Lowfatdressing1012

There are certain questions we ask of ourselves that seem to always get us in trouble.  We ask them because they are sincere questions, yet what underpins them is all the more concerning.  Two in particular that come to mind:

Am I enough?

Am I worthy?

These questions were posed to me by a Leader in Cleveland (@Nazalee123) as ones she hears all to often from some of her members.  I’m well familiar with the second question partially because I ask it of myself fairly regularly.  But I asked her to elaborate on the first question:  am I enough?  Her response was that this was an umbrella for questions such as Am I strong enough to do this?  Am I thin enough?  Do I do the program well enough?  Do I work out enough?  Do I track enough?  Once I saw this, I understood exactly what she meant.

These questions seem to break down into two areas that are tightly intertwined:  1) a question as to whether we are worthy or capable of achieving our goals and 2) a feeling that we are never perfect enough on the program.

Question #1 (a big one):  am I worthy or capable?

We know from research that a huge predictor of future success on the Weight Watchers program, or any program for that matter, is whether we believe we can actually succeed.  In other words, if you believe you will succeed by simply following the program and sticking with it, you will succeed.  If you believe that you will most likely fail but owe it yourself to try one more time, there is a good chance that you will fail.  Psychologists call this effect “Self Efficacy”.

From the Psychology section of About.com (referencing the work of psychologist Albert Bandura).  The role of Self Efficacy is as follows:

Virtually all people can identify goals they want to accomplish, things they would like to change, and things they would like to achieve. However, most people also realize that putting these plans into action is not quite so simple. Bandura and others have found that an individual’s self-efficacy plays a major role in how goals, tasks, and challenges are approached.

People with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

• View challenging problems as tasks to be mastered
• Develop deeper interest in the activities in which they participate
• Form a stronger sense of commitment to their interests and activities
• Recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments

People with a weak sense of self-efficacy:

• Avoid challenging tasks
• Believe that difficult tasks and situations are beyond their capabilities
• Focus on personal failings and negative outcomes
• Quickly lose confidence in personal abilities

Reading from the above, it seems like self efficacy would be something all of us would like to have a little more of.  I would argue that an easier way of phrasing self-efficacy might also be to simply call it self-belief.  If we believe in ourselves, we will suddenly find ourselves achieving much more than we thought possible.  It’s one of the reasons why Weight Watchers meetings are so powerful.  When we are around other people who are trying to believe in the same thing (i.e., themselves), we are more likely to believe in our self.  It also speaks the role of positive reinforcement and achieving victories no matter how seemingly small.  I am, of course, understating the complexity and richness of this topic, but let’s call it a starting point.

Question #2 (also a big one):  am I perfect enough?

This question is one of the most frustrating ones that a Weight Watchers member can face.  I see it when people dig in so hard in an effort to be perfect on the program that it actually starts working against them.  For starters, it’s almost impossible to be “perfect” following any program.  Life is a little too chaotic and unpredictable for starters.  Secondly, we all have a tendency to believe that we are being incredibly precise in the way we track points, when in reality it’s easy to misestimate portion sizes, forget bites/licks/tastes, not realize what was included in the recipe, etc.  I’ve seen people make themselves crazy trying to be perfect on the program, working harder to achieve a greater level of precision.  The irony is that this rarely works.  The bigger irony is that they would have been much better off shaking it up and trying something different for a week or two (for example, do a week or two of Simply Filling).

By way of example, the PointsPlus program was never designed to allow us to “perfectly” know exactly how much we are consuming.  Rather, the program was designed to help us get things under control, become more mindful, be aware of our choices, etc.  It’s about nudging us toward healthier habits, not achieving mathematical perfection.  This has certainly been my own experience on Points (and now PointsPlus).  Frankly, I work for Weight Watchers, and I know that I’m a million miles from perfect when I count PointsPlus values.  I know that there are things that I’ve snacked on or grazed but failed to include.  None of these seemingly cardinal sins have prevented me from getting to my goal and staying there.  Precision has seemingly had nothing to do with either my successes or my failures.

At a higher level, what I have learned for myself is that the goal is to be a lot healthier than I was.  In my case, that’s a pretty low bar, but my point is that it’s much more about moving toward a sustainable, livable, healthier lifestyle.  The program is there to guide me, nudge me, encourage me, but the program is not the end.  It’s the means.

At an even HIGHER level, let’s all just admit that every single one of us is far from perfect.  We all succumb to temptation.  We all fall off track.  We all have bad days.  We all blow off the gym.  We all skip counting for a meal (or ten).  That’s not some of us, it’s all of us.  It’s what makes us human.  What also makes us human is our virtually infinite reservoir to get back up and jump into the saddle.  This is the power that makes us succeed.  Our inner strength and resilience holds the key to our success – not perfection.

Allow me to share an inspired piece of filmmaking to artfully illustrate the point.  The other day I was watching the movie “Pitch Perfect” (yes, I realizes that this makes me an official member of the estrogen nation) with my daughter.  One of the lead characters was so dogmatically seeking perfection in her acapella pursuits that she started projectile vomiting in the middle of a competition.  Only by learning to to loosen up and try different things was she able to achieve the pinacle of her dreams:  an NCAA acapella national championship trophy.

Southern fried hair band or poet philosophers? You decide…

In the words of the brilliant poets of 38 Special:

And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago,
Who told me
Just Hold On Loosely
But don’t let go
If you cling to tightly
You’re gonna lose control

So the next time you (or I) hear the evil voices telling us that we suck because we weren’t on program today, pull into that inner reservoir and tell that evil voice to put a sock in it.

Cheers,

Dave

So I am going to share an incredible and improbable story that has been almost a year in the making.  It started surreal, and ultimately ended up spectacular.

Last May, I was in Los Angeles for the “Weight Loss Boss” book promotion tour.  For reasons that I still don’t completely understand, I got booked on Extra.  I look nothing like Matt Damon, yet they still had me on.  Go figure.

I showed up for the taping at the Grove (a shopping mall in LA), prepared to do an exercise demo with our fitness expert, Jennifer Cohen.  In my mind, this made the taping already a little odd as I had to wear shorts and a t-shirt and then do something that looks a bit like a burpee on national TV.  What can I say?  There isn’t much that I wouldn’t do to get the WW message out into the world.

When I arrived, I was told that the Extra producer (Tammi Fuller — a veritable force of nature) had something extra (no pun intended) in mind.  They were going to grab a person off the street, have them join Weight Watchers and then ask me to be their mentor.  I was completely caught off guard and bewildered, but I impulsively agreed.

OK, that’s my story, but here is how it looked for my new mentee (not a word I realize).  A nice woman by the name of Sheila was minding her own business at the Grove shopping for lipstick.  She happened to notice that someone was giving out free vouchers for Weight Watchers at the mall.  She stepped forward and asked for one, and she was then pulled aside and asked if she would like to be mentored by the CEO of Weight Watchers and have her progress followed on TV.  I cannot for the life of me imagine what this must have felt like for her.  Were it me, I would have started to scream “fire” and run for the nearest exit.  Sheila took the other path, and simply said:  “sure, I guess.”

So try to imagine being Sheila, having been pulled off the street, asked to join Weight Watchers and then have her progress followed by over a million people.  Sheila and I were taken upstairs to a filming area above a restaurant at the Grove.  There, we were met by Sheila’s Weight Watchers Leader-to-be, Alicia.  Sheila was asked to stand on a scale and get her starting weight from Alicia.  Just like a regular Weight Watchers meeting except for the itty-bitty-minor-little addition of having a giant video camera trained on her and her number.  290 pounds.  Not exactly a confidential weigh in.  Frankly, I almost passed out in sympathy for her.  She then got her Getting Started Session (GSS for those in the know), and just like that, she began the Weight Watchers program.  The filming crew disbanded, I went to catch a flight and Sheila was probably wondering exactly what she had just stepped into.

The Extra! episode that I came out to tape was aired, but the material including Sheila didn’t make the cut (Extra! is only a 1/2 hour show and their segments are usually 1-2 minutes, so they have my full sympathies!).  My assumption was that the show changed its mind, and I didn’t have any expectation that there would be any future mention of Sheila on TV.  However, I felt that a deal was a deal, and I wanted to uphold my commitment to be Sheila’s mentor.  And so I did…

Over the next eight months, I would get an update from Alicia, Sheila’s Leader, on her progress.  I would usually send Sheila a quick email with an encouragement or congratulations of some sort.  She and I started corresponding on email, and I would try to offer useful advice whenever I could.  We also did a couple of Skype sessions along the way.

Sheila was going to her meeting pretty much ever week without fail.  She loved Alicia’s meeting.  None of the other members knew of the arrangement — in their eyes, she was just another member.  In truth, that was actually true.  Sheila was tracking all the time, she started to clean up her “spaces” at home, and she started working on her new “routines”.  She also started to exercise for the first time in a very long time.  It was hard at first, but it all started to take.  Sheila was losing weight regularly, by simply following the program and sticking with it.

There were definite moments of trepidation in Sheila’s journey as there are for all of us.  One of her first was a 10 day trip to Memphis, the land of eating big.  She was going to be with family and in an environment that she could not control.  Sheila first talked to Alicia, and she then spoke with me.  We both gave her the same advice:  try to stick to your new routines, meals, exercise patterns whenever and wherever you can.  Lo and behold, she came back from vacation and discovered that she had lost over three pounds.  She couldn’t believe it.

Over time, I noticed a lot of changes.  Most significantly, I watched her confidence grow and grow.  I would try to give her advice, and she would tell me, “Dave, I’ve got this.”

Sheila started the program on May 17 of last year.  I got word in January of this year that Sheila was getting ready to hit the 70 pound loss milestone.  I then received word that the producers of Extra! wanted her on the show.  I agreed (eagerly) to come out to celebrate her success on national TV.  Sheila was introduced to the world having lost 77 pounds in nine months.  She had become an entirely new person in less than a year.  The woman who never cooked was now regularly making her own healthy meals.  The woman who never exercised was now working out every day.  Sheila has now set the goal of running a half marathon this fall.

Sheila told me the story of how she used to dread seeing her doctor, who she loves, because she would be confronted with the fact that she was “morbidly obese”.  70 pounds later, and she was understandably eager to now see her doctor who was amazed by her progress.  She was rewarded further still when her doctor told her that she no longer needed to be on blood pressure medicine.  As someone who lost three loved ones to heart disease, Sheila could not have hoped for a bigger gift.

What I love about this story is that Sheila is exactly the kind of person that many people would have counted out.  Many would have said she was beyond help.  Instead, Sheila chose to make her own destiny.  She is now a healthier, stronger, more confident person for it.

I am indebted to Alicia for guiding Sheila in the way that only a Weight Watchers Leader can.  I am indebted to Sheila for showing me once again the possibilities of the human spirit in action.

Here is the tape from the Extra! show this week.  Watch and be amazed and try not to mock the stiff in the suit.

Cheers,

Dave

We’re often told that our liberties are under assault. The right warns that our Big Government nanny state is plotting to seize our guns and our Big Gulps, while strangling our economic freedom with taxes and regulations. The left rails against our Big Government security state—the drone warfare, indefinite detention and electronic surveillance that make the war on terror sound like an Orwellian nightmare. The National Rifle Association had just finished bellowing about background checks violating our Second Amendment rights when the American Civil Liberties Union started shrieking about the FBI violating the Boston bombing suspect’s Miranda rights. America was born from resistance to tyranny, and our skepticism of authority is a healthy tradition. But we’re pretty free. And the Don’t Tread on Me slippery-slopers on both ends of the political spectrum tend to forget that Big Government helps protect other important rights. Like the right of a child to watch a marathon or attend first grade without getting massacred—or, for that matter, the right to live near a fertilizer factory without it blowing up your house. Our government needs to balance these rights, which is tough sometimes. But not always. Requiring gun owners to pass background checks and restricting access to high-capacity magazines would be a minuscule price to pay to help avoid future Newtowns and Auroras. If the FBI waits a few days to read Dzhokhar Tsarnaev the Miranda boilerplate he’s already heard a million times on Law and Order, the Republic will survive, and the authorities might learn something that will help prevent another tragedy. (In fact, if America’s ubiquitous surveillance network hadn’t captured Tsarnaev on video, he might still be at large.) Even in a free enterprise system—especially in a free enterprise system—a factory owner’s right to run his business without government interference is trumped by the public safety rights of the local community. In the Obama era, Tea Party Republicans like Senator Rand Paul have portrayed the U.S. government as a threat to individual liberty, an oppressive force in American life. They just want government

Semi and faux tucking tops into jeans and trousers has revitalized belt sales. As a result, many of my “belt-phobic” clients are now wearing belts with the best of them. Skinny belts have virtually flooded the market, while wider belts are less popular at the moment. Personally, I prefer wider belts and wish there was a larger assortment in dressy styles. Perhaps next season. 

Below is a selection of both wide and skinny belts in neutrals and colours. Be sure to check all the colour options:

• Fossil Rivet Centerbar Belt: A skinny belt with polished bohemian hardware. It’s almost graphic.
• Kate Spade Reversible Printed Trouser Belt: I love patterned belts and this fresh floral screams happy warm weather. It’s fully reversible and made of leather. I’m pondering the pink. 
• Michael Kors 50MM Saffiano Belt: Rein in the volume of a blouse, thin sweater or dress with this retro ’80s style. 
• Michael Kors Logo To Pebble Belt Bag: I keep on wanting to get a belt bag, and this one looks like a little foldover clutch on a belt. So cute! It won’t be super comfortable or conventionally flattering, but it’s creative, fun, hands-free and quite the statement. I need to give this look a bash. 
• Fossil Shotbead Skinny Belt: A dainty sci-fi number with delicate edge beading. 
• Calvin Klein Buckle With Logo Embossed Belt: I frequently wear a white belt similar to this style because it makes my outfit feel crisp and modern. 
• Nike Perforated Golf Belt: The perforation is a nice nod to the sporty trend. 
• Bedstu Costello: And a studded black belt is a great basic for Team Stud.  

I prefer low rise jeans and trousers and therefore wear these belts on my hip bones. This often means sizing up a size on belts that are meant to be worn on the natural waist. 

Affiliates Some of the links in this post generate commissions for YLF.

Related posts:

1. 10 Fab Belts
2. 10 must-haves for Spring / Summer 2008
3. How to Wear Belts: 7 Guidelines for the Belt Challenged

Cristina from Grey's Anatomy doesn't want to have kids (ABC)

There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot—except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan.

Recently I ran into my old friend Rich in line at Target. I was standing there with my industrial sized bags of Skittles and a magazine about doing yoga and eating healthy. I was catching him up on the last year of my life, which went something like: "So, yeah I'm divorced and dating around and I love living alone and I'm working all the time—traveling about every other weekend as well and finishing up my book about being Childfree." For some reason, this prompted him to say, "Aw, come on, Jen Kirkman. You'd be such a good mom!"

This statement is at best condescending and at worst, patently false and potentially dangerous. It's like telling a friend who you know has a paralyzing fear of wild animals that she would make a great game warden. Seriously, she should just shake off her deep-seated anxiety about being around rhinos and lions and just go out there and guide some poor innocent family on a safari. I'm sure you'll do fine!

A few years ago, my ex-husband Matt's parents threw us an engagement party at their house. My former future mother-in-law and I stood side by side in the kitchen prepping for the guests. (Well, I think I was just pouring myself some wine while I awkwardly watched her chop vegetables.) It was an idyllic scene, the two most important women in one man's life, coming together over food and wine. (Okay, I was the only one with the wine.) Sort of semi-casually, her knife hand holding the neck of a celery stalk hostage, she said to me, "So, I think we should talk about how you and Matt don't plan to have children."

I braced myself, expecting she'd take a blender, turn it on and hold my hand over it threatening, "Tell me again. Tell me one more time that you're not giving me grandchildren. I dare you." I figured she'd at the very least say something like, "You're a horrible, soulless, morally barren woman who is stealing a future-family from me and my son!"

Instead she said very simply, "I support that decision. I participated in the Women's Movement so that women could have more choices in life and this is one of those choices." I felt relieved. She worked full time and raised two kids but she didn't try to make me feel like I needed to do the same.

But what would a conversation with your mother-in-law be without a little nugget of guilt that she gets to leave on your pillow before she turns down your metaphorical marital bed?

"Still, I can't say that it isn't a little bit sad to think that I'll never see your children," she continued. "And I know that you two would make great parents if that's what you wanted."

***

When we were married, Matt and I often told people that we were a family, just the two of us. That sentiment felt secure and it was true. We were legally a family. But people who had kids usually just looked at us with pity—the kind of pity I reserve for people who are folding and unfolding strollers and clumsily going through airport security.

I knew that people stared at us and thought, But you can't have a two person family. What if one of you falls off of a boat when you're on vacation? Then what? A family of one? What good is a family of one? If you're the only one in your family then who do you blame for all of your mistakes? No, it's YOUR fault that I dropped the carton of orange juice that I was drinking from while standing in front of the open refrigerator because you walked into the kitchen on your tip-toes. You KNOW that when you try to walk quietly it scares me more than if you just walked normally. Also, I had a bad day at work and I blame you because if it wasn't for you, I'd have more free time to meet the heir to an oil empire and if HE married me—I'd never have to work again! I'm not feeling good about myself but I'm too afraid to look within so I'm just going to fixate on the fact that your toothbrush is on the top of our toilet tank.

I imagine if Matt had come home every night and said to me, "Oh Jen, but you'd be such a good cook," our marriage would have broken up a lot faster than it did.

***

Throughout most of my life there seemed to be only two types of women represented in TV shows. There are housewives slaving away over a hot stove and then there's Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw who once said she uses her stove to store handbags. I'm neither of these types of woman. Before and after we were married, my husband's dinner would continue to be something that he bought for himself at the Whole Foods sandwich counter. I'd be coming home from work at nine o'clock and eating my cottage cheese-and-cucumber-Saltine-sandwiches. I wasn't a totally useless wife. I was always able to open a bottle of wine for dessert.

I have memories of my grandfather Kirkman making mashed potatoes that were so good because they tasted like a bowl of butter. I love my mom's brownies. My favorite thing about both of those recipes is that someone else made them for me. Occasionally I feel an urge to whip up some mashed potatoes and brownies but I don't ever feel an urge to scrape the crust from the baking pan, or to squeeze out some progeny so he or she can remember that while mommy was out of town often doing stand-up comedy, she baked a mean banana bread to try to make up for her flagrant neglect.

---

This post is excerpted from I Can Barely Take Care of Myself by Jen Kirkman. Copyright © 2013 by Block of Cheese, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Simon & Schuster.

Anzon Tsarnaev, the father of brothers Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, suspects implicated in the Boston Marathon bombings, in Makhachkala, Daghestan. (RIA Novosti)

MAKHACHKALA, Russia -- As media outlets scramble to understand more about the suspected Boston Marathon bombers, Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, many relatives linked to the family in Makhachkala, Daghestan, are declining to talk to journalists.

Nonetheless, the men's father, Anzor Tsarnaev, did speak from an undisclosed location via telephone to RFE/RL's Tom Balmforth and AP in Makhachkala on April 21.

RFE/RL: We're trying to understand the chronology of events. Tamerlan seems to have left the United States for six months [starting January 12, 2012]. One shopkeeper near the family home in Makhachkala told RFE/RL that he was only [at your house] for a month or so. Where could he have taken on these [radical] ideas?

Anzor Tsarnaev: [Tamerlan] had no [radical] ideas whatsoever. I don't get it. Who could have come up with that? He was with me in Makhachkala and he used to sleep until 3 p.m. I even used to poke him, asking him if he came here to sleep only. I was taking him to visit our relatives, have some food there, this and that. Once back home, he would always go to bed.

RFE/RL: How long was he in Makhachkala for?

Tsarnaev: Six months...

RFE/RL: Did he frequent the mosques? Could [a terrorist organization] have worked on him there?

Tsarnaev: Of course he went to mosque on Fridays. Of course. He went to the main mosque. And we kept going there together. Nobody was trying to process him in any way. There is no such thing in Makhachkala. Local people stopped doing this kind of thing long ago. This is history. Those who brainwash people do not live in the cities anymore. Brainwashers live in the mountains.

RFE/RL: You're planning to go to the United States. When do you plan to do this?

Tsarnaev: I want real justice. I have a lot of questions to ask the [American] police and secret services. I am a lawyer myself. I want answers to all the questions that I have on criminal issues, on terrorism. I need to know. I have questions to ask of the famous American secret services. They keep spinning their image throughout the whole world, they keep promoting themselves. I need to know how they worked, why, where, and so on. I need answers to make a clear picture. I also want to hire a lawyer. I need justice, do you understand?

RFE/RL: People are saying that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev fell under the influence of [his older brother] Tamerlan.

Tsarnaev: [Dzhokhar] could not have possibly been under any influence of [Tamerlan]. Yes, he was his elder brother, but he would have never set his younger brother up. It would be against our customs.

[Tamerlan] used to tell [Dzhokhar], "Look at me, I got married and skipped on education. Go, get yourself some education, otherwise we'll make our father mad." Sure, I was mad. I used to nag [Tamerlan], telling him he would end up as a cheap laborer without education. He kept promising me he would get an education. He would assure me he could speak English. He knew his way around computers, and he was going to start some business. He knew some guys who went to China and would import stuff from there, open a shop, this and that. These are some plans he had.

Nothing makes any sense. The way [American] secret services worked makes no sense, nor does how the police handled it. They have no video footage, nothing. [...] Moreover, they kept him under surveillance while he would spend all his time with his baby. [Editor's note: Reports claim Tamerlan came to the attention of U.S. law enforcement via the Russian government in 2011 and was questioned by the FBI.] They ought to have known very well who he was in touch with had there been anything suspicious. And those explosives? Do you think it's so easy to get hold of explosives in Boston? The police itself had forbidden exactly the kind of explosives that went off there. Why would the police get hold of this stuff? This just doesn't make sense. They simply picked a Chechen boy. What for? This is a clear setup.

RFE/RL: Did Tamerlan visit Chechnya [when he was visiting Makhachkala from January 2012]?

He visited Chechnya twice with me. We went to see my uncles and aunts -- I have many of them there. All of them are clean people; they pray, everybody knows them. They never left Chechnya. My relatives had jobs there and they stayed there throughout the war.

---

This post appears courtesy of Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty.

(WGN)

In addition to the many people driven out of their homes or stranded by flood waters in Illinois, recent storms have wreaked havoc on a piece of fast-food history, with the site of the first McDonald’s opened by Ray Kroc now underwater.

The building in Des Plaines, IL, that is now flooded is not the original building erected by company founder Kroc. It is, in fact, a replica that was built using the blueprints of the original.

The aerial video footage below from WGN (WARNING: It’s raw video and there is all manner of helicopter noise, so turn the volume down) shows both the damage to the McDonald’s and the massive flooding in the surrounding area.

Illinois has declared a state of emergency while it attempts to deal with the widespread flooding and subsequent damage.

[via HuffPo and BusinessInsider]

  Looks like at least one of Laura’s (Genie Francis) boys will be staying around Port Charles. Tyler Christopher (Nikolas) updated his followers on Twitter about the status of ABC Family’s The Lying Game’s renewal and gave General Hospital fans some good news. Christopher tweeted:   READ MORE

A photo of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, a suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing, as seen on his page of the Russian social networking site Vkontakte (Reuters)

Here is what we know -- or what we think we know -- about Tamerlan Tsarnaev: He was a boxer and a "gifted athlete." He did not smoke or drink -- "God said no alcohol" -- and didn't take his shirt off in public "so girls don't get bad ideas."  He was "very religious." He had a girlfriend who was half-Portuguese and half-Italian. In 2009, he was arrested after allegedly assaulting his girlfriend. He was "a nice guy." He was also a "cocky guy." He was also a "a normal guy." He loved the movie Borat. He wanted to become an engineer, but his first love was music: He studied it in school, playing the piano and the violin. He didn't have American friends, he said -- "I don't understand them" -- but he also professed to appreciate the U.S. ("America has a lot of jobs .... You have a chance to make money here if you are willing to work"). He was training, as a boxer, to represent the U.S. in the Olympics.

We know, or we think we do, that Tamerlan's brother, Dzhokar, is "very quiet." Having graduated from the Cambridge Rindge and Latin School -- a public school known for its diverse student body -- he received a scholarship from the City of Cambridge. He went to his prom, with a date and in a tux. He had friends. He posed with them, smiling, at graduation. He tweeted pictures of cats. He skateboarded around his Cambridge neighborhood. His personal priorities, he has said, are "career and money." He is a second-year medical student at UMass Dartmouth. He is seemingly Chechan by birth and Muslim by religion, and has lived in the U.S. since 2002. He is "a true angel." He has uncles in Maryland. He called one of them yesterday and said, "Forgive me."

In times like this, we tend to emphasize adjectives rather than verbs.

These are provisional facts. They are the products of the chaos of breaking news, and may well also be the products of people who stretch the truth -- or break it -- in order to play a role in the mayhem. They are very much subject to change. But they are also reminders of something it's so easy to forget right now, especially for the many, many members of the media -- professional and otherwise -- who currently find themselves under pressure of live air or deadline: Tamerlan and Dzhokar Tsarnaev are not simply "the Marathon bombers," or "murderers," or "Chechens," or "immigrants," or "Muslims." They might turn out to be all of those things. They might not. The one thing we know for sure is that they are not only those things. They had friends and families and lives. They had YouTube accounts and Twitter feeds. They went to class. They went to work. They came home, and they left it again. 

And then they did something unimaginable.

***

That the brothers Tsarnaev are more than the labels we would hastily apply to them is obvious, I know. Then again, labels are especially tempting amidst the twin confusions of breaking news and municipal lockdown. Stories like the one that has now been shorthanded as the "Boston Bombing," or the "Marathon Bombing" -- among them "Aurora," "Newtown," "Columbine" -- have their cycles. And we have entered the time in the cycle when, alleged culprits identified, our need for answers tends to merge with our need for justice. We seek patterns, so that we may find in them explanations. We confuse categories -- "male," "Muslim" -- with cause. We focus on contradictions: He had a girlfriend, and killed people. She was a mother, and a murderer. And we finally take refuge in comforting binaries -- "dark-skinned" or "light-skinned," "popular" or "loner," "international" or "homegrown," "good" or "evil" -- because their neat lines and tidy boxes would seem to offer us a way to do the thing we most crave right now: to put things in their place.

The problem is that there is no real place for the Boston bombings and their aftermath, just as there was no real place for Aurora or Columbine or Newtown. Their events were, in a very literal sense, outliers: They are (in the U.S., at least) out of the ordinary. They were the products of highly unusual sets of circumstances -- of complexity, rather than contradictions.

But we don't often treat them that way. Instead, in times like this, we tend to emphasize adjectives rather than verbs. "How can you be a good person and a terrible person at the same time?" CNN asked this morning. That it would feel the need to wonder says a lot.

***

There is a kind of ritual, at this point, to interviews aired and published after murderers and terrorists and other high-profile criminals have been apprehended: "He was quiet, never bothered anyone," someone will usually say. "She always seemed so nice," another will offer. Or "I just can't believe he would do this." We saw this again with the Tsarnaev brothers today: the shock, the betrayal, the confusion. People who knew, or thought they knew, the suspects -- or people whose lives, in one way or another, intersected with theirs -- try to make sense of things, and cannot. 

And their voices often get amplified: The neighbor goes on CNN, the boxing buddy goes on Bloomberg, WBUR gets aired on NPR. Which gives the local confusion the air of a national trend. In the media's megaphone, these conversations become a kind of blanket commentary on the banality of evil. The idiosyncrasies get erased. The circumstances blur. The humanity gets whitewashed. The terrorist -- the person with a lifetime's worth of unique circumstance -- becomes A Terrorist, and we load him with the freight of our own frustration. (Why would someone do this? How could someone do this?) We turn people into caricatures -- we decide that they are "crazy" or "disturbed" or "ideologically motivated" or "radical" -- so we can distance their actions from our own. And so that we can more easily deal with their actions in symbolic terms. "Evil" may not offer an explanation, but it does offer an answer. Sort of.

In the media's megaphone, these conversations become a blanket commentary on the banality of evil.

But it's that kind of conversion process -- people into People -- that led, this week, to the public fears that the bombers would turn out to be Muslim. It's the process that led, two days ago, to headlines like "In Boston Bombing, Muslims Hold Their Breath" and "For Muslim Americans, Boston Bombings Bring Added Anxiety" -- and that led, this morning, to stories about Muslim leaders now "fearing a backlash." The sad assumption carried in these reports is that Americans lack the intellectual equipment and moral imagination to tell the difference between an individual and a group. It's an assumption that has, in the past, occasionally proven valid.

Yet it's also symptomatic of a tendency, in the media and beyond it, to privilege caricatures over characters. Particularly when we have so much access to people's interior lives through social media -- this Twitter feed seems to be Dzhokar's, and it is revealing -- we have new license to think beyond categories (and metaphors, and stereotypes). We have new ways to bolster our categories -- "Muslim," "Chechen," "Causasian" -- with the many caveats they deserve. The Tsarnaev brothers may have been Muslim, and that circumstance may have, in part, motivated them in their actions on Monday. They may have been Chechen. They may have been male. But that was not all they were. Their lives were like all of ours: full of small incongruities that build and blend to drive us in different directions. Another thing we think we know about the brothers is that they lived in the middle of one of America's richest cities, near a gas station. And a retirement home. And an auto-body shop. And a really good cafe that serves homemade ice cream. As a place it is tranquil and gritty, urban and not at all. It is messy and busy and real. 

One day, the brothers left it for Boston. And to understand why they did that -- to have even a prayer of progressing towards a world where two more young men don't do that -- we have to embrace complexity.

A reveler shakes the hand of a police officer as a crowd made its way toward Boston Common after the final suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing was arrested, Friday, April 19. (AP/Julio Cortez)

It's hard to write more urgently, or more eloquently, than Emily Bazelon has written at Slate about the dubious ramifications of the decision late Friday to interrogate the Boston Marathon suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev without first informing him of his rights under Miranda v. Arizona. And my colleague David Graham has rightly focused upon Sen. Lindsey Graham's (R-S.C.) unhinged response -- military detention for a U.S. citizen apprehended on U.S soil accused of committing domestic crimes-- which even the earnest folks at the Lawfare blog thought had gone too far.

I write separately here to make a few additional points on the legal way forward here as we embark upon the latest case of the century.

What happened this week in Boston were domestic crimes, pure and simple. They were crimes that our civilian courts have processed for centuries: murder, attempted murder, conspiracy to commit murder, use of a weapon of mass destruction (a bomb). Engaging in an act of "terrorism" which is defined in basic terms, under federal law, as "an act that is dangerous to human life or potentially destructive of critical infrastructure or key resources" and "is a violation of the criminal laws of the United States" and "appears to be intended to intimidate or coerce a civilian population; to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or to affect the conduct of government by mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping."

There seems to be enormous pressure, in and out of government, to treat this suspect like an international terrorist, whether he is one or not. Federal officials want to do so because it's the post 9/11 narrative for which they have planned. Listening to the breathless media coverage Friday, for the hours upon hours where nothing was happening, one could almost sense from the Beltway consultants and analysts as well a collective willing of this case to morph into an Al Qaeda one. What was the basis for the speculation? A few videos on a website. A visit to Chechnya. Yet when the FBI interviewed the older brother in 2011, reported CBS News' Bob Orr, they found no incriminating information.

It's still early, but I have yet to read anything from anyone who knows anything about this case that explains what exactly is so illogical about the words reportedly uttered Friday by Chechnya leader Ramzan Kadyrov, who said of the Tsarnaevs: "They grew up in the USA, their views and convictions were formed there. The roots should be looked for in America." I realize this isn't what America wants to hear this morning. And I realize Kadyrov is highly motivated to deflect blame away from his country. But what do we know about these two brothers today that makes it wrong?

Tsarnaev was apprehended 18 years to the day that Timothy McVeigh was arrested as he was speeding away from the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Perhaps Attorney General Eric Holder will correct me if I am wrong-- he should know, he was Deputy Attorney General in 1997 when the bombing trials were held in Denver-- but there was no "public safety exception" delay inMirandizing McVeigh or Terry Nichols. This is how far the constitutional requirement has eroded in less than a generation without a single United States Supreme Court decision to say so. I don't doubt that this Court would today sanction such a broader interpretation of the rule. But so far it hasn't.

Even as Washington seeks to fit this story into a larger narrative, the Obama Administration has recognized that this is more like a blended case-- domestic terrorism with an international flavor, you could say. So, "public safety exception" or not, Tsarnaev can thank Jose Padilla for whatever constitutional rights he will receive in the next few days and weeks. Padilla, too, was a U.S. citizen, apprehended on American soil, accused of a form of terrorism. But Padilla, whose alleged plot never came close to fruition, was thrown into military detention, for years, and deprived of basic due process rights until the federal courts belatedly forced Bush officials to turn him over to civilian custody. The Tsarnaev case starts where Padilla case ended. And Tsarnaev's U.S citizenship makes a big difference -- politically and legally.

All that said, this is not likely a case where the defendant's confession is going to be dispositive. The feds won't likely need to introduce at Tsarnaev's trial(s) any "confession" or other incriminating statements he may theoretically make before he is informed of his right to remain silent and of his right to a lawyer. Just think of the eyewitnesses, and the video surveillance, both from Monday and from late Thursday night, which would likely be used against him in a court of law. Just think of the physical evidence that links him to his alleged crimes. There is, as Bazelon says, good reason to be concerned about the Miranda "exception" swallowing the rule. But there is little reason to think it will unduly prejudice Tsarnaev in this case.

The good news is that there is a decent chance that the coming case will be presided over by one of the nation's finest trial judges. U.S. District Judge William Young is a likely candidate to get the assignment because of his past experience with terror trials -- he eloquently sentenced Richard Reid, the "shoebomber" to life in prison a decade ago-- and for his penchant for handling other complex, high-profile cases. Judge Young, an appointee of Ronald Reagan who has bravely criticized executive branch overreach when he's seen it, is not going to let the Justice Department push him, or the defendant, around.

Can you mix different black fabrics to form a suit? Reader E wonders…

Hi! I searched your archives but couldn’t find anything addressing my question, so here goes: I have two skirts and a pair of pants, all from different companies and of different materials (one’s a lightweight wool, another’s a cotton/viscose/spandex mix, and the last’s made of polyester/viscose/spandex). All are black, yet their shades don’t match. I need to purchase a basic black blazer to make a suit for interviews (and hopefully my first job). If I get a blazer that will match at least one of the bottoms, can I wear it with the other two, or is that a office faux pas? Will other people notice, especially if I won’t be working in a conservative field? I don’t have the money to get several pieces in the same fabric. Please help.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Maybe I just haven’t seen this done well.  But I think Reader E is wasting money to try to mix different fabrics to “create” a suit — and yes, I do think other people will notice.  Some thoughts, off the top of my head:

a) it is incredibly difficult to find the same fabric/weave/color, even if you’re talking about something like black seasonless wool.  Some blacks have more reds, some have more greens.. some wools are shinier, some are softer, some are blended…

b) even if you CAN find the same fabric, how you care for your items affects the cloth — if you’ve drycleaned or washed one piece 15 times and the other only once, they will look different.

This is one of the reasons why I always recommend buying as many suiting separates as possible when you start creating your working wardrobe, even if you think you don’t need “a suit,” and then trying to launder all of those pieces on the same schedule.  Odds are you need a pair of black trousers and a black pencil skirt — why not just get the black suit jacket at the same time?  We’ve talked about some of the least expensive suiting options before — most of the time you can even get three or four separates for under $200.

That said, Reader E may not necessarily need a suit if she isn’t interviewing in a conservative field.  For my $.02, the better option for her budget and purposes would be to get a blazer that is obviously a separate, either because it’s in a different color or a totally different texture from her pants or skirt.  That way she can look pulled together but not as if she’s wearing “a suit,” and she’ll be able to wear it with the rest of her wardrobe (including the three different colors of black that she already owns).

Readers, what are you thoughts? Have you ever “created” a suit from pieces bought at different times (or different stores)? Do you think that all interviews require a suit, or can Reader E get away with professional blazer-as-separate look?

The post Can You Mix Different Black Fabrics to Create a “Suit”? appeared first on Corporette.com.

The Hatfields and the McCoys don't have hot shiznit on ABC and Prospect Park. Deadline is reporting PP has filed a breach of contract lawsuit against ABC to the tune of $25 million. At issue? You guessed it, how One Life to Live characters were used on General Hospital! READ MORE

There are sinkholes on the South side, geysers erupting from storm drains on the North and northwest sides, and water shutting down expressways. We've put together a handful of photos gathered via social media of what commuters and homeowners are dealing with this morning. [ more › ]

Dear Muffy, I noticed even in your earliest entries you have been wearing the plain rope bracelets. Who makes them? Do they come in colors? Love the Daily Prep!!


For almost as long as they have been making them, I have been buying rope bracelets from Nantucket Knotworks.    I wear them often and although I have a few different colors (and I wish they made an all green), the natural is the original and still my favorite.  I like their simplicity, their toughness, and that they don't get in the way of outdoor activities.

The 2-Strand bracelets are only $8.00; the 3-Strands are $12.00; and the Racing Stripes are $16.00.

Nantucket Knotworks also makes some other nice items like their Turk's Head Coasters, lanyards and key rings.  (I just pretend that they don't make ankle bands!) Everything is made in the United States.

And you (or your kids) can also buy kits to make your own bracelets.

Racing Stripes

They are comfortable and there is nothing to catch or snag.

3-Strand

2-Strand

I even wear them in the winter.  (Watch/hear what Tedd Firth was playing in this video we took.)

this jacket is the perfect topper for chilly san francisco nights (or days)...

still reeling over what happened in boston yesterday. i had a few friends who ran the marathon (who are all thankfully ok), and i've been to watch before and it's always a celebration. it was amazing to see people jumping in to help those that had been injured or offering their homes to displaced runners. it reminds me how strong we are and how we can come together when our fellow citizens need help.

j.crew jacket (previously seen here; similar and another cheaper option), zara t-shirt, earnest sewn jeans, alexander wang shoes (nude version), club monaco sunglasses, marc jacobs bag, sabine earrings, henri bendel ring

Cross-posted at Tim Wise’s website and Pacific Standard.

As the nation weeps for the victims of the horrific bombing in Boston yesterday, one searches for lessons amid the carnage, and finds few. That violence is unacceptable stands out as one, sure. That hatred — for humanity, for life, or whatever else might have animated the bomber or bombers — is never the source of constructive human action seems like a reasonably close second.

But I dare say there is more; a much less obvious and far more uncomfortable lesson, which many are loathe to learn, but which an event such as this makes readily apparent, and which we must acknowledge, no matter how painful.

It is a lesson about race, about whiteness, and specifically, about white privilege.

I know you don’t want to hear it. But I don’t much care. So here goes.

White privilege is knowing that even if the Boston Marathon bomber turns out to be white, his or her identity will not result in persons like yourself being singled out for suspicion by law enforcement, or the TSA, or the FBI.

White privilege is knowing that even if the bomber turns out to be white, no one will call for your group to be profiled as terrorists as a result, subjected to special screening, or threatened with deportation.

White privilege is knowing that if the bomber turns out to be white, he or she will be viewed as an exception to an otherwise non-white rule, an aberration, an anomaly, and that he or she will be able to join the ranks of Tim McVeigh and Terry Nichols and Ted Kaczynski and Eric Rudolph and Joe Stack and George Metesky and Byron De La Beckwith and Bobby Frank Cherry and Thomas Blanton and Herman Frank Cash and Robert Chambliss and James von Brunn and Robert Mathews and David_Lane and Michael F. Griffin and Paul Hill and John Salvi and James Kopp and Luke Helder and James David Adkisson and Scott Roeder and Shelley Shannon and Wade Michael Page and Byron Williams and Kevin Harpham and William Krar and Judith Bruey and Edward Feltus and Raymond Kirk Dillard and Adam Lynn Cunningham and Bonnell Hughes and Randall Garrett Cole and James Ray McElroy and Michael Gorbey and Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman and Frederick Thomas and Paul Ross Evans and Matt Goldsby and Jimmy Simmons and Kathy Simmons and Kaye Wiggins and Patricia Hughes and Jeremy Dunahoe and David McMenemy and Bobby Joe Rogers and Francis Grady and Demetrius Van Crocker and Floyd Raymond Looker, among the pantheon of white people who engage in politically motivated violence meant to terrorize and kill, but whose actions result in the assumption of absolutely nothing about white people generally, or white Christians in particular.

And white privilege is being able to know nothing about the crimes committed by most of the terrorists listed above — indeed, never to have so much as heard most of their names — let alone to make assumptions about the role that their racial or ethnic identity may have played in their crimes.

White privilege is knowing that if the Boston bomber turns out to be white, you will not be asked to denounce him or her, so as to prove your own loyalties to the common national good. It is knowing that the next time a cop sees you standing on the sidewalk cheering on runners in a marathon, that cop will say exactly nothing to you as a result.

White privilege is knowing that if you are a student from Nebraska — as opposed to, say, a student from Saudi Arabia — that no one, and I mean no one would think it important to detain and question you in the wake of a bombing such as the one at the Boston Marathon.

And white privilege is knowing that if this bomber turns out to be white, the United States government will not bomb whatever corn field or mountain town or stale suburb from which said bomber came, just to ensure that others like him or her don’t get any ideas. And if he turns out to be a member of the Irish Republican Army we won’t bomb Dublin. And if he’s an Italian American Catholic we won’t bomb the Vatican.

In short, white privilege is the thing that allows you — and me — to view tragic events like this as merely horrific, and from the perspective of pure and innocent victims, rather than having to wonder, and to look over one’s shoulder, and to ask even if only in hushed tones, whether those we pass on the street might think that somehow we were involved.

It is the source of our unearned innocence and the cause of others’ unjustified oppression.

That is all. And it matters.

Tim Wise is among the most prominent anti-racist writers and educators in the United States.  The author of six books on race in America, he has spoken on over 800 college and high school campuses and to community groups across the nation.  His new book, The Culture of Cruelty, will be released in the Fall of 2013.

(View original at http://thesocietypages.org/socimages)

What was your favorite toy as a child? In Gabriele Galimberti's wonderful series Toy Stories , which we recently spotted over at Feature Shoot, the Italian photographer traveled the world to photograph children with their most prized possessions, be they pink or blue, new or old, plentiful or scarce.

Decaying Food Porn
The Symmetry of Identical Twins
Inside the Dead Baby Unicorn Pop-Up Book

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The resulting photo series is in turns haunting and funny, but Galimberti's reports from the field are equally interesting. "The richest children were more possessive. At the beginning, they wouldn't want me to touch their toys, and I would need more time before they would let me play with them," Galimberti says. "In poor countries, it was much easier. Even if they only had two or three toys, they didn't really care. In Africa, the kids would mostly play with their friends outside." Page through a few of our favorites from the series after the jump, and then be sure to head over to Galimberti's site to see many more.

Maudy -- Kalulushi, Zambia

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Stella -- Montecchio, Italy

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Chiwa -- Mchinji, Malawi

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Pavel -- Kiev, Ucraina

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Allenah -- El Nido, Philippines

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Reanya -- Sepang, Malaysia

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Puput -- Bali, Indonesia

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Tangawizi -- Keekorok, Kenya

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Keynor -- Cahuita, Costarica

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Julia -- Tirana, Albania

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Alessia -- Castiglion Fiorentino, Italy

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Watcharapom -- Bangkok, Thailand

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Botlhe -- Maun, Botswana

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Arafa & Aisha -- Bububu, Zanzibar

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Cun Zi Yi -- Chongqing, China

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This post also appears on Flavorpill, an Atlantic partner site.

Studio NL

Do you ever get that "2:30 feeling"? The one where, at any time, you see one of those tragic 5-Hour Energy commercials and start to retch or get violent? Well, it's always good to sleep through anger. When red energy starts bubbling up and you think you might do something you'll regret, fold down your secret desk bed and leave it all behind. Here's how it works, I think.

This is your nice, normal-appearing desk -- oh, in a communal area, it seems.

Studio NL

Looks like you forgot to close your laptop.

Studio NL

That's better. Now fold down the front of the desk, which is a secret bed.

Studio NL

And then ... just lie there. There's a lot of light, and it's kind of like lying on a board in a semi-public space, but still.

Design and photography by Studio NL

Do you feel it? Better? That's negative energy draining out of your body, and profit draining out of your business.

[via Chiara Atik]

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Related:

Getting a Bicycle Desk

A Day on a Treadmill Desk

Healthiest Desks, Worst to Best

 

Don't mistake Josh Kelly for just another pretty face — though that face is awfully pretty! This talented actor has game, which is why he experienced no hesitation in signing on board for Prospect Park's second attempt to reboot One Life to Live.

Starting April 29 on Hulu, Hulu Plus, iTunes and FX Canada, Kelly will once again be on our screens as fictional Llanview, PA.'s resident bad boy Cutter Wentworth. I caught up with the actor at a recent OLTL set visit.

Kelly served up the Long Island iced tea on Cutter's involvement with Nikki, a bartender at the new Llanview hot spot Shelter. Did I mention she's played by none other than Jersey Shore's JWoww? He also offered up the skinny cocktail on how a movie project he's attached to led to his initial involvement with Prospect Park.

Daytime Confidential: How excited are you to be back at One Life to Live?

Josh Kelly: Really excited.

DC: Were you apprehensive signing back on for the show, given what happened the last time it attempted to resume production?

JK: No. I trust Prospect Park. I really like the company. I'm really glad to be working for this company. DC: is the pace the same with online as it is with broadcast TV?

JK: The pace is about the same. I think its a little easier, actually, because its a half-hour show. It's really less that you have to do. I think it will be more palatable for the audience to have a half-hour show, as opposed to an hour everyday.

DC: What was the ultimate deciding factor that convinced you to step back into the role of Cutter?

JK: I missed the show. I missed the people on the show. I didn't like any of the the pilots I read for this year and I really like being part of the [OLTL] cast; especially in the way that it's been working. They're really encouraging creativity from us. I think it's an opportunity to do smoothing new and cool.
 

  READ MORE

Images from Reuters and Massachusetts Office of Travel and Tourism
Each year, the city absorbs into its colleges and universities tens of thousands of teenagers, 18-year-olds, from every corner of the world, each of whom is seeking, in one way or another, to learn something and to become whatever it is they are destined to become. The boy from Arizona, there on a scholarship, who has never before seen snow. The girl from Montana, who's never seen anything but Big Sky. The lucky son of diplomats. They all arrive in late summer to a city used to showing children what it means, and what it takes, to live in a great American metropolis. No other city in the nation does this as well.

And, every year, in a cycle renewed for hundreds of years, the city disgorges tens of thousands of college graduates into the world. This means that there are millions of men and women wandering around America today who spent some of the best years of their lives in and around Boston, walking some of the very streets splattered with blood yesterday in the wake of the Marathon bombings. Boston is where those students like me came of age. It's where we met our spouses or significant others. It's where we learned our craft. It's where we connected with the friends and mentors we would have for the rest of our lives. Even if we can't say we are "from" Boston we surely confirm when asked that we are "of" Boston. It remains in our blood.

Boston's enormous extended family didn't have to be on or near Boylston Street Monday to appreciate how glorious Patriots' Day can be: the joy of springtime after the brutal New England winter; the early Sox game; the crowded Green Line; the early-opening bars; and the runners and their families, coming in toward the City, coming in toward the finish line. The parties on the balconies in the apartments along Beacon Street. The cheering for the men and women who had run so far for so long just for the privilege of running on this day. Indeed, even to those who never run, Marathon Day meant the end of our own personal marathons-- the looming end of the school year, the looming end of our college careers, the end of our youth.
No bombing can ever take away what Boston means to the men and women whose lives have been shaped by it over the generations. No tragedy can ever take away Patriots' Day, or the Marathon, or the city's pride and relief in having made it to another spring. For now, for today, perhaps it is enough to merely remind our friends and family there in the Hub that we are with them, that we never really left no matter how far away we may be, and that we'll be with them again next year, in sorrow and in joy.

Editors note: Andrew Cohen spent seven years in Boston, from 1984-1991, while pursuing his undergraduate and graduate degrees from Boston University

JUST A GIGOLO:  Buzzfeed catches up with David Lee Roth, now 57, for a profile that's far more serious and insightful than the site's usual fare.

"Diamond Dave is somewhere between Spider-Man and Spanky from Our Gang," he says, popping open a beer. He's never made a point of apologizing or renouncing past clownishness, never showed regret or embarrassment, never worried about those who didn't get the joke, never OD'd or got sober, never got busted for anything more than a dime bag. "I went through a wild phase where I was that person, and perhaps one hurdle is allowing yourself to develop. Everybody goes through the Harley-Davidson phase, the leather days — that's a great merit badge, and the hardest phase to live through."

A close second, though, is a familiar bugaboo to anyone who went platinum in the go-go '80s and found their teased hair and casual hedonism mocked and dwarfed by a dressed-down, purposefully glum zeitgeist. "Two words: Kurt Cobain. I went from playing to 12,000 people to 1,200. From arenas to casinos and state fairs and the local House of Blues. That will cause you to reflect a lot more clearly on your values. Fun wasn't seen as fun anymore."

There's one thing One Life to Live viewers have come to know by heart — don't mess with Tea Delgado's (Florencia Lozano) loved ones! The Online Network has released a teaser video on iTunes called, 'First Day of School'. In the clip, a juicy SPOILER has Tea going HAM-TASTIC on Matthew (Robert Gorrie), when Dani (Kelley Missal) overdoses at Blair (Kassie DePaiva) and Cutter's (Josh Kelly) new club! READ MORE

Since the news broke earlier today of the explosions that went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon,

“Murder, She Wrote” Series 1 – Episode 5
“It’s a Dog’s Life”
(Post 2 of 2)

First things first… to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog or share it with their friends, comment or write to me, I would like to say thank you!
I love Jessica’s style and I am just trying to learn from it, and I feel very lucky to have met so many lovely people through this blog. Once again, thank you everyone for stopping by! : )

~~

There are few items of clothing that can be found across time and cultures as easily as one of my favourites: the pleated skirt.
From Renaissance Italy and Victorian England to China’s traditions and America’s Sixties, this style of skirt is flattering to all body types and easily adaptable to many different fabrics and colours.

And yet, there is a slight stigma connected to it. As this 2006 article pointed out, a pleated skirt is often considered stiff, bossy, too old fashioned or even geeky.

Well, I do believe that pleated skirts are great, and if we needed anyone to champion the versatility and beauty of this style, Jessica is definitely fit for the part.

We already saw Jessica with a grey pleated skirt and a brown pleated skirt, but in this episode we can see her wearing two other very pretty ones.

Jessica wears the same outfit in two different scenes, at the beginning and at the end of the episode: a patterned pleated skirt, her usual light blue shirt (which is such a staple in her wardrobe that I feel as I should not speak about it any longer) and a super cool “bomber” jacket.

I am not sure if this is because I was a teenager in the late 90s, but I never ever imagined myself wearing a bomber jacket: that was something only boys did.
My male classmates all had a black one because it was the cool thing to do, especially when riding to school on a silver moped.
Well, Jessica just made me change my mind. Seeing how pretty she looks pairing this sporty jacket with such a girly skirt makes me want to go out and buy one right now.

Partly proving my point, it has been slightly difficult to find a nice burgundy bomber jacket for women. I found a classic one in the menswear at Asos, and one at TopMan, which I would be happy to wear anyway, but all I could find specifically for women was this jacket at Modcloth, which luckily is incredibly pretty (and also available in brown).

Jessica’s beautiful pleated skirt has a nature-inspired pattern in soft shades of pink. It could be floral, but to me looks almost like a paisley print.
I really like this watermelon skirt available at USC and this vintage pastel pink skirt available at Rokit. Of course Etsy is a gold mine as usual, and I really like this 1970 pastel floral skirt by seller FabVintage, and this vintage Laura Ashley skirt by seller LucyRaeRetro.

The last thing to attract my attention is the horse plaque visible on the wall behind Jessica, and I found something with a similar vibe in this vintage wooden horse by Etsy seller 3sisterstreasures and in this handmade running horse by Etsy artist Peppysis.

The second pleated skirt she wears is a beige one, which probably is the same we saw before, but I picked a couple more, just to be on the safe side!

I like this skirt available at Oxfam, this 1980s one by Etsy seller BritishVintage and this 1970s one by Etsy seller ShoppeAndYore.

It has been a real challenge to find something similar to the white/cream jacket Jessica is wearing. From close inspection, it seemed made of denim but shaped slightly like a bomber, and to find a denim jacket without front pockets has proved pretty much impossible. Any suggestions are welcome!
In the end, I picked a few pretty white jackets which in my opinion have a similar vibe, like this off white bomber and this white denim, both by Uniqlo, this brocade jacket by Asos and this more sporty vintage denim available at Rokit.

Under the jacket, Jessica wears a simple white shirt, like this one by H&M.

I really love the scarf that Jessica is wearing. It’s a beautiful grey-white-pink combination which works perfectly in adding a touch of colour to an otherwise quite neutral outfit. I found a couple of lovely vintage scarves by iconic scarf designer Vera Neumann with a similar colour pattern: this one by Etsy seller Cottagewear and this one by Etsy seller Lea’sVintageRescue.
I also like this abstract scarf available at House of Fraser and, if you have a bit more money to spare, this two tones one by Farfetch.

I could just about make out the shoes Jessica is wearing and I am convinced they are loafers with a tassel on the tip, like these available at Asos, these cute ones by Accessorize and these by New Look. If you’d rather wear a different colour, I also like these lime and mole by H&M.

If you are wondering whether or not a pleated skirt is for you, my suggestion is to visit your local charity shop or the Oxfam website, where you can be sure to find a great selection of fabrics and colours at very cheap prices. In this way you can have a few to try out in different ways, all whilst supporting a worthy cause.

Set your DVR's for May 10, General Hospital fans.  Roger Howarth, Kristen Alderson and Michael Easton will return to the ABC soap the Friday before Mother’s Day! READ MORE

I hate the idea of changing your style or love of fashion because you’ve hit some age milestone. It’s utterly ridiculous, we don’t lose our personalities at certain ages, why should our style disappear? As I get closer and closer to 40, I’ve been more and more inspired by women in the blogosphere who have amazing, inspiring personal style and show that age is but a number. One of those women is Sheila from the blog Ephemera, and that is why I asked her to be part of my True Fashionista series.

I’ve actually been a fan of Sheila for many years; I can’t recall how I found her blog but it has been on my reader a while and I continue to be inspired and excited by her outfits. Sheila rocks color, print, unique cuts and silhouettes. She is a thrifting queen and creates the most unusual pairings. Her personal life is infused into her outfits – a bit of steampunk, accessories with sentimental value, garments she has swapped with other bloggers. And speaking of which, Sheila is one who truly loves the community created with style blogging – she has made many friends, has met many of them, and even trades clothing with them.

Sheila is proof that you don’t need to spend a million bucks to look like a million bucks. She thrifts and cosigns, she keeps things for years and brings them back into rotation when they fit current trends or her current personal style. She isn’t hesitant to get rid of something that isn’t a wise choice (and I love how she asks the opinions of her readers), and is always adding new secondhand scores to update the wardrobe.

Sheila’s blog Ephemera makes me feel as though I’m hanging out in her bedroom with a glass of wine, watching her try on clothes in her closet. She shares multiple views of the clothing (as you can see from my collages I adore her reclining on the stairs pose), her reasoning behind the garments and ensembles, and a peek into her life and where she wore the outfits.

Sheila’s style is creative, unique, yet extremely wearable. She is proof that one can still have fun with fashion (and life!) and look polished when over 40. She’s fun, inspiring, intelligent, and has amazing personal style. As with every True Fashionista, I asked Sheila to answer the same five questions; her answers:

How would you describe your personal style?
Um…crazy lady chic? Classic with a twist? Eclectic? Eccentric? All those kind ways to say, “Sheila’s a little “out there” with her clothes.” I love colour, pattern, texture, shine – even better if it’s all in one item! I’m a bit of a crow that way. I don’t like to look like everyone else; I want to stand out, especially the older I get (I’m 45). I refuse to disappear into drabness in my middle age – I have more confidence now about my body and myself in general than I did 10/15/20+ years ago, and I make a statement with how I feel by how I wear my clothes. I’m a supporter of Patti’s “Visible Mondays” at Not Dead Yet Style, because it’s helping women feel better about themselves, no matter what age they are!

Where did you get your passion for fashion?
I grew up surrounded by creativity – my mom is an artist, so I learned about colour very early in my life. I don’t remember ever not wanting to wear bright colours. My grandmother also dyed her hair bright red (I’m a blonde right now, but I’ve been a box-dye redhead for a good portion of my life) and wore bold jewelry, which was also inspiring. When I was 14, I met my great-aunt Ann – she must have been in her 60s, but she was wearing a flowered mini-skirt, hot pink heels, and a fitted top. Her black hair was scraped back and she had pink lipstick and bold make-up. I remember thinking, “I want to be her when I grow up!”

In my teens and experimenting with fashion, my mom gave me some excellent advice that I’ve never forgotten: “Never wear the same thing twice. Always keep them guessing.” She didn’t want me to get locked into a look/stereotyped and encouraged me to try on different personas through clothing. I looted clothing from her, from my dad, and shopped vintage and loved playing with people’s perception of who I was.

I struggled with my weight and my self-esteem in my twenties and thirties. It wasn’t until I lost 50 lbs 6-7 years ago that I finally felt like I was getting my life under control. I work hard to maintain my weight, and I am proud of my shape. I want to show it off!

Where do you find sartorial inspiration?
Oh, gosh, everywhere! Afraid to mix colours? Look at nature for inspiration: irises for blue and yellow, cherry trees in bloom for pink and burgundy and brown. I love seeing what other people wear, both in the blogoverse and in real life. I always notice what people are wearing, especially if they’ve put some thought into it and are pushing the creative envelope. I like to look at fashion magazines to see what’s coming, and then I either shop my closet (I have a large closet and a big wardrobe!) or keep an eye out for it in thrift stores and consignment stores.

What is the difference between fashion and style?
I think fashion is inspiration and style is perspiration – you have to work at style! You can be a slave to fashion and end up looking good, even great, but constantly chasing the next new thing – fashion is ever-changing, fleeting and ephemeral (which is where I got the name for my blog, by the way). Style is taking what you like and what suits your personality and body type and creating an expression of yourself. When I really feel like “me” in an outfit, I know that I’ve hit my personal style just right. Style is always experimenting and trying something new, even if it fails – you’ll never grow if you don’t at least try! Style also changes, sometimes due to time and aging, or a change in circumstance (my job allows me to be fairly creative in my sartorial choices), or just through one’s own personal growth, but it has a timeless quality that never looks stale or dated like trendy fashions eventually do.

Any advice for a woman who is starting to find her personal style?
Don’t be afraid to try something different; don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Embrace who you are – right now! – and wear what you love, and to hell with what other people think! Be yourself and enjoy your clothes!

***
The purpose of the Friday True Fashionista series is to show women who use clothing to express their personal style. Each woman has a different, unique look and opinion on clothing and fashion. These women inspire me in my clothing choices, and possibly their bold sartorial statements will inspire you. Stay tuned, there will be a featured True Fashionista every Friday. And if you know of a True Fashionista in your life, tell us about her in the comments... you never know she may end up being featured!

Follow Me on Bloglovin | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram Wardrobe Oxygen by Alison Gary is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/p/contact.html.

 

Hopefully Laura Spencer (Genie Francis), Scotty Baldwin (Kin Shriner) and Lucy Coe (Lynn Herring) didn't book round trip tickets to Port Charles, because they aren't going anywhere! As for Bobbie Spencer, R.N. (Jackie Zeman), our favorite nightingale will soon exit PC, but could return.

TV Guide Magazine's Michael Logan got the deets from General Hospital scribe Ron Carlivati, who also revealed Brenda (Vanessa Marcil) will stick around through the end of the Michael/Brenda/Carly/Sonny arc. Carlivati also shared who else he had on his wish list, including John Stamos (ex-Blackie). Said Carlivati:

There has been a long series of miscommunications with John. I asked to have him at the ball — along with Demi Moore, Ricky Martin and a hugely ridiculous wish list — but then reality set in. We heard back that John was unavailable or uninterested. Then came word that he was indeed interested but at that point the Nurses Ball had been written. We tried to write in a cameo that had him in one episode of the ball, but it was never as simple as just having him play the drums. John said he wanted to do something more, something where he could really act, so I came up with an arc that had his character, Blackie, getting out of Pentonville Prison and having to adjust to life on the outside. But, at that point, John seemed to be committed to a lot of other projects so it's dead, at least for now. But I still have hope it will happen. We plan to keep celebrating our 50th anniversary all year and there are many more returns in the works. It certainly ain't over!
  READ MORE

One of the most talented stars ever to grace daytime television is on her way to Port Charles, New York, according to several sources. We're hearing As The World Turns and The Young and the Restless alum Maura West is joining the cast of ABC Daytime's General Hospital in a top secret role. Keep checking back with Daytime Confidential as this casting bombshell develops!
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Jacket: Rubbish | Tank: Ann Taylor (similar) | Jeans: Gap | Shoes: c/o ECCO | Bracelets: JewelMint, old, c/o lifetherapy | Sunglasses: Gas Station in Kentucky | Watch: c/o WatchCo
This morning I decided to make an outfit around my new watch. WatchCo let me pick a watch of my choice, I haven't worn one in eons and have been wanting one, so I picked one of their Citizen watches. I Instagrammed my watch-filled arm party the other day but haven't yet featured it on the blog. So my hair was damp, I put in some beach waving stuff I never tried before, and decided to go up in the attic, grab some warm weather clothes and create an ensemble. Well actually, I decided I wanted to wear my white shirt with my Banana Republic red skirt. I know I said the white shirt was too big, but my body is bigger than it was last year so I thought it may work.

The shirt is a no-iron style but everything needs a bit of heat after being shoved in a Rubbermaid bin for a few months. So I got all steamy in the attic, then whipped out the iron which got me even more steamy. And Emerson's asking what I am doing, can she watch, can she try, can I teach her. And time is ticking, I need to leave for work. I'm hungry, I'm short on time, I'm sweaty and I just showered and I try on the shirt... and it still is too big. It looks too crisp, too much like I am wearing my husband's shirt. I try a black boatneck tee with elbow-length sleeves. Too severe of colors. I try a striped tee, felt too cliche. I try the white shirt with cropped pants and feel fat and frumpy. But this time my hair has started drying in crispy curls a la 1989 Alison. And Emerson wants Bunny Fruit Snacks. Please. Please. Please. Please. Pleasssssseeeeeee Mommy I NEEEEEEED BUNNNNNY FRUITTTTT SNACKKKKKKSSSSSSS!

So I told Emerson I needed a moment, if she could go into her room and pick out her outfit for the day. I calmly closed the door, locked it, and slammed a pillow a dozen times into the bed and screamed a bit into said pillow and stripped off all the clothes that made me hot and feel fat and laid down spread eagle on the bed and did some yoga breathing until I literally and figuratively calmed down. And then I just grabbed what was sitting on the cedar chest at the foot of the bed - jeans I wore this weekend, a tank that was just washed and not yet put away, a jacket I have been deciding whether to keep or not. Grabbed a barrette to hold back my mall bangs, put on enough makeup to not have coworkers ask if I was okay and moved on.

We all have those days. And while this outfit is NOT what I should be wearing to work, it's not awful. It makes me glad that I regularly purge my wardrobe of stained, stretched out, faded, and super duper unflattering clothes. Because we all have these days, these days where we say (pardon my French) FUCK IT and just put on clothes so you're not arrested for indecent exposure. And life's a lot better when those fuck it clothes doesn't make you even more miserable and stressed out.

Take care of yourself, and prepare for those fuck it moments. Get rid of the unflattering, the poor condition, the pieces that give you low self esteem. Slowly build up a wardrobe of loungewear that is flattering as well as comfortable, weekend clothes that you can wear outside your home and backyard. You'll thank yourself when the next time one of these days hits.

And this jacket? I guess it's a keeper!

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Wardrobe Oxygen by Alison Gary is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/p/contact.html.