IKEA MonkeyERIN
Earlier today, Janelle Monáe announced her sophomore record, The Electric Lady, is due out Sept. 10, and with that news also came a new single. “Dance Apocalyptic” is equal parts Michael Jackson circa Jackson 5, soul, pop, and Sesame Street. In other words, it’s pretty good.
In other pretty good news, both Prince and Miguel will appear on The Electric Lady. Erykah Badu also pops up on the record’s lead single, “Q.U.E.E.N.”
Read moreIKEA MonkeyYes, yes it does. Servers tip out to bussers and other non-tipped personnel so if you don't tip, they have to pay out of their pocket to tip out to other restaurant employees. Duh. It's a shittys ystem but it isn't the waiter's fault. Tip the waiter, don't be a dick.
Great discussions are par for the course here on Lifehacker. Each day, we highlight a discussion that is particularly helpful or insightful, along with other great discussions and reader questions you may have missed. Check out these discussions and add your own thoughts to make them even more wonderful!
    
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IKEA MonkeyHAM
IKEA MonkeySasha's face = reason for waking up today
First came The New Woman, a 19th century feminist. Then came the New Man, just trying to help her out and make things equal. Now we have The New Dad. What does he look like? According to the Boston College Center for Work and Family, he looks a lot like a woman who's trying to Lean In; he wants it all, but the system won't let him have it.
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IKEA MonkeyMJH, looking good even after Clarissa stopped explaning it all.
In today's edition of Tweet Beat, Melissa Joan Hart's son makes his first tweet, Bette Midler misspells Salman Rushdie's name, and Emma Watson unearths a picture of her and Neville Longbottom.
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IKEA MonkeyHa I love her
This is the most adorable vine that's ever been vined. Who wants to be bff with Maisie Williams? (Entire world raises all their hands.)
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IKEA MonkeyNeed a couch moved
From /Film: “As speculation about the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe runs rampant, be it Guardians of the Galaxy, Robert Downey Jr., Doctor Strange or strange release dates, a new wrinkle can now be added. Vin Diesel has taken to Facebook to say, ‘Marvel has requested a meeting… no idea what for… haha, you probably know better than me…’“
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IKEA MonkeyA flower than generates HEAT. Fucking rad.
We enjoy flowers because of their colors, shapes and scents, but all those bells and whistles are not intended for us. They’re meant to attract pollinators—usually bees and butterflies, but some plants prefer flies and carrion-eating beetles. To tempt these discerning insects, some flowers emit an odor similar to rotting flesh. There are a number of varieties of stinking flowers, or carrion flowers, as they’re sometimes called. We’ve listed some of the most outlandish.
This rare meaty red flower (above) is found in Borneo and Sumatra, growing parasitically on the roots of a vine found in the rainforest. It’s enormous, measuring up to three feet across. The buds take several months to develop into flowers, and the flowers last only a few days. They are one of several varieties of Rafflesia, all pollinated by flies.
These small understory trees are native to eastern North America. The fruits have been compared to mangos in texture and to bananas in flavor, but they don’t ship or store well so they aren’t often sold in stores. They’re pollinated by flies and beetles, and the large flowers are droopy and purply-red. Like flesh.
This African succulent produces hairy star-shaped flowers that are an attractive yellow color shot with red veins—and smell like rotting flesh. Sometimes called a toad plant, this and other varieties of stapelia are grown as houseplants around the world.
This Central American tree produces putrid trumpet flowers that form on the branches and trunk. The fruit, hard and gourd-like, has edible seeds. The hard shell is sometimes used to make jewelry and bowls.
The name of this plant means “giant misshapen phallus” in Greek. It’s found in the rainforests of Sumatra, along with the Rafflesia. The flowers can be up to 10 feet tall, and are pollinated by both beetles and flies.
This climbing vine has heart-shaped leaves and poisonous tubular flowers. It’s found in Europe, and was used medicinally for pregnant women until it was discovered that the plant causes kidney failure.
This odiferous plant, named for its skunky aroma, is found along streambanks in the Pacific Northwest, ranging as far north as Alaska and as far south as Santa Cruz. The flowers look a little like bright yellow calla lilies.
This family of mushrooms smells like rotting flesh and poop, which gets flies all excited. The flies help spread spores so the mushrooms can reproduce.
The Dracunculus vulgaris, also known as the stink lily, comes from Greece and the surrounding area. The flowers are dark purple and smell like meat. It’s grown as an ornamental plant in North America.
This plant from the Mediterranean is pollinated by blowflies—you know, the ones that lay their eggs in cadavers and help forensics experts determine the time of death? The beefsteak-colored flowers also generate heat, further tricking flies into thinking they’re landing on delicious decomposing meat.
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IKEA MonkeyLovely. I am always uncomfortable with the tabloid "she bounced right back!" stories they obsess with. This feels much more honest and true.
Jade Beall is a photographer and a mom, who is using her skills behind the camera to document what happens to women's bodies when they give birth.
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IKEA MonkeyIn lieu of a wrestling post this week, I give you this.
Dear Hollywood Wax Museum,
I recently visited your Los Angeles location and was exceptionally disappointed with what I saw.
Upon entering, I was greeted by your Tom Hanks in Castaway waxwork. It was not very good. Scary, even.
I have never seen Castaway, so there may actually be a scene in which Tom Hanks becomes blind in one eye, but I doubt that is the case.
But it wasn't just your Tom Hanks that was awful. It was all of your waxworks. They look like something from the nightmares of a person who has been blind since birth and has no real concept of what human beings look like.
Some time ago, I watched a documentary about a ship that sank in the Baltic Sea. There was this one shot that has haunted me since, where they showed the beautiful, blond wife of one of the people who had gone down with the ship. She was standing on the shoreline, looking out into the Baltic Sea as it slowly dawned on her that she would never be seeing her husband again. There was a sadness in her eyes that haunts me to this day.
Your Cameron Diaz looks identical to how that looks in my head. I am genuinely surprised she hasn't yet sued for defamation.
Some of your waxworks are so bad that I would never have had even the slightest of clues who they were if I hadn't been explicitly told. Like this beautiful goth woman who, apparently, is meant to be Hugh Jackman.
However, credit where it's due: your Steve Jobs waxwork was actually very good. I'm not entirely sure why you decided to suspend him from the ceiling on wires, though, but bravo.
Beyond just looking really, really, really, really shitty, your waxworks have a larger issue: you have, without exception, managed to depict each celebrity as a character in their least memorable movie.
For instance, you chose to depict Adam Sandler, star of The Waterboy, Big Daddy, Happy Gilmore, and dozens of other films that people have actually seen (or heard of) as his character from the movie where it rains gumballs. Google tells me, it is called Bedtime Stories.
Pierce Brosnan, who has played James Bond multiple times, is shown as his character in The Thomas Crown Affair. (For a millionaire art thief, he is wearing a VERY cheap suit.)
You put Sean Connery and Daniel Craig, who, again, have both played James Bond, as their characters in The Hunt for Red October and Cowboys & Aliens, respectively.
And Michael Caine, who recently played Alfred in that super popular Batman reboot, is shown as his character from The Cider House Rules.
It's almost as if you have some kind of supernatural power to predict which movie is going to be the least enduring of an actor's career.
You should sell this ability to movie studios. Like, they could call you up and say, “Hey, we wanna make a comedy western with Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson—does that sound good to you? Like the kinda thing you'd wanna make into a waxwork? Yeah? OK, cool, we're shutting it down.” You could save them hundreds of millions of dollars a year.
I realize that these things are probably pretty expensive to make. But come on, guys... The Cable Guy? That has been nobody's favorite Jim Carrey movie for almost 20 years now. How much could it possibly cost to toss a Hawaiian shirt on this thing and make it Ace Ventura?
It's not like you're incapable of change. Judging by the surroundings and private investigator badge, this used to be Keanu in Constantine. Judging by the plaid shirt it's currently wearing, you made the wise decision to change it to Speed Keanu instead.
So why are we still having to look at Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes–era Mark Wahlberg?
I can understand why you wouldn't put in the effort to change things up—the place was PACKED when I visited, so I guess you have little incentive to do anything.
Unless... Wait. Are you guys trying to piss people off? Is this an elaborate troll?
I can think of no other reason why there would be not just one, but fucking TWO Jack Blacks.
Just to be clear, you have none of these people represented: the Beatles, Meryl Streep, Robin Williams, Elton John, Whitney Houston, Oprah, Bruce Willis, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts, Eddie Murphy, John Travolta, Madonna, Jack Nicholson, James Dean, Whoopi Goldberg, Sandra Bullock, any US president, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Michael Jordan, Judy Garland, Audrey Hepburn, Patrick Swayze, etc.
But you have both Nacho Libre AND Tropic Thunder Jack Black...
Holy shit! That's it, isn't it? You're trying to annoy people.
Why else would you take Indiana Jones, one of the most beloved movie characters of all time, and position him so it's impossible to get your photograph taken with him without including Shia Labeouf?
Or your Star Wars room where you put Luke, Leia, Yoda, Darth Maul, and Han Solo up on a balcony where nobody could get their pictures taken with them, to make room for:
Jennifer. Fucking. Garner. Now, you must know she isn't in Star Wars, right? And you must also know that no living human is as broad-shouldered as this waxwork?
Very good, you guys. You really had me going for a minute there.
Yours,
Jamie Taete
Go on more trips with Jamie:
I Went to the Playboy Mansion (and it Was Kinda Depressing)
I Got Saved at San Diego's Creationist Museum (Just Kidding, It Sucked)
IKEA MonkeySalmon pants
The Gentleman Scholar inked this question in the margin of his commonplace book a couple months ago, scratching a note to self alongside a draft of a villanelle, a recipe for a Paloma variation, and a doodle of an octopod xylophonist. The sentence regards pants in the usual American sense of trousers, and it regards greens more vibrant than the drab olives and miliatry mosses with which the American male has more traditionally draped his legs. Going about my flaneuristic rounds in New York this spring, I witnessed an unprecedented number of dudes sporting a virid variety of pants and shorts. I espied much mint and seafoam, a lot of grass and Astroturf, some lime and spinach-leaf and haricot vert and Shamrock Shakes shades. And I enviously eyed bold bolts of emerald, which the forecasters of Pantone, issuing a predication that has the force of a decree, have declared the 2013 color of the year.
IKEA MonkeyI hate this. I hate when people just tag me in shit without asking first.
Yesterday Foursquare updated to allow your friends to check you in to places (with your permission). It can save time, but it also takes the choice away from you whether you want the internet to know where you are at a given moment. It's not the only social network that lets friends check you in or tag you publicly. Facebook and Instagram can also out you. Here's how to turn it all off and take the wheel yourself.
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IKEA MonkeyAww. Also, sorry Corey. I know we're already man and wife, but I know part of your heart will always belong to Miz Veronica Mars.
In today's Tweet Beat, Kristen Bell needs to find herself a sloth minister, the rest of Twitter celebrates DOMA and Prop 8 getting overturned, and Anthony Bourdain tweets some meat.
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IKEA MonkeyThe pictures, though
While Paula Deen's backers have been steadily jumping ship since she outed herself as an N-word-using, separate-bathroom-using, down-home deep-fried racist, others of her kind are flocking to support her. In fact, the annual Paula Deen Cruise has tacked on an additional voyage for summer 2014 thanks to high demand.
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IKEA MonkeyHilarious
Saturday Night Live films a full dress rehearsal before each show with more sketches than can fit into the time slot. A few skits are inevitably cut, never to see the airwaves again, unless they surface on the Internet. That's what happened with "Song For Daddy," which was written for host Justin Bieber by Bill Hader, Rob Klein, and Jon Solomon, who fully admit that the nixed sketch is an absolute "trainwreck." The original episode aired Feb. 9, but the actual sketch just surfaced online, and it's a doozy.
The clip is hilariously painful to watch, with a lot of the absurd humor flying over the audience's (which Hader says was "filled with pre-pubescent girls") heads. At one point, an entire wall almost collapses onto Bieber, and the whole time, a hat casts a shadow over half of Hader's face. Even with all the disasters, though ...
Read moreIKEA MonkeyI love the picture she used.
Oh, your parents: Teh Olds. They're always needing technical assistance with the most rudimentary computer tasks. Worse, you can't begrudge them the tech support since they're always helping you out with rides to the movie theater and money for ice cream. You can't deny them service, but goshdarnit, you should demand remuneration for your travails. And if you do it as adorably as this young tech entrepreneur, we're willing to bet you're going to get what you asked for.
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IKEA MonkeyLook at those smiles. Click through to the comments to see an amazing photo of the two of them dancing.
On the eve of the hopeful repeal of the hateful Defense of Marriage Act by the Supreme Court of the United States, let's read all about the gorgeous wedding of Antonio Douthit and Kirven Boyd. The men met while dancing at Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater, and their friendship grew into love.
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IKEA MonkeyShe is a Goddess. She looks amazing always.
IKEA MonkeyI went on eBay out of curiosity and someone is selling the Diana Princess Beanie Baby for like, HALF A MILLION DOLLARS. So that's kind of funny.
Bad, sad news: You're never gonna get rich off your heavily curated Beanie Baby collection.
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IKEA MonkeyLast night was fun. :)
Go celebrate, Chicago, and act like you've been here before. [ more › ]
IKEA MonkeySORCERY
Bite sized tater tots are delicious and convenient, but a lot of people prefer the restaurant-style hash browns that require a fork. If you're sitting down for a nice breakfast at home, it's surprisingly easy to make these fancier hash browns on a waffle iron.
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IKEA MonkeyI always watch these videos. Every time. It is like a hug for my soul.
You ready to sniffle? Because if the furry balls of jumping love don't get you, the cheesy as hell music will. It's like whoever cut this together got ahold of the Drive Me Crazy soundtrack and made it more embarrassing. It's perfect.
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IKEA Monkeyholy shit I loved Square One
If your heart skips a little beat when you hear the words “Turtle Power,” “Toontown,” or “Do it, Rockapella,” you may have gotten your elementary edutainment from a little show called Square One Television. For some of us, it came on every day after school, right before Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and taught us everything from prime numbers to the Fibonacci sequence via comedy sketches, fake game shows, and (oh, yes) music videos. Watch and learn, children:
Originally broadcast from 1987 to 1992, Square One might seem dated and a little cringeworthy to today’s shortly-attention-spanned internet generation, but it was full of––hey, this next video has Vanessa Huxtable in it!
Another face you might recognize: Reg E. Cathey, the tall bass who has since become better known as Mayor Carcetti’s political operative Norman Wilson on The Wire and Freddy the BBQ-joint guy on House of Cards (aka real-world Game of Thrones). Here he is in an early judicial system role, which probably informed his portrayal as badass prison manager Martin Querns on Oz.
Much like its sibling program Sesame Street, Square One was able to attract the warmest stars of the era. There was even a special Square One edition of Video Jukebox, wherein we get to hear MTV’s own Downtown Julie Brown quip, “Is Math important? Bobby McFerrin thinks it is...”
Bobby McFerrin with “Wanna Be” (“You’ve Got to Know Math”):
The Fat Boys with “One Billion”—just one of three Square One joints, also including “Burger Pattern” and “Working Backwards”:
Regina with “Combo Jombo” all about “combinatorics” (a term which may not have been heard since):
The Jets: “Infinity” about what is and isn’t infinity. (Hint: “There is no end.”)
Weird Al Yankovic with the very catchy and appropriately obnoxious “Patterns.”
Like any good variety show, Square One had recurring characters like Math Man and the Dudley Do-Right-esque Dirk Niblick of the Math Brigade. But it is probably best remembered for its show-ending weekly serial, a Dragnet spoof called “Mathnet.”
“The story you’re about to see is a fib. But it’s short,” began every episode, narrated by Sgt. Pat Tuesday and her partner George Frankly, mathematicians who inexplicably got guns, uniforms, and a whole NYC office to themselves, courtesy of the U.S. government. Their motto: “To cogitate and solve.” Their seal, complete with a compass and a bunch of arithmetic symbols, is seen here with (Nerd Alert) lego versions of Sgt. Monday and George.
Courtesy of Flickr user pixbymaia
Fans pay special tribute to "Mathnet" on what was once a very high-tech website, where you can read archived episode descriptions of every Square One episode, including breakdowns of every "Mathnet" ever. “Warning: This page contains SPOILERS.” Don’t miss an interview with the guy who played George, plus his reel, his hopefully outdated address, and information to hire him, if you’re so inclined.
Or if bigger stars still crunch your numbers, "Mathnet" knew them when:
In “The Case of the Unnatural,” character actor Paul Dooley does his usual blue-collar boss-man thing, and John Sayles plays troubled baseballer Lefty Cobb (hitting dingers at 13:13).
In “The Problem of the Missing Monkey,” Yeardley Smith plays a young, not-unlike-Lisa-Simpson animal lover, who advocates for Grunt, a gorilla accused of committing several counts of petty larceny, of course (at 20:22).
No list of ‘90s character actors would be complete without Wayne Knight, seen here as the double-talking Peter Pickwick. Spoiler alert, he turns out to be the who that done it. Or is he...? (He appears at 33:14 and bike riding at 36:13.)
And Weird Al manages to be the only Square One/"Mathnet" crossover star in “Off the Record.” Elementary kids of the ‘90s certainly have a type.
With all that star power, did Square One meet its goal of making math fun and cool...? Well, according to one 1990 educational study, which tested children on their retention after viewing Square One, “Results indicated that over half the children came to see that learning mathematics and having fun were not incompatible activities.”
Remember?! If Square One touched your life, you can keep on counting at their Facebook fan page. Or sign the Guest Page! Remember Guest Pages?
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IKEA MonkeyAmazing. A family member of mine is supposed to have this same surgery in the fall.
Andrew Johnson has been diagnosed with Early Onset Parkinson's Disease and recently underwent deep brain stimulation (DBS) surgery to implant a brain pacemaker that supplies his brain with regular and reliable electrical pulses. In this incredible video, Johnson turns the pacemaker off and you can see the effect that DBS has had on his life.
Understatement of the year at the end of the video. Wow. Johnson writes about his experience with Parkinson's on his site, Young and Shaky. (thx, eamon)
Tags: medicine Parkinson's Disease science videoIKEA MonkeyHow do you just lose a red panda
IKEA MonkeyShe's 12
Just to clarify, not her impure thoughts — her male teammates' thoughts — and not even any impure thoughts that have been articulated, and what the hell IS an impure thought, anyway? Nuzzling at the 7th grade dance and making home in time to watch Vampire Diaries?
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IKEA MonkeyWhat? Walle is adorable! He's so cute!!
The World’s Ugliest Dog contest, an event for people who want to ritualistically shame dogs in a misguided effort to make dogs experience the same aesthetic insecurities that torment the human psyche, has chosen a winner, and no, it’s one of those hideous Chinese Cresteds that looks like it crawled out of a tarpit and was promptly set on fire by a skittish passerby. This year’s uggo dog champion supreme is a beagle/boxer/basset hound mix named Walle, and, quite contrary to his new title, he’s completely adorable.
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