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21 Jul 20:41

If The Rumors Are True, Star Wars: Episode VII Is Weirder Than Expected

by Katharine Trendacosta
Dance Magers

Hmm...pretty far fetched if true and definitely have to have a suspension of disbelief.

But I've gotta say I probably don't care and will still enjoy the storytelling and times with my friends which is the whole point for me.

If The Rumors Are True, Star Wars: Episode VII Is Weirder Than Expected

Badass Digest claims to have details about the plot of Episode VII, and, if true, it's going to have a ridiculous MacGuffin. So, spoilers if you chose to read on.

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21 Jul 20:05

Custom Han Solo In Carbonite Toilet Seat

han-solo-toilet-seat.jpg This is the $60 custom painted Han Solo in carbonite toilet seat available from eBay seller derbycovers. It's only printed and painted though, it's not actually 3-D, so if you thought this was going to be a cheap way to experience sitting on Han Solo's face, think again. I know, I was *this close* to clicking the 'Buy It Now' button too. Oh well, looks like it's time for plan B. "Which is?" 1. Buy a Han Solo Halloween mask 2. Fill it with silicone rubber 3. ???? 4. Masturbate Thanks to LL, who all the ladies love. Me? I am more like LH.
21 Jul 05:40

Help Make The LEGO Hubble Space Telescope A Reality

by Robert T. Gonzalez

Help Make The LEGO Hubble Space Telescope A Reality

Next year, the Hubble Space Telescope, one of the most important scientific instruments in the history of space exploration, will celebrate its 25th year in space. We think a LEGO play set would make a lovely 25th anniversary homage, don't you?

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21 Jul 05:29

Reviews For This "Tengwar Script Men's Lord Prayer Ring" Are Excellent

by Robert T. Gonzalez
Dance Magers

Awesome reviews. Love it when people do things like this.

Reviews For This "Tengwar Script Men's Lord Prayer Ring" Are Excellent

Mercurivs turned us onto the reviews for this precious little number, currently available on Amazon for a cool $19.95.

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21 Jul 05:27

The Oh-So-Human Stories of This Moment in History

by Mika McKinnon on Space, shared by Robert T. Gonzalez to io9
Dance Magers

Some cool stories in here. I look forward to watching a human land on Mars.

The Oh-So-Human Stories of This Moment in History

Forty-five years ago today, humans first stepped foot on the moon. You've been entrusting me with your memories all week, reliving the excitement or laughing at your childhood indifference. Read what we've collected, and share your story of the Apollo 11 lunar landing.

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20 Jul 20:17

The Mathematician Who Showed How the US Could Be Made A Dictatorship

by Esther Inglis-Arkell
Dance Magers

You ever read this Kluck? Any ideas?

The Mathematician Who Showed How the US Could Be Made A Dictatorship

You might remember Kurt Gödel. He was last seen on io9 proving the existence of God , at least in theory. Legend has it he also found an odd clause in the Constitution which proves that the United States could be legally made a dictatorship. And he told it to immigration officers.

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20 Jul 03:41

20 Minutes Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Footage Is Kind Of Adorable

by Meredith Woerner
Dance Magers

Not watching, but I do like what they're sayibg

The more we're seeing of the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, the more we're realizing that this is truly for kids. At first we were worried about a terrible, gritty remake. But now we're seeing the charm in these horrifying mutant monsters: the quips.

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20 Jul 03:40

How To: Make Your Own Sad, Homemade Fleshlight

homemade-fleshlight.jpg This is a picture tutorial of how to make your own homemade Fleshlight male sex toy. All it requires is some starch, a cup, a stick, a microwave, and a refrigerator. But, PROTIP: don't get hasty and try using the thing immediately following the microwave step. That's how embarrassing ER visits happen. Also, when the person in the article states, "I think I'll just stick to the real deal," are they referring to a name-brand Fleshlight or an actual vagina? Because I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, for a person who's really considering making their own homemade Fleshlight, an actual vagina might not be a readily available option. Thanks to [no name], who was clearly too embarrassed to leave a name for a tip about a homemade Fleshlight. Come on, there's no shame in pleasuring yourself (just as long as you're not in public).
18 Jul 14:17

Some Genius Is Kickstarting a 'Breaking Bad' Sequel Starring Val Kilmer and Slash

by Rick Paulas

Kickstarter genius Lawrence Shepherd and an unnamed woman. Photo courtesy of Lawrence Shepherd

Did you recently waste money on an ironic Kickstarter campaign to make potato salad? Well, first, Paypal used the money you apparently can't wait to get rid of. Secondly, fuck irony. There are people out there with actual, worthwhile goals that need help funding. 

For instance, a Van Nuys–based producer's bold project to make a Breaking Bad sequel series starring Val Kilmer and Slash as the cops who recovered Walter White's body. No, he doesn't have the rights to Breaking Bad, nor has he received a commitment from Kilmer or Slash. But when Lawrence Shepherd saw the series finale, in which two cops drag Walter White's body away, he knew that he was the guy to tell those cops' story. All the other pieces will fall into place.

It's a pipe dream, sure. (Not least because only $143 of the $500,000 goal has been raised.) But, still! What's the value of life without dreams? Who gives a shit about the second season of True Detective when there's the (remote) possibility of Val Kilmer and Slash tracking down a not-dead Walter White?

We called up first-time producer Lawrence Shepherd to learn more about his Breaking Bad spinoff, which he's calling Anastasia. 

VICE: The show has an intriguing premise, to say the least. Where'd the idea come from?
Lawrence Shepherd: For the last six years or so, I was getting very critical of the writing on shows. Then I saw one of the last episodes of Breaking Bad—remember when Jesse came into Walter White's house with the gasoline can and he was going to burn it down?

Yeah.
There was a sequence when Jesse looks down the hallway, and the two doors were closed. I thought, Junior's in there. Junior's in there with the baby, he's going to come out, wrestle with Jesse, and something's going to happen. Junior's the only one who hasn't broke bad in the whole show. It didn't happen, and I was a little disappointed.

I like the way Breaking Bad ended, but I think they could have done better. That's when I just started writing.

Seems like you'd have to worry about copyright issues...
Of course. You have to watch the uniqueness. Remember the last episode, the machine gun rotating back and forth in the Cadillac? Very unique. I can't use it. The dead guy in the recliner chair going up and down? Very unique, couldn't use it.

But other than that, nothing there is copyright or trademark available. A guy dead on the floor? My God, that's been done a bazillion times. Police responding to an issue? It's been done a bazillion times.

We're not going to be confrontative with Sony and Vince Gilligan if they say no. We are filming the pilot independent of Breaking Bad, so if they do say no, we're ready to go with our own show.

It would be the same show? Or different?
Anastasia's gonna be stand-alone. If they say yes, the first season is going to be very Breaking Bad–dependent. But the second season and forward—I'm trying to go 12 seasons and break Frasier's record—we may only have a two-and-a-half minute teaser that will go along with the Walter White thread. 

If we have to do it independent from Breaking Bad, then instead of dragging out their Walter White, we'll drag out our Walter White.

How realistic is it that you're going to get Val Kilmer?
From what people tell me about Val Kilmer, you don't have to pay him a million dollars. If there's some money there, he'll typically do it. Slash is who I'm more worried about. He plays guitar—that's his love, and he makes a good living off of it. And I've heard from a few people he's busy with his new album release, so Slash probably won't be in every episode, but we could do it either way.

Slash is going to be undercover—that's why he dresses the way he does and his hair is the way it is, right? He's the undercover part of the cop partnership.

I asked Laura San Giacomo to star, but I just got a very nice letter back from her manager that she's already doing a pilot. We have to look for somebody else.

Photo courtesy of Lawrence Shepherd

Do you have backups for Val Kilmer and Slash, then?
Nathan Lane was my first choice. I thought he'd be perfect in Kilmer's role. But because we're going to be so tight on money—I'd have to pay for transportation and lodging for Lane, because he lives in New York City—we did the flip to Val Kilmer. I think Kilmer and Lane have equal acting ability. 

As far as Slash, I'm hearing that he will definitely be in the pilot. That's what I'm hearing. I don't have a letter of intent yet, and we have to work around his tour. He tours a lot.

When you say you hear from Slash, does that mean you've talked to Slash?
Not hearing from Slash, no. Him and Myles Kennedy just put out a new album, and he didn't have time for anything. So I'm hearing from people that know Slash.

So you have contacted them or sent letters to their management?
Oh, absolutely. Nobody's come back and said no, except for Laura San Giacomo, and only because she was too busy. Steven Tyler's already been sent the video and everything—he'd be in the second episode.

I also talked to John Westphal; he's the main head guy at Sony. He said they'd have to be involved with it if they went forward, and we said of course. That's where we left it.

Can you go through the side plot with the 12-step program?
Val Kilmer's role will be a recovering alcoholic. He will go to 12-step meetings throughout the season. He does the on-scene sharing, if you want to call it that, in the first episode. Steven Tyler, if he signs on, will be sharing in the second episode's meeting.

We're going to invite anybody in the entertainment industry that's been through substance abuse or addiction to do that. And it won't be scripted. It will be whatever they want. If they want to do it funny, if they want to do it real, if they want to do it sad, that's fine. We're only going to do it two or three times per season, because it might get old and not be as magical.

I went down to Big Lots and bought about 20 red-and-white checkered tablecloths that we're going to use for the meetings. Therefore, let's say it's Robert Downey Jr.'s turn for a 12-step meeting scene, but he's in Brazil filming some Iron Man thing—no problem. I can put the tablecloth in an envelope, mail it down to him, and he can film it right there. I think that's going got work real well.

You're nearly half-a-million dollars away from reaching your Kickstarter goal. What's the plan if you don't get?
My timeline got blown with finding a director for the Kickstarter video. My initial plan was to find the director before the Kickstarter went off. I find one didn't until two weeks after the Kickstarter started, so we didn't get the video done until three days ago. That timeline got completely blown.

We're going to restart on Kickstarter on the first of the month if we don't get funded. By then we'll already have the director and video, so we should do much, much better.

Good luck.

17 Jul 04:09

Almost 90 Percent of All US Wiretaps Listen for Suspected Drug Deals

by Brian Anderson
Dance Magers

This doesn't surprise me

Almost 90 Percent of All US Wiretaps Listen for Suspected Drug Deals
16 Jul 03:41

This Girl Is A Total Pro At Facebook Profile/Cover Photos

pro-facebook-profile-pics-7.jpg This is the series of Facebook profile/cover photo combinations that Redditor RubberDogTurds (classic!) created for herself. She did a great job. So good I'm tempted to commission her to make one for me. What will it be?! Me battling Darth Vader in Star Wars? Running from a giant boulder like Indiana Jones? Maybe talking to Doc from Back to the Future?! I can't wait to see it! "Well -- what is it?" It's me...with a giant penis flying at my face. "AHAHAHHAHA, did you write her back?!" Only to tell her it's more perfect than I ever could have imagined. Keep going for eleven more including Altered Beast, Breaking Bad, Adventure Time and more. pro-facebook-profile-pics-1.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-2.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-3.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-4.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-5.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-6.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-8.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-9.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-10.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-11.jpg pro-facebook-profile-pics-12.jpg Thanks to PYY, who agrees the best Facebook profile/cover photo combination is your old Myspace layout.
16 Jul 03:34

A Great Way to Listen to Those Mysterious "Number Stations"

by Mark Strauss
Dance Magers

Cool that these are still happening

A Great Way to Listen to Those Mysterious "Number Stations"

For decades, shortwave radio enthusiasts have been stumbling upon mysterious stations that broadcast a looping noise, such as a nursery rhyme, occasionally punctuated by someone reading a string of numbers. The most popular theory is that these are coded messages—and now, an online shortwave radio lets you listen in.

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15 Jul 14:19

We Caught Up with the Guy Who Has Survived on Pizza Alone for the Last 25 Years

by Helen Hollyman
Dance Magers

This guy is on to something:

"I’m not totally opposed to vegetables; I’ll eat them here and there. But why would I eat a carrot when I could eat a pizza? A carrot’s just crunchy orange water and there’s really nothing to it."

We Caught Up with the Guy Who Has Survived on Pizza Alone for the Last 25 Years
15 Jul 14:16

The Most Popular Sport in North America 900 Years Ago

by Annalee Newitz
Dance Magers

Interesting read

The Most Popular Sport in North America 900 Years Ago

Beneath the freeways of East St. Louis in Illinois there lie the ruins of a city built nearly a millennium ago, around towering earthen pyramids. Today called Cahokia, it held as many as 40 thousand people, and their influence spread throughout the southeast U.S. — mostly due the popularity of a game called chunkey.

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14 Jul 21:38

How the Pharmacutical Industry Is Making Money on Your Overdose

by Arielle Pardes
Dance Magers

Fantastic

Photo via Flickr user The Javorac

America has a prescription pill problem. According to a CDC report released this month, doctors wrote 259 million opioid prescriptions in 2012—which means that in some states, there are more painkiller prescriptions than people. Both doctors and pharmaceutical companies profit from overprescribing the pills that have led to the rise in America’s harrowing narcotic addiction, and now that opioid overdose is among the leading causes of death, they’ve also found a way to profit from the antidote, naloxone.

A new naloxone-injection device called Evzio was released on the market just this week, after receiving fast-tracked approved by the FDA in April. But it’s doubtful that Evzio will actually improve access to naloxone, and more likely that it will become a golden goose for Kaléo, the pharma company that created it.

Evzio is a new naloxone auto-injector, about the length of a credit card and the thickness of a small cell phone.

Naloxone is basically like a magic cure for opioid overdoses: inject a dose of it into someone who has just ODed, and it can literally wake them up. The drug blocks the body’s opiate receptors, reversing the effects of whatever you overdosed on, whether it’s heroin or Vicodin or OxyContin. Naloxone works extremely well, but only if it’s administered within a certain time frame. To make this easier, Evzio claims to be the first user-friendly at-home naloxone injector, which doctors can prescribe at the same time that they prescribe opioids.

This isn’t the first time that the pharmaceutical industry has made money from opioid overdoses. Naloxone, which is an off-patent drug, has been available since 1971 and costs about $3 per dose. But a pharma company called Hospira, which was the sole manufacturer of naloxone in the US until this year, increased the price of the drug tenfold in 2008—the same year that opioid overdose was declared an “epidemic” by the CDC. Prescription doses of naloxone now costs a little more than $30.

Evzio, by comparison, is estimated to cost is between $400 and $600.

Video via NBC News

Evzio’s representatives dodged my questions about exact pricing, but they made sure to emphasize that it’s different from the status quo because of its user-friendly design: Similar to an EpiPen, all you have to do is stab the device into the ODing person. In April, when the FDA approved the device, FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg told reporters that the “lack of a lay-friendly delivery system has made it difficult to make naloxone broadly available to the public and to foster its use in non-medical settings, where it is often most urgently needed.”

The thing is, that’s only half true. Naloxone is most essential in the non-medical setting, but administering naloxone isn’t nearly as difficult as she—or the makers of Evzio—suggest. A recent study found that people without training were able to use the syringes in a naloxone rescue kit just as easily as people who had been trained. Tessie Castillo, who works for the North Carolina Harm Reduction Coalition, told me that at-home naloxone kits are so easy to use that “anyone with common sense could figure it out, even without training.” The New York Times once compared the ease of the process to “basting a turkey.”

Photo via Flickr user intropin

The point here is that barriers to naloxone use aren't related to administration, but access. Naloxone is available via prescription in all states, but Castillo told me that “many people are afraid to ask their doctor for a prescription because it could potentially mean admitting to using illicit drugs or taking medications not as prescribed.” Combine this with confusing naloxone laws and some doctors’ reluctance to prescribe it, and you can understand why many users don’t have it. And although naloxone can save your life from an overdose, it only works if you have it with you.

Castillo told me that her organization has distributed more than 2,600 naloxone kits throughout North Carolina in the past year, which are free of cost and do not require a prescription. There are around 200 other organizations like hers that distribute naloxone at a subsidized cost or for free—but many of these organizations are grossly underfunded, and they can’t distribute enough naloxone kits to match the demand.

Evzio, which is both pricey and prescription-based, does nothing to improve these access barriers. In fact, it’s literally the opposite of what naloxone advocates say they need.

Photo via Flickr user Dylan Hartmann

When I asked her about Evzio, Castillo was unenthusiastic. “I wish that the FDA would have fast tracked over-the-counter naloxone instead of an expensive product for a private company,” she said. “Intramuscular and intranasal naloxone are already available, easy to use, and much less expensive than Ezvio, so I don’t see how the addition of a machine that talks will improve access for anyone.”

At worst, Evzio’s high out-of-pocket price could be a major access deterrent for the device; at best, it could create a two-tiered system of access, giving access to those who have good quality insurance and are legitimately prescribed opioids, while leaving out users who are uninsured, who get pills by illicit means, or who use heroin instead.

Video via naloxone.org.uk

Tracey Helton, an outspoken naloxone advocate, told me she’s optimistic that “there may come a day when [Evzio] is required to go in compliment with opiate based medication,” meaning your doctor would write a prescription for Evzio alongside any opioid prescription, thereby mandating greater access to the antidote.

This is certainly what Evzio’s makers, Kaléo pharmaceutical, have in mind. The company’s Chief Medical Officer, Eric Edwards, stated that the company wants Evzio “in every medicine cabinet of every person who might be at risk.” Most naloxone proponents would agree that this is admirable in terms of broadening access. But as Helton points out, while increasing access is the goal, this strategy also provides a lucrative opportunity for the pharmaceutical industry: If Kaléo convinces doctors to write a prescription for Evzio alongside every opioid prescription, the device “could become a cash cow.”

Put plainly: pharmaceutical companies can now sell you the poison and sell you the antidote.

Photo via Flickr user David K

The problem is that this makes naloxone a part of the opioid economy—and that economy is booming. A study from last year confirmed that painkiller prescriptions doubled between 2000 and 2010—without any evidence of improved pain management or increased incidents of pain. In California, a lawsuit is underway alleging that pharmaceutical companies profit from doctors overprescribing opioids. Specifically, the suit alleges that in 2010, the sale of prescription opioids generated $8 billion in revenues for pharmaceutical companies. If Evzio (rather than generic naloxone) is sold in tangent with every opioid prescription, Kaléo’s profits could well surpass that. 

To be fair, Kaléo is in the process of developing a “patient assistance program” to subsidize the cost for eligible patients, and has agreed to donate devices to some harm reduction centers. But by so closely linking their product to prescribed pills, they have a stake in maintaining the gross over-prescription problem—arguably, the source of opioid addiction. In other words, Kaléo needs you to stay addicted to opioids so that they can turn a profit on your potential overdose.

Access to naloxone is invaluable, but it isn’t priceless. If we want to prevent overdose related deaths, we need to provide low-cost, easy-access versions of naloxone rather than allowing pharmaceutical companies to cash in on opioid overdoses.

Follow Arielle Pardes on Twitter.

14 Jul 17:53

Flashback Friday: Spoiler alert! Spoilers actually increase enjoyment of stories.

Dance Magers

I get this. Spoilers rarely bother me.

Are you one of those people who avoids spoilers at all costs, even going so far as to block people from your Facebook and Twitter feeds who give away the plot of Game of Thrones? If so, listen up -- contrary to what you might think, it turns out that avoiding spoilers might not be worth the trouble. According to this study, "spoilers may allow readers to organize developments, anticipate the implications of events, and resolve ambiguities that occur in the course of reading." In other words,
14 Jul 04:20

These Stupid Internet Beauty Products Might Help You Get Laid

by Rosy Cherrington

I'm not sure about you, but I’m the kind of woman who has been socially conditioned to need all men to find me attractive, all of the time, as though without their lust I'd dwindle away to nothing but a pube with tiny, unloved breasts. But this dating game is tough. You’d think a slutty backless dress and a nose full of Dutch courage would be enough to get me laid, but in the age of porn and Tinder, sometimes it feels like I’m just not sexy or easy enough :(

Thankfully, there are some hard-working people out there who’ve designed a bunch of products to make women irresistible to men. Things like labia dye, stupid disappearing plastic bras, and—wait for it—mouth-stretching devices are all a part of our world now, and even better, they're all available at the click of a mouse.

Here are some of the dumbest beauty products, and things in general, that I've been able to find on the internet. At the end there is a poll, which you can use to destroy my life by forcing me to trial one of these products myself for a whole week.

ESSENCE OF A WOMAN PHEROMONE PERFUME

Photo by the author

Chances are you've read all about pheromones: odorless chemicals that supposedly do wonders for your pulling potential. BUT did you know that you can also buy them? For real? On the internet? THANKS, TECHNOLOGY!

I went for the sensually titled Essence of a Woman. Aside from kind of sounding like that movie, Scent of a Woman, in which Al Pacino is blind and goes around nose-fucking chicks, Essence of a Woman is a copulin (sex pheromone) fragrance designed to make you smell like an ovulating vagina. 

By some cruel twist of irony, the only downside to the pheromones was their actual scent. They smelt disgusting and kind of like baby puke. They smelt so bad that one of my friends had to leave the room, retching. I shit you not—they were so horrendously awful that they immediately began to repel people rather than attract them. Finally, after about ten minutes, the piss and the puke and the ovulating vagina and the broken dreams dried down to a mild parmesan musk.

So if "mild parmesan musk" is something that you wanna smell like, and if you're willing to pay $100 to smell like it, I guess this is the fragrance of your dreams.

 

THE BYE BRA

Photo by the author

I’m all for sticking things onto myself in the name of unrealistic beauty standards but I didn’t have high hopes for what was essentially double-sided sticky tape attempting to hold my boobs up. Also, nipple covers? I’ve been known to accessorize with a nipple. Sometimes you just can’t beat a couple of cold ones when it comes to screaming “I might have sex with you in a cupboard!” or, “I’m probably French!"

The deceptive photoshopped images of the before and after photos on the box didn’t get Bye Bra off to a great start, and by the time I’d awkwardly stuck it on, it definitely wasn’t on my good side. To hand it to the inventors, the adhesive tape did instantly give me a boob lift and it did stay on for a good while, but what Bye Bra giveth in zer -gravity, it taketh away in the aesthetic stakes. Simply put: It didn't really disappear. I don’t actually think I’ve seen a pair of boobs look so much like two pieces of miscellaneous meat in plastic wrap before.

I guess the whole point is to wear the Bye Bra with higher-necked, backless styles, but I feel like we all threw our body suits out three years ago, right? I mean... maybe someone, somewhere would be totally excited to move their nipples a few centimeters higher, but getting women to stick their skin together in the name of "self-esteem" is just all parts shady and wrong. I don't want to sound overly critical, but I’m pretty sure these would have got burnt alongside all the other bras back in 1968 and everyone would have choked on the fumes and died.


VAGINA-COLORED LIPSTICK

Photo by the author

According to evolutionary theorists, and women's magazine urban legends, the most flattering lip color for a lady is one that matches her, uh, other set of lips.

Going commando and straddling the stands at MAC didn’t quite seem like a viable option, so instead I pioneered a totally legit Dulux-style color-matching technique that involves computers and doesn’t involve complete public humiliation. I simply compared my vagina color with a paint chart I picked up at Wickes, then held up my paint chart to an internet inventory of lipsticks, before deciding on MAC’s aptly named Modesty—a "muted, neutral pink." It didn’t exactly sound inspirational: the boring Switzerland of vaginas. But to give those vagina-lipstick theorists some credit, the color turned out to be incredibly flattering, and I smeared my Modesty all over my face. I was a vagina siren blazing into the night.

P.S. I’m super sorry if you thought there was going to be a picture of my vagina, but you get to see the exact shade, and isn't that more exciting, somehow? 


MY NEW PINK BUTTON LABIA DYE

Photo via My New Pink Button

How many times has someone been about to go down on you and then exclaimed, suddenly, "Uggh, this vagina is way too pale! I've changed my mind"? Probably about as many times as you've thought, I know—I'm going to change the hue of my vagina with some labia dye before it turns the color of a four-week-old corpse. Do vaginas really lose their youthful glow? How? Do they fade in the sun? If so, maybe stop getting your vagina out in the sun.

Thankfully, there is some sanity in the world, and a lot of the people that took time out of their busy lives to review the product have sarcastically ripped it apart. "Ideal Mother's Day gift" and "Doesn't your man deserve perfection?" are personal favorites. Oh, and then there's the guy who claims to have enthusiastically tested it out on his dick, which he refers to as his "potato." Sure.


F-CUP COOKIES

Photo via the Daily Mail

I already know a cookie that makes your boobs bigger... it’s called a regular cookie. Seriously, Japan? Sixteen science Nobel Prizes and this is the best you can come up with? Get your shit together.

The cookies claim to boost your cup size by acting as an herbal estrogen supplement, but honestly, what part of this sounds good: syncing up a dessert with your menstrual cycle? No. Increased vaginal secretions? No. Feeling less stressed? Maybe. A soy milk flavored snack? Gag.
 

BETTY FUN PUBIC-HAIR DYE IN HOT PINK

Photo via Betty Beauty

Is your vagina fun? OK, maybe I worded that wrong. YOUR VAGINA ISN’T FUN ENOUGH. That’s what Betty thinks, anyway, or why would they invent this? Maybe they thought it would be cute, like having a tiny Nikki Minaj asleep betwixt your thighs. Maybe they hate you. All I'm saying is, if sea punk was a bad look on your head, it's an even worse look in your panties. 


FACE-SLIMMING MOUTH-STRETCHER
 

Photo via Amazon

If pink pubes weren't enough to make you look completely insane, then this thing exists: a device that trains your muscles to make you look wider in the mouth and slimmer in the face. Although, if the Amazon comments are anything to go by, it's actually a subterfuge sex toy: less about slimming your face and more about teaching you the "no teeth" rule the hard way. Or just making you look like a human blow-up doll. 

I can’t help feeling that this is one smug man’s backhanded revenge on women for all those pro-teeth sex tips in women's mags. We softly nibble your penis, and you make us look like idiots. Touché, douchebag.

Time to vote:

Which one of these moronic products shall I use for an entire week?

Follow Rosy Cherrington on Twitter.

11 Jul 14:15

More Photos of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch

by Jules Suzdaltsev

Although Michael Jackson’s body shut down from a suspicious drug overdose five years and a week ago, worldwide interest in the misunderstood—and, by all accounts, creepy—pop superstar’s legacy is still alive and thriving, as exemplified by the interest in last week’s interview about urban-exploring Neverland Ranch. We got a number of requests to release the rest of the photos taken by our crack team of photographers, and we were like Sure, why not? So here they are. Keep a look out for the blue robot. You can't make it out, but the inscription on the robot reads, "HI KIDS! MY NAME IS ZORD. I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE PICKED JUST FOR YOU. THANK YOU AND BE GOOD!"

I guess we'll never know what Zord's "special surprise" was.

Follow Jules Suzdaltsev on Twitter.

11 Jul 13:57

Homestar Runner Is Coming Back To Life!

by Meredith Woerner

Homestar Runner Is Coming Back To Life!

This April, for the first time in many years, Michael and Matthew Chapman, released a brand new Homestar Runner cartoon. It was wonderful. And now, here's even better news: the flash cartoon website will be churning back to life full time. Eeeeeemail!

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11 Jul 04:39

Strip Club Cash Shooting Hand Cannon Makes It Rain Easy

cash-shooting-gun.jpg You ever made it rain before? I did once. I had to sacrifice two goats and perform a sacred ritual under the full moon. It was all very messy and I regret not just trying to bribe Storm. You ever made it rain IN A STRIP CLUB? I have not. Although it would be funny to see the strippers slippy-sliding around in their super high-heels, I can't imagine all that water would be good for the light and sound systems. Nobody wants to get electrocuted just trying to see some titties. This is the $60 Cash Cannon, a gun that shoots paper money with a squeeze of the trigger. Don't have any paper money? Shoot playing cards or Burger King coupons! I'm sure the strippers will love that. Who in their right mind is gonna turn down a discounted Whopper? Have I ever told you I went to a strip club in West Virginia where throwing change was acceptable? Just let that sink in. The strip club was also a double-wide trailer. Let that sink in too. I was born in West Virginia, those are my people. Though my path may wander up and down, my heart will stay in my hometown. Hit it, John Denver.
♫ I hear her voice in the mornin' hour she calls me The radio reminds me of my home far away And drivin' down the road I get a feeling That I should have been home yesterday yesterday Country roads, take me home to the place I belong West Virginia, Mountain Momma Take me home, country roads ♫
I really do get choked up and shed a tear every time I hear that. Keep going for a video of the cannon in action, plus 'Take Me Home, Country Roads' because I can't think about it and not listen to it. Thanks to lilco, who agrees making it rain is cool, but making lightning strike is really where it's at. Plus if you could summon tornadoes, that would be awesome too.
10 Jul 12:12

About Those Fluoridated Water Skeptics

Dance Magers

Nice quite from Colin meloy

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) has vibrated the internet with a whacky speech he recently gave to an audience of climate skeptics. Here's the bit that many are picking up on: "I don't know whether or not fluoridating the water helps people's teeth become better or not," said Rohrabacher, invoking his childhood memories. "I don't know that," he continued, "But I do know that in this country, we should be the ones who should be deciding what we put into our bodies one way or the other, not t
10 Jul 04:00

Concept Art for the Forbidden Planet Remake That Never Was

by Katharine Trendacosta
Dance Magers

Love McQuarrie

Concept Art for the Forbidden Planet Remake That Never Was

In 1995, Irvin Kershner tried to make a remake of the classic Forbidden Planet. The project never materialized, but Kershner had already marshaled the artistic talent of Ralph McQuarrie, John Eaves, Mark McCreery, Syd Mead, and Stan Winson. And the early concept work of McQuarrie and Mead is readily accessible today.

Read more...








10 Jul 02:58

The Ballad of Bubba Sparxxx

by Drew Millard
The Ballad of Bubba Sparxxx
08 Jul 13:31

This Kid Made an App That Exposes Sellout Politicians

by Hannah Ewens
Dance Magers

Pretty awesome

The Greenhouse app highlighting how much money each industry gave Republican Congressman Mike Simpson before the last election

With US politics swimming in so much corporate money that it's pretty much an oligarchy, it can be hard to keep track of which particular set of lobbyists is trying to milk more cash out of health care, fossil fuels, and other very important issues from one week to the next.

But thanks to 16-year-old Nick Rubin, keeping track of just how much politicians have sold out has become a lot easier. He created Greenhouse, a new browser plug-in that operates under the motto "Some are red. Some are blue. All are green." The plugin aims "to shine light on a social and industrial disease of today: the undue influence of money in our Congress." It sounds like a bit of a lofty aim for an app, but it's actually pretty simple and effective—it provides a breakdown of a politician’s campaign contributions when that politician's name comes up in an article. It is currently available for Chrome, Firefox, and Safari and is completely free. As you can imagine, reading about how your member of Congress voted in a recent health bill becomes all the more enlightening if you know how much money the health industry showered him in at the last election.

I spoke to Nick Rubin about the plugin, politics, and what he calls the "money stories" behind what you read in the news.

VICE: Hi, Nick. So how did you come up with the idea for Greenhouse?
Nick Rubin: Back in seventh grade, I gave a presentation on corporate personhood, and ever since then I’ve been really interested in that issue. I think the one problem is that the sources of income for members of congress haven’t been simple and easily accessible when people have needed it. More recently, I’ve been teaching myself how to code, and I thought that something like Greenhouse that puts the data at people’s fingertips would be a perfect solution. It really is the intersection of these two passions of mine—coding and politics. I made it after school and on weekends on my computer.

Why the name?
Well, green is the color of money in the US, and house refers to the two houses of Congress [the Senate and House of Representatives]. The name also implies transparency; greenhouses are see through and they are built to help things thrive.

Where did you get the information on the politician’s donations?
It uses the data from the last full election cycle which was 2012. This is simply because it’s just the most complete set of data that we have. But the browser does provide access to the most up to date 2014 information by just clicking the name of the politician on the top of the window or the OpenSecrets.org link in the popup. So the 2014 data is just one click away.

I’m intending to update the data as a whole later in the election cycle as the 2014 contributions are more complete—these are updates I’m currently working on—as well as thinking of other ways I can expand the tool.

Nick Rubin

What are your political views, and how are they relevant to the tool?
I want a system that works, and so do other kids my age. I want Greenhouse to be a nonpartisan tool. What concerns me is the sheer amount of money being pumped into the system because there really is a lot. During the development of Greenhouse and looking over these numbers and seeing how much is being donated—it’s really scary.

How does Greenhouse work?
It works by highlighting the name of any member of Congress on any website, and when you hover over these names a little box appears that shows detailed contribution information with amounts and where those amounts have come from. It’s basically a list of the top-ten industries from which they receive their money. My goal was to create something that promotes transparency. It would be great if people used it on sites where they’re reading about politics every day. For example, if you’re reading a piece on Congress votes for energy policy, you might see that a sponsor has received hundreds of thousands of dollars from the oil and gas industry. I like to say that Greenhouse allows people to see the money story behind the news story.

What money stories have you personally uncovered?
I’ve noticed a lot of trends. I’ve been working on something called the “Story of the Day,” which is me tweeting every day a story where if people used Greenhouse on the story they’d learn something very interesting and see the money story for themselves. These stories are all over. People who use it will be able to form their own opinions about the possible influences of money in politics. 

What do you hope from Greenhouse?
I just want it to educate people because that’s really the first step toward a solution. That’s exactly why I designed Greenhouse with simplicity in mind, so that everyone—even kids—are able to understand it. In terms of whether Greenhouse will solve this issue—well, education is the first step. I really do believe that increased transparency will help fix the problem. Easy access to data empowers voters to make better decisions. Once people are informed, they will reject elected officials who are motived by money instead of principles. But for now, I’ll leave the solution to others.

What are you going to do next?
At the moment, Greenhouse is my focus and I want to keep it fully updated and keep improving. One aim of mine has come out of the phenomenal response I’ve had from people that have downloaded the browser. People have got in contact asking to work with me to make versions of the tool for them. This is absolutely something I want to do.

So could you make a Greenhouse app for other parts of the world?
The first thing would be finding a reliable data source. But sure, why not?

Cool. Thanks, Nick.

Follow Hannah Ewens on Twitter

08 Jul 13:30

Lion Cub Gets Head Stuck Up Dead Buffalo's Ass

lion-cub-in-buffalo-keister.jpg A lion cub feasting on the carcass of a dead buffalo at the Kruger National Park in South Africa managed to get his head trapped in the animal's butthole, presumably while going after the really good meat. He tries to free himself for almost five minutes before growing too weak and just laying there, possibly unconscious. Apparently there was enough oxygen in the animal's keister for the cub to survive though, because the cameraman said they returned the next day and the rest of the lion pride had eaten around the buffalo's butthole and freed the cub. Hopefully, Simba learned his lesson. "Which is?" Always save the anus for dessert. Keep going for the video. Thanks to Andreas, who prefers to start feasting at the head of the buffalo and work back.
08 Jul 03:52

I Ate Out of Dumpsters in Denmark for Two Weeks

by Jackie Hong



All photos via the author and Tatyana Kondratenko.

My introduction to dumpster diving came shortly after I moved to Denmark from Toronto. I'd always been intrigued by the idea but had never gotten around to trying it out, so when my thoroughly Danish pals—Anders and Rasmus—asked me if I'd like to dig through the local grocery store's trash with them late one night, I figured, why the hell not?

The amount of stuff we found blew me away: fresh vegetables, pastries, whole loaves of bread, cookies... These weren’t festering, larvae-encrusted, rotting piles of half-composted food, either. For the most part, the produce was totally fine. The stuff looked like it was tossed because it had a few bruises, or, if it was a bunch of food packaged together, because one grape in the whole box had some mold on it. All freshly baked goods are required to be thrown out every night, regardless of the state they're in, so the bread was especially fresh. (I probably shouldn't have been so surprised; according to the United Nations Environment Program, about 1.3 billion tons of food—or about a third of the world's production—is wasted every year.)

As the months went by, a few classmates and I began to develop a system for efficient dumpster dining while slowly growing immune to the sickly-sweet stench that seems to settle over all garbage. If you’d like to try it yourself, here’s the ethos we developed:

1. Wait about 20 to 30 minutes after the last grocery store in the mall by our dorm closed.
2. Put on clothes we don't mind getting putrid, strange liquids on (for me, old black jeans and a sweater).
3. Grab a couple of bags (at least one just for bread and pastries) and flashlights.
4. Get free food.

Our only rule was "throw everything we didn't want back in." If we left it out like a bunch of raccoons, whoever had to clean up the mess in the morning would get pissed and lock the dumpsters for a week or two. For me, a poor student in a notoriously expensive country, discovering dumpster diving was like hitting a treasure trove, and over the semester I gradually began including more and more dumpster-rescued food into my diet.

Although I ate my fair share of "trash" during that year, it was always treated as supplemental nutrition, never my primary diet. Since then, I've always wondered if I could have lived off of only found foods, and so last May I decided to give it a shot. 

For two weeks I held myself to three rules:

1. I could only eat food I picked out of the dumpster.
2. Spices/condiments/oil do not count as food.
3. Alcohol does not count as food.

I also decided to document everything I found and to tally up the total value of my foraged delicacies.

Here's what I was able to salvage:

May 4

-2 cauliflowers
-2 bouquets of flowers
-3 boxes of strawberries
-2 boxes of green grapes
-box of mushrooms
-1 live rosemary plant
-3 bananas
-8 oranges
-8 red peppers
-4 yellow peppers
-7 chocolate muffins
-7 croissants
-2 pop tarts
-5 lemon rolls
-2 pain au chocolat

Total: 355.50DKK ($65)

May 6

-3 leeks
-1 broccoli
-1 box of mushrooms
-3 red peppers
-18 buns
-1 chocolate muffin
-2 loaves of bread

Total: 179.50DKK ($32)

May 8

-1 box of salad
-2 eggplants
-2 zucchinis
-5kg bag of potatoes
-2 heads of lettuce
-9 oranges
-1 grapefruit
-5 and a half loaves of bread
-3 buns

Total: 298.50 DKK ($54)

May 11

-4 boxes of grapes
-half a box of strawberries (found a whole box, but half were mush)
-3 small bags of mini carrots
-1 box of cherry tomatoes
-1 pack of vine tomatoes
-1 broccoli
-1 celery
-1 lemon

Total: 175DKK ($32)



May 14

-5 platters of assorted cheese (goat, brie, Emmental, blue, and cheddar)
-1 tub of “salat” cheese (think shitty feta)
-6 limes
-1 cucumber
-1 avocado
-2 eggplants
-3 loaves of bread
-15 buns
-2 cinnamon rolls
-3 poptarts
-4 lemon rolls
-10 croissants
-9 muffins

Total: 573.50DKK ($105)

May 17

-3 1kg bags of potatoes
-7 vine tomatoes
-2 1kg bags of carrots
-2 ears of corn
-27 buns
-9 muffins
-3 pain au chocolat
-5 croissants
-2 loaves of bread
-3 honeydew melons
-6 peppers
-1 mango
-2 mini heads of lettuce
-1 rake
-1 plant (Princess Ariane Red)

Total: 504DKK ($92)

GRAND TOTAL: 2086 DKK ($380)

That comes out to just over a month's worth of rent at my dorm.

To be honest, though, I did slip up. Over the two weeks of a supposedly dumpster-devoted diet, I ate two pieces of a chocolate bar, then I scarfed down a chocolate ball, and I went to town on a falafel ball (all given to me by friends). I also found myself getting cravings for rice and eggs about five days in, but I quenched the former by making cauliflower “rice” and the latter went away after I ate eggplant, which tastes and feels oddly protein-y if you cook it right.

But by the end of the experiment, I think I was actually healthier than before I started. The diet was mostly vegan, and junk food was hard to come by. Knowing how to cook also helped because I managed to whip up stuff that looked and tasted pretty decent:



Even though my most hardcore dumpster-diving phase has run its course, a big chunk of what I eat is still coming out of the garbage. I haven't had to pay for bread in months, and it's working wonders for my wallet. Trust me, give it a try. Stake out your local grocery store after hours and take a peek into what they throw away. You may encounter a bunch of decaying waste—surrounded by ravenous rats with beady little eyes—but more often than not, you'll probably be able to find something for lunch the next day.

Follow Jackie Hong on Twitter.

07 Jul 13:57

Happy Fucking Birthday, America

by Megan Koester
Dance Magers

This is fantastic

Photo via Flickr user Mike Mozart

America is the greatest fucking country on Earth. It may as well be the only fucking country on Earth. It’s the only fucking country that matters, anyhow. After all, giving us free reign over the entirety of His Kingdom was the last thing God did before He died. That’s right–our complete and utter dominance over the rest of the world is Divine Right, baby! Which explains why we’re so fucking good at it! We run this bitch (and by “this bitch,” I mean, “the world”)…like a boss!

In honor of the birth of the nation that allowed D. W. Griffith’s wildly racist Birth of a Nation to be the first motion picture ever screened at the White House, let us now take a break from setting shit on fire and pounding piss-weak macrobrews to praise everything that makes the good ol’ U.S. of A. the proverbial tits.

We Get Other Countries to Make Our Shit for Us

We’re, like, constantly on the go, workin’ double shifts at our service industry jobs to pay for childcare, which means we no longer have the time to manufacture our own products like ancestors did in generations past. It doesn’t matter, though, ‘cause China’s totally got our backs. They’re all, like, “Dude, we get it. You guys are busy. Don’t worry, we’ll totally make all your shit. T-shirts? Done. Electronics? On it. Food? Oh, fuck yeah. We’ve got this.” And we’re all, like, “Thanks, brah. We were worried we’d have to manufacture things again and, in the process, earn more than eight dollars an hour. We don’t wanna join a union or whatever like our dads did back in the day… LOL.”

We Get Other Countries to Answer Our Phones for Us

Dude, how baller is that? It’s like India’s our fucking butler!

Photo via Flickr user Shine 2010

We Can, Apropos of Nothing, Decide That We’re Super Into Soccer

Hell yeah, we competed in the World Cup. Should we have? Fuck no. Soccer is the World’s Game, and the world, by and large, despises us. In other countries, up to and including Brazil, the World Cup’s current host country, soccer is a game primarily played by impoverished slum dwellers. In America, it’s a game primarily played by upper middle class autistic kids (all that running gives ‘em the opportunity to blow off some steam!). There are no geopolitical aspects to our newfound love of soccer—it’s just an excuse for frustrated fathers to scream “Hustle, Brayden!” from the sidelines and, in the case of the World Cup, start drinking at 9 AM on a weekday.

The best part about America’s newfound World Cup fever, of course, is the fact that it gives us the opportunity to arbitrarily start hating countries we previously didn’t even know existed. We can’t tell you where Belgium is on a map, or even what language they speak, but we can tell you they should go fuck themselves. ‘Cause they beat our boys, goddamnit!

We Have the Freedom to, Like, Talk or Whatever

We can say whatever the fuck we want, whenever we fucking want. So long as, in doing so, we don’t upset our corporate overlords or get ourselves sued for slander. The richer we are, the more we can say, which gives us an incentive to work hard, make that paper, and go on racist tirades!

Photo via Flickr user Erik Hersman

We Can Vote and Shit (Even if We Have Pussies)

Listen, toots—this ain’t Saudi Arabia. Women have had the right to vote in this country for, like, a hella long time. As is the case with any right, they totally have the right to, like, not vote, too. Which is tight, because voting doesn’t really matter anyway. Our sick-ass Supreme Court ultimately makes all of our decisions, up to and including what broads can do with their bods. Having our lives and rights determined for us frees us from having to research and care about the issues, which in turn gives us more time to care about the shit that really matters, like professional sports and those kooky Kardashians.

We Solved Racism

Whenever some hater approaches us with that “America is still hyper fragmented by race” mumbo jumbo, we can just point at a picture of our fuckin’ POTUS, lookin’ non-white as fuck, and be all, like, “Uh… read ‘em and weep, dipshit.” The same thing applies when it comes to class. Whiny-ass motherfuckers are all like, “Boo hoo, the rich are only getting richer and the poor poorer, soon there won’t be a middle class at all, blah blah blah” and we’re, like, “Uh… bootstraps much? If you don’t wanna be poor all your life, do something about it. Develop an app or something. Look at that 24-year-old over there. He was just a college kid, eating ramen at Yale, and now he’s a billionaire. All ‘cause he found the right angel investor.”

Photo via Flickr user 5chw4r7z

We Use Other Countries’ Cultures as Excuses to Party

While it’s bomb and all that Cinco De Mayo is some kind of tight-ass holiday in Mexico, that isn’t why we get crunk at Chevy’s Fresh Mex once a year. We just love to drink while wearing funny hats. We also love to attend outdoor music festivals while wearing funny hats, which is why our Facebook profile is filled with pictures of us in headdresses and short shorts at Coachella.

We Have Hella Religious Freedom

Listen, there’s no room for religious discrimination in this land of the free, home of the Atlanta Braves. If you wanna be super Christian, or just only kinda Christian, that’s your choice. We’re not here to harsh your buzz, bro. Unless, I mean, you don’t want to pray before a town meeting. If that’s the case, we’re sorry, but our bois and broads down at the Supreme Court have to put the hammer down on your ass.

Photo via Flickr user Simon Shek

We Have Hella Food

We have so much food, we joyfully, remorselessly stuff foods in other foods. So much food, as a matter of fact, that we don’t even eat all of it. Thirty-one percent of our food, 133 billion pounds of shit, is thrown out yearly. That’s $161.6 billion worth of hot dogs—hot dogs filled with cheese, liquid cheese, cream cheese and that cheese shit that comes in a can. We DGAF, though, ‘cause we’ve got money the fuck to spare, what with us being ballers and all.

It makes sense that we’d have so much food, on account of how much we love it. The only thing we love more than eating, in fact, is talking about where we’re gonna eat next, and what we’re gonna eat when we get there. How much do we love eating? Enough to talk about eating while we’re eating.

Photo via Flickr user Pål Joakim Olsen

We Love Our Guns

And our guns love us. Which is why we polish ‘em up, real nice like. We cradle them in our arms, caress them like we used to caress our ex-wives, before they got all fat and we had to kick their asses to the curb. You want our guns? You can take them from our cold, dead fingers. We'll no longer need them, having been fatally shot by another gun-toting patriot minutes prior. 

Follow Megan Koester on Twitter.

07 Jul 13:42

A New Robotech Series Is Coming

by Richard Eisenbeis on Kotaku, shared by Rob Bricken to io9

A New Robotech Series Is Coming

Today at Anime Expo 2014, Harmony Gold announced their plans to bring back classic 80s anime Robotech via Kickstarter.

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07 Jul 13:39

Boeing Fuselages Make A Splash In Montana River

by Robert T. Gonzalez
Dance Magers

Crazy

Boeing Fuselages Make A Splash In Montana River

A trio of Boeing fuselages wound up in the Clark Fork River this week, when a train carrying the aircraft derailed near Superior, Montana. Thankfully, no one was injured – but we can't help but wonder what Boeing intends to do with these castoff parts. See more photos of the aftermath by Kyle Massick at King 5 News.

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05 Jul 19:09

Watch Triple Lightning Strike 3 of Chicago's Tallest Buildings At Once

by Robert T. Gonzalez

Watch Triple Lightning Strike 3 of Chicago's Tallest Buildings At Once

Photographer Craig Shimala was filming a time-lapse of a derecho over Chicago on the night of June 30th when a triple lightning strike touched down on three of the city's tallest buildings: Willis Tower, Trump Tower, and the John Hancock Building.

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