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Headline About So-Called ‘Lobsterman’ Extremely Misleading
Basquiat's Former Loft Is On AirBnB
Sam Humphries' singular possessive apostrophe: "Why does it matter that it's another white guy?"
I think a lot about this.
TV: Expert Witness: What happens when you win The Price Is Right?

In entertainment, an awful lot of stuff happens behind closed doors, from canceling TV shows to organizing music festival lineups. While the public sees the end product on TVs, movie screens, or radio dials, they don’t see what it took to get there. In Expert Witness, The A.V. Club talks to industry insiders about the actual business of entertainment in hopes of shedding some light on how the pop-culture sausage gets made.
Everyone, at some point in life, has watched The Price Is Right and wondered, “What would I do if I won the Showcase Showdown?” Andrea Schwartz actually knows. She appeared on the show in March 2012 and walked away with $1,200, a Mazda 2, a pool table, a shuffleboard table, and some earrings. Yet despite how glamorous and fortunate the whole experience might have looked to a viewer, there was a lot of red tape ...
Read moretastefullyoffensive: Dads Dragged Along to a One Direction...
Cowboy Bebop is finally coming to Blu-ray in North America
Dozens of dead and disoriented birds ‘fall like rain’ over Winnipeg

In what is being described as a scene straight out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, hundreds of black birds, possibly grackles, began flocking in a “bizarre manner” atop trees, rooftops, and vehicles in Winnipeg’s north end. And then they just started to drop one by one “like raindrops.” Animal experts are baffled.
Sticking It to Sochi: Russian LGBT Activists on What Works
batchix: ineedmasculism: callmekitto: nightfallsforisaac: lor...





I found it. I found the worst article ever.
i wear bug eyed sunglasses so that demon rage that boils into my eyes does it warn you of impending attack
"…Women choose comfort over style at the airport, the grocery store, or Starbucks, but what they don’t know is that all these spots are exactly the places where one might meet a potential mate…"
WOMEN??? CHOOSE COMFORT???? OVER MEN???? DRESS WAY THEY WANT TO DrESS??? NOT THINK OF MAN?!?! IMPOSSIBLE!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!! MUST PLEASE MY WEINER AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!
excuse me why are you not spending every waking moment looking like what i want?
well ladies, i think we found our new uniform.
(amusement) The only man I’ve ever met for the first time at the grocery store* who I wanted to talk to was Richard Chamberlain. And he didn’t care what I was wearing, and I didn’t care what he was wearing, and we had a lovely chat.
And besides him? Not a single other worthwhile hit in a forty-year sample. So to this whole line of reasoning: Pfffff.
*It was the Hughes Market on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City. (I think it was near Coldwater but I could be wrong. Who knows if it’s even still there…)
Most polite getaway car ever

When the anonymous Section 6 operatives infiltrate and attack Section 9 to abduct what remains of the cybernetic body housing Project 2501, you’d think the last thing on their mind would be courteous driving. Yet when they are fleeing Togusa’s mighty mullet-fueled pistol rage, we see a surprisingly polite feature of their car.
Speeding along, they come to a cross-alley where they nearly run into a passing garbage truck. They slam on their brakes, and reverse the car to give the truck some room. When they’re reversing, a broad red panel on the back of the vehicle illuminates the English word “BACK.”


The signal disappears when the brake is pressed and the entire panel glows the bright red.

We see the rear end of other vehicles throughout the movie, and none even have the display surface to present such a signal. Even Batou’s ride—and he’s a badpass—lacks anything like a large display surface.

This is unique in the film to this vehicle. It seems that yes, Section 6 is not only trying to cover the tracks that lead to the artificial intelligence that they have created, but are driving the most polite getaway car ever while doing it.
To be clear: This is a bad idea
First of course, driving around in a unique vehicle goes against the whole plan of trying to get away. So, there’s that.
Secondly, why is it in English? We see a lot of signage in the movie, and it’s all Chinese (tip-o-the hat to commenter Don for helping me identify the characters), so this is another conspicuous signal. We do see broken-English labels on the virtual 3D scanner, but this “interface” English in software is not unheard of.
Lastly, it’s unsafe. In traffic accidents, split-seconds of delay can be deadly, and reading is a slower process than just seeing. The more common white (or amber in the antipodes) reversing lamps is a much more arresting, immediate, and safe signal to the drivers behind you, and so would make a much better choice.
Man Made Clear-Headed Choice To Upload Series Of Online Videos Explaining How To Install Surround Sound Speakers
Semen for every species: inside the USDA's supersize livestock sperm bank
firehoseaw skeet skeet god damn
In 2001, several million cows and sheep were slaughtered following a massive outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease in the UK. The illness' spread was eventually contained, but not after stoking international fears of a widespread livestock pandemic.
Should a more severe incident occur in the future, however, scientists will be prepared: the USDA has for more than a decade been stockpiling sperm, preserved using liquid nitrogen, from 18 different livestock species. All told, according to Modern Farmer, the agency's semen storehouse now boasts more than 700,000 samples. The intent of the storehouse is to protect both rare and common animal breeds from full-scale wipeout, and dole out semen to scientists, breeders, and farmers who need a particular strain.
- Source Modern Farmer
- Image Credit branislavpudar (shutterstock)
- Related Items quick read modern farmer animal agriculture foot and mouth disease semen sperm banks livestock
Teen sues school for $2 million over misuse of Facebook bikini photo | Digital Trends
City of London orders Renew to stop tracking citizens with its trash cans
Apparently Londoners aren't fond of being tracked by public trash cans. Less than a month after Renew began anonymously collecting information about people walking past their Wi-Fi-enabled trash bins, the City of London has put a stop to the practice. “We have already asked the firm concerned to stop this data collection immediately, and we have also taken the issue to the Information Commissioner’s Office,” the City of London said in a statement. ”Irrespective of what’s technically possible, anything that happens like this on the streets needs to be done carefully, with the backing of an informed public.”
Renew collected details on the speed and proximity of passersby using 12 of its 100 "smart" bomb-proof trash receptacles that were installed throughout the city ahead of 2012's Summer Olympics. The manufacturer of each smartphone within tracking distance was also logged, with Renew claiming that all of this data was simply being used to assist its partners produce better targeted advertising.
That did little to quell public concern, leading CEO Kaveh Memari to issue a public letter explaining Renew's intent. "At this stage, we are only running a pilot with extremely limited, encrypted, anonymous/aggregated data," he writes. "It is very much like a website, you can tell how many hits you have had and how many repeat visitors, but we cannot tell who, or anything personal about any of the visitors on the website." Nonetheless, Renew has already pulled the plug on the controversial experiment, confirming to Quartz that all trials have ceased.
- Via Quartz
- Source City of London
- Related Items london tracking monitoring renew city of london trash bin
To learn spying software, NSA analysts “unlock achievements” to win “skilz”

Late last month, the Guardian explained how Xkeyscore, a tool used by the US National Security Agency, is used by analysts to examine online communications with great precision. Xkeyscore is impressive in its breadth:
The purpose of XKeyscore is to allow analysts to search the metadata as well as the content of emails and other internet activity, such as browser history, even when there is no known email account (a “selector” in NSA parlance) associated with the individual being targeted.
Analysts can also search by name, telephone number, IP address, keywords, the language in which the internet activity was conducted or the type of browser used.
Notable among the many follow-up stories is one posted in English today by Der Spiegel, a respected German magazine. The piece looks at the relationship between German intelligence and the NSA, data collection on German soil, and the use of Xkeyscore from a base in Hesse, a state in the west of the country. According to Der Spiegel, NSA analysts raved about Xkeyscore once they got the hang of it, but it took time to train them. Buried within the piece is this nugget:
To create additional motivation [to learn how to use Xkeyscore], the NSA incorporated various features from computer games into the program. For instance, analysts who were especially good at using XKeyscore could acquire “skilz” points and “unlock achievements.” The training units in Hesse were apparently successful. ECC [European Cryptologic Center, an NSA outpost in Germany] analysts had achieved the “highest average of skilz points” compared with all other NSA departments participating in the training program.
The NSA is using what’s referred to, generally without irony, as “gamification.” The ugliness of the word is exceeded only by what it means. Gamification refers to using game mechanics such as levels, points, rewards, and competition in real-world contexts. That generally means incentives like being awarded badges, or indeed “skilz”. Everything can be gamified: health, education, love, business, government, charity, customer relations management and sales, saving the world—and even, it turns out, spying.
What the inside of a pneumatic transport system looks like
firehosevia GN
tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuubes

While most of us are familiar with pneumatic transport systems by their use at drive-up bank windows, these systems are also commonly found in hospitals ferrying samples around. When [Aidan] was in the hospital, he asked how this series of tubes routed samples from many different floors to the lab and back again. Well, give him an old tube to play around with and he’ll eventually come up with a way to record the inside of one of these pneumatic tubes, giving some insight into how this system actually works.
When asked, a tech that uses this system on a daily basis described it as a very basic physical Ethernet that sucks and blows through rotary junctions and physical hubs to route packets to different areas of the building. [Aidan] wanted to record a tube’s travels, so he wired up a small HD camera, a bunch of LEDs, and a few batteries. Sending this recording sample container revealed some of how this pneumatic system works; the containers will travel forward and stop before reversing through one of the rotary switches. You can check out the flight of the container in the video below.
Of course there are other glimpses of how stuff travels through the unseen world of getting from point A to point B. Here’s a time lapse camera going on a trip via DHL just for kicks.
Filed under: digital cameras hacks
Video games in libraries improve circulation, create safe spaces
Libraries that provide video games for cardholders to check out, as well as venues for members to play games within the library, increase the circulation of literature and create havens for younger patrons, according to a report from NPR.
The report surveys a handful of library systems that offer video games to its members. The Houston Public Library, which houses more than a dozen consoles and handheld systems for members to use — including seven PlayStation 3 and four Xbox 360 consoles hooked up to large screen TVs — says people who come in to play games often check out more books as well.
"It's a primary part of our service that we offer, and it results in a 15 to 20 percent increase in the circulation of books," Sandy Farmer, manager of Central Youth Services for the library, told NPR. "The kids and the teens spend more time here. Families come — their parents have things to do on the computers, because a lot of the families don't have computer access at home, so the kids have some things to do and while they're here. They find out, 'There's Superman. I can read Superman.'"
The New York Public Library's NYPLarcade program is similar to a book club, encouraging members who play the library's games to gather and discuss them.
"Gamers can come in, they can play games and they can also talk about them and engage in an analytical discussion: talk about strategic methods for winning and really sharing ideas and thoughts about how the games work, their structure and so forth," said Kevin Winkler, director of Library Sites and Services.
Hackensack, New Jersey's Johnson Public Library uses video games to create a safe space for teenagers, although with a few rules: no games rated M or above are allowed.
"[Video games are] fun, and I think there's a value to kids coming to the library and having fun and having a place where they can hang out with each other," said librarian Keri Adams. "There aren't a lot of safe places teenagers can go, so it's important to give them that, even if it isn't the most educational experience."
Modness: High School Of The Dead Mount & Blade Mod
firehosesome days, I love modders
By Craig Pearson on August 12th, 2013 at 3:00 pm.

The mod news ticker is all tick-tick-tick-tack-tack-tack-i-will-kill-you-in-your-sleep. I usually don’t pay it that much attention, because it’s not plugged in and doesn’t actually exist, but now it’s clacking away and demanding that we should pay more attention to Mount & Blade’s mod scene. While I don’t imagine the High School Of The Dead mod it prints out is in anyway representative of the scene’s usual output, it’s silly enough to make me want to investigate more. I shall. Meanwhile, H.O.T.D. is a mod that brings high school pupils, zombies, cities, and civil unrest into the base game’s feudal war nonsense. There is some footage below. Also, can someone recommend an exorcist who deals in imaginary electronics? The news ticker is now spewing blood and doing something horrible with a crucifix.
Like I say, I’m more interested in the extremes it adds to the base game than anything else. I don’t know the lore of this particular piece of Japanese literature, so I can’t tell you what’s going on, why there’s a unit in the game called “Right-Wing Activist”, or even why there’s a gorilla in the screenshot. I do know that there’s free-roaming city-hub for you to explore, where multiple factions clash swinging makeshift weapons of brooms and what I think are hat-stands. It is strange, and I’m glad it exists. One man’s labour of love.
So now I have to find more polished mods for any game of the series. Or maybe you can tell me all about them, instead? There was one that popped up this weekend: the now obligatory Game Of Thrones mod that PC Gamer covered, and looks like it might be fun. Anything else? It can be really good, or really strange. Either are fine by me.
Teleglitch Telechat
firehose"The realism wars are long over, I suppose, but games like this are just kicking the perfectly textured corpse"
By RPS on August 12th, 2013 at 4:00 pm.

Jim and John have been playing the incredible top-down sci-fi roguelike, Teleglitch. They really do like it. Read on why below.
Jim: Let’s have a chat about Teleglitch in this window.
John: Okay. I haven’t gotten very far though.
Jim: Nor has anyone! Probably.
John: Have you gotten far enough to have a save point?
Jim: Yes, I have the first two save points.
John: Man!
Jim: That took some doing. And I haven’t been able to repeat the feat on my Steam install of it.
John: I’m very much a beginner, still learning to run and stab without getting hurt.
Jim: Stabbing is crucial to success, I believe. And in the game! Because it’s saves valuable gun resources.
John: Indeed. I was all bullet happy the first few times. Now I am bullet unhappy.
Jim: I think the most striking things about it, aside from the brutal difficulty, is how atmospheric it is – do you agree?
John: Yes. And I think so much of that is thanks to the top-down line-of-sight thing. It makes everything much more intense. Also, it’s the first rogue-like I’ve seen that tries to tell a consistent story. What was it about it that grabbed you? Why this game?

Jim: I was eating food with Quinns and he said “it’s a phenomenon!” He wouldn’t say much else. So I had a play and was immediately grabbed. It could have been made for me, actually. I love hammy sci-fi, and top-down games, and difficulty.
John: And teleporting.
Jim: I like that it’s even more lo-fi than 16-bit games of the same ilk.
John: I like that I’m ignorant enough that the super-sciency descriptions of the technology make me go, “Gosh, that’s interesting.”
Jim: Yeah, the sci-fi is sold really well, I think. It’s just sort of weird enough to be plausible, like reading stories about quantum physics in New Scientist.
John:Yes.
Jim: It’s really threatening, too, with the big droning areas of void and so on.
John: Yeah – the sound effects cannot be underrated. Especially the madness of the train noises.
Jim: All the effects, really. Visually it does some startling things with stuff like the weapon distortion blasts. It’s just beautifully made, in a way that a lot of games just miss. What I thought was odd, actually, was that I loved this but didn’t enjoy Hotline Miami, and I wondered if it was because in Teleglitch your death takes longer. You will die, but it’s seldom without a tooth-and-claw scrap. And there’s a lot of brutal improvisation with bombs and things to get past.
John: I’m exactly the same. I bounced off Hotline Miami as if it were made of spaceballoons. But was instantly hooked by Teleglitch. I feel like Teleglitch wants to be played.
Jim: There was an element of mystery on first play of it, too. I had no idea what to expect. And the game keeps that up.
John: Yes – I’m loving that the crafting is so smoothly implemented, not a fiddly distraction, and then allows me to be better equipped for my mad, scrambling panics.
Jim: Yes, even 3D games struggle to get across such a solid system of exploring, scavenging, and then piecing things together. I suppose it’s partly because it’s so simple, but it feels like a perfectly conceived system in a way that so few other games manage.
John: As you progress, do you ever get a greater feeling of stability? Even if it’s just enough ammo to feel calm for a bit?
Jim: Occasionally. It goes up and down, depending on if you waste resources by screwing up an encounter. But the game’s baddies escalate monstrously, and you have to do stuff like build a scanner that shows where ambushes will be, so you can avoid them. I’d say it just gets more and more tense. I can’t imagine what the final levels must be like.
John: Excellent!
Jim: It makes me feel weird that I will almost certainly never see those levels, no matter how much I might grind onwards with it. I can’t quite understand why I have spent so much time on it, either.
John: That’s what I wanted to find out from you. So you’ve no inkling?
Jim: I think it’s a skill mastery thing. I can detect myself getting better at it, and getting a little further each time. But only with sustained play. If I step away for a few weeks I have to relearn much of it. Often these days I have no patience for games that are wantonly difficult, so there must be something about the specific experience of the ones that grab me, some sweet spot of challenge and atmosphere. A challenge I want to best, an atmosphere I want to soak in.
John: For me, it masters something that so few games ever get right: when I fail, it’s all on me. And that, for me, is the incentive to keep going. When a game unfairly kills me I tend to think, “Right, I’m done.” But when I know it was my floundering fingers, I want to better that.
Jim: Yes, I think that’s down to the devs getting randomised content just right. They can’t rely on the player learning “this is where the ninja ambuses me” to get past a difficulty spike, so the fights have to be manageable with the tools the player has.
John: I really do wish that could be the case for more games – to take away the option for developers to think that we can rehearse a sequence before passing it.
Jim: Yeah, it’s bizarre, but I suppose inevitable given how people have ended up designing game as a necessary series of events. Blame Half-Life! Returning to Teleglitch, though, I think this proves yet again that games made with incredibly limited assets and resources can be just as compelling as anything made by giant studios. The realism wars are long over, I suppose, but games like this are just kicking the perfectly textured corpse As much as I think a lot of people will be put off by the roguelike brutality of Teleglitch, i can’t help but recommend everyone play it
John: It’s so odd, switching out of Papers Please to have this chat, wanting to go back to Teleglitch, and really not having considered that the graphics are lofi in the first place. I’m a massive gamewimp, but the brutality has only made me like it more. So I’d say the same, emphasising that if you’re usually put off by such things, this is the one to give a go anyway.
Teleglitch has been out for absolutely ages.
StarCraft Universe MMO turns to Kickstarter
StarCraft Universe, the Blizzard-sanctioned StarCraft 2 mod that turns the real-time strategy title in a massively multiplayer online game, has turned to Kickstarter for development funding.
The mod, which has been in development for two years and will be released through Battle.net, takes place 11 years after the end of StarCraft 2: Wings of Liberty. Developer Upheaval Arts is looking for $80,000 to finish the game's first act and get it into public beta. The first act will include two playable races, the Terran and Protoss, with the ability to play as Zerg a possible stretch goal.
Upheaval Arts notes that while Blizzard is not affiliated with the production of StarCraft Universe, the company has given the project its blessing.
"While Blizzard is not directly affiliated with this project's production, we do communicate with them to submit bug reports and make technical request," reads the post. "They have given their blessing/permission for us to launch this Kickstarter, and they are supporting our efforts by featuring SCU as an Arcade Highlight."
According to the Kickstarter page, funding will be used to expand the team, gain the resources to polish the mod and get it into players' hands "faster, better and sexier."
StarCraft Universe follows the "Utter Darkness" scenario and depicts a world in which Kerrigan dies and the remaining survivors struggle in the face of a hybrid onslaught. Players will need a copy of StarCraft 2 and access to Battle.net to play the free-to-pay mod. The prologue was released through Battle.net in February.
Juror says Bulger defense argument that government was on trial 'actually ... - Boston.com
San Francisco Chronicle |
Juror says Bulger defense argument that government was on trial 'actually ... Boston.com A juror in the James J. “Whitey” Bulger trial says the defense argument that the government was also on trial resonated with jurors as they deliberated for five days on the 32 counts against the former gangster. “It worked!” said Scott Hotyckey in an interview at ... Bulger verdict doesn't end Boston's painUSA TODAY Their lives had one thing in common: 'Whitey' BulgerCNN International Whitey Bulger: Who should play him in the movie? [Poll]Los Angeles Times The Missoulian all 690 news articles » |
Scientists create “impossible material”—dubbed Upsalite—by accident
firehosemy favorite kind of science is fucking up
even though I know it's never as simple as just fucking up
Researchers in Uppsala, Sweden, accidentally left a reaction running over the weekend and ended up solving a century-old chemistry problem. Their work has led to the development of new material, dubbed Upsalite, with remarkable water-binding properties. Upsalite promises to find applications in everything from humidity control at home to chemical manufacturing in industry.
Maria Strømme and colleagues at Uppsala University, whose work appears in the journal PLoS one, have modified a procedure dating back to 1908 to make a powdered and dry form of magnesium carbonate (MgCO3). The reaction ingredients are all cheaply available: magnesium oxide (MgO) and carbon dioxide (CO2), dissolved in methanol, a common industrial solvent. The result is pure, dry MgCO3.
Dry in this case means very dry. In the chemical sense, it means void of almost any water molecules at all.
Read 7 remaining paragraphs | Comments
One Man's Boner For Penises
firehosecocks
Turns Out The Urban Beekeeping Boom Is 'Bad For Bees'
firehose"Experts warn that dense populations of the bees in areas with few feeding plants adds more pressure to the troubled species.
Honeybee declines have been linked to a lack of suitable habitat so increasing the number of London's hives could exacerbate problems.
They urge nature lovers to plant more flowers rather than adding new hives.
The advice of Professor Francis Ratnieks and Dr Karin Alton, from the Laboratory of Apiculture and Social Insects at the University of Sussex is reported in the Society of Biology's magazine The Biologist."
Comics A.M. - Second-Best Month For Comics Sales This Century
TV: For Our Consideration: The case against Breaking Bad
firehose"There are critics who defend Skyler and accuse viewers who despise her of sexism. But the real sexism is built in to the show, which rarely evinces any curiosity about Skyler’s inner life, apart from how it affects Walt. (Quick: Try to think of a scene in which Skyler is funny, or just amused by someone else. Then consider how much humor accrues to even the most dour male characters.) It isn’t until the third season that Breaking Bad shapes Skyler into a figure who can compel empathy, and only through pity, really, as it becomes clear how few options she has. Skyler’s line “I fucked Ted” is exhilarating, but Ted is a loser who will make her life even more miserable. Then there’s Jane, Jesse’s tragic heroin-addict girlfriend, who enters the show as one lamentable stereotype (a goth version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl) and abruptly morphs into another (the emasculating femme fatale) when the plot requires it. Breaking Bad gives none of its female characters the kind of agency that its male characters enjoy."
so let me get this straight
Breaking Bad is about a scientist
who has a companion for the audience to relate to/bounce jokes off of
they drive around in a very distinct vehicle
to quarries
they face down a serialized villainous plot arc per season
his biggest enemy is one of his closest relatives
there's a funny friend/prophet who's not Jewish but just fits all the stereotypes
extreme violence is often played for laughs
oh hi moffat

Ever since its 2008 debut, Vince Gilligan’s saga about the world’s unlikeliest meth kingpin has coasted on a wave of zeitgeist affirmation. It’s the most over-praised entry in television’s present golden age, a show that mixes a slim test tube of thrilling ideas with a fat Erlenmeyer flask full of derivative and obvious ones.
Breaking Bad’s foundation is a towering performance by Bryan Cranston, a performance that is not just flawless in nearly every individual choice but also vast in its range. It extends from heartbreaking poignancy to slapstick worthy of Buster Keaton. But one brilliant actor doesn’t make a great show. All of the characters other than Walter White are sorely underdeveloped. Each starts out as a stock figure with a single discordant vulnerability designed for maximum irony. Hank is a swaggering chucklehead, so he gets panic attacks. Marie is a snippy busybody ...
Read moreDuckTales Remastered review: Money pit
firehose"DuckTales: Remastered is full of miserably dull and frustrating mechanics behind its updated presentation — and no visual overhaul can hide that."
By Russ Frushtick
on August 12, 2013 at 3:01a
| Game Info |
| Platform 360, Wii U, PS3, Win |
| Publisher Capcom |
| Developer WayForward Technologies |
| Release Date 08/13/2013 |
| Price at Launch 14.99 |
DuckTales: Remastered accomplishes a mighty feat, killing a small but cherished portion of my childhood in a matter of hours.
DuckTales on the NES holds a special place in the hearts of 1980s kids. Not only was the game a tie-in to a beloved cartoon series, but it felt tremendously well-crafted, with much of the original Mega Man team from Capcom bringing its expertise to the project. The familiar characters, fantastic score and exploration-heavy gameplay came together to form one of the strongest and most memorable games on the platform.
Therefore, it made perfect sense why Capcom would want to revive it for an HD remake. But, like digging up a beloved pet years after its death, DuckTales hasn't aged well at all.
DuckTales: Remastered fleshes out a story that was mostly relegated to the NES game's instruction booklet. Scrooge McDuck's quest is established by fully-voiced cutscenes courtesy of most of the cartoon's original voice actors. The gist is still simple: the feathered billionaire likes treasure and decides to travel the globe to find even more of it. Each level is peppered with cutscenes, adding color and explanation to otherwise nonsensical scenarios.

These cutscenes make each level feel like its own episode of the cartoon series. But the dialog, while true to the tone of the original series, frequently attempts humor that falls flat. Early on, one a character gets hit on the head by a giant mallet, to which he responds, "Now that's what I call a stomach ache!" McDuck proceeds to correct him, saying that, in truth, it should be his head that hurts.
This is the level of humor that persists throughout. The writing doesn't attempt to cross the age gap. Instead, the jokes in DuckTales: Remastered seem meant just for the eight-and-under set.

The updates to Ducktales: Remastered's art and animation have gotten much more love. The hand-drawn frames used for the characters and enemies looks fantastic. Fans will note that all of the artwork is based off of the show, with details recreated exactly, right down to Scrooge's spats. Cute animation touches also add plenty of charm. Upon getting eaten by a duck-sized pirana plant, Scrooge will stick out the top, ramming the plant with the end of his cane. Or, when hitting a solid object with his patented golf swing, he'll rattle from the vibration, sending a blast of feathers out. But once you get past the presentation to the raw gameplay, things go downhill.
"Once you get past the presentation, things go downhill"
DuckTales: Remastered's controls are imprecise, stiff and unresponsive. Scrooge's pogo stick bounce is unreliable - it often stops midway through a bounce, leading to damage from enemies. Other times Scrooge can also unexpectedly stop bouncing on parts of ledges that shouldn't be an issue. This frequently leads to death due to mistimed jumps that never come.
Frustrating, unfair deaths are especially brutal on the game's Normal difficulty setting, where each and every life is precious and losing three of them will send you back to the very beginning of the stage you're on. With each stage taking about 30 minutes to complete, this can be a bone-crushing setback. The game's Easy setting, on the other hand, goes too far in the other direction, giving you unlimited lives and double health, making the game no challenge at all.
As it happens, these issues plagued the NES version as well. Remastered stays true to the source material, but it does nothing to improve the enjoyment of the game. Even when I wasn't fighting with the controls, DuckTales is starkly dull to play. Enemies are rarely more complex than "walk back and forth until someone jumps on my head," and reappear instantly if you backtrack two feet and return to the same spot. The NES version was forced to employ such cheap difficulty modifiers due to memory constraints, but there's no reason to bring these elements back in the remake.
Wrap Up:
Ducktales would've been better left to 1980s nostalgia
If WayForward and Capcom's end goal was to recreate DuckTales while modernizing the presentation, they've accomplished just that. But other modern updates to classic NES titles have found more accessible, appealing ground, paying homage while improving the weaknesses of the source material. Instead, DuckTales: Remastered is full of miserably dull and frustrating mechanics behind its updated presentation — and no visual overhaul can hide that.
Ducktales Remastered was reviewed using code provided by Capcom. You can read more about Polygon's ethics policy here.
About Polygon's ReviewsDuckTales Remastered review: Solving mysteries, rewriting history
firehosetl;dr: virt kills it on the soundtrack, but they ruined the flow by throwing in a worthless, badly implemented plot, shoddy dialog, unwanted voice acting, extra minecart sequences, and more difficult level completion requirements. "If anything, I'll blame DuckTales Remastered's shortcomings on the current state of digital pricing. It's unfortunate that a short but near-perfect game had to be weighed down with so much extraneous material, seemingly for the sake of padding out its length to justify a premium-priced digital release."
No pressure, right?
Make no mistake: I do not envy WayForward's task here. As wonderful as it is, the original DuckTales is a game that can be played from start to finish in under ten minutes, making it a hard sell for modern audiences. DuckTales Remastered takes all of the content found in the NES original and amplifies the experience with extended level layouts and new gameplay objectives.
WayForward's efforts do justice to the source material and should satisfy fans of both the DuckTales cartoon and NES game, but some missteps and misplaced priorities make Remastered less successful than it could have been.
Continue reading DuckTales Remastered review: Solving mysteries, rewriting history
DuckTales Remastered review: Solving mysteries, rewriting history originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 12 Aug 2013 03:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.


















