Snob

1. Observe The Expiration Date

You have a week. Two days to a week to chat with me before deciding to meet. This is a dating app, not a friend app, not an I’m lonely and need to chat or practice my lady skills app. A dating app for those interested in dating. So make moves.

2. Be Proactive

Given that you had a clever, yet unexpected intro and we have now been chatting for a day or two (or a week, you do have a week) and you’ve concluded that I’m not obviously awkward, annoying, dumb or unstable, you then suggest we “grab a drink since we’re only like 3 miles away.” At this point, once the talks of meetings have commenced, you MUST ask for my phone number. I’m already exhausted from the courage of downloading the app in the first place, then actually using it, swiping right when I saw your face, and finally engaging in conversation with you, that the least you could do for the both of us is give me your digits or ask for mine so we can pretend with ourselves, and to anyone who peeps onto our screens, that we’re just texting another love interest. You know, the kind you meet in the physical world.

3. Think Of Chivalry As On Its Death Bed

Boys. In vulnerable and somewhat shameful situations such as Tindering we must go back to basics, to the stereotypes, the gender roles, the chivalry and all that our generation tries desperately to dismiss. Make a plan. You are allowed to ask the following of me : “What area you do you live in?” and “Does BLANK day work for you?” After information has been gathered suggest a time and place and see if that works for me. Do not—DO NOT—whip out the, “So, do you have any ideas of where we could go?” You asked me out, so you make that plan—that goes for anyone, any gender, anywhere in the dating world. You ask, you plan. Second, I’m probably already a bit timid about meeting a stranger on a dating app so don’t make me work for it. Please. You—the guy—due to arbitrary reasons that go back hundreds of years, are supposed to take initiative, make the plan, and “court” me. I, the girl, risk foolishness and feeling pathetic when being the aggressor since it’s not expected of me, and I sure as hell don’t want to get all ballsy and forward-thinking, sexy, vixen-dominatrix with you on Tinder, of all places.

4. Steer Clear Of The Resurrection:

Clearly I’ve indulged in the app since its launch, and with that indulgence I’ve gained experience and experiences that have made me uncomfortable. There is one experience in particular that I will call the The Ressurection. I’ve Tindered, chatted, met, dated, and either lost interest or fell victim to the classic Houdini—that disappearing dude, who, regardless of how interested I was or wasn’t, never fails to stunt the ego. Anyway, once my love interest has vanished either by my doing or his, I’ve experienced (multiple times) his resurrection…on Tinder! It is one thing to come back to a distanced lover in the real world, text me, drunk calls, whatever, but to come back after we’ve real-person dated after meeting on Tinder, to then come back to me via Tinder is inexcusable. After I ignored a series of text messages from an ex-tinder lover, I received a Tinder message from said lover that read, “Hey how’s this Tinder thing working out for you?” Tinder is not another way to get in touch. It is not like Facebook chatting an ex. Seriously. Just don’t. Don’t resurface on Tinder.

"Every year since 1979, madrileños young and old have lined the streets, craning their necks for 15 minutes each hour to see the Cortylandia show – music, blinking lights and singing puppets different every year. Celebrating Christmas in Madrid is incomplete without seeing Cortylandia."

"Every year the big department chain Corte Inglés presents the Cortylandia for Christmas. One store precisely, the Corte Inglés de Preciados, sets up the city's most visited Christmas spectacle. Memorable Cortylandia displays include a giant sparkly version of the ubiquitous Don Quixote (1989) and a 15-ton King Kong (2005)."

Although the display changes yearly, the song remains the same:

Cortylandia, Cortylandia
Vamos todos a cantar
Alegría en estas fechas*
Porque ya es Navidad

*It sounds like "fiestas" but all the sources I could find said "fechas".

When the music starts on the top of the hour, children are hoisted onto shoulders and stare at the singing display having an experience that can only be described as "sublime" as everyone dances and sings along with the denizens of Cortylandia in an effervescent burst of joy and consumerism.

Please forgive the quality of some of these videos -- they are done by amateurs who wish only to revel in and share the spirit of Cortylandia.

This year's Cortylandia (Feel free to skip ahead -- nothing happens for about the first two minutes.)

Cortylandia 2012

Cortylandia 2011

Cortylandia 2010 -- a phenomenal assortment of world landmarks and stereotypes (this might be the most amazing)

Cortylandia 2009

Cortylandia 2008

Cortylandia 2007

Cortylandia 2006

Lil Bub in front of a fireplace. For an hour! It's the new Fireplace for Your Home.

[See also: VICE's Top 50 Albums of 2013]

We live in a very uncritical artistic climate. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the nauseating world of music criticism. I've worked in this industry for a little while, and there's a prevailing sentiment that music critics who don’t have anything nice to say shouldn’t say anything at all, and that it’s more important to shine a light on the good in the world than call bullshit when you hear it. This is compounded by musicians, who are tiny babies who can't take the slightest criticism, opting for a fantasy world where they've never made a bad song in their entire pointless careers.

This may sound like a non-sequitor, but here’s a fun thought experiment a friend taught me—try to think of the most popular song in the country right now. Go ahead, try. You can’t do it, can you? That's because, as 2013 rounds to a close, no one ever has to listen to anything they don’t want to. We're encouraged to build a dumb little sonic cocoon, an insulated baby-bubble filled with all the perfect little albums and singles we can fit on our mobile devices. And when we don't need to rely on broadcasters like MTV or Power 105.1 for our new music, it becomes harder and harder to figure out what the hell we're supposed to rebel against. And I'm mad about it, dammit!

Anyway, there's not much anyone can do about this stuff. If I had to venture a guess, I'd imagine the quality of popular music will continue to plummet farther and farther down the toilet. All we can do on the way down is point out a stinker when we hear one, so here's a handy guide to 50 pieces of sonic lemur shit released (or reissued) in the past year.

 

50.

BLINK-182
Take Off Your Pants and Jacket (Deluxe Reissue Edition)
ShopRadioCast

A few weeks back, alcohol told my brain it’d be funny to make this Album of the Month, and right now I’m all about reevaluating shit I used to hate and realizing what an idiot I was. (To put things into perspective, I used to hate Nirvana.) Anyway, I was hoping that listening to this record after 12 years of avoidance would age it like a truffle rustled from the fertile soil of Montferrat by pigs bred solely for this purpose. Unfortunately the experience was more like spraying André Sparkling Strawberry on a pile of burning hair.

BENJAMIN SHAPIRO

49.

30 SECONDS TO MARS
Love Lust Faith + Dreams
Virgin/EMI

Last month, someone in digital marketing tried to “intro” me to a flack on 30 Seconds to Mars’s PR team. He wanted to discuss “potential opps.” In other words, VICE is looking for some bright and fresh faces in our marketing department. Résumés can be sent to careers@vice.com.

BONES JUSTICE

48.

YOUTH LAGOON
Wonderous Bughouse
Fat Possum

The guy in this band appears to be roughly 15 years old, which is so annoying it might just give me shingles. When super young people are ambitious, doesn’t it make you want to hit them in the face with a piece of driftwood? Youth is for eating snacks and getting fat, or, if you’re a terrible person, making babies while acquiring incurable STDs. Teenagers are NOT supposed to make music that literally sounds like nothing that you will ever remember past the amount of time it takes to eat a microwaved taquito. Congrats on being ambitious, young man, but maybe take it easy for a bit and try again when you’ve lived a little and have been disappointed a whole lot. You’ll have a lot more stuff to say.

INDIAN BUMMER

47.

BAD RELIGION
Christmas Songs
Epitaph

I really hate this. I don’t know what Bad Religion is thinking, but there’s no such thing as God. All this music and culture are distractions from the very real horror of human violence and depravity that squirms like a bed of writhing snakes under society’s civil veneer. Law and order is a collective dream we can awaken from at any time. Soon there will come a day when the poor and downtrodden will no longer be placated with food stamps; instead they will sup on your entrails and blood, boiling your premature babies in a cauldron of bullion and duck fat. You’re dialing 911, but I have different numbers: 9mm, 12 gauge, and AR-15. It’s gonna make The Turner Diaries look like The Wizard of Oz.

BRADLEY “DIRTBOMB” BANKS

46.

EXHUMED
Necrocracy
Relapse

I like thrashy, splatter-oriented deathgrind as much as the next guy, but I’m partial to bands like Blue Holocaust or early Regurgitate who at least had the sense of purpose to pitch-shift their vocals and degrade their recordings to the point where entire records sound like a flailing high-pressure vomit hose spraying inside a BDSM dungeon… forever. Exhumed came close on that one split with Hemdale, but by now they’re basically the Steely Dan of gore, the singer doesn’t sound like Butterball anymore, and you can probably fine-tune your sound system to this polished garbage.

BSHAP

45.

YAMANTAKA//SONIC TITAN
UZU
Suicide Squeeze

Our music site Noisey really likes these guys, but man, things must be straight-up apocalyptic in post-Grimes Montreal if you have to play Sino-Indian prog in Noh costumes just to get a publicist. Guess we have a difference of opinion here, and you know what they say about opinions: they’re like terrible bands these days, everyone’s got one.

SLEUTH “JUICY” LOOSELY

44.

LEGS
Pass The Ringo
Loglady

Oh, I see, you named your album Pass the Ringo because you audibly have theeeee BIGGEST boner for the Beatles and it’s so sensitive that even the very most distant glimmer of a bowl cut creates a creamy explosion in the front of your pants, right? I’m thinking that maybe you could have saved a shit ton of money on publicists and whatever else went into making this album, if you’d, instead, invested in a therapist. Or a girlfriend. Or personality lessons. I don’t like you.

HEY SALLY

43.

DOLDRUMS
Lesser Evil
Arbutus

As of late, Arbutus Records has been behind a lot of really incredible artists in Montreal. This album is the inevitable bummer. It’s the musical equivalent of seeing a box with air holes under the Christmas tree and opening it to find nothing but a handful of toilet paper crumblies that Grimes brushed out of the folds of her vagina lips and surrounding muff.

GIRL REPORTER

42.

CRYSTAL ANTLERS
Nothing Is Real
Innovative Leisure

The press release for this record mentions Los Angeles about 54 times, which is about 54 times too many (AY-OH!). But seriously though, it’s all about how they live in LA, signed to a great LA label, record in LA at the singer’s home studio, how they’ve played FYF Fest a bunch of times (in, you guessed it, LA), and they’re just crazy about the scene out there. Cool! Go choke on an avocado, fuck-os. This record has no teeth, and that’s probably because they live in… LA. Don’t get me wrong, the weather’s great, but the only people I like there have already lived and succeeded in New York for a substantial period of time. Those who haven’t and think it’s so great: I invite you to come out east and get shanked in the face when you take too long fixing your coffee at the milk-and-sugar station.

WILE E. CHODEY

41.

IGGY POP
Ready To Die
Fat Possum

Every few years, Iggy Pop makes a new record, and it gets promoted. So he goes and plays shows, and then it’s promptly forgotten. This one’s good but doesn’t break that pattern. A lot of these songs are really fun, but none of them have any sort of progression. Mostly they just begin and then repeat the same thing until the song’s over. Ultimately, this record doesn’t compare favorably with the Stooges’ early records, i.e., the greatest rock records ever made. If I were rude I’d say, yes, they sound ready to die.

BUTT TOWN

40.

FRANZ FERDINAND
Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action
Domino

Did you know Franz Ferdinand’s fourth album was a dub version of their third album? Did you know they even had four albums? Unbeknownst to those of us who aren’t teenagers from Glasgow, the Franzes have apparently been engaged in some soul-searching over the past decade. Aside from being an annoying throw to Buddhism, Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action is an angsty account of the band’s struggle with (you guessed it) mediocrity. There are a few tolerable songs, but the rest are obnoxious, and there’s a track called “Treason! Animals.” Pass, and then pass some gas.

GAVRILO PRINCIP

39.

MATT PRYOR
Wrist Slitter
Rory

Matt Pryor is the guy from the Get Up Kids, and this record is called Wrist Slitter. Low-hanging fruit, I know, so I’m just going to take the high road and say this album does not, in fact, make me want to slit my wrists. It kind of just sounds like another Get Up Kids record, which just makes me want to cut up this CD so I can stab the members of said band in the larynx so their creative afterbirth can’t hurt anyone else.

SALLY

37.

MILEY CYRUS
Bangerz
RCA

Come on. You really want VICE’s honest review of a Miley Cyrus album? Let’s cut to the chase: another review of Bangerz as phoned-in genero-pop. Defensive, sanctimonious contestation that review is more focused on Miley’s private cum public life than an “actually pretty OK pop album.” Rebuttal that just because someone can shamelessly throw enough money around to fart out a few undeniable hits doesn’t mean they deserve accolades. Abrupt, defensive outro citing the entire review as folly in and of itself. Smug self-satisfaction. There. Was that as good for you as it was for me? My tongue is turned sideways, wedged firmly in the crevice of a confused tween. Does that help?

LOU PEARLMAN’S PUBIC WIG

36.

TEGAN AND SARA
Heartthrob
Warner Bros.

Look. I’m a girl who likes to put her face on other girls’ faces and crotches. Does it even matter what I think about this album or if I actually listened to it? Sorry, Quin twins—I can’t hear you over my girlfriend’s inner thighs pressed against my ears.

BABY DOMME

 

35.

COMPLICATED UNIVERSAL CUM
Hello Exit Harmony
Questions & Answers

You know, I realize some bands think that including the word “cum” in their name is an easy way to get people to listen their music. But if I could offer these convoluted spermatozoa a lesson, it would be this: It’s a major letdown when you name yourself after jism and your music is so self-absorbed and jagoffy that it completely subtracts from its initial jizzy intent. Guys, soothing horn and 70s “space rock” have never made anyone come, ever. This was proved 40 years ago. Time to move on.

RYAN GOSLING

34.

MIC RIPZ
The One Inch Punch
Dead People Ink

If you’re a white rapper, you’d better have a “thing.” Eminem’s is that he is a terrible, fucked-up person. Bubba Sparxxx’s is that he is a redneck. El-P is pretty concerned about aliens descending from space and taking us over. I guess this MiC RipZ’s shtick is that he totally sucks ass? Doesn’t seem like a good move to me, but what do I know?

MIKE CHECK

33.

GUIDED BY VOICES
English Little League
Fire

I love the part in A Charlie Brown Christmas when Schroeder is trying to play “Jingle Bells” on his piano for Lucy, and she’s like, “Nein, nein. Ich meine, ‘Jingle Bells.’ Sie wissen, ‘Deck the Halls,’ und so weiter. Sie verstehen gar nicht.” It’s so damn funny because they are all the same (obviously), but she prefers the stripped-down, no-frills version, which, yeah, is the best. And it’s somewhat ironic because Lucy, like most of the other Peanuts characters, is informed by the status quo: the more money you have, and things you can buy at Christmas, the better. Her love for the atonal, minimal version of “Jingle Bells,” however, casts her in a Marxist light and, I think, reinforces how much of a pussy Charlie Brown is. Anyway, that’s what this album made me think of.

DREAD MORTIMER

32.

BATHS
Obsidian
Anticon

Listen up, Baths dude. Your lyrics sound like Robert Smith’s seventh-grade diary. “Where is God when you hate him most?” She’s probably stabbing herself in her God-dick for boning the earth’s vagina and creating your species. (What, you didn’t know the Almighty is a hermaphrodite?) Are you sure you want to be asking her questions like that? Because the truth is that she’s probably just avoiding you, wishing she could snag the instrumentals from this album—the ones that don’t involve you scat-singing—and sell that shit on eBay for a bag of weed.

TONY BARMAN

31.

oOoOO
Without Your Love
Nihjgt Feelings

Hey, oOoOO. It's me, Christian. Listen, I think you guys should really consider changing your name. The thing about language is that, most of the time, it's meant to be used as communication verbally, not to look cool in an instant-message conversation. When the people around me at the public library asked me what I was listening to at such a high volume, it was kind of awkward to look back at them, a dead look in my eyes, and simply say, "OoOooOOooh" (extra Os added for effect), mimicking a broken ambulance siren. It didn't help that your music sounds like something Buffalo Bill would listen to if his sex dungeon were in a Bushwick railroad apartment in 2007. Just a thought. Thanks!

CHRISTIAN STORM

by Megh Wright

It looks like the wait for the long-rumored Zoolander sequel has just gotten longer. In an interview with ShortList Magazine, Ben Stiller had the following to say about the next time he'll play Derek on the big screen:

What’s the latest on Zoolander 2? Will it ever happen?

Right now, it’s on hold. There’s a script we like, but I don’t want to force it, because people who love that movie really love it, so I want to make sure we do the sequel the right way. Mike Myers did it well with the Austin Powers movies – they were all funny, and very ‘of their time’. And Zoolander is ‘of its time’, too, so it’s about how we could bring it up to date, to the present day.

Presumably, Derek will be rolling out ‘Blue Steel’ again in the sequel…

Not ‘Blue Steel’ again, no. He’s got a new look. I think part of the sequel will be about how the fashion world moves so quickly. So, the movie will begin at a time when the whole world has moved on from Derek and Hansel because they’re so ancient history. It’s about them having to reinvent themselves and try to become relevant again.

How very meta. Zoolander has a unique history as one of the first big comedies to be released after 9/11; it understandably didn't perform well at the theaters but went on to gain a huge cult following. In addition to the movie sequel, there have been on-and-off updates about the animated Zoolander series (titled Billy Glimmer: Entertainer of the Century) as well, but a release date for the series has not yet been set. While a Zoolander sequel isn't exactly necessary, it's a good sign that Stiller prefers to take his time with it rather than rush it to the screen. If there's one thing he learned from the release of the first movie, it's that timing is everything.

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Thanks sg

 

ECC Ediciones ha subtitulado en su canal de YouTube el primero de los episodios de DC All Access, una serie de reportajes de autopromoción producidos por DC Entertaiment para la misma plataforma, y anuncia su intención de ir ofreciendo el resto bajo el título DC por dentro. Una buena iniciativa por parte de la editorial barcelonesa

El artículo DC por dentro: episodio 1 con subtítulos en español apareció primero en GenComics.

En galego xeneralizouse este castelanismo para definir un mal endémico referido a calidades morais. Habitual na linguaxe política, debemos substituílo en todos os casos.

Malia o lingüista galego Benigno Fernández considerar emparentadas lacre e lacra, ese termo non está claro nin se albisca que relación pode ter a substancia resinosa tinxida de vermello que se usa para fechar cartas e marcar outros obxectos cun defecto físico ou a secuela dunha enfermidade. Extremando as cousas podemos dicir que un doente leva un lacre figurado do seu mal e dese lacre… a lacra.

O caso é que en galego debemos empregar palabras propias como mal. “La lacra de la droga”. “O mal da droga”. Tamén podemos utilizar termos médicos en sentido figurado, desde doenza, epidemia ou os máis dramáticos gangrena ou cancro.

Aínda que na lingua común non se usa, no castelán lacra define tamén as secuelas ou os defectos físicos ou morais de alguén. De traducirmos unha frase que conteña ese significado podemos utilizar secuela, marca, cicatriz ou fallo, eiva ou falta segundo conveña.

 

En la rehabilitación del vaso se resolvieron los problemas de filtraciones y se retiró el cierre perimetral del espacio

O Apalpador comeza a visitar as cidades galegas. Compostela disfrutará, un ano máis, da "Procesión da Santa Bolaña".

O picheleiro típico é um animal que para nom parecer subnormal vê-se na obriga de praticar umha sorte de cegueira selectiva que lhe permita, por exemplo, passar por diante da fachada do Obraidoro sem prestar-lhe a mais mínima atençom. Isto nom é mais que um simples recurso de supervivência, por que a ver quem é o listo que pode fazer umha vida normal se a cada passo fica apapahostiado admirando tal ou qual detalhe rechamante entre tanto monumento histórico-artístico.

Mas por vezes a nossa cegueira selectiva apaga e por um instante reparamos nalgum detalhe que nos obriga a fazer-nos a pergunta coa que começarom tantas vocaçons de historiador: PARA QUE CARALHO PORIAM ISSO AI?

A image que acompanha este post é um magnífico exemplo de esse tipo de detalhes.

Como podedes ver trata-se dum dintel dumha porta adornado com unhas figuras bastante macabras. A porta em questom abre-se no muro que cerca o terreio anexo à capela da Nossa Sra. da Pastoriza, no bairro dos Basquinhos, e, como podedes comprobar se botades umha olhada no google.maps, tras dela nom há mais que um baldio. Mas nom sempre foi assim. Em tempos o muro cercou um cemitério, o que explica as caliveras e toda a parfernália funerária da porta.

O terreio já se vinha empregando como lugar de enterramento desde o século XVIII mas é com umha orde municipal de Dezembro de 1813 quando passe a ter o status oficial de “cemitério provisório”. Nessas datas o Concelho de Santiago punha-se a sério com a laboura de sacar os mortos do centro da cidade e, ante a falta dum grande espaço para criar um “cemitério geral”, designou umha série de campo-santos fora do recinto amuralhado da cidade para ir safando.

O da Pastoriza funcionava como cemitério da paróquia de Sam Miguel dos Agros, que por aquele entom abrangia um território muito maior que o actual, e como bônus estabeleceu-se que funcionara também como “cemitério de ajustiçados”. Ou seja, que todo condenado a morte ao que se lhe aplicara a pena na cidade teria que ser enterrado aqui.

Esta condiçom de “cemitério de ajustiçados” foi o que provocou que lá polos tempos da primeira guerra carlista (1833-1840) foram enterrados nele 59 integrantes de partidas guerrilheiras tradicionalistas (aqui tedes a listagem completa http://www.galiciana.bibliotecadegalicia.xunta.es/gl/catalogo_imagenes/grupo.cmd?path=1006909&idBusqueda=139&presentacion=pagina&posicion=1). Fuzilados a maior parte deles no já desaparecido quartel de Santa Isabel, que ocupava o espaço no que agora se levantam várias instalaçons desportivas municipais.

Entre essa moreia de fuzilados atopamos até oito curas incluindo um membro do cábido catedralício, o coengo-cardeal Francisco Maria de Gorostidi. O que nom sorprende posto que a cúria catedralícia estava implicada até o pescoço na sediçom carlista. De facto o mesmíssimo arcebispo, Rafael de Vélez, foi desterrado por ter-lhe dado apoio e cobertura.

O cemitério continuou funcionando ao longo do XIX, sendo clausurado a finais desse século fazendo honor à fermossa tradiçom compostelana de alongar ao máximo a vida das infraestuturas “provisórias”.

Já a começos do século XX os únicos que miravam polo cemitério eram os carlistas, especialmente desde que em 1895 o pretendente Carlos VII institui-se o 10 de Março como dia dos “Mártires da Tradiçom”. Desde aquela até praticamente hoje em dia vem-se celebrando umha misa anual na capela da Pastoriza em memória dos carlistas aqui soterrados.

(Se tedes muita curiosidade aqui tedes umha ligaçom na que podedes ver como foi a misa de 2009 http://unavocelacoruna.blogspot.com.es/2009/03/martires-de-la-tradicion-misa.html)

Polo que toca ao comum dos picheleiros a relaçom com o cemitério clausurado foi perdendo intensidade, ainda que segundo contam os jornais da época entre os últimos anos do XIX e começos do XX houvo várias ocasons nas que alguém lhe atopou uso como “vertedoiro ilegal” de fetos e neonatos mortos (como podedes ler aqui http://www.galiciana.bibliotecadegalicia.xunta.es/gl/catalogo_imagenes/grupo.cmd?path=1075778&idBusqueda=131&presentacion=pagina&posicion=1 e aqui http://www.galiciana.bibliotecadegalicia.xunta.es/gl/catalogo_imagenes/grupo.cmd?path=1068246&idBusqueda=138&presentacion=pagina&posicion=2).

Mas finalmente até esta desagradável funçom também se foi perdendo e o velho cemitério passou a ser um mais desses espaços esquecidos dos que a maior parte da gente nem tam siquer suspeita a sua existência.

The stress of the Christmas season can make normal people go all weird. But the converse is true, too: Christmas can make weird people act almost normal! John Waters, the filmmaker behind Pink Flamingos and Hairspray, loves Christmas so much he throws a Christmas party every years and even makes his own Christmas cards. He says,

“Christmas cards are your first duty and you must send one (with a personal, handwritten message) to every single person you ever met, no matter how briefly.” And of course, “you must make your own cards by hand. ‘I don’t have time’ you may whine, but since the whole purpose of life is Christmas, you’d better make time, buster.”

Not that the Christmas cards are "normal." Waters' card shown here is from 2006, featuring his real mug shot. Another year, each card was accompanied by a dead cockroach. Read more about Waters' Christmas traditions at Open Culture. -via Everlasting Blort

Radio streaming platform TuneIn analyzed what food stories were gabbed about most over the past year, and used the data to name the top 7 food moments of 2013, from the return of spooky cereals to sriracha EVERYWHERE.  I think you all know what number 1 is going to be.

7. Limited edition monster-themed breakfast cereals

“The Big Three” General Mills cereals—Count Chocula, Franken Berry and Boo Berry—first debuted in the ‘70s, were re-launched for the first time in over thirty years, on Halloween night, 2013. Not surprisingly, the cereals have a massive cult following rivalling Lady Gaga’s band of “little monsters.”

6. Cicada Invasion 

Your eyes are not deceiving you:  the massive cicada invasion that hit the East Coast in July 2013, “spawned” some pretty interested food creations, most notably the BLTC (bacon, lettuce, tomato and cicada). Of course, ES was eating these babies the last time they came up from the earth!

5. Smart Phone Food Photography

2013 was the year of food porn. Maybe we have Instagram to blame, but the number of food photographs reached a new high this year.

4. Sriracha

Everyone knows “rooster sauce,” but few know the backstory. Sriracha became a refrigerator staple this year due to countless creative sriracha recipes–our favorite: Sriracha fudge popsicles. There’s even a Sriracha movie now.

3. Thanksgivukkah

For the first time in EVER, Thanksgiving and Hanukkah converged on the same day in 2013. The newly christened holiday won’t happen again until the year 79811—so go get your menurkey collector’s items while they last.

2. The Ramen Burger

Picture this: a juicy cut of prime beef is sandwiched between two ramen noodle buns, slathered with secret sauce, scallions and arugula. Yep—enough said.

1. The Cronut

Few words have the power to start a revolution, but it seems that in 2013 the“Cronut” became a revolutionary delicacy beyond bakery-owner Dominque Ansel’s wildest dreams when he created it in June of 2013 (the number of dentist visits also took off).·     

Listen to the full stories at TuneIn.

Justo cuando las cadenas empezaban a consolidar una oferta diferenciada y tematizada en la marabunta de la TDT, el Tribunal Supremo ha invalidado la concesión del reparto de licencias de canales de Televisión Digital Terrestre. En total, nueve canales deberán desaparecer en el plazo de dos meses.

Mediaset (Telecinco y Cuatro) perderán dos (posiblemente la 7 y la recién nacida Nueve), Vocento y Unidad Editorial también se quedan sin dos cada una (frecuencias que tienen alquiladas a canales como Paramount, Disney Channel, Discovery Max, Intereconomía o 13TV) y el grupo Atresmedia (Antena 3 y La Sexta), el más afectado,  deberá cesar las emisiones de tres canales (Xplora, La Sexta 3 y Nitro, en el punto de mira).

• ¿Cómo hemos llegado a esta situación?

El Tribunal Supremo sentenció que el reparto de licencias de 2010 no se realizó como establece la Ley General de Comunicación Audiovisual: a través de un concurso público. El gobierno de Zapatero, para agilizar, decidió repartir las frecuencias libres entre las empresas que ya tenían licencia y experiencia en emisión. Es decir, amplió el número de canales a las empresas que ya disponían de canal.

Pero cuando se tomó esta decisión nadie se percató de que se estaban ocupando frecuencias del espacio radioeléctrico que necesitaban las compañías de telefonía móvil para lo que se denomina el Dividendo Digital, clave en la implantación de la tecnología 4G.

• ¿Qué consecuencias tiene esta medida?

Con la recesión económica que vivimos, el mal momento de inversión publicitaria y la peliaguda situación de nuestras televisiones, la supresión de nueve canales castiga a los grupos de comunicación que más han invertido en lanzar cadenas con unas marcas diferenciadas, especialmente Atresmedia, que tendrá que olvidarse de tres temáticos de su familia de canales: Neox, Nitro, Xplora, Nova o La Sexta 3 Todo Cine.

Aunque aún pueden existir más giros dramáticos en este caos de la TDT:   ¿el actual Gobierno adjudicará nuevas licencias en concurso público, decidirá salvar algún canal o sólo se liberalizará espacio radioeléctrico para el Dividendo Digital?

• ¿Cómo nos afectará este nuevo escenario?

Además de las cadenas, los otros grandes damnificados de la inestable implantación de la TDT en España serán los propios espectadores. De nuevo, habrá que reajustar las televisiones, ya que se reorganizarán todas las emisiones. De hecho, en determinados casos, habrá que adaptar las antenas otra vez. Lo que supondrá un coste medio de entre 300 y 2000 euros, según las características de cada comunidad de vecinos.

Aunque no terminarán aquí los cambios. Estamos a punto de entrar en la generación de la TV Conectada, la verdadera revolución televisiva de los próximos años: programas a la carta, contenidos interactivos, videonoticias, espacios multisoporte… En definitiva, la convergencia de Internet, televisión, redes sociales y aplicaciones móviles. Y es que la forma de consumir (y programar) la tele está mutando para siempre. No hay marcha atrás. La TDT ya nació ajada. Y, probablemente, fuimos cobayas de un invento llamado Televisión Digital Terrestre.

Antenizaciones de TDT y otros artilugios televisivos que sobrevivieron al paso del tiempo

In real (or at least our preferred) life, we do have other, better things to do. We have books to read, children to raise, friends to meet, loved ones to care for, amusements to enjoy, drinks to drink, walks to take, webs to surf, couches to lie on, games to play, movies to see, protests to make, movements to build, marches to march, and more. Most days, we don't have time to do any of that. We're working way too many hours for too little pay, and in the remaining few hours (minutes) we have, after the kids are asleep, the dishes are washed, and the laundry is done, we have to haggle with insurance companies about doctor's bills, deal with school officials needing forms signed, and more.

Roxy Raye

Unha lectora preguntoume como habiamos dicir en galego, se grao ou grado. Velaquí a resposta por escrito que a ela lle dei falando.

O galego diferencia grado e grao. Grado é unha forma moi pouco usada xa que só a empregaremos en frases como “Non me berres. Douche as chaves de grado” e nas frases feitas “de bo grado” e “de mal grado”. Grado é evolución do latín gratum que deu o cultismo grato (e os seus derivados: gratificar, ingrato, gratitude…).

No resto dos casos empregaremos grao. Existen varias definicións para esta palabra, proveniente do latín gradum.

Pódese referir a cada un dos estados ou situacións que pode ter unha cousa en relación de menor ou maior. “É destacable o grao de corrupción no Concello de Barbadás”.

Tamén pode ser un título. Desde a última reforma así é como se define o máis común título universitario.

Define cada unha das trescentas sesenta partes nas que se dividen a circunferencia e o círculo e coas que se miden arcos e ángulos; tamén as unidades de diferentes escalas, como por exemplo a temperatura ou o alcol.

Falaremos de grao cando nos refiramos ao parentesco, ás matemáticas ou á xerarquía militar. “As ecuacións de segundo grao non aparecen no temario deste curso”.

 

 
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, as all across America trees are decorated with tinsel and baubles, festive lights are lit, carols sung, children wait expectantly to hear Santa on his sleigh, and virgins miraculously announce they have given birth.

Wait, what?

Yes, apparently the USA is a hot bed (or should that be manger?) of virgin births. This according to a long-term study on reproductive health, published by the British Medical Journal, which states that one in 200 American women claim to have given birth without every having had sexual intercourse!

These miraculous findings come from a study of 7,870 women and girls, aged between 15 and 28, who were interviewed as part of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, between 1995 and 2009.

It seems that Jesus Christ may have quite a few half-brothers and half-sisters across the land, as 45 (0.5%) out of all the women who took part, said they had at least one virgin pregnancy, “unrelated to the use of assisted reproductive technology.”

At least one?

That is they conceived without “vaginal intercourse or in-vitro fertilization (IVF).”

Peter Cook and Dudley Moore once jested that conception occurred after a wife sat down in a chair recently vacated by a husband, but whether or not these 45 virgin births involved an easy chair, we are not told. However, the The Independent reports “researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill analyzed data from the thousands of teenage girls and young women” and discovered some interesting similarities:

They found that the girls who had become pregnant, despite claiming they had never had sex at the time of conception, shared some common characteristics.

Thirty-one percent of the girls had signed a so-called ‘chastity pledge’, whereby they vow—usually for religious reasons—not to have sex. Fifteen percent of non-virgins who became pregnant also said they had signed such pledges.

The 45 self-described virgins who reported having become pregnant and the 36 who gave birth were also more likely than non-virgins to say their parents never or rarely talked to them about sex and birth control.

About 28 percent of the “virgin” mothers’ parents (who were also interviewed) indicated they didn’t have enough knowledge to discuss sex and contraception with their daughters, compared to 5 percent of the parents of girls who became pregnant and said they had had intercourse.

The authors of the study—titled “Like a virgin (mother)”—say that such scientifically impossible claims show researchers must take care in interpreting self-reported behavior. Fallible memory, beliefs and wishes can cause people to err in what they tell scientists.

Perhaps we should wait and see if any of these virgin births grow-up and start their own religion. Meantime, virgins should not sit in any recently vacated chairs…
 

 
H/T The Independent

O presidente de Banesco di que se manterán os postos de traballo e a sede en Galicia. Feijóo defende ao novo propietario do banco galego e di que a adxudicación foi "limpa, transparente e contundente". A oposción critica o "novo espolio" do capital galego. O Estado perde uns 8.000 millóns de euros nesta operación.

Pope Francis kicked off his birthday week Monday by continuing to boil the blood of conservative America, firing two conservative bishops who are outspoken opponents of abortion and marriage equality, and then added insult to injury on his actual birthday Tuesday by spending it with some homeless guys.

Francis turned 77 on Tuesday—many long years since his days as a club bouncer in Buenos Aires—and invited a group of homeless guys who live on the streets right outside the Vatican to share his birthday breakfast at a nearby hotel. He even let one of the guys bring their dog.

AP reports that he also invited the Vatican’s “household help” into the “family like” atmosphere and mentioned everyone by name.

It’s enough to have American conservatives like Rush Limbaugh, who recently accused the Pope of being a Marxist, seeing red. You’re not supposed to take a hand-out in this country—you’re not supposed to be in that hotel eating that fancy food if you’re a “taker” instead of a “maker.” And your dog is sure as shit not supposed to be there.

But if conservatives stateside have been feeling a little sensitive about what they perceive to be the Holy See’s liberal bent, he really gave them something to complain about Monday to kick off his b-day week, sacking American Cardinal Raymond L. Burke from the Congregation of Bishops. Burke had been an outspoken abortion and marriage equality opponent, recently saying in an interview, “We can never talk enough about that.”

Popesicle also fired American Cardinal Justin Rigali from Philadelphia, who stepped down as archbishop over his handing of a priest abuse scandal.

The pope is just going against conservative tradition and it’s driving traditional Americans crazy. He prompted Sarah Palin to say “He’s had some statements that to me sound kind of liberal, has taken me aback”—and that was before the whole sharing your birthday with a homeless dog thing.

All in all, this Pope seems like he’s turning out to be more moderate and all around better guy than most of his predecessors. Which have the likes of Rush Limbaugh bordering on an aneurism for the foreseeable future.

Image

20 years ago, Sweden passed a series of reforms that encouraged privatization of its schools. In addition to making it easier to create new schools, the new laws made it legal for private, profit-seeking companies to open schools. For over a decade, these reforms were hailed as a market-driven success story, as market share private schools grew. Earlier this year, the bankruptcy of Sweden's largest private school operator and questions about school quality has some in Sweden rethinking its privatization experiment.

 
The Guardian has suggested an alternative version of the “selfie” called the “shefie.” In other words a portrait of the books and personal items displayed on people’s shelves—a literary shelf life, you might say. It’s just another in the seemingly endless list of self-obsessed, narcissistic images brought about smart technology—who’d a thunk sharing this stuff on social media was what the Internet was invented for?

The Guardian are currently accepting pictures and videos of people’s shelf lives, so if you have nothing better to do, and want to impress your pals by submitting a pic of all those heavy-weight literary tomes you’ve bought but never read, or you’ve just redecorated and have some simply gorgeous furniture to die for…then hop over to The Guardian for details of where to send your portrait or video. Meanwhile, here’s what others have been posting.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Via the Guardian
 

[See also: VICE's Worst 50 Albums of 2013]

Frank Zappa once said that "music criticism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read." We're onboard with that statement, which is why this time of year always gets our goat, and then rams a splintery chopstick up our poor goat's dickhole. It's year-end top-50 review season.

Allow us to explain a few things about year-end top-50 review season. It's a moment when neck-beard music critics get to throw their weight around, kick their Converse up on their desks, and wax critical about something that's fully accepted as impossible to quantify—the best albums of the year. According to Billboard, something like 75,000 albums are released each year, and that's not counting stuff your dirtbag cousin throws on Bandcamp. With an average running time of 45 minutes per record, the average human could listen to music 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and not make a dent. 

All this mathy stuff illustrates that year-end lists are based 100% on taste. There is no canon of pop music, and anyone who says there is most likely just wants to keep his job as a music journalist. So allow us to present our taste, in order, as collected in 12 issues of VICE Magazine over the past year. Before you get all pissy in the comments and accuse us of neglecting HAIM, Chance the Rapper, Jon Hopkins, or whatever garbage you think deserves critical respect, keep in mind that A) 99% of all music is terrible, B) some of these reviews are on the top 50 because we liked the review, not the band, and C) we really, really, really don't care.

 

50.

VARIOUS ARTISTS
Christian Workout Power Pack
Capital Christian Distribution

You were probably proud when you found the Desperate Bicycles’s Remorse Code LP in the dollar bin, but when I came across this gem I felt like fucking Friedrich Miescher. Get this: it’s specifically and explicitly a triple-disc collection made for Christian women aged 30 to 45 to help them break a sweat at the local YWCA. Plus, there are no digital downloads, it’s only available in Christian bookstores, and Christianity is a vicious celestial dictatorship that encourages ignorance, cruelty, and genocide.

AVRIL MEURSAULT

49.

UV RACE/EDDY CURRENT SUPPRESSION RING
Bad News
Almost Ready

Australian punks are the best punks. This is because they drink the blood of kangaroos, which makes them all “hopping mad” and really good at pogoing. Does this mean that kangaroos are the punkest of all animals? I dunno, but I am sure those fuckers will kick you in the face something fierce, with or without steel-toed Docs. They definitely get some kind of props for that.

MISTER BLISTER

48.

SURVIVAL
Self Titled
Thrill Jockey

When he’s not busy making proggy black metal with his other band, Liturgy, Hunter Hunt-Hendrix (son of Helen and Jimi, for all you flower children out there) is making blackish prog rock with his new project, Survival, and—hey, Joe—let me just tell you, I’m mad about this album. Hunt-Hendrix, along with bandmates Greg Smith and Jeff Bobula, expertly revives first-wave math rock with the added punch of hardcore gravitas, and it’s got me floating, got it? I would almost even go so far as to say it’s as good as it gets! I know what women (and men, sometimes) want, and it’s more spasmodic rhythms and unpredictable melodic narratives from this Brooklyn trio. Are you experienced, yet? I’m just trying to pay it forward and bask in the rays of the new rising sun.

SUE SORRY

47.

PAMPERS
Self Titled
In The Red

Sometimes when I’m listening to Drake’s lyrics, I’m all like, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, this is totally something my mom would say.” Not so with these dudes. Sure, they could be talking about white-wine spritzers and alimony, but who the fuck can tell? They’re loud, they have unintelligible lyrics, and they named their band after a diaper. Drake can go shit his pants standing and then suck a good man’s dick.

SHANDWICHES

46.

TYLER, THE CREATOR
Wolf
Odd Future/XL

Kids are so fucking scary now. I’ve always thought that the most terrifying horror and thriller movies are the ones with really stoic, black-eyed kids in formal wear who have no emotions and wait around to slash your ankles or face with found objects. I would literally be afraid to be in the same room as Tyler, the Creator. He looks like he’d peel off a person’s top layer of skin with the very tips of his front teeth and fingernails so that he could later don the victim’s epidermis as a cape onstage while calling your mother a series of very bad names. Which, I think, is exactly what he’s going for, so we can do nothing but encourage it (or die).

RYAN GOSLING

45.

THE SPACE LADY
The Space Lady's Greatest Hits
Night School

Susan Dietrich, a.k.a. the Space Lady, a.k.a. my galactic wet dream, was this weirdo homeless dropout busker chick who drifted between Boston and the Bay Area back in the 70s, supporting her draft-dodging husband and three kids by playing zonked-out space-themed psych covers in a winged Viking helmet. Most street musicians have a story like that, but most of them also make music that belongs in the environment where it was conceived: a quaint little town I like to call “Covered in Human Turds and Boxed Wine in the Dumpster Behind Carl’s Jr.”

DINAH SHORE’S TOOTHED OVARIAN CYST

44.

THE HOLYDRUG COUPLE
Noctuary
Sacred Bones

I want to give this a puke face out of sheer annoyance but can’t because it was made by two people from Chile who put out a perfect hazy summer psychedelia album with that nice, warm buzz tone that tingles the tip of your dick when you’re stoned. And they’re doing it in the dead of winter as a fuck-you to the entire Northern Hemisphere. I live up here, assholes. It’s nine degrees. Right now they’re probably all growing their hair long and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons and shouting “Cowabunga, dude” and surfing and hand-feeding grapes to naked women with green eyes or whatever the fuck they do down there. Just invite me, dudes. Please.

BEN JOHNSON

43.

JULIANNA BARWICK
Nepenthe
Dead Oceans

This record came at a really good time for me, which is to say I was cooking Rice-A-Roni while bumping the Mallrats soundtrack. As I ran a food train on my fanus (face anus) with the San Francisco Treat, I perused the press release, which dropped some smarty-pants nuggets like “light-dappled,” “lingering magic,” and even “alien landscapes.” I thought to myself, Sure, I can definitely hear that. Sophisticated people with good taste, I envy your dedication to grown-ass-woman music like this. I too am a grown-ass woman, and I actually like this a lot. That being said, it did trigger my extreme guilt for having zero interest in ever doing yoga. Especially Bikram.

ENYA FACE

42.

DJ RASHAD
Double Cup
Hyperdub

These days, the proverbial South Side of Chicago is often cited as a “vibrant music scene,” not a spawning pool for dead-eyed child soldiers who can occasionally be coaxed into creating the bleak-as-death drill music that straight white male music critics are currently pounding off to ad speculum. But there’s another side to the city that has nothing to do with tubesteaks of any sort, one that’s centered around a different bass-heavy breed of club music called “footwork.” It’s a lot less murder-y, and DJ Rashad is its reigning (if oft-overlooked) king. This record is crack, but its only problem is a release through some limey professor dude’s vanity label. So I guess straight white male music critics are gonna be the only ones listening to this outside of the Big Onion after all.

TEKLIFE INTERN

41.

ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER
R Plus Never
Warp

You know when it’s 4 AM on a Tuesday and you realize you’ve just watched the entirety of a two-hour infomercial for some carpet cleaner you’re never gonna buy, but you just can’t turn off the TV because it’s bright and shiny, and you’re a depressed insomniac? That’s how it feels to listen to this record. It’s like getting a late-capitalist massage in a postindustrial spa on the internet in 1080p. Yes, the vibes are totally vapor-wavy, but not in your typical made-by-a-15-year-old-kid-in-Norway way. Whatever.

STEVE HANDJOBS

40.

YEAH YEAH YEAHS
Mosquito
Universal

I just finished listening to this for two straight days, and I love it, which brings to mind that age-old saying, “If you don’t have anything shitty to shit on, don’t shitty shit on any shit at all.”

HEY SALLY

39.

OOZING WOUND
Retrash
Thrill Jockey

I sit next to VICE’s reviews editor. She’s got a pyromaniac streak and a lot of weird habits, like refusing to eat fruit. One time she sighed, slowly removed her headphones, turned to me, and said, “The only place to find serious art these days is in extreme, progressive metal.” Of course, I told her that a job where one listens to popular music and writes about it will, at best, lower one’s standards for art, and, at worst, retard the cognitive faculties to an eight-year-old’s comprehension level. But then, out loud, I told her she was probably right. Point is, I’m sort of surprised she recommended this record. It doesn’t sound particularly “serious” to me. It sounds like Bay Area 80s thrash and weed.

NEBBISH ORIPASH

37.

BLACK PUS
All My Relations
Thrill Jockey

Black Pus’s new jam All My Relations channels the ghosts of robotic demons past, escaping their industrial hell. They’re clawing outward and upward, into your backyard with ruthless moves and chops. Swirling oscillator growls gnarl around Brian Chippendale’s patented drum abuse. This is not for casual listening; this is to spur men on the verge of losing everything to take that final plunge. No letting up. Full-on fucking chaos.

WILLIAM CODY WATSON

36.

JAMES FERRARO
NYC, Hell 3:00 AM
Hippos In Tanks

Sure, Eskimos have identified a thousand types of snow or whatever, but lately I’ve been seeking high-level collaborative-research grants to discover and map the innumerable types of boners on God’s green earth. I’ve learned a lot, and one surprising result of my research proves that not all lap rockets originate from normal feelings of intimacy and love. (Note: see the “MDMA street-pee stiffy” or good-old morning wood for contemporary and classical examples of what I’m talking about here.) All I had to do to fully experience the Fear Flute was listen to James Ferraro’s new album, which is so pants-shittingly terrifying that it sucked all the blood vessels from my face and brain and transported them southward faster than a van’s worth of AR-15s breezing past Mexican customs.

GLADYS GOOPINSTEIN

35.

POSTAL SERVICE
Give Up (Deluxe 10th Anniversary Edition)
Sub Pop

Somewhere in the hyperdistant future, after civilization as we know it has long been erased from the pages of time, after an eons-long ice age has thawed, a new, vibrant society, governed by cognizant, trans-aquatic creatures, will be delighted with a gift for their senses. One day, on a journey into the rocky hills, one of these fish people, a common villager, will discover a shimmering disc tucked in the rib bones of a fossilized megalizard. Fueled by an obsessive thirst for knowledge, the he-fish will attempt to retrieve the information from the disc. Much time will pass. The he-fish will die, but his work will be continued by his offspring and, eventually, his offspring’s offspring. Finally, before a massive congregation of trans-aquatic land creatures from all sects and classes, the information on the disc will be retrieved and revealed much to the delight of almost everyone, even a lot of trans-aquatic land creatures who you wouldn’t normally expect to be into that sort of thing.

NOOB SAIBOT

34.

THE-DREAM
IV Play
Radio Killa/Def Jam

This album is incredible. Illustrious. Illuminati level. Four-on-the-Floor, meet DJ Screw. Beyoncé, we’d like to introduce you to Lee “Scratch” Perry. The-Dream, here’s our good friend, reverse-drumbeat sound. The-Dream is Terius Youngdell Nash, and the point of Terius Youngdell Nash is he’s a try-hard, but a try-hard in the best possible way. The bass on this is so intense that it will give you a headache. Synth lines cascade like your ex-girlfriend’s tears when you dumped her. There are so many songs about fucking. One of them is just called “Pussy.” If you conceive a baby to this album, your offspring is guaranteed to come out 10 percent more charismatic, intelligent, and straight-up attractive than it would have otherwise. Seriously, there’s a sticker that says so on the cover.

THE-DREW

33.

WAVVES
Afraid of Heights
Mom + Pop

Man, this record is so good. I did the cover art for the last one, which was fine but just not as exciting as the other Wavves records. This feels like a true successor to King of the Beach. It’s a big exciting beast with tunes you can boogie to, oddly looped samples with tons of echo, and that thing with Nathan Williams’s voice where you can’t quite tell if he’s a man or a boy. The first song of the album, which is also its lead single, starts with piano tinkles before kicking in to “Sail to the Sun.” The tracks range from fun, poppy tunes full of paranoia and self-loathing to slower, psychish songs about being anxious and angry. Great record from beginning to end and it makes me want everyone to be my best friend.

EGGO WAVVLES

32.

SAVAGES
Silence Yourself
Matador/Pop Noire

Savages is the band equivalent to that pair of emergency Urban Outfitters jeans you bought after an unfortunate tahini incident that left you with a conspicuous stain on the ol’ crotchola. When anyone asks you about them, you’re like, “Oh, these? Yeah, I only bought them ’cause I had to. Did you know Urban Outfitters supports Monsanto, though?” Then you still wear them because, fuck it, they’re super comfortable and make your butt look fly.

SASHA “NAOMI KLEIN” HECHT

31.

BASS DRUM OF DEATH
Self-Titled
Innovative Leisure

American youth! Jean jackets! Leather jackets! Ripped up pants and T-shirts and beer and backseat sex and rollercoasters! Drugs, shows, and parties and driving fast! This is a good record.

BRINDSEY BRENNARD

Engineers at the University of San Diego are hard at work developing a new kind of visual recognition software. Unlike facial recognition software, which uses characteristics to determine unique identities, this new algorithm recognizes patterns to place individuals in groups: Hipster, goth, surfer, punk, etc.

Why? Like most things, it all comes down to money. The idea is that group classifications will become useful a tool for advertisers—surfers will be able to be targeted with ads for Sex Wax and board shorts, while hipsters will see ads for fair trade coffee and Warby Parkers.

It works by actually identifying characteristics in photos and using them to create subsets. From Quartz:

It takes a set of photos, each with their own label, such as “cat,” “car,” “emo,” and then finds the features in the photos that best predict the label of a new photo. The algorithm leverages the assumption that pictures with a similar set of feature values are likely to have similar labels.

So if it looks at a picture, sees a pair of horn-rimmed glasses, a waxed moustache and a lumberjack shirt, and is told that it is looking at a hipster, it can move on to a new photo and identify a quinoa lover just from their look.

The Obama administration came under fire last night for this Obamacare ad that looked like it could have benefited from such tailored targeting:

How do you plan to spend the cold days of December? http://t.co/Rwf5AYc3bG #GetTalking pic.twitter.com/PBQ397yLf4

— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) December 17, 2013

The obvious place for such an algorithm to function is Facebook, where your real identity and the abundant photos of you would provide a more than ample data set to identify you as a hipster (or surfer, etc) and thus show you the corresponding ads. But as Google pushes more of the web towards Google Plus it could apply there as well.

The glaring question is whether we want this kind of encroachment into our lives and behaviors on the web. What if you were a total hipster in college but have matured into what the algorithm would define as its “formal” subset? Will those old Facebook photos have you seeing ads for reclaimed leather belts for the rest of your life?

Or there’s just the question of whether we really want an algorithm purporting to “know” us at all. Despite the algorithm’s accuracy (it’s just 49% right now, but still in development) it’s just creepy.

Then again, the current system of serving up ads based on what you’ve clicked previously isn’t much better—I was doing some research for an article on the worst gifts on Amazon, and now I see ads for prosthetic earwax everywhere I go.

H/t: Quartz/image via

 
By the time of the U.K.‘s Great Train Robbery in 1963, train robbing had already passed more or less into quaintness. But quaintness did nothing to deter 15 men from stopping a train in Buckinghamshire and hauling in what would be equivalent to over $7 million USD today. Several of the robbers were sentenced to a rather harsh 30 years in prison, including Ronnie Biggs, who, though not the caper’s ringleader, achieved the gang’s greatest notoriety by escaping from prison less than a year and a half into his sentence, fleeing to France for appearance-altering plastic surgery, and eventually living openly as a fugitive in Brazil, who would not extradite him to the U.K.

Then, in 1978, at age 49, he became a punk singer.
 

 
Julien Temple’s preposterous and incoherent Sex Pistols film The Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle brought that band—by then halved to just drummer Paul Cook and guitarist Steve Jones—to Rio de Janeiro, where they met up with Biggs and with him recorded “No One Is Innocent” and “Belsen Was A Gas.” A ridiculous but very, very fun scene in the film shows the band, with Biggs as their new singer, performing “Innocent” with bass player/Nazi fugitive Martin Bormann—actually an actor. One conceit of the film had it that rather than dying in 1945, Bormann escaped to Brazil. And joined The Sex Pistols. Did I mention preposterous?
 

 
Biggs was no newbie to music, though—he’d already participated in the creation of a jazz album in 1974! The collaboration with Bruce Henry was titled Mailbag Blues, and the album finally saw release in 2004. Per Bruce Henry via whatmusic.com:

Mailbag Blues was written over a couple months’ period ... with Ronnie at our side telling us his story and us breaking it down into events that we most related to musically. The songs are structured as a soundtrack, each one telling us part of a story and leading on to the next. When we went into the studio to record, we had the whole album pretty well defined, but we left a lot of room for individual improvisation, as was the style in 1974.

The recording took place in a very small room, on a four track Ampex Tape Recorder. Everybody played together, and we only used playback on one or two tracks for additional percussion. We were so young and eager back then, and we took ourselves so seriously, that we wouldn’t let Ronnie sing, which is too bad because he had a terrible voice but the Sex Pistols did all right with it didn’t they?

 

 

“London ‘63” from Mailbag Blues

Later, in 1991, German pin-up punks Die Toten Hosen tapped Biggs to sing “Carnival In Rio (Punk Was),” the lone original song on their covers/tribute album Learning English - Lesson One. For the b-side of the song’s single, he reprised his turn on “No One Is Innocent” and also covered The Equals’ classic “Police On My Back.”
 

 

Die Toten Hosen with Ronnie Biggs, “Police On My Back”

After years of ill health, including multiple strokes, Biggs surrendered to British authorities in 2001. He was promptly arrested, and confined to complete his original sentence. He was released, due to further deteriorating health, in 2009, and was able to contribute to the book The Great Train Robbery 50th Anniversary:1963-2013. His years of illness finally claimed his life today.

Rest in peace, Mister. Biggs. Nobody can say you didn’t live an amazingly colorful life.
 

by Megh Wright

Psychology Today posted a lengthy article last week on the challenges of female comedians called "'You Suck!' and 'Show Me Your Jugs!'", and it's loaded with ridiculous and inexplicable claims that would've made a great faux-fact addition to that whole "Why Women Aren't Funny" thing that happened almost ten years ago. While the piece does make a few legitimate points about the cultural and societal issues women face in the comedy world (notably Variety's sexist review of Sarah Silverman's new special) from the perspective of a real psychologist/anthropologist, the writer clearly hasn't been to many comedy shows despite the few unnamed comedian sources he cites in the article. Here are a few of the most questionable findings from the piece:

I don’t have data on the frequency of sex in the comedy world, but from what I have heard, male comedians enjoy quite an active sex life, especially on the road where there are no strings attached. In fact, casual sex with many different partners fits well into men’s evolved psychology. For women, the cost of casual sex could be big, and they have to be careful who they go to bed with. This is why women comedians are much less likely to have sex on the road or casual sex in general. In fact, one female comedian once told me that if a comedienne sleeps with other comedians, rumors about it spread quickly and would give her a bad reputation. Male comedians do not have to worry about this and sometimes even compete for who gets more sex.

How could a psychologist possibly gather accurate stats for how much casual sex comedians have on the road? This excerpt seems to imply that male comedians sleep around more because their psychology is more "evolved" whereas women are still trapped in the old "she's a slut" double standard. One female comedian's tale of sexual hesitance does not represent all women, which is interesting because the writer rallies against that same double standard elsewhere in the piece.

My own research, described in detail here, shows that on average, men had slightly higher humor production abilities than women, humor is correlated with intelligence, and people with a great sense of humor enjoy better mating success. All these findings point to the same conclusion: that humor might be a vehicle for mating success, mostly for men but not for women. Males’ greater tendency to use humor to make others laugh also seems to begin in childhood and adolescence, as more men than women report being the class clowns.

It's totally plausible that comedy has some kind of animalistic connection with sex, but this implies that men do comedy for sex, while women do comedy…for other, less intelligent reasons. Again, how are these facts gathered? Is there a national class clown registry we can double check, or do I just not understand this due to my lower humor production ability?

Also we should remember the number of failures in comedy. Most people who try comedy do not become famous and should expect moderate success at best. Only a few can become very successful and famous, and that’s the nature of every profession. But just as more men succeed in comedy compared to women, so there are many more men who fail. Just because men tend to be risk takers, have higher motivation that is relevant to comedy, have an easier time to travel and so on, does not guarantee that they will succeed. In the end, many more men fail than the one that makes it big.

So men are more motivated and evolutionarily designed to succeed in comedy because sex, so just cut your losses and accept your shortcomings, ladies. But don't worry, there's still hope if you're a comedy person without a Y chromosome. Here's what the article suggests you do:

There are also some possible benefits for being a female comedian. Because women are quite a rare breed in comedy, they are sometimes paid more. Since the audience is usually divided equally between men and women, and women want to see more female comedians, owners try to supply this demand by booking more female comedians. I don’t know how prevalent this practice is, but I heard it from a several comedians.

Because why put in tons of talent, hard work, networking, and years of dues-paying when you can ride the train of comedy tokenism to eternal bliss and success? Articles that claim females' inferior comedy chops under the guise of Real Science have become much less common to see these days, but consider this a grim reminder that it's sadly still happening — by a reputable publication, no less. I'm all for Psychology Today doing more insightful comedy coverage in the future, but if they want their findings to be taken seriously, they'll need to include a little less of the phrase "I don't know," because that doesn't exactly have a scientific ring to it.

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A shrine to Maximón in Santiago Atitlan, Guatemala. All photos by the author

Depending on who you ask, Maximón is Satan, a Catholic saint, or a relic of the pre-colonial Mayan religion. Everyone can agree on what he looks like, at least: He’s a dapper, mustachioed gentleman in a black suit and sombrero. You'll never mistake him because he's always smoking a cigarette or large cigar, and his houses of worship are filled with burning candles, bottles of rum or Quetzalteca grain alcohol, and other offerings from his supplicants.

“He's friends with the saints,” an elderly Maya man named Pablo said of Maximón as we wound our way through a series of dark, narrow, smoky allies on our way to the deity's house in the lakeside town of Santiago Atitlan, in southern Guatemala.

Santiago Atitlan is where the worship of Maximón (pronounced Ma-shi-mon in Mayan dialects) takes its most ancient and indigenous form. There he is rarely if ever referred to San Simon, which is what many Catholics call him. The deity’s statue is looked after by a group of men who take turns housing it; every year a different private house is converted into a sanctuary for Maximón.

Since Maximón is both a remnant of an old faith and a figure venerated by many Catholics, his altars are crowded with all kinds of conflicting imagery—icons of the Virgin Mary, but also taxidermied animals hanging from the low ceiling. The priests who speak to him in the Tz'utujil Maya dialect remain constantly drunk off of Quetzalteca (a necessary part of the process), and the air is choked with cigar and cigarette smoke.

The day I visited Santiago Atitlan, two shamans, completely in the bag and dressed in traditional indigenous clothing, knelt on either side of a man who was “sick in the head” according to Pablo. They gesticulated wildly amid the small bottles of Quetzalteca scattered on the floor, beseeching their god to heal the supplicant.

Scenes like that are why the Catholic Church has a pretty low opinion of Maximón. “He's the devil,” a priest named Hugo Estrada recently told the Guatemalan newspaper Prensa Libre.

Abelardo Ruiz Perez, a leader of the Archdiocese of Solala, an area near Santiago Atitlan that’s home to many indigenous people, said, “Maximón is a phenomenon of the gravest religious corruption… Only God may know the destruction of souls and bodies.”

The Church officially considers prayers to Maximón to be witchcraft, and wild, grisly urban legends about his congregants circulate among the Christian community—even though many of Maximón’s fans are Catholics who consider him to be a saint (or, as Pablo has it, at least in the saints’ social circle).

Worshippers in front of a statue of Maximón in San Andrés Itzapa.

The worship of Maximón is thought to have begun around the time of the Spanish conquest, and since then it has grown in Central America as Catholicism took root. Maximón's designation as a Catholic saint by many of his worshipers is a classic case of religious mixing; San Simon has allowed many Maya to keep traditional ceremonies and medicines intact while still participating in the dominant religion of the colonists. Not incidentally, the worship of Maximón gives people a way to pray for worldly goods (a practice not usually endorsed by Christianity) while smoking cigars and drinking rum.

Admittedly, prayers to Maximón can seem pretty demonic. The Oracion del Puro (“Prayer of Purity” or “Prayer of the Cigar”), which is thought to grant personal protection, begins with an ominous invocation: “I conjure you pure, in the name of Satan, Luzbel, and Lucifer… Dogs bark, cats howl, children cry, and thus as you conquered the heart of your father and of your mother, thus you had conquered the heart of [the subject's name] for me, so that I will go singing through all regions until the seventh region.”

Mostly, though, Maximón is less of a devil than a transactional god. Oracion de las Siete Velas (“The Oration of the Seven Candles”), an important text for Maximón's followers, lists all the different things they can ask him for. Green candles are associated with Wednesdays and the planet Mercury and bring “hope; mastery over a loved person; a good outcome in a business negotiation, employment, or the lottery; the cure for a vice or bad influences; and to exile bad things.” Black candles, on the other hand, are associated with Saturdays and Jupiter and are burned to “confound an enemy, doubters, enviers, and betrayers and to remove a bad neighbor and murmuring tongues.”

Shamans burn offerings to Maximón outside of his temple in San Andrés Itzapa.

The worship of Maximón differs greatly from person to person and from place to place. San Andrés Itzapa, a town not far away from Santiago Atitlan, is deeply infatuated with the god, but instead of households shrines, residents have constructed a massive temple to Maximón at the opposite end of town from the Catholic church.

It’s one of the most popular shrines to Maximón in the region—people travel from all around Guatemala, Mexico, El Salvador, and Belize to burn offerings to him. Out front, shamans set fire to piles of flowers, corn, and candles in public sacrifices every day. There is a nearby cantina where pilgrims can buy different colored candles, bottles of Quetzalteca, and cigars. A sign delivers a message from Maximón: at this shrine, negativity is not allowed. “I entreat that you do not come to me with a fist of candles to seek evil against your brothers, because the damage that you ask for them will be given to you,” it says. “Don't waste my time coming dressed like a sheep if inside you are a wolf.”

The pilgrims line up on one side of the temple’s main room and slowly move up to the altar, where they leave rum, bread, Quetzalteca, cigars, or money. The walls are decorated with Christmas bunting (‘tis the season, after all), and multicolored candles cover rows of simple metal tables. When I visited, a mariachi band was performing hymns to Maximón or San Simon—the names are interchangeable here.

Inside the temple in San Andrés Itzapa.

Those whose prayers have been answered purchase embossed plaques to be hung in the temple. These plaques usually include the names of the supplicants, where they are from, and what they asked for. They commemorate all kinds of favors: help in love, good health, or success in business. “Thank you for the money,” tends to be popular, as does, “Thank you, San Simon, for the new motorcycle.”

Anecdotally, the Guatemalan press has claimed that the worship of Maximón has declined in recent decades due to the rapid growth of evangelical churches, but this is difficult to measure with any certainty. In any case, he’s still a powerful figure in Santiago Atitlan and San Andrés Itzapa. It’s easy to see why: The Guatemalan government seems powerless to bring an end to the poverty, corruption, and violence that has plagued the country, and Jesus isn’t the guy to ask for a new motorcycle. Maximón is a useful psychological conduit for many people who want to express a desire to better their lives.

That said, the whole black magic aspect helps as well. One resident of Santiago Atitlan, Marcos Lopez, explained to Prensa Libre why many are afraid to get rid of their personal statues of Maximón: “True or not, here it is thought that if you cease to worship, it can bring misfortune. Others believe that nothing will happen. To be secure, it is better to leave him in peace.”

If you've ever dreamed of making out with one of the villainous cats from Mappy or getting into a love triangle with the spaceship from Galaga and a talking Taiko drum, enrolment at Namco High is now open.

Namco High, a dating sim featuring a variety of classic Namco arcade and console characters, is a weird romantic trip through over thirty years of videogame history, mixing retro arcade stars with re-imagined versions of some obscure characters from Namco's Shiftylook site, where a number of webcomic artists and writers have been publishing comics and cartoons starring figures from the company's back catalogue since 2012.

The game is intended to be as inclusive as possible, and neither presumes a specific gender (or any at all) on the part of the player character, nor limits dating options based on other characters' sexualities, since understandably everyone finds tiny sweater-wearing space royalty equally enchanting. There's actually a recent Tumblr post by the Editor-in-Chief at Shiftylook and Producer on the game talking a little about this, in the context of the game being stuck with a unified Namco ID system that requires users to choose male or female.

The creative team includes a whole bunch of wonderful writers and artists - the best known is probably Noelle Stevenson, of cute supervillainous webcomic Nimona, but that page on the official site is well worth following some links from, as there are lots of fantastic comics and art from all of the Namco High team.

Creative Director for the whole Namco High project is Andrew Hussie, best known for wildly popular webcomic/animation/mixed-media monstrosity Homestuck as well as earlier reader-participation series Problem Sleuth, Bard Quest and Jailbreak. Three Homestuck characters appear in Namco High as fellow students who can be interacted with and/or dated alongside the fifteen Namco characters.

The game is free-to-play and can be played all the way through without spending any money: although only six Namco characters (the Galaga ship, Lolo, Valkyrie, Anti-Bravoman, Meowkie and Albatross) are available to actually date for free, the entire cast is present for conversations and story without being bought. If you happen to have an understandable hankering for forbidden Mr Driller love, the store can be found here. (It's worth noting the Homestuck characters currently can't be unlocked for dating separately, unlike everyone else: they come only as a bonus if you buy the $15 'Deluxe Pak' which unlocks absolutely everybody)

Finally, while on the subject, Homestuck is currently on a break from regular updates but still being actively worked on, and when the mega-update comes, it will be the last Homestuck update ever and will include everything up to and including the ending and will very likely break the Internet. So now's a good time to catch up! Also the links under the Homestuck characters below are aimed at people who haven't read it and want silly representative samples of the Namco High characters, so SPOILERS, MAYBE. But probably not big ones.

The students:


Cousin (player character)
Katamari Damacy series (2004, PS2)
This specific Cousin doesn't actually appear in the Katamari series, as such: they are a non-gendered, rename-able original addition to the 58 collectable, playable Cousins in the games. Namco High opens with the Cousin being sent to detention, where they first meet the rest of the cast, for rolling up a significant portion of the school and student body into a Katamari in an attempt to emulate the Prince.

Gameplay video of the iconic final level in the original Katamari Damacy
Most of the Cousins in one big image
Cousin dance!
Some photos of a Cousins cosplay gathering at Christchurch Armageddon expo 2011
Inspired by that cosplay link? Here's a guide on how to make Katamari character heads and become your true Cousin self
First page of the Shiftylook Katamari comic


Galaga
Galaga (1981, arcade)
Surprisingly not the (inanimate) ship from the Shiftylook Galaga comic. Possibly the actual ship from the games was a discrete conscious entity and extremely popular in school.

Play Galaga (Flash)
Comes recommended by SHIELD agents, too
Arcade-History entry for the Galaga series
Comparison video of lots and lots of Galaga ports and sequels
The Shiftylook Galaga comic


Lolo
Klonoa 2 (2001, PS2)
A non-playable character introduced in platformer Klonoa 2, she appeared in playable form in a few spin-offs and side games as well as the Shiftylook Klonoa comic.

Cutscene introducing Lolo in Klonoa 2
Some Klonoa 2 gameplay from later in the same video
Lolo on the Klonoa Wiki
Lolo in Klonoa Beach Volleyball
Hardcore Gaming 101 on the history of the Klonoa series (Page 2)
Page one of the Shiftylook Klonoa comic


Valkyrie
Valkyrie no Bōken: Toki no Kagi Densetsu (1986, Famicom)
The title character of a series that's almost unheard of in the West, Valkyrie started out as a Famicom RPG, followed up by a slightly better known arcade/PC Engine action-shooter sequel.

Original Famicom gameplay
Gameplay video of the arcade sequel, Valkyrie no Densetsu
Valkyrie has made a few cameos in the Tales series over the years
Hardcore Gaming 101 on the Valkyrie series
Arcade-History entry for Valkyrie no Densetsu
The first page of the Shiftylook Valkyrie comic...
...and the first page to use the art style Valkyrie is drawn in for Namco High


Anti-Bravoman
Bravoman (1988, arcade)
The character called Anti-Bravoman here originally appeared as Black Bravoman, a recurring boss in the original arcade/PC Engine stretchy-limbed parody-em-up and a palette-swapped version of the hero. He had a different appearance again in Namco x Capcom, but the version attending Namco High is the bumbling villain/anti-hero from the Shiftylook Bravoman comic and web series.

Play Bravoman (Flash) (PC Engine port)
Trailer for Bravoman Binja Bash, a recent iOS/Android game based on the Shiftylook series
The Shiftylook Bravoman comic...
...and the web cartoon series


Meowkie
Mappy (1983 arcade)
All of the pink cat burglars trying to catch mouse cop Mappy in the arcade game are collectively called Meowkies (or Mewkies), with the only named cat being the boss, Nyamco. The Meowkie in Namco High is a kid-slash-ex-gang-member of the thieving Meowkies from the game.

Play Mappy (Flash) (Famicom port)
Comparison video of the various Mappy ports and versions
Arcade-History entry for Mappy
The Shiftylook Mappy cartoon series


Terezi Pyrope
Homestuck (2009)
Trapezi T3R3Z1 Terezi is one of the most popular characters in Homestuck, an alien, and a troll in every sense of the word. Blinded as part of a lengthy feud, she 'sees' by smelling and tasting stuff. Hence her tendency to lick people. She's a lawyer-in-training (sort of) and obsessed with JUST1C3. 4ND T4LK1NG 1N C4PS. Also eating chalk.

Terezi's introduction page
Terezi's entry on the wiki
OK TH1S M1GHT B3 H4RD FOR 4N 34RTH B4BOON TO UND3RST4ND...
A short comic by the (in-universe) creator of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, about Terezi
More recently, Terezi in repose
How Terezi was blinded (Flash, sound, will make little sense to the uninitiated but look, colours)
Flashback to Terezi's adult ancestor and role model (Flash, sound, same disclaimer applies)
Also you can buy the plush dragons Terezi likes to sentence and execute


Donko
Taiko no Tatsujin (2001, arcade)
Donko is an animate drum who dances around during songs in some editions, alongside living-Taiko-drum-dog-thing mascots Don and Katsu and a surprisingly huge supporting cast.

Arcade Taiko footage: a very talented guy playing two-player mode solo
This isn't the first game to feature Donko and romance... (minigame from Taiko no Tatsujin: Wai Wai Happy! Rokudaime, PS2)
Actual Taiko drumming...
...and more real Taiko drumming
Episode 1 of the claymation Taiko no Tatsujin show, featuring Don and Katsu being given life
Incredibly in-depth English-language fan blog for the Taiko series
Detailed info on every arcade version and cabinet
The Osu! free rhythm game/engine, while it started life as a way to play DS rhythm classic Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan on PC with custom songs and beatmaps, has a fully-featured Taiko no Tatsujin mode that's by far the best way to try out Taiko. It even supports the original Tatacon drum controller if you happen to own one
Here's the list of beatmaps/songs for Taiko mode


Albatross
Rolling Thunder (1986, arcade)
The protagonist of the Rolling Thunder games, and an agent of the World Crime Police Organization.

Play Rolling Thunder (Java) (NES port)
Video of a complete playthrough of the arcade version (Part 2)
Hardcore Gaming 101 history of the Rolling Thunder series
Arcade-History entry for Rolling Thunder
How long will Albatross live? (from this odd little series on game characters' life expectancies)


Nidia
Dragon Spirit (1987 arcade)
As far as I can tell Nidia is an original character from the Shiftylook comic - the original game's (pretty minimal) storyline has a soldier named Amul transform into a dragon to rescue Princess Alicia from the evil Zawell, and the comic has a female hero named Nidia alongside Amul on the same quest.

Play Dragon Spirit (Flash) (PC Engine/Turbografx 16 port)
Play Dragon Spirit (Flash) (NES port, some extra content)
Arcade version gameplay video
Video of a no-hit run through the PC Engine version (Part 2, 3, 4)
Arcade-History entry for Dragon Spirit
Shiftylook comic


Mr Driller
Mr Driller (1999, arcade)
The son of Dig Dug! Mr Driller has been ported to basically every platform in existence, so it shouldn't be hard to find a copy.

Play Mr Driller (Flash) (Gameboy Color port)
Arcade version gameplay
Arcade-History entry for Mr Driller


Blue Max
Sky Kid (1985, arcade)
Blue Max is the Player 2 character from Sky Kid, a blue bird in a biplane to Player 1's Red Baron. Max's name is a reference to the Pour le Mérite, which the real Red Baron received. There's basically zero story in the game, so the Namco High Blue Max is either or both the game and comic versions.

Play Sky Kid (Java) (NES port)
Arcade version gameplay video
Arcade-History entry for Sky Kid
First page of the Shiftylook comic (complete)


Hiromi Tengenji
Burning Force (1989, arcade)
Piloting a transforming hoverbike/fighter jet thing, Hiromi is literally a space cadet undergoing a six-day test (where each day is a level in the game) to become a Space Fighter.

Play Burning Force (Flash) (Megadrive/Genesis port)
Arcade version gameplay video
Hardcore Gaming 101 on Burning Force
Arcade-History entry for the arcade version


Ahiko Matsuo/Amazona
Wonder Momo (1987 arcade)
This is another Shiftylook original character: the original Wonder Momo game is a beat-em-up where a transforming heroine goes up against aliens, monsters and robots, but the entire thing is presented as a live-action show with an audience (and some creepy fanservicey jump-kick animations, and guys with cameras in the audience who the player has to be careful not to do certain revealing moves in front of). The comic stars the daughter of the original Wonder Momo, and her rival-slash-friend Ahiko, or Amazona when she's in costume.

Play Wonder Momo (Flash) (PC Engine port)
Arcade version gameplay video
Wonder Momo/Bravoman team-up in Namco x Capcom
Arcade-History entry for Wonder Momo
First page of the Shiftylook comic


Taira no Kagekiyo
Genpei Tōma Den (1986 arcade)
Taira no Kagekiyo is (hopefully) unique amongst the Namco High student body as an actual, real historical figure, a samurai who took part in the Genpei War. The arcade game, which posits a resurrected Taira no Kagekiyo fighting demons in a Yamato-e painting world, isn't the first fictionalised version of him: he appears in Chapter 11 of Heike Monogatari. And now a dating sim where he can make out with the Prince of Space's cousin. He's also another character whose Namco High appearance is closer to his original arcade game form than his Shiftylook comic.

Play Genpei Toumaden (Flash) (PC Engine port)
Arcade version playthrough video (Part 2, 3)
Arcade-History entry for Genpei Toumaden
Genpei Toumaden was also released as a 'computer boardgame' for the Famicom, with a cartridge meant to be played alongside the board - details are a bit scarce, but here are photos of the box contents, an account (in Japanese) of trying to play the thing, and video of the Famicom part.
Shiftylook comic (titled 'Scar', only loosely based on the game)


Jane Crocker
Homestuck (2009)
Jane has a decent claim to being the co-protagonist of Homestuck, although she's only introduced a fair way in. She's heiress to the (evil) Betty Crocker baking empire, fancies herself a detective-slash-comedian, has an inexplicable attraction to funny and/or blue men and has a fake moustache that acts as a phone.

Jane's introduction page, a mirror of the first ever page of Homestuck with her in place of John after the timeline was reset
Jane on the wiki
Jane is cool and collected in matters of the heart
Also she has that moustache communicator (Flash, sound, animated sequence summarising months of adventures with great music)
Another thing about Jane is she seems to transform into other versions of herself a lot
It's not always so disturbing, although maybe it is
She really has only had about five minutes outside of one mind-controlled state or another in the past year


Yuichiro Tomari
Ordyne (1988, arcade)
Tomari is the little dude piloting the Player 1 aircraft in his game.

Play Ordyne (Flash) (PC Engine port)
Gameplay video of the arcade version
Hardcore Gaming 101 on Ordyne
Arcade-History entry on the arcade game


Richard Miller
Time Crisis (1995, arcade)
As well as being the extremely 90s-action-guy protagonist of the original Time Crisis, Miller shows up as a boss in the bonus Crisis Mission mode of PS2 Time Crisis 2, and in Time Crisis 4 on the PS3.

Arcade version gameplay video
Arcade-History entry for Time Crisis


Davesprite
Homestuck (2009)
If I say Davesprite is a version of absurd ironic-not-ironic cool kid Dave Strider from a splintered, doomed timeline, where he saw his best friends die and lived with that for months before travelling back to the point the timeline fractured and merging himself with a ghostly guide in order to prevent those events from ever happening, then I realise I'm confirming everything you ever suspected about Homestuck. But that's what he is. He's also kind of part bird, and still injured and missing a wing from a really bad fight, and prone to introspection over not being the 'real' Dave.

Davesprite (or Alternate Future Dave) on the wiki
He's also an alternate version of the author of/the author of Sweet Bro And Hella Jeff
Davesprite gets along surprisingly well with non-bird Dave
How Davesprite lost that wing (Flash, sound, kind of long)
Davesprite has an epiphany
John calls him 'Dave Sprite' like it's a first name and surname
He also has the power to vaguely watermark the sky with his smug orange face
He may or may not have a ghost butt

Today's customer was submitted by Ernest M. from Southern Arizona who over heard this in his local comic book store. Check back all week to see the other winners of the 2013 OVC submission contest!