IKEA Monkey

Floyd Mayweather makes a lot of money, which seems to be a good thing for him because he also spends a lot of money. From this TMZ report, the boxer – who is currently preparing for a fight you may have heard about against Manny Pacquiao – has a personal chef and pays up to $1,000 per meal.

Via TMZ:

“My daily schedule for Floyd is ‘There is no schedule’ … I am here for him anytime. 24 hours, 7 days a week. If he needs me at 3am, I am there cooking up breakfast.”

[…]

He likes everything fresh. Nothing from bottles or cans because they have different preservatives that are not healthy for your body.”

Mayweather says in the TMZ clip he wouldn’t change his chef from Chef Q to “no chef in the world” and that “this chef is with me until the day I die.”

Chef Q is super active on Instagram, and often posts a bunch of the meals she whips up for the fighter, as well as this fun nugget:

If my math serves me correctly, $1,000 per meal times three meals a day times 365 days in a year and, well, sheesh, I’m in the wrong industry, now aren’t I?

For those of you who wish you could workout in peace without being interrupted by an, "Excuse me: has anyone ever told you (fill in the blank)" by a well-intentioned but clueless man who just ruined your workout and/or day, rejoice, for a seminal, satirical guide on how to chat to women at the gym awaits, written by a guy who both goes to the gym and also writes for a living.

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I am a total sucker for great wave photography. Like these photos from Ray Collins.

Prints are available of Collins' photos and many of them have been collected into a coffee table book called Found at Sea. (via @naveen)

Tags: photography   Ray Collins

Getting a national political Republican campaign up and running is hard, guys. Just ask Sen. Rafael Edward Cruz, who’s declaring his candidacy today. There are just tons of little details you need to anticipate, like filing all the paperwork for an exploratory committee, setting up a PAC, asking Sheldon Adelson’s handlers if he prefers that you spit or swallow, and of course buying the website URL that consists of your own name plus “dot com.”

Read more on Oh No Ted Cruz Forgot Something…

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz's path to the Republican nomination is blocked by the very thing that made him famous: the 2013 government shutdown he helped cause.

It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: Clarence Sturdivant

[body_image width='1000' height='668' path='images/content-images/2015/03/19/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/03/19/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-318-body-image-1426809421.jpg' id='38055']

Screencap via Google Maps

The incident: A guy brought his friend the wrong brand of beer.

The appropriate response: Saying nothing and drinking it, or going and fetching yourself a new beer, depending on how much you dislike the brand.

The actual response: He allegedly shot the friend.

Last Saturday 64-year-old Clarence Sturdivant was hanging out with his 66-year-old neighbor, Walter Merrick, in the parking lot of their apartment complex in Harvey, Louisiana.

According to police, Clarence asked Walter to get him a beer, which Walter did, going to his apartment and fetching him a can of Busch.

Clarence was reportedly not too happy with this choice of beer, and told Walter that he wanted Budweiser—his preferred brand.

This disagreement turned into an argument, during which, police say, Clarence took out a shotgun and shot his friend before fleeing the scene.

Walter was struck by shotgun pellets in the arm and chest. His injuries are not life-threatening.

Police tracked Clarence down a short while after and arrested him. He denied Walter's version of events, claiming that, though they had argued over beer, he fired in self-defense after having a gun pulled on him first.

According to a report on Nola.com, despite no weapon being found on him, Walter was issued a citation for aggravated assault. There's no word on whether the men still consider themselves friends.

Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed Ohio woman

[body_image width='909' height='612' path='images/content-images/2015/03/20/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/03/20/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-318-body-image-1426868706.jpg' id='38358']

Screencaps via Google Maps and ABC 22

The incident: Someone left a note on the windshield of a non-handicapped woman who was parked in a handicapped parking space.

The appropriate response: Not parking in the handicapped parking space if you don't need to.

The actual response: The owner of the car left a vicious note, calling the amputee a "cry baby one leg."

Twenty-six-year-old Ashley Brady of Miamisburg, Ohio, lost her right leg after an accident last year. She's learned to walk again with the use of a prosthetic, but she has trouble walking across the parking lot of her apartment complex due to snow and ice. "I fell multiple times all of which my neighbors have seen," she told ABC 22.

Because of this, Ashley's landlord created a handicapped parking space near the complex's entrance for her exclusive use.

"I finally get my handicapped parking spot last Thursday," Ashley said, "and then I come home on Saturday and they're parking in my parking spot."

After checking the car that was in her spot and seeing that it didn't have a handicapped tags, Ashley left a note for the owner. "I was stern and confident in what I was saying and just letting her know she doesn't know what its like to walk around without your own leg," said Ashley.

The next day, Ashley found a note on her car. It read:

Hey Handicap!, 1st never place your hands on my car again! 2nd honey you aint the only one with 'struggles' you want pity go to a one leg support group! You messed with the wrong one! I don't care what your note said shove it, but you touch my car again I will file a report, I am not playing! I let the office know the cry baby one leg touches my property I will cause trouble so go cry your struggles to someone who cares cause Im walking away with both mine!!!!!! -Bitch-

After finding the note, Ashley filed a report with the local police, and informed the manager of the apartment complex. "My brain just couldn't even process the level of mean that it was," she said.

The apartment complex says they have not yet decided what action to take against the tenant who left the note.

Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:

Previously: A guy who sent a garbage man to jail for starting his shift early vs. a group of people who attacked the staff of a Chuck E. Cheese's over a broken photo booth

Winner: The garbage man guys!!!

Follow Jamie Lee Curtis Taete on Twitter.

Today's map was created by mental_floss designer, Chloe Effron. Last year, the Brewers Association released a list of the top 50 craft brewing companies by beer sales volume. [PDF] With craft breweries cropping up across the country, more and more states are getting their own breweries. Using the BA's list as a jumping off point, mental_floss decided to dig around to create a full map of each state's biggest craft brewery. We decided to stick by the association's craft brewer guidelines, so we only included breweries that were small, traditional, and independent— that is why you won't see breweries like Goose Island or Red Hook on the map. The list was then compiled using data from ABC departments, breweries, and miscellaneous sources. It's also important to note that breweries like Boston Brewing and Gambrinus were changed to Samuel Adams and Shiner for sake of clarity. 

Here's the complete list:

Alabama: Good People Brewing
Alaska: Alaskan Brewing
Arizona: Four Peaks
Arkansas: Core Brewing Company
California: Sierra Nevada
Colorado: New Belgium
Connecticut: Two Roads
Delaware: Dogfish Head
Florida: Florida Beer Company
Georgia: Sweetwater
Hawaii: Maui Brewing
Idaho: Grand Teton
Illinois: Revolution
Indiana: 3 Floyds
Iowa: Backpocket Brewing
Kansas: Tallgrass Beer
Kentucky: Lexington Brewing
Louisiana: Abita
Maine: Shipyard
Maryland: Flying Dog
Massachusetts: Samuel Adams
Michigan: Bell's
Minnesota:  Summit
Mississippi:  Lazy Magnolia
Missouri:  Boulevard Brewery
Montana:  Big Sky
Nebraska:  Nebraska Brewing
Nevada:  Ellis Island Casino & Brewery
New Hampshire:  Smuttynose
New Jersey:  Flying Fish
New Mexico:  Santa Fe Brewing
New York:  Brooklyn Brewery
North Carolina:  Highland
North Dakota:  Fargo Brewing
Ohio:  Great Lakes
Oklahoma:  Choc Beer
Oregon:  Deschutes
Pennsylvania:  Victory
Rhode Island:  Trinity Brewhouse
South Carolina:  Palmetto
South Dakota:  Crow Peak
Tennessee:  Yazoo
Texas:  Shiner
Utah:  Uinta
Vermont:  Long Trail
Virginia:  Starr Hill
Washington:  Georgetown Brewing
West Virginia:  Mountain State
Wisconsin:  New Glarus
Wyoming:  Snake River Brewing Company

Apparently, this is what it looks like when a lion is getting a CAT scan.

(via Amanda Macias)

Tags: animals   lions   science

Your plain ol’ angel and devil food cakes are fine… but they have absolutely no Skittles in them. Cookies, Cupcakes, and Cardio is here to change all of that, with the Skittles Cake.

The rainbow candies are broken down to help create the cake’s colorful innards, with a Skittles-infused buttercream icing. To help make it the most rainbowiest cake to ever rainbow, you could top yours with even more Skittles. Good luck at the dentist.

[link, via designtaxi]

Because he has nothing better to do, shitty former Senator and hilarious former Presidential candidate Rick Santorum was at the South Carolina National Security Action summit today. Also at the summit was a retired schoolteacher named Virginia, whose rambling, spirited question to Santorum stretched for an incredible two minutes before being mercilessly aborted by event organizers. Luckily, there's video. Incredible, beautiful video.

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Leslie Rice (whose work you see here) is a second-generation tattoo artist who's been tattooing for twenty years, and here's the number one thing he's learned: "Women are tougher than men."

"Women and men have a very different approach to traumatic things like getting tattoos. Women are far more willing to accept it and go with the flow, whereas men will try and fight it, so you end up in this horrible situation where men end up vomiting and passing out and falling on the floor, and the women don't tend to do that."

(via Needles and Sins)

Tags: batman   comics   tattoos

After Yr Wonkette offered our sincerest congratulations to Bristol Palin and her brand new fiancé Dakota Meyers, some smart social-media-follower found this lovely photo of Sgt. Meyer on the Instagram, simply titled “Me and Rowan.” We have no idea who Rowan is, but we’ll assume it’s the baby there, because we are smart this way. But we thought you might enjoy this Fun Activity Puzzle Page for Kids, since this is clearly one of those pictures from Highlights for Children where you need to identify what’s hilariously out of place in the picture, and maybe find the hidden images of a toothbrush, a fruit bat, and a Medal of Honor winner who’s marrying a born-again virgin. So look at the photo for a moment (don’t peek at the answers below!) and see how many things YOU can find in this photo!

Read more on Wonkette Funtimes Activity Page: What’s Wrong With This Picture Of Bristol Palin’s Beau?…

And we’re back to #TeamDryLand, folks! An Australian fisherman was about to reel in this mammoth brown marlin when, all of a sudden, JAWS! According to Captain Bucko, that’s no ordinary shark, but rather a great white. The shark. The one that keeps most of us far, far away from the ocean’s deep.

This whole incident is best summed up by one of the Australians in the video: “I sh*t meself.” Yeah, you’re not alone.

[Facebook]

In 2013, over 20,000 children went missing. 8,000 of those kids are from New York City. With statistics like that, it's hard to fault parents for wanting to be as informed about their child's location as possible. What parent wouldn't want to guarantee their child's safety? But are surgically implanted tracking devices the answer?

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My name is Crosby and I'm from Northern California. My favorite activities are playing with my rubber tire and getting tummy rubs!

If you're liable to grumble about kids these days with their iPhones and their selfie sticks, the Art in Island museum that just opened in the Philippines is not for you.

Art In Island features originals as well as models of iconic art—like Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa and Vincent van Gogh’s Starry Night—that are altered to encouraged photo-friendly interaction. "Art In Island allows visitors to interact and have fun with the art pieces," the museum's Facebook page explains. "You can take as much pictures and videos as you want! Here in Art In Island, we want you to BE PART OF ART. :)" 

While it might not be the best place to get a crash course in art history or admire the masterpieces of great artists, it does look like a lot of fun.

All photos courtesy of Art In Island Facebook page.

[h/t Good Magazine]

If you ever find yourself at the Endeavour Hydrothermal Vents, a cluster of fissures in the ocean floor off the coast of Canada’s Vancouver Island, you might get the eerie feeling that you’re not alone. And you'd be right: The vents are an oasis for life in the desert of the deep sea, and host an odd assortment of creatures. Tubeworms and brittle stars live snugly side by side—some half a million per square meter—while spider crabs creep about. 

However unexpected it is that these animals could thrive around holes that constantly spew 239-degree fluid and toxic chemicals, they’re not what makes you uneasy. Rather, it’s the ragged humanoid shape you spot in the darkness, 7000 feet below the surface. 

Relax. This is no aquatic zombie or Lovecraftian horror waiting dead and dreaming under the waves. It’s just Dudley.

Dudley is a plywood  mannequin modeled and named after Dudley Foster, the submarine pilot who accompanied researchers on an voyage to the vents in the early 1990s. The scientists placed him nearby on the sea floor to mark the site and provide scale for the surrounding terrain. After more than two decades underwater, Dudley has seen better days. He’s drifted from his original spot and wound up closer to the vents and their eruptions, which have left him scorched, short an arm and looking appropriately creepy for his surroundings. 

You can see Dudley hanging out with some of his crab friends in this video from marine biologist Jackson Chu. 

[h/t Earth Touch]

A 53-year-old man in Arkansas was arrested last week for shoplifting. His crime was one that has long fascinated us here at Consumerist: he is accused of trying to steal steaks from a Food Giant grocery store by shoving them down his pants. While this might seem like a logical and delicious enough crime, it’s also kind of a noticeable one. Also, no one will want to eat the meat.

The total value of the stolen meat was $57, and police report that $157 worth of other merchandise was damaged in this incident. The suspect pushed a shopping cart into the shin of a store employee and tried to run out of the store, but the employee was still able to stop the suspect from running out of the store.

We don’t know what it is about steak that makes people want to stuff it down their pants. Criminals have been known to shove other meats down their pants too, including steak and lobster, a deli turkey breast, a non-kosher trifecta with lobster, shrimp, and pork, beef tongue, bacon, but steak is the most popular by far.

Man Arrested after Stuffing Steaks Into His Pants [NWA Homepage]

A scientist at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory wrote an editorial stating that prolonged droughts have left California with at most one more year of water, adding that “our strategic backup supply, groundwater, is rapidly disappearing.” Wha...

Hi!! My name is George. I'm an 11-week-old English bulldog. I'm the best puppy ever!

Modems screeching, ham(p)sters dancing, floppies grinding, AIM buddies leaving, ICQ messages coming in....

Spotted by Heather in P-town, Mass:

related: The snotty video store clerk lives!

The Catholic Archdiocese of Milwaukee, which owes victims of pedophile priests (including one, Think Progress notes, who was accused of assaulting approximately 200 deaf children) $17 million has decided to put that money into a fund reserved for cemeteries and claims that to pay the victims what they're owed is a violation of the church's religious freedom. After all, if there's one thing we've learned about Jesus is that he would have likely also placed millions of dollars into an untouchable fund to avoid paying the victims of his followers. It's just the christly thing to do.

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Meet Dennis, a mini dachshund who has a new lease on life. Once weighing over 56 pounds (that's four to five Dennises) he's slimmed down and is looking fitter than ever, all with the power of one very important trick that can be yours for less than $1. Read on, and get your wallets handy.

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It turns out that Sharon Van Etten's #1 fan is a middle-aged newscaster from New Zealand named John Campbell, and I don't know if anyone in the history of music fandom has been cuter.

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In Alaska, people search for the cost of a gallon of milk. In Alabama and Florida, people search for the cost of abortions. In other states, vasectomies, facelifts, and taxis are popular searches. The map was compiled using the autocomplete results for "how much does a * cost"... for each of the 50 states. (via mr)

Tags: Google   maps   search

Tradesy is an online consignment market, where people can sell designer and luxury goods that they no longer want. The top brands that sell on the site are pretty much what you’d expect: Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Hermès, and Tiffany. Yet brand #3 in their top five is one that you might not expect: Lululemon, an athletic wear company. Are people really that crazy over yoga pants?

Yes. They are. Racked looked into the Lululemon resale market, and discovered an entire hidden world. Instead of getting a discount on yoga pants that someone else has already sweated in, this business is actually about taking merchandise that’s scarce, holding on to it until it’s valuable, and then reselling it.

This works for items that are brand new with tags, but used items retain their value because of the durability the clothes. The company doesn’t condone this secondary market, but at the same time offers limited-edition products and brings different items in different colors into and out of circulation. This makes the items artificially scarce, and therefore valuable to someone.

In an interview, the CEO of Tradesy told Racked that the secondary market for Lululemon gear is something that they hadn’t really anticipated. “We always see markups in rare Chanel bags or vintage Louis Vuitton, so it’s interesting to see it happening with pants that make your butt look good and only retail for $80.”

What kind of markups? How about some rare running shorts that are currently bid up to $1,000 on eBay? Limited-edition leggings with a tie-dyed effect sell for hundreds of dollars.

One flipper describes searching resale values on eBay from the dressing room of her local Lululemon outlet. Yet this flipper, who makes a nice profit simply flipping Lululemon products on eBay, worries that she could end up banned from the company’s stores, just like how Sephora bans suspected makeup resellers from making online purchases.

Inside Lululemon’s Booming Underground Resale Market [Racked]

Dijon. It’s what’s for dinner (breakfast, lunch, dessert, and happy hour).

The Arkansas Times continues to do a stellar job unraveling the incredibly disturbing story of Arkansas State Representative Justin Harris, who gave away the little girls he'd adopted to a man who sexually abused one of them. The Times' newest story reveals there were three children, not two, and that Harris and his wife believed they were possessed by demons.

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