Christopher Lantz

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(Video link) In case you're still wistful for some spooky Halloween-type stuff, but are secretly excited for the winter holidays, here is the great Christopher Lee, narrating the poem "The Nightmare Before Christmas" by Tim Burton. Burton wrote his poem in 1982 while working as an animator for Disney (the same year he made his short, Vincent), then later turned into one of the best stop-motion movies ever. 'Tis the season, whichever season you prefer! (via Neatorama)

Awesome!

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Keep it going!

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US district judge Gladys Kessler has ordered the world's largest tobacco companies to pay for a two-year, national US advertising campaign to apologize for lying about smoking's health risks, and for perverting the science on the issue.

Kessler's ruling on Tuesday, which the companies could try to appeal against, aims to finalise the wording of five different statements the companies will be required to use.

One of them begins: "A federal court has ruled that the defendant tobacco companies deliberately deceived the American public by falsely selling and advertising low tar and light cigarettes as less harmful than regular cigarettes."

Another statement includes the wording: "Smoking kills, on average, 1,200 Americans. Every day."

Tobacco companies ordered to admit they lied over smoking danger [Reuters/Guardian]

ohvex:

why I have such chronic bitch face in photos I will never know. I was dressed all in white on cam and it looked kinda cute 

It seems as if the ol' super official privacy notice is making its rounds on Facebook again. For your edification, in case you were planning on posting it yourself, it does nothing. It may seem like it's legit because it's written in semi-legalese, but it's basically a glorified "keep off the grass" sign.

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The magnificent Professor Elemental returns.

 

(See also his marvellous “Cup Of Brown Joy.”  Which is much less filthy than it sounds.)

Shape Shifting Lizard Skin Cream, by Darren Cullen & Mark Tolson.

Shapeshifting from lizard to human form is great for controlling Earth so you can mine gold to save your dying homeworld, but it’s not so great for your skin. When you’re juggling appointments and global depopulation deadlines, you don’t have time for an exhaustive skincare regime, especially after you’ve been up all night sodomising infants on a blood-soaked altar.

That’s why there’s new Hypoallergenic Shapeshifting Lizard Skin Cream, for the hard-working reptilian overlord who wants to crush the human race AND look great. Revitalise dry cracked scales with the nutrifying formula, penetrating your watertight, abrasive epidermis with vitamin-enriched micro-molecules.

Never again spend hours removing crusty nodules from your armoured eyelids or sandblasting your segmented underbelly. Instead, spend your life-cycle on the things that really matter to you: eating babies, manipulating financial markets and basking on rocks in the warm glow of Earth’s home star.

Whichever form you’ve taken, simply lather the cream onto tough lizard scales or weak and thin human tissue. The vitamin E rich formula gets to work fast, leaving your external membrane hard, reinforced and radiant.

Start each day with that “just-shed-skin” feeling!

Buy it here. (via BB Flickr Pool)

Smosh and Mike Diva team up to show the dubstep has on typically boring commercials.

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Be grateful with walls.

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In this video uploaded by DailyDumpster, watch as a man gobbles at a rafter of caged turkeys and they gobble back at him. He finds it quite hilarious, as you will see.

via Pee-wee Herman

“Ross Marquand is paid a visit by several celebrity actors…and they’re not happy.”

Los Angeles-based actor and impressionist Ross Marquand created Impress-A-Vention, a video that creatively shows off his talent for impersonating actors. In it, he plays the part of several personalities who are waiting for him when he gets home to give him an impressionist intervention (an “Impress-A-Vention).

via Tastefully Offensive

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Visit Dorkly for more lulz! Get Over Here and Play a Video Game

LoL by: Unknown (via Dorkly)

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