When are brand managers going to come to realize that metrics don't mean diddly-squat, and that their social media managers need to stop stealing "content" ideas from old Highlights magazines?
Story Link, on VICE.

"I told him he could not take his unwrapped tampon out to run errands."
Submitted By: Jenn G.
Location: Illinois, United States

It’s the meme that refuses to die. It started, back in 2011, with the Waltons: six members of the family, we were repeatedly told, were worth as much as the bottom 30% of all Americans combined. I tried to address this silly stat back then, but now it’s gone global: back in January, Oxfam announced that the world’s 85 richest people had the same wealth as the bottom half of the global population. And now Forbes has come along to say that, actually, it’s not 85 people — it’s a mere 67.

Oxfam does a pretty bad job of footnoting its report, but I did manage to finally track down how it arrived at this conclusion. The 85 (or 67) number is easy: you just start at the top of the Forbes billionaires list, and start counting up the combined wealth until you reach $1.7 trillion. The harder question is: where does the $1.7 trillion number come from?

The answer is that it comes from a pair of tables in Credit Suisse’s 2013 Global Wealth Databook. First of all, you have to find the total wealth in the world, which you can find at the bottom of the fourth column on page 89: it’s $241 trillion. Then, you flick forwards to page 146, where you find the proportion of all global wealth held by each of the world’s income deciles. The top 10% have 86% of the wealth; the next 10% have 7.8%, and so on. Add up the bottom five deciles, and you get 0.7% (not 0.71%, which is the number in the Oxfam report; I have no idea where that extra basis point came from). And if you multiply $241 trillion by 0.7%, you get $1.7 trillion.

All of which makes a certain amount of sense, until you start looking a bit closer. For instance, notice anything odd about this chart?

The weird thing is that triangle in the top left hand corner. If you look at the tables in the Credit Suisse datebook, China has zero people in the bottom 10% of the world population: everybody in China is in the top 90% of global wealth, and the vast majority of Chinese are in the top half of global wealth. India is on the list, though: if you’re looking for the poorest 10% of the world’s population, you’ll find 16.4% of them in India, and another 4.4% in Bangladesh. Pakistan has 2.6% of the world’s bottom 10%, while Nigeria has 3.9%.

But there’s one unlikely country which has a whopping 7.5% of the poorest of the poor — second only to India. That country? The United States.

How is it that the US can have 7.5% of the bottom decile, when it has only 0.21% of the second decile and 0.16% of the third? The answer: we’re talking about net worth, here: assets minus debts. And if you add up the net worth of the world’s bottom decile, it comes to minus a trillion dollars. The poorest people in the world, using the Credit Suisse methodology, aren’t in India or Pakistan or Bangladesh: they’re people like Jérôme Kerviel, who has a negative net worth of something in the region of $6 billion.

America, of course, is the spiritual home of the overindebted — people underwater on their mortgages, recent graduates with massive student loans, renters carrying five-figure car loans and credit-card obligations, uninsured people who just got out of hospital, you name it. If you’re looking for people with significant negative net worth, in a way it’s surprising that only 7.5% of the world’s bottom 10% are in the US.

And as you start adding all those people up — the people who dominate the bottom 10% of the wealth rankings — their negative wealth only grows in magnitude: you get further and further away from zero.

The result is that if you take the bottom 30% of the world’s population — the poorest 2 billion people in the world — their total aggregate net worth is not low, it’s not zero, it’s negative. To the tune of roughly half a trillion dollars. My niece, who just got her first 50 cents in pocket money, has more money than the poorest 2 billion people in the world combined.

Or at least she does if you really consider Jérôme Kerviel to be the poorest person in the world, and much poorer than anybody trying to get by on less than a dollar a day. All of whom would happily change places with, say, Eike Batista, even if the latter, thanks to his debts, has a negative net worth in the hundreds of millions of dollars.

Now $1.7 trillion is undoubtedly a lot of money: there is an astonishing amount of wealth inequality in the world, and it’s shocking that just 67 people are worth that much. You could spread that money around the “bottom billion” and give them $1,700 each: enough to put them squarely in the fourth global wealth decile. But let’s look at just the top two-fifths of the 3.5 billion people referred to in the Oxfam stat. That’s 1.4 billion people; between them, they are worth $2.2 trillion. And they’re a subset of the 3.5 billion people who between them are worth $1.7 trillion.

The first lesson of this story is that it’s very easy, and rather misleading, to construct any statistic along the lines of “the top X people have the same amount of wealth as the bottom Y people”.

The second lesson of this story is broader: that when you’re talking about poor people, aggregating wealth is a silly and ultimately pointless exercise. Some poor people have modest savings; some poor people are deeply in debt; some poor people have nothing at all. (Also, some rich people are deeply in debt, which helps to throw off the statistics.) By lumping them all together and aggregating all those positive and negative ledger balances, you arrive at a number which is inevitably going to be low, but which is also largely meaningless. The Chinese tend to have large personal savings as a percentage of household income, but that doesn’t make them richer than Americans who have negative household savings — not in the way that we commonly understand the terms “rich” and “poor”. Wealth, and net worth, are useful metrics when you’re talking about the rich. But they tend to conceal more than they reveal when you’re talking about the poor.

It’s all fun and games until someone hits “snooze” too many times.

You slowly drift in and out of consciousness.

instagram.com

You take a moment to appreciate the burrito of comfort you have created for yourself.

Reddit: Nofalo / Via i.imgur.com

Hm... something doesn't feel quite right...

Reddit: gessicaah / Via i.imgur.com

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An art collective laid out an enormous picture of a young Pakistani girl to catch the attention of U.S. Predator drone pilots.

This giant picture of a child was laid out two weeks ago in rural Pakistan by a group of artists who want to help "save innocent lives".

The piece was installed in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KPK) province, close to Pakistan's northwest border with Afghanistan, by an art collective which includes Pakistanis, Americans and others associated with the French artist JR.

The collective says they produced the work in the hope that U.S. drone operators will see the human face of their victims in a region that has been the target of frequent strikes.

Not A Bug Splat / Via notabugsplat.com

The artists titled their work #NotABugSplat, a reference to the alleged nickname drone pilots have for their victims.

"Bug splat" is the term used by US drone pilots to describe the death of an individual as seen on a drone camera because "viewing the body through a grainy video image gives the sense of an insect being crushed".

The artists say that the purpose of #NotABugSplat is to make those human blips seem more real to the pilots based thousands of miles away: "Now, when viewed by a drone camera, what an operator sees on his screen is not an anonymous dot on the landscape, but an innocent child victim’s face."

Not A Bug Splat / Via notabugsplat.com

A spokesman for the group told BuzzFeed that the artwork would eventually be reused by the locals.

"The piece was left there for as long as people decided to use the fabric for roofing and other useful purposes. The art was always meant to be utilized and not discarded after it was photographed," said Saks Afridi, a New York-based artist and former advertising creative who is handling media enquiries on behalf of the group.

Not A Bug Splat / Via notabugsplat.com

"We cannot disclose [the] exact village in order to protect the locals," Afridi said.

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1) Write address. 2) Adhere postage. 3) Give someone the best damn day ever.

Michelle Porucznik/BuzzFeed

These things are just as easy to mail as it is to ship a standard package or crate. Just write the address clearly with a permanent marker or create a proper address label and adhere sufficient postage (dependent on how much the item weighs and where you are sending it to), and the USPS will literally mail it for you!

A Coconut

The USPS views a coconut as a self-contained unit, allowing it to be mailed without any additional packaging required. This is SO much better than a "Wish You Were Here" post-card from Hawaii.

Michelle Porucznik/BuzzFeed

A Potato

To remind your loved ones to stop being one.

Michelle Porucznik/BuzzFeed

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Where to find amazing street food in Penang. (Short answer: everywhere.)

Lucky Peach

You can also say jalan jalan, which is a verb, meaning "to stroll" or "to hang out and have a nice time," and is what my mom says to my dad when she takes his arm and wants to amble around on a nice, clear night.

In Penang, Malaysia, the jalans seem to be paved with food. This both makes sense and doesn't: The temperature hovers at a haunting 80-plus degrees year round, meaning it's too hot to eat inside though it is also, actually, too hot to eat outside. There are cooks everywhere, standing over hot woks and huge broth pots, barking an unfamiliar Chinese dialect (it's Hokkien) while dispatching plate after same-looking plate as though they've been doing it forever—and many of them have.

All food is fast food in Penang: If you're ordering to go, drinks come in plastic bags outfitted with a piece of raffia to hang from the handlebars of your scooter; rice comes in banana leaves or newspaper packets. Noodles are bagged and soups are too. If you're eating "in," you're still eating outside or half outside, and you're expected to eat fast, then go on to eat the next thing — fast. Colorful melamine plates and bowls and chopsticks get washed in huge buckets, and dirty dishwater spills into the streets.

Rachel Khong / Lucky Peach

Street food in Malaysia — and especially in Penang — can be overwhelming: the abundance, the no-nonsense-ness, the speed. There are hawker stalls on small streets, on big streets, hawker centers outside and inside of coffee shops. One comforting fact: the same foods repeat themselves everywhere, reliably. Wherever you are in Penang, you can usually find the entirety of Malaysian street food on offer. The scenarios in which you'll encounter these foods repeat themselves, too. Once you stop fretting about where you'll find the best, you'll begin to see the patterns emerging from the shrimp-paste-covered chaos, and the cornucopian abundance becomes a very enjoyable problem to tackle.

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You won’t be charged anything extra to call, text or use data in the EU from next year. But networks say they may have to increase domestic prices as a result.

Mobile phone roaming charges are set to be banned across the European Union from December 2015.

The measure was approved at a full meeting of the European Parliament on Thursday. This means that from the end of next year it will be illegal for European mobile phone networks to charge their customers anything extra to use their mobile phone abroad compared to what they pay at home.

Pay-as-you-go customers will be charged their usual rates while in Europe.

People on contracts, including those with unlimited data, will be able to use their allowances as normal.

Yes, you will be able to bore your friends with endless Facebook updates and Instagram photos from the beach at no additional cost.

Adam Hester/Adam Hester

This means that unless you're planning a trip to Norway, Iceland, Switzerland or the Balkans you won't need to worry about a high phone bill on your return from a European holiday.

Wikimedia Commons / Jim Waterson

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He always takes a nap after writing a bubble-tea-shop takedown.

Here's something interesting: A new study suggests that you're more likely to tear into your local pizza parlor if you had to walk in the rain to get there. Researchers from the Georgia Institute of Technology and Yahoo Labs took a look at online customer-review data gleaned from sites like Citysearch, TripAdvisor, and Foursquare to determine that very cold (less than 40°) and very hot (more than 100°) temperatures correspond to the "most negative reviews," the New York Times reports.

After running the numbers — some 1.1 million reviews of 840,000 restaurants written between 2002 and 2011 were taken into account, representing all 50 states — several interesting trends emerged from the models. Sushi restaurants routinely outperformed hamburger places, and consistently sunny and breezy places had a greater number of excellent reviews, while reviews from perpetually drizzly cities like Seattle had the greater tendency to suppress superlatives. (Take a look at the abstract here.)

"The best reviews are written on sunny days between 70 and 100 degrees," researcher Saeideh Bakhshi tells Science Daily. It's long been known that restaurateurs see a steep drop-off in business on frigid and sweltering days (when people would rather not leave the house). This data suggests, however, that diners tend to be more critical in inclement weather — the same lousy weather that should prompt owners to pay even more attention when customers take refuge inside their restaurants.

Online Reviews? Keep This in Mind [NYT]
Demographics, Weather and Online Reviews: A Study of Restaurant Recommendations [Yahoo Labs]

Read more posts by Hugh Merwin

Filed Under: everyone's a critic, online reviews, scientific studies, yelp

Get ready to hoof it, Greenpoint.

The MTA is cutting G train service for five weeks this summer.

The agency’s assistant director, Andrew Inglesby explained that the crosstown service will not stop at Court Square, 21st Street and Greenpoint Avenue from July 26 to September 1, Labor Day. At a town hall meeting on Thursday night, he explained that the tunnel still needed a second wave of repairs to damages from Hurricane Sandy.

“We decided to do it in the summer when there are less riders,” he told a full house of North Brooklynites convened by State Senator Daniel Squadron.

To appease them, the MTA is dispatching free shuttle buses along two routes: one from Court Square to Nassau Avenue, and another one to Lorimer Street. The L and M trains will also depart more frequently during the rush hours, according to Ally Bechtel of the MTA’s operations planning unit.

As an alternate mode of transit, Lydia Downing of the NYC Economic Development Corporation chimed in to suggest the ferry, before admitting that the India street landing was still down after it collapsed this winter.

Long-time residents threw in another idea. “We only have four cars on the G,” balked a bespectacled woman in the back. “Are you planning to add three or four more so we’re not all crammed in?”

“It’s a safety hazard, people running down the platform—you pray that they don’t trip over,” said Erica Matechak, a fourth-generation Greenpointer.

Speaking to the Observer, she worried that green-lighted housing projects might bring an even bigger influx of population to the gentrifying neighborhood. “There’s Greenpoint Landing, which has ten 40-storey buildings planned, not to mention the proposed developments on the old Domino Sugar Factory. Do they expect all those people to go on the ferry?”

It’s not easy being Greenpoint.

CARACAS, Venezuela -- Grappling with scarcities of sugar, milk, cornmeal and other basic foods, the Venezuelan government Tuesday unveiled a new electronic identification system for shoppers that critics say is a modern version of a ration card. President Nicolas Maduro described it as a means of “safeguarding food sovereignty.”

Facebook maps of sports fandom, such as the one Facebook just published about Major League Baseball, are one of my favorite things:

But as Will Oremus of Slate notes, this approach conceals important information. Facebook’s map, which identifies the team with the most “likes” in each U.S. county, might give you the idea that the Texas Rangers, Colorado Rockies and Minnesota Twins are exceptionally popular. Indeed, they are reasonably well-liked over a broad geographical area. But most of the counties in their territories are rural and have low populations. The problem is analogous to looking at maps of presidential election results by county, which might convey the impression that Mitt Romney won the 2012 election when he did not.

Another way to evaluate a baseball team’s popularity is to look at data from Google Trends.

Google Trends recently unveiled a beta feature in which it aggregates search terms into topics. For example, searches for “St. Louis Cardinals,” “Saint Louis Cardinals,” “cardinals baseball” and so forth, are grouped under the same topic heading. (The feature can also theoretically avoid false positives; for example, searches for “Texas Ranger” that were seeking information on the defunct television show will not be confused with those for the baseball team.) In most cases, this functionality seems to be quite smart; the topic “Miami Marlins” seems to pick up searches for “Florida Marlins” as well, as the team was known prior to 2012.

The chart below lists the number of Google searches for the topic associated with each MLB team. The figures listed are relative to the league average. (The Atlanta Braves’ popularity, for example, is listed as 1.14, which means that they are searched for 1.14 times as often as the average MLB club.) They reflect Google searches worldwide since 2004, except in the case of the Washington Nationals, where I’ve run the numbers from April 2005 forward, because the team played in Montreal before that time.

By Google searches, the Rangers have only about average popularity, while the Twins and the Rockies are below average. Conversely, the New York Mets, who didn’t win a single county in the Facebook map, are the sixth-most searched for team worldwide.

The most striking feature of the Google data, however, is the dominance of the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox. They are searched for 3.8 and 3.7 times, respectively, more often than the league average, and more than 10 times as often as the least popular teams.

The Yankees, of course, have a large population to draw from: There are roughly 20 million people in the New York metro area. How does each team’s Google search popularity compare to the size of its television market?

We make that comparison in the table below. I’ve listed each team’s popularity on Google, the relative size of its TV market (markets with two teams are divided evenly between them), and then taken the ratio between the two.

 

The Yankees rank third even by this standard. But the Red Sox are a clear No. 1 and are about three times as popular as you’d guess from the size of the Boston media market. The Cardinals, Cubs, Giants, Pirates and Reds also over-perform relative to their market size.

Red Sox haters might complain that the team’s market is much bigger than Boston alone: They are also the “local” team in the rest of New England (except for western Connecticut).

But extent to which a team’s popularity expands may have a lot to do with how well the team is run — and how often it wins. The Toronto Blue Jays theoretically have a whole country to themselves — but they are unpopular relative to the size of the Toronto market itself, let alone as compared to the population of Canada. The correlation between a team’s Google search popularity and its number of post-season appearances since 2004 is .62, a fair amount higher than that between its popularity and its market size (.38).

Performing worst relative to its population are the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I’m somewhat suspicious of this datapoint, however. There are so many variations on the team’s name (“LA Angels,” “Anaheim Angels,” “That Team With Mike Trout and 24 Other People”) that Google Trends might not be picking up on all the ways to search for them, even with its new-and-improved algorithms.

Fire up the nostalgia machine: There's a new Homestar Runner cartoon today for the first time since 2010. Three years and change is a long time for any franchise to be dormant, but for a web series, that might as well be a geological era. Today's update includes an appearance from Strong Bad, and though it does not technically include a Strong Bad E-Mail — once the internet's most precious source of humor — it does have our masked hero sitting at his trusty computer. Plus, there's a shout-out to the "old-timey"cartoons and a post-toon Easter egg. Tragically, the Cheat and Strong Sad do not make appearances. There's no indication that this will lead to any more updates in the near future, but if anyone's taking a poll, our vote is for a new "Teen Girl Squad" episode, please.

Read more posts by Margaret Lyons

Filed Under: the internet ,remember the early 2000s? ,homestar runner

Engage!

Paramount Television / Paramount Pictures / Adam B. Vary for BuzzFeed

The building was built by a former army helicopter pilot.

This is the Dreamy Camera café in Yangpyeong, South Korea.

REX USA/Park Sung-Hwan / Rex

The beautiful building is the brainchild of Park Sung-Hwan, a retired pilot.

REX USA/Park Sung-Hwan / Rex

He lives next to the café with his wife, also a retired army helicopter pilot, their 8-year-old daughter and family dog.

"We wanted a lifestyle where we could be there for our daughter and we think we found one that can be fun,” Park explained.

REX USA/Park Sung-Hwan / Rex

"I like taking pictures and my wife wanted to live in the countryside and likes coffee. So we open the camera-themed cafe in the countryside.

REX USA/Park Sung-Hwan / Rex

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View more daily cartoons, and visit newyorker.com for a new one each day.

Buy or license this cartoon.

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[Krieger, 10/27/11]
Young gun restaurateur Jason Wang is expanding his family's wildly popular cheap eats chain Xi'an Famous Foods to Greenpoint, Brooklyn. The eighth location of Xi'an will be housed in the former Polska Ksiegarnia bookstore space at 648 Manhattan Ave. Wang tells Eater that the menu will be the same as the other locations, and this outpost will have a backyard. If everything goes according to plan, Xi'an Greenpoint will open this summer.

In other Xi'an news, the East Village location is undergoing renovations, but it will reopen next month.
· Xi'an Famous Foods Coming to Manhattan Avenue [GG]
· All Coverage of Xi'an Famous Foods [~ENY~]

11 commercials, plus the above brilliant print campaign for a Swiss vegetarian restaurant. Story on VICE.

2048 [Free] has been storming up the charts on the App Store since its release and it seems like everybody’s talking about the game. It’s particularly disheartening when you know that Threes [$1.99] was released a couple of weeks prior to that. In both games you slide tiles on a board until either you win (for 2048) or you lose (for Threes). Even though 1024, another clone of Threes, was released first, it was 2048 that gained a huge following. There’s been no shortage of drama around it since the original creator of 2048 mentioned on Hacker News that he hadn’t even heard about Threes before making his game. As things evolved, his website has been updated and now states that it is “conceptually similar to Threes by Asher Vollmer”.

Sirvo has been fairly quiet about it up until now. Today they’ve released a huge article on the development of Threes featuring the 570 emails that the team sent to each other during that process. They explain how the concept was done quite fast but how they struggled with the mechanics, and much, much more. From a monster that was eating the tiles to the now popular “doubling” gameplay that was added 7 months after they started making it, you’ll be able to have an in-depth look at how they made Threes and at how difficult it is to make a game that feels so simple. I really recommend that you do read it, because it’s fascinating.

In any case, 2048 (and 1024 before it) perfectly illustrate how quickly clones can take over the App Store. Or, as the Threes developers put it, "We do believe imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but ideally the imitation happens after we’ve had time to descend slowly from the peak -- not the moment we plant the flag."

The man’s Instagram account will make you salivate.

Aziz Ansari / instagram.com

Aziz Ansari / instagram.com

Aziz Ansari / instagram.com

Aziz Ansari / instagram.com

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Starpocalypse will be at the Big Easy film festival! If you're in New Orleans and wanna see our dirty jokes on a big screen late at night, this is the place.

The New Lucky Restaurant in Ahmadabad, India is known for its popular menu, spacious seating, and also the exposed gravestones and burial sarcophagi that the tables are set up around.

When New Lucky owner Krishnan Kutti was faced with the fact that the land he was to open his new restaurant on was in fact a cemetery, he decided to capitalize on the dilemma. Instead of paving over the graves or disinterring them, Kutti simply built his restaurant around them, actually making the burial plots the main attraction. Steel bars have been erected around the graves so that no one will trod on the deceased, but other than that small protection, the dead are your dinner companions. No one is even sure who the graves belong to, but the prevailing theory is that they belonged to Muslim followers of a 16th century Sufi saint.

The displayed graves in the restaurant are not meant to be disrespectful or overtly morbid either. In fact, Kutti claims that eating in the presence of the dead good luck, or at least it has been for him as his business has flourished as a popular local hangout for more than a decade. Each morning the graves are cleaned and fresh flowers are placed near them out of respect.

The green stone coffins are scattered around the restaurant in a seemingly random pattern and customers must navigate their way to their tables among the dead. The New Lucky's name might seem ironic considering how many dead people are buried there, but if their business is any indicator the name fits perfectly.

• Zapadnoe Biryulevo I, 2011.
• Novye Mytishchi II, 2010.
• Pavshino I, 2011.
• Mytishchi I, 2010.
• Khimki I, 2011.
• Ochakovo - Atveevskoye I, 2009.
• Dzerzhinskiy IV, 2010.
• Pavshino V, 2012.
• Mitino I, 2009.
• Mar’ino III, 2010.
• Dzerzhinskiy III, 2009.
• Ochakovo - Matveevskoye II, 2011

For “Pastoral,” his latest project, the landscape photographer Alexander Gronsky took to the fringes of Moscow, the suburbs between Russia’s most populous city and the countryside that surrounds it. Gronsky, who says that he wanted to romanticize his subject, intentionally evokes the classic theme of man’s encounter with nature. Yet this reunion, achieved photographically through measured compositions and a deft use of color, remains an uneasy one: picnickers eat beside heavy industry, sunbathers lie out next to construction sites, and people stroll past piles of urban detritus.

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If you’re not yet convinced that Mikal Cronin is one of the world’s best guitar pop songwriters, there’s still time for you to change your ways! Before we cut you out of our lives forever because your opinions are just wrong! Please listen to his new single “Soul in Motion” so we can keep talking to you, and if you can still say honestly that he’s not totally awesome, we can go to counseling or something together and cry about it and try to stay friends. I mean, it’s an honestly fantastic song (following up a series of awesome songs LAMC’s been putting out on split 7″s recently) that’s guaranteed to get you grooving and singing along by the second listen if you have a pulse. Check it out – you can pick up the 7″ April 1.

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A low rise near the Kansas-Colorado border is home to Mount Sunflower, the highest point in Kansas, which is home to an outsider art shrine created by the ranchers who own the land. 

Located at 4,039 feet above sea level, the point is located on a working cattle ranch, owned by Ed and Cindy Harold, who made a sign and a tall sunflower out of railroad spikes to commemorate the spot. Next to the flower is a mailbox where visitors (who are encouraged to visit the spot) can sign a registration book to their journey. A tongue-in-cheek plaque was also placed at the shrine that states, "Nothing happened here in 1897." Looking at the area, one might also believe it.

Due to the gradual rise of the land surrounding the point on the "mount," the shrine seems to rest on level ground or even below the surrounding ground. However despite its looks, the point still holds the record for high spot by elevation. The rusting metal flower is one of the more eye-catching monuments on a state high-point and is a favorite among enthusiasts who make a hobby of visiting the record setting spots (they are known as highpointers).

Unfortunately a vandal severely damaged the site in 2011, but the sunflower still stands, as does the existence of Mount Sunflower.

You can have your favorite dish, and eat it too.

Because each restaurant varies in their use of ingredients and recipes, these dishes are not guaranteed to be gluten-free wherever you go. But these are some of the best gluten-free options. When in doubt, always ask to see ingredients.

Randy Mayor viamyrecipes.com

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Hint: It’s kind of like speed dating.

So when you go whale watching, there is some degree of waiting.

Disney / Via leftphalange.tumblr.com

And then all of the sudden you're like, HOLY CRAP A SPLASH AND IT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND WHAT THE HELL!

Chelsea Marshall for Buzzfeed

Then a gray mass comes out of nowhere again (except not really nowhere because you are in his territory so back off).

Chelsea Marshall for Buzzfeed

And nothing is left behind but a big ol' whale footprint...

Chelsea Marshall for Buzzfeed

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Eleanor Davis is a cartoonist and illustrator. She recently drew the Google Doodle for the first day of spring.

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