Jmical

What men say to their daughters now matters for years to come. Tara Hedman asks them to choose their words carefully.

I’m spending the morning waiting for my car in the repair shop. Four men in flannel (I missed the flannel memo) and I sit around smelling tires and inhaling exhaust fumes while an enchanting little fairy is in constant motion around her daddy. She climbs on him, giggles, turns around, and then she’s back to twirling on the tile.

She’s bouncing and spinning around in her pink frilly skirt. Her black cable knit tights are sagging around her tiny knees, and her puffy coat makes her arms stand out further than is natural. To top off the ensemble is a shiny crystal tiara. It’s been tacked down to her head with what appears to be about 60 haphazard bobby pins.

She’s probably four years old. So little, so vulnerable. She doesn’t seem concerned about it as she sings about teapots and ladybugs in her black Mary Janes. I feel myself tear up as I watch her. I tear up as I watch him watch her. She could not possibly know at four what impact this man, his character, or his words will have on her for years to come. And, maybe he doesn’t know either.

So, to all the daddies with little girls who aren’t old enough yet to ask for what they need from you, here is what we wish you knew:

1. How you love me is how I will love myself.

2. Ask how I am feeling and listen to my answer. I need to know you value me before I can understand my true value.

3. I learn how I should be treated by how you treat my mom, whether you are married to her or not.

4. If you are angry with me, I feel it even if I don’t understand it, so talk to me.

5. Every time you show grace to me or someone else, I learn to trust God a little more.

6. I need to experience your nurturing physical strength, so I learn to trust the physicality of men.

7. Please don’t talk about sex like a teenage boy, or I think it’s something dirty.

8. When your tone is gentle, I understand what you are saying much better.

9. How you talk about female bodies when you’re ‘just joking’ is what I believe about my own.

10. How you handle my heart is how I will allow it to be handled by others.

11. If you encourage me to find what brings joy, I will always seek it.

12. If you teach me what safe feels like when I’m with you, I will know better how to guard myself from men who are not.

13. Teach me a love of art, science, and nature, and I will learn that intellect matters more than dress size.

14. Let me say exactly what I want even if it’s wrong or silly, because I need to know having a strong voice is acceptable to you.

15. When I get older, if you seem afraid of my changing body, I will believe something is wrong with it.

16. If you understand contentment for yourself, so will I.

17. When I ask you to let go, please remain available; I will always come back and need you if you do.

18. If you demonstrate tenderness, I learn to embrace my own vulnerability rather than fear it.

19. When you let me help fix the car and paint the house, I will believe I can do anything a boy can do.

20. When you protect my femininity, I learn everything about me is worthy of protecting.

21. How you treat our dog when you think I’m not watching tells me more about you than does just about anything else.

22. Don’t let money be everything, or I learn not to respect it or you.

23. Hug, hold, and kiss me in all the ways a daddy does that are right and good and pure. I need it so much to understand healthy touch.

24. Please don’t lie, because I believe what you say.

25. Don’t avoid hard conversations, because it makes me believe I’m not worth fighting for.

◊♦◊

It’s pretty simple, really. Little girls just love their daddies. They each think their daddy hung the moon. Once in a while when you look at your little gal twirling in her frilly skirt, remember she’ll be grown one day. What do you want her to know about men, life, herself, love? What you do and say now matters for a lifetime. Daddies, never underestimate the impact of your words or deeds on your daughters, no matter their age.

 

 

—Photo Peter Werkman/Flickr

Find me at on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HedmanCounseling
Originally published on My Blog: http://tarahedman.com/blog/

There are RPGs we love, and then there are RPGs that cause us to shudder and make the sign of the cross. Make your offerings to Saint Gygax, then gird yourself for this harrowing list of the most controversial and notorious RPGs ever published.

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Left to Right: Becky, Jennell, Stan!, Lorelei, Rob, John, Me, Will, Dave, Scott. Picture by Bruce Cordell.

This photo is from a gathering of my writer's group, the Alliterates, at our habitual watering hole. Bruce Cordell took the photo (he would have been sitting between me and Stan! (who's back is to the camera). Steve Winter, who is also a member, was off camera to the right, but this was the group for the evening. I've put it up on other social networks, but I just want to talk about the composition.

But what I like about this photo is how evocative and well-lit the scene is, making it look almost like an oil painting. We have already talked about the comparison with the Last Supper. The center of the picture, over Rob, John, and Lorelei, is the best-lit and the center of the work. Bruce took this at a moment when we talking in one relatively big group (due to the size, throughout the evening, we had three or four conversations going at the same time). The figures are naturally posed because most of us didn't realize Bruce was taking a photo (except maybe Lorelei, with her arms folded). I don't remember what we were talking about, though I always use my my hands when making a point, and the sight-line was between me and Jennell. The background is well-lit, but other-worldly, its color palate separated from the muted hues inside the bar.

It is rare when a random photo creates this sense of story and a uniformity of feel. It looks like Lorelei, Rob, and John are sitting in judgement as Jennell and I make some arcane points. It was a passing moment, but captured. No one is caught off-guard or looking dorky as a result. It is one of those chance things that just works.

And that's pretty cool. More later,

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Greg Tito sits down with Sid Meier, designer of Civilization, to talk about what makes his creative process unique.

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Mike Spohr was trying to console his crying niece. Unfortunately some people only see what they want to see.

—

I sat on this post for a couple of weeks because I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to say about the experience. I knew that I was annoyed by what had happened—angered even—but it’s not a totally black or white situation.

A few weeks ago my parents took me and my daughter Annie, along with my nephew Spencer and niece Michaela, to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2. Normally, my sister and her husband would have come too, but they were out of town, so my parents and I were in charge of looking after Spencer and Michaela.

After the movie we schlepped over to a restaurant at the mall for dinner. Things started off well enough, but right before our food came Michaela threw a fit. I’m not sure why she lost it exactly… it might have been because she missed her parents, had too much candy at the movie, or because, you know, she’s a 3-year-old, but the fact is she had a big league meltdown. Since we didn’t want her to disturb anyone at the restaurant, my dad scooped her up and took her outside.

A couple of minutes later I went outside to see if everything was okay and saw that Michaela was still yelling and screaming. I went over and tried to calm her down, and that’s when it happened—a woman walked up to us and said, “Is she supposed to be with you?”

Shocked, I looked over at the lady who scrutinized us suspiciously. “I asked you if she’s supposed to be with you,” she said.

“Yes, she’s supposed to be with us,” I spat out, then turned away. I could see out of the corner of my eye that she watched us a while longer before finally continuing on her way. Michaela soon calmed down and we went back inside to finish our meal, but I couldn’t get the lady out of my mind.

Here’s the thing… on one hand, I get why the lady did what she did. If you see a child possibly in jeopardy it’s important to make sure he or she is okay. I’d like for people to look out for Annie the same way.

With that said, though, we weren’t heading toward a waiting van with Michaela. We were standing in clear sight of hundreds of other people. We also looked a whole lot like what we were—her grandfather and uncle. Actually, Michaela could easily pass for my daughter.

What upset me the most was the realization that the lady never would have asked that question of a woman and her mother. If it were my wife and mom out there with Michaela instead of my dad and me, she would have walked right past.

Clearly, there’s a double standard here, and normally that’s something we don’t accept in society. It’s sad that in a situation like that people are so quick to think “kidnapper” instead of “father,” and that probably says something about how our society views men and fatherhood. In the end, though, the woman was only looking out for Michaela, and I appreciate that. Still, in the future, it’d be nice if she stood back and observed a bit longer. If she did, she might realize there’s a whole lot more loving fathers, grandfathers, and uncles out there than creeps.

 

—

Image: Flickr/Spirit-Fire

Nevada's Pioneer Saloon doesn't just look like an old timey saloon, it really began as one. 

The historic landmark of Pioneer Saloon in dusty Goodsprings, Nevada may as well be the template for every Western bar ever depicted. Built by businessman George Fayle in 1913, the bar and its attendant general store quickly became the centerpiece of town, drawing locals and celebrities alike and is now the oldest working saloon in Nevada. Legendary actor Clark Gable once spent three days in the saloon waiting for word on the fate of his wife Carole Lombard, after a disastrous plane accident. There's plenty of memorabilia to see including some original newspaper clippings, bullet holes, and the unique stamped tin exterior walls of the saloon, manufactured by Sears & Roebuck. 

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Compare the World of 1812 to 2013

jamminman1:

Interactive Map Here……….

Edit:
Slighty Bigger Frame here: http://storymaps.esri.com/stories/2013/then-and-now/?appid=b8ece5952db443858442f122984602ba

Only thing is the “Swap Views” button doesn’t work. But I don’t see that option on the original link either.

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jonjacobmoon:

Interactive map can be found here: http://swampland.time.com/2013/10/17/interactive-which-republicans-vote-for-default/

A map of the UK and Ireland made up of its NSFW place names

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