Snob

1. Sometimes you really do want to just watch True Detective and eat burritos.

You’re talking to this nice girl that seems to really have a wise-beyond-her-years grasp of Photoshop memes and so you invite her over hoping for a chill platonic evening and then — boom — she’s all trying to unbuckle your Chromexcel belt and slide your 21 oz selvedge denim to get at cyclopean love hose. #rude

2. I only have so much jizz to give.

Seriously. You out there, mashing your keyboard in a frenzy of sexual frustration, probably imagine it would be so great to be up to your ears in pussy, but I can tell you from experience it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Like, I can only bust five or six times in a day — maybe eight if I’m with a couple different girls (Coolige Effect, y’all, Google it) and then I’m all fucked out. Hell hath no fury like a woman partially boned. So yeah, sometimes I fake my orgasms. Deal with it, honey.

3. I’m a nice guy.

Really, I am. But if you’re like me: 6’2″, thin, tatted and hung like Snuffy, girls don’t even notice your #personality. It’s just “give me the dick you vigorous stallion” 24/7. It’s soooo dehumanizing. #mysoulisuphereladies

4. My friends are always bugging me to throw them my “sloppy seconds.”

Like, I totally understand when a bro is hard up to snatch and thinks I can spare my reserve, my reserve-reserve, my special blend, my rainy-day bone, my alright-for-sort-of-an-off-night-bone, my racial token bones, my nostalgia bones or any of the half a dozen other women I have sexually available at any time, but really I can’t. It’s not a greed thing. It’s that I really think you won’t like how my dick tastes.

5. Scarcity is the source of value; ergo sex has no meaning. #ennui

Like, sometimes I will add gratuitous difficulties to my sex life just to try to wring some kind of serotonin reward out of the charade. For instance, I will go out wearing a fedora or put on 3 baggy sweatshirts or act poor or something, just to make it a little more difficult to get laid. Truth is, it’s worse in the end though, because I always get the girl and then she’s all like, “He was a diamond in the rough” and they think “He’s not a player” and I become #relationshipmaterial overnight. Yuck, bros, yuck.

6. Girls aren’t that cool.

Like I don’t mean this in a mean or a sexist way, but girls just aren’t that smart or interesting or good at stuff. And if you’re fucking them all the time, it means you’re AROUND them all the time. So in those awkward in-between moments when you’re not pounding them into unexplored realms of clitoral ecstasy with the righteous cockhammer, you actually have to talk to them. And they’re always like “My feelings said this” or “I’m a real person with hopes and dreams.” Which is fine, but shut the fuck up about it, I’m trying to get past this wave of guys on Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army 2.

7. STDs.

Real talk, guys? I hate to burst your bubble, but if you fuck an average of 5 to 9 girls a week bareback, you’re gonna catch something. That’s just the cost of doing business. For the most part, I just keep a standing script of amoxicillin on hand and to be safe, just stop calling the last dozen or so chicks I boned in case they’re the dirty slut who gave it to me, but sometimes you have to have this inevitable talk where the filthy disease-ridden Jezebel is like “You gave me herpes” and you try to be fair with her and so you say “You can’t prove that, you stupid whore” and then it’s all tears and yada yada yada. I know I’m going to get spammed by you betas out there being like “Boo hoo, wear a condom” or something like that, but get real. When you have as much sex and take as many benzos as I do, there’s absolutely no way you’re going to be able to bust while wearing a thick-as-fuck weinercoat.

8. Fake lesbians.

Every swinging dick out there knows what I am talking about. In the early 2000s, finding a genuine bi chick that wanted to do a threesome was something of an achievement, like a no-wipe poo, but now it seems like I’m up to my ears in faux dykes who wanna get it on with me and one, two, three, even four of her fellow curious nubile minxes. But it’s all artifice! There’s no authenticity! When I am having a three-way, I want it to count for something, on an emotional level. But I can’t get into it if the girls are just pretending to wanna eat each other out so I will fuck them more enthusiastically. Frankly, it’s dishonest and makes me respect you less. #justsaying

9. Girls who think I’m going to pay for stuff.

Girls these days have gotten used to AFCs who will “pay for dates” or “treat them to something nice” or even “sprint for the plan B from Duane Reade.” Seriously guys, you’re ruining it for the rest of us. If you lay the pipe many, many times every week, just the cost of laundering all the skeet out of my bedclothes becomes prohibitive, so if I even accidentally buy a girl a beer via tab confusion, I’m spending hundreds a week! So ladies, if you see a tall, chiseled, charismatic dude at the bar, do him a favor and buy HIM a drink because his resources are seriously drained from having to fuck all of you as it is.

10. And the number 10 most annoying thing about being constantly fuckzoned is? Being tired all the time.

I hardly sleep! I mean sure it helps to be independently wealthy (haha jobs lul!) and have a great body without having to really try (gyms detract from my fuck schedule), but even so, I still have so many texts/nudes to respond to and such a busy social calendar BEFORE you even factor in the epic tantric fuckathons that I’m running on the women of America. I order 5-hour Energy by the pallet on Amazon, no shit.

Anyway, thanks for listening. It feels really good to get this load off my chest. But seriously, if you want a load on your chest and are a 8.5/10 or better, hit me up in the comments section.

(Image credit: DrRandomFactor)

Hey youz! Whah do ‘Mericans have all different aks-ay-ents? It’s, like, totally confusing and somewhat bizzah, dontcha know.

TALK THIS WAY

An accent is “a manner of pronunciation peculiar to a particular individual, location, or nation.” That’s not to be confused with dialect, which is a specific form of a language that has its own unique lexicon (words), grammatical structures, and phonology (a fancy word for accent). So an accent can be a part of a dialect, but not vice versa. Because dialects can be traced to geographical regions, they give linguists important clues to the origin of accents. And discovering where accents came from can explain why an American says “ta-may-to” and a Brit says “ta-mah-toe,” or why Bostonians say “park the cah” and a Nebraskan says “park the car.”

BRITISH INVASIONS

The United States began as colonies of Great Britain, but the settlers didn’t trickle across the Atlantic at random. According to Brandeis University Professor David Hackett Fischer in his book Albion’s Seed, there are four primary American accents, which derive from the major migrations from England to the New World in the 17th and 18th centuries.

1. East Anglia to Massachusetts (1620-40). Puritans who fled to the New World to escape religious persecution were, by and large, from the eastern counties of England. To this day, in remote parts of East Anglia, there are rural folk who speak in what is sometimes referred to as the “Norfolk whine.” When they came to New England, that accent came along with them. You may recall the TV commercials where an old fellow says “Pepperidge Fahm remembers…” That’s the Norfolk whine.

2. South and West of England to Virginia (1642-75). Immigrants who settled in the colony of Virginia tended to be wealthy Cavaliers (that is, loyal to the King) who came to the New World to become planters. Many elements of their accent can still be heard in rural Virginia, such as their penchant for elongated vowels -stretching “you” into “yeew,” and shortened consonants- “ax” for ask, and “dis” and “dat” for this and that.

3. North Midlands to Pennsylvania and Delaware (1675-1725). In another flight to escape religious persecution, Quakers, largely from the middle and northern parts of England, also settled in the New World. Their speech patterns, characterized by shorter vowel sounds -a short “a” for dance, not the Yankee and East Anglican “dahnce,” or the South England and Virginia “day-ence”- formed the basis for the flat Midwestern American accent we hear today, which has since been adopted as the standard American “non-regional” accent spoken by most newscasters.

4. Borderlands to the Backcountry (1715-75). The so-called “Scotch-Irish” fled their poverty-stricken homeland of northern England and southern Scotland, first to northern Ireland and then to America’s mid-Atlantic coast. These new arrivals were considered uncultured and unruly and didn’t mix well with the established settlers, so most kept going to settle in the backcountry of the Appalachian Mountains. Their distinctive accent can still be heard in many Southern regions: “far” for fire, and “winder” for window. The Borderlands accent gave rise to the twangy “country” accent heard in the poorer parts of the South -as opposed to the more south-of-England “Southern gentleman” drawl heard in more affluent regions. Thank you Yosemite Sam for the former and Foghorn Leghorn for the latter.

THE HUDDLED MASSES

After achieving independence, the United States expanded westward and fresh waves of immigrants arrived in New York, New Orleans, and other port cities. The Northeast kept closer ties with Britain, which explains why Bostonians caught onto the English trend of broadening the “a” in bath, while the flatter pronunciation was used in most of the rest of the country.

WORLD TOUR

Just as it was with the English, immigrants from other countries tended to stick together when they got to America. Here’s a look at where they came from, where they ended up, and how the way they spoke then still affects the way people in the United States speak today.

* Germany. After England, Germany produced the largest wave of U.S. immigrants between the 1680s and the 1760s. Arriving first in Pennsylvania, the newcomers adopted the nasal tones of their Quaker neighbors who had come from England, then added their own clipped German speech patterns. The biggest German influence is the hard “r” found at the end of words -“river” vs. “rivah”- and is the feature that most distinguishes American speech from British. The trend spread as settlers moved into the Midwest and beyond.

*The Netherlands. When settlers from New England moved south to New York, there was already a sizable Dutch population. The mixture of the two groups formed the famous Brooklyn accent (think of Bugs Bunny), in which bird is often pronounced “boid,” these and those, “deez” and “doze,” and coffee, “caw-fee.” Unlike most other immigrant languages, which were abandoned for English within a generation or two, the Dutch language lingered in New York for three centuries. (Theodore Roosevelt grew up hearing his grandparents speak it at the dinner table as late as the 1860s.) While other immigrant groups have influenced the classic New York accent, it come primarily from original Dutch settlers.

* Russia and Poland. Arriving in New York in the late 1800s and early 1900s, Yiddish-speaking Jews from eastern Europe added many new words and humorous turns of phrase to English, including “I should live so long,” “I need it like I need a hole in the head!” and “What’s up?” Interestingly, although “New Yawk tawk” has become strongly associated with Jewish immigrants, Yiddish seems to have had little affect on the accent itself, which was adopted by the Irish, Italians, Chinese, and dozens of other ethnicities who live in New York. Actual spoken Yiddish -which is very clipped and Germanic- sounds very little like the New York accent.

* Scandinavia. Immigrants from northern Europe settled in the upper Midwest, and many aspects of their Old World accents persist to this day. Referred to as both the Minnesota accent and the Great Lakes accent, it is most notable for the overpronunciation of vowels, especially the long “o” sound, as in “dontcha know.” If you’ve seen the 1996 dark comedy Fargo, that’s a good example of the Minnesota accent (although most native speakers claim that it’s a bit exaggerated in the film).

* France. Much of the French influence on the American accent ended up in Louisiana. Cajuns were originally French settlers who had moved down from Acadia in the eastern part of Canada. In 1765 the British took over, and loyal Acadians fled and resettled in New Orleans, still French territory. Cajun French is very old, dating from the 1600s. It might be understood by someone in Paris today, but only with some effort. The Cajun accent (like the food) has a very distinctive flavor -“un-Yon,” “ve-HIC-le,” and “gay-Ron-tee,” and “LOO-ziana.”

* Africa. The speech of slaves brought over from West Africa had a strong effect on American English. However, its exact origin is hard to trace. There are a number of West African languages, and slaves were intentionally separated from members of their own groups to make it difficult for them to conspire. That led to what are called pidgins -simple languages with few rules that were cobbled together from two or more languages. According to some theories, this was the origin of what is now called African American Vernacular English (AAVE). It has been called ebonics, but use of that term is controversial. Many linguists now believe that West African languages had little if any influence on AAVE, and that its origin can be traced to early Southern dialects brought over from England. Nevertheless, some of the cadence and lilt of the Southern accent -spoken by both blacks and whites- probably comes from African slaves. Some linguists believe this could be because black women served as nannies to white children, and those relationships helped blend the two speaking styles.

BARN IN THE USA

Not all accents were brought over from other countries. A few are as American as apple pie.

* In a small section of southern Utah, there is an accent in which “ar” sounds are transposed with “or” sounds. It’s uncertain how this way of speaking came about, but people who live in this region don’t say “born in a barn,” rather “barn in a born.”

* A relatively young accent, Valley Girl, or “Valspeak,” began in the 1980s. The most defining characteristic: Raising the intonation at the end of a sentence as if it were a question. Originating in the San Fernando Valley of southern California, Valspeak may be one of the most uniquely American accents. Some linguists speculate its roots may be traced to refugees from the Ozarks who moved to California during the Dust Bowl era of the 1930s.

HOMOGENIZATION

U.S. regional accents are in danger of being lost. Because of TV, movies, video games, and YouTube, kids learn less about speaking from their parents and their grandparents than they do from the likes of the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and Pixar. Result: A young boy in Boston might pretend to “park the car,” and a teenage girl in Georgia might roll her eyes when her mother says “Y’all.” If this trends continues, then perhaps one day there will be just one American accent.

_________________________

This article is reprinted with permission from Uncle John's Fully Loaded Bathroom Reader.

Get ready to be thoroughly entertained while occupied on the throne. Uncle John has ruled the world of information and humor for 25 years, and the anniversary edition is the Fully Loaded Bathroom Reader.

Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. If you like Neatorama, you'll love the Bathroom Reader Institute's books - go ahead and check 'em out!

By B.T. Doran  Published: February 24th, 2014  The ancient Greeks believed that inspiration came from the Muses, goddesses who came down from Olympus to help common mortals create great works of art. But nowadays we know that creative minds get their ideas from pretty much whatever random shit co

by Bradford Evans

Influential comedy writer, actor, and director Harold Ramis passed away today at the age of 69, The Chicago Tribune reports. Ramis, who wrote, directed, and acted in countless hit comedies, died from complications related to autoimmune inflammatory vasculitis, a rare disease involving the swelling of blood vessels. He died surrounded by friends and family at 12:53am. Ramis's serious health problems began in 2010, but he kept quiet about his illness publicly. Prior to his death, he was visited by frequent collaborators Brian Doyle-Murray and Bill Murray, having been estranged from the latter for years. Ramis is survived by wife Erica Mann Ramis, daughter Violet Stiel, sons Julian and Daniel Ramis and two grandchildren. A private service is being set up for this week, and a public memorial is being planned for May in Ramis's native Chicago.

Ramis got his start at Chicago's famed Second City theater in the late '60s, where he worked alongside John Belushi, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, John Candy, Catherine O'Hara, Joe Flaherty, Brian Doyle-Murray, and more. Ramis stuck with that group, working on The National Lampoon Radio Hour and the live show The National Lampoon Show with many of them before jumping to television as a cast member and the original head writer on beloved and long-running sketch show SCTV. Ramis was part of the show's original cast, acting alongside Candy, Flaherty, O'Hara, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, and Dave Thomas, before departing after its third season and tackling the movie world.

He found success with movies quickly too, writing, directing, and/or starring in some of his generation's most popular big-screen comedies. After co-writing hits Animal House and Meatballs and following those up by directing his first movie, Caddyshack, Ramis played deadpan sidekick to Bill Murray in Stripes and both Ghostbusters, having co-written all three movies.

His performance as Egon Spengler in Ghostbusters is easily Ramis's most notable acting role, but he continued to make big movies as a writer-director for decades. Ramis also directed the first National Lampoon's Vacation, co-wrote and directed Groundhog Day, Analyze This, and many more, before finding success recently as a TV director, helming many of The Office's best-known episodes. Groundhog Day, probably his greatest movie, earned him a BAFTA Award but was deserving of so much more.

In Harold Ramis's final movie as a director, the critically-panned biblical comedy Year One, he had a cameo as Adam, the first human. I'm not sure if the cameo was an intentional winking reference to his wide sphere of influence in the comedy world, but it's pretty accurate as you'll see by the outpouring of memorial tweets from his colleagues and filmmakers who he influenced. Harold Ramis was the Adam of modern comedy.

0 Comments

Harold Ramis, SCTV alumni, Ghostbuster, and director of films such as Caddyshack and Groundhog Day (previously discussed on the blue here and here, among other moments), passed away this morning at 69.

Why, leopards? WHY?

This idea is not attractive to me






















































THE END

read more

Moga drew this, which I found on her Tumblr blog. I first thought, poor kid, wait until she drops that school block and picks up the debt block, plus the blocks for job, marriage, kids, divorce, loss, loneliness, and illness. But along the way, you find out that you are stronger than you ever realized you could be. I did not want to actually say all that (except in my mind) until after I saw the followup panels, which you can see if you continue reading.  

 

The original piece called “Drowning” drew over 200,000 Tumblr notes, plus other responses from people who empathized with her, were concerned and wanted to help, or just loved it. A few days later, Moga posted this follow-up piece with the caption:

I’ve never been good with words, so I drew this to thank everyone for the overwhelming support about my recent piece “Drowning”.

And then a few days later this one appeared.

Her second followup work reflects what I had thought.   

Most importantly: you’re stronger than you think.

You can follow Moga’s art at Draw. Pray. Love. Or at her official website, or on DeviantART. -via Wil Wheaton

Galicia é a primeira produtora de camelia do Estado e é o segundo país do mundo con máis variedades desta planta, só superado por Xapón

El condenado a muerte se sienta al revés en la silla eléctrica, mirando al respaldo. Su última cena ha sido dos paquetes de pipas peladas y una cantimplora Zumrok®. Está flipao.

(Publicado en el núm. 3 de la revista Don).

(source)

read more

(via)

¡CALVOS!

Los Thunderbolts son un grupo de antiguos villanos convertidos en superhéroes de Marvel Comics, formado tras la finalización de la saga de Onslaught, aunque suelen relacionarse como el primer equipo de antiheroes puesto que en las filas del equipo han pasado villanos como heroes que han operado tanto como superhéroes como villanos en la formación, y así como aquellos villanos convertidos en superhéroes que volvieron a la villanía y viceversa.

Los Thunderbolts, un grupo formado por Ciudadano V, Meteorito, Atlas, Mach-1, Pájaro Cantor, Tecno y posteriormente Jolt, todos ellos previamente desconocidos, hizo su aparición unos días después de finalizada la gran lucha en la cual murióOnslaught. Su primera aparición como Thunderbolts fue en Hulk #449 donde combatían a Hulk, apareciendo posteriormente en un especial titulado en Tales of the Marvel Universe.

Combatieron ya en el primer número de su propia serie regular a unos saqueadores llamados Las Ratas y a la Brigada de Demolición, pero al final de su primer aventura se supo que el grupo era un engaño: los supuestos Thunderbolts eran en realidad identidades ficticias asumidas por los Amos del Mal (Barón Zemo, Piedra Lunar, Goliath, Escarabajo, Mimí Aulladora y Fixer respectivamente).

El propósito de Zemo fue que, al haber aparentemente muerto Los 4 Fantásticos, los Vengadores y gran parte de los super héroes combatiendo a Onslaught, podrían pretender ser super héroes y lograr que, al igual que pasaba con los mencionados grupos, se les confiaran los secretos de defensa y seguridad nacional de los Estados Unidos. (Seguir leyendo aquí)

Idioma: Español.
Editorial: Marvel
Guion: Kurt Busiek, Fabian Nicieza, John Arcudi 
Dibujo: Mark Bagley, Patrick Zircher, Chris Batista, Ruiz Velasco 
Tradumaquetadores: Melkart, Wild, Galactus, Frikybilbao (CRG)
Archivos: 60  (81 Numeros) 
Formato: CBR.
Tamaño: 802 Mb




Descarga:

• Thunderbolts  Vol1

 

Singer-songwriter Nick Waterhouse, who impressed with his 2012 debut Time’s All Gone release LP Holly, due out in March of 2014. The album, produced by Waterhouse and Kevin Augunas (Cold War Kids) is a cohesive selection of work that, presented together, tells a story.
“Thematically this record feels more like a novella, or poem with sections, or even a film, than a collection of songs,” said Waterhouse of the album. “It is a work of fiction with a protagonist, but also a floating omniscient narrator, and fragments of conversation from other characters.”
Waterhouse’s voice is ripped from the mid-’50s, with a slight reverb referencing the single-microphone recording era. As with so many classics of that era, he caps the song off with…

320 kbps | 71 MB | UL | MC ** FLAC

…a werewolf howl followed by an aggressive organ solo, suggesting that not all games are fun and games.

FriXion, una empresa de tecnología, ha diseñado un robot para colaborar activamente en que nuestras sesiones de cibersexo sean más realistas. Es un robot para sentir el sexo virtual tanto para hombres como para mujeres.

Lo que hace realmente el robot es liberar las manos del usuario. Traduce la actividad sexual de un juguete por cable emulando los movimientos y reacciones de cada uno, utilizando telemetría retroalimentada con fuerza bidireccional en tiempo real. Y todo por menos de 200 dólares.

Combinado con Skype y una Webcams, el robot nos garantiza una experiencia más completa. Y desde FriXion asegura que en un futuro próximo será compatible con Google Glass.

Además de ser un dispositivo para optimizar las relaciones sexuales a distancia, FriXion aspira a ser una comunidad online cuyos usuarios son capaces de tocarse mutuamente empleando diversos dispositivos hápticos (háptica, ciencia del tacto). ¿Aún no habéis visto la película nominada al Oscar Her? Pues eso.

La API de FriXion también es abierta para que cualquier desarrollador pueda crear nuevos pluggins que soporten nuevos dispositivos o nuevas funcionalidades. No obstante, FriXion solo será posible si logra encontrar socios para propicien el lanzamiento del producto en 2014.

Vía | Yorokobu

-
La noticia FriXion: el robot de masturbación asistida fue publicada originalmente en Xatakaciencia por Sergio Parra.

How To Not Watch Woody Allen: Suitable replacements for every single one of his movies.

  

  






    





     






     

[Photograph: Sydney Oland]

Note: Dashi can be made by combining 1 quart of water with a 6-inch piece of kombu (sea kelp) and bringing it to a simmer over high heat. Remove from heat and add 1 cup of loosely packed katsuobushi flakes. Alternatively, dashi can be purchased in powdered form.

About the author: Sydney Oland lives in Somerville, Mass. Find more information at sydneyoland.com (or read eatingnosetotail.com)

Special equipment: large non-stick skillet

Ingredients

serves Makes 4 large pancakes, active time 45 minutes, total time 45 minutes

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/3 cups dashi or low-sodium chicken stock (see note above)
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 8 cups finely chopped cabbage
• 2 cups chopped raw shrimp
• 8 scallions, sliced, divided
• Kosher salt, to taste
• 8 slices bacon, sliced in half
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• Kewpie Mayonnaise
• Okonomiyaki or tonkatsu sauce
• Toasted sesame seeds
• Pickled ginger

Procedures

1. In a large bowl whisk together flour, dashi or stock, and eggs. Add chopped cabbage and mix so that the cabbage is gently crushed into the batter. Fold in shrimp and scallion whites then season with salt.

2. Heat 1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil in a large non-stick skillet over medium high heat until shimmering. Add 1/4 of the batter, gently pushing the batter down with a spatula until flattened. Cook until underside is browned, about 4 minutes, then place 4 pieces of halved bacon on the top side. Gently flip the pancake so that the side with the bacon is now cooking. Cook until the bacon is crisp and the pancake is cooked through, about 5 more minutes. Serve immediately with mayonnaise, okonomiyaki sauce, toasted sesame seeds, pickled ginger, and scallion greens. Repeat with remaining pancakes.

Sweet Child O' Mine as New Orleans Jazz - Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox and singer Miche Braden take on the 1987 composition by Guns N' Roses and their Orchestra, "Sweet Child O' Mine" If you're like me and your brain is constantly imagining things like "What would Mozart's Clarinet Concerto in A sound like as bluegrass?" or "Would these numbers still smell like bread if the font was Comic Sans?" this could be the most important video link of your Saturday.