Shared posts

01 May 18:14

My husband asked my gynecologist if he was a Texas Longhorn...

01 May 18:14

Faith in humanity double restored

01 May 18:12

Kevin Spacey Shouts 'Photobomb' Before Jogging Into Woman's Picture

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Darendukes

Oh, Spacey..

What a card: Kevin Spacey was out jogging on Monday in Boston when he spotted a woman having her picture taken and decided to make a surprise cameo appearance.

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01 May 18:06

School Conducts Surprise Shooting Drill with Real Gunmen Firing Blanks

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Darendukes

Time for another round of "Good Idea, Bad Idea!"
Good Idea: Making sure your staff is prepared for a gunman scenario.
Bad Idea: Hiring men to wear ski masks, burst into a meeting and fire blanks wildly into the crowd.
*****
As soon as I learned they were blanks, I would have beaten them both with the closest blunt object.

A school district in Oregon is catching some flak after it recently sicced two masked gunmen loaded with blank on a meeting room full of teachers as part of a surprise "readiness drill" for an active shooter scenario.

Read more...

    


30 Apr 23:45

I saw this patch in a news report about the USS Freedom. It's the finest patch I've ever seen.

30 Apr 23:15

I asked them to look miserable and I couldn't be happier.

30 Apr 23:13

Open. The fucking. Door.

30 Apr 18:34

I honestly don't understand how no one thinks Archer is a classy show.

30 Apr 18:25

Scientists Can Now Breathalyze You For Drugs

by Gabrielle Bluestone
Darendukes

The picture for this story is either a Monty Python sketch or the beginning of an old porno.

You think popping a mint is going to help you? Think again. Swedish researchers announced Thursday that they were able to detect drugs like marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines and prescription pills simply by breathalyzing subjects.

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30 Apr 18:22

Inmates Now Reviewing Prisons on Yelp

by Gabrielle Bluestone

The staff at Sing Sing are the "most unprofessional staff in the world and the rudest." The chocolate milk at the Tombs is "chalky." At Rikers, "If the roaches & rats don't mess with you the CO's [correctional officers] will." Queens Central Booking is "run smoother than the other central bookings throughout the greater New York."

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30 Apr 18:20

Barack Obama Getting Ready for the White House Correspondent's Dinner

by Taylor Berman
Darendukes

Gif of Obama brushing that dirt off his shoulders. This pleases me.

Looks like he wasn't too worried about the criticism he received for Jay-Z's recent trip to Cuba.

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30 Apr 18:18

Reporter Nearly Killed Taking 'Most Dangerous Selfie Ever'

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Darendukes

The odds of this... Fucking fantastic.

Kelly Nash, who covers the Tampa Bay Rays for Fox's Sun Sports, was in Boston Saturday for the Astros-Red Sox game, and decided to pass the time during batting practice by taking a few selfies around Fenway Park.

Read more...

    


30 Apr 17:45

Indie Weirdo-Heartthrobs Neutral Milk Hotel Are Getting Back Together

by John Cook

Neutral Milk Hotel, the fuzzy-noisy-sweet-sad troubadours who made all this music you kids listen to today possible, is reuniting for five shows this fall. The last time the core lineup of Jeff Mangum, Scott Spillane, Jeremy Barnes, and Julian Koster performed live together was in 1998.

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30 Apr 17:43

Walking Dead Star Photobombs Game of Thrones Fans with Killer Headshot

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Darendukes

OMFG. Just imagine this Game of Thrones character addition: Daryl Snow

Not about to let some wayward baseball be the best photobomber of the day, The Walking Dead's resident rebel-with-a-crossbow Norman Reedus decided to drop by the Game of Thrones fan photo session at the Calgary Comic & Entertainment Expo and deliver a very necessary headshot to an otherwise quotidian snap of Peter Dinklage and Lena Headey with a pair of Thronies.

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30 Apr 17:40

Armed Robber Has Shotgun Snatched by Unassuming Superhero

by Neetzan Zimmerman

A humble pedestrian was strolling down Burgundy St. in New Orleans last Saturday around 5 AM, when he was suddenly approached by a shotgun-wielding robber who demanded he hand over his money.

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30 Apr 17:39

Deadly Afghan Plane Crash Caught By Dash Cam In This Horrifying Video

by Travis Okulski

A Boeing 747 cargo plane crashed just after takeoff from Bagram Air Force Base in Afghanistan yesterday. There were eight crew members on board, and none of them survived. The entire crash was captured on the dash cam of an approaching vehicle. This is terrifying.

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30 Apr 17:38

This Insane Footage of a Botched Fuel Heist Will Make You Gasp

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Darendukes

Driver seems a little jumpy!
And the girl pumping the gas seems a little pregnant!

Two petrol thieves remain at large in Australia after a gas station CCTV camera caught them fleeing the scene of a severely botched fuel heist.

Read more...

    


30 Apr 17:19

A 17 year old with a history of mental illness is accused of stabbing his mother to death

by Newsroom
Darendukes

Student at Binsky's school...

 

A police affidavit accuses Raul Rodriguez-Cortez of killing his mother Maribel yesterday at their apartment in Northeast Austin. Police say they were called to the Creekwood Apartments yesterday where they found the woman with a knife in her chest in one of the bedrooms. 

Raul's younger sister told police her brother came to pick her up at school and when they finally went home he told her her mother died of a heart attack and was taken away by police. Raul left to pick up a brother. The girl eventually made her way to one of the bedrooms where she discovered her mother deceased.

The brother reported Raul never came to pick him up. Police in Blanco eventually caught up with him and arrested him for possession of marijuana and failure to identify. He is now locked up in the Travis County jail charged with 1st degree murder.

26 Apr 00:54

Twitter Co-Founder: Vine Pretty Much Ruined Art

by Sam Biddle
Darendukes

What the hell is Vine?

Just like we'd have trouble going back to silent films and burning the dead to stay warm during winter, Dashing Microblogger King Jack Dorsey can't deal the primitive ways anymore: Vine is so good, he says, all other visual media are boring.

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26 Apr 00:37

I'm aware of repost, but this is my favourite gif ever :D

Darendukes

This is still one of the top 10 gifs ever created.

26 Apr 00:36

Futurama is being cancelled :(

Darendukes

"Yeah, it's pretty big. But is it too big? I mean, are people going to remember me or the statue?"

26 Apr 00:32

preach

26 Apr 00:31

So I just realised what the "indoor swing" I found in my garage when I was 8 was...

26 Apr 00:24

'Grown-Ass Man' Builds Olive Garden Menu Fort to Hide from Girlfriend

by Neetzan Zimmerman

Adam Howell was at an Olive Garden in Charlotte last night when he overheard a couple at a nearby table quarreling

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26 Apr 00:23

Stripper Shuts Down Critics with Photo of Massive Single-Day Take

by Neetzan Zimmerman

A female Redditor who claims to be putting herself through college by working as a stripper in Atlanta decided to do a different sort of showing off late last night when she laid bare her $3,345 mixed-bill take from a single day of work at her strip club.

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26 Apr 00:17

Lawyers file brief in support of Rosemary Lehmberg

by Newsroom
Darendukes

You break the law, you get punished for it. I don't care if you just saved a family of baby pandas from a burning church, if you get caught driving drunk and act like a bitch, then you go to jail. FUCK

An amicus brief has been filed on behalf of 100 lawyers who have voiced their support for Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg.  Austin Criminal Defense Attorney Betty Blakckwell has taken the lead in her defense, and said the lawyers represent several political parties, including five former State Bar presidents, criminal defense attorneys and civil attorneys.

Lehmberg pleaded guilty last Friday to Driving While Intoxicated and immediately began serving a 45-day jail sentence.  She was also given a $4,000 fien and had her driver license suspended for six months.

According to statement by the Friends of Rosemary Lehmberg, here's an exerpt from the brief:

"Rosemary Lehmberg has had an extraordinary 36-year career as a Travis County prosecutor, an Assistant District Attorney, and since 2009, as District Attorney. Unquestionably she has developed and maintained one of the best district attorney’s offices in the United States. She served as chief prosecutor in Judge Tom Blackwell’s 167th District Court. She also served as chief of other major divisions in the District Attorney’s office—including the Career Criminal Division, the Major Crimes Division, and the Public Integrity Division. She founded the Travis County Children’s Advocacy Center, and for her work on behalf of child abuse victims, she was named Best Lawyer for Children’s Issues. Under her leadership the Public Integrity Unit has successfully prosecuted both Democrats and Republicans who have violated the public trust."

25 Apr 23:03

'Fucking Shit' Anchor Swears He's Fine in First Post-Job Interview

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Darendukes

Fuckin shit. It's very funny to watch. Very first words out of his mouth on his very first live news broadcast.

The news anchor whose "rookie mistake" cost him his job within the first few seconds of his first newscast got a second chance this morning from the parent company of his former boss, North Dakota NBC affiliate KFYR.

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25 Apr 22:56

Here's a Soldier in Afghanistan in a Batman Mask Abusing His Colleagues

by Adam Weinstein
Darendukes

Anyone wearing a Batman cape/cowl and yelling, "Swear to me!" is always funny.

The Army's clearly bored contingent of public affairs soldiers in Afghanistan would like to introduce you to Bagram Batman, the star of this strangely amusing series of safety PSAs that's DOD-sponsored... and taxpayer-funded.

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25 Apr 22:50

This Is the New $100 Bill

by Cord Jefferson
Darendukes

"I like money"

The Federal Reserve has at last released the first images of the redesigned $100 bill, to go into circulation in October. Along with a tacky golden "100" in the bottom right corner, the new bills will also feature raised printing and security ribbons that change depending on from what angle you look at them. Throw in the silly drawing of the quill pen and this may be the worst $100 bill ever. Annotate it and tell us what you think.

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25 Apr 21:16

City to take back old and unwanted drugs

by Newsroom
Darendukes

Damn! I was gonna use the slogan 'Got Drugs?' on my... I don't know... something.

This weekend the City of Austin is partnering with the Drug Enforcement Agency and Austin police to take back your unwanted or expired prescription drugs or over the counter medication or supplements. Greg Thrash with the DEA says a lot of people just don’t know what to do with them, so Congress established these bi-annual events to dispose of the drugs properly.

The problem is that many people end up flushing them down the toilet. Mike Personett, Assistant Director of Watershed Protection, says that’s a problem. He says that although treatment plants can handle organic or human waste easily, they not capable of totally filtering out the chemicals found in drugs. And small amounts have been found in city water supplies around the country.Cut

If you bring your drugs to one of the take-back locations this weekend they will be incinerated. And there will be no questions asked.

More information from the city of Austin:

On Saturday, April 27 the City of Austin in partnership with DEA, will offer residents a free and anonymous way to safely dispose of expired or unwanted prescriptions, over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, insulin and needles.  Austin will have three locations available for drop-off from 10:00AM-2:00PM

Austin Drug Take-Back Locations:  Saturday, April 27 from 10:00AM-2:00PM

Northeast:     Cornerstone Church (1101 Reinli Street)

Southeast:     City of Austin Household Hazardous Waste Facility (2514 Business Center Dr)

West:              Barton Creek Square Mall (2901 S. Capital of Texas Highway)

For a list of all Texas locations visit www.dea.gov. 

The federal government-sponsored National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that more Americans currently abuse prescription drugs than the number of those using cocaine, hallucinogens, methamphetamines and heroin combined.