It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My manager told me my work was OK, but then redid it
I’ve recently begun volunteering in a charity shop and the manager asked me if I would like to have a go at doing the window display. I jumped at the chance as I am quite creative and love fashion. I completed the display and asked her if I needed to change anything, and to feel free to let me know. She said it was fine.
I went past the shop window the next day and the display had totally changed. I feel totally deflated and confused. I feel that I’m very approachable and gave plenty of opportunity for her to come to me before my shift ended to let me know if it wasn’t suitable. It was my first try at it and didn’t expect to get it right first time. I’m back in the shop soon and am unsure how to address the issue. Do I do it in a lighthearted way or more serious way?
I’m not sure if because it’s volunteering the manager doesn’t want to put off people who come in to help, but I feel a bit uncomfortable if I don’t know if I’m not doing an effective job or not.
Aw, yeah, that would feel deflating! It’s possible that it wasn’t about your work at all; for all we know, another volunteer felt like changing it up. But it’s also possible that the manager did want to change what you’d done, and you’re right to think she should have given you more direct feedback if that were the case.
I would say this: “I noticed the window display changed the day after I did it. I realize I might not have gotten it right, but I’d love to get better at it. Can you give me any feedback about what to do differently next time?”
And then if you do get to try it again, this time say at the outset, “Are there guidelines I should keep in mind — do’s or don’ts, or things you’ve found work well? I want to make sure I’m doing it in a way that works for you.”
2. My boss is enraged when I talk about birds
I arrived at a meeting early to set up the room as I was the most junior person, and a senior director came in and started chatting. As we made polite small talk, it came up that we were both birdwatchers and I was telling him about an uncommon-but-not-totally-rare sighting I’d gotten that weekend (he was appropriately impressed, and was recounting his hawk list). My manager came in and was horrified we were talking about birds. Of course, as soon as she came in, we dropped the bird talk and moved on to greeting her.
IMAGINE HER HORROR when the senior director dropped by my desk a couple weeks later to tell me about a truly awesome sighting he’d gotten of a big-deal migratory bird. No more than three minutes of me going, “Wow! Which park were you at? That’s amazing!” and the senior director walked off chuffed that someone had admired his bird sighting.
My manager scolded me that talking about birds is unprofessional and I am never to bring up birds at work again. (The senior director continues to bring it up when he sees me, though, and my manager seethes every time.)
I have no idea what this is about. Maybe she was irritated I made a personal connection with the director, but mostly she just has this lengthy catalog of things that are professional and unprofessional, updated daily. It was completely, totally arbitrary. I think “unprofessional” is her catch-all for “things I do not like and cannot control, but can’t think of a good reason for banning.” So, you know, stupid birds! Stop flying past the window!
Your manager is a loon (yay for bird jokes!). I suspect you’re right that she didn’t like you making a personal connection with the director, but seething over bird talk is utterly ridiculous and disconnected from reality. It sounds, though, like that’s in character for her and there’s nothing here that you didn’t already know about how she operates (although this may be a particularly absurd illustration of it).
The next time you see her chafing about bird talk, it might be interesting to say to her, “I would feel really rude ignoring Director when he brings up the topic of birds herself. How exactly are you asking me to handle that?”
But the real plan here should be to build rapport with the director and other people senior to your manager and then start discreetly dropping info about the bananas stuff she says to you.
3. I need to stop ADHD and depression meds while pregnant — should I warn my boss?
My husband and I are finally ready to start a family. We’d planned to start trying at the end of last year, but the election results shifted some of our plans majorly, so we pushed it by a few months — and, after more chaos, finally acknowledged that there’s gonna be no perfect time, so we might as well go for it.
The additional chaos: I got laid off in December and recently started a new job at a company that I love, and I seem to have gotten off at a really strong start. However, my doctor advised me that if I get pregnant, I’m going to have to stop taking two medications that make my life infinitely easier/better — one for depression and one for ADHD. I was unmedicated until my early 30s and still managed to be a top performer at another high-demand company (it was very deadline-driven, which helped mitigate the brain chaos), but between discontinuing meds, what I’ve heard of pregnancy brain, and also being in my mid 30s rather than late 20s and thus not as able to pull off late nights quite as easily, I’m concerned that there might be some hiccups, to put it gently.
How would you recommend addressing this? Should I speak to my manager first, or talk to HR and have them loop her in? Should I do it as soon as I know I’m pregnant/stop meds, or if (/once) things start getting a little rockier? FWIW, my manager has a very young child and she’s super kind, so I trust her not to be a jerk to me, but I also … do not trust corporate America at all and really don’t wanna get screwed over.
Wait until there’s something concrete to speak up about, meaning that you have stopped the meds and are seeing it affect your work. At that point you can say something like, “I want to let you know I’ve had to temporarily stop a medication while I’m pregnant and it may be affecting my concentration. I’m doing XYZ to try to mitigate the effects, but if you noticed anything different, that’s likely why. I’m hopeful it will be resolved soon.” (If you’re saying this before she knows you’re pregnant, you can just leave that part of the wording out.)
Addressing it before it has become a problem risks priming your boss to see problems whereas otherwise she might not have. You also don’t need to disclose the depression or ADHD specifically; the vaguer wording above is enough.
4. No one has responded to my resignation
I am a therapist at a large nonprofit. It’s a very decentralized position, where I work in a school the nonprofit contracts with and only meet with my direct supervisor once a week. This means I have very little contact with my supervisor and coworkers. This is normally fine, except that my supervisor (Elizabeth) has gone on maternity leave, and I have decided to quit my job. There is nothing particularly wrong with it, it’s just time for us to part ways on good terms.
While Elizabeth is gone, I have a temporary supervisor, Jane, who I meet with for weekly one-on-ones. Because I am a therapist, these meetings are to discuss cases and clinical work. Jane is a clinician who does not work directly for the agency and is divorced from administrative things such as my leaving my job. Elizabeth’s second-in-command, Lydia, is taking over her administrative duties, but she has a lot on her plate and is currently in a week-long training. There is also the clinical director of my program, Charlotte, who is even busier and often does not respond quickly to emails. I normally would have a live meeting on video where I gave my resignation, but, given all of the above, there wasn’t really anyone for me to have that meeting with. Instead, I sent an email last Wednesday to Elizabeth, Charlotte, and Jane.
I am writing to you on the following Wednesday, and I have gotten no response. I suspect this is because Lydia is in a training, Charlotte is always busy, and this isn’t really Jane’s job. I was going to bring it up to Jane in supervision this week to see if she had any advice, but then she canceled supervision! Since I’m a therapist, I want as much time as possible to let my clients know that I’m leaving, but I hesitate to do that until my job knows that I’m leaving. What do you do when nobody notices when you give notice? Help!
Change the method you’re using to communicate. Call Lydia or Charlotte. If they don’t pick up, leave a voicemail saying you emailed your resignation last week, haven’t heard back from anyone, and need to touch base ASAP before you begin telling clients, and ask them to call you today if at all possible. If they tend not to listen to voicemails, send a text saying the same thing. If you were in the same location, I’d also say to just drop by in person, but it doesn’t sound like that’s an option here.
Worst case scenario, if you still don’t hear back, send an additional email and voicemail saying that you still haven’t heard back from anyone, your plan is to begin telling clients on (date), and if they want to change that plan to get in touch with you ASAP.
5. What should I take to work every day when we don’t have assigned desks?
Currently, we have all have our own offices (lucky we know) but for several months we will be temporarily moving to cubes in a hoteling set-up, Since we will only be in our cubes a few days a week, none of them will be assigned. All of the hardware will be provided for us, and we have our own laptops.
We almost feel like we have to pack for a day trip each time we’re scheduled to be in the office, and I’m sure I won’t be the only one who gets to the office some day and says “I can’t believe I forgot THAT.” So do you, or your readers who are used to this work environment, have any tips for things that we need to remember to bring with us each day that we are used to having in our own personal offices? Rather than basic office supplies, we’re thinking more like “pain medicine, umbrella, snacks, phone charger,” and so on.
Yep, I would get a little bag that’s easy to take back and forth (ideally a stuffed sloth pencil case) and turn it into a portable version of what you might normally keep in a desk drawer if you had a permanent desk. For me that would be snacks, a charger, pens, lip balm, band-aids, hair ties, a nail file, pain meds, tampons, maybe a stain pen, and an overwhelming number of hot sauce packets. I’ll turn this over to readers for more suggestions in the comment section.
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