Shared posts

10 Oct 02:28

Part 2.19

Part 2.19
10 Oct 02:27

Believe It! Believe It! Believe It! #CowboyWho

09 Oct 20:54

I hate hecklers.

I hate hecklers.

09 Oct 20:53

Apple Banned an App That Simply Archived Videos of ICE Abuses

by John Gruber

Joseph Cox, reporting for 404 Media:

Apple removed an app for preserving TikToks, Instagram reels, news reports, and videos documenting abuses by ICE, 404 Media has learned. The app, called Eyes Up, differs from other banned apps such as ICEBlock which were designed to report sightings of ICE officials in real-time to warn local communities. Eyes Up, meanwhile, was more of an aggregation service pooling together information to preserve evidence in case the material is needed in the future in court.

The news shows that Apple and Google’s crackdown on ICE-spotting apps, which started after pressure from the Department of Justice against Apple, is broader in scope than apps that report sightings of ICE officials. It has also impacted at least one app that was more about creating a historical record of ICE’s activity during its mass deportation effort.

“Our goal is government accountability, we aren’t even doing real-time tracking,” the administrator of Eyes Up, who said their name was Mark, told 404 Media. Mark asked 404 Media to only use his first name to protect him from retaliation. “I think the [Trump] admin is just embarrassed by how many incriminating videos we have.”

Sometimes consistency is a bad thing.

09 Oct 20:53

Apple’s Justification for Removing DeICER From the App Store

by John Gruber

Pablo Manríquez, reporting for Migrant Insider:

Apple has quietly removed DeICER, a civic-reporting app used to log immigration enforcement activity, from its App Store after a law enforcement complaint — invoking a rule normally reserved for protecting marginalized groups from hate speech.

According to internal correspondence reviewed by Migrant Insider, Apple told developer Rafael Concepcion that the app violated Guideline 1.1.1, which prohibits “defamatory, discriminatory, or mean-spirited content” directed at “religion, race, sexual orientation, gender, national/ethnic origin, or other targeted groups.”

But Apple’s justification went further. “Information provided to Apple by law enforcement shows that your app violates Guideline 1.1.1 because its purpose is to provide location information about law enforcement officers that can be used to harm such officers individually or as a group,” the company wrote in its removal notice.

The decision effectively treats federal immigration agents as a protected class — a novel interpretation of Apple’s hate-speech policy that shields one of the most powerful arms of government from public scrutiny.

Delicate flowers, these ICE agents are. And it’s a lie, anyway. There’s not one story about any of these apps being used to harm ICE agents. And even if such an attack happened, that wouldn’t imply it’s the purpose of these apps. The purpose of these apps is to protect people — citizens and non-citizens alike — from ICE.

Alas, there’s no more courage, conviction, or honesty from Google on the Android side of the fence either.

It’d be both interesting and honest if either Apple or Google justified these app bannings by simply saying the Trump administration demanded them and that they — Apple and Google — fear reprisal from Trump if they don’t comply.

09 Oct 20:51

Inspiring! This elbowless man manages to hold down a full time job as a Prime Minister

by Tristan Bradley

Mark Carney may look like just another Canadian Prime Minister. But don’t let that fool you. The most inspiring part of his story isn’t that he went to Harvard, or even that he’s made millions working advancing the interests of the world’s largest banks… It’s that he did all this despite having no elbows. Wow! […]

The post Inspiring! This elbowless man manages to hold down a full time job as a Prime Minister appeared first on The Beaverton.

09 Oct 20:51

I’m a MAHA Mom, and Here’s Why I Won’t Stop My Monkeys from Jumping on the Bed—No Matter What the Doctor Says

by Sarah Bernstein and Michael Sendrow

I’m a proud mother of five who is obsessed with keeping her monkeys healthy. Some people think it’s crazy how much time I spend making sure everything in their environment is safe, nutritious, and natural. Those same people probably think I’m a bad mom for letting my little monkeys jump on the bed just because they keep falling off and hitting their heads every time. But this is a choice we have made as a family, and I will not let a bunch of judgmental strangers or any of the many doctors I have called shame me into changing my mind.

I’ll admit, when my first monkey fell off the bed and bumped her head, I was concerned. I immediately called the doctor, and the doctor said—and this is a direct quote—“No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”

I couldn’t believe it. “But this is our choice,” I told him. “And by the way, monkeys have been jumping on the bed for millennia. Even before there were beds. In the Paleolithic era, they would jump on rock slabs jutting out from the walls of their caves.”

“That sounds really dangerous,” he replied. Furious, I hung up.

The next time one of my monkeys fell off and bumped his head (about five minutes later), I decided to get a second opinion. But this other doctor was just as arrogant.

“No more monkeys jumping on the bed,” he told me. It was like they were reading from a script!

“I’m surprised you don’t know this, since you’re a doctor,” I said, “but NOT letting your monkeys jump on the bed actually has far worse consequences. I saw a twenty-seven-part TikTok about it."

“I think I just heard another one fall off the bed,” the doctor said. But he was wrong. It was actually the sound of two of my monkeys bumping heads with each other. After comforting them, I sent that doctor a strongly worded email with links to several videos that I hoped would open his eyes.

That night, my youngest monkey fell off the bed and bumped her head pretty badly. Because it was so late, the only person I could get on the phone was a nurse practitioner on the night shift. I expected her to be more open-minded because she was probably a mom like me, but it seemed she had also been brainwashed. “No more monkeys jumping on the bed,” she said.

I felt totally alone.

Desperate, I spent the rest of the night searching the internet for a solution. I was surprised to find there were tons of other monkey mommys having this exact problem. One mother from Ohio said her monkeys were falling off the bed and bumping their heads ten to fifteen times a day. “Sometimes, I think it would be easier to just stop them from jumping on the bed she posted.”

“Noooo!” responded one of the other moms. “Don’t let them get to you!” another mom wrote. “Only moms know what’s right for their monkeys!! Bumping your head is actually GOOD for you!!! Why is no one talking about this???”

Reassured, I went to sleep. But almost immediately, I was awoken by the sound of two more monkeys falling off the bed.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So this time, I called my cousin Kayleigh. Kayleigh is not a doctor, but she knows more about health care than anyone I know. Ten years ago, she cured her lactose intolerance by mommy-blogging, and now she and her husband have a podcast about it.

I told Kayleigh that, despite what everyone was telling me, I still had a powerful maternal instinct that jumping on the bed was the right thing for my monkeys to do.

“I totally get it,” she said. “It’s like Derek and I always say on the podcast, ‘Whatever you think is true is probably right.’”

“Thank you—that’s so validating,” I said.

“Still,” she said, “I’m not sure you’re legally allowed to own that many monkeys.”

Wow. Even my own family had abandoned me.

After all these bad experiences, I finally let go of the need for outside affirmation. Whatever “Western medicine” or “animal control” tells me, I’m the one who knows what’s best for my monkeys. And when I see them happily jumping on the bed or swinging from the ceiling fan on their long furry tails, I know I’m doing the right thing.

Looking in my monkeys’ eyes, I can tell they know it too—even when their eyes are glazed over from having bumped their heads too many times.

09 Oct 20:48

How to Eat ACORNS 🐿️

by BlackForager
09 Oct 19:45

is it tacky to bring branded items from your old job to your new job?

by Ask a Manager

A reader writes:

I have a pretty low-stakes question but it’s been on my mind a lot lately: is it tacky to bring branded items from your old job to your new job?

For context: I used to work for a big tech company, and I acquired a lot of swag over my tenure: jackets, mugs, travel cups, etc. At my old role, my colleagues and I would use branded items from competitors and no one batted an eye; lots of them would be free items from conferences and similar events, and hey, sometimes that branded travel mug from our competition is just REALLY nice.

But I’ve switched to a more conservative industry (law) and I’m wondering if it would be weird to bring branded stuff from my old job into the office. I’m not planning to like, plaster my laptop with stickers from my old company or anything; I’m thinking more along the lines of bringing in a branded mug (since my new office only supplies paper coffee cups). I wouldn’t think twice about bringing random branded stuff from other companies, but I wonder about the optics of bringing stuff from my old job specifically. Is it tacky? Does it make it look like I’m pining for the past?

Like I said, this is incredibly low-stakes, but I’d love your thoughts!

Nah, you’re almost certainly fine.

I mean, it would be weird if you were, like, fully decked out with branded items from your old job to the exclusion of having anything from your current one — like if people walked into your office and found you wearing your old company’s branded jacket, t-shirt, and hat and your mousepad and notebook had their logo — but that seems highly unlikely. A mug or a shirt? No big deal at all.

The exception to this would be if there’s bad blood between the two companies or, in some industries, if they’re a direct competitor (like wearing Pepsi swag when you work at Coca-Cola, and I’d suspect wearing Nike if you work for Adidas or similar).

The post is it tacky to bring branded items from your old job to your new job? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

09 Oct 19:14

update: my coworkers are joking that I’m pregnant when I’m not

by Ask a Manager

Remember the letter-writer whose coworkers were joking that she was pregnant when she wasn’t — including having a local radio host congratulate her on her “pregnancy”? The first update was here, and here’s the final resolution.

I was reading AAM as I do every afternoon when one of the recommended posts catapulted me back into my past. I’m the reader who wrote to you about six years ago about my co-workers who wrote into a local radio station to pretending I was pregnant as a “prank.” I’ve been meaning to share an update for a while now, and this felt like a sign. In the years since, things got okay, worse and then much better.

After the first post, I spoke to my director to put a stop to the joking around. No one apologized, acknowledged that they’d crossed a line, or even made eye contact for a while, but I was just grateful that the jokes were over.

A few months later, my relationship unexpectedly fell apart, and a couple of weeks after that I found a channel on our internal messaging system that had been set up to talk about me behind my back. It had been running for months, predating the radio prank, and was absolutely a nail in the coffin. We also now had an external HR provision by this point, so I made a formal complaint against everyone involved. A coworker had been on the ropes for a while and they were let go not long after. I’m not sure how much the channel played a role in this, but it certainly didn’t help. The others apologized to my face, which I was grateful for at the time.

As some background, when I first started, the company was owned by two directors, a husband and wife. A couple of years into my tenure, one served the others with divorce papers and the business was squarely in the middle. But even before I started there were office norms that were only there to keep us in our lanes. We weren’t really allowed to talk to one another other than on IM, were made to take staggered lunches alone, had to sit with our screens facing outward so the boss could monitor what was on them, and so on. I found out later that my job only opened up because one director got drunk and threw a punch at a past employee on a work night out, prompting a few people to quit. When that director finally left, the other did try to open up communication but things just ran too deep. I’m sure I contributed to this environment too and I remember being deeply frustrated with nowhere for it all to go.

I also don’t remember exactly what the messages in the channel said but I was so angry that it snapped me out of my post-breakup funk and made me realise that my workplace was crap and was not going to change. I searched for all the jobs I could find with a short list of prerequisites — they must have an active HR department, visible salary scales, and be based in an interesting part of the country. I applied for the one that was closing first, which turned into one of the best things I ever did. I said yes to an interview because I’d never been to this city and at least if I didn’t get the job I could spend a couple of hours in a museum I always wanted to visit. I interviewed in February 2020, got the job, and started my new role that April, just after the first Covid-19 lockdown hit in the UK. I moved to my new city about five years ago as restrictions were starting to lift, so as people were getting used to socializing again there was me starting life again in my late 20s.

I’ve since changed roles a few times but have been in the same organization, and I can honestly say things are a million times better. My job is infinitely more fulfilling, has scope to grow, and I’m strengthening skills that are niche enough to be interesting and broad enough that I’m not stuck in a corner. I’m also actively involved in our workplace union so there’s a perfect outlet to channel any injustices in a positive way.

I’m not in touch with anyone in my old job. I wish them the best and hope everyone is successful and fulfilled in their own ways, but it took me far too long to realize it wasn’t the place for me. The fact I didn’t realize this after someone wrote to a radio station to pretend I was pregnant is beyond what I’d ever put up with now. I’m still embarrassed by the whole ordeal but grateful I can look back on it as a bizarre story rather than a situation I’m still stuck in.

The post update: my coworkers are joking that I’m pregnant when I’m not appeared first on Ask a Manager.

09 Oct 18:52

Dolly Parton Shares Video Confirming Sister A Shit-Stirring Bitch

by The Onion Staff

BRENTWOOD, TN—Taking to Instagram to address recent concerns from her fans, country music icon Dolly Parton shared a video Thursday in which she confirmed her sister is a shit-stirring bitch. “Hey y’all, I know there’s been a lot of speculation about what’s going on with me these days, but I want you to know that I’m doing just fine despite my sister being an attention-seeking whore whose only purpose in life is trying to ruin mine,” the 12-time Grammy winner said in the brief clip, insisting to her 8 million followers that her sister had always lied for fame and probably had to because she was a “talentless hack with nothing in the looks department.” “I just figured if you heard from me, you’d know my sister is a lying sack of shit. So don’t worry! I’ll keep on playing my music, and sure as my name’s Dolly, my sister will keep being a skank.” Parton went on to say that although she herself was not dead, her sister almost certainly would be if she kept up this act.

The post Dolly Parton Shares Video Confirming Sister A Shit-Stirring Bitch appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 18:52

Church Of England Names First Woman Leader

by The Onion Staff

Sarah Mullally has been appointed the first female Archbishop of Canterbury, becoming the Church of England’s top spiritual leader. What do you think?

“God must be spinning in his grave.”

Paulo Greco, Substitute Bellhop

“Standing at podiums and reading books aloud is a man’s job.”

Wallace Taroza, Cherry Pitter

“Finally someone for the Pope to marry.”

Caroline Bertone, Bunker Decorator

The post Church Of England Names First Woman Leader appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 18:52

Israel Agrees To Go Back To Killing Palestinians On Less Frequent Basis

by The Onion Staff

CAIRO—As part of a historic ceasefire agreement with Hamas following two years of war, the Israeli government reportedly agreed Thursday to go back to killing Palestinians on a less frequent basis. “In line with the terms of the deal, Hamas will release all remaining Israeli hostages, and Israel will still murder innocent Palestinian civilians on a regular basis, but at a slightly slower pace than we have been of late,” said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, ratifying the accord that would temporarily promote the systematic discrimination, dehumanization, and persecution of the Palestinian people over their outright genocide. “Once the hostages are freed, we will dial down the attacks on Gaza hospitals, schools, and aid centers by roughly 10%, give or take. I have had my staff lay out a less rigorous schedule for committing atrocities, and in the down time, the IDF can always fall back on horrific maiming practices and general torture. It was a major concession on my part, but I have been convinced that it’s the only way to get our people home safe, and for Israel to continue committing human rights violations without consequence.” Netanyahu assured the rest of the world it would soon go back to never hearing about the routine slaughter of the Palestinian people, as opposed to barely hearing about it.

The post Israel Agrees To Go Back To Killing Palestinians On Less Frequent Basis appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 18:51

Kristi Noem: ‘Antifa Is A Highly Sophisticated Islamic Proto-State That Controlled Territory In Iraq And Syria From 2013-2019’

by The Onion Staff
09 Oct 18:51

What To Know About NSPM-7

by The Onion Staff

On Sept. 25, President Trump issued a directive called National Security Presidential Memorandum 7 in which “anti-Americanism, anti-capitalism, and anti-Christianity” were described as “common threads” of domestic terrorism. Here is everything you need to know about NSPM-7.

Q: What is NSPM-7?

A: A key term for future AP U.S. History students in the “Rise of Fascism” unit.

Q: How does the order define anti-American?

A: They can’t tell you. That would ruin the surprise.

Q: What is Trump’s plan for antifa?

A: He will create the organization, and then destroy it.

Q: Is this like that book Minority Report was based on?

A: We’d avoid referencing books from now on.

Q: Isn’t this a violation of the First Amendment?

A: That’s exactly the type of question the administration would love to talk to you about in a windowless room.

The post What To Know About NSPM-7 appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 17:59

METRO will remove Montrose rainbow crosswalks following direction from Abbott, TxDOT

by Sarah Grunau
The plan comes as the Texas Department of Transportation in a letter directed local jurisdictions to ensure that roadway markings align with federal law.
09 Oct 17:58

Major coastal storm to impact parts of the East Coast, while a significant flash flooding risk emerges in the Southwest

by Matt Lanza

In brief: A major coastal storm will produce heavy rain, gusty winds, severe beach erosion and potentially major coastal flooding from North Carolina through New Jersey, Long Island, and southern New England this weekend and early next week. Tropical Storm Jerry will brush past the Leeward Islands today. And the Desert Southwest is primed for a major rainfall event courtesy of Priscilla, with significant flash flooding possible tomorrow.

Major coastal storm in the Mid-Atlantic through Southern New England

The threat of a coastal storm this weekend with significant impacts in the Mid-Atlantic and perhaps as far north as New England continues to increase. We now have various watches and advisories posted along the coast from the Carolinas through New Jersey.

(NWS Mount Holly/Philadelphia)

Areas across the Mid-Atlantic, particularly from Virginia up through New Jersey and Long Island it seems may be vulnerable to significant coastal flooding, strong winds, very rough surf, and potentially severe beach erosion. The general theme is that low pressure will form later tomorrow or early Saturday off the South Carolina coast. It should come north past North Carolina, before it slams on the brakes near the Jersey Shore or Long Island. From there, it will sit and spin for a day or so before eventually circling back south and southeast out farther into the ocean.

European model forecast of how things may unfold this weekend into early next week. (Tropical Tidbits)

It is a long, drawn out, complex storm track. And that’s one of the problems with this. This will help assist in multiple high tide cycles of significant impacts from Virginia into New England. On the backside of the storm, there will be sound-driven impacts as well in North Carolina. In addition to the marine impacts, there will be rainfall. Anywhere from 2 to 4 inches or higher amounts will be possible along the coast into New England.

Rain totals forecast through next Thursday morning. (Pivotal Weather)

For New England, given the drought situation, this will be a beneficial rain for sure. Along the immediate coast, however, the heavier rainfall may exacerbate the coastal flooding.

In addition to the rain, winds will buffet the coast pretty substantially. There is a better than 50 percent chance of 55 mph wind gusts on the Jersey Shore, possibly up to coastal Long Island and south into Delmarva as well.

(NWS Mount Holly/Philadelphia)

As noted in the above graphic, the track of the storm and intensity of the storm will dictate just how strong winds get. The European model shows wind gust risk of 40 to 60 mph almost continuously from Sunday through Tuesday along the immediate coast of New Jersey and Long Island. Keep in mind that the winds *will* drop off as you go inland, and the vast majority of concerns and risks with this system will be on the barrier islands and immediate few miles of the coast.

But again, it’s notable that marine impacts like tidal flooding and beach erosion look so significant this far out. We’ve been talking about this all week, and it has held firm on these impacts. For folks from coastal Delmarva to the Jersey Shore to Long Island, it will be important to be prepared for what should be equivalent to a powerful nor’easter.

Tropical Storm Jerry

Jerry looks frazzled this morning. (Tropical Tidbits)

Jerry remains in somewhat rough shape this morning, looking very much as though wind shear is enacting a toll. Still, it’s a formidable tropical storm despite the frazzled appearance, with max winds of 65 mph on the east side of the storm. But it does not appear to be making a run to hurricane intensity just yet.

Jerry will make a close pass to the extreme northeast Caribbean islands today before likely becoming a hurricane as it moves away. (NOAA/NHC)

Jerry will pass just northeast of the islands today, brushing some of them with tropical storm impacts, particularly Antigua and Barbuda but also some of the adjacent islands. Thankfully, Jerry is quite a lopsided storm at this time, with the majority of its wind on the eastern side. With the slightly calmer winds of the western side impacting the islands, this should help mitigate impacts and rainfall some.

The heaviest rains from Jerry will miss the islands to the east, though some locally heavy rain over higher terrain may cause some flooding or mudslide concerns in a few spots. (NOAA/WPC)

Thankfully, Jerry is moving along fairly quickly and will shift off to the north and head out to sea tomorrow. Model agreement is strong that Jerry will pass well south and east of Bermuda, no further threat to land.

Desert Southwest rains

Flood watches are now posted across Arizona, southern Utah, southwest Colorado, and even parts of Nevada and California, in anticipation of several days of heavy rain chances thanks to tropical moisture coming out of the Pacific.

Coverage of flood watches (dark green) as of Thursday morning. (Pivotal Weather)

Much of interior Arizona is in a moderate risk (level 3/4) for excessive rainfall and flooding tomorrow. Slight risks (2/4) cover much of the rest of the region including for today and Saturday, as well as Sunday and Monday in southeast Arizona and New Mexico. Moisture surges north today and tomorrow, peaking in interior Arizona tomorrow afternoon into Saturday before sagging back south again Sunday and Monday.

A moderate risk (level 3/4) for excessive rainfall and flooding is in place tomorrow from the Phoenix area through Flagstaff and parts of the Grand Canyon. (Pivotal Weather)

All told, we could see as much as 2 to 4 inches of rain across Arizona, portions of southwest Colorado, and Utah. Additional heavy rain will be possible into New Mexico heading into the weekend.

Significant rainfall is likely across Arizona, New Mexico, western Colorado, and Utah. (Pivotal Weather)

While this is assuredly welcome rainfall, there will likely be some flash flooding and potentially some serious flash flooding as a result of this event over the next couple days. This is especially important in parts of the desert. If you are visiting the national parks in this region, particularly with the government shutdown possibly reducing staffing in some spots, please make sure you are well aware of your location, surroundings, and the risk of flash flooding. There are some washes, rivers, and canyons that are notorious for severe, rapid-onset flash flooding that can stun you. So please exercise extreme caution, especially if hiking in this part of the country.

09 Oct 17:56

mst3kgifs: Rockin’!



mst3kgifs:

Rockin’!

09 Oct 17:56

White House Doctor: Trump Has Far More Bones Than Any Prior President

by The Onion Staff
Cowboy Who?

Such plentiful organs!

WASHINGTON—In an effort to curb speculation regarding the physical health of the commander-in-chief, Capt. Sean Barbabella, physician to the president and director of the White House Medical Unit, confirmed Thursday that Donald Trump has “far more bones” than any U.S. president on record. “Every time we examine the president’s body, we find more and more bones,” said Barbabella, assuring reporters that Trump remains strong due to the dozens of bones making up each of his arms, the 70-odd bones in his rib cage alone, and the hundreds of vertebrae composing his multiple, branching spines. “Without counting the partially developed bones in his stomach, the president’s skeleton contains easily the most bones we have ever observed in any individual holding elected office. The number of bones Donald Trump possesses is, in my medical opinion, easily north of a thousand. That is nearly six times as many bones as Joe Biden, who, in comparison, has a paltry number of very small bones. And not only are they plentiful, but the president’s bones are so abnormally dense and resilient that we expect them to endure long after the rest of us are gone, quite possibly becoming the last surviving record of human life on Earth.” In response to a question regarding rumors about the president’s declining cognitive health, Barbabella emphasized that Trump possesses several brains stacked neatly inside his skull.

The post White House Doctor: Trump Has Far More Bones Than Any Prior President appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 17:56

Legal Ruling Forces God To Add Cancer Warning To Earth

by The Onion Staff

THE HEAVENS—Noting unsafe levels of carcinogens in all land, air, and water, a legal ruling handed down by the Celestial Court on Tuesday ordered God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, to add a cancer warning to Earth. “The Creator of All Things has known for millennia that every continent causes cancer, and now He must put a caution label on the planet alerting consumers of the danger so they can make informed decisions about their health,” said legal scholar Randall Perkins, who explained that the warning would feature photos of ravaged landscapes and dying Earth residents to get the point across. “The Supreme Deity will face stiff legal fines if He fails to comply with the ruling’s provisions, which require the notice to warn that Earth should be avoided by pregnant women at all costs, and that children should never be in the planet’s vicinity. This is a step in the right direction, as even limited exposure to Earth has been linked to increased cancer risk. If you have to go there, it’s best to abstain from breathing the air.” At press time, the Eternal Kingdom’s Court of Appeals had overturned the ruling, determining that the addition of a cancer warning would inhibit Earth’s business interests.

The post Legal Ruling Forces God To Add Cancer Warning To Earth appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 17:55

Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored

by The Onion Staff

CHICAGO—Unsure where to find the lawlessness and chaos they were told was overtaking the city, National Guard troops deployed to Chicago by President Donald Trump have begun aimlessly going door to door and asking residents if they have any order they might need restored, sources confirmed Thursday. “Hi there, ma’am—I was wondering if you’d seen any gang members or waves of criminal aliens rampaging through your household lately, and if I could assist in any way,” Cpl. Hunter Benson of the Texas guard said to confused 88-year-old Ravenswood resident Marsha Goldstein, peeking into the woman’s foyer to see if he could spot any hellish, out-of-control crime engulfing her living room. “This is a lovely little neighborhood you’ve got here. But if, by any chance, you’ve got some looting anarchist rioters you need me to quell, or you’ve spotted a marauding pack of bloodthirsty Venezuelan murderers on your back porch, I’d be more than happy to help you out. The rest of the boys and I are just trying to figure out exactly what we’re supposed to be doing in your city, so if you could kindly point us toward any nonstop, ruthless mayhem, that’d be a huge help.” At press time, the listless National Guard members had reportedly decided to just start issuing parking tickets as they searched in vain for the rivers of blood they believed would be flooding the streets of Chicago.

The post Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 17:55

USDA Deactivates Nation’s Corn During Government Shutdown

by The Onion Staff

WASHINGTON—In response to the freezing of federal funds necessary to keep the essential grain operational for millions of Americans, the U.S. Department of Agriculture has, effective immediately, deactivated the nation’s corn for the remainder of the ongoing government shutdown. “Because of the Democrat Party’s reckless decision to shut down the government, we at the USDA no longer have the resources to keep our country’s corn up and running, and thus have no choice but to temporarily disable every kernel,” said Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins, arguing that blame for the pain Americans would feel from being unable to feed their children popcorn, tortillas, and cornbread should fall squarely on congressional Democrats. “Please know that I get your frustration: I also have a whole fridge full of corn that doesn’t work. All of us hope that for the good of our farmers and the good of our country, Congress finds a way to work through this mess so the USDA can do its job of keeping the cobs running.” At press time, the Trump administration sparked outrage after quietly confirming that, even after the shutdown ends, most Americans would not be entitled to receive any back-corn.

The post USDA Deactivates Nation’s Corn During Government Shutdown appeared first on The Onion.

09 Oct 17:55

Ottawa residents plan 12 month ‘fireworks and honking’ festival outside Freedom Convoy Leaders’ homes

by Luke Gordon Field

“The fact that our festival runs the exact same length of time as their house arrest sentence is mere coincidence, we assure you.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) break down the suspiciously positive Trump-Carney meeting, Danielle Smith’s latest pipeline gambit, and Alberta’s teacher strike. Then the Approximately 10 Minute […]

The post Ottawa residents plan 12 month ‘fireworks and honking’ festival outside Freedom Convoy Leaders’ homes appeared first on The Beaverton.

09 Oct 17:55

Pentagon warns Toronto ‘dangerously close’ to winning World Series

by Staff

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following last night’s elimination of the New York Yankees, the United States Department of War has advised the White House that the Toronto Blue Jays are “perilously close” to acquiring the MLB World Series Commissioner’s Trophy. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth reportedly briefed President Trump about the impending Blue Jays threat immediately […]

The post Pentagon warns Toronto ‘dangerously close’ to winning World Series appeared first on The Beaverton.

09 Oct 17:45

Top Five: October 9, 2025

by Glasstire

Glasstire counts down the top five art events in Texas.

For last week’s picks, please go here.

A close-up of a woman with straight black hair and red lipstick shows off elaborate bejeweled acrylic fingernails.

Yvette Mayorga’s Pop-Up Nail $alon

1. Yvette Mayorga’s Pop-Up Nail $alon
Ballroom Marfa
October 10 – 12, 2025

From Ballroom Marfa:

“Experience an immersive installation that serves as an extension of Yvette’s art in the Los Encuentros exhibition. Meet the artist, get a set of her specially designed acrylics, and vibe with the crew in the salon! We’re thrilled to have Astro Wifey, Gigi Jiggles, and Spifster joining from Chicago, Yvette’s hometown, to offer custom nail designs. All services are complimentary with the purchase of a set of Yvette Mayorga’s custom acrylic nails. Appointments encouraged, and offered Friday and Saturday only. Walk-ins welcomed! Email christina@ballroommarfa.org to schedule your appointment.”

Read a review of the exhibition Los Encuentros here.

A graphic poster for a Danny Kerschen exhibition.

2. Some Days I Just Want to Dream
Galveston Artist Residency
August 9 – October 11, 2025

From the Galveston Artist Residency:

Some Days I Just Want to Dream is a memorial exhibition of the art of Danny Kerschen, (1977-2024). The show will feature a selection of Danny’s triplets (hand-dyed three-billed caps), an installation of his custom marching band uniforms and delicate graphite drawings of marching bands, and a large-scale projection of the video he edited in his last months, Dystopia LLC. Additionally, it will feature smaller found objects that were dear to him, graphics and ephemera related to his curatorial work and studies as DK Ultra, and photographic evidence of his earlier public sculptures, among other things.

This is not a retrospective, such a thing would be impossible given the site-specific, often guerrilla nature of much of Danny’s work. It is a shadow cast by a shape-shifting, multidimensional, dearly loved, sorely missed, person, artist, and activist.”

A sculpture of a black crow inside an ornate, vintage bird cage.

An artwork by Sedrick Huckaby on view in “Black Bird Redemption Song” at UMLAUF Sculpture Garden and Museum

3. Sedrick Huckaby: Black Bird Redemption Song
Umlauf Sculpture Garden and Museum (Austin)
September 3, 2025 – January 4, 2026

From Umlauf Sculpture Garden:

Black Bird Redemption Song features Fort Worth native Sedrick Huckaby’s brand new sculptural bird series — papier-mâché forms housed within antique birdcages that cannot accommodate the birds’ scale. The sculptures are accompanied by drawings that span Huckaby’s decades-long artistic exploration of community, humanity, struggle, and spirituality. The works examine themes of confinement and freedom, addressing the impact of mass incarceration on Black communities in America. The black birds are complemented by Portrait of Craig Watkins, an installation featuring a life-sized sculpture of Texas’s first elected African American District Attorney. The exhibition also includes two video installations, Contemplating Fred Rouse and Portrait of Fred Rouse, that document a community investigation into the 1921 lynching of Fred Rouse in Fort Worth.”

A painting of Frida Kahlo in an abbreviated landscape with blue brick house and Aztec symbols.

Santa Barraza, “Mujeres Nobles Series Frida con Tezcatlipoca y Coyolxauhqui,” 2015

4. Vast and Varied: Texan Women Painters II
Ruiz-Healy Art (SATX)
September 24 – November 1, 2025

From Ruiz-Healy Art:

“Ruiz-Healy Art presents Vast and Varied: Texan Women Painters II, a group exhibition of works by Santa Barraza, Jennifer Agricola Mojica, Audrey Rodríguez, Eva Marengo Sánchez, Marta Sánchez, Ethel Shipton, and Bettie Ward. This exhibition is a continuation of Vast and Varied: Texan Women Painters I, which was on view at our New York City gallery from June 12 to August 15, 2025. Vast and Varied: Texan Women Painters II tackles the Texas cultural milieu through themes of cross-cultural identity, motherhood, mementos, and domesticity.”

A woman in tee shirt and bikini bottoms lounges poolside in a desert town landscape.

Lorena Lohr, from “Desert Nudes”

5. Lorena Lohr: Desert Nudes
Galleri Urbane Dallas
September 6 – November 10, 2025

From Galleri Urbane Dallas:

“At first glance, these small, meticulously rendered oil-on-board vignettes may appear to reference kitsch Americana. Yet upon closer inspection, mythological undertones emerge — revealing the influence of historical art traditions. Lohr has long been drawn to the stylized and symbolic language of the Northern Renaissance, particularly biblical scenes set in imagined Middle Eastern deserts. With the possible exception of Van Eyck, most Renaissance painters had never seen a desert firsthand, instead conjuring fantastical landscapes from written accounts — much like Lohr’s own imaginative yet grounded approach to place. Lorena Lohr is a British-Canadian artist who has spent more than a decade traveling the American Southwest by bus and train, documenting its transient landscapes and the vernacular character of its built environment.”

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09 Oct 17:42

Federal court to weigh Trump’s deployment of National Guard troops in Chicago area

by Sudhin Thanawala, Associated Press
U.S. District Judge April Perry will hear arguments Thursday on a request to block the deployment of members of the Illinois and Texas National Guards while a lawsuit challenging the move proceeds.
09 Oct 17:41

U.S. opens Tesla probe after more crashes involving its so-called full self-driving technology

by Associated Press
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said in a filing dated Tuesday that it has 58 incident reports of Tesla vehicles violating traffic safety laws while operating in full self-driving mode.
09 Oct 17:35

let’s discuss chaos at work restaurant meals

by Ask a Manager

Let’s discuss chaos — or just mildly embarrassing / funny / off-key things — that happened when you were eating in a restaurant for work.

Some stories that have been shared here in the past:

I was in my mid-twenties traveling to a conference with my fifty-something boss. He could be odd and a bit awkward but never creepy or inappropriate. We were having dinner at the hotel restaurant when approached by a violin player obviously offering romantic musical accompaniment. I politely declined but my boss excitedly requested a specific piece. I then had to sit there awkwardly for several minutes while the violin player played his piece circling around us as if he was enhancing our romantic dinner. My boss smiled the whole time and afterward spoke about how lovely the music was as if he had no clue everyone was thinking I was his much younger mistress meeting up at with him at a hotel. We were both married to other people and after this we went back to discussing business.

•     •     •     •     •     

I had just been promoted and my new boss invited me to lunch to discuss the job and any suggestions I might have. Having been a faceless drone for most of my short career, I was beyond excited and desperate to make a good impression. Above all, I wanted to order something tidy and easy to eat so that I could spend the lunch hour being insightful, witty, and bristling with helpful contributions. I ordered French onion soup. While channeling the business version of Dorothy Parker/Oscar Wilde, I quickly swallowed a spoonful of soup and discovered to my horror that the glob of rubbery cheese now nestled in my stomach, was attached via a rope of the stuff to the glob still in the soup bowl. While gagging and choking, I bit and gnashed at the rope like a demented shark, hoping I could finally swallow it and be free. A memorable first impression.

•     •     •     •     •     

My third interview for my very first managerial job involved me flying into Chicago where I would be meeting with “the Big Boss” right at the airport.

Finding each other, he suggested we get a table at one of the restaurants, where we both ordered sodas. As he was speaking, keeping my eyes focused on his face, I bent down to take a sip of my soda. My straw went way up one of my nostrils! Neither of us said anything and I prayed he somehow had not noticed.

I got the job! Years later, it was time for me to move on. On my last day, that same boss called me in to say good bye. Grinning ear to ear, he asked me if I remembered what he called “the Straw Incident” when he had first interviewed me. (As if that were something I could forget!)

•     •     •     •     •     

At a business meeting at a private club, I ordered a glass of lemonade and received a glass of lemon juice. Nothing like a cool refreshing mouthful of acid!

•     •     •     •     •     

My brother’s mother-in-law was a vegetarian in a rural community who once accompanied her husband to his company’s annual dinner. The dinner organizers were very proud of themselves for coming up with something they assured her was much better than the plates of plain vegetables she’d been served in the past. Her husband got steak. She got a slice of watermelon cut into the shape of a steak.

•     •     •     •     •     

Please share your own stories of work restaurant meals gone wrong in the comment section.

The post let’s discuss chaos at work restaurant meals appeared first on Ask a Manager.

09 Oct 14:27

Synology caves, walks back some drive restrictions on upcoming NAS models

by Lee Hutchinson

If you were considering the purchase of a Synology NAS but were leery of the unreasonably high cost of populating it with special Synology-branded hard disk drives, you can breathe a little easier today. In a press release dated October 8, Synology noted that with the release of its latest Disk Station Manager (DSM) update, some of its 2025 model-year products—specifically, the Plus, Value, and J-series DiskStation NAS devices—would "support the installation and storage pool creation of non-validated third-party drives."

This unexpected move comes just a few months after Synology aggressively expanded its "verified drive" policy down-market to the entire Plus line of DiskStations. Prior to today, the network-attached storage vendor had shown no signs of swerving from the decision, painting it as a pro-consumer move intended to enhance reliability. "Extensive internal testing has shown that drives that follow a rigorous validation process when paired with Synology systems are at less risk of drive failure and ongoing compatibility issues," Synology previously claimed in an email to Ars.

What is a “verified” or “validated” drive?

Synology first released its own brand of hard disk drives back in 2021 and began requiring their use in a small but soon-to-increase number of its higher-end NAS products. Although the drives were rebadged offerings from other manufacturers—there are very few hard disk drive OEMs, and Synology isn't one of them—the company claimed that its branded disks underwent significant additional validation and testing that, when coupled with customized firmware, yielded reliability and performance improvements over off-the-shelf components.

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09 Oct 14:21

Despite RFK Jr.’s shenanigans, COVID shot access will be a lot like last year

by Beth Mole

The acting director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has finally signed off on recommendations for this season's COVID-19 vaccines—and, with that, access to the shots will, in the end, look a lot like the access people had last year.

Here’s what to know

You still have access and coverage: For this year, anyone age 6 months and older will still have access to the shots, and the shots should be fully covered under private insurance plans and federal programs—including Medicare, Medicaid, Children’s Health Insurance Program, Vaccines for Children Program, and insurance plans regulated by the Affordable Care Act.

In fact, for private insurance plans, AHIP—the trade organization that represents major insurers—had already stated that regardless of how this year's messy federal recommendations ended up, private insurance plans would maintain their previous coverage with no cost sharing.

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