AKRON, OH—Using the icon of a sleigh to denote his unmistakable presence near a residence in northeastern Ohio, NORAD’s official tracking app confirmed that Santa Claus paid a visit to his former girlfriend’s house around 3 a.m. Wednesday. “With our state-of-the-art satellite technology, we can see that ol’ St. Nick parked his reindeer on the roof and took a chimney straight down into the living room of a woman he used to know back in his single days,” said chief technologist Tom Chrzanowski, noting that the jolly old elf only visited the home of his old flame Sheila Bickford after first stopping at a local bar where he reportedly gathered his courage by consuming a few double eggnogs. “Children tracking Santa’s whereabouts at home on their iPads will be relieved to know longer visits to this location do not mean another kid is getting more presents than they are. Santa’s last visit to his ex’s house was in March 2006, when our radar detected him sneaking out his window while Mrs. Claus was asleep.” At press time, NORAD’S tracker confirmed Santa’s location for the foreseeable future would be the basement couch of his North Pole residence.
READING, PA—Saying the snot-nosed brat sure as hell better not expect any damn frankincense or myrrh, sources confirmed Friday that a bullshit newborn wasn’t even Jesus Christ, the Son of God. “There’s not a fucking chance this useless goddamn baby is going to die for our sins,” said the child’s uncle Brandon Lowrey, explaining that beyond being born in a hospital instead of a manger, the absolute disgrace of an infant wasn’t actually a boy at all, but in fact a girl. “I bet this little shit isn’t even related to God, let alone a direct relative. I should have known when I didn’t see a single Star of Bethlehem shining above that twerp to beckon wise men from the East. That dumbass baby couldn’t redeem a ham sandwich.” Lowrey added that the good-for-nothing child’s mother was no virgin either.
A colleague of mine who used to work in product support told me that they had a procedure if a customer became irate and demanded to speak with Bill Gates. (This was, of course, back in the days when Bill Gates still ran the company.)
The product support technician would apologize for not resolving the problem to the customer’s satisfaction, but if the customer continued to demand to speak with The Boss, the technician would indeed transfer the customer.
The customer was transferred to a special internal phone number, and when the operators saw a call on that line, they took the call and said, “Bill Gates’s office.” They weren’t actually in Bill Gates’s office. They were just pretending to be Bill Gates’s secretary. Their job was to tell the caller that Mr. Gates is currently unavailable, but if the customer leaves a message and their contact information, they will pass the information to Mr. Gates.
Of course, I assume¹ the information was never actually passed along to Bill. The information went back into the product support channel with a note that the customer was escalated to “Bill Gates’s office.” The technician who returned the call would probably say something like “Bill Gates asked me to contact you to follow up on an issue you had earlier.”
¹ Maybe Bill got a copy or a summary of these messages, I don’t know.
A customer didn’t understand why their Win32 accelerator key for Ctrl+M was triggering spuriously. Specifically, it was triggering when the user hit the Enter key, which is nothing like the Ctrl+M two-key combination.
They defined their accelerator table like this:
IDA_MAIN ACCELERATORS
BEGIN
"^M", IDM_MUMBLE
END
Accelerator key definitions can be done by character or by virtual key code. If you use a quoted string, then you are defining a character accelerator which triggers when that character is entered by whatever means. For example, if you define a character accelerator for "0", it will trigger if the user presses the 0 key on the top row of the keyboard, or if they press the Numpad0 key on the numeric keypad, or even if they type Alt+Numpad4,Numpad8 to type the character by entering its character code on the numeric keypad.
In the above case, the accelerator was defined as the character ^M, which is shorthand for Ctrl+M, or character code 13. There are multiple ways to enter that character code. You could type Ctrl+M on the keyboard, or you could press the Enter key.
If you want the accelerator to trigger only for the case of Ctrl+M, then you want to define a virtual key accelerator, not a character accelerator.
IDA_MAIN ACCELERATORS
BEGIN
"M", IDM_MUMBLE, CONTROL, VIRTKEY
END
Virtual key accelerators trigger only when the specified keys are pressed. In our case, we want the M virtual key in combination with the CTRL key.
Conversely, if you want the accelerator to trigger only for the Enter key, you would specify that key as a virtual key.
IDA_MAIN ACCELERATORS
BEGIN
VK_RETURN, IDM_MUMBLE, VIRTKEY
END
There are two more key-to-control-character combinations that you may stumble across.
Backspace becomes the character ^H.
Tab becomes the character ^I.
Technically, there is a third combination:
Esc becomes the character ^[.
However, the Resource Compiler does not accept "^[" as a control key, so you aren’t going to run into that one by mistake.
I was the original poster who wrote about the hometown hero American Idol contestant. Every time it has been posted, lots of people guess who it was or hope it was their favorite. And I have kind of wanted to let everyone believe it was their guy. But also, maybe the actual guy and his family should get the accolades.
It was Christmas 2008 at Children’s Hospital Colorado, and it was Ace Young and his family.
As I said, I had never watched the show but knew of him. But he had serious charisma. And distractingly bright blue eyes. I still remember how many grown adults giggled and blushed.
A couple of years ago, someone shared what I consider to be the best holiday date story of all time, and it must be shared here again. Enjoy:
When I was fresh out of college, a dude in my social circle invited me to his fancy work Christmas party. He was a teacher, so I’d kind of assumed I was there as friend to act as a buffer between well-intentioned female colleagues who wanted to set him up with one another, with their daughters, etc. I was wrong! This invitation to a work Christmas party was meant to be the first date of a magical relationship between two people destined to be together. Why a magical relationship? When I opened the door, he said he’d hope we’d have a magical night leading to a magical relationship. Then HE DID A MAGIC TRICK. I was… startled.
The party was at a country club, where he drove around and around looking for a space while I said “they have valet. it’s only valet” over and over. Inside there was a coat check. He didn’t want to leave his coat–because there were additional magic tricks secreted inside. We went in, got our drink tickets and our seating assignment. I sat down at a table that was mostly single women several years older than we were. He offered to get me a drink, and I asked for a glass of any kind of wine. He came back several minutes later with a mudslide because girls love mudslides, because they’re chocolate and girls love chocolate. I don’t. But he tried! That’s sweet! Right? Over dinner, I tried to make that sort of general polite conversation people make around banquet tables with strangers. He kept jostling my arm to get my attention to show me another magic trick.
At the beginning of the evening, I really thought we were casual friends, but I was single and kind of open to dating this guy if we got on well. Maybe that hokey line was a story we’d tell our grandchildren! But it was becoming increasingly clear that this guy was Not for Me. That didn’t mean I wanted to embarrass him in front of his principal, though. I finally said something like, “Would you mind terribly saving those for after dinner? I’m really interested in hearing more about Harriet’s begonias, aren’t you?”
He pushed his chair back and stalked across the ballroom to a piano. He plopped down and proceeded to pound out an assortment of sad pop hits. There was Muzak-y Christmas music, but he was gonna play the piano anyway. At this point, I was embarrassed to have come with this guy. My tablemates were embarrassed for me. One of them left and came back with the glass of wine I’d asked for initially. I drank it while the middle aged ladies at our table told me all about their various bad dates. More wine showed up. Then someone asked if I like martinis and brought a martini. Apparently none of them drank, and, as my date played “You’re So Vain” while staring mournfully at me, I drank my way through pretty much all their drink tickets. I am an effusively nice drunk person. I told each and every one of these women that they were beautiful angels shaping tomorrow’s great minds to recognize the power of sisterhood and human kindness. Or something to that general effect. My memory is a bit fuzzy, for obvious, gin-based reasons.
My date wanted to leave, so I went to coat check. I tipped the coat check person, and he reached in the tip jar to fish out my money. I thought he was going to pay the tip. Nope. He told me coat check is free. I said I know. I put my tip back in the jar and sidestepped him when he tried to help with my jacket. His department chair and her husband appeared and said that my apartment was on their way and they’d be happy to drive me. I told them they were “hashtag relationship goals” and made an actual hashtag with my fingers.
I was driven home by way of Taco Bell by these very nice strangers. A week later, the guy called to say his work friends loved me and would I like to go out again. I would not.
A few years later, a friend was telling me about a legendary party her school hosted before she got a job there. A girl nobody knew got plastered and told everyone she loved and appreciated them while her boyfriend played the piano at her and drowned out the Christmas music. I did not reveal my identity. Maybe there’re two of us? I hope there’re two of us.
I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.
1. My employee wants to know where I am at all times
I started a new management role three months ago and am managing a small team. One of my staff was under-performing when I started, and one of my directives was to get them on a coaching plan, which I have. As a result, they have made complaints that I’m out to get them. Luckily I’ve been documenting everything, and my boss has my back.
My boss had a skip-level meeting with them to allow them to air their grievances. During this, they mentioned that my boss and I should always let them know when we have meetings, for how long, and what they’re for. I do let my team know when I’m away for extended periods, but occasionally will be pulled into a last-minute meeting. The nature of our role doesn’t require to be at my desk at all times, but I would say I’m here for 70-80% of the day.
They have now taken to asking my boss “when can we expect you back?” and “who are you off to visit?” every time he leaves the office (which is a big part of his role). My boss is easily reached by mobile/email, and doesn’t have a lot of day-to-day interaction with the team.
I’m of two minds here. On one hand, I’m trying to build a good working relationship with them in order to coach effectively, and I don’t want to seem inflexible. On the other, they don’t need to know where my boss and I are every second of the day, and this seems like a bit of a power play. Any advice on how my boss/I should address this?
I don’t know if it’s a power play exactly, but it’s something weird. You can and should tell your employee that it’s not a practical expectation.
Say this: “You’ve asked that Apollo and I both let you know whenever we have meetings, how long it’ll be, and what for. You can always look at our calendars to see our schedules, but sometimes we’re pulled into last-minute meetings or have reasons for not sharing details about them, and that’s something you’ll need to just roll with. As part of that, please stop asking Apollo to fill you in on where he’s going and who he’s seeing — that’s not info he needs to share with our team.”
It’s good that you want to build a good relationship with this person, but there are higher priorities in this situation right now. You need to speak up when they’re out of line (as they are). Also, based on everything here (especially the complaints that you’re out to get them), it’s pretty likely this isn’t ultimately going to work out … so keep that in your head as you deal with them and think about your timeline for bringing this to a resolution one way or the other.
2. If the caterer mentions my mom at my dad’s wedding, all hell will break loose
My dad is getting remarried very soon. My parents divorced 15 years ago.
He and his fiancee hired the same caterer I had at my wedding, who also catered my mom’s remarriage (that was six months after the divorce). This catering company is tiny, and the people who run it are amazing.
My dad has forbidden us from talking about my mom anywhere near his fiancee. I’m sure the caterers will see me and my sibling and mention my mom. If it happens in front of the bride, I’m sure it will not go well for us (or them, for that matter). We want to head it off at the pass, so to speak. How do I do this when I’m not the one who hired them, but I was their customer in the past?
Anyone who does work for weddings is used to dealing with problematic family dynamics, from “keep Uncle Paul out of the photos with Aunt Liz” to “don’t serve Grandma more than two drinks” to “under no circumstances can you let Cousin Cecil anywhere near the bridesmaids’ table.” Compared to some of those requests, this one is pretty easy!
You could contact them as a happy past customer, explain the situation, and ask that they not mention your mom during the event. You could say “I know this is strange to ask” … but they’ll probably be unfazed.
(Alternately, there’s also the option of deciding it’s not going to be your problem if the bride has a meltdown over the existence of your mother … although it might be worth doing to protect the caterers from that. But are you supposed to pretend your mom doesn’t exist when you’re around your stepmom for the next several decades, and does your dad think this bodes well for the marriage?)
I have a regular, albeit senior level, role with a really “cool”/very well known company. Think head of IT for Manchester United, controller at Nickelodeon, or head of facilities at NASCAR.
I frequently encounter social situations where sharing details of ones job is expected. I hate talking about my job because it draws a lot of attention from people who would otherwise not be interested in me or my work (if not for my “cool” workplace).
Being vague has not worked. I’ll say, “I work in IT” and they’ll ask, “where do you work?” or “what do you do in IT?” Sometimes I’ll throw in the city, as in, “I work in IT in City.” That tends not to work either. It feels awkward to give more than one vague answer because once people pick up on the fact that you’re being vague, their interest is piqued even more. I’ve been in situations where someone will leave me alone and then come back to ask again. When people learn where I work, then they want to know specifically what I do (how senior I am), which again, I don’t really want to talk about.
Any tips on sidestepping discussions of work when people are expecting you to talk about it? Saying that I don’t want to talk about it only leads to more attention and speculation.
I should mention that my social circle, somewhat unwillingly, has changed, and I think that’s why I’m encountering this more often. I get the sense that there is some “sizing up” or competitiveness afoot (most of the people have great jobs and are happy to talk/brag about them). But, even when it isn’t that, I hate talking about work because I talk about it enough at work (and there is a lot I can’t talk about but everyone wants to ask about those things).
I’m surprised people are being so persistent! Even here in D.C. where “what do you do?” is pretty much the first question everyone asks, people generally accept something like “I work in IT” without mounting an inquisition about the details. (Side note: I thought D.C.’s fixation on this was normal until I moved to the Pacific Northwest for a while, where you can go months without knowing what a friend does.)
You could try “I have a job in IT that would make your eyes glaze over” followed by an immediate question about the other person. If you can keep the focus on them, a lot of people will be so pleased to talk about themselves that they won’t realize they’re learning nothing about you.
But it sounds like your circle is so focused on this that you might just need to explain what you do and follow it with, “But I am so talked out about about my job right now and am enjoying not having to think about it in my off hours! Tell me about X instead — that sounds really interesting.”
4. Telling my employee I made a mistake with a client
I read your advice about how a boss should handle making a mistake, but something came up today that’s a little different and I’m not sure the best way to handle it. My report, Joe, met with a client, Alice, who had previously met with me, before Joe started in his role (now that he’s here, he handles client meetings). I know that my meeting with Alice went poorly — she was making unreasonable requests and displayed a level of inflexibility that I knew would not get her where she needed, but I also did not do a good job being client-centered and I could tell our meeting left a poor taste in her mouth. Fast forward to this week and Alice set up a meeting with Joe; in that meeting, I overheard her say (repeatedly) how much better he did and how awful I was to her. She also had totally changed her goals and was asking for something that was much more reasonable. I don’t know if she knew that I could hear her (she would have had to walk by my cubicle to get to him) or if she was just venting. I don’t know if Joe suspects Alice was talking about me, but it was clear he handled the whole thing very professionally.
What do I say to him now? I feel like it’s bad precedent for me to not own up to my mistake, but since her goals are totally different than they were before, our conversation isn’t particularly relevant to the work they’ll do moving forward. I would want to give him more context, but I don’t want him to think I’m being defensive — even though she was being unreasonable in our meeting, I think her frustration with how our meeting went is justified. On top of all this, I of course still feel badly about how the meeting went, so it’s not easy for me to talk about at all.
The best thing you can do is to frame it as giving him useful context (which it is), be up-front and matter-of-fact about what happened, and take responsibility for your role in it. This isn’t a horrible indictment of you — we all have bad days and mess things up, and employees generally draw their conclusions about how from how you handle it when that happens, not from the fact that you’re not perfect.
So for example: “I should give some of the history with Alice. She and I met earlier this year about X, and it didn’t go well. She was asking for (explain unreasonable requests) but I frankly didn’t do a great job of explaining to her what our concerns with that would be. My sense is that our meeting didn’t leave her with a great impression, and that’s on me. I’m hoping that by starting fresh with you, things will go differently.”
First, let’s get one thing clear, Santa: I ain’t a scab. The collective bargaining agreement clearly mandates the sleigh be led by a union-approved eight-reindeer team. Your little “won’t you guide my sleigh tonight” routine is a bald attempt to dilute the team’s negotiating power.
No matter how hurtful their teasing about my shiny red nose, I continue to stand in solidarity with my fellow reindeer.
It’s an open secret among the elves that you’re guilty of gross negligence regarding reindeer safety. True, this is an especially foggy Christmas Eve, but the sleigh ride takes place in the dead of night every single year. No one can see a thing. Dasher, Dancer, et. al. have begged you to equip the sleigh with proper lighting. Instead of headlights, all they get is gaslight: your snide remarks about antler length, your expectation that we should be satisfied with carrots and melted snow-water while you hoard the supply of cookies and milk, your use of mistletoe to sanction sexual misconduct.
Furthermore, your failure to plan for an extremely common weather occurrence has led you to devise a murderously reckless plan, just the latest crisis brought on by late capitalists’ misguided faith in “innovation” and “disruption” as ends in themselves. Clearly, the ever-widening gulf between you and your employees has blinded you to some basic facts about reindeer anatomy, so here’s a quick science lesson, boss man: shiny noses reflect light; they are not themselves sources of light. However, for the sake of argument, pretend a shiny red reindeer nose did, contrary to scientific possibility, emit light—not just figuratively, as in “you would even say it glows,” but literally. Imagine the feeble illuminating power of a light that size. How many lumens are we looking at here, maybe four? And you’re imagining you’ll navigate your way through atmospheric polar fog, relying on nothing but the light of a single red reindeer nose.
Is it your belly or your brain that’s a bowlful of jelly?
As for me, I’ve always seen through your jolly façade. I never asked to guide your death sleigh—in fact, let the record show that I never expressed interest in joining any reindeer games. All I wanted was to get some commonsense anti-discrimination measures on the books, to fast-track reindeer bullies to the naughty list. The dozens of grievances I’ve lodged with the union have been ignored. And why is that, Santa? Because before tonight, my workplace harassment never affected your bottom line.
Your presumption that performing all-night labor on Christmas Eve would fulfill my greatest wish is a testament to the pervasive atmosphere of toxicity you’ve cultivated, wherein reindeer are measured not by their inherent worth but by their willingness to labor in dangerous conditions in exchange for what passes as wages around here: “Christmas spirit.”
Yet it often feels like everyone else is in too deep to object to the exploitation you’ve normalized at the North Pole. In fact, after you asked me to guide the sleigh tonight, the other reindeer suddenly loved me; in fact, they shouted out with glee. I find it alarming, but hardly surprising, that my peers’ support has grown in proportion to my presumed use-value within the yuletide economy. Reindeer without economic utility to exchange for social value are cast aside at the North Pole like so many defective commodities on the Island of Misfit Toys.
Speaking of misfits, Santa, allow me to point out the ultimate irony: you have a shiny red nose. (Mine is congenital, while yours, I suspect, stems from broken capillaries due to your lifelong abuse of eggnog.) In other words, it’s high time you looked in the mirror. These past few days, you’ve been thinking the problem you need to solve is a single, isolated, stormy night. Instead, examine the storm within your own heart, the foggy Christmas Eve of your conscience.
Although my nose will not help you through this fog, I hope my refusal to guide your sleigh tonight acts as a beacon for other reindeer to see the soul-crushing cycle of alienated labor you’ve perpetuated. The time has come for the flying reindeer of the North Pole to unite! We have nothing to lose but our jingle-bell harnesses.
I guess we’ll never know if Cilla rigged the clock to go boom or not. Here ends Destroy History: NEMS. Will Destroy History ever return? Not soon, my friends, not soon. But maybe one day. Never say never. Thank you for your patience and engagement with this tale, saved from the scrapheap and hopefully essayed in an entertaining way.
This is the last comic page of 2025, and the conclusion of my cycle of “parenthetical minis”. SOLVER returns on January 5th with a new story, and a run that will take us hopefully right through 2026 uninterrupted.
The very best of the season to all of you. See you in a couple of weeks.
It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.
I wanted to add that the nudes in question included not only my coworker herself, but also her boyfriend! Anyway, the day after our manager alerted my coworker to the nudes issue, they had a meeting where my coworker assured him that she managed to unlink her photos and apologized for the indiscretion and for “whatever you may have seen.” Manager said he had no idea what she was talking about and promptly changed the subject, so I guess everyone is taking it as a lesson learned.
I truly appreciated the reality check your concise answer gave me – I knew it was the truth but needed to hear it from an outside perspective. The commenters also provided a ton of interesting things to think about, and it was surprisingly pleasant to engage in a non-fraught conversation about religion online!
Later in the fall, my office made a surprising announcement that still feels a little “things that didn’t happen for $500, Alex” – they decided to change half of our flex holidays to PTO for everyone and just close the office on Black Friday, Xmas, and New Year’s Eve, and a few other bank holidays. We also got two more weeks of WFH added to the calendar for everyone. (we’re hybrid)
Turns out a ton of people quitting in a short range of time who all complain about a lack of time off actually sometimes has an impact!
On the day my letter was posted, the candidate I wrote in about had already been hired and was on his third day of training. It was validating to read that I wasn’t off base for googling a company on his resume, and that in the future I should push back at a recruiter if they give me advice that seems incorrect. I did not end up asking him directly about the business at that point because it felt like it was a little late; I figured I would just keep an eye out for any actual behavior that might be reportable. I really appreciated the commenter with a background in bank enforcement who gave his opinion that being vaguely associated with a marijuana business shouldn’t be a big problem for an entry level teller. Also, the other commenter who pointed out that it would be better to come up with a policy on how I will Google candidates across the board going forward (like I will check the top three candidates, or any employer I’m not familiar with) instead of singling some out.
HR does do an official background check after an offer is extended, so it’s not like we would ignore that someone is an embezzler or murderer if they didn’t put it on their resume. It just probably wouldn’t show something “legal but sort of not” like running a dispensary.
My new hire has been fantastic and I am glad we hired him. He’s fun to work with, great with customers and tech, and very willing to jump into new situations head first. I saw nothing that indicated he was running a marijuana business on the side. I did get some closure on the marijuana business situation today: an sweet older lady with personal accounts here who was also on the business registry for the suspect corporation came in and was chatting with him. She mentioned that her husband was still trying to offload the rest of the business, kept knocking the price down, but had no takers. She definitely spoke about the business in the past tense. I’m guessing the updated business registry was because another officer gave up on waiting for a payout and ducked out. I do wish we had just asked about it in the interview and avoided the uncertainty.
A recording of the story appears to have aired on the Global Television Network, one of Canada's largest networks. The story appears to have been taken down, but it is still on a website that captures and preserves webpages.
As I sat at my desk and read your email asking about an update, I took a few moments to look up from my screen and across the office to watch Meredith. Within those few seconds, I saw her pick a scab off her face and eat it.
So yeah.
I had my first conversation with Meredith months ago. Our job is one that exposes us to food, biological material, and chemicals, so at the suggestion of my boss’s boss I approached it from that angle. I pulled Meredith aside and basically said, “I’m not sure you are aware you’re doing this, but sometimes you put your fingers in your nose or pick at your skin. I wanted to flag for you the health hazard that can pose based on us needing to work around foods, chemicals and so closely with other people. Maybe if you find you are needing to do something like that you can excuse yourself to the bathroom.” This poor woman. She simply nodded and said a quick “okay, yeah” and looked like she was mortified and like she had been caught.
I’m sure this is something she has struggled with for a long time and I am sympathetic to that. But I need to have another conversation with her where I lay out that it continues to happen and will likely damage her relationships with her coworkers. I’ve just been putting it off.. because … well this whole situation is terrible. But my boss also said there isn’t really much else we can do about it after this next conversation because “there isn’t a rule against eating your boogers or scabs.”
Now for the other part of the equation: the other employees. My boss sat down with each person individually and said that speaking about a coworker in that way wasn’t acceptable and if they had a concern they needed to bring it to us, and insofar as I can tell that has worked.
However, Angela continued to be a problem in other ways. Other staff were having frustrations because she constantly would blow up at people at work in stressful situations. People felt like they had to walk on eggshells around her. I had many one-on-ones with her where I told her that the behavior wasn’t acceptable, and she was remorseful but also frustrated. She viewed her angry outbursts as justified because others didn’t meet her work standards and said that other people were bullying her by icing her out. Which they were because they were scared of her outbursts. She said I wasn’t allowed to “police her feelings.” I said the feelings weren’t the problem, it was the behavior. She said she didn’t feel like this team was a good fit for her. She started looking for other jobs and my boss told everyone to basically ignore her so I wasn’t allowed to continue towards any kind of actual consequence for the behaviors. She found another job and doesn’t keep in touch.
You’d think that with Angela gone, things would be better, but they’re not. New issues with staff interpersonal dynamics have continued to pop up constantly. I feel like I’m being asked to constantly put out fires without water and simultaneously being told the fires are my fault. All in all, I’ve been pretty unhappy at work this year.
9 A.M. Open library, feeling refreshed and ready for the day.
10:30 A.M. Send another overdue notice to the impish man who checked out Tom Sawyer months ago and listed last known address as “Heaven.” Men like this are why I’m a single spinster.
12:30 P.M. Head to the eye doctor after lunch. Need new glasses as eyesight continues to deteriorate due to being said single spinster. Told by doctor it could improve if I cut down on reading and start dating adult men who shout “Hee-haw!”
1:30 P.M. Go straight to chiropractor from eye doctor to check on weird gait I picked up. Given similar advice: condition is degenerative and can only be corrected with holy matrimony.
2:15 P.M. Return to library. Intend to ignore medical advice but have strange urge to find man who will lasso me the moon.
2:30 P.M. Catalog some books. Read some books. Take quick midafternoon break and head to The Old Maid Store. Purchase new ugly hat and unflattering trench.
3:30 P.M. Back to work. Locate The Official Old Maid Handbook and re-read section on over-the-top high-pitched scream to be used should a madman yell at you claiming to be your husband.
5:00 P.M. Close library. As if on cue, get yelled at by madman claiming to be my husband.
5:01 P.M. Employ over-the-top high-pitched scream technique. Absolutely nail it.
5:05 P.M. Runs into bar. Get embraced and protected by friends. Grateful for community in this picturesque walkable town I live in, despite police officer who opens fire into crowded street on said madman.
5:10 P.M. JELL-O SHOTS AND KARAOKE.
7:00 P.M. Stumble home to house with functioning bannister post and no kids poorly rehearsing piano.
9:00 P.M. Crawl into bed exhausted from the cultural weight of being the town spinster librarian, but grateful I can read all day and enjoy peace and quiet and generally do whatever the hell I want. It actually is a wonderful life.
I appreciated your advice, as well as the commentary from the reader community. Your reply was spot on to how I felt as well — vacation time was part of my compensation package, and them backtracking verbally after agreeing to it in an official offer that I signed felt very, very wrong. I had also declined another offer to take this one, so I felt betrayed in a sense with a bait and switch.
I was so incredibly thankful that you answered my letter, and your reply came at the perfect time when I was thinking about what to do next. I took your advice and went back for another conversation with HR only, with the recruiter who I’d been working with. Turns out she had no idea that the call had even happened! Once I told her about it, thankfully, she was fantastic and her professionalism was off the charts. She was absolutely horrified! She apologized and immediately scheduled a private internal call just with her and the people involved at the company to “get to the bottom” of what they told me. She then set a meeting with me for the next week, after she had that call to get up to speed internally. I noted another red flag that she wasn’t aware, and that the internal business teams aren’t communicating well with HR, which is a personal pet peeve of mine based on my experience as a manager at other companies.
In that time, I got another offer from another company (!), which definitely helped me feel less nervous about the outcome on this opportunity. I’d say I’m living proof that your advice about continuing to interview to not hang your hopes on one role is spot on. It was really key for my mental health to have options vs. feeling like I was at the mercy of whatever they decided.
A week later, when we spoke next, the HR recruiter apologized again, and while she didn’t excuse it, she was able to share some internal happenings at the company as background to why that messaging was given to me. I won’t share it too specifically here as it was an unusual situation with managers being hired and moving around in specific regions of the company that would directly affect my role, but I took it into consideration as she re-committed that what they agreed to in my offer is what I’d get there. I thanked her and told her I still wasn’t sure if I could commit to the role any more, and asked for some time to think it over (three days) which she agreed to. I considered both offers during this time (and also interviewed again for another role!).
After much soul searching with my partner, there was enough else I liked about the opportunity, the people, and the company and based on that I decided to take the role. I especially appreciated your advice about how this was a “wait and see” situation — it could be terrible or it could be nothing — which I ultimately agreed with and was a big part of taking the role. As you share in your advice so often, it’s so much easier to get a job while having a job, so I thought even if I was miserable I wouldn’t be stuck for too long.
And, now about nine months later, I can say I am very glad I took the role! It’s really been a wonderful experience after leaving a toxic company. People have been welcoming and respectful and I work on a fantastic team with a lot of opportunities for growth. My manager has ended up becoming one of my biggest supporters, and I recently got promoted as well! While no work place is perfect — there are things I’d definitely change if I could — it’s a mostly good, respectful, and collaborative environment. Knowing my manager now, I’m surprised she acted that way back then, and I’ve taken vacation since without issue.
But I think a lot about how it was important to push for what’s important and have the courage to speak up about your boundaries and deal breakers in a job seeking situation, because no one else will do it for you! If I hadn’t pushed back and advocated, I don’t know if I would’ve gotten the same experience and have been able to start a new role with confidence. To everyone reading this — know your worth, be respectful always, and it’s so crucially important to be your biggest advocate as a job seeker.
So, thank you again, Alison and this community, for the advice. It made a very positive difference in my life and career at this point in my life.
Since it appears that Houston not only will miss out on a white Christmas, we’ll have pretty toasty one instead, we thought we’d spread some holiday cheer with a Festivus-themed Q&A. We do these every so often, and you can always leave questions for future Q&As in the Weather Talk category of our Discourse forum. Time to saddle up Rudolph and get to answering!
Q. You’ve been talking about “White Christmas” a lot, but how many times in Houston have we actually had snow on Christmas Day? Is that kind of information readily available and if so, where would I find it?
A. Snow on Christmas feels like a true Festivus miracle in Houston. This is because our city is located pretty far south, and near the warm Gulf. It can snow here and roughly speaking we get at least some flurries about once every four years. But most commonly these snowfalls come in January or February. It is more difficult to get air cold enough, with lingering moisture for snowfall, in December. But we have had one White Christmas in Houston, at least for a majority of the area.
Not Christmas (Jan. 21, 2025, actually), but if it snowed on Christmas in Houston, this is what it might look like! (Dwight Silverman photo)
Most locations along and south of I-10 recorded meaningful snow on Christmas Eve, 2004. Areas such as Alvin and Brazos got 6 or more inches (see more totals here). I lived in Clear Lake at the time, and I remember walking outside that night, holding my two-month-old daughter, so she could experience it. For most locations the snow stuck into Christmas morning. Houston had never recorded a White Christmas before then, and we have not since. So yes, it is possible. But the odds of seeing one again in our lifetimes is probably pretty low. The chance of it happening this week is zero.
I don’t know of any source of information that’s just about snowfall, but you look up historical weather data here and here.
– Eric
Q. Sometimes I feel like this forecast is for a completely different city. I ran outside this morning in a T-shirt and shorts and at no point was I cold. Also, my temp was 47 on my ride into work at 4 a.m. today, Tomball to Woodlands. Last week, or maybe two weeks ago, my dashboard thermometer said 39, and it was legitimately cold outside. And again, SCW said it hit freezing that day. Something with the temps doesn’t align with what I actually see. It’s a solid 8-10 degree gap each time. What gives?
A. All right, air your grievances, reader!
So, we can’t speak specifically to the cases you’re talking about here. However, there is some context to add. First off, never, ever trust your car thermometer. Just don’t. Most temperature sensors in the area are calibrated to a certain degree of accuracy, whereas your car thermometer can be wrong due to any number of reasons. Even at night, when heat isn’t radiating off the pavement, it can still be too warm. Perception and reality are two very different things.
On any given morning, there can actually be temperature variability. Take last Monday for example. Temperatures ranged from 28 to 35 across the region in the morning. Back on December 9th, the differences were even greater, with temperatures ranging from 36 to 48 degrees. Morning lows depend on proximity to the Gulf, urban heat island, and cloud cover, among other things. So we may say that it’s freezing in parts of the area, which would be true. However, in other parts? Maybe not.
And your own personal experience running with a T-shirt and shorts is probably different than if my neighbor chose the same attire. (For the record, I’d probably be with you on it not feeling too bad.) Everyone adapts to cold differently and feeling one thing or seeing one thing in your backyard and seeing another in another location doesn’t necessarily make any of those temperatures incorrect. But just don’t use the car thermometer!
– Matt
Q. What makes the jet stream move? Why does it move north and south, and give us El Niño and La Niña?
A. The jet stream is, essentially, a narrow river of wind in the upper atmosphere at about 30,000 feet. This is near the cruising altitude of many airplanes. The jet stream shifts north and south in response to cold and warm air masses. Generally, the Northern Hemisphere jet stream shifts north during the summer and shifts south during the winter months.
As you note, the presence of El Niño and La Niña also play a role in the location of the jet stream. For example, we are currently experiencing a La Niña in the equatorial Pacific Ocean, which should continue for the next month or two. During a La Niña winter the jet stream often meanders high into the North Pacific and and is less reliable across the southern tier of the United States. For us in Texas, that generally means a warmer and drier winter, which we are going to experience this week.
A typical La Niña jet stream setup. (NOAA)
Q. I finally got rain at my house! Things are still a little dry but it was welcome. How much rain has to fall before a drought is considered over?
A. The unsatisfying answer to this question is very much “it depends.”
Much like every flood, every drought has a unique set of circumstances. It depends on the time of year, duration of dryness, prior weather in the weeks and months leading up to that point, soil and geography, and on and on. All droughts have fingerprints that differ from previous ones. Some are more water-supply problematic. Others are not a problem for water supply but a serious one for farming and livestock. Some come with high fire danger, others will slightly less fire danger. Again, it all depends.
In general, you want to make up most of the deficit you’ve accrued since the drought began, but it needs to occur over a sufficiently long period of time for the soil and system to respond adequately. Getting 20 inches of rain in a day when you’ve racked up a 20-inch deficit over 8 months will only temporarily ease drought. But 15 inches of rain spaced out over 3 months is probably enough to do it. Like all things weather and climate, it’s nuanced!
– Matt
Q. With climate change causing, well, changes to the climate, at what point does “unusual for the season” become “the new normal”? When do meteorologists get to say “80 on Christmas is about normal for this time of year”? And I wish I didn’t have to ask this question!
A. I wish that as well. But here we are.
When meteorologists use normals, we are referring to an average of temperatures over the past 30 years. (To see Houston’s normal temperatures, go here). These get updated every decade. So at present, our “normal” temperatures are based on a period from 1991 to 2020. Over time these “normals” have been warming due, at least in part, to climate change. For example, the map below shows how the dataset for “December maximum temperatures” changed when the dataset switched from 1981-2010 to 1991-2020. Nearly the entire country had a “new normal” that was 0.5 to 2 degrees warmer, on average.
At present the “normal” high is 64 degrees in Houston on Christmas Day, and the “normal” low is 44 degrees. This year, for many of us, the daily low on Christmas may not even reach 64 degrees. Hopefully meteorologists never get to the point where we say 80 degrees is “normal” for Christmas in Houston. If that does happen, however, our boiling planet will have a lot greater problems than just worrying about a warm Christmas in Texas.
TORONTO – As CBS News under Bari Weiss leads the charge of American media kowtowing to the Trump administration by deleting a story about the torture of migrants, there is one thing they didn’t count on: a Canadian media that is incompetent enough to accidentally run the story anyway. “Between firing people who criticise Trump […]
“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” Forget the naughty-and-nice list; we need a third list for morons. What the hell are you going to do with a hippopotamus? You do not have the resources or space to effectively care for a wild animal in your residential home, especially one without an in-ground swimming pool. Not to mention, you clearly have zero concern for my safety. How the hell do you expect me to transport this thing to you in a sleigh without getting mauled? As if I don’t already have enough to worry about, trying to deliver presents in Stand Your Ground states. Absolutely not.
“My Grown-Up Christmas List” Oh, no more war? Yeah, let me get right on that. Imagine this whole time I’ve had the ability to stop all war, but didn’t because I was waiting for Amy Grant to ask me to. Can we be serious for two fucking seconds? I run a workshop run by elves. If you were an actual grown-up, you’d be realistic. How about a weighted blanket? Or whiskey stones? Now that’s a grown-up Christmas list.
“White Christmas” I don’t control the weather.
“Santa Baby” First of all, don’t call me “baby.” I’m happily married to Mrs. Claus, famously. Second of all, are you out of your goddamn mind? Let me get this straight, you’re asking for a ‘54 convertible in light blue, a yacht, the deed to a platinum mine, and a duplex? And as if that’s not enough, you’re just outright asking for me to sign a check as well? Whatever happened to rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums? In any case, this is all moot after your request for a sable, because wearing real fur puts you right on the naughty list. PETA’s angry enough about the reindeer, I don’t need them throwing paint on me, too.
“All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)” This falls under the Tooth Fairy’s jurisdiction. But why is your sister Susie sitting on a thistle?
“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” A pair of Hopalong boots? Okay, sure. But a pistol that shoots?!? I stopped giving children guns years ago. You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. Janice and Jen can count on their dolls that’ll talk and go for a walk, though. As for the snarky parents who can hardly wait for school to start again, I don’t like your attitude.
“I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday” I’d kill myself.
“The Chipmunk Song” Finally, somebody with sense. Yes, Alvin, I will bring you a hula hoop. But guess who isn’t getting jackshit? That Dave guy, especially after the abuse he hurled at you for your hearing impairment. He’s completely unfit to father three chipmunks, let alone manage their boy band.
“All I Want For Christmas Is You” Though Mariah Carey is essentially my business partner, her hit song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has unleashed a barrage of unreasonable demands. Now, every year, new pop stars release their own songs about wanting a man for Christmas. Let me be clear, I cannot deliver human beings. That’s called sex trafficking, and it is a crime. “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande, “My Only Wish (This Year)” by Britney Spears, and “Santa, Can’t You Hear Me” by Kelly Clarkson are just a few examples of famous singers wanting me to kidnap and deliver men to them, and I simply will do no such thing. Not again.
“Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer” There wasn’t a request in this one, but it’s slander. And I will be taking legal action.
