Steve Dyer

Elizabeth Banks is set to make her directorial debut with the sequel to Pitch Perfect, THR reports. Banks originated the idea for the first movie, a comedy about college a cappella groups, and also co-starred in and produced it. Kay Cannon is returning to write Pitch Perfect 2, and Banks will also be reprising her character. Stars Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson are also expected to return. Though Banks has never directed a feature before, she has previously directed shorts for Funny Or Die and the American Heart Association and a segment in the anthology film Movie 43.

Steve McQueen — the one who is alive and directed 12 Years a Slave — interviews Kanye West for Interview Magazine and it is kind of amazing.

So you talk about doing all of these other things, which is great, but there’s really no amount of money that could make you more influential than you are now. So my question is: What are you going to do with all of the influence that you have right now?

Well, influence isn’t my definition of success—it’s a by-product of my creativity. I just want to create more. I would be fine with making less money. I actually spend the majority of my money attempting to create more things. Not buying things or solidifying myself or trying to make my house bigger, or trying to show people how many Louis Vuitton bags I can get, or buying my way to a good seat at the table. My definition of success, again, is getting my ideas out there…You know, people say things about creativity and jobs and every 10 years, blah, blah, blah. But I don’t have a desire to not continue making music. When I left Chicago and moved to New York, it wasn’t because I didn’t love Chicago; it was because I needed to go to New York. So right now, I’ve got other innovations and other thoughts that I want to pursue. As I was saying earlier, I create like a 3-year-old. When you’re 3, you wake up one morning and say, “I wanna ride a bike.” And then the next day, you wake up and say, “I wanna draw.” I don’t want to be in a situation where, because I was good enough at riding a bike one day, then that’s all I can do for the rest of my life.

My personal favorite part of the interview comes right after, when Kanye apologizes to McQueen for using a film metaphor (“I feel like I’m working with better cameras”) and pinpointing what I did not know was a pet peeve of mine all along:

Steve, please forgive me because I feel like it’s super-patronizing whenever someone does an analogy or a metaphor that relates to the field that you currently work in…I’m sorry. I find it super-insulting whenever people give me a music analogy. It’s like, “You know, I would have understood it if you just said it in English. You didn’t have to put it in music terms, like you somehow know more about music or I would understand it better if it were in music terms.” So please forgive me for putting that in film terms. I mean, talking about film to Steve McQueen …

I mean, okay, the best part is when he says he coped with the post-Taylor Swift incident blues with “god, sex, and alcohol,” but I also liked that.

Photo: Peter Hutchins

Maria Konnikova investigates what makes Internet articles go viral:

[Researchers Jonah] Berger and [Katherine] Milkman found that two features predictably determined an article’s success: how positive its message was and how much it excited its reader. Articles that evoked some emotion did better than those that evoked none—an article with the headline “BABY POLAR BEAR’S FEEDER DIES” did better than “TEAMS PREPARE FOR THE COURTSHIP OF LEBRON JAMES.” But happy emotions (“WIDE-EYED NEW ARRIVALS FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE CITY”) outperformed sad ones (“WEB RUMORS TIED TO KOREAN ACTRESS’S SUICIDE”). Just how arousing each emotion was also made a difference. If an article made readers extremely angry or highly anxious—stories about a political scandal or new risk factor for cancer, for example—they became just as likely to share it as they would a feel-good story about a cuddly panda.

The “new and improved” headline seen above was generated a new Chrome app called Downworthy:

In order to combat the endless stream of clickbait, Downworthy takes commonly used phrases and replaces them with much more realistic and honest versions. “Literally,” for example, becomes “Figuratively”; “Epic” becomes “Mundane”; “Will Change Your Life Forever” becomes “Will Not Change Your Life in ANY Meaningful or Lasting Way.” It might not be the most pretty commonplace thing to exist on the face of the Earth, but it’s pretty great nonetheless.

The headline for Konnikova’s article was also given the Downworthy treatment:

Previous Dish on click-bait here.

imthepinkukulele:

I just have a lot of love for this gif.

ahsadler:

cavebae:

how making out works

[furiously taking notes]

bigfatbeckoningcat:

harleys:

I’m laughing until I cry at this gif someone please help me its 4 am

THIS IS NOT THE ADVENTURE FINN WANTED

vvhatserface:

vvhatserface:

KITTY. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE

The one thing I noticed about these is that they all cost more than $90, which is way more than what I’m willing to pay for a kettle. My old kettle had cost me something like $10 from K-Mart. I wasn’t very willing to part with so much money for a kettle. So I decided to look for a cheaper version – I was willing to forgo the temperature control – afterall, I had been using a manual thermometer for years and it didn’t affect my making tea or coffee.

My housemate had also mentioned earlier that she would not prefer a plastic kettle and would prefer something metal. And so I went to look for normal electrical kettles. To my frustration – all the basic kettles cost roughly the same price: $39. The branded ones cost slightly more, and the non-branded ones cost slightly less. Why in the world would it cost so much? A kettle is not something difficult to build. The most difficult part is the grounding of it – which metal kettles are in sore need off, lest they give you an electric shock. But it’s really not that difficult to build a kettle, nor does it cost that much.

Chewxy, a “startup guy” and economist based in Sydney, Australia, wanted to know why temperature-controlled electric kettles cost more than $90. In search of an answer, he took his $10, plastic, non-temperature-controlled electric kettle apart, thought about the cost of individual pieces, and calculated profit margins. His post is so nerdy and considered and I love it.

Photo: WCK

Most recently in this series of unspeakable torments: Book Club.

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie (work)
From: Ali
Date: December 7, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Ladies!!!!

SO as everyone knows New Years Eve is my signature event!!! In years past, I would have been sending out save-the-dates in the early spring. But I actually have some news!

Mike & I broke up. It was 10000% mutual. I was doing a combo The Art of War/Why Men Love Bitches/October Cosmo’s “How To Keep A Man Interested Using These 40 BJ Tips,” but none of it worked. I’m just dealing with a lot of wrecking balls coming at me right now.

But like I said when I got mono while playing Mimi in Rent at Stagedoor Manor, the show must go on!!!!!

I’d like to do something supes low-key this year. Sometimes before we can YOLO we need to CHOLO (Concealing Heart Outrage (through) Laid-Back Outings). Think we need to stay local. Ja feel?

Idea:

Penthouse Party

Lets make this happen ladies. Who you kiss at New Years determines the rest of your entire year. Let’s make 2014 a winner.

Loves,

Ali

“All I can do is live in each moment. I don’t have control over tomorrow.” – Lindsay Lohan, interview with Oprah, August 2013

—-
To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie (work)
From: Katie
Date: December 7, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Ladies,

Let me first of all say: where has the time gone?

Al – are you okay? I am so sorry to hear about you and Mike. I mean, let’s be honest, when you met him we all kind of were like, sure Ali, another UVA Lax bro with khakis and an overwhelming amount of Patagonia in his closet, what else is new (but really), but Mike really seemed different!! He was so patient with you <33 I am sorry he broke up with you…….wish I was there with you tonight to be your Charlotte if this was the episode where Carrie gets arrested for smoking weed post-post-it breakup lol. Love you. You will get through this!!!!!!!! Do you wanna do yoga? I forget, do you eat when you’re sad or starve when you’re sad???

In terms of New Years, I thought we were going to do something BIG and AMAZING this year…but CHOLOing sounds okay too…can we still wear sequins?????

xoxoxo,

Katie

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can’t hold us

Like the ceiling can’t hold us — MAckLE.MoRE

—-
To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie (work)
From: Nicole
Date: December 7, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Ali + my babes,

Are you okay??? Should we do a brunch????

Nicole

—-
To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie (work)
From: Ali
Date: December 7, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Thanks girls :) Honestly, I feel like Magic Mike when wore his smart glasses and got turned down for that loan and then he put all his energy into dancing his heart out to Ginuwine’s Pony, you know? Anyway, our New Years will be my Pony dance. So where do we stand on penthouse invites???

XO

Ali

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” – Carrie Bradshaw

—-
To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen; Ali
From: Gracie (work)
Date: December 7, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Aww, hope you’re ok. Did you get my text? Do you wanna get coffee later and talk? Seriously, we’ve all been through this.

For New Years – my friend Patrick is having a party at his apartment. We can all just stop by — it’s in Park Slope. Should be really fun and laid back. Cards of Humanity, anyone! :)

Just let me know who’s in, so I can give him a headcount!

Can’t wait,

Gracie

 —-
To: Nicole; Allison; Gracie (work); Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen; Ali
From: charlotte.smith857@gmail.com
Date: December 10, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Is Park Slope in Queens??

What if we did like, Meatpacking?

xoxoxox <3 xoxoxox

   c h a r l o t t e

 —-
To: charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Allison; Gracie (work); Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen; Ali
From: Nicole
Date: December 11, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Hi Girlies!!

I’ve sort of been overextending myself with the Christmas presents this year. Been hitting Gilt pretty hard BUT I am saving upwards of 10% versus the retail price so that’s good! But one of my resolutions was to live 1.5 times within my means. So I think Gracie’s friends party sounds perfect!!!

But at the same time meatpacking sounds SOOOO fun!! How many times are we gonna celebrate 2014 you know? Maybe I can qualify for a microloan?? Can Americans qualify too??

I’m so torn. It’s so hard to know how we should bring in 1/1 when we won’t know what Susan Miller says till 1/1 anyway. #AhhhIt’sSoHardIDon’tKnowWhatToDo #ButILoveMyBBs

Anyway, down for whatevs!

xo Nicole

—-
To: charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Allison; Gracie (work); Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen; Nicole
From: Ali
Date: December 12, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Aw, while I am nursing a wounded heart, it is so sweet how much you guys need me and want me to take control!!

OK, I’m thinking super low-key and I can’t even LOOK at guys now but, it’s NYE and OF COURSE we’ll want to bring it in with a midnight kiss and possible #OverThePantsHJs!

How about:

Macklemore at Dream Downtown (high chance for a Linds Lohan sighting — but do we really wanna open ourselves up to all that drama??)

Lounge at Tao Downtown??

Soho House?? Ehh, pretty Real Housewifey BUT we’ll be the youngest ones there??

Gracie’s Brooklyn option (Ubers will be like $1k to get back to civilization, but if you guys REALLY want to meet like graphic designers and bloggers, sadface but OK)

LMK by COB!

xoXinfinity,

Ali

“Well, when you sail on a boat fit for a bond villain, sometimes you need to play the part, right?” – Jordan Belfort, Wolf of Wall Street

“Thou shall leave history in the past” – Patti Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker

—-
To: charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Allison; Gracie (work); Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Ali; Nicole
From: Jen
Date: December 13, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

I vote for Manhattan cause will be more fun and glamorous!! Plus it’s such a pain to get home. Let’s take Ubers then complain on twitter about the surge pricing and I’m sure they’ll refund us! Uber will not want our bad press–collectively we can leverage over 750+ social media impressions!

Possible hashtags:

#2013CANSUCKIT

#2014BetchesLOL

xx Jen!

—-
To: charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Allison; Jen; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Ali; Nicole
From: Gracie (work)
Date: December 13, 2013
Subject: 2014 BITCHES!!!!!

Hey all,

I think I may sit this New Year’s Eve out. There’s an 11:30pm-12:30am yoga class that I think might be fun, and then my sister is still in town from Christmas so I may meet her at a quiet bar uptown for a quick glass of champagne after.

Hope you all have fun!

Gracie

Ps – not sure the Uber plan will work, just looking out for you guys! it can get $$$.

—-

Read more Hey Ladies: New Year’s Eve Fallout at The Toast.

20 Things That Actually Exist

Are you afraid of babies? Get ready for your worst nightmare:

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

via

Previously: The invisible signs of aging.

Increased memory elegance

Skin retention

Night smiling

Heart becomes a graceful willow tree

Stress levitation

Perfect body image

Peaceful ears

Total wrist awareness

Jet stream reversal

Increased murmuring

Skull vibrations

Face becomes more symmetrical

Back pleasure

Lyrical driving

Appearance of small gold pyramids

Brain improvement

Total openness

Throat joy

Oaks wither at your approach

Better intentions

Moon-induced ferocity

Increased vein smoothness

Moral fiber

Respect from hawks

Hair loosening

Fingernail strength

Ability to evade the Devil on the highway

Read more Signs You’re Getting Too Much Sleep at The Toast.

In a week, I’ll fly to London for a month to film a pilot I co-wrote with Sharon Horgan for Channel 4. We wrote it and we’ll star in it. Channel 4 will broadcast it in the UK later this year. 

grawly:

kootiepie:

saki-hyuuga:

gangbanglerfish:

WAIT, HOW OLD ARE JESSIE AND JAMES!????

did some of you guys really think they were older than 18

what the FUCK

If you give a mouse a cookie,
your life will no longer be your own.
You will never again know peace;
you have already given in.
He’s going to ask for a glass of milk
and you will give it to him,
because you are incapable of acting in your own best interests.

When you give him the milk (just say no, no is a perfectly reasonable response; why won’t you say it?)
he’ll probably ask you for a straw.
And you will give him one, you disgusting, craven clot of weakness.
When he’s finished, he’ll ask you for a napkin.
Then he’ll want to look in a mirror
to make sure he doesn’t have a milk mustache.
If you were to look in the mirror,
you would see nothing; you barely exist.

When he looks in the mirror,
he might notice his hair needs a trim.
(The mouse is real in a way that you were never real.)
So he’ll probably ask for a pair of nail scissors.
Get them; that is all you are good for, to fetch and be asked to fetch.
When he’s finished giving himself a trim,
he’ll want a broom to sweep it up.
(You have always brought him a broom when he asks for one.)

He’ll start sweeping.
(Was this house ever yours?)
He might get carried away and sweep every room in the house.
He may even end up washing the floors as well!
He is a good homeowner; he washes his own floors.
You are a shadow; you do not exist without him.
When he’s done, he’ll probably want to take a nap.
You’ll have to fix up a little box for him
with a blanket and a pillow.
You are a pair of hands and nothing more.

He’ll crawl in, make himself comfortable
and fluff the pillow a few times.
He’ll probably ask you to read him a story.
(He will never thank you for this, if thanks be what you are waiting for.)
So you’ll read to him from one of your books,
(they are not your books, they never were)
and he’ll ask to see the pictures.

When he looks at the pictures,
he’ll get so excited he’ll want to draw one of his own.
Do you remember excitement? (You do not.)
He’ll ask for paper and crayons.
He’ll draw a picture.
When the picture is finished,
he’ll want to sign his name with a pen.
He has a name; you have nothing; you deeded the house over to him years ago. You sit in the walls uselessly and you wait.

Then he’ll want to hang his picture on your refrigerator.
Which means he’ll need Scotch tape.
why did you ever let him in to begin with
He’ll hang up his drawing and stand back to look at it.
Looking at the refrigerator will remind him that he’s thirsty.
So… he’ll ask for a glass of milk.
You’ll sob a little, or choke on a sob,
But you’ll say nothing, and you’ll get it for him.
And chances are if he asks you for a glass of milk,
he’s going to want a cookie to go with it.
It will never be over. He will never go.
He will never sleep. You will not say no.

Read more If You Give A Mouse A Cookie at The Toast.

Archer creator Adam Reed has a radical departure planned for the upcoming fifth season of the animated FX comedy. In an interview with Uproxx, one of the show's producers, Matt Thompson, reveals that the new season, which debuts January 13th, will find Archer and his ISIS cohorts leaving spying behind to become cocaine dealers in a new city. Here's how Thompson explained the big change:

That came about frankly because Adam got bored. He is the sole writer of the show and he felt like he was spinning his wheels at some point … You’re going to see in the very first episode of this season that all these years that Malory’s in control of ISIS, and they’ve been doing all these covert operations — kind of like the CIA or whatever — that that was never legal. She was just contracting out this stuff, kind of like Black Water or whatever, and in the first episode of the season the government comes in and shuts them down, throws them all in jail.

Check out more of Matt Thompson explaining Archer Season 5 changes below:

They eventually get out of jail but it’s with the understanding that they can never go back to ISIS headquarters. That’s been confiscated. They can never be spies again … At the very end of episode one, they realize from their various operations — for whatever reason — they have one ton of cocaine and they decide that they’re going to sell it. They’re just going to sell a ton of cocaine and everybody’s going to become a multi-millionaire and retire … As you might expect, they are not so successful at selling one ton of cocaine. We end up for a large part of the time in Colombia, then a fictional nation, then another fictional nation in Latin America, just trying to sell cocaine to people …

Cheryl needed a different motivation than everybody else. Cheryl’s rich as shit … What Adam came up with is he wants to turn her into a country music star. So she is now “Cherlene.” She’s on the road. She’s doing country songs, and we’re actually putting out a country album with the show this year. Not a joke. A country album… [The] relationships all still exist how they were, but it’s just now all geared towards either A) Selling Coke or B) Making Cheryl Famous.

Few things in life are certain, but there is one area of human behavior I fancy myself something of an expert — in fact, I rate my own judgment in this area so highly that I can confidently claim to predict the response of every conscious being with 100% accuracy, should you find yourself in a wagering mood. This is a social experiment that will require a little effort on your part, but I guarantee you will find events unfold exactly as I predict. Humans are all alike in this way.

Step the first: Visit a friend who owns a cat at a time when both cat and human are at home.

Step the second: Wait to be introduced to the cat, or for the cat’s name to be brought up in some slightly more organic fashion.

Step the third (this is crucial): At some later point in the conversation, refer to the cat by an incorrect gender.

Step the fourth: Wait. No one – no one – will let this minor, harmless error go. Every living, breathing person on this planet will immediately respond with “Actually, [s]he’s a boy/girl.” Everyone will say this. It does not matter if they are not the sort of person ordinarily given over to correcting others in conversation, or if they are particularly fond of their particular cat, or if they are the most gender-neutral, open-minded pansexual who ever went by “xie/xirr.”

They will tell you that you have misgendered their cat, even though cats do not appear to have visible genitals in the first place, and in all likelihood their cat was neutered years ago. Most likely their cat has never once engaged in the act of copulation. Their cat does not wear clothes or feel defined by societal gender roles. For all practical purposes, their cat has no gender. The gender of a cat is one of the least important things in the world. If this cat were to somehow transform, Tiresias-like, from male to female in the next instant, it is highly likely that nothing about its (or its owner’s) life would change a jot. And yet people cannot resist from adhering to a course of strict and constant accuracy when it comes to the gender of a cat. It is inexplicable.

Misgender a fish or a bird and it is likely you will hear nothing. No one can misgender a dog; female dogs have those unsettling little nipple-pellets running along the length of their midsections and science has not yet found a way to make dog penises invisible. But misgender a cat and you will never have a moment’s peace til your error is corrected.

I do not pretend to know why this is. I do not know what good it will do you to know this. But it is true, and perhaps that is enough.

Read more Predicting Human Behavior With 100% Accuracy: Misgender a Cat at The Toast.