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07 Mar 12:26

Meet Luhu: The Saddest Cat In The World

by A B

Luhu lives in Beijing with her human Maggie Liu and her various other siblings, but although the cats all share the same parents, Luhu is the only one that looks so sad all the time. She does however bring plenty of joy to her countless Instagram followers, who can’t get enough of her mournful expression.

07 Mar 11:21

The Team Behind Bojack Horseman Is Making a Show About “The Nature of Reality,” and I Am Not Emotionally Prepared

by Marykate Jasper

Image of Netflix's BoJack Horseman (credit: Netflix)

Amazon just ordered a new half-hour animated series from Raphael Bob-Waksberg, the creator of BoJack Horseman, and Kate Purdy, the writer responsible for BoJack episodes like the award-winning “Time’s Arrow.” Titled Undone, the series will “explore[] the elastic nature of reality,” and I am neither emotionally nor existentially prepared for this one.

If you’ve watched BoJack Horseman, you’ll know that it’s ostensibly a pun-filled show about animal-people which doubles as a deeply unsettling show about mental health, the fleeting nature of happiness, and the seeming impossibility of real change. That show repeatedly and routinely fucks me up, and I do not know if I want the people responsible for making me feel all those feelings about cartoon animals to take on a show that is explicitly about “the nature of reality.”

Nope nope nope.

According to the press release, Undone follows Alma, who will be voiced by Rosa Salazar (Alita: Battle Angel), after she gets into a near-fatal car crash. Following the accident, she discovers that she has a new relationship with time, and she uses this ability to find out the truth about her father’s death. Angelique Cabral (Life in Pieces) will voice Alma’s younger sister.

Hisko Hulsing, the Dutch artist behind Montage of Heck, will oversee the production design and the two studios who’ll provide the animation: Amsterdam-based studio Submarine, and Austin-based studio Minnow Mountain. “Hisko’s beautiful artwork and masterful use of light and color will create a look never seen before on a television show,” said Bob-Waksberg, “that will make audiences lose their minds.”

“Kate and Raphael are dynamic and creative forces,”  said Sharon Yguado, Head of Scripted Series, Amazon Studios, “and I know they will create an amazing series for us. I can’t wait for our customers to see it in 2019.”

“We are grateful to Amazon Studios for the opportunity to tell Alma’s story,” said Purdy, “and follow her as she seeks to find a deeper meaning to her existence.”

Oh, no. I’ve seen this team explore that theme before, and it does not end well for ol’ MK.

Undone is expected to premiere at some point in 2019.

(via Polygon and BusinessWire; image: )

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07 Mar 11:21

This Guy Doesn’t Get Why His Girlfriend Needs to Masturbate After Sex & I Think I Just Rolled My Eyes Straight Out of My Head

by Vivian Kane

man girlfriend couple sex masturbates sex advice guardian

A recent article in The Guardian’s sex advice column, Sexual Healing, has gotten a lot of attention after this guy wrote in with a question whose answer seems pretty obvious to everybody but him.

I mean, really, what do you even say to that?

His letter in full reads, “I have been in a relationship for nine months. I thought the sex was good for us both, but when we finish she tells me to shower. I wondered why, and now I know – she masturbates. She has done it multiple times; I think she is insatiable. What should I do?”

The columnist, Pamela Stephenson Connolly, is actually incredibly generous (some might say coddling or perhaps even irresponsible) in her response, suggesting “Many women crave a second orgasm, especially if she has been super-aroused during intercourse.” Now, that is true, as are some of her other points like the fact that many people “find the type of orgasm they have during masturbation (for women, often clitorally focussed) to be qualitatively different from what is experienced during lovemaking.”

Sure, yes, maybe that’s what’s happening here. Maybe this guy is just so thrilling in bed that his girlfriend stays aroused long after they’re done. Sure. … Or maybe the answer is more obvious.

A natural answer to the writer’s question of “What should I do?” is “Ask her!” but it doesn’t sound like the communication between these two is great. Or at all existent. (At least not when it comes to sex.) And–not knowing anything at all about his girlfriend–it’s not hard to see why this guy might not be super easy to talk to about your sexual needs. The shaming inherent in the assumption that her desire to masturbate makes her “insatiable” is unacceptable.

Even if she did climax with him (sure) and she has craved multiple orgasms “multiple times,” a sexual appetite does not indicate the sort of deviance he seems to be implying. And that his mind immediately went to imaging how damaged she must be instead of wondering whether she is truly satisfied with their sex life makes it pretty safe to assume that no, she is not.

A desire for sexual satisfaction is in no way shameful, and while I wish this woman and any woman (any person at all) didn’t feel the need to hide her masturbation, this guy is utterly ridiculous for feeling so scandalized over finding out that she does.

(image: Matthew Henry / Burst)

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07 Mar 11:19

Redditors Share The Reasons They "Noped" Out Of A Date

by Zeon Santos

(Image Link)

Bad dates are often so frustrating, so ego deflating, and so regretful, the bad memory of that horrible night sticks with you for the rest of your life.

But when it comes to bad dates there are many different levels of bad, which can make dating feel like a pyramid scheme:

A few years back I lived in a triplex that was once a large house. My upstairs neighbour was a cute blonde. We were friendly and had chatted in passing in the shared laundry room. We started flirting a bit via text (she had my number with my permission from the landlord due to the fusebox for the whole house being in my unit) and she suggested we go out for drink.

Less than five minutes into our “date” she launched into a pyramid scheme pitch that she called “a great business opportunity.” Cheque please and I left. She was not happy. – Guardian83

If you find yourself on a bad date just remind yourself that you are free to date other people, so don't let the first person you go out with tie you down:

Girl broke down crying mid-park-date.

No big deal, help the girl out. Found out she was crying because she was still in love with her ex. OK fine, this will be the last date, but I can still walk her home like a gentleman.

On the walk home, she starts smiling and swinging our arms saying,”I’ll train you (like a dog) to be like my ex.”

I walked her home, got in my car, texted her that it isn’t going to work, turned off my phone, drove home, and didn’t leave for three days. – CzarKwiecien

And if you're ever feeling sad about all the bad dates you've been on just read some of the responses in this AskReddit thread and you may discover your experiences weren't so bad by comparison:

During the conversation she started talking about a bunch of things I had an interest in, being quite specific. It eventually twigged that she must have checked my Instagram for stuff I liked/did. I figured this was fine since had we met on Tinder or something that’s pretty standard.

I went back to her place and her housemate looked shocked to see me, like, f**king terrified. When we had a moment alone she beckoned me into the hallway and showed me a picture, of me, that was circled in quite a violent fashion and asked me “Is this you?”

Then ensued the most terrifying argument I’ve seen between two women ever at which point I went full nope, left as quickly as physically possible, drove away and did not ask questions. I’m sorta hopeful that there was a reason for it all and it just came off as super weird, rather than the sinister explanation I’d assumed upon seeing it. – whitehousea

See 13 Epic Bad Date Stories You'll Want to Grab a Drink Before Reading Them here

06 Mar 20:46

MÁSCARAS DE LUCHA LIBRE MEXICANA

by chopper_monster

Ángeles que brillan al clamor del público, demonios que vuelan desde las cuerdas, el bien y el mal enfrentados en un cuadrilátero tras una máscara.

Pocos espectáculos han conseguido concentrar en las mentes de sus seguidores la entrega que denota la lucha libre mexicana, un deporte que ocupa la cuarta posición del ring de los más populares de México, un espectáculo a medias entre el deporte y el arte que tiene como Santo Grial la máscara de luchador, el principal símbolo de la lucha libre mexicana.


LUCHA LIBRE MEXICANA

PRESSING CATCH




Ponte una máscara y te sentirás más fuerte. Eso defiende el hijo de quien en 1933 creó la primera máscara de lucha libre mexicana, Don Antonio Torres, el sastre de los luchadores mexicanos.

Otorgue o no superpoderes,  lo cierto es que desde que el hombre tiene conciencia de sí mismo la máscara ha sido una de sus más fieles compañeras, una compañera de mil rostros con quien esconder su verdadera identidad, una compañera independiente que no duda en acudir a la llamada de su amo cuando este la necesita.

Esta es la historia de las máscaras de lucha libre mexicanas, la historia de un talismás de poder a medias entre la fiebre del espectáculo y el misticismo sórdido que se ha convertido en el principal símbolo de un deporte que atraviesa todas la barreras imaginables.

 

Hypocrytes, del griego: el que vive y habla detrás de una máscara


El primer luchador enmascarado

Por extraño que parezca el primer luchador enmascarado no fue mexicano, sino estadounidense. Su historia es confusa, y existe información contradictoria respecto a su origen. Por lo general se comenta que el primer luchador en ocultar su rostro con una máscara fue “El Ciclón” Mackey, en 1933. Pero lo cierto es que existen referencias anteriores a éste, las de Jim Atts y The Mascked Marvel (1917).

Corría el año 1933 cuando Don Salvador Lutteroth Gonzáles visitó Texas. El motivo del viaje no era otro que recoger ideas sobre el pressing catch para posteriormente aplicarlo a la empresa que tenía entre manos, una liga de lucha libre mexicana, la EMLL. Allí quedó asombrado al descubrir a un joven luchador de 27 años que se movía con extrema agilidad, su nombre era Corbin James Massey, conocido en el mundo de los cuadriláteros como el Ciclón Mackay.

Ciclón Mackey

El empresario fichó al Ciclón sin dudar y ese mismo año debutaba en tierras mexicanas. No obtuvo victoria, y tras la derrota decidió encargar una máscara para cubrir su rostro en los combates. Por entonces Don Antonio Torres, sastre de profesión, se dedicaba a fabricar botas de lucha libre para los competidores con muy buena reputación. Ciclón Mackey no dudó en encargársela a él. Pero la primera máscara resultó un fracaso, se movía y era muy fácil de arrebatar por los adversarios.

Don Antonio Martínez

A los pocos meses Ciclón volvió a la sastrería de Antonio Torres para probar nueva fortuna, sabía que si alguien tenía que fabricarlas solo podía ser él, y el sastre se lo tomó como un reto personal. Aplicó la misma metodología que usaba para fabricar botas de lucha, y tomó así 17 medidas distintas de la cabeza del luchador. El resultado fue todo un éxito que pasó a la historia como la primera máscara de lucha libre méxicana, una técnica que se conserva todavía a día de hoy.

En 1934, en el Arena Moreno, actual Arena de México, se dio un combate de lucha libre. En el ring un luchador esperaba a su contrincante, y en las gradas el público aclamaba a gritos al rival. Fue así, entre el clamor de la grada y el misterio, como El Ciclón Mackey apareció ante el asombro de los espectadores luciendo una máscara de lucha que escondía su rostro, la máscara que le dio el nombre de La Maravilla Enmascarada. Ese día la lucha libre mexicana tomaba su propio rumbo. Empezaba así la historia de las máscaras de lucha libre libre mexicana, una tendencia que se convirtió en doctrina y que generó uno de los espectáculos más prolíficos de la historia chicana.



Lucha libre mexicana, un combate entre el bien y el mal

Murcielago Velázquez

Por superficial que parezca, la profundidad de la lucha libre mexicana excede los cálculos de los más sofisticados sociólogos. La serie de combates que comenzó en 1933 continúa sin interrupciones a día de hoy, un síntoma que tiene fácil explicación: le encanta a las masas populares. Un clamor por un espectáculo que sobrepasa todo tipo de canon estético y todo un ejemplo de emulsión cultural que reconstruye el visionario social de un país a golpe de folcrore y misterio.

La lucha libre mexicana surge durante los años 30 después de que Don Salvador Lutteroth Gonzáles viajase a EEUU. Allí presenció una serie de combates entre hombres que interpretaban la escenografía de la lucha olímpica cuerpo a cuerpo bajo una pequeña dosis de ambiente clandestino, ya que, si bien la lucha clásica no permitía golpes directos, la lucha libre incorporaba todo el morbo de las peleas rudas a base de cabezazos y puñetazos.

El interés de Salvador Lutteroth por este espectáculo lo llevó a exportar este tipo de lucha a México el año 1933, año en que se inaugura la lucha libre en ese país, y fecha desde la cual no se ha interrumpido ni un solo combate.

Es inevitable no pensar en la lucha libre mexicana sin los enmascarados. Sin duda, la máscara se ha convertido en un símbolo internacional de este deporte, y raro es quien no vincula lucha libre mexicana a una máscara.

La máscara te permite cambiar de identidad, la protege y la trasciende, la empodera y eleva a través del misterio hasta convertirla en mito. La máscara se apodera de su portador como si tuviera vida propia y congela su rostro en una expresión estática, a veces solemne, a veces amenazadora, y otras trágica. Esta es la esencia que de los antiguos guardan las máscara de lucha libre mexicana, la esencia del mito.

El Santo, El Solitario y Mil Máscaras

El Santo, El Solitario y Mil Máscaras


Los años gloriosos, los 50.

Se conocen los años cincuenta como los prolegómenos de lo que luego sería la edad de oro de la lucha mexicana. Para entonces ya existía una embutida lista de luchadores característicos que nutría de personajes el universo y escenografía de la lucha libre, y cada uno con su máscara.

La interminable lista de luchadores recuerda, si no supera, a la liga de súper héroes de marvel: Ángel blanco, Black Shadow, Blue Demon, Tarzán López, Rey Mendoza, El Santo, El Rayo de Jalisco, Huracán Ramírez, Cabernario Galindo… La lista es interminable.

Entre los luchadores enmascarados se encuentra el bando de los técnicos y el de los rudos, que recrea la eterna batalla librada entre el bien y el mal.

Los luchadores técnicos representan el bien, el juego limpio, las reglas y el cumplimiento. Por otro lado, los rudos, en este caso el mal, escenifican el juego sucio, la improvisación, valores bajos y falta de ética. Y es en esa disputa encarnizada donde se desarrolla el eterno y complejo juego de por quién apostar. Finalmente el bien siempre vence, pero nada sería sin la complejidad de los rudos enmascarados.

El combate más intenso y trágico en la lucha libre mexicana es el de máscara contra máscara, un duelo en el que el perdedor se ve despojado de ella delante del público, un momento que para muchos supone el fin de la carrera del luchador.

Nadie duda del poder místico que la máscara otorga a quien la porta, ni tampoco existe duda sobre el hecho de que se ha convertido en el signo de identidad de la lucha libre mexicana: un espectáculo para muchos, un circo para algunos, y un estilo de vida para pocos.

“No soy más que un fiel servidor de la justicia y el bien”, El Santo.

La entrada MÁSCARAS DE LUCHA LIBRE MEXICANA se publicó primero en choppermonster.

06 Mar 20:25

Ranking All the New 10p Coins, From Best to Worst

by Joel Golby

Here's the new thing the Royal Mint and the Post Office have come up with to keep your dad busy over summer: they've released 26 new 10p coins, ostensibly as collectible items but truly for reasons unknown. "This is my pension, son!" your dad is saying, sat cross-legged on the carpet in front of £100 worth of assorted glimmering 10 pence coins. "This is your inheritance!" (In this scenario you are your dad’s son, or your dad never accepted that you were not a son – he wanted a son, desperately, a miniature version of him to watch football and Top Gear with – and never really related to you coming out as anything other than a son, and so occasionally slips and calls you "son" anyway, like Noel Edmonds howling into the universe and hoping it will actualise his wishes if he speaks his hidden truth). "Son, look!" he says. "This one has James Bond on it!" He’s never been happier, has he, the pathetic little worm.

Anyway, all the 10 pence coins are about Britain, somehow, or being British. There’s our exquisite cuisine (chips) and our, uh, extremely basic infrastructure (zebra crossings?). There’s one that just has cricket on it. A double decker bus. The concept of queuing. Actually – laid out, end-to-end, in alphabetical order or not, the coins paint a deeply depressing picture of British culture or the lack thereof. We basically just like tea and hierarchy, don’t we? What an absolute fucking mess of a country.

I’ll stop messing around now. We all know what we’re here for. HERE ARE THE NEW TEN PENCE PIECES, RANKED:

BEST

ENGLISH BREAKFAST

I’m ranking these across two metrics: how good is the thing represented by the coin? And: how good is the artistic rendering of the aforementioned thing on the coin? And for both reasons here, English Breakfast comes out on top. Firstly, English Breakfasts are absolute A+ sick, don’t even pretend (the beauty of the English Breakfast is its un-beauty: it is a monstrous amount of meat, divided by a swathe of beans, essentially inedible on anything other than a massive hangover, and even the greatest chef on the planet could not make an elegant version of one), plus I absolutely want a 10p coin with a massive fry-up on it. It’s actually absurd that our real, minted money doesn’t already have this on it. Congealed blood formed into a sausage is our only true culture.

LOCH NESS MONSTER

This is good because it’s the only thing exclusively about Scotland on the list, but it’s also not real, is it. The Loch Ness Monster is not a real thing. So essentially what this coin is saying is, "Yes, Scotland, we see you and recognise you as part of Britain. But not enough that your actual cultural artefacts get to be featured on a 10 pence piece. No Irn-Bru pennies for you." And what a bodying that is.

ICE CREAM CONE

You’re eight years old and stood barefoot in the grey–yellow sand of a quiet British beach. The sea lulls lazily in the distance, a hundred miles away. The tide went out the second your dad pulled into the carpark and won’t be in for another nine hours, when it will be home-time. And you could crawl over there to it, couldn’t you – a 20 minute walk, picking yourself through clods of seaweed and unturned razor shells, dip your toes in the frigid North Sea – but you’re not going to. You’re going to stand here, slathered in Factor 50 that seems redundant as the sun isn’t out and the sky is grey above you, and you’re going to dig a big hole.

Your mum: sat in a deckchair doing her crosswords. Your dad: asleep on a big towel. Perhaps you have a brother or sister who keeps trying to make sandcastles with the wet, sloppy sand. Is this good? Are you… having a good time? Some of your friends from school went to Spain this summer, and all you got was four days in Filey. Wind whips sand into your face. Later, you will fall asleep, exhausted, in the fold-down bunk of a caravan. Is this… good? Is this… what holidays are? Your mum is whispering your name. "Hey," she says, holding up a shiny one pound coin. "Hey. Psst. Go get yourself an ice cream." Double cone, double flake. Eat it all to yourself with the white smudging your face. A ten pence piece could never capture the joy.

ANGEL OF THE NORTH

It’s just good to have a statue that isn’t of someone really racist or good at war isn’t it.

NHS

This is a good one because it will be almost entirely defunct in the next couple of years, and then we can wistfully turn these celebratory coins over in our hands and remember the good old days when, if we got ill or shot, we didn’t go bankrupt, and be like, "That was good, wasn’t it—" bleeding from slashes in our faces or necks, vomiting dark blood from a horrid low place within ourselves "—that was good when healthcare was free at the point of use," and then we will count out all our 10p pieces and hand them over, shivering, to a stern-faced nurse-type who works on behalf of some Tory backer-owned healthcare startup, and they will give us a pill we can take that will kill us.

STONEHENGE

Great bunch of lads, the Stonehenge rocks, and most crucially they offer blokes called "Spider" somewhere to go and get high and do fire blowing that isn’t that bench outside your town’s branch of Poundland.

TEA

On one level I truly think enjoying tea in the hyperbolic and near-fetishistic way we do is the most boring facet of our national identity – oh yes, nice cup of tea; shall we have a cup of tea; tea fixes everything, doesn’t it – but when you see some of the shit that’s yet to come, sadly this engraved image of a steaming teapot is in fact one of the better coins in the collection, if you can imagine such a thing. I still maintain that "ooh, tea!" people should be shot and killed for the national benefit, but until this country is under my iron law it won’t happen, will it. Tea is fine but let’s not suck its dick too much.

FISH AND CHIPS

Ah, you’re eight years old again, I’m afraid, and it’s one of those pregnantly sweaty summer days, and you've spent all of it outside, playing, the sweat sticking to your brow and, in turn, the dry dust of the desiccated fields beneath you wicking to it, so you’re hot and dirty and joyous and exhausted, and slowly the sky goes from bright to grey above you and starts to rumble ­– it’s been days since rain, hasn’t it; weeks, it seems – and then that first big drop of it hits you, salty and cold, followed by ten more, and then it’s pelting down, suddenly, and the clouds look purple above you as you sprint home with your arms crossed futile over your head, and when you arrive home your mum rubs your hair with a towel and you sit cross-legged by the TV with that skittering sound of rain on the windows, and your dad’s car pulls up outside the house and someone says, "Ah, dinner’s here," and then you are handed it to unwrap like a jewel: a hot, heavy package of paper, and inside it, vinegar-y chips and a pale hunk of battered cod, buttered bread, heaven on earth.

Anyway, fish and chips are boss, but the design is a bit mad on this one – like: why does it have a visible skeleton? Keep goths out of coin design, 2K18 – which is why it ranks so relatively low.

ZEBRA CROSSING

Fair play to whoever at the Royal Mint was stuck with the exercise of thinking of 26 British things according to the letters of the alphabet, really. 'What do British people like? Hmm: they do really like crossing a mildly busy road while making eye contact with the drivers either side of them to make sure they’re actually going to slow down enough to let them cross. Let’s make a coin of that.'

GREENWICH MEAN TIME

I contend that a 10p coin that celebrates "the concept of time" with this illustration is possibly one of the most mediocre and boring things ever conceived of, and I absolutely will not be collecting it as such.

KING ARTHUR

Cuck

DOUBLE DECKER BUS

'What do British people like? Facelessly sitting on a stacked-up bus, joylessly commuting home from work, silently getting mad at the same person drunkenly eating a McDonald’s across the front two seats' – someone at Royal Mint, apparently.

MACKINTOSH

'What do British people like? Wearing a hardy coat and being rained on so they finally have something to fucking talk about' – someone at Royal Mint, apparently.

ROBIN

'What do British people like? Idk… birds? What’s a bird? [sends office-all e-mail] can anyone think of a bird?' – &c. &c. &c.

OAK TREE

The thing is, when you get up close to a good oak tree – ancient, magnificent, wise and huge, exuding a sort of earthy, healthy smell, put your ear up to the trunk and swear you can feel a creaking, distant sort of heartbeat, thu–dum thu–dum – it’s near-breathtakingly awesome and beautiful, but also sometimes you see a photo of one and you’re like: I could give or take this tree. I am finding it very hard to be horny for this tree right now. And what I am saying is this coin of an O with a leaf wrapped around it doesn’t make me feel much of anything, sorry.

YEOMAN

Yeoman are those little Tower of London lads with the sort of red tunic bullshit going on, who pose for photos with tourists and have little grey beards, and I honestly think if we’re talking about icons of British modern life we’d be better off celebrating, like, Deliveroo riders, or smelting the face of Ant and Dec onto a 10p.

HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT

Ah yes, politicians. Let's honour them with a coin while they steer us out of Europe and lop off all access to housing and salt the earth where public funding once was and spend expense money on duck houses and escorts, cheers a lot.

JUBILEE

The Queen is already on every single coin and every single note, so quite why she needs a 10p celebrating that time she was Queen for so long we gave her a massive nationwide party I don’t really know. But, to be fair, there aren’t many "J" things in this country to be proud of, are there. "Jam"? I'd have a 10p with a jam jar on it, actually. Mary Berry in the background, chomping the whole thing monstrously down in one. I’d absolutely collect that. Why was I not consulted when this was going on.

CRICKET

Only thing more Brexit than putting cricket on a collectible 10p coin is putting a Union Flag on a 10p coin tbqh.

POST BOX

[DRAKE MEME W/ FACE SHUNNING AWAY] Putting a post box on a 10p piece to celebrate Royal Mail and the postal system in general
[DRAKE MEME W/ GLEEFULLY PEACEFUL FACE] Putting a post box with four rough boys on BMXs pouring petrol into it ahead of destroying an entire column of Christmas cards to celebrate anarchy

WORLD WIDE WEB

Nobody calls it the "web" anymore because it’s not 1998 and also it was invented in Switzerland, and YES I am FULLY AWARE I sound like the almost visibly virginal lad at your uni halls first-year flat-wide party ("Axis of Awesome are actually very good, here’s a 40-minute monologue as to why, which will precede me going home and looking at every single photo of you on Facebook, every single one" – me) but come on, man, this is LAZY COIN-MAKING

X MARKS THE SPOT

Proper "running out of shit to think of that can go on a coin", here. Suppose it’s quite difficult to illustrate the concept of xenophobia in such a small coin-sized space.

VILLAGE

There’s nothing more British than a <10,000 population settlement a 30-minute drive from everywhere where they petitioned against opening a Pizza Express, only get broadband one day a week and everyone for some reason is on the council.

UNION FLAG

Your dad, in the kitchen, thick roll of 10p pieces he changed a tenner for down at the newsagent, finally holding this aloft to the glinting sun, yelling a single, clear word: "NIIIIIIIIIIIGEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!"

BOND

Figured out why Bond is popular, and that is he’s basically porn for blokes over the age of 45 who can’t, actually, figure out how to access porn on their laptop without the sound going off and waking everyone in the house up. "He’s doing parkour on a rooftop, look!" your uncle is saying. "Look at that car!" Mentally, he is exactly as stimulated as he would be by footage of a rough, British gang-bang: he just doesn’t realise it. "Man’s man, Bond is," he says, holding his special horny 10p up. "If they cast Idris Elba as him I’m driving the Audi off a bridge."

WORST

QUEUING

This is it, isn’t it; this is the worst one: we, Britons, when sliced up and analysed and spun for particles, this is what tiny grains of culture come out: that we enjoy the rigid unspoken rules of the queue, that we respect the queue above everything else, that we are baffled to the point of annoyance by Pret’s two-queue system, that we love and simultaneously hate nothing more than when someone pushes in a queue ahead of us (hate: that someone has pushed in; love: that we get to say "excuse me!" at them), we spend our lives in queues, we have – all of us – at some point been in a queue that hasn’t been moving and only, 20 minutes later, realised that the queue has no authority, that we are just queuing behind some person, that we never thought to check whether the queue had meaning.

This is us, this is all we have. The country is thousands of years old. We stamped 10ps out to celebrate everything we are. And the main, main thing is: put a man quietly outside a closed shop one time and I, a British person, will stand politely behind him. We’re an absolutely awful nation and have to be put to an end.

@joelgolby

06 Mar 20:15

Some Guy Allegedly Stole Frances McDormand's Oscar and Pretended It Was His

by Drew Schwartz

Aside from a surprising Best Original Screenplay award for Jordan Peele, Sufjan Stevens's fleeting, killer performance, and James Ivory's incredible Timothée Chalamet shirt, this year's Academy Awards were pretty unmemorable. According to the New York Times's Cara Buckley, the real drama went down at the afterparty—where, for a brief, terrifying moment, Frances McDormand's Best Actress Oscar went missing.

The thing vanished from McDormand's side at the Governors Ball while she "had set it down and was chatting," Buckley reports. While Armie Hammer and Luca Guadagnino were busy hugging and Rita Moreno went to town on all the snacks, McDormand tried to track down the golden, dickless man she won for her turn in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Eventually, she gave up hope—"crying emotionally" outside the party before she left with her husband, Joel Coen, USA Today reports.

At some point, according to Buckley, a photographer for Wolfgang Puck (who catered the party) spotted some random guy trying to slip out with McDormand's award—which had been engraved with her name. The photographer reportedly grabbed it from the guy on his way out the door, but the mysterious thief managed to sneak back into the party.

By Sunday night, the LAPD had tracked down the alleged culprit—Terry Bryant—and arrested him on charges of felony grand theft, according to TMZ. The outlet also posted footage of the guy allegedly parading McDormand's Oscar around the afterparty, taking selfies with it and pretending he’d won it himself. “Who wants to tell me congratulations?” he asks in the video.

Ultimately, McDormand got her award back: A few hours after the actress split from the party, her rep told USA Today that "Fran and Oscar are happily reunited and are enjoying an In-N-Out burger together."

As if McDormand didn't already prove Sunday night that she's too pure for our world, she reportedly told security to let the alleged thief go, though apparently the cops decided to arrest someone anyway. You can't really blame them—lord knows no police department wants to wind up with a Three Billboards situation on its hands.

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06 Mar 20:12

Is Anime 'Cool' Now? An Investigation

by Callie Beusman

In my senior year of high school, I became a fan of anime. I was not uncool as a suburban teen—which is to say that I wasn’t a loser, but also everyone thought (half-correctly) that I was a witch who did BDSM spells in my basement and approached me with a sense of general trepidation as a result. Because I was not uncool, I did not advertise my interest in the oft-maligned medium; I would come home from school and watch literal hours of Naruto, a show about adolescent ninjas primarily targeted at boys age 13 to 18, and set my AIM away message to something like “outtttt, hit my cell.”

It has come to my attention in recent days that anime is cool now. I first began to suspect this stunning reversal of fortune a few weeks ago, when I saw several clips of Michael B. Jordan professing his love for the highly stylized form of animated entertainment, and then did a search for every time he had tweeted “Naruto,” as any diligent reporter would. His stance on the genre could not be any clearer: In March of 2011, he tweeted, “Yea I’m into anime I love this shit!”

For the next two years, the Black Panther actor would periodically post updates on the Naruto manga series, mostly reacting with shocked faces—a sentiment I can relate to, as someone who never expected Gaara of the Sand to ascend to the illustrious position of Kazekage. “Sooo Naruto 627,” he tweeted in 2013, which would indicate that he has read literally 627 volumes of a comic book that follows the exploits of a young and impulsive warrior attempting to prove himself to his ninja peers, despite having a demon sealed in his torso. Jordan posted another update shortly afterwards: “Naruto 631,” he wrote, with a thumbs-up. Hell yeah. Still, one could not help but notice the utter paucity of Naruto-related tweets after May of 2013. “He became a heartthrob and had to stop tweeting about anime,” I mused, feeling sympathetic, to a friend.

But I was wrong to be so cynical. A mere week later, Jordan professed his love openly. In response to a tweet accusing him of being 5’9”, living with his parents, and watching anime, he issued a stunning correction: “First of All I’m 6ft and they live with ME, put some respeck on my name. LOL,” he wrote, adding, “aaaand goku & naruto are real ones.” (Facing a subsequent accusation of only liking “mainstream anime,” he nobly replied, “Nah that was a softball for the anime uneducated.”)

As notable as this development may have been, it wouldn’t necessarily make anime cool for the layperson, the same way that normcore didn’t make sweatpants and Tevas fashionable unless you look exactly like a model and are already invited to all the cool parties. Michael B. Jordan liking anime is cool because Michael B. Jordan is extremely cool; as Miles Klee at Mel Magazine put it, “Become not only rich and famous, but one of the most popular stars in Hollywood, all while remaining grounded and humble, but also really good-looking, and you, too, could be a cool anime fan who lives with their parents.”

Jordan’s response to the allegations of loving anime pleased the internet, which promptly settled back into its daily routine of being roiled by fleeting, all-consuming passions and soothed by a procession of memes in turn. Then the unthinkable happened. On Februray 28, 2018, Kim Kardashian proclaimed, “I am obsessed with anime,” sending the anime fans of the world into a frantic state of existential crisis. (“First Michael B. Jordan and now Kim Kardashian.. you can’t take anime from us like this,” one user lamented. “Now that Kim Kardashian and Michael B. Jordan have confirmed that they love anime, normies will try to take it from us,” another warned.)

On her app, Kardashian elaborated on her newfound object of fascination: “The inspo for my pink hair is Japanese anime. I always thought that look was super cute,” she effused in her typical, brightly flat affect. A few days later, she took it to Instagram, writing, “My hair inspo” beneath an extremely sexy image of the character Zero Two from the 2018 series Darling in the Franxx, which comicbook.com describes as “a deep cut.” (This particular show, which follows a boy fighting rapacious beasts by piloting a woman-shaped mecha, was reportedly banned in China for “suggestive situations,” including the fact that “in order to pilot the series' titular Franxx mechs, a boy must grab his female partner's rear end to use the controls.”)

These two are far from the first celebrities to enjoy anime—Kanye West, for instance, once famously tweeted, “No way Spirited Away is better than Akira…NOOO WAY… sorry was just looking through a youtube of top 10 anime films”—but the Kardashian family occupies an unusual place within the matrix of influencers who teach us, as consumers, what to desire, or conversely exasperate and infuriate us by nibbling away at our identities to nourish their own brands like the vultures eternally besieging Prometheus in the days of old. Whenever a Kardashian expresses public interest in something, it’s always for a strategic brand reason; Kim is not the type to update her app just because she believes Goku is a real one. I had to wonder: Now that everyone is suddenly extremely into those tiny Matrix glasses previously beloved by men who wear fedoras when they’re feeling flirty, is liking anime the next big thing?

Confused and tormented, I reached out to a trend forecaster for insight. Is anime cool now? I demanded over email of Kristin Castillo, the VP of strategy at Trendera. “Despite it being around for decades, anime is beginning to gain relevance stateside—although it is still somewhat niche,” she breezily explained. She further characterized “anime culture” as “a bit quirky, but definitely getting cooler.”

With influencers like Kim Kardashian latching onto the trend, she continued, it’s likely that it will spread quickly—especially since Trendera’s 2018 forecast sees “a shift away from subdued minimalist fashion and towards over-the-top maximalism styles” as well as the widespread embrace of “louder, statement-making, globally-inspired fashion.” But Castillo’s prediction came with a caveat: “A possible consequence is that anime may become a less exotic/interesting hobby for long-term fans.”

This would be an obvious and unfortunate tragedy. For now, however, the two camps—Kardashian and anime fan—seem to have reached an uneasy peace. “Whoa,” one user, who goes by hamilton_anime, commented on her photo. “I didn’t know famous people like her actually take the time of day to look at anime.” “It’s almost as if they were normal human beings,” another replied sagely.

06 Mar 19:42

The Difference Between Australia and New Zealand

by Miss Cellania

Jordan Watson of the How To Dad series usually brings us instructional videos on how he interacts with his adorable daughters. But since he became well-known on the internet, he's come across a lot of folks who assume he is Australian. He is not. He is from New Zealand. In this video, Watson explains the differences.

(YouTube link)

Mainly, it's a different country. They don't even share a border. Yet the differences between the US and Canada are still more pronounced from our perspective. You gotta hand it to him, he's doing his best, and he's proud to be a Kiwi. -via reddit 

06 Mar 19:35

'Undetectable' Poisons (And How To Detect Them)

by Zeon Santos

Poison isn't as popular among murderers as it once was, and these days killers prefer guns and other deadly weapons to poison because they're easier to acquire and deliver an instant result.

But if you've pissed off someone with a flair for the dramatic and a healthy passion for antiquated murder mysteries then you may want to watch this SciShow video and learn how to detect the "undetectable" poison they've been feeding you.

It's required viewing if you have a butler in your employ...

(YouTube Link)

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

06 Mar 19:29

A Video Showing What You Can Buy On Amazon From $0.15 To $27,097.97

amazon-prices.jpg This is Amazon Rise, a video created by Daniel Mckee showing what you can buy on Amazon starting at $0.15 (the Simple Drink Straw Cleaner Cleaning Brush five piece kit) and going all the way up to $27,097.97 (the Mega Emergency one year supply of canned food, 153,030 servings, good for twenty people). I just checked my bank account and it looks like I can afford two of the cleaning brush kits provided they're willing to sell me only three of the brushes from the second kit. Keep going for the video.
Thanks to hairless, who agrees Amazon takes advantage of me with those add-on items.
06 Mar 19:28

That's Too Much: Deadlift Causes Crazy Nose Bleed

weightlifting-nose-bleed.jpg This is a video of Mikhail Shivlyakov performing a 426kg (939-pound) deadlift at 2018 Arnold Strongman Classic and getting a gnarly bloody nose in the process. Somebody in the Youtube comments said it's a defense mechanism to protect your brain when your blood pressure is too high, although I have no clue if that's actually true or not because it was a Youtube comment and not an entry in a medical journal. Keep going for the video unless blood makes you queasy (I fainted twice).
Thanks to Zootghost, who's just happy to see some people still know how to give 110%.
06 Mar 19:20

El precio de la leche vuelve a caer en Galicia en el arranque de 2018 y las granjas ya son menos de 8.000

   El precio de la leche ha vuelto a caer en Galicia en el mes de enero respecto a diciembre de 2017 tras medio al año al alza, según los últimos datos publicados por el Ministerio de Agricultura.
06 Mar 19:20

A condena ao 'rei das orquestras' retrata un negocio millonario baseado nun 90% de fraude fiscal

by David Lombao

A Audiencia de Pontevedra condena a Ángel Martínez, Lito a doce anos de cadea e 18 millóns de multa tras considerar probado que o seu grupo empresarial defraudou no IVE, o imposto de sociedades e o IRPF. Segundo a sentenza o empresario, que prevé recorrer ante o Supremo, declarou en dous anos unha facturación de apenas 4 millóns de euros cando a "cifra comprobada" superaba os 50

06 Mar 19:19

As artimañas dos Franco para quedar co Pazo de Meirás

by Miguel Pardo

O informe histórico xurídico encargado pola Deputación da Coruña relata como o ditador, apoiado polas elites franquistas, simulou un acordo cos herdeiros de Pardo Bazán cando estes xa non eran propiearios del tras vender o inmoble á Junta Pro-Pazo dous anos antes.

06 Mar 18:42

'The Big Lebowski' turns 20

by Jason Weisberger

On March 6, 1998, twenty years ago, perhasps the most quote-able movie of all time was released. Tonight, I am watching The Big Lebowski!

06 Mar 18:42

The Dude's 1973 Ford Gran Torino

by Jason Weisberger

The Dude's Gran Torino got a little dinged up. He did get the Creedence tapes back, tho.

This model will tie whatever space you put it in, together.

GreenLight The Dude's 1973 Ford Gran Torino (1:43 Scale) via Amazon

(Thanks, allenk for the reminder.)

06 Mar 09:37

...Cuando la Casa das Asociacións era la antigua estación de mercancías de la capital gallega

by


06 Mar 09:32

4 Modern Dating Trends That Make Your Grandma Say, ‘If I’d Been That Picky, You Never Would Have Been Born’

by Editor

Dating has always been hard. But these days, finding a suitable long-term relationship can seem almost impossible. Well, not according to your Nana! Here are four modern dating trends that will make your grandma say, “If I’d been that picky, honey, you never would have been born.”

 

Phubbing

Ugh. Getting phubbed, the modern phenomenon that is ignored by your date for their phone, is not only annoying – it’s just plain rude. Anyone who will blow you off in favor of relentlessly checking their Twitter feed is not worth pursuing a relationship with. Unless you ask your gramma, who thinks you’re being too persnickety about the issue and should learn to deal with it if you ever want to settle down. That’s what they did back in her day! If she had been this picky, you literally would not be here today.

 

Breadcrumbing

So this guy gives you teeny, tiny bits of affection that he holds back until you’re juuust about ready to give up on him? He’s totally breadcrumbing you! This is one of those contemporary dating ills that’s a sure sign a dude is probably not that interested, and definitely not relationship material, despite your meemaw saying that it just means he’s playing hard to get and you’re being too finicky and things were different when she was looking for a husband. Don’t you want a family?!

 

Stashing

You’re seeing a guy multiple times a week, sleeping over all the time, but he won’t post any pictures of you to his social media or introduce you to any of his friends. You’re being stashed! You’re certain you can find someone better than that, but your Geema obviously disagrees. She thinks you’re gonna be all alone unless you ignore all the bad – like she did with your Grandfather! Your clock is ticking, missy!

 

 

Zombie-ing

We all know what ghosting is. But what’s even worse is the new trend of zombie-ing, or disappearing without a word and then popping back up later on as if nothing ever happened! You deserve better than a zombie, even though your Gam Gam thinks you’re getting a little old to be dictating what you deserve and you should really be less fussy and learn how to see the silver linings in a guy because you don’t have too much time left to be fresh on the market and you don’t want to end up an old maid like her sister Karen who was fussy just like you and missed the boat on getting married and having babies and then died. That’s how Gam Gam did it and she did just fine with Pop Pop!

 

Dating these days can be a huge drag. But now you’ll have no problems spotting these modern dating trends and being too picky about them for your Grandma’s liking. Bubbe knows best!

05 Mar 17:16

How to Be a Tiny Bit Better at Getting Over a Breakup

by Dana Hamilton
Woman Typing Phone Message On Social Network At Night

After my last breakup, it hit me almost immediately: the overwhelming desire to check my now-ex’s Instagram. I understood full well that this wasn’t a whim I should follow — I’d been here before, and I knew that combing through an ex’s Instagram is like picking at a scab that...More »

05 Mar 17:12

O Dado Dadá súmase á febre da comedia improvisada

by Redacción

Desde hai case seis anos, algúns locais hosteleiros da zona vella compostelá permanecen ateigados cada semana para un espectáculo que ten que colgar o cartel de “entradas esgotadas” días antes da función, e non falamos de concertos nin dos populares monólogos. Aínda descoñecida para o gran público -que ao escoitar o seu nome segue preguntando “¿É un monólogo?” ¿É teatro universitario?”- son os que acaban sucumbindo á curiosidade da impro quenes descobren que só é necesario acudir unha vez para entender o concepto: unha representación escénica onde nada do que ocorre está ensaiado, porque as accións e as palabras agroman no momento grazas ao enxeño dos actores e as propostas do público.

A improv, como se denomina no mundo anglosaxón, naceu en Chicago na década dos 60; e a partir de alí clubes como Second City ou Upright Citizens Brigade encargáronse de espallalo por todo o país, formando canteiras das que nacerían iconas televisivas coma o Saturday Night Live ou presentadores da talla de Stephen Colbert. Toda unha institución tamén en Latinoamérica, chegou timídamente a España a principios de século e xa está aquí para quedarse. Compañías como Jamming ou Impromadrid enchen teatros na capital e realizan xiras internacionais. En Santiago os improadictos tiñan ata agora unha cita todos os mércores e venres no Café Camalea, agora mesmo a capital da impro na nosa cidade.

Novas propostas

Os fans están ávidos de novas propostas, porque o que ten a improvisación e que cada día é único e irrepetible, nace e morre na hora e media que dura o show. Iso levou aos membros da nova compañía IMPROvisibles a lanzar o proxecto que estrean esta noite. A súa residencia será o emblemático Dado Dadá, onde poderemos velos cada luns. Un histórico clube da noite compostelá, famoso pola súa aposta pola maxia e as jams de música en directo, e onde actuaron persoeiros da talla de Javier Krahe. Os seus integrantes son Cayetano Lledó, Gandalf Gambarte, Paulo Rubal, Carlos Morales, Jacobo Barros e Victor Castro. Será a primeira vez que a impro se traslade do casco histórico á zona nova da cidade.

O artigo O Dado Dadá súmase á febre da comedia improvisada publicouse primeiro en Nós Televisión.

05 Mar 17:11

O PP considera á familia Franco “lexítima propietaria” das estatuas do Mestre Mateo

by Yuri Carrazoni

Verbas comprometidas do voceiro do PP de Santiago, Agustín Hernández, acerca da situación legal das estatuas de Abraham e Isaac esculpidas polo Mestre Mateo. Após unha breve exposición no Museo da Catedral, as esculturas do Pórtico da Gloria voltaban a pasada semana a mans da familia Franco, que, segundo Agustín Hernández, é a “lexítima propietaria” das pezas até que se aclare a súa situación xurídica. O concelleiro popular defende que o Concello manteña a súa loita administrativa pola propiedade das estatuas, e critica a “inacción” do Goberno de Compostela Aberta ao respecto, ao tempo que expón que “a situación actual é a que é”.

O espolio do ditador volveu copar a actualidade política da cidade. Na mañá deste luns tamén pronunciaban as súas opinións os líderes de PSdeG-PSOE, BNG e Compostela Aberta. Paco Reyes, voceiro socialista, cre que a volta das estatuas ao Pazo de Meirás é unha “provocación” da familia Franco.

Máis crítico no seu discurso foi Rubén Cela, titular do BNG, quen asegura que xa quedou demostrado que o Concello é o “lexítimo dono” das pezas.

Martiño Noriega: “Esta é unha batalla de toda a cidade”

Pola súa banda, o alcalde, Martiño Noriega, agarda que durante o ano 2018 poida producirse unha “sentenza favorable” que axude a Compostela a gañar unha batalla xudicial que é “de toda a cidade”. Sexa como for, a día de hoxe as estatuas de Abraham e Isaac atópanse no interior do Pazo de Meirás e, mentres a Xustiza non diga o contrario, o patrimonio espoliado polo ditador seguirá baixo a tutela das e dos seus descendentes.

O artigo O PP considera á familia Franco “lexítima propietaria” das estatuas do Mestre Mateo publicouse primeiro en Nós Televisión.

05 Mar 16:56

Unha parella citada a declarar na Bretaña por poñer un nome bretón á súa filla

by Redacción
A fiscalía francesa considera que o nome Liam, co que os proxenitores rexistraron a crianza, vai contra os intereses da nena.
05 Mar 16:55

Are Cheaters and Insiders Winning the $50,000 'HQ Trivia' Grand Prize?

by Eli Hodapp

I doubt I'm the only one who is surprised that the HQ Trivia [Free] phenomenon is still going this strong, but with that popularity accusations of cheaters and insiders winning is reaching new heights. In the world of the App Store, it seems like the harder a fad hits, the faster it is to fade. HQ Trivia has seemed oddly immune to that, likely in part to their ever-increasing prize pools. Last night, they played a game with a $50,000 prize pool, ending with six winners who took home $8,333.33 a piece. Needless to say, it's a pretty unbelievable thing to think that can even happen. Imagine just opening up an app because you got a push alert, answering some questions right, and taking home over eight grand!

Unfortunately, once you throw any sort of prize of value into the mix, people suddenly get very motivated to find whatever advantage they can to win the prizes. There's no shortage of HQ Trivia bots out there, and the easiest one to use was HQuack which we've posted about before. It's currently offline, and it really wouldn't surprise me if they got hit with a cease and desist. Github is loaded with bots, although they're all quite a bit more difficult to get working than HQuack was.

The thing with these bots is that the way they work is by using some low-level of AI to read questions from the game then blast them into Google, Wikipedia, and other data sources to try to figure out what the answer is. HQuack claimed to be 85% accurate, and even that seems a little optimistic as a lot of the time questions are phrased in a way that are difficult to directly search for. Of course, that doesn't stop accusations of cheating when over 540,000 people are still watching after losing the game.

This particular instance seems like it might hold more water than the typical "I lost, so everyone else much be cheating" reaction. Last night, Scott Menke, (HQ player smenks13) was part of the winners pool, and his HQ avatar includes a photo with him and HQ Trivia host Scott Rogowsky. This has led to reddit users suggesting there's some sort of inside play happening, which normally I'd write off as "So what, the dude took a selfie with a vaguely famous guy," but folks who have done more research into the identity of smenks13 have determined he even went to the same college as Rogowsky, potentially linking them even closer. All sorts of other conspiracy theories also are flying, including the fact that the winner actually developers quiz games himself, so he might have the skills and know-how to craft some sort of super-bot, even if he wasn't fed answers directly from the HQ host.

As much as I love a good conspiracy theory, reality is usually far more boring. Menke posted a AMA on reddit getting into some of the details of his life. It turns out he's been on Jeopardy and also made an appearance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Additionally, his work history on LinkedIn is filled with positions involving actuarial science and statistics. According to his AMA, the avatar photo came from a holiday party they were both at, additionally, the guy seems to just genuinely be very good at trivia-related things. You don't get on two game shows if you're not.

In the end, are there cheaters and insiders winning HQ Trivia? It's not outside of the realm of possibility, but this one seems legit.

05 Mar 16:53

El ‘rey de las verbenas’ en Galicia, condenado a 12 años de prisión por delito fiscal

by Elisa Lois

El mayor empresario de representaciones musicales en Galicia, Ángel Martínez, Lito, ha sido condenado por la Audiencia de Pontevedra a 12 años de prisión por fraude fiscal y al pago de más de 36 millones de euros. Este es el primer varapalo judicial para el rey de las verbenas, que está involucrado en otros tres procesos, uno de ellos pendiente de sentencia, por investigaciones tributarias de las orquestas con mayor caché que representaba a través de la sociedad Representaciones Lito: Panorama, París Noia y Filadelfia.

Seguir leyendo.

05 Mar 16:53

The Academy Didn’t Have the Guts to Give Get Out Best Picture

by Evan Narcisse

Both Get Out and The Shape of Water are great films about outsiders, made by people from non-white backgrounds. But, Get Out is a lot less comforting, which is probably why it didn’t win Best Picture last night.

Read more...

05 Mar 16:45

A Big Pre-Party Day in an Indian Legal Weed Shop

by Vivek Gopal and Sonal Shah

Much like a hugely gentler version of the Purge, Holi is the one day of the year in which cannabis becomes socially acceptable in India. A popular staple of the festival is bhang, a ground and cooked mash of cannabis leaves and flowers. This is usually stirred into thandai, milk with a concentrated mixture of crushed cashews and almonds, peppercorn and cardamom, and different seeds, like melon, poppy and fennel.

Holi in northern India brings people of all backgrounds together to drink from the same cup and throw coloured powder (and, occasionally, bodily fluids) at each other. Even your teetotaling temple priest yearns for some afternoon delight. On the day before the revelry began this year, at the end of last week, VICE visited "Theka Bhang", one of the few government-licensed bhang shops in the country. Located in Noida, Uttar Pradesh, just outside the Delhi state line, Theka Bhang has been open seven days a week for about 30 years.

Ankit Jaiswal, a younger member of the family that owns the shop, told us that on a usual day he gets about 20 to 30 customers, mostly ayurvedic doctors or people using bhang for medicinal purposes. At five to ten rupees a goli (bhang mixed with ghee and sugar to form a little ball), it is cheaper than anything else "beneficial for people who overthink", says Jaiswal. Obviously, the shop is not the family’s main source of income.

Holi is much busier, with over 100 walk-ins, as well as large orders from multinational corporations holding big events for their staff. The shop also supplies to politicians: Jaiswal said they had just sent a batch to the Uttar Pradesh state house and Rashtrapati Bhavan, the presidential residence. "Everyone celebrates," said Jaiswal. "It’s not Holi without laughter and joking."

But is everyone celebrating?

Shreekrishna Dhadse

A 65-year-old retired civil servant, Shreekrishna Dhadse, had come by to pick up a baggie for his family party while we were talking to Jaiswal. He said the women of his family drink it, too, as well as some of the kids – to an extent. "All the old people and grown-ups [drink it]," he said. "Kids might taste a little. But generally their parents don't allow it."

"I come once a year," Dhadse told us. "We start cooking two or three days earlier, with special dishes like gujiya, papdi, shakar pare, besan ke laddo, namkeen puri…" (Basically, a bunch of sweets and fried things.)

We asked him what makes bhang so enjoyable. "Whatever mood you’re in, that’s the mood you’ll continue in," he replied. "If you’re laughing, you’ll keep laughing. If you’re crying, maybe you remembered something sad, you'll keep crying. You don’t know what you’re doing. The thing with wine and alcohol is that you’re still conscious. Not with bhang. And it lasts for 24 hours. And you feel like eating a lot of sweets."

Dhadse believes the festival has become more restrained compared to when he was a child. "People try to save water, so they use dry colour [powder]," he said. "They don’t fling mud so much. And they don’t force people to play – now, it’s more like playing with people you know."

For Gautam Aggarwal, a retired journalist – who also spent two years as a wandering mendicant – coming to this particular bhang shop is key to a tension-free Holi. "This is the only surviving government-licensed shop in the area," he said. "You're very sure the bhang is clean." And with family and friends getting high together, "you don’t want bad trips".

Ramdas Pookot

Though the celebratory part of Holi hadn’t officially started, several people had already started celebrating when we visited the shop. Ramdas Pookot, a senior general manager in a transport and logistics company, had just thrown a Holi pre-party for his 300 employees. "I'm a leader and I have to give inspiration to my followers," he said. "As a leader, my followers should not follow behind me, because god has given eyes in the front. The followers should move in front, and the leader follow behind."

After dispensing some more management wisdom, Pookot moved on with his small bag of bhang. "I'm taking it for my son," he said. “"He’s a Shiva bhakta and he wants to make thandai. We’ll drink together, we’re just like friends."

In the gully outside the shop, rickshaw pullers and college students mingled with priests and tailors while children threw water balloons at approaching customers from a nearby balcony. Before returning to deal with the throng of men at his counter, Jaiswal told us he thought marijuana would eventually be legalised in India, and be more widely available than at his shop.

"But there are so many other basic issues here," he said, "like khap panchayats [regressive local authorities], LGBT rights – basic natural rights."

Weed could wait. And there's always Holi.

05 Mar 16:40

Do you want these things in your mouth?

by Garciuh

Oh yeah….

THE END

 

 

Also this…

05 Mar 16:27

Festival Atlántica: dous paseos pola Compostela oculta

by magago

Pois como xa sabedes, chega agora en marzo o Festival Atlántica e imos celebrar con el o gusto polas historias! Desta volta, o Festival convidoume a facer dous espectáculos que, outra vez, contan relatos distintos e alternativos de Compostela. Unha Compostela na que sucederon moitas cousas ao longo de mil anos de historia, e nas que non todo, nin moitísimo menos, foi o Apóstolo e o Camiño de Santiago. Os meus espectáculos de narración oral tentan reivindicar a Compostela habitada e vivida: a dos veciños, a humildes pero tamén dos poderosos, a das historias sorprendentes que nos conectan, a das historias incómodas ou dos pequenos relatos do diario. Son espectáculos camiñados, como conversas entre amigos.

Compostela Negra: No rueguen a Dios por el

Por unha banda, debido á enorme demanda que tivo A Compostela Negra o ano pasado, este ano recuncamos. Trátase dun relato sobre os crimes máis sonados de Compostela (nesta ligazón tes unha descrición, pero ollo, que é o post e, polo tanto, as datas, do ano pasado), que realizaremos camiñando pola cidade. Será o 15 de marzo, xoves, ás 18 horas. Podes reservar praza en festivalatlantica@gmail.com e ten un custe de 6€. Atención porque apenas o anunciamos e xa están voando as prazas, así que se queres acompañarme, fai a reserva canto antes.

A Almáciga: cando as periferias explican o mundo

Este é un espectáculo camiñado que me fai moita ilusión facer, xa que vivín no barrio compostelán da Almáciga durante varios anos. Facémolo en colaboración co Centro Xove. Espazo cultural para a mocidade de Compostela que está alí, na Almáciga. Neste paseo descubriremos por que ás veces un lugar aparentemente á marxe dos grandes titulares da cidade vale para explicar toda a evolución do lugar desde hai máis de cincocentos anos. Coñeceremos batallas reais pero tamén simuladas, modelos artísticas improvisadas, relatos de marxinalidade e integración, emigrantes colonizadores, bares inspiradores, ducias de aforcados e un dos grandes segredos da cidade. Asegúrovos que vaivos sorprender o que tal se pode contar deste barrio. Será o 20 de marzo, martes, ás 18.30 horas e podes facer a reserva no Centro Xove da Almáciga, no teléfono 681601960 ou en centros@serviplus.org. É un espectáculo de balde. Teñen prioridade os mozos e mozas de 14 a 35 anos.

E lembra que en Atlántica hai moitos máis espectáculos. Podes consultar o programa completo aquí.

05 Mar 16:25

Fefa Noia, directora do Centro Dramático Galego: “O teatro sen risco, sería teatro morto”

by Pincha

Por Rebeca Munín

O equipo de 'Divinas palabras' durante un ensaio. Foto: Xunta de Galicia

O equipo de ‘Divinas palabras’ durante un ensaio. Foto: Xunta de Galicia

Leva tres anos dirixindo o Centro Dramático Galego (CDG), a compañía pública que ten a súa sede no compostelán Salón Teatro. Fefa Noia traballa por atraer cada vez a un maior número de público e por axudar á formación e promoción dos profesionais galegos do sector. Este ano, a súa programación de actividades céntrase en catro coproducións, os programas de dramaturxias e residencias e na estrea o próximo 12 de abril da primeira versión en galego da obra de Valle-Inclán ‘Divinas palabras’, baixo a dirección de Xesús Ron, de Chévere. (Pode consultarse en detalle aquí).

O lema desta tempada do CDG é  ‘Xa non hai que dicir que chove’. Por que?

Porque apostamos por unha exploración da nosa identidade. Se se ten que facer unha exploración escénica da identidade galega, o Centro Dramático Galego ten que levalo a cabo. E unha revisión desde o punto de vista contemporáneo da identidade galega. Hai determinados tópicos que se converten case en discursos dogmáticos. E nolos venden. E, ás veces, paga a pena pararse, revisalos, e ver realmente con que nos identificamos hoxe en día.

Hai unha necesidade de facelo para o público de hoxe en día

Efectivamente. O teatro, como calquera arte, é un acto comunicativo. E para ter comunicación precisamos receptores. E polo tanto, os que estamos nas fases de produción temos que ter en conta a que publico queremos dirixirnos e como queremos amplialo. Obviamente sendo o CDG trátase dun público galego.

E como atraer a ese público nun mundo no que temos tantas cousas a un alcance moi fácil?

Porque o teatro ten algo… Nalgún momento pasou cando apareceu a televisión que o cine se preocupaba porque a xente ía deixar de ir ao cine por ver a televisión. E nalgún momento pasou que a xente do teatro se preocupaba porque estaba o cine. E non é certo. Non son disciplinas comparables. Unha cousa é unha experiencia cinematográfica, outra é ver a tele na túa casa. E outra é o teatro. O teatro é o único no que tes a certeza de que o que vas ver nese momento non se vai repetir nunca máis. Estanno facendo para ti. Facerse consciente diso xa é moitísimo. E hai outra cousa. Se é unha boa experiencia, marca de por vida. É unha experiencia vital. E iso é un bombonciño! Un tesouro! É o gran poder do teatro. Son momentos irrepetibles.

O do teatro, é un público máis exixente?

Probablemente si. E é bo que sexan exixentes. Cando máis o sexan, mellor será o teatro que se faga. E canto máis se manifeste o público, e máis faga ver que é o que lles interesa, mellor será o teatro, tamén.

Unha das medidas que estades a tomar, é mellorar a accesibilidade do Salón Teatro. 

Hai pequenos cambios, ou que semellan pequenos pero que son grandes, como por exemplo abrir o edificio do teatro moito máis á xente. Todo o que se poida facer nesa dirección vai ser determinante. Por exemplo, comezamos nesta temporada a converter o Salón Teatro nun lugar verdadeiramente accesible. Arquitectónicamente falando xa o é. O seguinte paso será adaptalo ás persoas con capacidade auditiva reducida. Despois, para persoas invidentes. E despois hai moitas particularidades que se poden chegar a cubrir, pero para iso xa hai que ir estudando os grupos concretos e ir vendo máis polo miúdo como podemos achegarnos a eles.

Tamén intendades chegar máis ao público familar, por que?

Porque son os espectadores do futuro! Facemos, por exemplo, os domingos de conciliación. Os pais poden deixar aos rapaces na Fundación Granell facendo un obradoiro de teatro e, mentras tanto, eles veñen a ver a función. E é algo totalmente gratuíto. Esa é unha forma tamén de abrirse a todos os públicos que penso que é unha das funcións do teatro público galego. Por outra banda, temos o ciclo de ‘Gran teatro para os máis pequenos’ que é un dos meus favoritos. Causa moita alegría ver o teatro cheo de nenos. É un público moi activo. Sen filtros. Son espectadores ideais. En Galicia temos moita sorte porque temos grandísimas compañías de teatro familiar. Moitas e moi boas. E iso non se dá en todas partes.

Fefa Noia. Foto: Iván Barreiro.

Fefa Noia. Foto: Iván Barreiro.

A grande produción do CDG deste ano volve a ser unha obra de Valle-Inclán, ‘Divinas palabras’, coa que ademais se salda unha débeda. Cal? 

Si, cando naceu o CDG queríase inaugurar con ‘Divinas palabras’ e non puido ser porque os familiares de Valle-Inclán non permitían que se representase a súa obra en galego. Agora era unha débeda a saldar. De todos os xeitos, para min foi unha gran alegría que fose a elección de Xesús Ron, que é o director artístico da montaxe. Tanto o ano pasado coma este, tiña que ser Valle-Inclán, pero a obra de Valle é moi extensa e podíase facer a escolla entre calquera.

Dicía Xesús Ron durante a presentación da tempada do CDG que a ver se non o destrozaban! 🙂 Hai medo polo que podían facer?

Non, non, non! É un humor típicamente galego! (Risos). O que eu leo das súas palabras é que asumen riscos e iso está moi ben. O teatro sen risco, sería teatro morto.

Supoño que é a maneira tamén de achegarse ao público de hoxe apostando por unha compañía como Chévere.

Totalmente. Chévere é unha das compañías emblemáticas nese sentido. Son Premio Nacional de Teatro, teñen unha calidade indiscutible, exploraron diversidade de formatos, teñen unha dimisión social coa que eu estou moi de acordo, e aliméntana ademais na súa actividade. Pero ademais de todo iso souberon entender que hai que coidar moito aos espectadores e espectadoras.

Ron tamén dixo que había que revitalizar o CDG, que se inaugure unha nova etapa do Salón Teatro, que nos equipare cos grandes teatros europeos. 

Eu estou moi de acordo. Falando do CDG pero tamén da situación da cultura en España. É dicir, precisamos unha aposta máis forte pola cultura. Penso que se está convertendo nun pequeno mal solucionable. Empezou coa crise. Había que facer recortes pero agora se segue a descoidar a cultura en xeral. E verdadeiramente paréceme algo que se pode converter nun mal preocupante pero que aínda ten solución. O que necesitamos é unha aposta cada vez meirande pola cultura.

A vosa é unha profesión bonita pero tamén dura, non si?

Moi dura. É moi fermosa pero moi dura. Profesionalmente falando hai unha dureza implícita no teatro que desde fóra, non tanto noutros países pero si en España, que a xente o ve como unha diversión. A pregunta que escoitamos moito os profesionais do sector é: “E segues facendo teatro?”. Cando a ninguén lle preguntan: “E segues facendo Mediciña?” ou “Segues sendo avogado?”. Facer teatro parece que non é traballar de todo. E non é así. Si é divertido, si é apaixoante, por iso o facemos, pero é moi exixente. Para todos: equipo técnico, deseñadores, directores e directoras, actores e actrices… Esa é unha das durezas do teatro pero hai moitas máis. A inestabilidade laboral. Non podemos aspirar a ser funcionarios do teatro, iso está claro. Pero si que hai determinadas necesidades que se poderían cubrir cun pouco máis de estabilidade.

Falta máis respecto pola profesión, quizais?

Eu penso que falta máis coñecemento. Penso que a xente nos respecta pero nos respectaría máis se soubese verdadeiramente do que se trata. Por iso falo de abrir as portas do teatro. Por iso que os nenos e as nenas veñen ao teatro é algo moi bo. R que o vexan como algo propio, que suban ao escenario, e que entendan que o señor ou a señora que estivo contándolles o conto está suado.  

En canto aos dramaturgos, queda moito talento galego por explotar?

Si. Eu falo do que coñezo que é Galicia, pero supoño que noutros sitios tamén. Pero hai moitísimo talento. E máis que por explotar. Igual o que queda é ampliar a visibilidade. Por exemplo, no programa de Dramaturxente facemos unha colaboración cunha produtora de Madrid para que no Torneo de Dramaturxia que fan anualmente leven a un autor o autora galega. Eu falo con esta produtora para facerlles as propostas de posibles autores e autoras e a metade dos nomes non lles soan. Iso temos que solventalo tamén.

La entrada Fefa Noia, directora do Centro Dramático Galego: “O teatro sen risco, sería teatro morto” se publicó primero en Pincha.