Steve Dyer

felixkitty:

netbug009:

GUYS THIS IS KIND OF A HUGE DEAL

IF YOU STILL THINK THIS MOVIE IS GONNA BE A DUMB MERCH-MOVING GIMMIK I DON’T WANT TO EVEN TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Jonathan Rottenberg suggests that a “keen awareness of what has gone wrong and what can go wrong again can help a person avoid similar stressors in the future”:

In humans the value of low mood is put to the fullest test when people face serious situations in which current problems need to be carefully assessed. We might think of the groom who is left at the altar, the loyal employee who is suddenly fired from his job, the death of a child. If we had to find a unifying function for low mood across these diverse situations, it would be that it functions like a cocoon, a place to pause and analyze what has gone wrong. In this mode, we will stop what we are doing, assess the situation, draw in others, and, if necessary, change course.

A variety of experimental data have shown that low mood confers benefits to thinking and decision making. That lends credence to the idea that mood is part of a conservative behavioral guidance system that impels us toward actions that have been successful in the past—meaning, actions that helped our ancestors to reproduce and spread their genes. One way to appreciate why these states have enduring value is to ponder what might happen if we had no capacity for them. Just as animals with no capacity for anxiety were long ago gobbled up by predators, without a capacity for sadness, we and other animals would likely commit rash acts and repeat costly mistakes. Physical pain teaches a child to avoid hot burners; psychic pain teaches us to navigate life’s rocky shoals with due caution.

No one in the North America had heard of Panti Bliss three days ago. Now this Irish drag queen—Ireland's most famous drag queen—is all over our blogs, our Facebook pages, our news programs, and our Twitter feeds.

@PantiBliss Hello from Canada. We've got queens but maybe not so eloquent as you. Brilliantly said. You're all over Facebook here and beyond
— Michael Seven (@MRM7) February 5, 2014

Here's what happened: Rory O'Neill—the man behind (inside?) Panti Bliss—went on an Irish current events program and when the conversation turned to homophobia, O'Neill called out some noxious Irish homophobes after the program's host asked him to name names.

O’Neill gave an unequivocal answer, name-checking Irish Times columnists John Waters and Breda O’Brien, as well as Catholic think-tank The Iona Institute, as those he believed worthy of that description. Many audience members may have been heard cheering and clapping their approval, but those mentioned were significantly less enthused and began legal action against RTÉ and O’Neill on the grounds of defamation as they weren’t homophobic.

Here's notorious non-homophobe Waters on gay marriage: "This is really a kind of satire on marriage which is being conducted by the gay lobby. It’s not that they want to get married; they want to destroy the institution of marriage because they’re envious of it…" Here's noted non-homophobe Breda O’Brien on civil rights protections for LGBT people: " Equality must take second place to the common good." The Iona Institute, for it's part, opposes civil rights protections for LGBT people and is leading the fight against gay marriage in Ireland—a fight that these noxious homophobic shits are losing—and Iona traffics in distortion, fear-mongering, and misrepresentation, like our very own NOM.

The television network that aired O'Neill's interview, RTE, instantly caved and paid this nasty little collection of slimy homophobic shits €85,000—$114,000—by way of settlement. Everyone can see what's going on here: this is a transparent effort on the part of these homophobic shits to intimidate and shut up a popular and charismatic voice in Ireland's movement for LGBT equality. The haters at Iona are also attempting to set the parameters of the debate: they can say all the hateful things they like, no one is allowed to call them haters. Straight newspaper columnists quickly weighed in. They scolded the homophobes for their bullying tactics and called them out for attempting to stifle free speech—no, wait. Straight newspaper columnists scolded Panti Bliss for calling out these shitty, hateful homophobes on their shitty, hateful homophobia. Panti was being insufficiently civil, they said, to a person who has accused her and other gay people of trying to destroy the institution of marriage out of spite.

I hadn't heard about any of this—I don't think anyone in the states had—until Panti was invited to address the controversy at the Irish National Theater last weekend. If you're not among the 250,000 people who've watched the video already, you need to watch it. If you've already watched it, watch it again. It's amazing. Rory is amazing. Panti is amazing.

So consider this post a thank you note to shitty bigot John Waters and shitty bigot Breda O’Brien and all the shitty bigots at the Iona Institute. Thank you for bringing Panti Bliss to our attention. Thanks to your stupidity and Rory "Panti Bliss" O'Neill's eloquence, Panti has gained an international following. And if you shitty motherfuckers are dumb enough to sue Panti, know this: she not only has thousands of supporters in Ireland, she has thousands of new supporters all over the world. Myself included. And we will spread the word and we will raise money and we will call you shitty fucking homophobes without a moment's hesitation. Because you're a bunch of shitty fucking homophobes.

So congrats, you dumb fucking haters. You made that Irish drag queen an international superstar—and if you are stupid enough to come after her, you've made her an international cause célèbre.

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The early ’90s fad has seen a fascinating resurgence:

When the US military deployed soldiers to Afghanistan in 2001 for Operation Enduring Freedom, nickels and dimes probably weren’t important concerns. But soon, commanders realized that importing US coins for army purchases was, cumulatively, too heavy: there was simply no room for chump change in supply shipments.

In stepped the Army Air Force Exchange Service (AAFES), the Army’s merchandise supplier and foreign base exchange operator since 1895. On its website, the AAFES pledges to “go where you go in serving our troops worldwide.” And that they did: in November 2001, they brought pogs back into play and began shipping them to Afghanistan. They drastically reduced the weight of shipments: $100 in quarters (5 pounds, 1 ounce), was reduced to 14 ounces in equivalent pog currency. …

The pogs worked. Soldiers use them to this day to buy anything sold in the 181 AAFES department stores across 30 countries (and all 50 US states). In addition, the AAFES has partnered with over 1,000 major retail and food chains; pogs are now valid as a form of currency at Taco Bell, Cinnabon, Burger King, and Popeyes.

(Photo by Wikipedia user Lando242)

Every five years, scientists take a survey of the axolotl in ancient Lake Xochimilco, in southern Mexico City, the only place in the world where the amphibian still lives. In 1998 there were 6,000. In 2003 there were 1,000. In 2008 there were 100. And in 2013 there were 0. RIP axolotl, you delightful primitive weirdo.

The axolotl is a salamander, but a salamander that never undergoes metamorphosis from its tadpole stage to its adult stage, much like the millenial generation, am I right, sorry, jesus, that was awful, back to the axolotl. Neglecting to undergo metamorphosis means the axolotl demonstrates neoteny, which, creepily, refers to an animal that reaches sexual maturity without the need for a transformative maturing process like puberty. It looks mostly like an enormous tadpole, except with a few spindly useless limbs and goofy delicate external gill stalks. It can breathe air, sort of (it swallows it and pushes it through its gill stalks), but doesn't, mostly.

It's also all gone, in the wild. Since it's such a weird animal, it's no surprise that it needs a very specific sort of habitat: high-elevation freshwater lakes. Until, you know, it wasn't, it was restricted to only Lake Xochimilco, which has been steadily drained to reduce flooding and now more resembles a bunch of canals than an enormous lake. The Mexican Academy of Sciences, which conducts these bi-decade studies, says it's a little premature to declare it extinct in the wild, despite the fact that their study turned up not a single wild axolotl, and will embark on some quick new searches to attempt to find any stragglers.

The axolotl does survive in captivity, though. It has the ability to regrow limbs, which has proven fascinating for a generation of scientists reared on comic books (just kidding, scientists, do your research, it's very good), and the axolotl's general weirdness has made it a staple in the pet trade. There are some breeding and reintroduction programs, but, well, it's hard to reintroduce an animal to a habitat that doesn't really exist anymore. Anyway, so long, axolotl. You had a good run.

Photo by Orizatriz

The post Bizarre Perma-Tadpole Axolotl Now Extinct in the Wild appeared first on The Awl.

Scientists at NASA want to create a super-cold freezing chamber for normal reasons that have nothing to do with the rumored escapees from Arkham Asylum last night.

“Thompson says that he and his team of NASA scientists intend to lower temperatures in the lab to 100-pico-Kelvin, or  just “one ten billionth of a degreeabove absolute zero,” the temperature at which it is theorized, that thermal activity of all atoms ceases. The researchers theorize that when objects are exposed to the extreme cold temperatures in the Cold Atom Lab, new forms of matter will be created as the notion of solids, liquids and gases will no longer apply.

“For normal reasons,” Thompson continued, smiling fixedly. “For — for normal reasons. Normal, safe, very normal reasons.” He clenched his right hand into a fist, then trembled violently. “Ice is good and ice is safe.”

***

“Mysterious underwater eelgrass rings” are simply the result of ordinary, everyday poison. Nothing to worry about here, just poisoned circles lurking below the waves.

***

The starfish (thank God) are finally dying off: “Then they closely watch the progress of the disease. First, the stars twist their arms into knots, and sometimes lesions form on their skin. One of them was very sick, and the other two individuals started ripping themselves apart. The arms just crawl away from the particular body…The arms crawl in opposite directions, until they tear away from the body and their insides spill out. And unlike most starfish, the arms don’t regenerate. Stars that came in with symptoms died within 24 hours…But we still don’t know how they’re catching the illness or where it comes from.”

They know. They know, and they’re testing the limits of what they know, and they think our intelligence so mean they mock us by telling us what they are doing as they do it. They know where the illness comes from, and they know where it will go next.

Read more This Week in Science Lies at The Toast.

pizzaforpresident:

McDonalds Canada debunks the ‘pink goo’ myth and shows how McNuggets are actually made. 

Sometimes, you just miss home:

Monsieur le President est un cookie smart. Donc, il used le plus vieux trick dans le livre: il began par droning on pour ages et ages about les choses incroyablement boring, par exemple l’économie, et les projets d’infrastructure, et la France. Tres clever! Les journalistes anglais would soon être fast asleep!

But, non!

Mais then, désastre – dans le forme d’un journaliste du Télégraph, Monsieur Christopher Hope. “Est-ce que vrai que votre rumpy-pumpy a made la France un laughing-stock?” a dit cet rogue impertinent. “Est-ce que vous still having une affaire avec Julie Gayet, et do vous wish elle était ici maintenant?”

Monsieur Hollande wrinkled son nez, as if un fly a landed sur it.

Throwing a great Super Bowl party doesn’t have to mean shelling out for expensive, brand-name snacks. Your guests will “snap” up these fun and affordable treats. We guarantee there will be NFL (No Food Left) at the end of the night!

OT Tortilla Taquitos (Total cost: $6)

These Tex-Mex-inspired delights are suggestive of handcrafted tortillas made with fresh corn masa.

• 2 24-packs corn tortillas (6” diameter or smaller) ($3)
• 6 cups Canola oil ($3)

Roll up one tortilla inside another. Cut in half. Secure with toothpicks. Deep fry until golden brown.

Makes 48 taquitos. Vegetarian and gluten-free.

SeaBronco Unity Tartare (Total cost: $15.54)

When all is said and done, a Super Bowl party isn’t about who wins the game. It’s about sharing the experience with good friends. With this dish on the table, even the most fanatical fan won’t lose sight of that essential fact.

• 600g horse haunch (£9.28)
• Seawater
• 1 egg yolk ($0.25)

Cut horse haunch into ¼” cubes. Mix with a generous splash of seawater. Top with yolk.

Makes five large handfuls of tartare. The yolk symbolizes rebirth.

Touchdown Bean Dip (Total cost: $6)

Your guests will definitely do a weird little dance when they taste this dip.

• 2 15.5 oz. cans refried beans ($2)
• 1 can Crisco ($2)
• 1 large bag tortilla chips ($1.50)
• Iceberg lettuce, to dress ($.50)

Line serving platter with leaves of iceberg.  Mold refried beans into the shape of a football (tip: make the bottom flat so it sits steady on the platter.) Draw “laces” on your football using Crisco. Serve with tortilla chips.

Serves 14 or more. Don’t fumble!

Eleven-Man Nachos (Total cost: $17.50)

This team of flavors will tackle big appetites, and it’s bolstered by some of the most affordable canned items at the grocery store. Go get ‘em, boys!

• 1 large bag tortilla chips ($1.75)
• 1 16 oz. bag Mexican shredded cheese ($3.29)
• 1 8 oz. can water chestnuts ($1.01)
• 1 7 oz. can pickled sliced jalapenos ($1.06)
• 1 7 oz. can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce ($1.40)
• 1 2.25 oz. can sliced black olives ($1.34)
• 1 15.5 oz. can black beans ($1)
• 1 2 oz. can salted anchovies ($1.50)
• 1 2 oz. can capers ($2.20)
• 1 16 oz. jar Pace Picante Mild salsa ($1.98)
• 1 8 oz. container sour cream ($0.97)

Arrange chips in an oven-safe dish. Drain canned ingredients and arrange over chips. Distribute cheese evenly atop dish. Bake for 10-15 minutes at 350 F. Serve with sour cream and salsa.

Serves 5-10 extremely drunk people who don’t realize what they’re eating.

Whatever bullshit they tell you to do here (Total cost: $?)

Cleat Cake (Total cost: $6.48)

Give your party some traction with this old favorite.

• 2 Entenmann’s Coffee Cakes (2 for 1 at the day-old rack: $4.29)
• 1 box 5/16″ steel thumb tacks ($2.19)

Take off your shoes and put one on each cake, sole down. Cut around the contour of each shoe so that you’re left with two shoe-shaped cakes, one left-footed and one right-footed. Press the tacks, points up, into the surfaces of the cakes. Dig in!

Makes 1 pair of cleat cakes.

Sidelines Gatorade (Total cost: $12.15)

Football fans will love the refreshing boost of a tiny cup of Gatorade.

• 1 1-gallon bottle Gatorade 03984 Lemon-Lime liquid concentrate ($8.99)
• 1 200-pk. Dixie 3-oz. drinking cups ($3.14)
• 4 gallons tap water
• 1 5-gallon cooler

Get the old cooler out of the garage. Shake out the dirt and dead leaves, and pour in the concentrate and water. Mix. Serve in tiny paper cups. For an authentic sidelines experience, guests should crush cups after drinking and discard them haphazardly on the floor.

Serves: All your guests, over and over again.

Katie Hannon and William Foster are co-founders of 50/50 Global Solutions Unlimited.

• mary p. traverse
• (click to embiggen)

Draw A Dinosaur Day is a holiday celebrated on January 30th. The goal is as simple as its title: Draw A Dinosaur! You don't have to be a brilliant illustrator, just take a couple of minutes with a blank piece of paper, a post-it note or your computer and enjoy yourself.

My contribution (above) is a feathered deinonychus with crazy eyes, the same eyes my parents' dog gets when she's playing tug-of-war with you.

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any questions? [x]

Copyranter chronicles the storied history of Apple commercials and their sudden crappiness over the past few years.

Candy Kong - Donkey Kong’s rumored girlfriend. 
I was so sure she was his cousin. I have no idea why. But yes, okay, I can buy into that relationship.

Chunky Kong - Kiddy Kong’s older brother, Dixie and Tiny Kong’s cousin.
This seems reasonable.

Cranky Kong - Wrinkly Kong’s widower and elder of the Kongs. He is the original “Donkey Kong” from the 1981 arcade game of the same name.
WHAT
HOW IS CRANKY KONG THE ORIGINAL DONKEY KONG
HIS NAME ISN’T EVEN DONKEY KONG

Diddy Kong - Donkey Kong’s nephew. Dixie Kong’s boyfriend
Oh, wow, I was deeply sure he was Donkey Kong’s little brother. This is tough.

Dixie Kong - Tiny Kong’s older sister, Kiddy and Chunky Kong’s cousin, and Diddy Kong’s girlfriend
I definitely thought she was Kiddy’s sister — Kiddy was the one who wore the footie pajamas in DK3, right? — and Tiny’s cousin.

Donkey Kong - Cranky and Wrinkly Kong’s grandson, Diddy Kong’s uncle and best friend, Candy Kong’s rumored boyfriend and the ruler of DK Island.
OH MY GOD HIS GRANDSON
I THOUGHT CRANKY WAS HIS DAD
WHO ARE HIS PARENTS
WHO ARE DONKEY KONG’S PARENTS

Donkey Kong Jr./Baby Donkey Kong - Implied to be the current Donkey Kong or his father.
What

Funky Kong - Donkey Kong’s brother and friend of the Kongs.
They’re brothers? How is Funky Kong Donkey’s brother and Diddy is only his nephew? Funky and Donkey barely even talk.

Kiddy Kong - Chunky Kong’s little brother, as well as Dixie and Tiny Kong’s cousin.
Fine. Fine. That’s fine. That’s probably fine. Sure.

Lanky Kong - Distant cousin, described by Cranky as “a twisted twig on a distant branch of the family tree.”
This is perfectly reasonable.

Swanky Kong - Direct relation unknown (possibly a cousin of some sort to Donkey Kong).
Yes. I believe this. Finally getting back on solid ground, here.

Tiny Kong - Dixie Kong’s younger sister, Kiddy and Chunky Kong’s cousin.
Okay, okay, okay. So it’s Donkey Kong (parentage unknown) and Funky Kong who are brothers. Their nephew is Diddy; he has no siblings. One set of Diddy’s cousins are Dixie and Tiny. Another — separate — set of cousins are Kiddy and Chunky. Is this even close?

Wrinkly Kong - Cranky Kong’s now deceased wife and Donkey Kong’s grandmother.
WHEN DID SHE DIE I DON’T REMEMBER HER DYING THE LAST I REMEMBER SHE WAS SITTING IN HER LITTLE CAVE WITH ALL THE BANANA FAIRIES

Also: “Manky Kongs are enemies in Donkey Kong Country. They are the only Kongs in Donkey Kong Country that are an enemy. In fact, these orangutans are described as Kong reject orangutans, implying that they’ve been exiled from the Kong Family. This is due to their betrayal of the Primate Alliance during The Great Ape War.”

“Lanky looks very similar to Manky Kongs, but unlike them he is on the good side.”

Guys, it’s been a really hard week and this just put me over the top. Be gentle; be kind, explain this slowly to me.

[All information via Donkey Kong Wiki]

Read more The Donkey Kong Relationship Surprise Index at The Toast.

The State of the Union is tonight, and so here are The Guardian's Ana Marie Cox and Huffington Post political writer Jason Linkins to judge America through the lens of the White House's Flickr feed and its tireless photographer, Pete Souza.

Ana Marie: FLICKR…so much to catch up on

Jason: A whole year of the second term! Plus, Pete Souza is now the guy all the White House correspondents hate! They are like "PROPAGANDA"! And I'm kind of like, "Scoop, if true! Not very good propaganda, if scoop."

Ana Marie: Except did you see in all the interviews, people are like, "Well, I've worked with Pete, and he's great, but NYAH NYAH NYAH ACCESS HOG."

Jason: Who to root for? White House photographers who think they deserve a defining image of Obama eating lunch? Or Pete Souza and his many crutches? It's like this Chelsea/Manchester United game I'm about to watch only there is nothing actually at stake.

Ana Marie: [Insert knowledgable joke about soccer here.] I feel like in most White House coverage, nothing is at stake. As we have discussed, it is the beat is designed to disincentivize actual reporting.

Jason: Mutually assured meh.

Ana Marie: Well, this is awkward.

Jason: This is like the Doctor Who special where a bunch of Doctors Who appear in one episode to solve a big problem except in this case it's like "OMG NO, SOMEONE INVITED COLIN BAKER!" And you know the planet is doomed.

Ana Marie: I have trouble believing that Bush didn't try the "pull my finger" joke at least once on that trip. Maybe twice.

Jason: Michelle seems to be having a good time, though. I have a theory that when he's removed from situations where there are actual stakes, Dubya is actually really hilarious.

Ana Marie: I guess? I think his sense of humor probably doesn't get much beyond "That's what she said!" (and "pull my finger"). He was the Michael Scott of presidents. Only more wars. He'd be the loveable doofus jock except for the crimes against humanity!

Jason: Yeah, like I said it was the whole "doin' stuff where there was high stakes" that really did him in.

Ana Marie: I cannot get over how that baby looks like Ted Cruz.

Jason: Obama meets with the Senate Conservative Fund Babies.

Ana Marie: If Ted Cruz were really a small child, it would explain a lot.

Jason: Oh, I would love to meet a small child who is as haughty as Ted Cruz. That would be so adorable.

Ana Marie: Ted Cruz is Veruca Salt of senators. If he were three, then the tantrums would be more understandable. As would be his understanding of political negotiation and women.

Jason: "OHH!" **pinches cheek** "You just think you are the greatest thing since the combustion engine!"

Ana Marie: "MINE MINE MINE YOU SMELL BAD POOPY FACE" Which I think was his original debate team fall back position.

Jason: ANA YOU ARE GIVING ME TED CRUZ FILIBUSTER FLASHBACKS

Ana Marie: He ruined childhood for everyone.

Ana Marie: When I first read the caption, I read it as "the casual attire accounts for the excitement." Because otherwise there's not really an explanation for "Yay" arms. Obama's…on the phone with John Kerry? Unless he's about to hang up, I just don't see aides cheering for anything about that. Unless Obama is in the middle of *prank calling* John Kerry. Which I think could be hilarious.

Jason: Right, it's like Obama is saying, "Okay, John…well, John I better be going…yep, yep…Okay, John," and the other two are cheering him on.

Ana Marie: They decided who was going to have to talk to him by a round of rock paper scissors. "You call him." "NO, you call him." "I called him last time!" "Ok ok ok… [three hours later] Uh-huh, really? Ok, John. No, we're good. The chocolate there *is* delicious, but we're good. I have a watch. I have to go now, John…."

Jason: And that's when it hit Obama: "Guys, maybe we negotiate the terms of the Iran deal over several rounds of high stakes Rochambeau!"

Ana Marie: YOU ARE FULL OF REFERENCES I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I am but a simple midwestern girl now.

Jason: Hahaha, Rochambeau is another name for Rock-Paper-Scissors I thought?

Ana Marie: Oh, I did not know that. French. JOHN KERRY CALLS IT THAT.

Jason: OMG. Exactly! It's actually "Roshambo," but with Kerry on the brain I Frenchified it.

Ana Marie: Uh…this is just a picture of Denis McDonough's feet.

Jason: For those who are into that sort of thing.

Ana Marie: Now you can understand the arguments over Souza's access. It's not even a very good picture of Denis McDonough's feet? This is Souza just saying "fuck you" to every photographer employed by a news agency.

Jason: Basically.

Ana Marie: "Look guys, I take this access so much for granted I AM TAKING PICTURES OF FEET." NOT EVEN THE PRESIDENT'S FEET.

Ana Marie: I will give Souza this. Bo is in a lot more pix, it seems like. Though I don't like the look the President is giving him here.

Jason: The caption says, "Each morning, the President always enters through this door rather than the direct outside door to the Oval Office." YOU KNOW JUST LIKE AN ILLEGITIMATE USURPER.

Ana Marie: Also, "Bo was just hanging out in the Outer Oval Office when the President walked in…" would be a great first line to a children's book. Or a disgusting porn fantasy.

Jason: OMG, haaaa and GROSS and haaaa.

Ana Marie: "Bo was just hanging out in the Outer Oval Office" also makes me wonder about just how much access Bo has. AND WHO REALLY CALLS THE SHOTS.

Ana Marie: I want to like this shot but the faces of the boys on the right make me sad. I mean, left. To the right of Michelle. Who seems to be having a great time! Unaware of the psychological damage she's inflicting.

Jason: You know what? I think the boy in the purple shirt is like, "OMG I would prefer to be doing anything else right now," and his arms are all wrong, but the fact that he's actually working on placing his hands and fingers in just the right way belies a secret interest in this.

Ana Marie: I think he worries he's going to get graded.

Jason: The other kid is just "Nope." The girl in the third row, who ends up sort of being dead center in the shot, is straight killing it.

Ana Marie: Yes. Other kid is, in his mind, already doing other things. Okay I am charmed by getting-hands-right kid now. I have a backstory for him in my head that includes him taking Bollywood dancing classes in secret and then busting out the moves at prom. AND EVERYONE JOINS IN AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS MY MOVIE PITCH.

Jason: OMG that's actually a good fucking movie pitch I would watch the shit out of that.

Ana Marie: It would star the guy teaching the class as purple shirt's Bollywood Miyagi.

Jason: Maybe FLOTUS can cameo.

Ana Marie: Music by Cornershop!

Jason: OMG WHAT IF THIS MOVIE IS HAPPENING AND THIS IS A PICTURE OF IT?

Ana Marie: WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE!?!?!? Speaking of which…

Ana Marie: We're through the looking glass, Jason.

Jason: I can't believe Pete Souza hadn't gotten this shot before! He was probably like, "How have I never gotten this shot before!" Pete Souza is the Nicolas Cage of photographers.

Ana Marie: I don't know if you noticed the bust in the shot…ahem… IT'S LINCOLN.

Jason: I noticed it, and then I didn't want to have noticed it, and then I stopped being able to conjugate verbs! Pete Souza forces one into a new sort of Foucauldian conditional subjunctive.

Ana Marie: This is an image that conspiracy theorists in 2073 will be using to find lost messages in the Affordable Care Act. In "National Treasure 15: Secrets of the Death Panels!"

Jason: Nicolas Cage discovers an ACTUAL RISK CORRIDOR.

Ana Marie: DFOGJADSLKFGLKSADF

Jason: "I want to feel like I am the basketball, Bill."

Ana Marie: I don't know if I have a joke, it's just weird to see Obama as the short guy. It gives the image a much more plaintive feel.

Jason: Also weird to see Obama as the guy with the least amount of grey hair.

Ana Marie: Do you think he's whispering, "Help me with my jump shot, Bill? I need help."

Ana Marie: See, I like these. They seem really in love, not the strange loyalty/intertwined ambitions but sure, also love of the Clintons. The First Couple are clearly still very hot for each other. It's one of the most appealing things about them. Probably inappropriate to put it as "fuck like bunny rabbits." But I suspect they do.

Jason: Like very dignified bunny rabbits.

Ana Marie: There is only one caption for this, and it would be Sasha rolling her eyes.

Ana Marie: Michelle is starring in her own musical here. (ALSO PUPPIES.)

Jason: Is this a scene of Michelle Obama on the last day of Barack's term in office? I mean, she is gonna party so hard when she finally gets to leave DC.

Ana Marie: I dunno, I sort of see this as her busting out the version of the "Fame" theme song that she sings in the shower. "I feel it comin' together / People will see me and cry. Fame! / I'm gonna make it to heaven /Light up the sky like a flame. Fame!" And then she picks up a puppies and whirls around.

Jason: All those puppies are bonkers cute, my god.

Ana Marie: OMG I have that jacket! Which is cute too but not puppy cute or anything.

Ana Marie: Is it just me or are there a lot more photos with kids in the Souza portfolio these days? Is that a reflection on who's left that's still excited to be around Obama?

Jason: They are definitely the only demographic still excited to be around Pete Souza. I think this is a thing we've talked about? But after reading so many accounts where Obama talks about how the part of his life where he could experience a degree of anonymity is over, I suspect that children remind him of a time where people he encountered were honest with him.

Ana Marie: I bet he likes being around Bo and Sunny a lot more for that reason as well. Though dogs aren't honest so much as blindly loyal. Which, on second thought, might make him *more* uncomfortable nowadays.

Ana Marie: Some of the captions these days are pretty awesome: "Chief of Staff Denis McDonough throws a football in the air as the President met with senior staff in Denis's office to discuss the federal government shutdown and debt ceiling deadline. That football got a lot of use during meetings in September and October." That's so… tantalizing! "That football got a lot of use during meetings in September and October"! Use as… what, exactly? Because that's another children's book/porn divide.

Jason: Didn't we see the football in the early days of the Flickr feed?

Ana Marie: Maybe it's filled with scotch.

Ana Marie: Souza, just fucking with everyone now: "The President is literally framed through the arm of Chief of Staff Denis McDonough"

Jason: OMG, it's still not "LITERALLY." Fuck you, Pete Souza!

Ana Marie: I have never seen Pete Souza laugh maniacally but I imagine he does a lot. A LOT.

Jason: He knows what he did wrong.

Ana Marie: OH NOES! REALITY INTRUDES ON THE SOUZAIAN LAND OF PUPPIES AND FOOTBALL. The caption reads: "The faces of others give an indication of the President's mood at the conclusion of a meeting to discuss the problems associated with enrollment in the Affordable Care Act." And I guess Obama's own expression is TOO TERRIBLE TO BEHOLD? I feel like this could be a scene in a Bond movie, where the henchman have to report back to Blofeld.

Jason: Right, and Blofeld says something to the effect of, "You have one day to report back to me that the plan is proceeding, or that will be your last report to me." They leave, and Blofield strokes his cat.(The cat in this scenario is Joe Biden.) And Ron Fournier writes a column about what a great leader Blofeld is.

Ana Marie: And Biden purrs contentedly.

Jason: SO CONTENTEDLY.

Ana Marie: It's also true that Biden purrs contentedly most of the time.

Jason: Biden is like the cat who found the one patch of sun to lay in.

Ana Marie: Most VPs see the job as a booby prize. Biden sees the booby.

Ana Marie: Hey, Obama, trying desperately to recapture that feeling of not having the whole weight of the world on his shoulders!

Jason: True fact. The two people I can confirm they know by name at that Taylor Gourmet sandwich place are Barack and me.

Ana Marie: Tobias Funke is out of frame, I guess? I can say with some certainty that Bill Clinton has never blued himself.

Jason: Did you see that weird princess in a bubble?

Ana Marie: You mean Mike Allen?

Ana Marie: "SOON."

The post Our State Of The Union appeared first on The Awl.

iamaphenomenon:

untitledbcb:

onmydicklikeliquor:

better-than-kanye-bitchh:

chillingwithblueivy:

_{Wendy talking about Beyonce. — (x)}

i thought she didn’t like beyonce..

Jajajajajajaj ramdom acts of hate !!! Lol hahahaha

Yo but homegirl in the second row in the red obviously just lost a friend

peep the girl in the corner who got snatched up by her friend!!!

Anna Kendrick at the GRAMMYS (x)

She stood up, she was so nice, and she points to Jay-Z and was like, “Oh, we just watched you on the Kennedy Center Honors, you were so great. You were so cute in your little red dress.” And she said that I had a little red dress, which means that she actually watched it, or it means I was having a stroke and I imagined the entire thing.

Lyrics by totallyfubar [mp3]

hikaritandesu:

I DONT REMEMBER THIS PART OF MARIO PARTY