Noela Rukundo lived happily in Australia with her husband Balenga Kalala until she left to visit her the country of Burundi where she grew up for her stepmother's funeral.
In Burundi, she stepped out for some air after finishing a phone call with her loving husband to meet a man with a gun pointed at her. Under the threat of death, she did what he told her to do and was taken to a secluded place where her kidnappers met with other gang members. Fortunately for her, the hitmen her husband sent to kill her were principled.
They told her they don't kill women and children so after some theatrics over the phone, during which she heard her own husband command them to "Kill her" and the hitmen demanded more money and told him that she was dead.
With evidence from her would-be killers she headed home to crash her own funeral. She showed up right as mourning friends and family were leaving her husband's home.
What kind of thing would you say to the person you love who tried to have you murdered? Rukundo told the BBC she just said, "Surprise! I'm still alive!"
Submitted by: (via BBC)
Von Miller is fucking hilarious. I'm gonna root Broncos now.
Panthers' Von Miller and Broncos' Josh Norman play a few rounds
FUCK THAT. HE BETTER GET MURDERED IN THE FIRST MINUTE
According to TVLine, Matt Czuchry will be returning to Gilmore Girls for its four-part revival on Netflix, reprising his role as the lovable(?) jackass Logan Huntzberger. This is the news that a lot of Gilmore Girls fans have dreaded since the revival was announced, because it means there’s a chance that Rory will either get back together with him or consider getting back together with him, both of which are unacceptable. Everyone except the most frustrating contrarians know that Rory is supposed to be with Jess, or, barring that, she should be out kicking ass on her own because she doesn’t need some man to drag her down.
This casting update comes only a couple of days after Melissa McCarthy revealed that she hasn’t been asked to return for the Gilmore Girls revival, which either means that Czuchry and Logan are significantly more important to the storyline ...
And it worked!
Designing BB-8 by Elvira Ibragimova
Capko and Alyssa's favorite song of all time
While at Super Bowl media day, the always brilliant PFT Commenter asked Panthers tight end Greg Olsen about his third leg. I didn’t get the joke, because I had somehow never heard of the Seventh Floor Crew. If you have, please feel free to ignore this blog post, but if you are ignorant as I was, get ready for some heat.
Some say he’s still sliding…
ahhh spot on
Jared!!! Get excited! Finally they can undo all that Logan bullshit
Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel are set to return
Ohhhh that's a shame
Having recently wrapped up shooting on his latest project, the bonkers-sounding “vicious beauty” horror film The Neon Demon, Dutch visual mastermind Nicolas Winding Refn is in the market for a new script. According to Deadline, he might have found it in a story from Neil Purvis and Robert Wade, the screenwriting team that’s contributed work to every James Bond film produced in the last 17 years.
Not much is known about the new film, except that it has both “thriller and action elements,” suggesting that Refn hasn’t decided to take a hard left turn into lavishly photographed, hyper-kinetic period drama, and an Asian setting, worryingly reminiscent of Only God Forgives, his over-the-top follow-up to 2011’s critically beloved Drive.
Still, Purvis and Wade—whose Bond run stretches from 1999’s The World Is Not Enough to last year’s Spectre—are old hands at crafting stories of taciturn ...
UHHHHH FUCK YES THAT'S TOO MUCH
That looks phenominal
How I want to go. (via kokorobrokoro)
That is incredible
Michael Phelps, who has been training at Arizona State in advance of the upcoming Olympics, participated in the ASU student section’s Curtain of Distraction during tonight’s game against Oregon State. And wouldn’t you know it, OSU guard Stephen Thompson Jr. missed both of his free throws.
IN A FUCKING HEARTBEAT
Never mind the fact that his name is “D’Angelo” and not “DeAngelo” and Mr. HoopsCritic is mostly known around these parts as being a salty Hinkie-hater: According to Brian Geltzeiler, the Lakers are open to trade talks involving this year’s second-overall draft pick, D’Angelo Russell. So here is where I ask, would you do this:
Okafor + Heat Pick + Thunder pick for D'Angelo Russell and the removal of the protection on the Lakers pick.
— Jim Adair (@jimadair3) January 28, 2016
Here’s what that does for the Sixers: It clarifies their structure in the frontcourt with the semi-logjam of Noel, Embiid, and Okafor. To do this, you gotta have some REAL confidence in Embiid’s health, but if you do, pulling that trigger is easier to digest. It also gives you a great shot at pulling in this year’s golden goose, Ben Simmons. By removing the top-3 pick protection on the Lakers’ pick, you essentially end up with a 44.9% chance – in the likely event that the Sixers and Lakers end up with the two worst records in the NBA – of getting that top overall pick. The Sixers would also then get another pick – either their own or the Lakers’ – which would be, at worst, fourth overall, while sacrificing two picks likely to be from 15-25 in the process. Additionally, if you believe the pre-draft talk, Russell is who the Sixers really wanted anyway, since they need a guard.
That would mean the Sixers’ 2017 lineup could look like this: D’Angelo Russell, Brandon Ingram (with your second draft pick), Ben Simmons (with your first draft pick), Nerlens Noel, Robert Covington, Dario Saric, Joel Embiid, and whomever else they grab. The real key in the deal is drastically improving your shot at the number one pick– Simmons.
But this is just a fun little exercise, mainly. The Lakers were previously asked to remove that pick protection for Goran Dragic and those talks went nowhere. However, they’re sitting Russell because he’s literally trying to win games, while Kobe is happily flailing about in the name of HONOR. I’m driven by the fear that not only do the Lakers keep their pick this year, but it’s #1 and they get Simmons, leaving the Sixers one step short again. This fixes that.
Would you do it?
I know we're huge Flyers guys so we should probably start watching more...
— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) January 28, 2016
The Flyers are off for the next six days for the All-Star break, so this should keep you warm for a little while. Just violent, that snipe. Violent.
The Flyers are frustratingly adequate this year– good enough to watch, bad enough to disappoint us sometime in April.
Still very torn about this. If Ford is actually playing Deckar again, then he's NOT a replicant right? It'd be official? Unless they pull some Terminator Genisys bullshit on us
We’ve previously reported that Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford have both signed on to star in a sequel to Blade Runner, but since projects like that have a tendency to not happen, one might be a little hesitant to believe that those casting reports are anything but an excuse to get fans worked up. Now, though, the Blade Runner sequel is actually moving forward, albeit very slowly. According to Hitfix, Sony has picked up the worldwide distribution rights to the movie, which—combined with Warner Bros.’ commitment to handle U.S. distribution—basically means that the project will actually happen. Not only that, but in Sony’s announcement about picking up the rights, it once again confirmed that Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford will star in the sequel, with Ford inexplicably reprising his role as Rick Deckard, a guy who was totally a robot and therefore should’ve died ...
Use this recipe. Don't support Pat O'Neil. Thank you.
Super neat-o 100%!
Despite the visual beauty and life-giving nature of plants, there’s always been one main problem with our vegetative friends: plants can’t fly. A small company called Hoshinchu based out of Kyushu, Japan, recently set out to fix the problem that evolution forgot by inventing the Air Bonsai, a system for magnetically levitating small bonsai trees several inches above a small electrified pedestal. The system allows you to create your own miniature Avatar-like worlds with tiny trees or shrubs planted in balls of moss, but is also powerful enough to suspend special ceramic dishes of fragments of lava rock.
Air Bonsai is currently funding like crazy on Kickstarter and is availble in a number of configurations starting with a base DIY kit for $200 that requires you to use your own plants up to more elaborate designs that may only ship in Japan. (via Spoon & Tamago)
Please arrest Bill. He has oversaturated the market.
Such an obvious mistake that I'd never pick up on
One of the best things about Halo
Users can vote on which ones stay next week
Damn that looks fun
Draw your own conclusions about how and why Alex Ovechkin happened to run into D.C. CBS station WUSA at a gas station. All we know is that the Capitals star had three words in response to a query about whether he’s prepared for the blizzard assaulting our nation’s capital: “We’re from Russia.”