State lawmakers are in the Hill Country community most impacted by the July 4 flooding gathering testimony for legislation to address disaster preparedness and response efforts.
A recurring problem I encounter when reviewing API proposals is that teams tend not to be precise in their use of terminology. This casualness is inevitable when you work with a feature for a long time and develop notational shortcuts, but the people who are learning your API don’t have the same level of familiarity that you do, and shifting terminology tends to create confusion.
For example, there was an API proposal that included two methods.
The first method talks about “enabling” but the second talks about “applying”.
For somebody encountering this API for the first time, the existence of two different terms raises questions. Is enabling a filter the same as applying it? Or are there two steps to making a filter active, first you enable it, then you apply it? (Or do you apply it first, and then enable it?)
When I asked the team, they said that enabling and applying are two names for the same thing. They internally use both terms to refer to adding filters to a widget.
I recommended that they not use multiple names for the same concept. This makes it harder to see that the two methods are counterparts to each other. Pick a name and stick with it.
They chose to use “Enable” throughout, so the second method was renamed to AreAnyFiltersEnabled().
This consistency extends beyond method names. If there is a parameter that corresponds to a property, use the same name for both the parameter and the property in order to make the connection clear.
In this case, the intention is that the id parameter passed to the constructor can be read back by reading the Name property. In that case, the parameter and property should either both be called Id or both called Name.
If you try to shut down Windows, and there’s a program that is not allowing the shutdown to proceed, then the Blocked Shutdown Resolver (BSDR) shows a list of windows that includes the one that is processing the shutdown notification, as well as the windows who are waiting for their turn to process the shutdown notification. For each window, the information looks like this:
Contoso Composer
← Window title
Burning a CD
← passed to ShutdownBlockReasonCreate
↑
Window icon
The program controls all the parts of the presentation. The description comes from the window title. The icon come from the window icon. And the subtitle comes from the string that the program passed to the ShutdownBlockReasonCreate function.
If the program did not call ShutdownBlockReasonCreate, then a generic system-provided string is used like “This app is preventing shutdown” or “This app is preventing you from restarting.”
But why is the description sometimes blank? Who would create a window with no title?
Programs often create windows that they never intend to show to the user. It might be a helper window that exists to receive messages or to act as an anchor for positioning another window. Since the program knew that the window would never be shown to the user, it didn’t bother giving it a title.
Except that the Blocked Shutdown Resolver shows the title.
And if the title is empty, you get a blank string.
So, programmers, give your windows useful titles, even the ones you never thought would be shown to the user.
First, thank you so much for validating my choice to turn down Cersei’s offer, and to the commentariat for their support and hilarity. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to engage with the comments at the time, but I did read them and especially guffawed at the Admiral Ackbar reference!
Unfortunately, I thought my vague “no, thank you” would be the end of it, but it wasn’t. Several weeks later, Cersei emailed me to ask for my recommendation for other folks who might do a good job filling the positions of her team since I wasn’t available. Did I, for example, have any mentees that I would feel comfortable recommending?
I could, and should, probably just have said “no” and moved on. However, that answer would have clearly been a lie (she knows I mentor people) and I felt certain that it would have been taken as active unfriendliness. Cersei is influential in my field and, while I can turn down work from her, it is harder for me to actively stonewall her.
So I took a risk, called her on the phone, and told her that I didn’t feel comfortable recommending people due to not wanting to damage my relationships with my mentor. This wasn’t the whole story, obviously, but it was also true, and to her credit she was very understanding and told me she was going to reach out to another peer and ask him for advice and recommendations. I haven’t heard from her since.
I don’t actually know what happened with the team, though I believe the person she liked is still working there, so perhaps someone was able to convince her that her plan was a bad idea. I’m not sure about Jamie or the other team member. We haven’t been in contact, and after hearing about yet more drama that they continue to inflict on their other colleagues in the field, I feel pretty content staying as far away from them as possible.
This situation was indeed a hive of bees (and presumably continues to be), so I hope this is the end of my involvement. Thanks again to you and the Ask community for your advice.
Alas, not really a happy ending here. I kept an eye on the guest list as the RSVP date drew near. Way too many of father dearest’s allies and fans, so I ended up declining the invitation to the fancy awards evening. I didn’t want to have a bad time dealing with people while also steering clear of the man himself. It’s televised too, adding to the complexity. You had good advice and the commentators also threw in some solid phrases, but at the end of the day I would have been utterly outnumbered.
Result of the awards? We both won our respective categories, so yeah… what can I say. Sad to have missed it. Next time, perhaps.
Thank you for answering my question about attending the memorial service for a beloved former coworker when my abusive former boss would likely also be there.
As it turns out I was not able to attend — the date I was originally told was preliminary and it was later changed to a time when I just couldn’t go. But your comments, and the comments from your readers really helped. In particular, thanks to those who pointed out that this former boss no longer has any power over me, other than any power I grant her by keeping her in my head. That was exactly what I needed to hear — it really gave me the perspective I needed to permanently eject her from my anxieties.
I also appreciated the reader who suggested that I tell off the jerk at the memorial service. That was my original dumb thought too! It was great to be walked back from that totally inappropriate reaction. :-)
In the end, I was able to pass along my respects to the family of the deceased coworker another way, and am no longer anxious at the thought of one day encountering Evil Former Boss.
I am a member of the C-suite in a pretty small organization where my direct reports have direct reports. I’ve realized I don’t have strong, open lines of communication with my second-level reports. We don’t talk much organically. I’m realizing we should have more regular check-ins, likely starting with some 1:1 meetings.
I’ve been on the other side of this equation at various other jobs; every once in a while, my boss’s boss would ask for a private meeting to check in on how things were going. These meetings were nearly always awkward and purposeless. I felt as if I had to prove myself and, if asked casually about how a project was going, it felt like a pop quiz. I didn’t know these grandbosses well enough to raise concerns casually. If I had any problems with my boss or with office culture, I’d prepare much more heavily for a private conversation I’d instigate outside of the regular check-ins, since I’d want more of a runway to prepare my thoughts and talking points.
I want to keep the lines of communication open so that these staff members can come to me with problems. Any best practices for how to put folks more at ease during these meetings and keep them from feeling like a waste of time? (Or should I not have these meetings at all? I remember seeing you’ve recommended them in the past!)
Yes, you should do skip-level meetings periodically — generally at least once or twice a year. The idea is to build rapport with staff several layers down so that they’ll hopefully be more comfortable raising issues to you when needed (like an issue with their direct manager), get feedback you otherwise might not hear, have an opportunity to spot problems and talent-related opportunities, share information and perspectives, and generally help people feel you’re approachable.
The biggest thing to put people at ease is to spell out exactly what you’re hoping each of you will get from the meetings, since otherwise people will fill in the blanks on their own, and not always correctly, and to explain up-front how you’ll use any feedback they give you. In particular, you could explicitly say that you welcome their thoughts about ways to improve the team and any observations they think you should know about. I’ve also found it helpful to open the meeting with genuine praise for something you’ve been impressed with from them or that you appreciate from them; it tends to put people more at ease. (It needs to be genuine, though!) Ideally you’d also come with some specific questions you want their feedback or perspective on.
What you do after the meeting matters, too. If they gave you feedback on something or suggested an idea, you should engage meaningfully with that, including going back to them to let them know where you ultimately ended up on it and why. (Otherwise people are very likely to feel these meetings are just lip service.)
Things I’ve gained from doing these include opening up a more comfortable channel that people eventually used to tip me off to issues with a manager, realizing there was a major disconnect in the way we thought a message from above was being relayed versus what was actually being relayed, hearing about problems that were important to me to address that the person’s direct manager didn’t think they should bother me with, getting a better idea of what was frustrating people in their work/our processes, having the chance to explain internal organizational things that people were wondering about but didn’t know how to find out, spotting people who were really good at what they did in some way I didn’t have much visibility into previously, and generally just getting to know people better, which likely paid off in a bunch of small ways throughout the year.
The U.N., Doctors Without Borders, and other humanitarian groups are sounding the alarm on mass starvation throughout Gaza. The Onion takes a look at how the U.S. and Israeli-backed Gaza Humanitarian Fund is distributing aid.
STEP 1
Potential aid recipients identified through rifle scope
STEP 2
70-80 checkpoints
STEP 3
IDF soldiers wipe crumbs off their mouths
STEP 4
Palestinians in line asked if they want to film a short thank you video for Trump
STEP 5
Hungry children told to come back when they’ve developed viable two-state solution
A large blaze destroyed the full-time transmitter back on March 25th, along with the shelter in place for it. Officials say they are continuing to work on installing a permanent transmitter and shelter, targeting September 30th to get it up and running.
On Thursday's show: Actor William Shatner talks with us ahead of an appearance in Houston tonight where he'll share stories from his career following a screening of "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan."
The dome, which saw its last publicly held event in 2002, has been vacant for years. County and sports officials have long weighed options for the building that garnered the title "Eighth Wonder of the World," — but none have stuck.
My organization has been slow on the uptake around AI and so I’ve been interested to see that several commenters have mentioned that their workplaces already have clear AI policies. Would it be possible to do a Thursday ask-the-readers question to get a survey of how different organizations are handling rules around AI in the workplace? I’m interested in what the rules are, how they were developed, what sort of change-management was implemented, and how the policies have changed (or not) as employees have gained experience with AI tools.
Yes! Readers, please share in the comment section.
WASHINGTON—In an escalation of his ongoing feud with the press, White House sources confirmed this week that President Donald Trump was suing the Safeway circular for false ham claims. “The deceptive Safeway flyer peddles lies about the dry and chewy Krakus Polish Honey Ham being both tender and juicy,” the president told reporters aboard Air Force One, explaining that he was seeking $20 billion in damages from the grocery coupon publication and its editor-in-chief for what he described as a “shocking hoax.” “The Safeway circular has treated me very badly. They say you can taste the homestyle difference, but you cannot, and there’s no way that ham can be $8.99 per pound after I brought grocery prices to an all-time low. However, that’s nothing compared to the horrendous ham prices we saw under Biden.” Trump added that he planned to launch a sales flyer of his own that would represent lunch meat without bias, spotlighting only succulent, hickory-smoked American hams.
“If prices keep falling we could even get to ‘talk to your bank and get quickly laughed out of the room’ levels. We haven’t been that low since 2019!” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) detail what Trump’s EU deal means for Canada, break down the bombshell news that Canada […]
WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S.President Donald Trump has announced that Canada’s decision to recognize Palestinian statehood will “make it very hard for us to make a Trade Deal with them, which I had no intention of honouring in the first place.” As Trump’s latest trade talk deadline threatens to impose 35% tariffs on Canadian goods, the […]
Willa Robinson has loved to read since she was a child. It’s a passion passed down from her father, who “read everything” and tended to fall asleep on Sunday afternoons with the newspaper over his face, she told me.
The 84-year-old Robinson first began collecting books in the late 1970s, when she would spend her lunch hour in the bookstore up the street from the Kansas City Post Office where she worked. After she transferred to a downtown branch a decade later, she found books at a nearby Salvation Army. She sought out books on the Holy Spirit, but “every time I would go looking for a book on the Holy Spirit, there would be books about Black history,” she recalled. This is when “the fever, the passion for Black books” entered her life. “The spirit of God placed this hunger in my heart for Black history.”
Collecting books by Black authors took on a greater importance in her life after the loss of her daughter and granddaughter.
“I know why people hoard,” she said. “It’s because they’re trying to fill an empty spot. And the empty spot that I was trying to fill was my daughter and my granddaughter that were gone.”
While the Defender is a news organization, it has long seen its mission as broader and deeper than reporting alone. On top of its editorial operations, the Defender runs a community programs wing, which provides mutual aid such as free grocery and clothing programs. Sorrell described this work as a “very organic evolution” from the Defender’s purely editorial roots. When the Defender broke the story about a serial killer targeting Black women in Kansas City in 2022, many readers reached out wanting to volunteer or take some kind of action; the Defender ultimately organized a vigil for the women killed. “That was a moment of realization, for me, that we did need this entire second wing of the organization,” Sorrell said. One local who got involved with the Defender’s community programs after that vigil: Kerrs.
That structure offered a foundation for the Defender to step up for Robinson in some ways that might seem unusual for a news organization.
In August 2024, the Defender began paying the store’s rent for Robinson. On the editorial side, the Defender put together a story spotlighting her need for support that it co-published with the Kansas City Call, the city’s historic Black newspaper, resulting in about 80 people reaching out to volunteer. Next, Kerrs and campaign co-director Lauren Winston organized a team of 40 volunteers, who spent six to eight months cataloguing Robinson’s collection of 20,000+ books. (Kerrs is now on staff, but everyone else was a volunteer, Sorrell said. Some volunteers had library and archival backgrounds.)
After consulting with a local coaching hub for Black entrepreneurs, the Defender formalized its plan. Next month, one year since it began covering Robinson’s rent, the Defender will launch a capital campaign to raise $500,000. Two-thirds of that will go toward purchasing Robinson’s collection. The rest goes toward renovations, rent, and hiring a staffer (or increasing a staffer’s hours). The Defender already has a verbal agreement with the landlord for a two-year lease, and plans to reopen between December and early 2026.
Aside from hosting the public archive and serving as an operational HQ, the Defender plans to move its storage of free clothing to the space, and will host its Abolitionist Freedom School (a 14-week program for a cohort of 20 students, from teens to retirees) there. Its backroom will serve as a video production “creator” space.
It’s especially good timing for the Defender to create a physical HQ, Sorrell said, because of how much the organization has expanded. It now has four full-time staffers, seven part-time employees, and 15 volunteer leaders.
Robinson, for her part, was skeptical at first about the idea of creating a public archive, she told me. She’d hoped the space would remain a store. “But once they explained to me what they were going to do, I agreed to it,” she said. “The young people are the ones [with] ideas, they got the energy to carry it out…I think the young people can do it better than I can do it now.”
Before starting the Defender, Sorrell researched the history of the Black press. He found “historically, the Black press was the second most influential institution in Black communities outside the Black church, and that was because of the actual physical spaces,” he said. “They served as community centers in the Black community.”
This move, he said, enables the Defender to “directly follow in that legacy of the Black press serving as more than just a disconnected news outlet, and actually being a hub in the community, and a place that people feel safe to go to.”
Photo inside Willa’s Books and Vinyl by Jade Williams with The Kansas City Defender.
There have been discussions about property tax hikes in Kerr County to help pay for the flood recovery. But there is a growing sense that flood victims should not be paying for the recovery of other flood victims.
In brief: A moderate risk (3/4) remains posted today for flooding between Washington, DC and northern New Jersey with isolated 4-to-7-inch totals expected. The tropics remain quiet, and heading into the first half of August, it’s not apparent that things are going to dramatically increase. We’ll keep watching.
Fairly brief update today, but let’s get to it.
Flooding risk in the Mid-Atlantic
There continues to be a moderate risk (3/4) of flooding today in the Mid-Atlantic region.
A moderate risk for excessive rainfall exists from just south of DC to just west of New York. (NOAA WPC)
Modeling continues to strongly suggest the potential for isolated pockets of 4 to 5 inches or more of rainfall across the moderate risk area. Potential does exist for perhaps up to 7 inches of rain in some really isolated spots. Many areas will be fine today, but the entire region is at risk for something a little more serious, hence the moderate risk.
HREF model probability-matched mean rainfall forecast for Thursday showing pockets of high rainfall. (NOAA SPC)
Basically, it’s a good day to make sure that you plan around the rain in the region. Maybe hang tight at your location for a bit if it’s raining heavily. Have a way to receive flash flood warnings. And do your best to never drive through a flooded road, as the water is often deeper than you realize.
Tomorrow’s rainfall risk shifts southward into the Southeast, mainly the Carolinas.
A slight risk (2/4) of heavy rainfall and flooding exists in the Carolinas for Friday. (NOAA WPC)
That risk will probably hold steady in that area for Saturday as well.
Tropics still mostly benign
Another day with no tropical threats on the map from the National Hurricane Center today. As all the thunderstorms in the Southeast begin to push offshore, there is a very, very slight risk that something may try to briefly spin up and head out to sea from there. But those odds look quite low.
Overall, the Basin looks about average for this time of year right now. Over the next couple weeks, I’m not convinced it’s going to get more favorable. Of course, given that climatology begins to ramp up in August, that should still mean we see something at some point in the next 2 to 3 weeks. That’s just a given. But in terms of getting a lot of activity, significant activity, etc., I’m not sure I see the background state of the Atlantic cooperating in a significant way right now.
If you want to look out far in time, we can grab the European model’s subseasonal outlook for tropical storms.
The odds of a tropical storm per the Euro weeklies yesterday is highest off the East Coast in mid-August. (ECMWF)
The odds of a tropical storm in mid-August (we’re looking at the week of August 11th here) aren’t exactly strong. Some European model data suggests perhaps something could emerge off the Eastern Seaboard, but the odds at this point remain below 30 percent, or close to normal for this time of year. Conditions may become a smidge more favorable by later August, but again, that should be expected in a normal hurricane season.
In brief: Houston’s high temperature hit 101 degrees Wednesday with modestly drier air. Now, as tropical moisture moves into the region we will see increasing rain chances heading into the weekend. And looking ahead to August, the start of the month appears to be fairly mild as August goes in these parts.
At least it’s a dry heat
Houston’s high temperature reached 101 degrees on Wednesday at Bush Intercontinental Airport. This was aided in part by high pressure, but also unusually dry air. During the mid- to late-morning hours in the city, the dewpoint fell into the 50s, which made the heat feel a little (emphasis on a little) more tolerable. Anyway, drier air warms more efficiently than air with higher levels of moisture, so that helped turn a hot day into a sizzling one. Moisture has already begun to increase in the atmosphere, so that will set the stage for slightly cooler, but more humid weather with rising rain chances as we get closer to the weekend.
Much of Texas will hit 100 degrees again Thursday, but the Houston region should remain in the upper 90s. (Pivotal Weather)
Thursday
Speaking of rain chances, showers have developed this morning on the eastern side of Galveston Bay, in places such as Anahuac and Bolivar Peninsula. I expect these storms to hang together and move into the southern half of the region (generally south of I-10) later this morning. Additional light to moderate showers will be possible later today, but overall chances are probably only about 30 percent. An increase in clouds and atmospheric moisture levels should hold high temperatures in the upper 90s for most locations today.
Friday
This will be another day with partly to mostly sunny skies, and high temperatures in the mid- to upper-90s for most locations. There will be scattered showers throughout the day, and an increasing risk of some stronger showers Friday afternoon or evening. Again I think these will be fairly scattered in nature, but we cannot rule out a few thunderstorms if you are out an about on a Friday night. Overnight temperatures, otherwise, remain warm and muggy.
Levels of atmospheric moisture, or precipitable water, will be above normal on Saturday, indication background conditions more fertile for rain. (Weather Bell)
Saturday and Sunday
Even though skies should remain partly to mostly sunny this weekend, we will see our best rain chances on Saturday and Sunday. Most of the area should see intermittent light to moderate showers on Saturday, and Sunday will also likely see half the region recording some precipitation. Overall accumulations look fairly modest, in the 0.25 to 0.5 inch range for most, but there may well be some bullseyes with 2-plus inches of rainfall. So while it is unlikely, we cannot entirely rule out some isolated street flooding. Highs look to be in the low- to mid-90s on both days.
Next week
All in all, for August, next week looks to be fairly typical. We can expect high temperatures generally in the low- to mid-90s, with mostly sunny days. However there will also be a daily chance of showers (nothing crazy, mind you) that will likely be driven by the sea breeze. Any days we can get through August without blistering heat or a threatening tropical system are small victories.
Tropics
Speaking of the tropics, there’s just not much happening out there at the end of July. Sure, there are a couple of tropical waves we are keeping an eye on, but nothing that appears likely to develop for at least the next week. So, dare I say, I feel pretty good about Houston’s weather heading into August? I can’t remember the last time I felt or said that.
The Amon Carter Museum of American Art in Fort Worth has announced an open call for its 2026 Carter Community Artists program, which invites four selected North Texas-area artists to collaborate with the Museum’s education team on a variety of projects and events throughout the year. The local artists will assist with creating, planning, and leading experiences at the museum and in the community.
Launched in 2018, the Carter Community Artists initiative is dedicated to supporting and working with local artists to enhance the Carter’s events, connect the North Texas community with practicing artists, and build a network among local artists, according to the museum’s press release.
Applicants working in all media should be “driven by a deep passion for the arts, a genuine love for our community, and a desire to create connections between audiences and the Museum through collaborative work with Carter staff.”
Dr. Lauren Cross with students participating in a past Carter Community Artists program event
The artists will be able to explore the Museum’s expansive collection, exhibitions, and rich history to create programming for kids and adults inside the museum and offsite in the Forth Worth community. Current artists working with the program are Kristin Boyer, LaShonda Cooks, Dizzy Orbit, and Javier Sandoval, and past Carter Community Artists have included former Glasstire Editor-in-Chief Christopher Blay, Calder Kamin, and Anna Joy Pham.
Over the course of the year, artists should expect to work between 20-40 hours with the museum’s education department. Community Artists’ work planning, facilitating, and teaching will be supported by a $100 per hour honorarium, with the total number of hours varying by project.
Applications open August 1 and will be open through Monday, September 8, 2025. They are available on the museum’s website. Selected artists will be announced in late fall 2025.
Update July 31, 2025: This article has been updated to include the opening date of the Carter Community Artists applications. They open August 1.
“This exhibition shows how the Wyeth family, over three generations, became one of the most respected families in American art. Their work includes paintings, mixed-media, and drawings created over more than 100 years.
N.C. Wyeth’s iconic illustrations for literary classics. Andrew Wyeth’s hauntingly realistic depictions of American life. Jamie Wyeth’s vibrant portrayals of contemporary subjects. Henriette Wyeth’s striking portraits, and her husband Peter Hurd’s Southwestern watercolor landscape. Their works, spanning over a century, reflect both shared themes and individual artistic achievements.”
“This exhibition is a tribute to the beauty and strength found in the everyday — drawing deeply from family photo albums, church gatherings, reunions, and quiet, personal moments. What I Carry invites viewers into a nostalgic journey rooted in African American life, shaped by the traditions, people, and spaces that defined the Dallas-based artist’s upbringing.”
“Un Grito Gallery is excited to present This Is Not (Me), an exhibition of recent works by Albert Alvarez, an artist from San Antonio with 20 years experience painting portraits and landscapes in a surreal and mystical style. Alvarez is influenced by Theravada Buddhism and applies the wisdom of these teachings to his paintings. To do so, Alvarez has to study these teachings and synthesize them into his Texas, Tejano, and contemporary American culture and into pictures that viewers can connect with.”
Jasmine Diaz, “You Know How It Ends,” 2025, acrylic on canvas
4. Here and Now
Pablo Cardoza Gallery (Houston)
July 11 – August 24, 2025
From Pablo Cardoza Gallery:
“Pablo Cardoza Gallery is pleased to present a group show featuring work by emerging and student artists Laisha Betancort, Jasmine Diaz, Kelsee Carlile, Jessica Burgess, Caroline Craddock, Catherine Calderon, Mia Guerrero, Halani Rodriguez, and Jen Valle.”
“Big Empty Blues is an exhibition of quilts about Texas. The work takes apart and pieces back together typical Texan iconography into new forms, often incorporating melancholic lyrics from Texan country musicians. In conversation with each other, the quilts explore a pervading sense of poetic sorrow in Texas that undercuts the common romanticization of the state.”
ATLANTA—Claiming that the experience could provide as much satisfaction as unsafe sex, a new report released by the Centers for Disease Control this week recommends Americans eat a nice, shiny apple instead of having unprotected intercourse. “What we are finding is that the risks associated with irresponsible sexual acts far exceed those of chomping on this delicious fruit,” said CDC director Susan Monarez, adding that it took the same amount of effort to chew and savor a ripe Honeycrisp apple as it did to remove a condom and “raw-dog” a lover to completion. “When compared to individuals who engage in unprotected sex, those who consume apples have far lower rates of genital warts. While it is true that eating an apple too quickly may result in temporary abdominal pain, the risks associated with gonorrhea are far worse. The message is clear: If you’re considering going to a bathhouse to have anonymous sex with multiple partners, make the smart choice and try a Granny Smith instead.” The CDC also announced plans to distribute free apples in high schools around the country using money saved from cutting sex education programs.
Fort Bend County is looking to expand a toll road into the western part of the county, a rapidly growing region. But some residents in the rural village of Fairchilds say they’re concerned about its impact.
1. A friendship break-up with a difficult coworker
When I first started in my current job several years ago, my husband and I became friends with a few of my coworkers and their spouses, including my colleague Muriel and her husband David. It was largely a low-key, chill social group and everything seemed okay for a long time.
The group started hanging out less and less, but Muriel and David still reached out to us individually, and so we started getting to know them better and, well, there was a lot going on there that we were initially unaware of. It came out that David has a pretty big addiction problem and lost his job around this time because of it. Ever since that time, we’ve basically been their only social outlet/emotional dumping ground, and we failed to enforce some boundaries that we really should have enforced and let things slide that we really shouldn’t have. This has, unsurprisingly, led to some toxic dynamics.
I’ve been going to therapy and learning how to establish better boundaries, but I think things are too far gone with Muriel and David. My husband and I have decided to take a step back and have (politely) turned down several invitations to hang out over the last month, saying that we are going through some stuff ourselves and that we’re taking some space.
I realize now that I maybe should have had that tough conversation with Muriel, but I, admittedly, chickened out. She has been known to take feedback very badly and holds grudges with people from work when they’ve disagreed over something, so I didn’t want that to happen here.
Well, this morning she sent me an email (using her work email) saying that it’s obvious the friendship is over and I’m a coward for not telling her what my beef with her is. And that she’s really hurt that we’re pulling away when they’ve been good friends to us and with all that her husband is going through right now (she left out the details). But she said she will remain cordial with me at work. We each work with our own set of clients but occasionally are on special project teams together.
I’m not sure what to do. Do I let it sit? Do I send a neutral and polite response? Do I let my boss know what’s up?
How about: “I’m sorry it landed that way. I tried to communicate that we needed to take some time away for our own reasons, but I understand that you’re hurt and I’ll respect what you’re saying here.” And then hey, if she’s true to her word about remaining cordial at work, great, this could all be fine.
If it starts to cause problems at work — since you mentioned she tends to hold grudges — at that point, depending on the details of what’s happening, you might need to loop your boss in. But for now, take the out she’s offering!
2. My boss goes days without talking to me
My manager goes days — even a whole week — without speaking a single word to me. We work in the same general area (not too far from one another). I report directly to them, but outside of shared meetings, we never interact. This leaves me feeling like they don’t care about me, both personally and professionally. I’ve gone on leave for major surgery twice, had close family members pass away, gone through significant workplace hurdles, and had a number of challenging personal issues over the last few years, all without a word from them. Is this normal? How can I address this, especially if it’s not on their radar at all?
No, it’s not normal. That said, do you see your manager talking with other people, or not much? If this seems to be their way with everyone, I would try hard not to draw any messages from it (like that they don’t care about you personally or professionally). Some people are just not very fluent in making human connections. That is a problem when they’re a manager! But it’s still sometimes the case.
It sounds like you do have contact with them on work topics. If you need more of that, you can ask for it — whether it’s asking to set up a weekly or every-two-weeks check-in, or simply being assertive about initiating conversations yourself when it would be helpful. But if it’s really just about the personal side of the relationship, there’s no non-weird way to ask for more of that; you’re better off accepting that this is your manager’s way, and deciding if it’s something you’re willing to live with as part of the larger package of the job.
3. Is it a red flag that I don’t include pronouns in my email signature?
I work in a public sector role. I am on the older side of 50. I am not in a senior or leadership role. Everyone here has the option of using pronouns in their email signatures. I choose not to do this as it has never occurred to me personally that I might get misgendered, so I feel a bit odd doing it. But maybe subconciously there’s more to my reluctance …
I have just read the letter about hiring (or not) men who, amongst their obviously problematic behaviors, don’t use pronouns in their email signatures. I am a bit unnerved that this is seen as a red flag. What is your view about my lack of pronoun use?
For what it’s worth, I did expend some energy in my younger years in trying to get my workplace to be more flexible/accepting with regard to a protected characteristic.
Lots of people don’t use pronouns in their email signatures. It’s not a red flag. It would be hugely problematic if it were, because of what it would mean for people grappling with their gender identity or who don’t want to out themselves at work.
Refusing to use other people’s correct pronouns is a red flag. Not choosing to declare your own in an email signature is not.
4. Should I travel to an interview when I doubt the employer is seriously considering me as a candidate?
I have been asked to travel to a large institution for an in-person interview (they will pay travel expenses). However, I have a strong suspicion that they are favoring an internal candidate, and I am being interviewed to check a box.
Here are my reasons for being suspicious:
• The salary they are offering is far lower than I am willing to accept. When I pointed this out to the hiring manager, they said, “That doesn’t scare me. I’m sure we can work something out.”
• The timeline they have in mind for this hire is four weeks from now. I would need to relocate. Relocation was not discussed in earlier screening calls.
• The interview panel is only made up of representatives from one of the three teams that this role would manage.
• The HR rep arranging my travel said that we might need to cut the last interview of the day short for me to get to the airport on time to return home.
I can usually see the upside in taking an interview to learn new things, benchmark with colleagues in the same field, and network, but I feel I’m being taken advantage of here. Additionally, the people I am scheduled to meet with aren’t in my area of expertise, though I know enough to hold a conversation and ask good questions.
Even though I have plenty of vacation time banked at my current job, it seems a waste to use it on an opportunity that is more than likely not to come to fruition. I’m leaning toward thanking them for the opportunity but that, after further consideration, I am no longer interested in moving forward in the search. Thoughts?
I don’t think you can conclusively say that they’re only interviewing you to check a box and have no intention of hiring you, but you certainly have cause to suspect it.
Even without that, though, I wouldn’t travel for an interview where you already know you wouldn’t accept the salary they’ve offered. It’s all well and good that the hiring manager thinks you’d be able to work something out, but it doesn’t make sense to invest your time in traveling while that’s still an outstanding question (and it could end up meaning they’d come up a small amount, when you’d need something much more substantial). If you were otherwise interested, I’d say to address that up-front: “Before I travel to you, I want to make sure we’re aligned on salary. I’d be looking for a range of $X to accept the job — is that in line with what you’d be able to offer, or does it not make sense to move forward?” If they remain evasive, I’d assume that’s not a number they’re going to meet and make your decisions accordingly.
5. Compensation study said I’m aligned with market rate — can I ask for a raise anyway?
My employer has just done a compensation study and found that my role aligned with my job responsibilities and market standards. I must say, I am a bit miffed. I have only been at this company for a year and a half, but I have over a decade of experience in the role I am in and took a massive pay cut when I accepted this job. At the time, I needed something that was not overwhelming my personal life, as so many of my previous jobs had.
I know that was my choice, but it would have been helpful to have at least gotten nearer the the mid-range pay salary — I am a little more than $5K below that, at the moment. It also seems that after the study, the ranges expanded a bit, as in the minimum and maximum points of salary went either lower or higher, respectively, while the midrange point expanded substantially. For example, the minimum salary before was $68K and it is now $65K.
I love my job and my colleagues, but given these difficult economic times, I was hoping that I would get some sort of pay bump after the study. I must admit it has me looking elsewhere for work, which is really not what I want to do at the moment, given employers have slowed down their hiring.
Can I ask HR to consider my overall professional experience, not just my time at my current job, and factor this as a possibility to give my salary a bump or would that be unprofessional? This time of year is also when we receive our merit increases if that makes a difference to your answer.
The compensation study is about what’s appropriate for the role itself, based on the market. That’s not something where they’d typically factor in your experience; they’re looking at the role itself unless their report specifically breaks out tiers by experience).
If you want to ask for a raise based on your experience — and, importantly, what that lends to the role / how it impacts the level you’re contributing at — you can definitely do that! But it would be separate from the compensation study. Since you mentioned that your company is gearing up to do merit raises, this is the perfect time to raise that with your boss. (Just make sure that you’re making your case around your actual contributions in this job, not what your work history or salary history was before starting it.)
