OF THOSE? Prepare to open up your duct tape covered wallet then this weekend as Steam is having a massive sale on all of those LEGO games. Your couch co-op, kid friendly, game collection is about to become a lot larger.

Here's the list of what's on sale:

 The deals are live this weekend on Steam. Most games support two player couch co-op play.


Read More
30 Jan 23:43

New poster for 'Terminator: Genisys' featuring Arnie

poopyscott

He's Old.

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i.imgur.com – posted by Murreey

30 Jan 22:57

Photo



30 Jan 22:57

a short story



a short story

29 Jan 22:06

Real Housewife "performs" her new "hit single"

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youtu.be – posted by baloobin

28 Jan 12:41

New All-Female 'Ghostbusters' Cast Chosen

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hollywoodreporter.com – posted by zampa

27 Jan 17:37

Fantastic Four Trailer

poopyscott

BOOORING

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youtube.com – posted by Verify01

26 Jan 21:16

"Fight For Your Right" music video without music



"Fight For Your Right" music video without music