IKEA Monkey

A 20-year-old Ohio man already on electronic monitoring for a previous conviction for abduction-related charges allegedly lured a 14-year-old girl to his home, where he kept her against her will and repeatedly raped her over a period of months, reports the Associated Press.

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Lasagna is a great way to feed your pasta craving. If you have leftover cooked noodles after prepping your lasagna, feed that craving even more by turning them into pasta crackers.

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I forgive you for thinking you’d seen the dumbest-ever attempt to solve a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune. I was once like you. “Self-Potato .” “I Have the Wine by Johnny Cash .” I’ve loved them all. But I am here today to tell you I have now witnessed an even less competent response, and open your eyes to levels of Wheel misfortune previously unknown.

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From a paper presented at SIGGRAPH Asia by a group from Stanford, a system for tracking the facial expressions from one person and putting them on the face of a second person in real-time. This is crazy. (via @gavinpurcell)

Tags: video

Donald Trump, the person still inexplicably leading the Republican presidential primary, “sometimes” carries a firearm. In an interview with CBS’s Face the Nation, Trump acknowledged that he has a concealed weapons permit, adding “I will tell you, I feel much better being armed.”

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An Upper East Side aunt is suing her pre-teen nephew for six figures over a broken wrist she suffered when he excitedly jumped into her arms to hug her at his 8th birthday party. Her lawsuit claims his “negligent” and “careless” show of affection caused her serious injuries and losses, noting “I was at a party recently and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvres plate.” Damn.

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Youth football is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be a side activity for kids, a place where they can learn the game, play with their friends and eat orange slices after it’s all over. But over the last few months, there’s been a disturbing trend of violence against officials, mostly at the high-school level. And now it appears it’s trickled down into the pee wee ranks. A youth football league was forced to cancel the season after continued threats against league officials, coaches and referees.

Be worse everyone, seriously.

Here’s the statement from the league, posted on one team’s Facebook page (via Deadspin):

To all league officers, coaches, parents, players and cheerleaders,

The decision has been made with great regret that the 2015 MPAJF football season has been cancelled. After continued threats against league officials, coaches and referees, the league has only one option, to cancel the season. Today, Oct. 13, 2015, ammunition shells were placed at the field gate with names of league officers printed with permanent marker. Due to the increase in violence of these threats, the safety of our children is the main concern. Decisions of this magnitude are not done lightly; rather they are done with the advice of the state police, FBI, school administrators and league officials. We hope that as parents you will agree with this decision and try and cooperate with everyone involved to bring forward the person or persons responsible for these actions. The league’s future and our children’s continued participation in future seasons is what is in jeopardy.

Thank you for your support

League Officers

Wanna know how ridiculous this is getting? While searching for more information about a reported fight in this league, we stumbled on another story from San Diego (last week) where parents brawled in the stands during a game.

What is wrong with people?

PRO-TIP parents: It’s just sports, it’s not worth fighting over. If a dad wants to brawl with you because your kid tackled someone too hard, just walk away or ignore them. This seems kind of obvious, but some of you have forgotten. Also, putting the names of officials on ammunition shells is not normal. You’re crazy. Get help.

We know that you just settled down to watch episodes of “Criminal Minds” while you eat dinner or whatever your weird personal ritual is, and were horrified to see that Netflix is down. Don’t fret, little consumer: everything is going to be okay soon. Soon-ish?

Here are the comforting words, direct from Netflix customer service:

Maybe take this convenient break to make sure that your current payment card information is attached to your Netflix account, which has been a problem for the company as customers’ new EMV or “chip” cards arrive.

Or you could freak out, then take solace in the fact that other people are suffering too.

If brands are taking advantage of the social media trend, at least it isn’t other streaming services. At least, that I’ve seen.

In iOS 8, Apple allowed apps to run in the background so they can stay up to date without you opening them. This tends to kill the battery life, but thankfully you can easily turn the feature off. However, doing that for the Facebook app doesn’t seem to make a difference.

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Happiness is contagious and friendship is magic: That’s the lesson from a 20-year multi-generational study, which concludes that people’s happiness depends on the happiness of those we’re connected with.

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Star is a duck. There’s no avoiding this reality—even booze can only take you so far. This is a hard lesson, but Star has learned it, courtesy of Maggie, who is a dog. A dog who reaffirmed what I am all too happy to describe as the “pecking order” in this story about a duck.

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Much like the way he initially charmed the women he dated, Leo Amin "presented well" in court — calm, compliant and respectful — even when facing charges of rape or resisting arrest.

That could help explain why he could still legally possess a gun and was not in jail Sept. 29, the day authorities...

Around 1,000 bees delayed an American Airlines flight at Texas' Dallas/Fort Worth Airport after flying into the jet's wing.

Not all of the gas you pass is smelly.

Taco Bell's Volcano Quesarito consists of a filling of seasoned beef, premium Latin rice, Lava sauce, and reduced-fat sour cream wrapped up in a grilled, 3-cheese quesadilla.

I bought one for $2.69.

If you've had the Quesarito, the only thing the Volcano version adds is the Lava sauce, which is a cheesy spicy sauce. Lava sauce is pretty spicy but not so much that I couldn't taste anything. The cheesiness blunts the heat a little and there's a slight bit of a tang to it.

Beyond the Lava sauce, there was some slight crisping on the burrito from being grill-pressed. The beef and rice, while not plentiful, provided the bulk of the more seasoned nuances. The melted cheese, which was plentiful, mixed with the sauce delivered a mess of oozy, creamy richness. I didn't notice the sour cream much.

Overall, Taco Bell's Volcano Quesarito was pretty good for a spicy version of the Quesarito. The Lava sauce went really well with the ingredients, while providing the heat that some of you have been missing.

Nutritional Info - Taco Bell Volcano Quesarito - Beef
Calories - 700 (from Fat - 340)
Fat - 38g (Saturated Fat - 13g)
Sodium - 1560mg
Carbs - 66g (Sugar - 5g)
Protein - 22g

Pro tip: if the sound of children’s laughter on a Sunday afternoon makes you curse the sky in rage, you might want to check yourself before you turn into a full-fledged cartoon villain. It might be too late for the “concerned” notewriter below.

related: That means you, young man!

After trapping Michael Fassbender’s head inside a large papier-mâché mask in last year’s Frank, director Lenny Abrahamson has decided to give Brie Larson a little more wiggle room with an adaptation of Emma Donoghue’s best-selling novel, Room. The film follows Larson’s Ma and her 5-year-old son Jack (Jacob Tremblay), who are being held against their will in a small 10-by-10-foot shed. Jack has never known life outside of the enclosed living quarters, so Ma does the best she can to keep his hope and imagination alive while secretly plotting their escape. Room opens in Chicago on October 23, but The A.V. Club and A24 have an opportunity for you to see it for free on October 21. For your chance to win a pair of passes to the advance screening, simply follow the link here and enter your information. As always, seats will be first ...

NBC announced this afternoon that the reality star, “presidential” “candidate,” and walking hairpiece will stop by Studio 8H on November 7th.

This obviously isn’t Trump’s first time on NBC’s payroll, but it also won’t be his first time on SNL; the former Apprentice host last helmed the show in 2004, back when his face was less ravaged by time and Darrell Hammond was in charge of impersonating him. As of the 41st season premiere, the Donald is currently portrayed by Taran Killam.

By signing on for a full-blown hosting gig instead of a cameo, Trump seems to be one-upping his political opponent Hillary Clinton, who played Val the imaginary bar tender to Kate McKinnon’s Madam Secretary a couple weeks ago. Both Clinton and Trump have made numerous late-night appearances in the last few weeks, in an attempt to seem more relatable, on Clinton’s part, and to encourage the total collapse of any divide between politics and entertainment, on Trump’s.

The American political system is now officially, literally, irreversibly a joke. Bernie 2016!

On Friday afternoon, five men entered a Duane Reade in the TriBeCa neighborhood of Manhattan, made a beeline to the frozen aisle (probably), and shoved 226 pints of Häagen-Dazs and 24 tubs of Delish ice cream into their knapsacks. What a dream!

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CHICAGO—Describing the sickening sight and stench of the carcasses that have become a constant presence around the clubhouse, members of the Chicago Cubs admitted to reporters Tuesday that they have become increasingly unnerved by third baseman Kris Bryant’s repeated attempts to break the team’s so-called “Curse of the Billy Goat” by slaughtering goats. “I know he thinks he’s doing it all for the team, but his fixation with finding and killing all of these goats is starting to get out of control,” said first baseman Anthony Rizzo, adding that Bryant, who has killed an estimated 30 goats since the playoffs began, has disgusted teammates with rituals that include sprinkling powdered goat horn inside the batter’s box and storing severed goat heads in the dugout’s helmet rack. “It’s kind of scary how seriously he takes it, like the way he freaks out whenever he ...

The Manhattan aunt suing her 12-year-old nephew for allegedly breaking her wrist with an enthusiastic hug on his 8th birthday has lost her case. A Connecticut jury took just 25 minutes to find in favor of the nephew Tuesday, the New York Daily News reports.

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Hot dang! Six! That’s how many taters the Chicago Cubs mashed off the St. Louis Cardinals’ butt pitchers yesterday evening. That’s a postseason record, and it has the Cubs one win from the NLCS.

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There was a time when kitchens were designed for the individual women who would spend their days in them—counter tops and sinks were measured to be ergonomically kind to their users, to facilitate easy use and minimize strain.

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Anyone with an Internet connection can now take a tour of four of Lake Michigan's spooky, aging shipwrecks on a new website. [ more › ]

This rich Mediterranean spread, known as brandade in France, baccalà mantecato in Italy, and brandada in Spain, is made by whipping salt cod with olive oil and half-and-half until smooth and creamy. Fold in mashed potatoes for a milder version, or use pure fish for a more toothsome texture. Read More

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Whitney Beall, 23, was arrested by police in Lakeland, Florida, on Oct. 9.

Four years into a twenty-year study of the mental conditions of kids living in rural North Carolina, a quarter of the participants experienced a dramatic increase in annual income. The researchers used this opportunity to find out how that increase in wealth affected the wellbeing of the kids. What they learned is that even a little money goes a long way.

Not only did the extra income appear to lower the instance of behavioral and emotional disorders among the children, but, perhaps even more important, it also boosted two key personality traits that tend to go hand in hand with long-term positive life outcomes.

The first is conscientiousness. People who lack it tend to lie, break rules and have trouble paying attention. The second is agreeableness, which leads to a comfort around people and aptness for teamwork. And both are strongly correlated with various forms of later life success and happiness.

Tags: economics   money

Wendy's latest value play is the new 4 for $4 Meal, which features a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, four chicken nuggets, small fries, and a small drink for $4.

In my area, the listed items would cost about $5 or so, if bought separately.

Wendy's 4 for $4 Meal is available for a limited time at participating locations (price may vary). According to the company, "consumer response will determine how long it stays."

“Just 158 families...contributed $176 million in the first phase of the campaign...Not since before Watergate have so few people and businesses provided so much early money in a campaign, most of it through channels legalized by the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision five years ago.” The New York Times’ story about the ultra-wealthy who have a disproportionate influence on politics and policy is worth reading.

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