IKEA MonkeyIs it just me or does Taylor Swift continue to just get... longer? Like, this isn't even her final form. Soon she will be 8 feet fall.
Swifty’s new album was out yesterday — I am sure you heard — and I wonder if that means her Parade of Cute Walking Around Clothes is about to draw to a close, as surely she is exhausted and wants to go sit on a deckchair by a pool for six weeks, drinking Diet Cokes Read More ...IKEA MonkeyThis place is good. Not sure how long of a line good, but good
IKEA Monkeyyes please
[Photograph: Nick Kindelsperger]
El Habanero opened quietly in Logan Square a few weeks ago. In fact, until last week, the taqueria didn't even have an official sign, making do with a sidewalk chalkboard and a few handwritten posters taped to its windows. With so many taquerias in the area, I didn't initially give it much thought, but I became intrigued by one of those signs, which along with the usual assortment of tacos and burritos, mentioned the pambazo, a Mexican sandwich that is surprisingly hard to find around town.
It's easy to see how the pambazo stands apart from other Mexican sandwiches, like the torta or the cemita. The bread is dunked in a chile salsa, casting the whole thing red. After the bath, the bread is then griddled—a key step—which crisps up the exterior, and prevents it from collapsing mid-bite. This also sets it apart from the torta ahogada, a messier and, usually, far spicier creation. Though El Habanero's pambazo looks overwhelmingly spicy, the salsa is actually smokier and more complex than fiercely hot, which allows you to appreciate the juicy hunks of carne asada. Sure, it's messy, and there is essentially no way your fingers and half your face won't be dyed red by the end, but it's all worth it for one of the best examples of the sandwich in the city.
IKEA MonkeyCan't wait for this popsicle stick to run
IKEA MonkeyNice try, Lao Sze
IKEA MonkeyCorey
A man from Chicago's South Side was charged with allegedly stealing a semi-truck and critically injuring a bicyclist in a hit-and-run accident earlier in October. [ more › ]
IKEA Monkeysomeone has a lot of time on their hands
Auggghhhh, Halloween is only a week away, but these dogs have started early and I literally cannot even. I am like 257% done right now because Maymo and Penny's costumes (and pained and patient expressions) are the cutest thing I've seen all week. I feel faint, does anyone have an inha — ::Thud::
IKEA MonkeyI have Jonathan Brandis' autograph. I got it while he was filming SeaQuest DSV.
Welcome back to AVQ&A, where we throw out a question for discussion among the staff and readers. Consider this a prompt to compare notes on your interface with pop culture, to reveal your embarrassing tastes and experiences, and to ponder how our diverse lives all led us to convene here together. Got a question you’d like us and the readers to answer? Email us at avcqa@theonion.com.
This week’s question comes from Josh Modell and is also part of our 11 Questions feature: Do you have anybody’s autograph?
I have but one, and it’s probably deep in a shoe box at my parents’ house. When I was 12, part of JFK was filmed on my street in Dallas. We lived in the “old” part of Dallas, which means our entire street was built in the mid-’40s, and many of the ...
IKEA MonkeyI think its weird that Jezebel - supposed bastion of Feminism(TM) assumes that the letter writer is a woman. Nowhere in the Dear PRudence letter/article does the writer ever identify him/herself as a woman or man. They just assumed that someone being a total shithead = woman. Oh, you!
Dear Prudence is often a cesspool of awful people needing awful advice for their awful problems. And then Prudence sometimes gives awful advice. This week, the advice is good, but the question? So awful you may want to take your laptop and throw it against the nearest wall. (I know I did, but Applecare doesn't cover that and I can't afford another mid-range notebook computer.)
IKEA MonkeyCute
I never imagined a man with a deep bass voice singing Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass." But a song called "All About That Bass" should legally have a bass version. Here to right that wrong are the three vocalists in the video above: Bass singer Avi Kaplan and backup vocalists Mario Jose and Naomi Samilton.
Earlier today, with zero fanfare from an energy drink company, 57-year-old Alan Eustace broke Felix Baumgartner's 2-year-old record for the highest free-fall parachute jump.
Mr. Eustace's maximum altitude was initially reported as 135,908 feet. Based on information from two data loggers, the final number being submitted to the World Air Sports Federation is 135,890 feet.
The previous altitude record was set by Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from 128,100 feet on Oct. 14, 2012.
Mr. Eustace was carried aloft without the aid of the sophisticated capsule used by Mr. Baumgartner or millions of dollars in sponsorship money. Instead, Mr. Eustace planned his jump in secrecy, working for almost three years with a small group of technologists skilled in spacesuit design, life-support systems, and parachute and balloon technology.
He carried modest GoPro cameras aloft, connected to his ground-control center by an off-the-shelf radio.
Flash? Meet substance.
Tags: Alan Eustace Felix Baumgartner videoIKEA MonkeyThis makes me very anxious
Marina City residents have been asked to not do anything stupid when Nik Wallenda walks a tightrope from there to the Leo Burnett Building next weekend. [ more › ]
IKEA MonkeyI can't read John Cena without thinking of this prank call https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRRsXxE1KVY
WWE
“Enjoy your match with Seth Whatshisname, Jack!”
In lieu of the World Champion Brock Lesnar showing up at the next pay-per-view, WWE has been doing this weird, credulity-straining storyline in which Dean Ambrose and John Cena both need to get their hands on Seth Rollins so urgently that they’ve repeatedly come to blows over it. It came to a head on this past Monday’s Raw when Ambrose won a no-DQ contract-on-a-pole match, earning the right to face Rollins at Hell in a Cell.
Apparently Ambrose also earned the right to be shunted to the mid-card.
See, even since this idiotic epic was hatched the idea has been that the loser of Ambrose/Cena would get Orton, but I guess WWE realized halfway through the storyline that Orton being the booby prize in this scenario would make him look like, well, a bit of a boob. Also, Ambrose winning means, logically, they’d have to put Ambrose/Rollins last.
Haha, well f*ck logic. Even though Rollins is all anyone’s been able to talk about for a month, even though Cena “earned” his match by being beat, Cena/Orton is going to main event Hell in a Cell according to PWI. The desire to protect Orton and Cena is the reason the Cena/Ambrose match was given away for free on Raw — WWE needs time to build it up as the show’s real main attraction.
So yeah, wow. Not only does this make zero sense, not only is it a profoundly counterproductive thing to do to two of your most promising new talents, but Jesus — Randy Orton and John Cena? Again? The crowd is going to tear that apart and shit it out. Hopefully WWE changes their mind, because otherwise, this is going to get ugly.
via Wrestling Inc. here & here
In 2017, the Atlanta Braves will move to a shiny new stadium just outside of Atlanta in Cobb County. At that point, their old stadium will be 21 years old. By contrast, the Chicago Cubs just wrapped up their 100th year playing at Wrigley Field. But while the stadium — which is one of only seven remaining big league ballparks that were built before 1990 — is iconic for its ivy and its capacity to withstand the weight of the angst that all Cubs fans carry into each home game, history alone cannot field a competitive team and so a sizable renovation has begun.
When the “1060 Project” is done, it will have taken four years and cost $575 million. The end result will be a modernized ballpark that will never host a World Series game because something happened with a Billy Goat once. To bring the new into existence, though, the old must come down and that’s exactly what we’re seeing in the above video as construction crews work to demolish the outfield bleachers which will be replaced by new seats and a concourse that is as vast as the space between Leon Durham’s feet.
In short, it’s gonna be a great place to spend a day off.
Paramount Pictures
Source: YouTube, The Chicago Tribune
IKEA MonkeyAfter spending an awesome evening in a very constructed dress and heels (and Corey in a very nice suit and dress shoes that looked better than they felt) dancing, smiling, taking pictures, eating, and drinking until midnight the only thing we wanted to do in our honeymoon suite was pass out like the people in this drawing. Weddings are exhausting.
Wedding night sex is officially as passé as using Febreze or talking on the phone. Rather than get it on, newlyweds are wont to do any number of things post-nuptch that do not involve consummating the marriage. Consider this historical trajectory though: Medieval couples had to do it. Modern couples simply ain't care.
IKEA MonkeyI don't believe this at ALL. Last year's farmer's almanac said we'd have a mild winter and oh they were so very wrong.
IKEA Monkey"the finely honed psychiatric skills of a walking foreskin" - Wonkette has the best insults
Worst Psychiatrist Ever Dr. Keith Ablow of the Fox Network’s “Medical A-Team” — they were accused of medical expertise they didn’t have, we guess — explained Tuesday why Barack Negro Blackity-Blackfella Obama is allowing Ebola to run rampant in the United States, if by “rampant” you mean one patient who’s died and two nurses infected because their hospital was to containment what Fox is to reporting. Can you guess why Obama is letting — nay, inviting — the Ebola virus right into our homes? Could it possibly be because he is Not Truly American? Why, yes, yes it could!
On Fox News radio’s The John Gibson Show, Ablow revealed, using all the finely honed psychiatric skills of a walking foreskin who purports to be able to diagnose people he’s seen on television, that he had peered “deep inside the president’s psyche” and discovered the true reason that Barack Obama hasn’t instituted a ban on travel from African countries with Ebola outbreaks. It’s not because public health experts have advised the president that travel bans don’t work. There’s nothing psychological about that, for heaven’s sake! No, the real reason is that Barack Obama is offended by the very notion of borders, and sees himself as a “citizen and leader of the world,” primarily not as an American. Indeed, said Ablow, Obama doesn’t much like the nation that elected him twice. “He has it in for us, as disappointing people, people who have been a scourge on the face of the earth.”
You remember that big “Americans are colonialist nasties and we hates them. Hates them!” speech Obama gave at the United Nations, right? Keith Ablow is very sure he heard Barack Obama say that. So obviously, he’s not going to seal the borders like any good patriot would. Ablow happens to know that Obama doesn’t want to protect Americans, because after all, America has “visited a plague of colonialism” on the world, and so it’s only fair that we open ourselves to dread disease. Ablow knows this because of psychology: Michelle wasn’t proud of America, and Obama went on an apology tour, so this all just makes sense. “How can you protect a country you don’t like? Why would you?”
Besides, said Ablow there’s a very fundamental reason that Barack Obama won’t ban travel from Africa:
“His affinity, his affiliations are with them! Not us! That’s what people seem unwilling to accept. He’s their leader. We don’t have a president.”
“We don’t have a president?” Gibson asked.
“We don’t have a president who has the American people as his primary interest, who believes the country has Manifest Destiny and has been a force for good,” Ablow insisted.
Ablow also had little hope that Obama could ever be persuaded to like America enough to protect it, because that’s just how sick a human being that man is. He also explained how Obama became president because after the trauma of 9/11, the American People got a bad case of “national Stockholm Syndrome” and started identifying with the terrorists who attacked America, so we elected Barack Obama, someone they thought terrorists would like, to say to the terrorists,
“Look at this guy. We’re gonna elect this guy president. Why would you attack us? We’re not even voting for someone who likes us! This guy, who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, Obama. And Hussein, Hussein. Surely you won’t attack us now, because we’ve got a shield here, of a guy who, as the leader of our country, says we’re bad, so leave us alone.”
Keith Ablow is some kind of genius! We remember thinking EXACTLY THAT when we voted for Barack Obama.
Or maybe there’s another explanation for Ablow’s comments. If we may do a bit of informed analysis of Dr. Ablow, based on having seen him on Fox quite a few times, we can understand his tortured psyche: Trapped among a group of sociopaths at Fox News, Keith Ablow finds himself compelled to say more and more ridiculous things about Barack Obama in the hope that someone in the medical field will see just how completely unhinged he has become and will rescue him. This may not actually be rightwing “news analysis;” it may in fact be a cry for help from a deeply tormented soul who cannot find a way to live with himself and the mockery he has made of his profession.
Or he could just be a racist asshole. That’s a pretty good bet, too.
[Media Matters via RawStory]
IKEA Monkeyit has been a very, very long time since my cab driver knew where Logan Square was.
Bouncing beltless in the backseat you’re zooming down dark streets, slick roads, and slippery lanes. Doesn’t matter if you’re cabbing back from cards, hitting the downtown bars hard, or flying home for a quick recharge. Nope, the only thing that matters is if your cabbie knows the secret sidestreet shortcuts that shave a couple minutes off your ride.
Yes, today we salute all the Cab Drivers of the World who swerve and curve down one-way streets, hidden on-ramps, and tight alleys like champions.
Thanks for making us feel like we’re in an action movie.
Thanks for making us feel
AWESOME!
IKEA MonkeyEnjoy your bucket of failure in a sadness bowl
Would you like to make a full-blown Thanksgiving dinner, but are short on table space? Well, if you also have relatives with low standards, you can get by this year with Thanksgiving In A Bucket.
Brought to us by Buzzfeed, the bucket o’ thanks contains all of the Turkey Day staples. And, because this is your dinner and your bucket, you can layer the foodstuffs in any order you’d like.
The only trick will be to get some semblance of a segmented dinner on the plate. Good luck.
[link]
IKEA MonkeyThis was fantastic. The toast at the end made me laugh out loud.
In an attempt to introduce small children to the joys of eating eel ("no, it's a snake) and "orange stuff," New York City restaurant Daniel invited a whole group of them to nosh on fish eggs and "little forests" of arugula that would normally cost $220. Their reactions, unsurprisingly, are priceless.
IKEA MonkeyThat's contagious!
IKEA MonkeyWoman with opinion about video games = mass shooting threats, bomb threats, violence threats, etc. This whole thing boggles my mind. I cannot wrap my head around being so angry about opinions about *video games* that you feel compelled to threaten to kill a person. Fucking christ.
Video game critic, blogger, and founder of Feminist Frequency Anita Sarkeesian was supposed to give a speech about the role of women in video games Utah State University today. However, Sarkeesian, one of the prominent targets of #Gamergate , chose to cancel the event after the school received a threat of a mass shooting if she gave her talk.
IKEA MonkeyIf Catholics are truly faithful they'd go with what the Pope says, him being infallible and all.
IKEA MonkeyI use my garlic press and my OXO Good Grips Flip n' Fold omelet turner on the DAILY
Flipped through the William Sonoma catalog lately? It's basically a glossy, overproduced database of hilariously specific kitchen gadgets. Pans just for frittatas, garlic presses out the wazoo, ice-cream makers, this fucking handheld strawberry slicer. Then again, one person's dust-covered mistake is another's prized possession.
IKEA MonkeyLittle known secret: literally every woman who has been proposed to has made this chicken right before she got engaged. LITERALLY.
We're just six weeks short of Thanksgiving, which means two things: First, if your Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year plans involve air travel, book your ticket now or suffer the financial consequences. Secondly, if you're looking to get hitched over the holidays and believe in magic, it might be time to bust out the Engagement Chicken.
IKEA Monkeywhat the hell is this photoshoot even supposed to be
Nicole: Bluse von COS; Valerie: Parka von Christian Wijnants; Steffi: Cardigan von Sacks, T-Shirt von American Vintage
PHOTOS BY KURT PRINZ
STYLING: PIGEON DISCO
Makeup: Anita Obi
Models: Ben, Billie, Boris, Dalia, Florian, Gisa, Joli, Maria, Mira, Natascha, Nicole, Nora, Ron, Stefan, Steffi, Valerie, Vincent, Walter
Ben: Vintage-Overall, Schuhe von Adidas; Steffi: T-Shirt von American Vintage, Cardigan von Sacks, Hose von Base Range, Schuhe von Reebok; Vincent: Vintage-Overall, Schuhe von Wood Wood; Valerie: Vintage-T-Shirt, Parka von Christian Wijnant, Rock von Fabrics Interseason, Schuhe von Converse; Nicole: Vintage-T-Shirt, Bluse von COS, Hose von Mango, Vintage-Schuhe
Valerie: Vintage-T-Shirt, Parka von Christian Wijnant, Rock von Fabrics Interseason, Schuhe von Converse; Gisa: T-Shirt von American Vintage, Vintage-Latzhose, Schuhe von Nike; Steffi: T-Shirt von American Vintage, Hoodie von American Apparel, Hose von COS, Schuhe von Reebok; Nicole: Vintage-T-Shirt, Bluse von COS, Hose von Mango, Vintage-Schuhe; Dalia: T-Shirt und Hose von American Apparel, Schuhe von Reebok
Steffi: T-Shirt von American Vintage, Cardigan von Sacks, Hose von Base Range, Schuhe von Reebok; Valerie: Vintage-T-Shirt, Parka von Christian Wijnant, Rock von Fabrics Interseason; Nicole: Vintage-T-Shirt, Bluse von COS, Hose von Mango
Mira: Parka von Monki; Nora: Kleid von Wood Wood, Hoodie von American Apparel; Ron: Longsleeve von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Hemd von COS, Vintage-Hose; Joli: Bluse von Femme Maison, Rock von New Page; Boris: Shirt von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Longsleeve von Indigo Fera, Gilet von Pike Brothers, Shorts von H&M
Natascha: Vintage-T-Shirt, Latzhose von Mango, Vintage-Tuch; Nora: Kleid von Wood Wood, Hoodie von American Apparel; Ron: Hemd von COS, Vintage-Tasche
Dalia: Bluse von COS, Shorts von Nike; Steffi: Shirt von Nanushka, Vintage-Longsleeve, Hose von Base Range
Valerie: Vintage-T-Shirt, Parka von Christian Wijnant, Rock von Fabrics Interseason
Mira: Parka von Monki, Schuhe von Vans; Joli: Bluse von Femme Maison, Rock von New Page, Schuhe von Top Shop; Natascha: Vintage-T-Shirt, Latzhose von Mango, Vintage-Tuch, Schuhe von Vans; Nora: Kleid von Wood Wood, Hoodie von American Apparel, Schuhe von Nike; Boris: Boris: Shirt von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Longsleeve von Indigo Fera, Gilet von Pike Brothers, Shorts von H&M, lange Unterhose von Schiesser; Ron: Longsleeve von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Hemd von COS, Vintage-Hose, Vintage-Tasche
Valerie: Bluse von Diptych, Jacke von Femme Maison; Gisa: Bluse von Femme Maison, Haube von Post
Vincent: Longsleeve von Kostas Murkudis, Baseballshirt von American Apparel, Hose von Diptych; Stefan: T-Shirt von American Apparel, Regenjacke von Stutterheim, Hose von American Apparel
Natascha: Vintage-T-Shirt, Latzhose von Mango, Vintage-Tuch; Boris: Shirt von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Longsleeve von Indigo Fera, Gilet von Pike Brothers, Shorts von H&M; Ron: Longsleeve von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Hemd von COS, Vintage-Hose, Vintage-Tasche; Mira: Kleid von Lous Basic, Parka von Monki; Joli: Bluse von Femme Maison, Rock von New Page
Natascha: Vintage-T-Shirt, Latzhose von Mango, Vintage-Tuch; Nora: Kleid von Wood Wood, Hoodie von American Apparel; Ron: Longsleeve von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Hemd von COS, Vintage-Hose, Vintage-Tasche; Mira: Kleid von Lous Basic, Parka von Monki; Walter: Vintage-Overall; Billie: Kleid von Cult; Maria: Sweater von Diptych, Hose von COS; Joli: Bluse von Femme Maison, Rock von New Page; Boris: Shirt von Schiesser by Kostas Murkudis, Longsleeve von Indigo Fera, Gilet von Pike Brothers, Shorts von H&M; Florian: Vintage-Overall
Natascha: Vintage-T-Shirt, Latzhose von Mango, Vintage-Tuch, Schuhe von Vans; Joli: Bluse von Femme Maison, Rock von New Page, Schuhe von Top Shop
Valerie: Bluse von Diptych, Jacke von Femme Maison; Gisa: Bluse von Femme Maison, Haube von Post
IKEA Monkeyoh no she di'int
Last month, Martha Stewart took an open crack at Gwyneth Paltrow which apparently was the opening salvo in a turf war because bitch just went to the mattresses, and holy shit, is it a good thing. From a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” (above) in the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living:
Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.
And that was Gwyneth Paltrow’s detached spine dangling in Martha Stewart’s hands before becoming a beautiful centerpiece that complements your Christmas ham.
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
IKEA Monkeyglobal warming isn't real though right? total hoax?
IKEA Monkeyhaha wat
As seen on Sears.com before it was pulled.
After a third-party listing for a men’s “Thai silver Swastika ring” popped up on Sears’ online Marketplace, the company has pulled the “punk rock style” jewelry and has been busy apologizing to upset customers for selling it in the first place.
The ring also appeared on Amazon.com briefly but is no longer available, Haaretz reported.
“This gothic jewelry item in particular features a Swastika ring that’s made of .925 Thai silver,” the item description read. “Not for Neo Nazi or any Nazi implication. These jewelry items are going to make you look beautiful at your next dinner date.”
In response to customers outraged over the Nazi jewelry, Sears tweeted individual responses to apologize and assure people that it didn’t mean to sell swastika fashions.
“We certainly understand the upset and regret this occurred. The vendor is being reviewed and the item removed,” Sears said in one, via the Washington Times.
“This item is a 3rd party Sears Marketplace product that does not abide with our guidelines and is being removed,” the company tweeted in another response.
A spokesman said in statement that the rings were listed by independent third parties on the Sears Marketplace site in violation of their guidelines.
“We are contacting the sellers to strongly voice our concern over their lack of judgment,” a spokesman said.
This isn’t the first time Sears and Amazon tangled with customers over offensive items — there was this concentration camp sign for sale that had online retailers scrambling to apologize. And in other concentration camp merchandise, Zara recently apologized to customers for a shirt that some thought resembled a concentration camp uniform similar to those warn by prisoners during the Holocaust.
Here’s a great rule to live by: If it’s related to Nazis and the attempted extermination of an entire group of people, stay as far away as possible. Always.
Sears removes swastika ring for sale from website [Haaretz]
Sears apologizes, removes swastika ring from Marketplace website [Washington Times]
Warrants were served for Lao Sze Chuan and Lao Shanghai around 10 a.m. [ 
