william

Dolby Atmos is ready for Blu-ray. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the legendary sound company has developed all the authoring tools for the studios to dleiver a theatrical Atmos mix for home use. Dolby expects the first Blu-ray titles with Dolby Atmos to arrive on the market this fall....

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Will Drew Brees lead the league in passing yards? Can AP repeat as the league’s most successful running back? Can Calvin Johnson do it one more year? Here are some odds from Bovada for the upcoming NFL season.

The most intriguing gamble has to be the one involving “which coach will be fired first?” 2-1 for Jason Garrett? Yeah, that’s a freakin’ slam dunk. Put me down for a dime on that. And by dime, I mean $10. Sorry, I’m poor.

Who will lead the League in Passing Yards in the 2014 Regular Season?

Drew Brees 11/4
Peyton Manning 11/4
Aaron Rodgers 7/1
Matthew Stafford 15/2
Tom Brady 12/1
Alex Smith 250/1

Who will lead the League in Rushing Yards in the 2014 Regular Season?

Adrian Peterson 4/1
LeSean McCoy 9/2
Jamaal Charles 7/1
Marshawn Lynch 12/1
Ray Rice 100/1

Who will lead the League in Receiving Yards in the 2014 Regular Season?

Calvin Johnson 13/5
Dez Bryant 15/2
Julio Jones 8/1
Demaryius Thomas 8/1
Sammy Watkins 100/1

Odds to Win 2014 NFL Comeback Player of the Year

Robert Griffin III 5/1
Aaron Rodgers 6/1
Julio Jones 6/1
Rob Gronkowski 7/1
Eli Manning 10/1
Darren McFadden 75/1

Who will be the 1st coach fired?

Jason Garrett 2/1
Dennis Allen 4/1
Joe Philbin 7/1
Doug Marrone 8/1
Rex Ryan 10/1

Filed under: Media, Sports Tagged: BETTING, NFL, NFL bets, NFL odds

Back when I was in college and desperate for money, I took out a payday loan — maybe even two, I can’t recall exactly, it’s all a bit of a fog now. But I do remember that the loan (or loans) was for $100 and I wound up having to pay back something like $300. So yeah, my personal opinion of payday loan operations has always been a little divided — on the one hand I was provided with some quick, easy relief so I could feed myself for a few days, but on the other hand I feel like I was fleeced at a time when I was arguably most vulnerable: when I was dead broke.

That said, it’s hard to feel any sympathy at all for the industry after watching the Last Week Tonight clip embedded above. As Oliver points out, what they do is essentially legalized loan-sharking, with the industry well-protected by shady lobbyists and politicians who have no qualms about appearances or conflicts of interest. Finally, Sarah Silverman comes in near the end of the segment to remind anyone thinking of taking out a payday loan why it’s a terrible idea. Enjoy.

Filed under: TV Tagged: JOHN OLIVER, LAST WEEK TONIGHT, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, legalized scams, payday loans

Amtrak service west and north of Rensselaer came to a halt Tuesday afternoon after a worker abandoned a burning bulldozer and the machine traveled for miles along a single rail track connecting Albany and Schenectady. The bulldozer traveled from near Fuller Road at Railroad Avenue to a spot next to the First Prize Center at Everett Road and Exchange Street, where an Amtrak worker managed to climb aboard the moving bulldozer and bring it to a stop, according to William Moore, battalion chief of the Albany Fire Department. Trains were held at the Rensselaer and Schenectady stations while Amtrak crews checked to make sure the track and signals weren't damaged.

Our long national nightmare is over. We finally have a mashup of the Beastie Boys’ “So What’cha Want” and footage from Sesame Street. It was tense there for awhile, but Adam Schleichkorn of Mylo the Cat and Is This How You Go Viral has made it happen at long last. He’s he same guy behind the “Get Lucky” Sesame Street mashup. Between his work and the guy lip dubbing Cookie Monster with Tom Waits’ “God’s Away On Business” and “Hell Broke Luce”, we’ve got to wonder if there are any songs which couldn’t benefit from a Muppet lip synch. (Answer: there’s only one music video that’s already perfect.)

This remix is far more upbeat than the original version, in which The Swedish Chef, Animal, and Beaker sing the tearjerker “Danny Boy” for Saint Patrick’s Day. On the other hand, this mashup reminds us that MCA’s birthday would have been one week ago today, and that’s even sadder than listening to “Danny Boy”. All sad things can be rated on a scale of how many minutes of “Danny Boy” it’s like listening to. That’s just science.

Via Laughing Squid

Filed under: Music, Web Culture Tagged: ADAM SCHLEICHKORN, BEASTIE BOYS, Mashups, Music, SESAME STREET

The New York Times Magazine published a fascinating profile over the weekend of record collector Zero Freitas, a Brazilian man who made a fortune through his family-owned bus company and has been funneling all of his money into buying vinyl. Freitas estimates that his collection currently has “several million albums.” He has an extensive buying and cataloging operation, employing people around the globe to hunt down for-sale record collections and a dozen interns to keep track of all of the records in his possession. His goal is to digitize most of his collection so that none of the music will disappear unnoticed. You can read the article here.

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Galaxy Quest was an underrated parody of the Star Trek fandom and geek culture in general. It only grossed $90 million worldwide on a $45 million production budget, but it was eventually voted the seventh best Star Trek movie by fans at the Star Trek 2013 Convention. Since the movie’s turning 15 later this year, MTV put together an excellent oral history of the film, including interviews with the stars, director, writer, and producer. You can check out the full thing over at MTV (via /film), but we’ll be rounding up our favorite bits:

• Tim Allen’s role was originally offered to Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, and Kevin Kline.
• Allen turned down two other roles to do Galaxy Quest. One was in “an angel movie” that never got made. The other role went to Robin Williams. It was the box office bomb Bicentennial Man, which grossed $87 million on a $100 million budget.
• Justin Long landed the role which almost went to more experienced (at the time) actors Kieran Culkin [you know, Mac's brother], Eddie Kaye Thomas [sh*t break!], or Tom Everett Scott [He is Spartacus].
• Sam Rockwell says Paul Rudd auditioned for a role, probably the same role Rockwell played. (Does anyone even know his last name!?)

• Director Dean Parisot said his aim in making the movie was to “begin as a mockery and end as a celebration”. Which is a great way to describe the tone of the movie. He also told MTV his mission was to “make a great Star Trek episode”.
• Tim Allen brought a souvenir from the Alien set and asked Sigourney Weaver to sign it. She tells MTV, “He had this piece of the wall of the Nostromo or something, and he was so proud of it. I wrote on it: ‘Stolen by Tim Allen. Love, Sigourney Weaver'”

Speaking of that GIF, we’re going to let this next part speak for itself.

Sam Rockwell: We all went to a big 20th anniversary of Alien with Sigourney.

Daryl Mitchell: The part in Alien when Sigourney was in her panties? Tim shouts out “Yeah, baby!” Now here we are in an intense moment, trying to act like we didn’t see it, having some dignity – and Tim screams “Yeah, baby!” Everybody started laughing.

They don’t call him “The Tool Man” for nothing.

• When Steven Spielberg visited the set, he suggested Missi Pyle’s character Laliari should be given a larger role, so the romance subplot with Tony Shaloub’s character was added.
• Sam Rockwell improvised his line during that creepy makeout scene.

• Sam Rockwell is just the best. (That wasn’t in the MTV interview, but we believe it was implied.)
• Sigourney Weaver liked her character’s blond wig so much, she stole it when the movie was done.

Everybody’s interested in making a sequel (if Dreamworks is willing to pay for it). Never give up, never surrender!

Tim Allen: There’s a sequel somewhere. It’s written, but I haven’t really gotten a straight answer about it, but Hollywood is a very peculiar place. It is none of my business.
Robert Gordon (writer): On the record, I definitely have ideas for a sequel. Off the record, OK, turn your recorder off.
Justin Long: So many people ask me about a sequel.
Mark Johnson (producer): If we announced a sequel or a TV show, there’d be genuine excitement, not “It’s too late.” We’ve tried. I’d do it, Dean would do it. But we need Bob. It’s a Bob Gordon joint, but Bob is a very specific guy.
Sam Rockwell: F–k yeah, a sequel would be amazing. If it was a respectful script to “Galaxy Quest.”
Sigourney Weaver: Tell Bob, tell Dean, we are all ready for a sequel. I still have my costume!
Tim Allen: How’s this for a sequel: it’s 15 years later. The Thermians come back, but they haven’t aged. Maybe they don’t have warp anymore so it took 15 years. They have to search for a new homeland. Sarris [the main villain] is gone but his family never forgets and you take it from there.

You can check out the full oral history at MTV.

Thanks for reading!

Filed under: Film Drunk, GammaSquad Tagged: ALAN RICKMAN, DARYL MITCHELL, DAVID HOWARD, DEAN PARISOT, dreamworks, GALAXY QUEST, gifs, JUSTIN LONG, MISSI PYLE, ROBERT GORDON, SAM ROCKWELL, Sigourney Weaver, steven spielberg, TIM ALLEN, TONY SHALHOUB

Twentieth Century Fox has released a brand new official theatrical trailer for The Book of Life (2014). Produced by Guillermo del Toro and directed by Jorge R. Gutierrez, The Book of Life is set to open in theaters across the United States on October 17th....

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The Foo Fighters’ eighth album is on the way, supposedly due on November on RCA/Roswell, and the band recorded its eight songs in the famous studios of eight different cities, with famous local guests sitting in on all of them. The album will also be the subject of Sonic Highways, the band’s new HBO show. But even though we know all this, there are some crucial details that haven’t yet been unveiled: Cover art, album title, the way the damn thing might sound. Well, the band might be dropping some hints on all of those things. As Exclaim! reports, the band recently shared the artwork above, which may or may not be the album cover. The image features landmarks from all eight cities, and it also has the number eight hidden a few times, fueling speculation that the album is called 8. (It’s the band’s eighth album, recorded in eight cities, has eight songs, etc.) And in other news, the band has shared eight mysterious seconds of audio, which you can hear below.

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Warner Brothers has reserved two new dates for two new LEGO movies, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The upcoming movies do not have official titles yet, but the dates are May 25, 2018, and May 24, 2019....

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Second-quarter earnings reports were out this week, and as happens after most earnings reports of late, HBO and Netflix begin their little friendly one-upmanship. Yesterday, the CEO of Time Warner essentially announced that he had plans to take Netflix on directly with HBO GO. The idea is to leverage the huge catalogue of content not just at HBO’s disposal, but within all of Time Warner’s properties (HBO, Turner, and Warner), which would allow HBO Go to bridge the gap between its service and Netflix in terms of the amount of content.

Until then, HBO Go is not likely to spin off into a stand-alone service, because its efforts to do so in Scandinavia, where there is a stand-alone HBO Go service, have been disappointing. It’s getting crushed by Netflix because of the content discrepancy.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the equation, Netflix is bragging that it has passed HBO in subscriber revenue. Netflix earned $1.146 billion to HBO’s $1.141 billion, although Netflix still remains far behind in terms of profits.

“They still kick our ass in profits ($548 million in the second quarter, compared with just $71 million for Netflix) and Emmy’s, but we are making progress,” Hastings wrote on his Facebook page. “HBO rocks, and we are honored to be in the same league.”

Back to HBO: In its earnings report, it also bragged that Game of Thrones has more viewers than even previously reported: With rebroadcasts, downloads, streaming views taken into account, the HBO series is seen by 20 million people a week, which easily makes it the most popular show on premium cable. It also makes it competitive with the top two shows on broadcast television (Big Bang Theory and NCIS) despite only reaching a fraction of the homes that CBS reaches. Of course, they’re all overshadowed by AMC’s The Walking Dead, which boasts around 28 million weekly viewers (and both GoT and The Walking Dead’s numbers would be much, much higher if illegal downloads were accounted for).

We still don’t know numbers on Netflix’s programming, but a recent poll did show that 44 percent of Netflix members have watched Orange is the New Black, while 31 percent of subscribers have watched at least some of House of Cards. The sampling is low (around 500 people), but if we were to extrapolate that out to Netflix’s 50 million subscribers, that would mean that around 22 million people have watched Orange is the New Black, while around 15 million people have watched House of Cards. That would mean that Orange is the New Black may be watched by even more people than Game of Thrones.

Source: Variety

Filed under: TV Tagged: game of thrones, HBO, NETFLIX, ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK, time warner, TURNER

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Netflix is, by far, the biggest name in online video streaming. It’s responsible for stunning amounts of Internet traffic, has a sky-high stock price… and is hated by the major studios for breaking their home video model. And now, HBO Go is gearing up to try and take it down.

Jeff Bewkes, CEO of Time Warner, recently weighed in on his plans for HBO Go, and it sounds, suspiciously, like he wants to tackle Netflix, according to Deadline:

“Should offerings be determined for consumers based on what a company owns?” he asked rhetorically. “That’s not how consumers arrange their dial….We’re anticipating people might want more than that.” The Time Warner chief says that HBO is “investing in top talent, software developers in Seattle” to improve on what’s already “a very good consumer experience.”

Bewkes also notes he’s not opposed to Dish’s idea of just selling people live channel streams over the Internet, although he did say he views all this as an “additive” service, which likely boils down to “SUBSCRIBE TO CABLE DAMMIT!” And therein, of course, lies the problem.

A lot of streaming video services have tried to compete with Netflix, but again and again, the problem that comes up is that you have to have a cable subscription, which is a bit like demanding cars be sold with some horseshoes in the trunk. It’s difficult to see how HBO Go, a service built to, well, stream content from a cable channel, wouldn’t have this requirement, although HBO itself is surprisingly cool with not being tied to a cable subscription.

Still, it’s a fascinating idea, and hopefully one that has some follow-through, even if it’s just a collection of premium cable shows in one place. Really, who doesn’t want to follow up some Rust Coehle with Eva Green committing gratuitous acts of air sex?

Filed under: Media, Technology, TV, Upcoming Tagged: hbo go, NETFLIX, streaming video

I made lots of fun of the idea of a Raid remake starring Taylor Kitsch, because why would you remake a martial arts movie with a random white guy from Canada? I should’ve shut my mouth, because it turns out they’re also remaking Kickboxer with Alain Moussi, a French-Canadian stuntman. Still, a couple things make this sound a lot better than that Raid remake: For one, Moussi is actually a martial artist. Not to mention, they’re also in talks to add Tony Jaa, GSP, and Batista as Tong Po.

…Cool? I have to admit I don’t view Van Damme movies with the same air of the sacrosanct as I do, say, Schwarzenegger or Verhoeven movies. I’m willing to admit there are probably other people who can do da spleets, no problem.

More notable names in action are eyeing the Kickboxer reboot that’s got UFC champ George St. Pierre, stunt man Alain Moussi, and Guardians of the Galaxy‘s Dave Bautista set to star. English martial artist Scott Adkins (The Bourne Ultimatum, Ninja: Shadow of a Tear) and Thai star Tony Jaa (Ong Bak) are in discussions to join the remake of the classic Jean-Claude Van Damme action pic, which Chinese helmer Stephen Fung (Tai Chi Zero) is directing.

Moussi will star as Kurt Sloan, a talented martial artist who travels to Thailand where he learns the secrets of the kickboxer to avenge his brother’s death at the hands of Tong Po (Bautista). Adkins is eyeing the role of Kurt’s older brother, while Jaa would play the Muay Thai master who trains Kurt to beat Tong Po. [Deadline]

I’ll admit that I don’t know that much about Alain Moussi, and from what I do know, he seems like a perfectly cromulent choice for chop-socky. But if I was remaking Kickboxer, I doubt my number one concern would be “make sure the lead is a French guy!”

Here’s Moussi doing some martial arts stuff.

Also, I’m pretty sure this gif is from Bloodsport but I don’t care:

Filed under: Film Drunk, Media Tagged: ALAIN MOUSSI, BATISTA, GSP, KICKBOXER, KICKBOXER REMAKE, REMAKES, SCOTT ADKINS, TONG PO, TONY JAA

"Hasta la vista, baby. I want to thank the cast and crew of Terminator Genisys for a fantastic shoot," he wrote. "It was challenging, it was fun, and it was rewarding. From our director to the producers, from the camera team to catering, from visual effects to hair and makeup – we couldn't have done it without you. I can't wait to see our finished project and I know we'll remind the fans why they fell in love with the Terminator. On July 1, 2015, I'll be back."...

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Justin K. Broadrick (Jesu, Pale Sketcher, Final, etc.) recently revived his pioneering industrial metal act Godflesh with the Decline and Fall EP, the band's first new music in 13 years. Now, on the heels of that release, Godflesh have announced a new full-length, their first since 2001's Hymns. A World Lit Only by Fire will be released on October 7 via the band's own Avalanche Recordings. They've also shared "New Dark Ages". Listen above, and below, peruse the new LP's tracklist.

A World Lit Only by Fire:

01 New Dark Ages
02 Deadend
03 Shut Me Down
04 Life Giver Life Taker
05 Obeyed
06 Curse Us All
07 Carrion
08 Imperator
09 Towers of Emptiness
10 Forgive Our Fathers

Venom Carnage sounds like a terrible metal band, but instead it’s a revelation of Sony’s superhero strategy. Namely, the superheroes aren’t doing so well for the, what with the douchebag dads and declining box office… so let’s see how the villains do.

On the heels of what’s probably a Black Cat movie, Deadline notes that the Venom spinoff which has been in the works for forever is also moving forward, with 2017 being the targeted release date.

Honestly, it’s not the worst idea. Venom is awful as a character, little more than the inevitable evil knockoff every superhero has to fight at some point, but he’s beloved and there’s really no way to explain the symbiote and Eddie Brock’s connection to it without taking a whole movie to lay it out. Similarly, as flat as Venom is, Carnage is even flatter. For those unfamiliar, here’s his entire personality: He kills you, because it’s fun. Seriously, that’s all there is to Cletus. Yes, he’s named Cletus. Really, he needs Venom, or to be shrunken down into the Microverse, to be remotely interesting.

We just hope nothing’s watered down. The entire appeal of Carnage stories is that the guy is so evil he makes Venom look good, which is pretty hard to do when you look like H.P. Lovecraft’s Spider-Man. We also hope they insert a colon into that name because, really, Venom Carnage? Half the audience is going to show up expecting a Will Ferrell comedy about a hair metal band. Which we admit, we’d actually see. Maybe Sony could combine the two.

Filed under: GammaSquad Tagged: carnage, Marvel, Movies, SPIDER-MAN, venom, VENOM CARNAGE

Every few years an amazing clip emerges from Bo-Taoshi, a suicidal Japanese sport that involves pulling a person off a pole. That’s it. That’s the whole sport. A guy climbs on a pole, sits on it (heh) and his teammates defend it from crazy people trying to pull him off. It’s the ultimate drunk, frat party and WHY DON’T THEY HAVE THIS IN AMERICA DAMMIT!

Anyway, this latest video features one of the most amazing moments in Bo-Taoshi history—the double kick to the noggin defense. It gets going at the 2:50 mark.

I think I need to see that moment over and over and over.

And here we thought the NFL had a concussion problem. They ain’t got nothing on Bo-Taoshi.

Filed under: Media, Sports Tagged: Bo-Taoshi, Bo-Taoshi video, Japanese Pole Fighting

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been insanely popular for nearly thirty years now. They’ve been in multiple media, from the satirical comic books that form the roots of the series to, well, this week’s Michael Bay-produced feature film. The Bay film has gotten a lot of flack for terrible outfits and cheesy ideas, including from yours truly, but it’s honestly not the worst thing to happen to the team in their history.

That would be Mutant Turtles: Chōjin Densetsu Hen, or, roughly translated, Mutant Turtles: Superman Legend, or, accurately translated, “Hey, the Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers make a lot of money, let’s combine the two and make lots more money!” Here’s a Russian bootleg of a hardsub, which is the best quality we could find:

To be fair to those involved, it existed entirely to sell toys. Specifically, the Supermutants line, an unfortunate attempt to salvage the toy line’s popularity in the face of changing tastes of children. We assume that the popularity of the X-Men is why they suddenly had those ridiculous Wolverine masks.

If you can stop laughing long enough to watch the two episodes, they’re… well, OK, they’re pretty terrible. The animation is surprisingly good for what amounts to a toy ad with a plot, but the plot itself is completely insane even by Ninja Turtles standards, and we’ll remind you that this is a franchise that’s parodied the Punisher. Keep in mind that in the first minute of this, a fairy gives the Ninja Turtles a magic gem to turn them into Wolverine, and it just gets weirder from there.

So, as much as we might mock the noses and lips of these current turtles, we might as well be grateful Michael Bay never saw this and forced the beleaguered Jonathan Liebesman to put this in. You’ve got to save something for the sequel, really.

Filed under: GammaSquad Tagged: Anime, JAPAN, Mutant Turtles: Chōjin Densetsu Hen, mutant turtles: superman legend, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING

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Late last week, Miley Cyrus took to Instagram to express her admiration for feminist punk pioneer Kathleen Hanna. She posted two photos of Hanna in the early 1990s, when she sang in Bikini Kill, including one of the iconic images of Hanna with "SLUT" written across her stomach.

This wasn't entirely unexpected, as Miley has discussed feminism and gender politics in interviews, and it's not that hard to imagine her being into "Suck My Left One" or "Double Dare Ya".

Now, Hanna has provoked a world of rebel-girl fantasies: she reached out to Miley over Twitter to propose a collaboration. Hanna wrote:

Hey @MileyCyrus so sweet you posted pics of me...have an idea for an album that only you are daring enough to make .

— Kathleen Hanna (@kathleenhanna) August 4, 2014

Is Miley about to enter her riot grrrl/feminist killjoy period? Will they record as "Kathleen Hannah Montana"? Is this Revolution Bangerz Style Now? Someone get Miley a copy of Girls to the Front ASAP.

Read our 5-10-15-20 interview with Hanna.

After the thump-grimace-exposition-repeat pattern that turned Captain America 2 into such a self-serious snooze (that everyone nonetheless seemed to love – agree to disagree, y’all), I worried I might be done with the Marvel universe. In fact, between all of Cap 2’s winking references to the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (GRR, BRAND SYNERGY!) and Edgar Wright being forced out of Ant-Man just eight weeks before shooting, evidence was mounting that Disney was about to ruin Marvel the way they had Pixar and Miley Cyrus (aw, remember how wholesome she once was?).

The world would be simpler that way, and hating Disney purifies my soul, but alas it wasn’t to be. The Disney hype machine notwithstanding, Guardians of the Galaxy somehow feels like it was made just for me. A wisecracking womanizer in a lawless universe full of incorrigible rogues? Here, take my wallet. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and f*ck my sister. Guardians is so good at making you totally willing to overlook its faults that there’s no way I’m even going to be able to write about it without every word evoking the sound of saliva being sucked over a retainer. So, enjoy this, and sorry about all the dandruff.

Ahem. (*clears throat*) (*shuffles papers on desk*) (*straightens glasses*)

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, CHRIS PRATT AND A TALKING RACCOON!

Marvel tends to be at their best when they’re doing goofy fun and at their worst when getting serious or attempting social commentary. Protagonist in a moral quandary? Don’t care. Characters in a love triangle? Don’t care. Scarlett Johansson had a bad childhood? Doooon’t care… S.H.I.E.L.D. is an allegory for the security state? DON’T. CARE. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP EXPLAINING YOUR OWN SHITTY MACGUFFINS!

Guardians instead gives us a hero somewhere between Han Solo and an intergalactic Wooderson in a story that’s like two hours of the Mos Eisley cantina scene in Star Wars. In fact, if the world needed another Star Wars movie (it doesn’t), James Gunn would be just the guy to direct it. Ignore the TV spots selling Guardians as your typical BADASS, BRO superhero movie, it has more in common with The Fifth Element. Narratively conventional, but with world building of such supercharged weirdness that every frame is a dorked-up roller coaster ride.

I’m a firm believer that a comic book movie should absolutely be a little silly, and “embrace the silliness” comes through in every frame here. You have to love the fact that they hired Vin Diesel to say only “I AM GROOT” and Bradley Cooper to do an unrecognizable-as-Bradley-Cooper voice for a gangster raccoon. (And without Andy Serkis there to tell the animators how a raccoon or a tree should act! How did they ever manage!) I love it when big celebrities get hired to do voice work because of their famous voice, and then show up doing some elaborate impression. It’s like Bill Murray promoting Suntory Whiskey in a rubber Richard Nixon mask.

That’s not to say Guardians is perfect, but James Gunn and co. absolutely understand what the fun part of a comic book movie is and devote their resources accordingly. 90 percent of Guardians consists of exuberant world-building, with only the most cursory fraction of screen time devoted to self-serious characters gravely explaining plot devices. Even when they have to do it, the costumes give it a bonkers silliness, with Lee “American Hiddleston” Pace and Benicio Del Toro competing to see who can out-ham Gary Oldman’s Zorg. No one should be surprised that a wrestler can act at this point (half of wrestling is live improv, after all), but Dave Batista is wildly enjoyable as the giant blue guy who doesn’t understand metaphors.

For the most part, Guardians takes all that unneeded exposition time and uses it instead to build, for instance, a galactic titty bar where the patrons bet on a rat-baiting like game where miniature blue dinosaurs run around a roulette board biting each other. Rat-baiting-inspired sci-fi, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Every set is a new, fully-realized experience, and it’s all so beautifully done that it might be the first movie I’ve ever seen where I was actually thankful for the invention of CGI.

In the film, Star Lord (Pratt) has a prized possession, an old Walkman with a cassette tape filled with seventies hits (“Awesome Mix”) gifted to him by his dying, beautiful, cancer-riddled mother. Is the cassette entirely believable or important to the story? Not really. Does it make a great excuse for James Gunn to shoot a bunch of balletic, slow-motion fight sequences set to music that owe more to the “Stuck In The Middle with You” scene in Reservoir Dogs than to the thumpy Bourne stuff? Yes, yes it does, and count me in for that. “Awesome Mix” is a nice analogy for the movie, a lot of pop references mixed together and cranked up real loud that you can’t help but want to dance to.

Oh right, these movies were supposed to be fun! Guardians is the kind of movie you’re going to see kids walking out of  brandishing imaginary guns yelling “remember when the raccoon was all ‘PEW PEW PEW!'” instead of trying to figure out which cross-branding tie-in fit in where. And Disney will probably be happy anyway, because now they’ll be able to sell boatloads of raccoon and tree toys. If James Gunn can make me cheer for that, forget Star Wars, maybe we should get him to talk to the Israelis and Palestinians.

GRADE: A-

Vince Mancini is a writer and comedian living in San Francisco. You can find more of his work on FilmDrunk, the Uproxx network, the Portland Mercury, and all over his mom’s refrigerator. Fan FilmDrunk on Facebook, find the latest movie reviews here.

Filed under: Film Drunk, Media Tagged: DISNEY, FILMDRUNK REVIEWS, Guardians of the Galaxy, JAMES GUNN, Marvel, movie reviews, reviews

Most of us woke this morning not even realizing it is the first of new month, let alone the Counting Crows front man’s 50th birthday. But now thanks to AARP we’re not only aware that Adam Duritz has been on this earth for half a century, but also that we all got really f*cking old all of a sudden. Thanks for the real possibilities, AARP.

Filed under: Music, Upcoming Tagged: .lol, AARP, ADAM DURITZ, birthdays, COUNTING CROWS, WE'RE ALL SO OLD

Stephen Colbert answered questions as part of the Ask a Grown Man series, and what’s terrific about it is how seriously and thoughtful he is taking the questions. Basically, the real Stephen Colbert is as thoughtful and kind as “Stephen Colbert” the character is funny, and it’s easy to see from Colbert’s answers that he’s a terrific father.

The questions range from “why do boys make rape jokes” to “how do I convince my father to let me spend the night with my boyfriend,” and Colbert is careful not to give the popular answers, but the thoughtful, “Dad” answers, which is to say, the CORRECT answers.

Dad Stephen Colbert is a lot dorkier and, ironically, a lot cooler than The Colbert Report Stephen Colbert. He’s a really good guy, and a role model not just to beginning comedians and satirists, but to other parents.

Source: Vimeo

Filed under: TV, Web Culture Tagged: Advice, ASK A GROWN MAN, dads, STEPHEN COLBERT

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Hey, remember Self? No. No, you probably don’t. You’re probably too young. It’s OK; I’ll fill you in. Self was the project of the Tennessee-based Matt Mahaffey, and he built himself up a serious cult following with his 1995 debut album Subliminal Plastic Motives, a piece of jagged, Beck-esque, bedroom-recorded cut-and-paste power pop. Self eventually became a real band and released a few more albums, staying quietly active all these years but not releasing any new studio music in the last 14 years. Mahaffey stayed busy by doing music for cartoons and by writing the Expedia.com jingle. But on Tuesday, Self suddenly released an out-of-nowhere new EP called Super Fake Nice, a project first announced in 2007. Last night, they also served as musical guests on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where they played the EP song “Runaway” and, as an online exclusive, the Subliminal Plastic Motives song “Lucid Anne.” Watch both performances and stream the EP below.

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The Detroit Tigers got David Price in a three team trade involving the Rays and Mariners. The team sent starting pitcher Drew Smyly and outfielder Austin Jackson as part of the deal. Because the trade was finalized just ahead of the 4pm deadline, the Tigers were forced to pull Austin Jackson from the game in the middle of an inning.

Here’s that surreal moment.

Jackson was met with hugs from teammates in the dugout following his departure.

Austin Jackson played 5 seasons with the Tigers hitting .277. Many in the organization felt he had not improved on his 2012 season when he hit .300 with 16 HRs and 66 RBIs. The Tigers now boast a starting rotation that features the last 3 Cy Young winners in Max Scherzer, Justin Verlander and David Price. It’s now or never, it’s World Series or bust for that squad.

[FSD]

Filed under: Media, Sports, Upcoming Tagged: Austin Jackson, DAVID PRICE, DETROIT TIGERS