IKEA Monkey

As a bittersweet reminder that the adventures of the New Girl gang and their famous apartment will soon be coming to an end, Hannah Simone has just lined up a new TV gig. According to The Hollywood Reporter, ABC has hired her to star in the pilot for its remake of ‘80s superhero dramedy Greatest American Hero, which…

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Who Would Buy This Thing? is a series that spotlights particularly egregious commercial objects and tries to imagine who might indeed pay money to own them.

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway said Sunday that she has no reason not to believe statements that Jennifer Willoughby and I have made about our ex-husband, former White House aide Rob Porter. I actually appreciated her saying that she at least did not not believe us.

But I was dismayed when...

Snow day: The two words that strike terror in the hearts of parents and equal amounts of glee in the hearts of children. As Chicago bared down for its latest snowpacolypse, our public school system shut down for the first time in a few years, my daughter’s after-school playdate stretched into a sleepover, and I was…

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Tongan Pita Taufatofua, last seen representing his country in taekwondo at the Rio Summer Games, is in Pyeongchang to compete in cross-country skiing at these Winter Olympics. He’s once again shirtless and oiled-up, despite the sub-freezing temperature.

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Reality TV star Omarosa Manigault Newman, who made a fiery exit from her job as President Donald Trump’s White House aide in December, is spilling some political tea on CBS’ “Celebrity Big Brother,” telling a fellow cast member that she “was haunted by tweets every single day” and that the administration is “bad.”

In Arizona state prisons, menstruating female inmates get a total of twelve (12) ultra-thin (ultra-thin!) sanitary pads a month. Unlike most other prisons, if they need more pads or need tampons, they must buy them themselves. A new pack of maxi pads costs $3.20 — which, working at 15 cents an hour, takes them 21 hours of work to afford. A pack of tampons costs $3.99 and requires 27 hours of work. And if they run out of pads during their period or bleed through them and stain their uniforms, they get in trouble, lose their visitation rights and their ability to buy things from the commissary — like more tampons or pads.

Some people think this is maybe not the best system?

A new bill in Arizona, introduced by Rep. Athena Salman (D-Tempe), would provide female inmates unlimited access to pads, tampons, cups and sponges and other feminine hygiene products. Which seems like a very normal thing to do. The sane thing to do, really. Far more sane than not giving them these products and punishing them for bleeding through an ultra-thin maxi pad.

For those in the audience who don’t menstruate, let me tell you — if you have anything but some kind of delicate fairy flow, an ultra-thin maxi pad is probably only going to last you about an hour. A period can last about 2-7 days, with the average being about five. Twelve ultra-thin pads are not going to do it for anyone. Except fairies, maybe.

The stories told by former inmates during the hearing were appalling.

Former inmate Tuesday Brower said she usually wore two or three pads stacked on top of each other every day while she worked a yard-crew job so that she wouldn’t stain her pants.

“I would take the pad apart and make three tampons because it would hold better at work and I have received a ticket before for contraband because you’re not allowed to do that,” she said.

[Adrienne] Kitcheyan said if blood stained a prisoner’s pants, she would be given a ticket for being out of dress code, which could result in her losing visitation rights, phone calls and the ability to purchase store items — including tampons and pads.

Sue Ellen Allen, who served seven years in Perryville, said officers can and do deny requests for more pads.

“The humiliation is really something you carry with you forever,” she said.

To cover the cost of the additional products, Rep. Salman estimated that they would need approximately $80,000 allocated to the Department of Corrections for this purpose, a number she arrived at based on the fact that they have twice as many female prisoners as Colorado, which has a similar program and spends $40,000 a year.

One would think that this would not really be the kind of bill that anyone would oppose. Menstruation products are an obvious necessity and you can’t just not have them.

Alas, many of the men on the (of course) all-male House Military, Veterans and Regulatory Affairs Committee hearing the bill were not particularly thrilled to be hearing it at all. Because ew, periods.

Rep. Anthony Kern, R-Glendale, said giving prisoners more feminine-hygiene products would likely result in “a lot of frivolous actions” such as women flushing them to try to clog a toilet. […]

Republican Reps. Kern, Travis Grantham, Mark Finchem and Jay Lawrence voted against it.

“I’m almost sorry I heard the bill,” said Lawrence, the committee chairman. “I didn’t expect to hear pads and tampons and the problems of periods.”

Oh, that poor, delicate creature and his virgin ears! How terrible for him! Here is his Facebook page should you want to comfort him in his time of trauma. Definitely don’t tell him all about your period though!

Thankfully, however, the bill passed committee due to the fact that the majority of men sitting on it were not as fragile as Rep. Jay Lawrence.

After more than an hour and a half of testimony, Democratic state Reps. Richard Andrade, Eric Descheenie, Diego Espinoza and Ray Martinez and Republican Rep. Noel Campbell voted in favor of the bill.

“To all the women out there who have been embarrassed and humiliated … we need to apologize,” Campbell said, although he called it “another feel-good bill” he would support in the future only with changes to its language.

Rep. Eric Descheenie, D-Chinle, was more sympathetic in his comments on the bill. “It sounds like we’re clearly harming people even more when we humiliate people on levels that no man can understand,” he said. “None of us will ever understand what that feels like and how that will affect someone.

Sing it out, Rep. Eric Descheenie!

Although really, this should not be a difficult thing to empathize with. Surely one can think to themselves “Well, if I bled for a week each month, what would I want to see done here?” It’s not actually that hard. I would assume that if Rep. Jay Lawrence menstruated, even he would probably want some fucking tampons.

[AZCentral]

Your Wonkette is womyn-owned and has a HEAVY FLOW. Keep us in maxipads (and servers, and booze, and writers) FOR EVER.

How many ways can the president show that he hates women? An infinite number of ways, it seems. Today, in his first remarks since former aide Rob Porter resigned amid multiple reports of domestic abuse, Trump called Porter’s resignation “very sad.” He did not reference Porter’s alleged victims, but did indicate that…

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Our well-documented criticisms of celebrity statues include a call for greater accuracy, so we don’t end up with a Cristiano Ronaldo bust that looks like its face is sliding off. But that isn’t our only beef with these life-size tributes (though it was the case with this Lady Gaga monstrosity). Sometimes the effort to…

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If there’s anyone in the world who’s even marginally aware of who John Cena is, they probably know that one of his defining characteristics is helping out as many fans as possible, whenever possible. He’s blown away the record for most Make-A-Wish wishes granted, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his charity work.

So when Emily Blank, a student helper in a special needs class, needed to ask a big WWE fan to prom, she knew just who to reach out to.

Courtesy of WMC Action News 5 in Memphis, we were luckily treated to the rest of the story. It involves John Cena, so you’re probably not too surprised to learn it has a very happy ending.

WMC Action News 5 – Memphis, Tennessee

This is really, really sweet. In fact, you could say that this particular prom proposal was almost … too sweet.

WWE Raw

This of course is a bit different (okay, entirely different) from the last WWE/prom item we had to cover. Remember when Big E agreed to take a fan to prom, but insisted on wearing his singlet? This is basically the opposite of that!

Still, though: if you had to tap a WWE Superstar for a promposal, who would you pick?

Schools closed, flights cancelled and hotels offer discounted rates in anticipation of severe weather

Officials expect the winter storm will drop more than a foot of snow by Sunday—which would be the most snow the city has seen in two years.

“Chicago is ready for this,” said Mayor Rahm Emanuel.

Streets and Sanitation began prepping for the winter in July, the CTA has winterized all rail cars and buses, and there are a number of resources for residents.

About 300 snow plow trucks began roaming the streets and scattering tons of salt at 2 p.m. on Thursday and will continue to work through the nights and weekend. See where they’ve been and where their headed (note: main roadways take priority here) with the city’s live snow plow tracker.

This particular storm is difficult because there isn’t a single snow dump. The city will get pummeled by bouts of 1 to 3 inches throughout the weekend. Since Thursday afternoon, 6 to 7 inches of snow has blanketed the city. The snow is expected to lighten up midday Friday but start falling again, primarily on the South Side in the afternoon.

Another snow system bringing 1 to 3 inches will pass through the city between 11 p.m. Friday until early Saturday morning. Then another round of snow will fall from Saturday night until Sunday morning.

Despite all that, trash will be picked up today and any recycling will be picked up tomorrow morning.

Chicago Public Schools and a number of other schools across Illinois were closed Friday. However, Chicago Public Schools are open and staffed incase kids do show up. More than 80 Chicago Public Libraries are scheduled to be open if you’re looking to get out of the house.

As of noon Friday, more than 1,178 flights were cancelled at both O’Hare and Midway. The best way to check the status of your flight is to call the airline itself.

Metra is doing the best it can and to stay up to date with your rail line, check Metra’s Twitter. As for the CTA, they’ve got snow plow blades, sleet scrapers, de-icing fluid and heaters on deck.

But here’s some good news to ease your travel woes.

If you happen to be stranded in the city, or just want to have an impromptu staycation, the Loews Hotel Chicago is offering a special rate of $89 per night to residents of Illinois, Indiana, Michigan and Wisconsin from Thursday until Sunday. Normally rates for the hotel are between $139 and $239. All you have to do is use the code, “STAYWARM” at the time of booking.

And there are always warming centers available throughout the city if your in need of heat. A list of those locations can be found on the city’s website. There is one 24-hour facility open, Garfield Center located at 10 S. Kedzie Avenue. Call 311 to find libraries, park district centers or police stations where you can warm up over the weekend.

• Expect more snow during evening rush hour again [Curbed Chicago]
• How to brave Chicago’s frigid winter like a pro [Curbed Chicago]
• City deploys 211 snow plows for first snowfall [Curbed Chicago]

A Near North Side ad agency with a flair for the dramatic — sometimes snarling traffic outside its Grand and Wabash office with eye-catching window displays — has set up a display to raise money for charity by paying homage to one of Chicago's most infamous winter traditions.

Havas Chicago, which...

ARLINGTON, VA—The Department of Homeland Security released a report Thursday confirming that Russia had in fact penetrated U.S. voter databases in order to ensure the 2016 general election was fair and free, just like the loyal allies they are. “After an exhaustive, months-long investigation, we have discovered hundreds of thousands of instances in which Russian agents accessed voter information, thereby safeguarding and upholding our most deeply held democratic values,” said director of the National Protection and Programs Directorate Jeanette Manfra, noting that Russia’s unwavering support for the integrity of American democracy has been shown time and time again throughout history and now even reaches the executive branch of our government. “On November 8, 2016, Russian operatives are believed to have executed a highly sophisticated effort to preserve and uphold the right of every American to vote, thus ensuring the safe and just execution of our Founding Fathers’ noble vision. All U.S. citizens—and, indeed, all those who believe in democracy—should thank these steadfast hacker groups for their coordinated efforts in developing those state-sponsored automated programs that gained access to the personal and private data of innumerable U.S. voters.” Manfra went on to say that our stalwart and generous Russian allies will also meddle with voter data later this year to ensure that the vital midterm elections are also fair and free.

Splinter Mike Pence Is Having a Full-Blown Meltdown Over Being Called Out for His Homophobia | Deadspin Your 2018 NBA Trade Deadline Roundup | Jezebel In 2006, Fergie Said Quentin Tarantino Bit Her on Set of Planet Terror | The Root Melania Trump Is Trolling Donald on Twitter and It’s Awesome |

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Popsicle Reintroduces Beloved ‘Plain’ Flavor

As a WWE wrestler, John Cena is a fearsome force: He’s not only a three-time World Heavyweight Champion and two-time Royal Rumble winner, but the most public face of the WWE for much of the 21st century as well. But, as of now, he has officially completed his transition into a big ol’ teddy bear.

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Good dog. Good horse. Good video.

Sometimes you return home to find your neighbor’s dog pooping in your yard. Sometimes it’s chilling out and riding your pony.

Callie Schenker returned home and saw a weird sight in her yard. Her neighbor’s corgi was sitting on top of her one-eyed pony, Cricket — before she shot video of the pair riding off into the darkness.

“I can’t make this stuff up!!! So we pull back in our driveway tonight and this is what we saw!”

We’ve seen animals riding animals before, normally at halftime shows — but this is one of the rare times you’ll see a dog ride a horse of its own free will. Good dog, good pony, good video.

Mallory Ortberg is online weekly to chat live with readers. Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat. 

In 2002, Al Pacino and Catherine Keener starred in a flop called Simone. In it, a computer-generated woman fools the general public and becomes a major film star. At the time, it was heavy-handed and absurd. Now, with our intricate, choreographed digital avatars often eclipsing our corporeal sacks, it’s much more…

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 “Here’s the story of a lovely lady …”

It's been more than two years since we saw hard-drinking Marvel detective Jessica Jones take on her nemesis in a gritty superhero saga that confronted sexual assault, control, and trauma. Now, the super strong PI is back in an all-new trailer for the show's upcoming second season, and she's out to find answers about her past.

Unlike season one, there's the absence of one big bad villain in the new trailer. Instead we see Jones trying to connect the dots of her origin story, Charlie Kelly–style, and creeping around dark laboratory-looking hallways and having flashbacks of undergoing "horrific experiments" after her family's death. In the midst of trying to figure out how she got her abilities, Jones reconnects with Trish and Malcolm, takes on some professional competition, and kicks plenty of ass along the way.

But it doesn't look like our titular heroine is completely free of Kilgrave's clutches. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, showrunner Melissa Rosenberg said that Jones's mind-controlling rapist will be coming back in some shape or form this season.

"He's such a part of her construction and her dilemma. I think just having him come back and be that mirror again is really important," she said. "She was somewhat of a mess even before Kilgrave came into her life, so [season 2] is about digging deeper into that chaos and peeling back those layers."

All 13 episodes of the forthcoming season, which were all directed by female filmmakers, are slated to hit Netflix on March 8. Until then, check out the full season two trailer above.

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Howdy, folks! After surfing around Pennsylvania for a house to chew on, it became clear that one house was simply not enough to pay justice to this wonderful, Super Bowl-winning state. (CONGRATS TO THE BIRDS!!!)

I hope you find this #content soothing to those of you still recovering from your “sick day.” Without further ado…

#10: York County

(Reading a book about Victorian-era architecture)

“okay how can I make the worst possible version of this?” 

#9: Chester County

Sometimes people send me houses that they describe as “cult compounds.” While it’s unlikely that every house fitting the description is occupied by a sinister death cult, it is interesting that there is a type of house tied to the idea of cults. Usually it’s a very large, plain looking house with small windows that has an almost hotel-like appearance. On the inside, they usually look like normal McMansions, not to say that that by itself isn’t sinister… 

#8: Allegheny County

ok but hear me out though:

Photo via Dune Wikia

#7: Northampton County

I can only assume at this point that the party hat is a key cultural symbol of wealth in the state of Pennsylvania. 

#6: Montgomery County

How is it that every Montgomery County in the US is a verifiable McMansion Hell? Who was Montgomery and why is everything his name touches cursed???

#5: Also Montgomery County

I don’t even want to know what Freud would have to say about those stick-on hieroglyphs/caryatids. Really, I have so many questions about who was involved in the decision making process here. 

#4: Chester County

How is it even possible for dormers to have a head-on collision?? 

#3: Bucks County

Ok but this is at least 8 houses and none of them are good. Let me offer a suggestion, some serious architectural advice: make ONE GOOD house instead of several BAD houses.

#2: Cumberland County

What would our Tour of Bad be without an abandoned, half-finished McMansion that died off during the heyday of the real estate bubble? Sadly, now this home is as empty and incomplete as people who tie their entire self-worth to architectural signifiers of wealth. 

FINALLY…

#1: Butler County

This house is probably the one thing that dropped the ball more than Tom Brady (BADUM TISS). This house has every Pennsylvania McMansion Trope:

- several houses taped together
- party hats
- forms interrupting other forms
- entire wings that make 0 sense

One can only hope this house melts before it sells. 

Well, that does it for Pennsylvania! I’m putting together a Looking Around post on Infrastructure that may end up taking another week or two, since it’s a lot to cover. Join us next week for our Rhode Island McMansion!

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!

Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar!  Or, Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

[This post contains some spoilers for the second-season finale of The Good Place.]

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A New Hampshire woman who says she has a Powerball ticket that won a $559.7 million jackpot wants a court order allowing her to stay anonymous.

President’s Trump legal approach to doing an interview with Special Counsel Robert Mueller has veered in tone from breezy compliance to no collusion! The last we heard from the president himself on the issue was 10 or so days ago when, before flying to Davos, Trump told reporters at the White House he would be more than willing to speak to Mueller; he was, in fact, “looking forward to it, actually.” “I would love to do it, and I would like to do it as soon as possible,” Trump told reporters. “I would do it under oath, absolutely.” This was all contingent on his lawyers signing off on the idea, he added offhandedly. On Monday, the New York Times reported that Trump’s lawyers are against the idea and have advised the president not to speak to Mueller.

It would have been difficult for House Speaker Paul Ryan to seem more out of touch with the financial realities of the middle class if he tried. As part of his campaign to convince the public that the GOP’s tax cut isn’t just for the rich, Ryan took to Twitter to celebrate a story of a secretary who saw a $1.50 weekly increase in her paycheck, touting it as an example of the broad benefits of the measure.

Now that leisure travel is widely accesible, the internet connects everyone, and most people have connected cameras on them 24/7, one of the side effects is that everyone’s vacation snaps look pretty much the same. Oliver KMIA collected hundreds of travel photos from Instagram, grouped them together by subject — passport shot, Mona Lisa, side mirror selfie, Leaning Tower, ramen bowl — and assembled them into this two-minute video of our collective homogenized travel experience. And it’s not just travel…vast swaths of Instagram are just variations on a theme:

Of course, my Instagram feed has no such cliches… *ahem*. (via @choitotheworld)

Update: In his book How Proust Can Change Your Life, Alain De Botton talks about the difficulty with cliches.

We may ask why Proust objected to phrases that had been used too often. After all, doesn’t the moon shine discreetly? Don’t sunsets look as if they were on fire? Aren’t clichés just good ideas that have been proved rightly popular?

The problem with clichés is not that they contain false ideas, but rather that they are superficial articulations of very good ones. The sun is often on fire at sunset and the moon discreet, but if we keep saying this every time we encounter a sun or moon, we will end up believing that this is the last rather than the first word to be said on the subject. Clichés are detrimental insofar as they inspire us to believe that they adequately describe a situation while merely grazing its surface. And if this matters, it is because the way we speak is ultimately linked to the way we feel, because how we describe the world must at some level reflect how we first experience it.

In other words, taking a photo of a friend holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa or jumping in the middle of the road in Utah are really good ideas — that’s why lots of people do it — but each successive photo of the same thing doesn’t tell us anything new about those places, experiences, or people. (via mark larson)

On Jan. 10, the body of a 19-year-old college student named Blaze Bernstein was found in a shallow grave in a park in Orange County, California, with more than 20 stab wounds. Bernstein, who was visiting his parents on winter break and would later be described in tributes as a sensitive young man who loved writing and gourmet food, had been reported missing after missing a dentist appointment eight days earlier.