WASHINGTON—In a troubling discovery that has public health researchers on high alert for a wider outbreak, a team of Georgetown University epidemiologists announced Tuesday that they had confirmed the first known airborne transmission of Mar-a-Lago face. “After a 32-year-old woman with no history of plastic surgery presented to doctors with distended lips, eyelid discoloration, and severe cheek swelling, subsequent tests and contact tracing determined that the patient had contracted Mar-a-Lago face via a brief exposure to respiratory droplets from Kimberly Guilfoyle,” said infectious disease researcher Sarah O’Hanlon, adding that failure to contain this more transmissible strain of the MAGA aesthetic could leave the entire country with spray tans and unnaturally frozen brows in a matter of weeks. “This severely disfiguring condition can rapidly progress from a slight skin tautness to making you look like an anaphylactic vampire, so we’re urging the public to take precautions to protect their appearance. Stay home and avoid med spas without good air filtration. Try to stay at least six feet away from any Trump appointees or donors. And if you think your face is showing signs of conservative conceptions of beauty, please, do everyone a favor and wear a mask.” At press time, the epidemiologists were reportedly investigating evidence of interspecies Mar-a-Lago face transmission after a fur farm in Pennsylvania was forced to cull thousands of mink that looked like former Rep. Matt Gaetz.
Amidst rising costs and concerns about long-term prospects, more young Americans are forgoing traditional higher education paths in favor of vocational schools. The Onion lays out the costs and benefits of each option.
Exposure To Elevators College: Moderate Trade School: Extreme
Most Popular Major College: Bible studies Trade School: Bible maintenance
Coursework College: One-credit bowling class taken 96 times Trade School: Blurry photo attempting to show what’s wrong with toilet
A Fast-Track Into The Exciting World Of Systems Administration College: No Trade School: Oh yeah
Average Cost College: $68,750 per year, plus $4,750 lost playing arcade claw game Trade School: $33,000 total, plus $2,893 lost playing arcade claw game
Offers A Safe Space For Young Mutants To Learn To Control Their Powers And Peacefully Coexist With Humans College: No Trade School: No
Leads To Job Opportunities In: College Front of house Trade School: Back of house
Starting Salary College: –$350 commuting to unpaid internship Trade School: $38,000, plus whatever you dig out of drain
Osama Bin Laden Attended College: Yes Trade School: No
Regret You’ll Carry For Rest Of Life College: Not going to trade school Trade School: Not going to college
NEW YORK—In a chaotic scene that sent rising stars, supermodels, and A-list actors scattering, the Met Gala ended abruptly Monday night after Anna Wintour’s parents reportedly got home early. According to sources, the sight of the Met Gala co-chair’s parents pulling into the Metropolitan Museum of Art driveway caused considerable alarm and distress among the celebrities in attendance, with shouts of “Run!” and “Quick, somebody hide the red carpet!” ringing out throughout the gallery. Dozens of wealthy and famous guests, including Doja Cat, Connor Storrie, and Nicole Kidman, were spotted shoving and pushing for the exit as Beyoncé used the elaborate train of her gown to climb out of a third-story window and Sabrina Carpenter leapt from a fire escape yelling, “I can’t go back to prison!” At press time, Anna Wintour was settled on the couch wearing an oversized hoodie right as her parents put their key into the front door and stepped into the foyer.
In the last couple of days something very strange happened, another webcomic linked to me. This used to be common 20 years ago, but now is so unusual that I looked at my stats and couldn’t work out why they were up for several days in a row. So thank you to the creators of Cassiopeia Quinn. I have been thinking for weeks of instituting a new links list to (free) webcomics I like, but wondered if it wouldn’t just be archaic and weird. Once again, our old friend the cosmos, indeed Cassiopeia itself, has sent me a sign. So I will proceed.
by Ayden Runnels, Texas Tribune, Terri Langford, Texas Tribune
The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that mifepristone must be obtained in person, a decision the country’s highest court has temporarily blocked.
The city of Westminster, CA redesignated a street from “All American Way” to “Charlie Kirk Way,” with the mayor claiming the change isn’t political. What do you think?
“Would Charlie really have wanted us dwelling on the memory of a gun victim?”
Lexi Schaefer, Pizza Boxer
“What do I have to rename after him to get my job back?”
Clay Davenport, Lace Hemmer
“If anything, Charlie seemed more like a boulevard guy.”
WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Emerging from the procedure after hours of touch-and-go treatment, doctors attending to Rudy Giuliani said Monday that the former New York City mayor was now in liquid but stable condition. “We’re relieved to report that, aside from some minor ripples and dribbling, the mayor is currently in a safe fluid state,” said Dr. Francine Gaynor, adding that Giuliani would continue to be monitored around the clock for any sloshing that might indicate further structural deterioration. “Given the level of wetness we were dealing with, it seemed almost certain that he would burst and spill out onto the floor. But credit to my team for quickly mopping the mayor up and wringing him out into an oversized bucket before he could seep into the adjoining operating rooms. Now we just keep track of his moisture levels and wait.” Gaynor added, however, that a certain amount of evaporation was inevitable and Giuliani might have to spend the rest of his life a gallon or two lighter.
DANIA BEACH, FL—Reversing its company-wide shutdown after the sudden influx of capital, Spirit Airlines resumed business Monday after its CEO Dave Davis reportedly found a nickel on the ground. “This incredible new funding source will allow Spirit to continue operating for years, even decades,” said Davis, noting that the serendipitous surge in resources would give the airline more than enough liquidity to provide the service customers have come to expect. “I am confident this will provide a much-needed cushion until we can establish a more stable financial footing by finding a dime or, hopefully, a quarter on the street in the next fiscal year.” Davis went on to announce that he would be receiving a salary bonus of three cents.
VANCOUVER – Explosions rocked Vancouver’s downtown core Saturday afternoon as dozens of TikTokers forced their way into the Church of Scientology, only to be repelled by the force of actor Tom Cruise sprinting through the crowd. The dynamic force of Cruise’s superhuman running met the immovable object of desperate influencers vying for attention en masse […]
Once worth as much as roughly $5.5 billion on the stock market, the airline known for its bright yellow planes said Saturday it had shut down. The announcement comes after two bankruptcy filings in as many years.
“We spoke with voters who cast their ballots for Mr. Trump and said they were disappointed with his second term. A few said they even regretted their votes.” —New York Times
- - -
MODERATOR: In one or two words, finish this sentence: “I’m feeling ‘blank’ about the Empire these days, now that the galactic superweapon I willingly supported hovers overhead.”
MODERATOR: Mira, you said, “confused yet hopeful.” Tell me more.
MIRA: I think a lot has happened very quickly. There were promises about stability, about restoring order to the galaxy. At the same time, when I look up… it raises questions. Still, I feel like there must be a plan. They wouldn’t position something like that over a loyal world without a reason that benefits us.
MODERATOR: Kelan, you said, “surprised.”
KELAN: I voted for strength. The Emperor projects strength. That’s important. But I didn’t think strength meant a planet-killing battle station this close to my planet. I assumed deployments like this were for Outer Rim situations. You know, for lesser things, like Jawas.
MODERATOR: Daro, you said “betrayed.”
DARO: We were told this was about keeping the galaxy safe from extremists who don’t share our values. Alderaan isn’t that. We’re peaceful. We comply. But seeing that thing’s massive dish warming up like that, it certainly doesn’t feel like protection. It feels like something else.
MODERATOR: Have you felt this way for a while?
DARO: Not until it blotted out the Sun. Before that, it was easy to trust the Empire.
MODERATOR: Oola, you mentioned you’re worried.
OOLA: I supported the Emperor because I thought he’d learned from the Clone Wars. I thought this time would be different. But now there’s this constant vibration I can feel deep in my bones. My grandson says it’s “charging.” I don’t know exactly what that means, but it doesn’t sound like an agriculture policy.
MODERATOR: Tell me why you supported the Empire in the first place.
BRENN: Lesser of two evils. The Senate was ineffective, and the liberal Jedi were out of touch. The Emperor said he’d cut through all that. And he did—sometimes literally. You have to give him that. Things moved. Maybe a little too much moving right now, with the Death Star repositioning every few minutes to maintain a firing solution on our planet, but still.
MODERATOR: Are there things the Empire has done well?
HASK: Disintegrations. And I like that they’re decisive. You look at that battle station, and you think, Wow, that’s decisive engineering. People make jokes about the cost of it, but I see efficiency. They should make two.
MODERATOR: Some of you mentioned concerns. Any regrets?
HASK: None. The Emperor is a smart man. He’s playing a long game. People see a glowing aperture pointed at our planet capable of snuffing out all life as we know it, and they panic. But that’s emotional. Irrational. Grand Moff Tarkin is probably up there doing calibrations we just don’t understand.
TALLIS: I regret it. My sister said this is exactly how it would go. I told her she was overreacting. Now she’s on Yavin 4 with the Rebellion, and I’m outside watching an ominous green light fill the whole sky, and I feel foolish.
JOREN: I don’t know that regret changes anything. It’s there now. It’s not like we can vote it away at this point.
MODERATOR: Are there Imperial policies that have affected you personally?
LYSA: Blue drink sales are way down. People aren’t dining out when the sky looks like that.
MODERATOR: Who do you feel the Empire is most focused on?
RINN: Not us. I always thought we were part of the “us.” Now I’m not sure. I feel like a Bothan spy, to be honest.
MODERATOR: Do you think the Empire understands what life is like on Alderaan right now?
TALLIS: I don’t think they understand the fear. Every surface is glowing green.
HASK: Or illuminated. That’s another way to put it.
MODERATOR: Sorry, “illuminated”? Hask, you disagree.
HASK: People assume the green light and orbiting space station are ominous because they’re unfamiliar. But large-scale governance can look intimidating up close.
MODERATOR: Do you think Alderaan is being treated fairly?
CEN: No. We’re being made an example of.
BRENN: Maybe, but examples are how order works. I’m not saying I like the thought of Alderaan becoming a loose collection of asteroids floating in space. I’m saying I understand the political theory.
CEN: The political theory is currently pointed at my son’s school.
MODERATOR: Has anything changed your mind in the last few minutes?
RINN: The Death Star’s green beam separating into smaller beams and then joining into one larger beam has been clarifying.
HASK: I’d still caution against reading too much into military optics.
MODERATOR: Optics?
HASK: If you build a planet-killer, people are going to assume the worst every time you park it near a planet. That’s just a messaging problem.
MODERATOR: And if it fires?
HASK: Then obviously we’ll need to revisit the messaging.
EDITOR’S NOTE: At this point in the discussion, the laser beam from the Death Star intensified, grew closer, and permanently blinded everyone.
MIRA: I still think there’s a plan.
DARO: I don’t think the plan includes us.
HASK: I think people are overreacting. The Empire wouldn’t target its own loyal citizens. That would make no sense.
WASHINGTON—In what political analysts have called a “major escalation” in the commander-in-chief’s antagonism toward the cultural icon, President Donald Trump made a number of public comments this week dramatically ratcheting up his rhetoric against Snoopy.
At an event honoring Gold Star families Friday, Trump reportedly deviated from his prepared remarks to criticize the cartoon beagle from Charles M. Schulz’s long-running Peanuts comic strip, calling him a “disgusting floppy-eared loser” and “Stupid Snoopy.” The digression followed several similar incidents during meetings with foreign heads of state, as well as a spate of late-night Truth Social posts in which he called Snoopy “an enemy of the people” and shared an AI-generated video that depicted Trump having Snoopy euthanized at a veterinary office.
“It’s frankly terrible what Snoopy has been doing to Americans like Linus in terms of his blanket, and the United States will not hesitate to pursue a powerful response if Snoopy continues down this dangerous path,” Trump said during his speech to the families of fallen U.S. military service members, stating that President Joe Biden had failed to crack down on Snoopy for dancing on top of American pianos. “I got a letter, a beautiful letter from a farmer, and he said, ‘Sir, Snoopy is using our typewriters to spread woke, and you can’t let him get away with it,’ so currently we’re leaning towards the military option with Snoopy.”
“We might even have to do nuclear, but I hope it doesn’t come to that,” added Trump, who remained evasive when pressed by reporters later on whether his actions against Snoopy would abide by international law, saying only, “We’ll see.”
According to reports, Trump’s deepening animus toward Charlie Brown’s anthropomorphic pet has led to harsh retribution against institutions he perceives as having conspired with Snoopy. NASA, in particular, has endured massive spending cuts and firings said to result from its historic use of the cartoon dog as a mascot. In addition, the president has targeted numerous colleges and universities for failing to condemn Snoopy’s sunglasses-wearing alter ego Joe Cool and has ordered Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth to strip Snoopy of any military honors he may have received as a World War I flying ace.
Despite claiming to be an expert on Snoopy during a Tuesday press event announcing new childhood vaccine guidance, Trump has frequently appeared to confuse the Peanuts star with unrelated figures such as Marmaduke, Dogbert, and former Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. Many analysts have also noted Trump’s particular fixation on Snoopy’s inclusion in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which the president has repeatedly likened to the Sept. 11 attacks as an assault on not just New York City, but America as a whole.
While Trump’s dark promises to “make Snoopy beg” appear to have animated his base, some higher-ups within the military have privately expressed unease at shifting their focus to the subjugation of a cartoon dog.
“We’ll be in a meeting to discuss naval strategy in the South China Sea, and the president will start making comments about how Snoopy wants ‘trans for Woodstock’ and asking if the Golden Dome will be able to shoot down Snoopy’s Sopwith Camel,” said a U.S. general who spoke on condition of anonymity, adding that the military’s abduction of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro in January had largely been carried out as a test run for Trump’s proposals to oust Snoopy from Charlie Brown’s household and replace him with his desert-dwelling brother Spike.
“People need to realize that Trump’s not kidding when he says he views Snoopy and every charismatic, bipedal beagle in America as garbage,” the anonymous source continued. “At this point, I think the only thing stopping the president from turning his words into action is the hit his poll numbers took when he vowed to send agents to tear Dagwood Bumstead away from his giant sandwich.”
With societal collapse right around the corner, it might be time to roll the dice on this stunning ranch home that will make the perfect fortification against debt collectors or roving cannibal gangs.
According to one estimate, the average human consumes five grams of microplastics every week. The Onion shares tips for reducing your exposure to the harmful particles.
Use water bottles made of 100% wool.
Drink from single-use plastic cups instead of biting into them.
Buy your children wooden toys instead of fun ones.
Line your mouth with bivalves like oysters and clams that can filter out plastic particulate.
Object permanence: Beck, Scientologist; Citizen journalism; Podcast-killing treaty; US x Kiwi copyright; Apple did a crime; DeCSS v civilian aviation; Navy x SF's queering; Micosoft v FLOSS; Sony-BMG needs a new DRM czar; Lossy copying sculpture; AI and the fatfinger economy.
Demand destruction vs fuel-superceding infrastructure (permalink)
No one is better at keeping hope alive than Rebecca Solnit, the historian and essayist whose Hope in the Dark got me through the first Trump administration and whose A Paradise Built In Hell inspired my novel Walkaway:
In her latest, "Truth, Consequences, Climate, and Demand Destruction," Solnit is nothing short of inspirational – not because she downplays the horror and misery of Trump and his war of choice in Iran, but because she tells us what we stand to salvage from the wreckage:
Solnit starts by explaining some of the (many, many) things that Trump doesn't understand. Principally, Trump doesn't understand the concept of "demand destruction," which is what happens when shortages prompt people to make durable, one-way changes in their behavior that permanently reduce the demand for fossil fuels.
High prices sometimes create demand destruction: for example, if a transient shortage in eggs pushes prices up, people might discover that they prefer tofu scrambles in the morning, so even when the price of eggs comes back down, they buy two dozen fewer eggs every month, forever.
Beyond high prices, shortages and rationing are far more likely to lead to demand destruction. In the 10 years following the 1970s oil crisis, US cars doubled in fuel efficiency, and the gas-guzzler didn't return until car manufacturers exploited the American "light truck" loophole to fill the streets with deadly SUVs:
But to really max out on demand destruction, you need both rationing and a cheap, easily installed substitute, and that's what the Strait of Epstein crisis, along with solar and batteries, offers the world today. Solar is incredibly cheap, and getting cheaper every day. Batteries are also incredibly cheap, and they're getting cheaper too. For decades, fossil fuel apologists have insisted that we'll never stop setting old dead shit on fire because "the sun doesn't always shine and the wind doesn't always blow," but thanks to battery deployment in China and California (and more places very soon), the sun shines all night long:
In starting this stupid, unforgivable war, Trump has vastly accelerated the process of demand destruction. Rather than buying American oil, the whole world has undertaken a simultaneous, rapid, irreversible shift to electrical substitutes for fossil fuel applications, from induction tops to balcony solar to ebikes and EVs:
As Solnit writes, Trump's stupid war follows on the heels of another unforgivable and cruel blunder: Putin's quagmire in Ukraine, which catapulted Europe into the Gretacene, with a wholesale, continent-wide shift away from fossil fuels to renewables and the devices they power. Now, the rest of the world is following suit. In South Korea, President Lee Jae Myung is leading the charge to transition the country to renewables, framing fossil fuels as an existential geopolitical risk.
Trump's demand destruction accelerates Putin's demand destruction: China and India both increased their energy consumption in 2025 – but reduced their fossil fuel consumption over the same period. In 2025, coal accounted for less than a third of the world's energy for the first time in modern history. 2025 was the year that solar and wind overtook coal globally.
Meanwhile, Trump and his oil baron buddies keep trying to make fetch happen. On the campaign trail, Trump told the oil industry that if they slipped him a $1b bribe, he would give them anything they wanted, and he's kept his promise. Trump will let Big Oil drill anywhere they like, from sacred sites like New Mexico's Chaco Canyon to the Arctic. He'll even let them take all of Venezuela's oil. The problem is that banks can see the demand destruction writing on the wall, and they are conspicuously declining to loan the oil companies the money they'd need to get that oil.
Truly, Trump's a machine for creating stranded assets at scale. As Solnit writes, that's because Trump has no strategic foresight; strategy being "the ability to plan for things to arise that may counter your agenda, so you can continue to pursue your agenda." Trump's a bully, and he's accustomed to intimidating his adversaries into capitulating. That's why Trump keeps making moves without ever thinking about the countermove he might provoke. He can't metabolize the strategic maxim that "the enemy gets a vote."
This is the GOP's whole vibe these days: "how dare you do unto me as I have done unto you?" Solnit points to GOP outrage in response to Democratic gerrymandering in blue states, which Democrats undertook in direct, explicit response to shameless gerrymandering in Texas and other red states. Solnit says that the GOP has "confused having a lot of power with having all the power" and is perennially surprised when their attacks on Iran and Minneapolis elicit a reaction from the people in Iran and Minneapolis.
This is the defective reasoning that caused Comrade Trump to hormuz the world into the full Gretacene. Whereas once the case for the energy transition was driven by activists who warned people about the future consequences of inaction, Trump has summoned up a new army of people who are worried about the present consequences of inaction: such as not being able to drive your car, use your gas stove, or fertilize your crops. Trump has summoned up another army of people, who are worried about the politics of oil, the fact that oil leads to wars and can be mobilized as a weapon when it is withheld from your country.
Activists couldn't deliver the energy transition on their own – but now there's a coalition that's driving rapid, irreversible change: activists concerned about the future of the planet, in coalition with economic actors concerned about the consequences of not being able to cook, heat your home, or keep the lights on; in coalition with national security hawks worried about the geopolitics of oil. That's Comrade Trump's three-part mobilization: human rights, finance, and national security, all insisting that the enemy gets a vote, and voting unanimously for a post-American world.
Last week marked the first Transitioning Away from Fossil Fuels conference, attended by representatives from 54 countries who sidestepped the US- and China-dominated UN to ratify the Fossil Fuel Nonproliferation Treaty Initiative, whose 18 signatories include Colombia, a major oil producer.
The world is moving on, and Trump continues to insist that he can roll back history to some imaginary era of a Great America. Every time this fails, he doubles down on his failures and sets the stage for more failure to come. Take Trump's decision to have the US blockade the Strait of Hormuz. Not only is this a powerful force for demand destruction – but, as Trita Parsi writes, it's also poison for Trump's own electoral fortunes in America:
Trump won in 2024 by campaigning to improve Americans' cost of living. This is a powerful campaign strategy, and it's not limited to fascists, as Zohran Mamdani can attest. But for this to work, you actually have to reduce the cost of living once you take office, otherwise you will be hated and rejected and hampered in everything you do. The problem (for Trump – but not for Mamdani!) is that America's high cost of living is driven by corporate profiteering, and the only way to fix it is to make the rich poorer so as to make the poor richer:
If Trump had chosen to bullshit his way through the Iranian blockade of the strait, allowing the Iranians to collect a $2m toll per tanker (payable in Chinese renminbi!), well, oil would have gone up in price some, but the coming runaway inflation on food and fuel would have been substantially blunted. Instead, he decided to "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory" by adding a US blockade, which means that prices in the US are going to skyrocket, making his base furious and driving turnout for Democrats, along with support for more renewables, even among blood-red Republican rural Texas ranchers, who have had enough of "DEI for fossil fuels":
The renewables transition is now a self-licking ice-cream cone, a flywheel that only spins faster and faster. As Solnit writes, this is true notwithstanding the concerns by some climate advocates about the materials needed for the transition. Sure, there will be some extraction involved in mass electrification, and if that's done badly, it will involve stealing and destroying more land from poor and indigenous people. But we don't have to do it badly!
Meanwhile, not transitioning to renewables absolutely requires an endless cycle of incredibly destructive and genocidal extraction. Remember, fossil fuels are fuels, while renewables are infrastructure. Fuels need to be dug up and destroyed every year for so long as we insist on setting old dead shit on fire to survive. We dig up a lot of fossil fuels. The world consumes seventeen times more fossil fuels in a year than we will require to electrify the planet forever:
The infrastructure of renewables – panels, batteries, transmission lines – requires materials that are often scarce and whose processing involves extremely harmful and polluting processes. But those materials are all recyclable: we don't recycle them today because we haven't prioritized doing so, not because it it technologically beyond our reach. In 2024, America saw its first all-solar powered solar panel recycling factory, which reclaimed 99% of the materials in a panel that was 20% efficient, and then used those materials to make two panels that were each 40% efficient:
Trump shut that plant down, which means that other countries will get to recycle America's superannuated panels into modern, efficient ones and sell them back to America. America may have blocked any climate reparations for the poor world, but thanks to Comrade Trump, America's still going to end up paying them, in the form of windfall profits for countries whose cleantech economy is racing ahead of America's.
Unlike a fossil fuel economy, a cleantech sector does not require that your country have access to some difficult to find, unevenly distributed reservoir of old dead shit or even rare minerals. Not only is lithium far more common than once believed, it's also being phased out for use in batteries and replaced by sodium, the world's sixth-most abundant element:
Lithium is set to join cobalt, a notorious conflict mineral, in the cleantech revolution's rear-view mirror as a transitional material used in early, primitive batteries and no longer required.
A post-carbon future is a post-petrostate future is a post-American future. It will run on solar and wind and batteries, which can be brought online cheaply and quickly, every time demand-destruction surges, using materials that are widely distributed around the world. It won't be a nuclear future, and not just because nuclear materials are (like oil) concentrated according to accidents of geography, nor merely because fissiles are geopolitically catastrophic (like oil). Nuclear plants take at least a decade to bring online, which means that they will always arrive ten years after some future Comrade Trump-type kicks off another orgy of demand destruction, and by the time we turn them on, the world will have already bought, improved and recycled two generations of batteries and panels.
"Red Team Blues": "A grabby, compulsive thriller that will leave you knowing more about how the world works than you did before." Tor Books http://redteamblues.com.
"Chokepoint Capitalism: How to Beat Big Tech, Tame Big Content, and Get Artists Paid, with Rebecca Giblin", on how to unrig the markets for creative labor, Beacon Press/Scribe 2022 https://chokepointcapitalism.com
Currently writing: "The Post-American Internet," a sequel to "Enshittification," about the better world the rest of us get to have now that Trump has torched America. Third draft completed. Submitted to editor.
"The Reverse Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book for Farrar, Straus and Giroux about being an effective AI critic. LEGAL REVIEW AND COPYEDIT COMPLETE.
"The Post-American Internet," a short book about internet policy in the age of Trumpism. PLANNING.
A Little Brother short story about DIY insulin PLANNING
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"When life gives you SARS, you make sarsaparilla" -Joey "Accordion Guy" DeVilla
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The Supreme Court weakened Section 2, the linchpin of the 1965 civil rights legislation that prohibits diluting the electoral power of voters of color. But the statute’s fingerprints can be seen all over Texas’ maps.
Josh Orta was the sole witness of Ruben Martinez’s death to dispute the government’s account. Months later, he died in a crash after learning an ICE agent killed his friend. Their mothers blame the government for their loss.
In brief: After stunning weather across Houston this weekend, we return abruptly to reality this week with rising humidity levels and warmer weather. Beginning on Wednesday we’ll also see rising rain chances that may linger into next weekend.
East Texas is holding on to the 50s this morning, but the cooler weather will not last. (Weather Bell)
Peak weather
This weekend’s weather was not perfect for everyone, or every activity. For a beach day, you might want it a little warmer. For long-duration running, maybe you’d want things a little colder. But for being outside, for working in the yard, taking a walk, or watching the sunset—this weekend was perfect. We had clear skies, low humidity, cool mornings and pleasant days, and after Saturday morning modest winds. With these four conditions, Houston hit the quadfecta. Not only that, the weekend came after some super helpful rainfall that knocked most of the region out of a months-long drought. It felt good.
I am confident in saying this will be Houston’s nicest weekend for at least the next five months, and probably longer. Given that both Saturday and Sunday had exceptional weather, it was probably was the nicest wall-to-wall weekend we will have all year. I hope you found some time to spend outside.
Monday
We are going to have one more sunny day before our skies turn mostly cloudy for awhile. Winds have already shifted to come from the southeast, and this morning’s light breeze will pick up this afternoon to come from the southeast, gusting up to 25 mph. Expect sunny skies with a high temperature of around 80 degrees, or perhaps a touch warmer. Humidity will steadily rise throughout the day and accordingly our lows tonight will only drop to around 70 degrees in Houston, with slightly cooler conditions for outlying areas.
Tuesday
A warmer and more humid day with high temperatures generally in the mid-80s. Skies will turn partly to mostly cloudy. The onshore flow will become even a little stronger, with southerly wind gusts up to 30 mph. As a result of this flow the moisture levels in our atmosphere will increase, but I think any rain showers will hold off until at least Tuesday night or Wednesday. Lows on Tuesday night will only fall into the mid-70s.
Severe weather will be possible on Wednesday, especially for areas north of Houston. (NOAA)
Wednesday
A cool front will approach the area from the north, and if you read ‘Tuesday’ section of today’s post you’ll know that with all the southerly winds we’ve been pumping up the available moisture for showers and thunderstorms. The front will disturb the atmosphere enough such that there is a low-end chance for some severe weather later on Wednesday, especially for areas north of Interstate 10. So there’s the possibility of some showers and storms on Wednesday afternoon and evening, and then the front itself will probably sag into the region Wednesday night. Bottom line: there’s a fair bit of uncertainty in rain amounts and temperatures. For now I’ll predict highs in the mid-80s on Wednesday, with overnight lows dropping to around 70.
Thursday and Friday
Our weather to end the week is going to depend where you live (i.e. further from the coast, a better chance of lower temperatures and slightly lower humidity). Basically I would expect highs in the vicinity of 80 degrees and lows in the 60s. Both of these days will also have a heathy chance of rain, perhaps 50 percent each day. Overall accumulations through Friday will probably be on the order of 1 inch for most of us, but there will be some wide variations. Anyway, if you have outdoor plans from Wednesday through Friday some caution is advised, as a lot of questions remain.
Saturday and Sunday
Rain chances are not going away this weekend, but whether they’re 20 percent for both days, or 50 percent, I just cannot say with this unsettled pattern. I think we’ll see a mix of clouds and sunshine. Highs will likely be in the vicinity of the low-80s with lows in the 60s or perhaps lower 70s. Stay tuned for a better weekend forecast, because we’re just not there yet.
Next week
It’s possible that another weak front arrives early next week, and this should help keep our temperatures in the lower 80s, with maybe a cooler night or two. Daily rain chances do start to look lower after next Monday or so with the potential for more sunshine. We’ll see!
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