I’m not entirely sure why Michael Shanks (aka TimTimFed) decided to create a video in which Djokovic faces off with an M-1 Abrams tank in a tennis match. Apparently, in addition to being massive killing machines and grills, they also make for formidable racquet sport opponents.
I don’t want to spoil anything, but this ends as you might expect. RIP, Djokovic.
[h/t Happy Place]
The extent to which our personalities determine aspects of our lives and health has increasingly been the subject of research over the last few years. There was the suggestion, for example, that being a morning person or a night owl might reveal a lot about our personality. But scientifically speaking, what do we actually mean by our “personality”?
For a period of time in the mid to late '00s I worked as a marketing coordinator at a mid-sized corporate law firm here in Seattle. My job on a day-to-day basis involved maintaining contact databases for attorneys, updating the website, sending out party invitations, and ensuring that our people were at the right events and aware of the people they needed to meet. My job as a whole was to ensure the work of the firm continued to flow (and given the timing, really to make sure it did not ebb disastrously) but nothing I did actually contributed to the legal work that the firm was doing. I didn’t look at cases, I didn’t read briefs, I didn’t cross-examine anyone. Obviously. I was a marketing coordinator at a mid-sized corporate law firm. It was about as thrilling as you might expect.
And I wasn’t very good at my job. It wasn’t that I couldn’t be good at it (though given my age, drinking habits, and commitment to projects outside the firm, I was never going to be great at it). I did the bare minimum, but I never mustered more. Again, perhaps it was just the late nights, but I think my issues ran deeper. Because my labor was so minimal and had nothing to do with the product, which itself was so nebulous (legal work as product, Christ), I was constantly filled with dread. My own insignificance, so obvious, manifested in my actions. (Which is to say this is not a dig on marketing generally, just the idea of totally disassociated work… if you do marketing and work at an ad agency? Or a sales firm? Good on you, I guess.)
This all has to do with Marshawn Lynch, but not in the way you might think.
Yes, Lynch is the exact opposite of what I was; his work is central to the creation of the product of football, and the labor he exerts is so obvious and physically rigorous, that if he doesn’t want to go in for extra-curricular activities like talking to the media on Super Bowl media day, good on him. If he wants to turn his silence into a form of anti-corporate performance art, all the better.
Also Marshawn Lynch is a fascinating human, and Andrew Sharp’s profile of him on Grantland today is a must read.
But more than Lynch, I think my crap marketing-coordination explains why Lynch is making a lot of people in notional positions of power around the NFL flip their shit. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, [insert name of awful talk radio host here], advertisers, whomever. And I think the answer is that everyone outside of Lynch is a marketing coordinator for football. Roger Goodell: marketing coordinator. Philadelphia journalist Marcus Hayes, who very cleverly called Marshawn Lynch, “Least Mode”: marketing coordinator. Ed Sherman of sportsjournalism.org who called upon all journalists to boycott Skittles: marketing coordinator. And, to be fair, me, Seahawks Slogger-in-chief: marketing coordinator.
The very nature of sportswriting and sports administration is increasingly unnecessary. It used to be sportswriting was the closest most people got to most games, and the state of the sport itself was so fragile that the commissioner’s job was of existential importance to the league. With the proliferation of distribution models for how to see sports, what matters are the players and broadcasts. Everything else is window dressing. And that window dressing, that had been so crucial to growing the sport of football in the pre-Red Zone Channel era, is lashing out. What we’re witnessing is a bunch of children punishing Lynch for their own insignificance, and doing so poorly. Being—as Richard Sherman might put it—as mediocre at their jobs as I was at legal marketing.
I know very few people outside of sports media who dislike Lynch or his antics. Those who do (excepting the worst hot-takers) primarily do so because he draws focus away from similar complaints about the NFL from more articulate teammates (like Richard Sherman and Michael Bennett). I think that critique is off-base. What comes through most clearly in Sharp’s piece on Lynch is the awe, respect, love, and admiration Lynch receives from people who play or coach the game, whose labor is the product of football. It makes me feel, as someone functionally publicizing a product I only kind of believe in, like my duty is to make Lynch’s job easier, more respected, more well-known. It's not my job to harass or harangue Lynch, it's my job to make who he really is visible. It's a great job, and it's only slightly harder than regurgitating athlete-speak bullshit. And I've come to hate those doing the opposite, because they too have great jobs, and they’re shirking.
BridgetGODDAMNIT
Originally called "Venice of America," Venice was founded in 1905 by tobacco millionaire Abbot Kinney as a 14-mile beach resort town. He constructed the area on beachy marshland, and for that many called it "Kinney's Folly." [ more › ]
Who needs vaccines when you have organic food and chiropractic therapy? [ 
The reconstruction of Princess Ukok is on display at the museum in Germany. Pictures: Marcel Nyffenegger pic.twitter.com/f0of8ahqKV — rougier (@laurencerougie5) January 27, 2015
For those of you not up on your early ’90s archaeological breakthroughs (guilty), back in 1993 Novosibirsk scientist Natalia Polosmak excavated the remains of “Princess Ukok,” a mummified woman whose elaborate tattoos are still the best-preserved body art to ever be discovered. The skin above the mummy’s neck had deteriorated by the time she was found; but now, thanks to the efforts of renowned taxidermist Marcel Nyffenegger, the Princess has revealed her face again for the first time in over 2,500 years.
Using a 3D model of the princess’ skull, Nyffenegger spent a month recreating her facial muscles, skin structure, and eyes, adding eyebrows and eyelashes once the model was covered in a plastic and resin mixture. Recreating her hair took two weeks, 100,000 strands, and a lot of patience on Nyffenegger’s part: “That two weeks took me to the brink of insanity. I didn’t spend more than two or three hours a day on that part because it was very boring and neck pain literally forced me to do something else.” Still, Nyffenegger is confident that his hard work paid off in accuracy:
With such a soft tissue reconstruction, purely based on the bone structure, we have achieved an accuracy of 75 per cent of the former appearance of the woman. The remaining 25 per cent was our interpretation since, for example, we were missing parts of the nasal bone and thus an accurate reconstruction was not possible. The skull itself shows where the muscles were located and which form and thickness they had and shows the points at which the skin lied directly on the bone. And as for the facial expressions, it is important that I feel the person that I am creating. The more information the archaeologists give me, such as in which climate the people lived, what they ate, and if they were a warrior or a farmer, then the better I can do.
Although it’s obviously easy to romanticize the small amount scientists know about the princess’ life, the story her remains tell is undeniably compelling. The Ukok Princess may have passed away from injuries after a fall, but her remains indicate she also had breast cancer, leading some to surmise that she self-medicated using cannabis. Skeletal clues that indicate she was celibate and items found in her burial chamber also imply that she may have had a spiritually significant high status. One thing we know for sure: she had some rad tattoos. The Siberian Times describes the Princess’ surprisingly modern-looking body art:
On her left shoulder was a fantastical mythological animal made up of a deer with a griffon’s beak and a Capricorn’s antlers. The antlers themselves were decorated with the heads of griffons. The mouth of a spotted panther with a long tail could also be seen, and she had a deer’s head on her wrist.
When the remains were moved to a museum in Novosibirsk soon after being exhumed, elders claimed that archaeologists had opened up an entrance to the kingdom of the dead, and that interference with her burial chamber would cause natural disasters. But according to The Siberian Times, Ukok and her new bust may soon go home once and for all: “the revered princess could finally be repatriated to her original resting place in the Ukok plateau, with a beautiful mausoleum built on top.” (via The Siberian Times and Jezebel) Are you following The Mary Sue on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, & Google +?
Bridgetoral hydration is always a better option though since it doesn't run the risk of blowing your veins. it will be interesting to see if this happens with repeat customers.
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The author stands in front of the Hangover Club's bus. All photos by Taji Ameen
On a cold January Sunday in Manhattan, a block-spanning black bus with yellow details squatted outside the Royal, a sports bar near Union Square on Fourth Avenue. It was 11 AM, that ugly late-morning period when the city's hungover would be skulking down the street to get an egg sandwich, a smoothie, another beer, or whatever could stop the pounding in their heads. And that's what the bus was offering—for prices starting at $129, you could walk in and get a licensed doctor to pump you full of vitamins and medication through an IV, presumably enabling you to pop into the bar for a pint in time for the impending NFL playoff game.
The inside of the bus resembled a cross between a Wall Street bro's man cave and a clinic waiting room: leather couches and a TV at the front, a treatment area discreetly tucked behind a curtain in the back. Three women with IVs in their arms sat in silence, absentmindedly clicking through Instagram the way people do when there's nothing else going on.
The bus belongs to a company called the Hangover Club, which was founded by Asa Kitfield, the son of a doctor who knows his way around a morning-after headache. Kitfield told me that when he was a kid he'd get IVs or B-12 shots from his father whenever he was sick. As an adult, he heard about getting saline drips for hangovers, and during a trip to Miami for his bachelor party, he received one himself.
"We had a friend who was a nurse who came to my party and hooked us up with some bags," he said. "Within an hour I was feeling amazing, and thought, Wow, there's definitely something here. The first time was just a bag of saline, and I thought this was really cool, but we could improve on this."
So last year he partnered with Dr. Joshua Beer (his actual name), to set up an on-demand IV service for treating hangovers and offering "health and wellness drips." People who are skeptical of the enterprise might scoff at the idea that IV treatments can mend you any faster than a diner breakfast and coffee, or they might balk at the absurd price tag. Or you might just see a service offering a hangover cure that's endorsed by a doctor, feel the echo of last night pulse through your entire body, and go, OK, I'll pay it, whatever it is, just make it stop.
[body_image width='874' height='430' path='images/content-images/2015/01/29/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/01/29/' filename='i-tried-to-cure-my-hangover-with-an-iv-drip-on-a-party-bus-body-image-1422546831.png' id='22525']The Hangover Club's prices. Image courtesy of the Hangover Club
While hangovers have presumably been around as long as alcohol, scientists have never officially determined what causes them. In a 2014 story for Wired called "Everything Science Knows About Hangovers—And How to Cure Them," writer Adam Rogers explained that it "wasn't until the past decade or so that researchers even agreed to define hangover with a common group of symptoms." Obviously, that hasn't stopped humans from inventing various folk remedies over the millennia—one, from tenth-century Baghdad, involves sipping water and eating a hearty stew. In other words, the ideas behind hangover cures haven't changed much.
But the 21st century demands that the old ways of doing things are "disrupted," or at least rendered sleek and expensive. In recent years "hangover therapy" has become a trend, with a variety of companies selling mobile treatment packages where a doctor or nurse comes to your home, hotel, or office with an intravenous pick-me-up. The New York Times recently published a feature on this kind of hangover solution, noting that it's become "increasingly common in spas, specialty clinics, doctors' offices, and now house-call services... all that's required is a vein, an hour, and a few hundred dollars."
New York's most popular hangover-cure business is probably the I.V. Doctor, which was started in 2014 by surgeon Adam Nadelson and his urologist father and has now expanded to the Hamptons, San Francisco, Chicago, and Los Angeles. The company's hangover solution includes at least 1,000 milliliters of lactated ringers—the stuff in IV bags that rehydrates you—along with vitamins B and C, though you can get packages with medications that fight heartburn, nausea, or pain.
As the Times story pointed out, the formula is almost identical to the Myers' Cocktail, the intravenous nutrient deficiency and dehydration cure created by Dr. John Myers in the 60s.
"It's not a new tool," Nadelson told me over the phone, "It's just a way of providing it." Or rather, imbuing the tool with enough glamour that work-hard-play-hard types are willing to spend hundreds of dollars (after probably spending hundreds more on booze the night before) on something that doesn't sound any more sophisticated than a coconut water.
The Hangover Club relies on similar branding—the company's Instagram account is filled with the types of drinking and hangover jokes you'd find on Bro Bible or Total Frat Move—though it has one thing the I.V. Doctor doesn't: the bus, which lets hungover people commiserate while their feeble, liquor-ridden bodies suck up vitamins.
When I asked what sets his business apart from the competition, however, Kitfield emphasized the science-y side of things: "It's probably our protocols—we're the only ones who offer the vitamins we offer, such as a Glutathione detox push, which is a very cool, master antioxidant to clean the free radicals out of your body that build up after a night of heavy drinking."
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Not that the company encourages alcohol consumption, of course. "We don't really want to support more drinking," said Kitfield. "We look at this therapy like a whoops button. Maybe you didn't eat dinner last night, went out with friends, three vodka sodas turned into too many, and you have something to do today where you can't be hung over, then we're that whoops button that brings you back and lets you continue on with your day."
(It's worth noting that the Hangover Club isn't in the business of helping to cure the aches and pains resulting from coke or ecstasy use. "This is strictly for dehydration and those other symptoms," said Kitfield. "We don't service people under the influence of illegal drugs because there are too many risks associated with that.")
Kitfield's competitors have criticized his lack of medical experience and see his bus as a risky attention-grabbing gimmick. "Having a bus outside a bar is dangerous," said Nadelson. "If someone comes out from the bar drunk and just gets on the bus, you don't know their blood alcohol content levels. You don't know how they will react to the IV."
Entrepreneurs offering hangovers cures have plenty of incentive to resort to publicity stunts and badmouthing one another in the press—most of what they do comes down to marketing. None of the companies offering literal shots in the arm or IV drips for hangovers have patented any products, and there's no such thing as an FDA-endorsed hangover cure.
Dr. Damaris Rohsenow, an alcohol and drug abuse researcher at Brown University, who also co-founded the Alcohol Hangover Research Group, doubts that these businesses are really providing any useful service. "In all the years I have been conducting hangover research, I have seen no studies validating any commercial products," she told me over email. "There is no evidence to support the use of vitamins as a hangover remedy, and there is no evidence at all that electrolytes would have any role in reducing hangover by any mechanisms." She added that a there is "no need for a costly IV drip, since you are perfectly able to drink water" to counteract your dehydration.
In other words, lying around in bed and nursing yourself back to some semblance of health is about as effective as getting a medical professional to pump you full of fancy water.
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The author with an IV in his arm on the Hangover Club bus
I was allowed to try the Hangover Club's most expensive service, the Mega Package, which is $249 if they come to your house and $169 on the bus. It's chock full of prescription-grade nausea and headache pain medication, "Super B's Vitamin Booster," the Glutathion detox push, liquid magnesium, and a high dose of vitamin C. Plus, they offered me a beer—"two beers for the price of one," someone said in reference to Dr. Beer.
I filled out a medical history form, like at any doctor's office, and the staff nurse was professional and friendly as she brought me to the treatment area and stuck a tube into my arm. At first, I was overwhelmed by the smell of plastic coming off the hypodermic needle, then after a few minutes my face flushed with warmth as my veins began gulping down that sweet, sweet saline. The nurse commented on how I was absorbing the treatment particularly fast, then told me a story about a customer who got nauseous at the beginning of the drip and vomited all over the bus. She didn't say if she was able to remove the needle first.
The women getting the treatment said it worked for them, and I couldn't deny I felt better, but I wasn't all the way restored to health. I was a bit too alert, slightly jittery, blurry around the edges. Then again, maybe that's the perfect mood to walk into a bar with and start partying again.
Follow Zach Sokol on Twitter.
It's becoming clear that the humble LAN party is becoming an outdated concept in the modern world of gaming.
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The "definitive version" of Quantic Dream's Indigo Prophecy is now available on PC, Mac and Linux via Steam as well as iOS. Crafted by porting specialist Aspyr Media, the updated version of the "supernatural murder mystery game" goes by the name Fahr...
An avid enthusiast of mythology and cartography, Toronto-based artist Bailey Henderson sculpts the fearsome sea creatures depicted on medieval and Renaissance-era maps. She brings her bronze sculptures to life with acrylic paint and powdered pigment, creating dimensional versions of the mythical beasts sailors once feared. There's Ziphius, a bird-faced orca rumored to slice boats in half with its dorsal fin; the cockatrice, a rooster-dragon known to kill by breathing on its victims; and the pinniped, a dog-like seal with protruding tusks. Henderson's work is often whimsical and humorous, and brings with it a bit of history that makes it all the more fascinating.
Bridgetthis is essentially my childhood. man i'd love to get my hands on a copy of full throttle or sam & max
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Just a couple of girls cosplaying as (Day of the) Tentacles. Photo via ACParadise
The Secret of Monkey Island. Star Wars: X-Wing. Full Throttle. Grim Fandango. The history of LucasArts (originally Lucasfilm Games) is a list of legends and fond memories that can't take full credit for the 1990s' reputation as the golden age of gaming but certainly deserves its share. In its prime, the company's iconic logo on a box was a mark of quality in a way the likes of Nintendo's gold seal of licensing could only dream of. Even now, after what may as well have been a concentrated effort to piss all that good will down the drain, it's the good times people remember.
Lucasfilm Games was started in 1982, midway through the first Star Wars trilogy. It was an odd project, set up partly to explore the possibilities of computer gaming—but mostly to soak up the profits of Star Wars and Indiana Jones instead of paying mountains of taxes. At this point, George Lucas largely stepped away, with former studio head Peter Langston describing the studio's official mandate as "Stay small, be the best, and don't lose any money."
[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/VVpulhO3jyc' width='640' height='480']
Lucasfilm Games' 'Habitat' promotional video
The small team immediately set to work creating games with names like Rescue on Fractalus! and Ballblazer and Koronis Rift—and if a certain movie franchise is notable by its absence there, it's deliberate. Early on, Star Wars was officially off-limits, with the arcade games actually being made by Atari. Instead, Lucasfilm Games set about creating its own properties, exploring complex 3-D technologies for Fractalus, even creating a revolutionary MMO/virtual world called Habitat for the Commodore 64. This was a huge achievement in 1985.
The first defining release, though, came in 1987 with the launch of 1980s horror pastiche Maniac Mansion, created by programmer Ron Gilbert and artist Gary Winnick—both currently working on a spiritual successor, Thimbleweed Park. It wasn't the first graphic adventure, but it established the pattern that most continue to follow—as well as inventing the term "cutscene" and popularizing the idea of interactions through verbs.
Maniac Mansion is still a staggeringly complex game by modern standards, with multiple paths, the mansion's inhabitants able to move around, and seven characters (of which you get to pick three) with their own skills. Punkette Razor could use her music skills to help a tentacle dreaming of being a rock star, while geek Bernard could repair, and surfer Jeff could—well, there were six characters with skills; you can look the rest of them up.
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Maniac Mansion
Maniac Mansion opened the door for The Secret of Monkey Island, also headed up by Gilbert, along with Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, which many fans still consider Indy's unofficial fourth adventure, intricate time-travel puzzle-box Day of the Tentacle, and of course Tim Schafer's Grim Fandango, re-released in remastered form on January 27.
LucasArts (for now it had become that) adventures are still held up as the pinnacle of the genre. They've held up extremely well, too, with Full Throttle arguably better now than it was at its release in 1995. Modern gaming tastes are far more in sync with its short but cinematic approach to biking adventure.
Every one of the adventures would raise the bar in some way. Fate of Atlantis offered three paths, for whether you preferred your Indy to use his wits, fists, or team up with medium Sophia Hapgood. Monkey Island established the Three Trials puzzle structure that adventures still rely on to keep players interested when stuck somewhere. Day of the Tentacle and Sam and Max Hit the Road were living cartoons. In addition, the company's roots in moviemaking pushed it to innovations that may seem obvious now but weren't at the time, such as getting real actors to voice game characters instead of just casting around the office.
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Full Throttle
While this was going on, of course, the company finally embraced Star Wars, starting with 1993's X-Wing—notable for being the work of flight-simulator designers. It worked because it treated the famous spaceships as much as craft that took skill to fly as wish-fulfilment fantasies, wrapping the experience into military campaigns any Star Wars fan would be proud to serve in. LucasArts would follow on in style for the next few years, treating their access to the license as a rare opportunity to play in such a beloved world, not just a license to print money. TIE Fighter. Jedi Knight. Even Rebel Assault (though that one didn't go down as well).
However, by the end of the 1990s, that was changing. As beloved as most of LucasArts games were, sales didn't always go hand in hand with popularity. The Secret of Monkey Island itself was no huge success, and Grim Fandango isn't believed to have cracked half a million. Star Wars games, however, routinely did big business, even the less-good ones like Rebel Assault.
Finally, it happened. Around the launch of The Phantom Menace in 1999, LucasArts embraced the dark side and began churning out lesser-quality Star Wars crap. Force Commander. Episode One. Racer. Obi-Wan. There were some highlights, including Star Wars Galaxies (which didn't quite work out, but was a solid attempt), and Bioware's Knights of the Old Republic, but no longer was the LucasArts logo a reason to buy anything. Especially promises.
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Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge
Stories of bad blood from this era are not hard to find, from inside and outside, while beyond the walls of LucasArts new studios and franchises like Uncharted were routinely eating the company's lunch. The old guard was long gone, leaving the the glory days of LA a distant memory.
Things finally got so bad that even LucasArts had to admit it. In 2011, President Paul Meegan (one of four in just ten years) declared: "In recent years, LucasArts hasn't always done a good job of making games. We should be making games that define our medium, that are competitive with the best of our industry, but we're not. That has to change."
But in the end, it didn't. Just two years later, Disney purchased the Lucas empire. As of April 2013, LucasArts was shut down, with what remained of it charged solely to license Star Wars properties to other developers. At this point, it wasn't so much execution as euthanasia.
[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/mi_uHSTbL6g' width='640' height='360']
Grim Fandango remastered for the PlayStation 4
The irony is that—for adventure gamers, at least—this has an upside. Previously, LucasArts had canned an allegedly 80 percent complete remake of Day of the Tentacle, in the style of the (crap, beset with production difficulties) The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition, and its far, far better sequel. Under Disney, it's actually happening: Once Tim Schafer's Double Fine Studios has released the Grim Fandango remaster, it's going to see this newDay of the Tentacle through to completion.
It seems unlikely that Disney will throw any money behind any brand-new games or sequels in the style of these LucasArts originals, but even Schafer has described getting this much as "a miracle."
"There were just some people at Disney, Sony, and Lucasfilm that care about these games," he said to Polygon at December 2014's PlayStation Experience event. "They're old enough that some of these people who are executives played them when they were kids."
If they do well enough, at least they've got potential friends in high places. We'll just have to see whether nostalgia is enough to squeeze another Full Throttle into existence. Whatever happens, it's a tribute to LucasArts that fans still choose to remember them at their best, not for their slow and painful fall from grace and gaming royalty. Very few companies deserve that favor, or have created as many memories worth holding onto forever.
Follow Richard on Twitter.
PSA: Steam currently has both seasons of The Walking Dead on sale for 75% off ($6.24 each). The sale ends January 30th.
We have a lot to say about The Walking Dead games, and now’s a good chance to try this occasionally frustrating, usually wonderful series if you haven’t already. We want to hear how you shaped Clementine’s story! -Stacey
This game is fantastic followers, with two lead characters of color and a lot of decisions to make that shape the story it is well worth the look. Go grab them while they are on sale!
Didnt get to Littletopia at the L.A. Art Show this year? Feel like you were there by reading #beautifulbizarre ‘s amazing review https://beautifulbizarre.net/2015/01/25/littletopia-la-art-show-2015/
And experience the 15 fabulous galleries & their work, including: Red Truck Gallery, Thinkspace Gallery (Culver City, CA), Roq La Rue Gallery (Seattle, WA), La Luz De Jesus Gallery (Los Angeles, CA), Spoke Art (San Francisco, CA), Hashimoto Contemporary (San Francisco, CA), Copro Gallery (Santa Monica, CA), Ace Gallery (Los Angeles, CA), Fifty24MX (Mexico City, Mexico), Artists Republic 4 Tomorrow (Laguna Beach, CA), Estudio Antena (Vicente Lopez, Argentina), Corey Helford Gallery (Culver City, CA), Gauntlet Gallery (San Francisco, CA), Sloan Fine Art (NYC/LA), and Art Center College of Design (Pasadena, CA)
On Monday afternoon, Apple released its financial report about its most recent quarter (the three-month period that ended on December 27, 2014). The overall picture was bright — the company reported the largest quarterly profits of any company ever, and its stock went up as a result.
But for ordinary people, it's an interesting window into a company that, as the world's biggest, serves as an important indicator of the entire state of the global economy. Here are seven things we learned from the report:
(Justin Sullivan/Getty)
In the first quarter of 2014, the iPhone accounted for 56 percent of Apple's revenue. In the first quarter of 2015, that rose to a staggering 69 percent.
At this point, Apple is basically an iPhone company with a few other side businesses.
(Feng Li/Getty)
It sometimes seems like everyone either already has an iPhone, or else is a confirmed Apple hater who's never going to join the sheeple. But in fact, iPhone revenue grew 57 percent year-on-year.
Some of that reflects the introduction of the higher-priced iPhone 6 Plus and other efforts at upselling, but the big story here is a mind-boggling 46 percent increase in the number of iPhones sold.
(Feng Li/Getty)
Apple's business in the Western Hemisphere grew "only" about 20 percent this year, with much of that probably happening outside the United States. The real growth engine was "Greater China" (including Hong Kong) where revenue grew 70 percent.
(Pool/Getty)
Meanwhile, revenue in the "Rest of Asia" (excluding China and Japan) grew at a very respectable 33 percent. But that reflects slower growth from a lower base than the company saw in Greater China.
Far and away the largest component of the "Rest of Asia" is India — where, evidently, people aren't yet buying many iPhones. The country is considerably poorer than China and at this point probably few of its citizens can afford one. A pickup in Indian growth could be very bullish for Apple.
(Justin Sullivan/Getty)
At one point it looked like the iPad might become a second monster business for Apple. Instead, both units shipped and revenue declined somewhat year over year. This is still a very successful product in the scheme of things, but it's no iPhone and it's possible that nothing else ever will be.
(Feng Li/Getty)
Apple scored a 9 percent year-on-year increase in Mac revenue, driven by a 14 percent increase in sales. That's small potatoes compared to the iPhone situation. But in the context of an overall PC market that's shrinking, it's fairly remarkable. As a product category, desktop and laptop computers are in decline. But within the market there's been a marked shift in favor of Apple's machines.
(AMC)
Apple earned $18 billion in profits last quarter, about the GDP of Honduras and considerably more than Amazon has earned in its entire lifespan as a company. That's the most money the company has ever made. Indeed, it's the most money any company has ever made in a single quarter, leaving ExxonMobil's $15.9 billion quarter in 2012 in the dust. This is fueled by gross margins of about 40 percent, a ridiculously high number for a company selling hardware in competitive markets.
Look at this video. Just look at it. Forget the stilted narration by Bran Stark and just look at those goddamn cities and mountains. It is amazing what a group of driven people can do with enough creativity and time.
Bridgethad this really happened this would've been one of her more commendable accomplishments.
One of the best things about living in L.A. is that there's never a dull moment when it comes to our nightlife. [ more › ]
The humble Raspberry Pi has been inspiring clever hacks for years, but it's never too late to pick one up to play around with yourself, especially at these prices.
Telegenic white women don't disappear mysteriously or get indicted for gruesome murders every day, and Nancy Grace needs something to talk about when she can't scrape up a Casey Anthony. It seems she's decided to wage war on that devil weed mary jane, which is ironic, because no one needs pot more than Nancy Grace.
Bridget“Marshawn Lynch, Earthling For Life.” - who never wants to talk to anyone ever.
while i could care less about football i adore the seahawks solely because they are operating at troll level 9 at this point.
We’re deep into the insufferableness of no football before really important football, and I’m already feeling anxious. Anxious enough to buy some Mariners opening day tickets. Anxious enough to comb through over a hundred dip recipes to pull out nine to make for Sunday. Anxious enough to watch the end of last Sunday’s game 35 more times. Anxious enough to decide that God is sending a message about his intentions through the weather of Seattle and Boston. Anxious enough to smoke that Marshawn Lynch pot to soothe my nerves. It’s mostly helping. (I got it from Green Umbrella.)
What isn’t helping my anxiety though? Super Bowl bullshit week! Christ almighty is it chock full o’ bullshit! To be clear, there are only three possible interesting pieces of Super Bowl news that could come out this week:
• Confirmation of Earl Thomas’ injury status.
• Confirmation of Richard Sherman’s injury status.
• Confirmation of Tom Brady’s injury status. (What? HE COULD TOTALLY GET INJURED!)
But the hype machine must continue! So what do we get instead of anything good? This shit:
More Deflategate shenanigans!
Patriots head coach and infamous super villain Bill Belichick gave a press conference (wearing a suit!) in which he said nothing using more words than it usually takes for him to say nothing. Also the NFL has decided that a “person of interest” (read: a fucking ballboy) has come to light. Yeah. A ballboy for an NFL team, of his own accord in the AFC Championship game, deflated 11 of the team's 12 official balls.
Yeah.
Hey, New England. WHY NOT JUST ADMIT YOU DID THIS AND LOSE A DRAFT PICK? The ball jokes were fun for a while, but I can’t anymore. I just can’t with this shit.
Prop bets!
Want to bet on Katy Perry’s hair color for the halftime show? Wanna bet on Marshawn Lynch grabbing his crotch? Wanna get less than even-money on a coin flip? Well, the Super Bowl is an opportunity to bet on anything, and I guess there are worse ways to light money on fire.
Vegas casinos will only let you bet on things that happen on the field. But the internet? The internet will let you bet on anything.
Anything.
Also, this is a good place to note the money in Vegas is coming in heavy on the Patriots. America thinks the Patriots will win. Last year they thought the Broncos were going to win. Jermaine Kearse, any thoughts?
Cornerbacks saying dumb things!
Former Seahawk and current Patriot Brandon Browner said he would tell teammates to go try to aggravate Richard Sherman and Earl Thomas’ injuries. Which is kinda shitty, because they’re all Legion of Boom guys, but also they all play football, so I’m gonna let this slide. But that’s it, Browner! One more step out of line like that and The Stranger will spread santorum on you.
I wonder what Browner could mean? Hmmm…
Meanwhile, Seahawks cornerback Jeremy Lane said Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski is "not that good." This set off a firestorm, so I’m going to step in and defend Lane. Is Gronkowski the best tight end in football? Yes. Is he the best receiving threat in football? No. Not even close. And if Gronkowski is your best receiving weapon, that means your receiving weapons are not so good.
Also, who are the other great tight ends in the NFL? Greg Olsen? Didn’t do much against the Seahawks. Jimmy Graham? Also didn’t do much against the Seahawks. Vernon Davis? Still has post-traumatic stress dreams about Kam Chancellor.
We're going to be okay.
The Fucking Pro Bowl!
The Pro Bowl happened, and hopefully you didn’t watch it. That said, by not watching it you missed one great thing. A great thing I will show you now (thanks to Seahawks video compiling hero @Jose8BS):
That’s Earl Thomas and Richard Sherman freaking out over Golden Tate making a great catch and run in a meaningless football game. Well, mostly Sherman freaking out. Earl Thomas doesn’t freak out when he gets excited. He just becomes infinitely dense for an infinitesimal amount of time and then emerges more pure. It’s weird.
An ad!
An ad?
Yes. The greatest ad of all time:
There’s a lot of gold in this Skittles ad which one hopes will cover the cost of all of Marhawn Lynch’s fines for the season, but my favorite moment is the Chyron that says: “Marshawn Lynch, Earthling For Life.” To paraphrase the old motto of one of our great local baseball blogs: Marshawn Lynch is ours and no other planet can have him.
Okay, that's enough bullshit for today. Actual Super Bowl soon. Get excited. Stay excited.
What's a pizza company to do if they want to get in on that sweet 50 Shades of Grey cash cow action, but have absolutely no promo connection to the infamous amalgam of Freaky Friend Fiction word snippets masquerading as dialogue? How about an ad referencing BDSM? OK, great, but even better: how about an ad that references BDSM while being as abjectly terrifying as humanly possible? Wait, what?
Bridgetit kind of terrifies me how many reviews have said "omg the puzzles are so hard, what were adventure gamers doing back in the 80s/90s" and i'm just dumbfounded. christ if this had been a game where you had to type in commands all the reviewers would've shot themselves.
As much as you love Grim Fandango, I promise that Grim Fandango Remastered loves it more.
