Who’ll be there for you?

It's time to find out for definite which Friends character you're most like, and how much like the others you are, too.

A new question will appear after you've given an answer. There are 14 altogether. Ready?

NBC

The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.

You’re obviously a god, but in which mythology?

Like, you know, whatever.

Shop for a brand-new doggy identity.

If you've ever been shopping on Amazon and accidentally typed in a wrong URL, you know that Amazon's 404 page features a rotation of incredibly cute doggos belonging to Amazon employees.

amazon.com

There's no denying that chicken-fried steak is a culinary icon of Texas. But what if we told you it didn't originate in Texas at all? Read More

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Wednesday by the American Sociological Association, approximately 73 percent of all marble statuettes of the Greek mythological figure Achilles are used to bludgeon a wealthy dowager to death. “Our research shows that almost two-thirds of marble statuettes depicting Achilles brandishing a sword and shield are at some point used to strike and ultimately kill a widow who inherited the vast fortune of her late husband,” said study co-author Emily Reyment, adding that in over half of documented cases, the large figurine is silently picked up from a pedestal or mantel before being held high over the unsuspecting elderly woman after she had turned away to pour another cup of tea for her guest. “After crushing the dowager’s skull, 22 percent of the blood-stained statuettes are frantically wiped down with a handkerchief and then hidden in the hollow of a grandfather clock, while 15 ...

COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA—As he trumpeted his comprehensive knowledge of the manifold ways that the religious group has colluded to consolidate global power, sources confirmed Wednesday that local man Will Logan, an expert on the international Jewish conspiracy, has never been more than 40 miles outside of Council Bluffs, IA. “The banks, the media, Hollywood—they control it all,” said Logan, a leading authority on the shadowy cabal of Jewry that spans every nation on earth, as well as a man who has never ventured as far as Des Moines, driven for more than an hour in any direction, or boarded an airplane. “They write all the laws themselves and just hand them to the politicians. All those elected officials, they’re just puppets.” Logan, who has also never read a history book, later described how the conspiracy went back centuries.

Got a jar of blackstrap in the pantry? For the love of all that is sweet and delicious, please don't use it as a substitute for true molasses. Read More

Drumroll please…

♫ I’m leavin’ on a jet plane ♫

Due to a spike in demand, Penguin is printing 75,000 new copies of George Orwell’s dystopian novel 1984, currently a bestseller on Amazon. What do you think?

Oxfam International reports that Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Carlos Slim, Jeff Bezos, Amancio Ortega, Larry Ellison, and Michael Bloomberg have a collective net worth of $426 billion, as much as the world’s poorest 3.6 billion people. What do you think?

A recent survey found that six in 10 Americans did not have savings of $500 in case of unforeseen expenses. What do you think?

And I am here for the food.

BALTIMORE—According to a report published Tuesday by researchers at Johns Hopkins University, bananas remain the overwhelming fruit of choice among individuals pretending to receive a telephone call. “Our research found that when subjects simulate the act of answering a phone, the banana is their preferred fruit nearly 100 percent of the time,” said report co-author Martha Gross, who noted that when people seated near a basket of assorted fruit begin to mimic the sound of a ringing telephone, they almost invariably choose to raise a banana to their ear, eschewing all other fruits. “During our study, we never once observed anyone shouting ‘Hello?’ into an apple, pausing for several moments as if listening to the other end of a conversation while holding a peach to the side of their face, or slamming down a bunch of grapes while saying ‘Click!’ For the vast majority of people who hold imaginary ...

NEW HAVEN, CT—Noting its slumping posture, slack expression, and overall downcast appearance, sources confirmed Wednesday that a vessel for male sexual gratification was very sad today. “It definitely appears to be upset,” said sources, adding that the object that exists solely for men’s physical pleasure was presently sitting unmoving with a distant, empty stare. “It doesn’t look happy. What’s wrong with it? I don’t like the way it’s ignoring me.” At press time, sources had decided to go over to the sexual apparatus and tell it to smile.

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency:

Recipes for the ultimate traditional Thanksgiving spread, from the best caramelized sweet potatoes you've ever tasted to a classic fluffy and moist sausage stuffing to a super-creamy pumpkin pie. Read More

Print them out and hang them on your wall forever.

Macey J. Foronda / Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

Macey J. Foronda / Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

Macey J. Foronda / Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

Macey J. Foronda / Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

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“There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ‘cuz a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.”

When you start the semester off feeling invincible thanks to your newfound authority.

NBC / Via giphy.com

When you get excited about organizing meetings and activities for your house.

NBC / Via giphy.com

When you realize how much older you are than your residents.

NBC / Via popsugar.com

When you enthusiastically organize your first meeting.

NBC / Via Tenor.com

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I DID MY WAITING. TWELVE YEARS OF IT.

If you're familiar with Pottermore, the online hub for info about J.K. Rowling's wizarding world, you'll know that the sorting quiz is one of the greatest parts of the whole thing.

(I'm in Gryffindor because obviously.)

Pottermore

Well, we have to wait no longer. Because POTTERMORE HAS FINALLY RELEASED THE PATRONUS QUIZ AND OH MY GOD IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

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The quiz encourages you to ~answer instinctively~ and not ~think too hard~ because the questions are timed.

If you fail to answer a question within 5-ish seconds, it'll just move on to the next question, as I learned while trying to take this screenshot.

Pottermore

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You are what you eat.

Do you belong in the Oval Office, or in the office down the corridor?

Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

How closely do you look at your coins?

You won’t learn this alphabet in a stupid, useless library.

A is for Accountants

The only people who will ever think that Ben is the coolest person in the room.

NBC

B is for Bacon (and eggs)

As in, all of it.

NBC / Via quickmeme.com

C is for Calzones

Pizza's more attractive and tastier cousin.

NBC

D is for Duke Silver

Ron Swanson's jazz saxophone-playing alter ego who is irresistible to almost every woman.

NBC / Via Netflix

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These chickens are eating better than me.

This is Sarah Kulevich. She's 18 years old. She lives in Illinois. And between her and her sister Nicole, they have nine pet chickens.

Sarah Kulevich

Sarah Kulevich

Sarah Kulevich

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Strong Bad says - Some nerd asks about some crap that I hate like usual and I get a new computer. This is an instance of somebody asking me for something very specific and I instead do an ever-so-gentle dance around what they really want me to say and do. I love to sit back and imagine their dissatisfaction as an increasingly frustrated bald programmer type sitting in a cubicle filled with greasy empty fast food bags. But then again, I like to imagine a lotta things are frustrated bald fast food bag swimmers so, y'know, wahtever. Check out my new computer!

Find out whether or not you really do know nothing.