IKEA Monkey

If you're both a fan of convenient, local, web-enabled sex and Mozilla's open source browser, your daily routine is about to get interrupted: Firefox users are now greeted by the following protest message when they land on OKCupid.com:

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Wondering how to deal with nosy neighbors, obnoxious airplane passengers, and people with no boundaries? What do you do if you accidentally poop during sex? How to make it clear to someone you don't like them?

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From A Hamburger Today

SmokeShack from Shake Shack [Photograph: Shake Shack]

Shake Shack is continuing their cross-country expansion with several new locations in upscale shopping malls, mixed use retail and residential developments, and an airport, prompting some to speculate that the NYC-born burger chain may be priming for an IPO.

Two locations are set for summer openings. In July, Shake Shack will open in the Tysons Corner Center in Fairfax County, Virginia (the largest shopping mall in the state and in the Baltimore-Washington area according to its Wikipedia page).

A second Shake Shack location will also open this summer inside JFK airport in NYC, serving a full menu including burgers, frozen custard, and breakfast sandwiches. According to the terminal map, it will be located near gate B20 in Terminal 4, just 14 gates away from the first location, which opened last May.

In mid-2014, Shake Shack will open their fourth location in Florida in Winter Park, just outside of Orlando, and their first location in Georgia, in a luxury mixed-use development in Buckhead, Atlanta.

Shake Shack fries [Photograph: J. Kenji Lopez-Alt ]

Later this year, Shake Shack will move into the Chicago market, with a new restaurant located inside The Shops at North Bridge (across the street from Eataly). The chain will also open a new restaurant on the Las Vegas strip, near the Monte Carlo and New York-New York hotels.

Austinites will get their first taste of the Shack when the chain opens its first Lone Star State location at Lamar Union, a swanky residential/retail development on South Lamar Boulevard in late 2014. A second Shake Shack will open early next year in The Domain, a sprawling shopping and dining complex located in the high-tech corridor of northwest Austin.

Sadly, there's no word of any plans to expand into California...YET!

About the author: Erin Jackson is a food writer and photographer who is obsessed with discovering the best eats in San Diego. You can find all of her discoveries on her San Diego food blog EJeats.com. On Twitter, she's @ErinJax

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Frozen is officially the top-grossing animated film of all time, banking $1.072 billion in box offices ($398.4 million domestic and $674 million abroad). It overthrew Toy Story 3 and Lion King. Excuse me while I try to fathom what the hell 1.072 billion dollars actually means.

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From lost coin flips to misidentified foliage.

Monika Allen cofounded Glam Runner, which makes tutus for runners. When Self emailed and asked for photos of women running in the floofy skirts, she happily sent a photo of herself from the L.A. marathon. She didn't expect to appear on the magazine's "BS Meter" as the poster child for the terrible infiltration of tulle into running.

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It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: Caprock Academy

The incident: A girl shaved her head to support her friend with cancer. 

The appropriate response: Raising some money to donate to charity on her behalf or something.

The actual response: She was suspended from school.

Kamryn Renfro is a nine-year-old girl in Grand Junction, Colorado.

Her best friend, Delaney Clements, has for several years been battling neuroblastoma, a type of cancer that affects children. 

As a result of her cancer treatment, Delaney lost her hair—something that she's not too psyched about. "People would sometimes call me a boy even though I was all dressed in pink," she told CBS News.

Because Kamryn didn't want her friend to "feel left out," she decided to shave her head too. 

"She was like, really excited, and she was jumping up and down that I did it," Kamryn told USA Today.

But the staff of Caprock Academy, the school that Kamryn attends, was not quite as excited. When Kamryn arrived for classes on Monday, she was told that her haircut violated the school's dress code was and turned away from her classes.

That evening, Kamryn's mother, Jamie Renfro, emailed the school explaining why Kamryn had shaved her head. But, she says, a member of the school's staff responded by phone, telling her that Kamryn would not be allowed to return to school until her hair had grown back.

As is often the case with these kinds of stories in which zero-tolerance policies trump common sense, the school changed its mind once the story received national attention. In a special meeting on Tuesday, the school's board of directors voted 3–1 to allow Kamryn to return to classes. Local news coverage of the meeting didn't specify what the fuck was wrong with the one person who voted against Kamryn's return. 

Cry-Baby #2: Walnut Grove Elementary School 

The incident: A woman consoled her autistic child, who was having a panic attack in class.

The appropriate response: Nothing. 

The actual response: She was arrested for trespassing on school property. 

Last Thursday, Niakea Williams (pictured above) received a call from a teacher at Walnut Grove Elementary School in Ferguson, Missouri.

The teacher told her that Michael, her autistic son, who is a student at the school, was panicking in one of his classes.  

Niakea rushed to the school.

As the staff there know Niakea, she was buzzed into the reception area upon arrival. 

"I saw a teacher, and she said, 'Ms. Williams, what's wrong?' I said, 'Something is wrong with Mikey,' and proceeded to go straight to my son," Niakea told KMOV St. Louis. 

Niakea says that she then went to her son's classroom, where she found him having a panic attack. She immediately started to console him. 

The school's principal then allegedly entered and told Niakea that she'd violated the school's visitor policy by not signing in at reception. "I didn't sign the book, but I had to check on my son," said Niakea.

Niakea says that she told the principal to bring her the sign-in book, but was told that the school had already called the police. According to Niakea, the principal knows who she is. She claims they'd even had a meeting the day before the incident. 

Calverton Police sent four officers to respond to the call, which was processed as an "unauthorized entry to a school." The school was also put on lockdown for 12 minutes.

"They escorted me away from my son, who already had emotional distress. Four officers told me to turn around and put my hands behind my back," said Niakea. 

Niakea was taken to the police station on trespassing charges and released shortly after. Speaking of the incident, she said, "I feel like today I got arrested for being a concerned parent of my child."

Which one of these schools is the bigger cry-baby? Cast your vote in this poll down here:

Who is the bigger cry-baby?

Previously: A school who suspended a girl for stopping another student from self-harming vs. a school who banned a bullied child from bringing his My Little Pony lunch bag to school

Winner: The self-harm school!!!

Follow Jamie on Twitter.

The One Person Young Thug Follows on Instagram Tried to Fly Me to Dubai in Exchange for Sex

Actress Rachael Harris reveals to Conan who she thinks has the best butt in prime time television.

VERNON, CA—A Levi’s factory in southern California is facing a firestorm of criticism this week after an industrial worker’s cell phone video leaked on the internet revealing the plant’s brutal treatment of its denim cows.

Photo via Flickr User petersnoopy

According to some tenuous reports, Kim Jong-un issued a mandate two weeks ago that all university students in North Korea must get his haircut, reinforcing that uniquely North Korean brand of oh-fuck-that's-creepy.

Savvy marketers know that the best brands tell complete, consistent stories in which every consumer touchpoint connects to the bigger brand story arc. In the case of North Korea, we're talking about a nation-brand, so this is a brand that has two different demographics: those within the country and those outside of it. Inside North Korea, the consumer is engaged with content reminding him that the nation is powerful and loving. Outside of North Korea, the reputation is of a country full of brainwashed, malnourished, abused people controlled by a petulant, spiteful, ineffective, and frequently embarrassing leadership. Forcing all adult men to share the same haircut as their dictator is an effective way to reinforce that image to both demographics.

Among brand strategists, the Kim family are regarded as visionaries. They know how to control a narrative. North Korea is a special place. As the last example of a cult-of-personality utopia, such as the Soviet Union brand under Stalin or China under Mao, the Kim family leaders are worshiped not just as heroes but as gods. Those in the marketing industry would refer to this as a "controlled brand environment."

Statue of Kim Il-sung. Photo via Flickr User Roman Harek

This environment began with Kim Il-sung, who, after being installed by Soviet leadership at the close of the Korean War, consolidated his power with his core demographic by producing consistent content that stayed on-brand with the message, Your leader is supreme and heavenly, and he is a master of all trades, and he loves you. Some even came to believe that Kim Il-sung controlled the sun and the weather, which is a great example of an especially engaged active user base. At the same time, Kim Il-sung purged any brand detractors from within by force and then—and this part is brilliant marketing—blamed it on his competitors, the Americans. That's just masterful storytelling.

As a result of these efforts, this is a demo that is very engaged with the North Korea brand and the Kim family. The worshipful engagement remains extensive. In 2012, a 14-year-old girl drowned during her attempts to save a portrait of Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il from a flood at her school. The North Korean people's brand of fervent worship extended to Kim Il-sung's son, Kim Jong-Il, when he assumed power and then again now, after his passing, to his heir, Kim Jong-un. What we know about Kim Jong-un is only what we infer from his actions. We know that, like his father, he's obsessed with basketball. We know that he loves missiles with nuclear capabilities just as much as his father did. And now with the apparent haircut mandate, we know he has a knack for branding like his grandfather.

Photo via Flickr User Roman Harek

North Korean fashion-policing is nothing new. Under Kim Jong-il, in 2005 the state media ran a five-part television special called Let’s Trim Our Hair in Accordance with the Socialist Lifestyle (excellent title) that directed viewers to choose from one of a handful of conservative hairstyle options. The special was part of an overall campaign against Western fashion influence, particularly men with long hair, labeling them unhygienic anti-socialist fools and “blind followers of bourgeois lifestyle.”

Men are required to keep their hair no longer than two inches, although older men get a small exemption to allow for comb-overs.

Since science is something the Kim family can and will shape however they see fit, the special claimed that long hair harms “human intelligence development” because long hair takes oxygen away from nerves in the head. It didn’t explain why women were allowed to grow long hair, leaving the viewer to conclude on their own that women are simply less developed, obviously.

A separate but similarly themed special had a hidden-camera segment that caught violators of the rule, like a To Catch a Predator for haircut violations. The show even identified violators by name and address, exposing them to ridicule from peers, as a warning of what might happen if you didn’t fall in line.

Not everyone is on board with Kim Jong-un’s directive, however, making some North Korea brand loyalists into brand questioners. They say it looks dorky. They say the haircut looks like that of Chinese smugglers. Those consumers better think about getting their content to shut the fuck up if they like their personal brand being "not living in a prison labor camp."

Women, however, are still free to choose from any one of the 14 state-sanctioned haircuts.

Follow Grant Pardee on Twitter.

In a segment for Fuse's Billy on the Street, host Billy Eichner and Lindsay Lohan use sledgehammers to destroy a car that's decorated with large stickers of the cast of How I Met Your Mother. As she smashes Alyson Hannigan's and Jason Segel's faces in, Lindsay screams her frustrations with the Hollywood system while also listing one particular gem in her resume—working with Lily Tomlin.

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Peeps season is upon us. And, if you happen to run on Dunkin’, a cute little Peep could be staring back at you while you ingest your morning coffee and donuts.

Dunkin’ Donuts will release two varieties of Peeps Donuts, just in time for Easter. One with a standard-issue yellow Peep, pink frosting, and green stripes — the other with a pink peep, green icing, and pink stripes.

Even though they were given an official release date of March 31st, the Peep-laden donuts have already been spotted on DD shelves. And, it looks as much like a psychedelic chicken coop as you’d expect.

So Dunkin Donuts is now selling Peeps donuts… pic.twitter.com/fCaZE1woA1

— Jordan Cohen (@jorcohen) March 25, 2014

[via Buzzfeed and Gleen]

Papa John’s has found a way to make their double pepperoni pizza even more fabulous, or maybe just “less healthy.” They’re taking the double pepperoni pizza that they already sell and adding a layer of hickory-smoked bacon on top of the layers of regular pizza pepperoni and oversized deli pepperoni.

This festival of meats will set you back $12, but is only a limited-time item.

In other bacon news, you can now get bacon on a stick while you watch the Texas Rangers play.

News: Papa John’s – New Double Pepperoni Bacon Pizza [Brand Eating]

This fine marksman here is Mr. Will Brooke, a serious businessman who’s challenging incumbent Spencer Bachus in the GOP primary for Alabama’s sixth congressional district. And he just wants you to know that he dislikes this terrible Obamacare law so much that he will kill it dead with live ammo, in an exciting homage to that 2011 ad where Joe Manchin shot a cap-and-trade bill he did not like. The Onion was wrong: in the future, all political discourse will not be pictures of Calvin peeing on things. It will be people shooting pieces of paper.

You learn a lot about Mr. Brooke from this ad. “We’re down here to have a little fun today and talk about two serious subjects: the Second Amendment, and see how much damage we can do to this copy of Obamacare,” he says, and then he treats us to a pretty nifty woodworking tutorial on building a wooden frame to hold the “thousands of pages” of the Affordable Care Act, which by the way did you know that most of the people who passed it never even read it? We’d have preferred to see more of the carpentry, because Mr. Brooke seems pretty handy.

A lot of the ad is almost a remake of the Manchin ad, only with a wider variety of guns — the Daily Caller dutifully informs us he shoots the stack of paper with “a .40 Glock pistol, a .270 Cooper rifle and an AR-15,” all in beautiful slow motion. This proves that the Second Amendment enshrines an individual right of firearms ownership, free from background checks, magazine size limits, or other burdensome infringements.

When he’s unable to do more than just poke some holes in the law — which, admittedly, is more than House Republicans have managed in over 50 votes — Brooke says “Looks like we’ll have to resort to more extreme measures to get rid of Obamacare and replace it with a market based solution.” (We will just leave that there for all you happy communists who are so thrilled to not have a socialist, non-market-based healthcare system in place.) And then he feeds the pile of paper into a wood chipper, which proves another important political fact: Sheets of paper fed into a wood chipper appear to come out the other end as sheets of (strangely blank) paper, not as shredded fluff. Maybe Brooke should shoot those scraps, too, just to be sure. And then burn them, and jump up and down on the ashes, and salt the earth. Otherwise, how can we know that he really dislikes Obamacare?

We were kind of hoping the ad would end with Brooke driving away from the pile of semi-shredded paper, saying “And to hell with the EPA, too.”

[Daily Caller via TPM]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He can’t wait for ads with people shooting pictures of Calvin peeing on things.

Steakhouses are one category of restaurants that are experiencing a boom right now. That’s great news if you like classic meat, potato, and booze meals, but there are some secrets that come along with that boom that no one is necessarily telling their customers.

Marketwatch compiled a list of “10 things steakhouses won’t tell you,” which you can read here in detail and in slideshow form. Here are the basics, though.

1. All this delicious steak is in short supply. Premium steakhouses are one area of the restaurant industry that’s growing, which means that there might not be enough premium beef to go around, leading to higher prices or actual shortages.

2. You’re going to pay more soon. Those rising beef prices mean that prices will go up at the fanciest steakhouses in order to keep profits going. Even if they keep entrée prices low, they might charge more for other items on the menu, like sides or drinks. They could also shrink the steaks a bit to preserve margins.

3. You might have to do your homework. Not all “Angus” beef is created equal, but you wouldn’t know that to look at many steakhouse menus. Are you eating premium Certified Angus Beef or something else? You might have to ask before ordering.

4. At busy times, it might not matter what grade beef you’re really getting: a busy restaurant means more steaks on the broiler, unpredictable temperatures, and a chance you won’t get the tasty sear that people visit premium steakhouses for.

5. Lots of menu options look good, but might not taste good. Sure, it might help get companions who don’t like beef in the door, but a steakhouse probably won’t do pasta or seafood very well.

6. On a date? You aren’t their priority. Steakhouses cater to corporate expense accounts, since executives out to impress run up higher tabs and generally tip more generously. Mere civilians might not get the same attention if servers have to choose.

7. Mmm, steak and red wine go well together. But you’re going to find fewer affordable choices on a steakhouse wine list than at other establishments. Why? Because they can.

8. Steakhouses aren’t known for their pastry chefs. While outsourcing dessert isn’t necessarily a bad thing, keep this in mind–the slice of cake you get might be from the same supplier as other local restaurants. That isn’t bad, but it isn’t special, either.

9. Steakhouses aren’t for dieters. Well, they can be if you’re on a diet based on large slabs of meat, but generally the sides and appetizers aren’t low-calorie. Some places make a point to flag lower-calorie options, though.

10. More steakhouses doesn’t mean they’re necessarily improving. Big, famous names like Morton’s and Ruth’s Chris have been accused of coasting on their former reputations and serving up crappy experiences.

10 things steakhouses won’t tell you [Marketwatch]

From Chicago

VIEW SLIDESHOW: Staff Picks: What's the Best Burger in Chicago?

[Photograph: Nick Kindelsperger]

What's the best burger in Chicago? I don't know about you, but I've been thinking about this answer for a long time, but instead of gaining some kind of clarity and insight over the years, I'm actually more confused than ever. All I do know is that there's never been a better time for burgers in Chicago. Sure, there are an insane number of options, but there are also plenty of different styles, so no matter whether you like your burgers enormous and grilled or thin and griddled, there is an all-beef patty out there for you.

How do I know this? I asked our staff for their favorite picks, fully expecting one or two places to run away with the thing. And while a few spots popped up a lot (Edzo's led the pack), I was shocked by the wide range. Obviously, I don't think this is the complete list of incredible burgers in the city, but it's a hell of a start. And if you have a pick that didn't make the list, definitely let us know.

Check out all of best burgers in the slideshow, or read on to see the individual picks.

• Double Cheeseburger at Edzo's
• Char Burger at Edzo's in Evanston
• Double Cheeseburger at Redhot Ranch
• Burger at Top Notch Beefburger
• Slagel Farm Beef Burger at Owen & Engine
• Bad Apple Burger at Bad Apple
• Single Cheeseburger at Au Cheval
• The Nightwood Cheeseburger at Nightwood
• Burger at Mindy's Hot Chocolate
• Sliders with Cheese at State Fair

Get the perfect giant ice spheres every time, with the Frozen Peas Ice Mold. Just fill up the giant pod, stick it in the freezer, and you’ll have frozen peas cooling your drink in no time. The best part… Ice spheres melt 80% slower than old-fashioned ice cubes. And, your current ice trays probably aren’t giant […]

Want to have your youthful indiscretions recorded for posterity? Then Head to McFadden's this Saturday where producers of MTV's "The Real World" will be casting for the upcoming season. [ more › ]

Turns out Jon Stewart was right on the money about Chicago-style deep-dish "pizza."

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Sure, love is a battlefield, but makeup isn't supposed to look like war paint. Still, women are drawing stripes all over their faces and taking liberties with bronzer in an attempt to create some kind of illusion—but they simply can't escape the cold hard reality that they look like fucking idiots.

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BURBANK, CA - MARCH 22: Actress Christina Hendricks attends the premiere of DisneyToon Studios' 'The Pirate Fairy' at Walt Disney Studios on March 22, 2014 in Burbank, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

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Not many designers deign to create garments in plus sizes, but for spring, award-winning designer Isabel Toledo has teamed up plus-size clothing retailer Lane Bryant for a really pretty capsule collection.

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It's an old saying in the restaurant industry that the entire purpose of the Health Department is to accomplish nothing productive other than making people who work in the industry miserable.

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