pileofcrapola

French authorities say a big, wild cat eluding police near Disneyland Paris is not a tiger, but they don't know exactly what it is.

French authorities say a young tiger is on the loose near Disneyland Paris.

Even though there are other, equally unhealthy fast food menus out there, McDonald’s is still the face of the industry and is often the target of critics, especially when it comes to marketing calorie-filled food to kids. But the company’s CEO says McDonald’s is trying to make changes, some more practical than others.

According to Business Insider, McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson was recently asked at an event what his company is doing to improve its offerings for young customers.

There were the obvious things, like cutting down the size of the french fry servings, but then there was the revelation that mad scientists at McDonald’s had invented a broccoli that tastes like bubble gum.

So why isn’t this on the menu?

“It wasn’t all that,” admits Thompson, who says that kids who tried the gum-flavored veggie were confused by the taste.

Personally, I wish McDonald’s would develop a burger that actually tastes like, well… anything.

There’s using technology to help you figure out where you’re going, and then there’s leaning so heavily on your device that you fail to observe the wrongness of those directions even as you’re blindly following them. Where you’ll end up is anyone’s guess, as one truck driver proved by landing his semi in a public park where it definitely was not supposed to be.

An apparently lost Indiana trucker will have to pay $570.80 for reckless driving and failure to obey signs in my hometown of Milwaukee, reports the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, after steering his rig onto a pedestrian bridge in the historic Lake Park.

The Milwaukee County Sheriff’s office says that when the man drove his truck and 53-foot trailer onto the path on Tuesday afternoon, he damaged several trees, two bridges and concrete railings.

The driver allegedly told officials he was following the directions from his GPS, just like this woman who drove 900 miles out of her way and the lady who ended up driving onto a golf course. And yes, that photo above works perfectly with these stories.

Truck driver fined for crashing semi through Lake Park, footbridges [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

For decades, Hasbro products — Transformers, G.I. Joe, My Little Pony, Jem & the Holograms — have been the subject of TV shows and movies, but now the toy company is reportedly looking to go even bigger with the possible acquisition of DreamWorks Animation.

According to the Wall Street Journal, it seems like an inevitability for both companies, as Hasbro has seen its recent toy-related movie franchises bring in a boatload of cash, while DreamWorks has been expanding its movie-related toy and merchandise business.

By owning a studio, Hasbro — which recently launched its own film production company — would not have to share as much of the loot with its current studio partners, and it would be able to pump out even more toys for DreamWorks hits like Shrek and How To Train Your Dragon. And its existing connections with retailers would help to move more of the merch that DreamWorks has been trying to sell.

DreamWorks Animation is no longer part of live-action movie studio DreamWorks SKG, so the Hasbro deal would not impact that business.

The Journal says that talks are still in the early stage, but that an announcement could be made in the coming weeks.

Put away the boxes and unpack your suitcase, East Coast folks — you no longer have to move to Oakland in order to live closer to a cat café. All coasts striving to be equal, New York City is stepping up for the eastern folk and will soon get its first cat/coffeehouse combo. Not a cathouse, to be clear.

Meow Parlor will open on Dec. 15 reports Eater (and every person who knows you likes cats and will send you links about this), and is the brainchild of the people behind a bakery called Macaron Parlour.

It sounds a lot like previous cat cafés, both pop-up and permanent: The area with the cats is kept separate from the space selling hot beverages and pastries. You can bring your food into the cat room if you’re looking for that same cathair garnish you find at home, but cats stay where they are.

Guests pay $4 for every half hour they rent with the cats, with a cap on visits at five hours. At that point you probably just need to get a cat of your own. Reservations can be made online, which will likely be a more convenient choice than just trying to walk in and cuddle.

The cats come from rescue centers and will be available for adoption. Oh and there’s free WiFi, because all your friends definitely need you to social media the heck out of that visit.

Meow Parlour, New York City’s Very First Cat Cafe, Opens Next Month on Hester Street [Eater.com]

It’s a war out there in the world of retail, and having the lowest prices around is a weapon every brick-and-mortar store has been trying to keep in its arsenal. Not so easy when online retailers like Amazon are constantly lowering prices. All that might change for Walmart, as store managers have been told it’s time to officially start price-matching Amazon and others.

We’ve known for a few weeks now that Walmart was considering allowing stores to match lower prices found online for customers who walk into the 5,000 or so locations in the country, and today the company’s head of U.S. business says that idea has been given the go ahead.

According to a brief report from Reuters, Greg Foran, president and CEO of Walmart U.S., made it seem basically inevitable, saying that the company informed managers that they can match prices with online retailers, because plenty of them were doing just that anyway.

This is just a way to formalize that practice, Foran explained. Some managers were already price-matching on certain items on a case-by-case basis.

“About half of the stores were doing it anyway,” he said during a call this morning reporting Walmart’s quarterly results.

Price-matching might end up costing Walmart money, but it also works against showrooming: If a customer likes something they see in a store, go online on their phones and see that Amazon has it for less, they’re not going to purchase it right there in the store. But if the price is the same, it’s more likely that shopper will just buy it right there.

Let the price-matching wars begin — because when more companies are fighting to give shoppers the lowest price, consumers win.

Wal-Mart told store managers to match online prices with Amazon [Reuters]

A growing number of America’s unbanked and under-banked consumers have been turning to prepaid debit cards as an alternative to checking accounts. Between 2003 and 2012, the total amount of money deposited annually onto these cards increased from $1 billion to $65 billion, and that amount is expected to near $100 million for 2014. But those cards often come with hefty fees and lack protections of other financial products. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is looking to make prepaid cards safer and lest costly with a new slate of proposed rules.

THE TL;DR VERSION

The CFPB is proposing a number of rules intended to extend the protections currently enjoyed by checking account and credit card users to the prepaid debit card market.

These include:

• Monthly statements or free online access to account info.

• $50 limit on fraudulent transactions for cardholders who report suspicious activity in a timely manner.

• Standardized disclosure forms explaining all relevant fees and surcharges.

• Limits and regulations involving prepaid debit cards that offer credit in the form of overdraft protection.

The prepaid debit category covers a wide variety of products — from cards you purchase at retail and load via ATM or through direct deposit, to payroll issued by employers and benefit cards offered by federal, state and local agencies, to school ID cards used to disburse student loan funds, to mobile debit products that don’t have a physical card. The CFPB’s proposed rules don’t target any specific product but aim to add protections for people who use any or all of these variants.

SO MANY CARDS, SO FEW PROTECTIONS

While prepaid cards can be used to replace a number of the most common functions of having a checking account, they generally don’t have the same level of protection that a checking account offers. And those that do offer some of these protections currently do so at the financial institution’s discretion, meaning policies aren’t set in stone.

Under the CFPB proposal, the following protections under the Electronic Funds Transfer Act would be extended to most prepaid debit products:

• Easy and free access to account information: Many prepaid products don’t provide regular statements to customers, make it difficult to access your full account data, or charge for inquiring about your account. The proposed rule would require that financial institutions offering prepaid products provide either periodic statements or make account information easily accessible online and for free.

• Error resolution rights: As things stand now, if your prepaid card is double charged or overcharged, you may not have a clearly defined way to dispute this error. The CFPB proposes requiring that financial institutions investigate cardholders’ error reports and that they resolve these investigations in a timely manner. If the issue can’t be resolved quickly, the institution would have to temporarily credit the disputed amount to the consumer’s account pending the outcome of its investigation.

• Fraud and lost-card protection: While there are strict limits on consumers’ liabilities for fraudulent activity on lost and stolen credit and debit cards, it’s currently up to the financial institutions that issue prepaid products whether or not to limit liability. The CFPB proposal would place a $50 liability limit on fraudulent prepaid card transactions so long as the cardholder promptly notifies his/her financial institution.

KNOW BEFORE YOU OWE

One of the most frequent complaints about prepaid cards is that it can be difficult to find out a card’s full menu of fees and charges before you activate it. This is especially important for consumers who use prepaid cards to replace checking accounts, as they tend to make more deposits and other transactions than consumers who only use the cards as a secondary way to manage their money.

In their recent ratings [PDF] of 23 different prepaid products, our colleagues at Consumer Reports only gave six cards the highest possible rating for Fee Accessibility & Clarity. And even then, there are some fees — like third-party reload fees — that card issuers can’t include on their menus as it is charged by a company over which they have no control.

Thus, the CFPB is proposing what it calls “Know Before You Owe” disclosures for prepaid products. These are intended to provide standard, easy-to-understand information about a prepaid account. It not only lets the buyer know what they’re getting into with a particular card, it allows them to compare competing products and choose the one that works for them.

Additionally, there is the hope among some advocates that more transparent fee schedules will drive down these fees as issuers try to compete for customers.

“Competition has helped bring down fees and many prepaid cards offer an attractive option for managing your money,” said Christina Tetreault, staff attorney for Consumers Union. “But some cards come with costly fees that aren’t always disclosed clearly and prepaid cards still lack the same legal protections consumers get with debit cards.”

The CFPB proposal calls for two variations on the disclosure form. The “short” form that calls out the most important account info, like monthly fees, fees per purchase, fees for ATM withdrawals, and fees to reload the account. The proposal would also require that, before a purchase is made, the consumer has access to the full slate of fees and other relevant information on the long form.

You can see multiple versions of the proposed short and long form disclosures on this PDF.

Additionally, the proposal would require that card issuers make their full card agreements available to the public on their websites. These agreements would also be submitted to the CFPB for posting on a separate site maintained by the Bureau.

ADDITIONAL PROTECTION FOR PREPAID CREDIT PRODUCTS

Though most prepaid products are simple debit accounts — you can only spend what you put in — some cards offer users the ability to spend more money than what’s in the account. These cards are frequently offered by payday loan operations and are not always sold as “credit” accounts.

“Some prepaid cards push overdraft ‘protection’ that makes it harder for families to make ends meet, draining scarce wages with fees and leaving a hole in the next paycheck,” explains Lauren Saunders, associate director of the National Consumer Law Center.

Whether or not it’s marketed as a credit product, it’s effectively extending credit to these consumers so the CFPB believes these cardholders are entitled to the same protections credit card consumers currently benefit from under the Truth in Lending Act and the CARD Act.

For example, rather than simply extending credit to anyone who has one of these cards, issuers of prepaid cards would have to ensure that the cardholder has the ability to repay their debt.

Prepaid credit issuers would also need to provide detailed monthly statements to cardholders. This goes beyond the proposed requirement for prepaid debit products which would give institutions the option of providing a statement or free online access to account info. Additionally, the credit statement would include information like interest rate and amount borrowed.

Prepaid cardholders would also, under the CFPB proposal, be given the same 21 days that credit card holders currently have to repay a debt before being hit with a late fee. And any late fee would, have to be “reasonable and proportional.”

Fees on credit accounts would be limited to 25% of the credit limit during the account’s first year. And unless a cardholder misses two consecutive payments, issuers can not increase the interest rate on an existing balance. Balances on new purchases may be subject to an increase but only after the cardholder has been given 45 days notice.

While the above items are a matter of extending credit card protections to prepaid credit products, the CFPB proposal includes some rules that separate the two types of credit.

The Bureau proposes a 30-day waiting period, meaning that prepaid card issuers can not extend a cardholder credit during the first 30 days after opening an account.

There proposal would also put up a “wall” between the funds on prepaid card and payments to the creditor, so the card issuer can’t automatically deduct funds from an account to repay a credit debt unless the consumer has affirmatively opted into these deductions. Even so, card issuers would be limited to once-monthly deductions from the prepaid account to repay the credit debt.

“The proposed rule requires companies to be honest when they are offering credit and not disguise it as overdraft ‘protection’ that can balloon into hundreds of dollars of fees a year,” says the NCLC’s Sanders, who believes that the rules could go even further and ban overdrafts on prepaid cards across the board.

“Consumers should be able to rely on a prepaid card being truly ‘prepaid’ and as a safe way to control spending,” says Sanders.

Inside NoVA

Condos, office space to replace former Manassas newspaper office Inside NoVA The Manassas City Council this week unanimously approved a new five-story mixed-use building in the historic downtown area. The new building, called Old Town Heights, will be built at 9009 Church St. and will replace the old News & Messenger building. and more »

Bedazzled boots? A first look at Ugg's high-tech store in Tysons Washington Post Ugg boots are getting a digital makeover. The company behind the ubiquitous winter shoe is opening its first high-tech concept store at Tysons Galleria Thursday. The 2,100-square-foot location will double as an innovation lab where the Ugg Australia ...

Cat lovers in Northern California are pouncing at the chance of spending time with feline company at a new cat cafe in Oakland.

Fall fun got frightening for some corn maze customers who called 911 when they couldn't find they way out.

A new Arizona State study is generating a lot of talk about why some women gain weight after starting an exercise regimen.

Pets that have been in close contact with Ebola-infected people should be quarantined and -- if they test positive -- euthanized, according to new guidance issued Wednesday by a veterinarians' group.

It might sound crazy to some that it’s actually legal to send live birds through the mail (with some strict conditions), but what sounds even nuttier is that a guy reportedly mailed his ex-girlfriend 15 baby chicks in some kind of prank/misguided statement about their break-up.

When the mailman showed up at the door of a Washington, D.C. woman’s home with the package from her ex, she found 15 fluffy, cheeping baby chickens, reports the New York Daily News.

A note reportedly read something along the lines of: “There are lots of chicks out there,” which I suppose could be his way of saying, “I’m over you, here are some actual chicks.” Sigh.

But when the woman told the mail carrier she was just going to throw the chicks out, possibly as a reaction to the weirdness of getting live animals in the mail, he offered to take them instead. That’s how they found their way to the Washington Humane Society, and from there to a nearby animal sanctuary in Maryland.

“One of the chicks has an injured leg, but is recovering. The rest are very active and healthy,”reads a post on the Poplar Spring Animal Sanctuary’s Facebook page, featuring photos of the rescued chicks.

It’s true — the USPS has a long list of conditions that must be met to mail live birds, including day-old poultry, though it’s unclear if the sender followed all those rules, including shipping the birds in the “original unopened hatchery box from the hatchery of origin.”

All’s well that ends well, however, as six of the birds have found a permanent home at another sanctuary in Virginia, while the rest are staying in Maryland for now.

Man mails 15 live chicks to his ex-girlfriend in Washington, D.C. [New York Daily News]

Whenever I hear a plaintive voice calling to me from nowhere, I always just assume it’s ghosts. It’s a good thing I’m not a worker at Marshalls, where a man who was trapped inside the wall for up to three days was finally rescued after employees heard some odd noises. This, after the man apparently tried passing notes to the outside about his predicament.

Officials tell The Longmont Times-Call that the fire department spent a half hour yesterday morning freeing the man from a vacant space between interior and exterior walls at the Marshall store, after what may have been an attempted burglary gone very awry.

Employees said they’d heard a man yelling on Monday, but had no idea where he actually was. The next day they heard him again and figured out he was shouting through a hole in the wall, and sounded as if he was in pain.

After police rescued him, they said he had tried to push notes reading things like “help” under the interior wall, but had failed. One was dated Nov. 8, leading officials to think he’d been in there since Saturday.

“They were hard to read, but they definitely said ‘help,'” a police sergeant said, adding that one was written on his probation officer’s card.

“You can’t make this stuff up,” he said.

After he was freed from the wall he was taken to the hospital. Meanwhile the incident is being investigated as a possible burglary or trespassing, with charges pending, police said. It appears he fell about 20 feet after entering the building somehow through the roof, possibly by way of a vent.

Crews free man caught in wall of Longmont business [The Longmont Times-Call]

When men go shopping at Old Navy, it doesn’t matter what size they buy; prices don’t vary. But that’s not the same for women, who may have to pay extra if they purchase plus-size items. In just a few days, nearly 19,000 people have petitioned the retailer asking it to end this policy, but Old Navy claims there is a reason that it charges more for larger female sizes.

The Change.org petition was started late last week after its creator noticed that plus-size jeans at Old Navy were selling for upwards of $15 more per pair than the smaller sizes. Meanwhile, men’s jeans were the same price regardless of size.

“I was fine paying the extra money as a plus-sized woman, because, you know, more fabric equals higher cost of manufacture,” writes the petitioner. “However, selling jeans to larger-sized men at the same cost as they sell to smaller men not only negates the cost of manufacture argument, but indicates that Old Navy is participating in both sexism and sizeism, directed only at women.”

Additionally, the petition points out that there is a “Women’s Plus” section at Old Navy but no equivalent in men’s apparel.

We reached out to Old Navy parent company Gap Inc., where a rep for the company told us the retail giant has a reason for charging more for the plus-size women’s items.

The rep explains that while men’s bigger sizes are merely larger versions of the same clothing, Old Navy puts in additional work behind the scenes for women’s clothing.

“They are created by a team of designers who are experts in creating the most flattering and on-trend plus styles,” says the rep in an e-mail to Consumerist, “which includes curve-enhancing and curve-flattering elements such as four-way stretch materials and contoured waistbands, which most men’s garments do not include. This higher price point reflects the selection of unique fabrics and design elements.”

We’ve reached out to the petitioner to see if she has any response to the Gap Inc. statement. If we hear back, we’ll update this story.

Fairfax County adopt a pet Washington Post Hoppy Go Lucky, left, a young female American rabbit, is available from the Fairfax County Animal Shelter. Ethel, a shy and sweet cat, is available from the Humane Society of Fairfax County. Ombre, an 11- to 12-week-old male shorthair, is available ...

Prince William County crime report Washington Post These were among incidents reported by Prince William County police. For information, call 703-792-7245. DUMFRIES AREA. ROBBERIES. Reservoir Loop, 16600 block, 5:10 p.m. Oct. 31. One of two females knocked a male juvenile off a bike and attempted ... and more »

Fairfax County Animal Watch Washington Post No incidents were reported by the Animal Control Division of the Fairfax County Police Department. For information, call 703-246-2253. FAIRFAX CITY. The following incidents were reported by the animal control section of the Fairfax City Police Department.

A quiet life of fostering potbellied pigs, llamas and alpacas on a farm in Prince William County is what lies ahead for Curtis Stilwell. What lies behind Captain II Stilwell is 33 years of service to the Arlington County Fire Department, including the last three as station commander for Fire Station 7 in Fairlington.

Last year, the Walden Galleria near Buffalo, New York welcomed shoppers at midnight on Black Friday. This year, they’re moving that start time back by six hours, and other malls owned by the same company, Pyramid Management, will be opening at dinnertime on the holiday as well.

Now, fining stores that don’t open isn’t unusual: our pals in the retail business tell us that this is normal, and also would happen if a store failed to open or opened late on any ordinary Thursday. However, this leads to problems for stores, especially small, locally-owned ones: are they likely to see any business, and can small stores arrange staff coverage? Will they even do enough business to justify opening up and avoiding the fine?

“We’re just stuck following the rules, because if we didn’t, we’d be fined by the mall and being a small company, that’s substantial to us. We can’t just pay that. We have to stay open,” the owner of a t-shirt store told the local Time Warner Cable news station.

While we’ve only heard reports from managers at the Galleria that the owners have threatened substantial fines, other malls owned by Pyramid Management are opening early on Thanksgiving Day as well, including Crossgates Mall on the other end of New York state.

We contacted Pyramid about store owners’ claims of substantial fines, and will update this post if they get back to us. (Full disclosure: I worked at Pyramid’s headquarters for a week through a temp agency about a decade ago. That will not make them more likely to return our query.)

Take Our Poll

Buffalo-Area Malls Plan For Thanksgiving Evening Shoppers [YNN/Time Warner Cable] (via Money)

While I am not a scientist, professional reviewer or food expert, sometimes I and other the members of the Consumerist team venture out into the fast food wild and experience new things. Thus it fell to me on Monday night to try out some of Pizza Hut’s new crusts, sauces, drizzles and topping combinations. And by “some,” I mean I ate 21 different kinds of pizza last night.

Pizza Hut invited members of the press to be the eyes and ears for everyone else to a tasting event in New York City (NOTE: Because Consumerist does not accept any free samples, we actually paid Pizza Hut for the food eaten at this event), and although I could eat pizza every day for every meal (and would, if not for lame social norms/judgy people), I entered the experience with a certain level of trepidation.

This is customizing to the extreme: Pizza Hut claims that with its 11 new pizza recipes, six new sauces, 10 kinds of “crust edges,” four sauce “Drizzles” and four new toppings, there are now 2 billion unique pizza combinations available to customers.

But because there was no room in the event space for that many possibilities, Pizza Hut served up 21 different pizza variations, by my count, including traditional pizzas featuring new crust edges. Oh and also Asiago breadsticks, which I did not try, bent as I was on pizza.

Speaking of which, once I started, I decided to just eat everything they had. We’re talking a minimum of two bites, max of three, per type because I do not possess a cow’s internal organs and I can handle only so many minutes of meat sweats.

GENERAL PIZZA IMPRESSIONS
First of all, please keep in mind that these are just my impressions of what I tasted, with the criticism devolving into grunts near the end due to overloaded taste buds.

It was too much — while it’s admirable of Pizza Hut to want to offer consumers customized pizzas, I felt a bit overwhelmed with the number of options. Thin crust, pan style, the new “Skinny” option, a less calorific crust by way of a thinner crust and portion controlled toppings, new toppings, crusts, sauces…

It was like being in Willy Wonka’s house if he did pizza: “What is this special thing? Oh there are nine special things going on in just this one slice oh my god oh my god the pressure to experience IT ALL AT THE SAME TIME.”

Ahem.

The underlying theme is that under all the jazz and pizazz, each one tasted like… Pizza Hut pizza. Sort of spongy, lukewarm cheese (though it should be noted it’s not easy to keep pizza piping hot an event where people are mindlessly browsing) and an acceptable crust I wouldn’t kick out of bed.

Speaking of crust, it seems the new crust flavors are only on the edges, with the ability to also get customized Skinny crust edges. Head whirling yet?

As for the sauces, barring the creamy garlic parmesan, which is distinctly not a red sauce, and simply a fine white sauce, I couldn’t tell where I was getting the flavors from, exactly. For example, the Sweet Sriracha Dynamite features a Honey Sriracha sauce with a Honey Sriracha crust edge and honey Sriracha sauce drizzle. Something told me I was supposed to be tasting honey and Sriracha and I just felt kind of bossed around.

What’s the difference in taste between the Premium Roma Tomato sauce and Classic Marinara? Shrug. I couldn’t tell the difference under all those ingredients and drizzles.

If you haven’t given up on the idea of pizza altogether, I herewith present my notes, with assorted random photos and a “Trepidation Level” rating from 1 (least terrified to eat) to 5 (completely terrified to eat) both before I took a bite of each type on display and after.

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHILE EATING 21 VARIATIONS OF PIZZA HUT PIZZA
Official Pizza Hut recipe descriptions included where applicable, as I definitely was not keeping track while eating because too many words. Listed in order eaten.

1. Skinny Club: Creamy garlic Parmesan sauce, grilled chicken, slow-roasted ham, diced Roma tomatoes and fresh spinach, toasted Asiago on the crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 4
Verdict: Good, could taste most ingredients

2. Skinny Beach: Premium crushed tomato sauce with grilled chicken, fresh red onions, Peruvian cherry peppers and fresh spinach
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 4
Verdict: Fine, nothing special

Neither tasted “skinny,” per se, just like a slightly thinner than regular crust but not as thin as thin crust, if that makes sense. Plenty of toppings, however.

3. Sriracha Honey Crust Edge with Pepperoni
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: A little spicy, not too hot, tastes like pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut. Nice zing, liked pepperoni with Sriracha as flavor combo. Still fearful because I am not good with hot flavors — too much Sriracha = scary.

4. Pepperoni and Hut Favorite crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 1
Verdict: Tastes like pepperoni pizza with garlic breadstick crust. Fine.

5. Cheese and Salted Pretzel crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 1
Verdict: Pretty good. I am down with this one, even if crust is a bit salty. Cheese and pretzels are friends.

6. Cheese and Ginger Boom Boom crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 3
Verdict: What is a ginger boom boom? Forgot this was a special flavor immediately after eating it.

7. Pepperoni and Get Curried Away crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: Fine. Didn’t want at first, but was okay and not as awful as anticipated. Curry flavor wasn’t too strong.

8. Garden Party (pic at top): Premium crushed tomato sauce topped with fresh green bell peppers, fresh red onions, fresh mushrooms, diced Roma tomatoes and fresh spinach, Thin N Crispy crust. Advertised with Hut Favorite crust edge but??
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 3
Verdict: Good, but balsamic drizzle is kind of sweet.

9. Old-Fashioned Meat Brawl (aka where I started to fear the meat sweats): Classic marinara sauce, classic meatballs, red onions and diced Roma tomatoes – flavored up with our Hut Favorite on the crust edge.)
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 2
Verdict: I liked these meatballs, not too dense/heavy.

10. Cock-A-Doodle Bacon: Creamy garlic Parmesan sauce, grilled chicken, hardwood smoked bacon and diced Roma tomatoes, toasted Parmesan on the crust edge.
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: Hangover food to the max, I feel heavy.

11. BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger: Barbeque sauce, classic meatballs, hardwood smoked bacon, fresh red onions and diced Roma tomatoes, toasted cheddar on crust edge and barbeque sauce drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: Fine. I get it, there’s BBQ. So much and all the meat sweats coming now. A bit too sweet.

12. Giddy-Up BBQ Chicken: Barbeque sauce, grilled chicken, hardwood smoked bacon and fresh red onions, toasted cheddar on the crust edge and barbeque sauce drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 4
Verdict: Fine. Am turning into BBQ drizzle. No more. I wish I had a pool filled with lettuce.

13. Pretzel Piggy: Creamy garlic Parmesan sauce, hardwood smoked bacon, fresh mushrooms and fresh spinach, salted pretzel crust edge and balsamic sauce drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 1
Verdict: Pretty tasty. Felt like a piggy. Would eat again. Publicist points out meat sweat glistening on face as joke.

14. Sweet Sriracha Dynamite: Honey Sriracha sauce, grilled chicken, sliced jalapeño peppers, sweet pineapple and Peruvian cherry peppers, honey Sriracha crust edge and honey Srirach sauce drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: Good. Pretty spicy (for me) but surprisingly, liked. Doubting my tongue after so many things.

15. Hot & Twisted: Premium crushed tomato sauce, premium salami, sliced jalapeño peppers and fresh red onions, salted pretzel crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: Yawn. All bark no bite, not that hot and I have wussy taste buds. But didn’t eat a pepper.

16. 7-Alarm Fire: Premium crushed tomato sauce, pepperoni, sliced jalapeño peppers, Peruvian cherry peppers, sliced banana peppers and fresh green bell peppers with fiery red pepper on crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: Eh. I could handle this too, again no peppers eaten because I’m no sadist.

17. Buffalo State of Mind: (Buffalo sauce, grilled chicken, sliced banana peppers and fresh red onions, toasted cheddar crust edge, Buffalo sauce drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: I loathe Buffalo sauce so this was not to my taste, but otherwise fine.

Here’s where I realized I’d skipped some pizzas. Sigh.

18. Skinny Italy: Classic marinara sauce, classic meatballs, diced Roma tomatoes, fresh mushrooms, fresh red onions and fresh spinach with balsamic drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 1
Verdict: I wish I could enjoy these meatballs at this point. Pretty good.

19. Skinny with a Kick: Premium crusted tomato sauce, pepperoni, sliced jalapeno peppers, Peruvian cherry peppers, fresh green bell peppers and fresh red onions with fiery red pepper crust edge
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 4
Verdict: Kick again not so scary, fine, where am I?

20. Skinny Luau: Premium crushed tomato sauce, grilled chicken, slow-roasted ham, fresh green bell peppers and sweet pineapple
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: So happy to be done but this tastes like a Hawaiian pizza is supposed to, bit flabby, not great and I’m done I’m done I’m done no more.

Just kidding, I still had to eat Cherry Pepper Bombshell, which wasn’t brought out until right before I left.

21. Cherry Pepper Bombshell: Premium crushed tomato sauce, premium salami, Peruvian cherry peppers and fresh spinach with toasted Asiago crust edge and balsamic sauce drizzle
Trepidation Level Before Eating: 5
Verdict: I can’t believe I just ate more pizza and can honestly not tell you if I enjoyed this or not. I’m out.

Pizza I Would Cherish Most When Hungover Award: Pretzel Piggy
Pizza I Never Want To See Again In This Life: Buffalo State of Mind

Full disclosure: About an hour after my last bite at the Pizza Hut event, I ate a slice from a local place my friend had ordered her own dinner from. It was delicious and I should probably feel like a gross human being but whatever, pizza.

So you’re at the movies and the person in front of you has her phone on and is tapping away merrily. It’s the previews, so who really cares? And now the movie has just started, still annoying, but okay. Five minutes in, however, is kind of pushing it. That’s when witnesses at an American Film Institute screening of Mr. Turner say one man in the audience politely asked a woman to put her phone away. She allegedly responded by spraying Mace in his face.

The whole thing went down at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood on Monday night, eyewitnesses say, including one person who related the night’s events to Mashable.

According to that source and others who spoke to local media like ABC 7 News, the movie had just started when a man near the back asked a woman in front of him to turn off her phone, as the screen was glowing visibly.

“He was saying ‘Excuse me sir, could you please turn off your screen'” repeatedly, the eyewitness told Mashable, as he’d apparently thought the woman was a man at first. After getting no response the first few times, he tapped her on the shoulder.

She reportedly “flipped out” on him, the witness said, standing up and cursing at him, saying he hit her and she was going to call the police. She then turned her phone’s flashlight app on and shone it directly into his face, the eyewitness said.

After almost a minute, while her fellow moviegoers begged her to turn the phone off and sit, the man remained calm. Then she allegedly told him she had mace, and rummaged around in her bag until she found it.

“You hit me and I’m going to Mace you now,'” another eyewitness speaking to ABC 7 recalled her saying.

She then reportedly then took the cap off, pointed the bottle at his face and sprayed him.

He and the woman he was sitting next to and apparently with sat there for a moment while the alleged attacker sat down. The twosome left, and the woman sat for about 20 minutes watching the movie (which never stopped running), until volunteers and security escorted the woman out.

ABC 7 says an AFI spokeswoman confirmed that a woman was escorted from the theater for pepper-spraying a man in the face, and that she was told the victim is “fine.”

It’s unclear if any charges have been pressed, though the LAPD told ABC 7 it hadn’t received any calls from the theater.

Related: 9% Of Americans Are Bad People, Think It’s OK To Use Phone At Movies

Man maced at movie theater for asking woman to turn off her phone [Mashable]
WOMAN SPRAYS MACE IN MAN’S FACE AT CHINESE THEATRE SCREENING [ABC 7 News]

Complaining about getting a fat body and a slim bank account for Christmas instead of vice versa sounds like something one might see in a Cathy cartoon ([sweat marks!] “Bikini season, ugh!” [sweat marks!] etc.) But for some reason, a Dillard’s department store decided to display that joke on a decorative sign posted in the Girls section of the stores, asking Santa to please bring a “fat bank account” and slim body.

I don’t know about the rest of you, ladies, but when I was young enough to be writing to Santa Claus, I don’t think I had any idea that the $18 in my first checking account didn’t qualify it as fat, and I certainly wasn’t worried about getting a “slim body” but someone at a Dillard’s at a West Palm Beach, FLO mall apparently thought such a sign belonged where girls could see it, reports WPTV.com.

Maybe they didn’t read past, “Dear Santa,” as the sign reads in its entirety (punctuation ours):

“Dear Santa,

This year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don’t mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks.”

A mother of three reportedly spotted the sign at her local mall and posted it to Facebook, where it’s been shared hundreds of times.

“What would a little girl want with a bank account? It gives the wrong message about having a slim body. That’s not the message we want to give our kids,” one shopper told WPTV.

Employees reportedly said the sign wasn’t meant to be in the girls’ section, and has since been removed. Beyond that, Dillard’s has asked all stores to remove the sign from the sales floor entirely.

‘Dear Santa’ sign stirs up controversy at local department store [WPTV.com]

We’ve been here before; it’s all so familiar! Ah, yes. That’s because we just wrote earlier today that RadioShack will open its doors at 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, and yesterday that Target would open at 5 p.m. and so on and so forth. Best Buy is here to join the club of businesses who have better things to do than gorge on holiday feasts and snore off into a happy slumber, and will be open from 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. on Thanksgiving.

The next day, stores will reopen for its Black Friday sales at 8 a.m., reports TwinCities.com, which is a change from the 3 a.m. Black Friday routine of the past.

“Most Thanksgiving evening shifts are filled by employees who volunteer to work,” Best Buy said in a statement. “All hourly store employees who work on Thanksgiving will, of course, receive holiday pay.”

It shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that Best Buy is opening on Thanksgiving, after all — it did so last year, too, but an hour later.

Again, just like RadioShack, this is all your doing, America:

“Customers have made it clear that many of them want to begin shopping on Thanksgiving evening,” Best Buy says.

Best Buy’s Black Friday hours, specials set (starting Thursday) [TwinCities.com]

We recently told you about Dewitos, the nightmarish concoction that combines Mountain Dew and Doritos into a beverage that is more of a dare than a drink. Last night, the hard-hitting Colbert Report took on this story and not even stone-faced host Stephen Colbert could keep from laughing.

“I sit here as eyewitness to history, privileged to say the following words,” began Colbert, “Mountain Dew now tastes like Doritos.”

After telling the stoners of the world that they were indeed correct that “Frito-Lay can hear your thoughts,” Colbert explained how this meeting of the snacks represented a scientific breakthrough.

“With Dewitos now a reality, mankind is approaching the long-predicted ’snack singularity’ — the ‘snackularity’ if you will — in which food scientists achieve a unity of all flavors; drinks that taste like chips, chips that taste like dips,” he said. “We are all flavornauts, exploring the outer reaches of the Milky Way, which is now available as a nasal spray.”

This far into the segment, Colbert has managed to mostly remain in character, but that facade shattered like so many brittle corn chips when reading this too-true statement:

“Until now, to get this flavor combo you’d have to consume Mountain Dew and Doritos separately… then throw up in your mouth a little bit.”

Recovering from his case of the giggle, Colbert then suggests a great slogan for the drink:

Sometimes I think my relationship with mayonnaise is unhealthy, but with new supposedly healthful versions of the condiment hitting the market each year, my love might not be too gluttonous. Except one of those alternate options is now the subject of a high-dollar lawsuit between one of the world’s largest mayo makers and a start-up claiming to be the next big thing when it comes to the creamy condiment.

The Wall Street Journal reports that Unilever, the parent company of Hellmann’s, sued a San Francisco-based Hampton Creek for false advertising over the company’s use of the word “mayo” in its eggless sandwich spread’s name.

According to the suit, Unilever claims that the name of the Just Mayo spread misleads consumers because regulators and dictionaries define mayonnaise as a spread that contains eggs.

The lawsuit, which seeks unspecified compensation and a change to the Just Mayo label, claims that the name of Hampton Creek’s egg-free product implies it is a mayonnaise and that the company is “stealing market share from Hellmann’s.”

“Consumers and cooks have an expectation that mayonnaise should both taste and perform like mayonnaise,” the complaint states. “Just Mayo does neither.”

Officials with Hampton Creek tells the WSJ that it calls its spread “mayo,” not “mayonnaise,” and it advertises the absence of eggs as a benefit, so it couldn’t be misleading to consumers.

“This is big business,” Josh Tetrick, chief executive for Hampton Creek says of the recent lawsuit. “We’re competing directly with a company that hasn’t had real competition in decades. These things happen.”

Officials with Unilever say they support providing consumers with choices. However, its suit contends that Just Mayo’s “false name is part of a larger campaign and pattern of unfair competition by Hampton Creek to falsely promote Just Mayo spread as tasting better than, and being superior to, Best Foods and Hellmann’s mayonnaise.”

The suit, which was filed on October 31, has gained the attention of many consumers through the use of a change.org petition asking Unilever to “stop bullying sustainable food companies,” the WSJ reports. So far, the petition has more than 12,000 supporters.

Unilever currently holds the largest share of the U.S. mayonnaise market, which has an estimated worth of $2 billion annually.

Hellmann’s Seeks Justice vs. Just Mayo [The Wall Street Journal]

At this point, we must acknowledge that everyone would like to allude to Jay Z’s song about having 99 problems but a difficult, cranky woman isn’t one of them. That’s because some guy in China bought not one iPhone 6, not two, but exactly 99 iPhones as part of an elaborate, public proposal of marriage. Spoiler alert: He’ll only have those phones to curl up with at night from now on.

Just in time for the country’s Singles’ Day, a man in China has found himself flying solo after his lady friend put the kibosh on his offer of marriage, reports The Nanfang Insider (h/t to Yahoo Tech).

The computer programmer rustled up 99 iPhone 6 phones (redundant, but what if an iPhone 6s comes out someday?) and stacked them into the shape of a heart on the ground. He reportedly spent about two years’ salary on the setup, about $82,000.

Evidence of the effort as seen on Chinese social media site Weibo shows the couple in the middle of the heart, with either onlookers or friends and family ringed around the outside.

Look at it this way — now you’ve got 99 Siris to talk to about your heartache.

EVEN 99 IPHONES NOT ENOUGH TO WIN ONE WOMAN’S HEART [The Nanfang Insider]

While today might be Veterans Day or Remembrance Day in countries that took part in World War I, retailers in China want us to celebrate it as something else. There, November 11 is Singles Day, which started as an anti-Valentine’s Day of sorts, and has somehow evolved into the biggest online shopping day in the world.

See, November 11 is Singles Day because when you write out the date, it’s just a row of ones. They’re solitary numerals, standing in a row. It’s not clear how the celebration of singlehood became a shopping frenzy in China, unless the idea is for the uncoupled to attempt to fill the gaping hole in our souls with stuff. It doesn’t matter in the end, because online retailers simply use the holiday as an excuse to have massive discounts. Why not? It makes as much sense as Cyber Monday now does in a world where most people who shop online don’t have to wait until they get to work.

Last year, shoppers spent $5.7 billion on November 11, which was a record. Think of it as something like Cyber Monday, the supposed kickoff to the online Christmas shopping season. The Singles’ Day shopping frenzy is mostly promoted by Chinese e-commerce company Alibaba, also known as “that place where I buy headphones for 75¢.”

Singles Day probably won’t catch on as a shopping holiday here. It might take a few more decades before Americans are comfortable with the idea of turning a holiday honoring military veterans into an e-commerce frenzy. One expert told Bloomberg Businessweek that the date falls at the wrong point in the business calendar in this country: it’s too close to the back-to-school shopping season on one end, and too close to Black Friday on the other. Besides, retailers have already started Black Friday deals.

UPDATE: Alibaba reports $9 billion in Singles Day sales. Gosh. That’s more business than American retailers are expected to do on Black Friday.

Why China’s Singles Day Won’t Become a American Shopping Holiday [Bloomberg Businesssweek]