Life's Work Clinic

Okay, so we all just survived the election season. Some of us feel vindicated, and surely some of us feel let down or disappointed. This seems to be baked into the nature of this type of collective experience.

One thing is for certain as we dust ourselves off and move forward, and that is that for some people in our country and in our world, it has been tough the past few years. This goes way, way beyond political parties or elections. Prices have skyrocketed in many critical areas, and we can all sense a particular flavor of uncertainty as we all move forward as a nation. This uncertainty coupled with yet another rather ugly election cycle has no doubt left some of us feeling that the challenges we all face can at times seem daunting and insurmountable.

Truth is, we as a nation have been through a lot worse, and every time we have come out on the other side better as a people and better as a country. It’s this spirit that defines us as a country, and it too is baked into the fabric of our lives. We are as a whole, a resilient country, and we are the ones, as citizens, who represent this. We as a people are the ones responsible for living this.

This reminds me of a Finnish philosophy called SISU. While there is no one word in our language that can translate this, it is a part of the fabric of Finnish culture that I adopted years ago. It represents determination in the face of adversity, and it is especially helpful in situations where we need the courage to stand up in the face of uncertain or overwhelming odds. This is a way to find resilience through stress management even when we repeatedly fail to succeed in our work or when we find ourselves in a situation where we must exceed our physical or mental capacity. It speaks to a grit that is born from within ourselves at an individual or collective level that comes from a place of resilience and determination. It speaks to times very much like this.

It sounds like us. It sounds like the United States of America. It sounds very much like our story as well, and it calls on us to be our very best no matter what.

Emotional Ups and Downs: When It’s More Than Just Sadness

Everyone feels sad sometimes, but how do you know when it’s something more? 

There is a common belief that sadness and depression are the same, but when we understand the differences, we can better see when it’s time to get help.

Sadness is a perfectly natural, human emotion.  It is usually triggered by some type of event, and this feeling will typically fade over time with support or other positive experiences.  It is temporary and relatively short-lived. 

Clinical Depression, on the other hand, is a mental health condition where people feel symptoms that are more powerful than sadness, lasts 2 weeks or more, leads to a loss of interest in doing things a person previously enjoyed, interferes with sleep or eating patterns and generally leads to difficulty concentrating and doing everyday activities.  This can be intense enough that people begin to feel hopeless.  It is also not always triggered by some specific event.  In these ways, it differs greatly from normal sadness which often is triggered by events and temporary.

Quick Recap on How to Tell the Difference Between Sadness and Depression:

• How Long Does It Last?  Sadness is short-term, depression is long-term.
• How Much Does It Impact You? Sadness does not significantly impair daily functioning, but depression can disrupt work, relationships, and health.
• How Intense Is It? Sadness fluctuates, depression feels unrelenting and “heavy”.
• Is There An Emotional Numbness?  The feeling of numbness is not common for sadness but is for depression.

When should we seek help for Depression?  Seek professional help if your feelings last more than a week or two, get worse or if you have any type of suicidal thoughts.

As a therapist who helps people with depression, I would love to leave you with the understanding that not only is depression treatable, but there are a variety of different approaches from therapy, medications and lifestyle changes. 

Remember that it is just as important and normal to seek help for your mental health as it is for your physical health.  Checking in with how you are feeling is super important, and checking in on each other is also just as important.  With the right help, people often recover from depression, and that help is just one phone call away.

For many of us, we try to avoid failure at all costs, but what if embracing it could change everything?  Failure is a universal experience.  Truth is that failure is not actually the end…though it can sometimes feel that way.  It is more of a steppingstone, and when we move from fearing failure to embracing it, our potential for growth expands.

Talking about failure is not something a lot of us are comfortable doing.  The feelings of shame, disappointment or inadequacy from failures can linger long after the event itself.  These feelings are normal.  When we show ourselves some self-compassion, these very “negative” emotions can act as guideposts for us in the process of learning and growing from our failures.

Truth be told, failure provides us with a lot of valuable feedback.  We can reflect on this feedback by asking ourselves the following questions: 1) What can be learned from this? 2) What can I do differently next time?  The answers to these questions can help us become more resilient and can be used as motivation to act differently, try harder or take a new direction the next time around.

Having failed many times myself, I am constantly inspired by others who have shown resilience in the face of repeated failure.  JK Rowling was a single mother living in poverty.  She was rejected by the first 12 publishers before Harry Potter was finally published.  Despite battling with hardships and depression, she persisted, used her failure to refine her work and never stopped believing in her story.  Her resilience turned her failures into an awe-inspiring, global success story.

Here are some practical steps to move into embracing and learning from failure:

• Accept that failure is just another part of the journey to success in anything.
• Stay grounded in the present moment to reduce the fear of failing.
• Set realistic goals and make sure to celebrate even the smallest victory.
• Seek support from friends, mentors and professionals if needed.

Failing does not make one a failure.  If we approach failure with courage and curiosity, our failures can become a bridge to something even better.  It may not feel like it while you are in the thick of it, but our failures can be some of our greatest opportunities for growth.

Emotional Ups and Downs: When It’s More Than Just Sadness

Everyone feels sad sometimes, but how do you know when it’s something more? 

There is a common belief that sadness and depression are the same, but when we understand the differences, we can better see when it’s time to get help.

Sadness is a perfectly natural, human emotion.  It is usually triggered by some type of event, and this feeling will typically fade over time with support or other positive experiences.  It is temporary and relatively short-lived. 

Clinical Depression, on the other hand, is a mental health condition where people feel symptoms that are more powerful than sadness, lasts 2 weeks or more, leads to a loss of interest in doing things a person previously enjoyed, interferes with sleep or eating patterns and generally leads to difficulty concentrating and doing everyday activities.  This can be intense enough that people begin to feel hopeless.  It is also not always triggered by some specific event.  In these ways, it differs greatly from normal sadness which often is triggered by events and temporary.

Quick Recap on How to Tell the Difference Between Sadness and Depression:

• How Long Does It Last?  Sadness is short-term, depression is long-term.
• How Much Does It Impact You? Sadness does not significantly impair daily functioning, but depression can disrupt work, relationships, and health.
• How Intense Is It? Sadness fluctuates, depression feels unrelenting and “heavy”.
• Is There An Emotional Numbness?  The feeling of numbness is not common for sadness but is for depression.

When should we seek help for Depression?  Seek professional help if your feelings last more than a week or two, get worse or if you have any type of suicidal thoughts.

As a therapist who helps people with depression, I would love to leave you with the understanding that not only is depression treatable, but there are a variety of different approaches from therapy, medications and lifestyle changes. 

Remember that it is just as important and normal to seek help for your mental health as it is for your physical health.  Checking in with how you are feeling is super important, and checking in on each other is also just as important.  With the right help, people often recover from depression, and that help is just one phone call away.

Recently, Americans across the country took the time to honor our veterans for their service and sacrifice.  Memorial Day has become an iconic part of our culture, and for good reason.  It’s not enough to form a Constitutional Republic.  We have to be willing and able to defend it from those who would see harm come to it, and, for me personally, this is why I celebrate the men and women who have served in our Armed Forces.

So, like a good American, I invited a veteran friend over to join us for burgers and other holiday fare.  As a person who did not serve in any Armed Forces, while we were sitting around chatting, it dawned on me that there was something larger going on here.

My friend is actually part of a small but vital part of our country.  He is one of those who willingly sacrifices his time and effort to public service still to this day in our local community and politics.  In short, I began to realize how important these types of servants are in our country and that often the need to be of service to their community extends well beyond our service men and women’s time in our Armed Services.  These citizens are just cut out of a different cloth, and it is super inspiring.

Now, I know, this is a mental health column, so you started reading this to get, perhaps, some tips on veteran mental health.  I just want to take a bit of a different approach this time around.

I would first like to honor that everyone seems to have a different experience in the Armed Forces, and I have seen people with no visible scars and seemingly no emotional scars who speak fondly of their time in the military.  There are also those whose experience led to a lot of trauma both physical and emotional.  How can we tell the difference?

That brings me to my final point of the column.

There’s only one person who truly knows what wounds, if any, exist in veterans who served our country: The veteran.  Ask them.  Not all wounds are on the surface, but we don’t know about them if we never ask.  It’s another way that we have to say thank you to our vets for their service that goes beyond barbecues and national holidays.

Maintaining Good Boundaries in the Workplace

Have you ever felt like there are times when work can blur the line between what’s “part of the job” and what feels just plain overwhelming? Maybe you’ve said “yes” to a task you actually knew you didn’t have time for or responded to emails late into the evening — even when you were already drained. If so, you are definitely not alone. One of the most important skills for maintaining our mental health at work is learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries.

Contrary to what we have heard, boundaries aren’t about being rigid, cold or (gasp!) mean— they’re about maintaining your self-respect. When we set boundaries, we communicate what we need in order to do our best work without the risk of burning out. And when we don’t set and maintain them, resentment, anxiety, and exhaustion often creep in. I speak from experience having suffered from burnout in a previous career. Let me tell you, it was a big ball of no fun at all!

From a mental health perspective, poor boundaries keep us stuck in stress mode. When we say “yes” when we mean “no,” our fight, flight or freeze response is activated, and our focus and creativity suffer. Clear boundaries, on the other hand, activate feelings of safety. They help us feel more in control and less reactive, creating space for healthier interactions, clearer thinking and, believe it or not, even better levels of productivity.

Here are a few steps to start strengthening your workplace boundaries:

• Pause and Ask: “Is this really my responsibility?” or “Do I honestly have the time/energy for this?”
• Communicate Early: Don’t wait until you’re already frustrated to say what’s not working.
• Use “Kind Clarity”: It’s okay to say, “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now.”
• Honor Your Limits: Clock out when the day is done, and leave your work at your workplace. Your rest is not optional — it’s essential.

Remember, maintaining good boundaries doesn’t make you a bad teammate. It makes you a sustainable one! When you maintain boundaries, you are reminding yourself and those you work with that you actually care about your energy, your focus, and your peace. In this way, you get show up as your best self, both for others and for you, and you will have energy left over to give to your loved ones.

In my work as a therapist, people will often call me looking for help with anxiety and depression.  When we dig a bit deeper, they will sometimes tell me that they went to their doctor about this, and they were put on anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs.  This is, after all, the standard of care.  The new client will sometimes tell me that they do feel less depressed and less anxious, but now they just sit around on the couch, unable to move with nothing but their thoughts to keep them company…and often they don’t make for great company!

When I hear this, my experience has taught me to look a little deeper.  Immobility is not the outcome that we should be looking for from any psychiatric drug therapy.  What we want is better functioning not less.  Could the two drugs be just medicating symptoms and not the actual cause?  Well, of course, this is a possibility, so what we need is to get to the root of the issue.

In many of these clients, after some further assessment, it’s discovered that they have undiagnosed or untreated ADHD or ADD.  How does this present in a person’s life?

Common Signs of Undiagnosed Adult ADHD

• Chronic procrastination or disorganization
• Difficulty sustaining attention (even on things you enjoy)
• Frequently feeling mentally “scattered” or overwhelmed
• Poor time management
• Restlessness or emotional impulsivity

At its core, people with ADHD or ADD have a problem starting, doing or finishing things, and it is easy to see how this could lead to frustration, anxiety and even depression.  Treating the symptoms does not get to the core reasons that a client feels these ways, but luckily there are other strategies available.

If you or someone you love has been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD, here are some suggestions:

Daily Functioning Tips

• Use external structure: calendars, visual timers, and alarms
• Break tasks into micro-steps: tackle “start the laundry” instead of “clean the house”
• Body-doubling: Work alongside a friend or coworker (even virtually) to increase focus
• Seek professional assessment if symptoms impact your relationships, job, or well-being
• Drug Therapies: These are a last resort, but many patients see great results from stimulant medications.

ADHD isn’t a character flaw—it’s simply a different way of processing the world. With the right tools, support, and self-compassion, adult ADHD or ADD can become something you manage, not something that defines you.

It’s hard sometimes to even imagine what life would be like without social media.  The benefits it offers are so amazing.  It keeps us in contact with so many people, keeps us updated on their lives and gives us access to information that we would simply not get from traditional media sources. 

Truth is that social media has become almost fully integrated into many of our lives.  It’s like constant streaming highlight reels from people’s lives, but let’s face it, it’s also a kind of like a resume’ that’s maybe a little on the sunny side of the truth sometimes. 

When we try to compare our lives to the lives of others, this can get a bit difficult at times when our own lives just don’t quite seem to add up.  This can be really difficult for kids and adolescents who are still developing their identities or people with already existing anxiety or depression.

We can also suffer from a Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).  Do you or your loved ones sometimes stay of late into the night consuming social media?  Is it sometimes hard to walk away?  Social media is a potent kick of the neurotransmitter, Dopamine, and it can leave us wanting another hit…just one more post or video…The struggle is reel. 

How are we to find balance with social media?

The following are some helpful tips:

1. Focus on Real Life Connections: Prioritize spending time with people in-person or join a local group that interests you.
2. Focus on Positive Content: Be sure to curate a feed by following only people who share positive life messages, and delete, unfollow or mute people who trigger negative emotions.
3. Develop Healthy Habits: Focus on hobbies like exercise or other creative habits outside of social media that allow you to redirect your attention.

Social media is a lot like a double-edged sword.  It helps us stay connected while at the same time creating a challenge for mental health.  As a therapist, I rarely encourage people to just go cold-turkey from social media, but I do encourage people to regularly assess their relationship with it.  When we do this, we can sometimes regain better control of our digital habits for better mental health.

Have you ever been stressed out at work?  Truth is that many of us have, and sometimes it just seems like it is par for the course.  Some industries are more prone to this than others.  If you are in one of these high stress jobs, chances are you are already aware of this!  Because of this it is super important to be proactive about your own mental health and how it might be affected by your career or your employees. 

Social stigma and work cultural barriers can play a role in these types of issues being ignored.  This stress can lead to increases in absenteeism, accidents and employee turnover.  In the extreme, these environments can lead to higher rates of depression, anxiety and even suicide in employees. 

People who work in industries like healthcare, construction or other trades as well as jobs where there are long hours, high levels of pressure and other physical safety risks are all prone to higher levels of stress.  If you have ever worked in one of these professions and been told that people who have mental health challenges are just “not cut out for this type of work”, you are not alone.  This sort of business culture is toxic and can have a host of negative effects if ignored, dismissed or belittled.

In these types of work environments, there are several ways to begin to address the mental health of the team:

• You Will Need Leadership Buy-In: It is of critical importance to have managers and the leadership team modeling and supporting mental wellness.
• Having Accessible Support Services: EAPs (Employee Assistance Programs) are a great start and some employers even create partnerships with local therapists.  I once had 5 different employees from one local employer seeing me.
• Implementing Mental Health Policies: These can be encouraging rest, regular breaks, and reasonable workloads.
• Employers Can Create An Open Culture: This is done by the leadership helping to create an environment where discussing mental health is normalized and supported.

To all the employers in our world, it’s important to understand that employee mental health is not just compassionate—It is strategic.  Resilient workers create resilient businesses.  For all the employees, your mental health matters, and checking in regularly with your state of being will reap tremendous rewards for you.