Dan Jones

http://theunderfold.com/2016/06/01/reboots-ruining-childhood/

Green means go, and red means go if you have a willy. This motion-activated toilet night light glows its green LED when you shuffle your way into a dark bathroom with the toilet seat down, and its red one when the seat is up. Such a reminder is very nice when it's nighttime and you're still half asleep. And also when it's the middle of the day and you're just not paying attention like my girlfriend, She-Ra: Princess of Power, and then suddenly it's my fault she fell in the toilet.

Feed the toilet light 2 x AA batteries and it will automatically alight when it senses motion nearby. Once lit, it stays illuminated for 30 seconds before shutting itself off again.

Get your guiding light to #1 and #2 for just $11.99, 40% off, for a limited time from Dude Exclusives.

Note: the Dude Exclusives online store is hosted and managed by Stack Commerce, a third party not directly affiliated with DudeIWantThat.com. All order, customer service, and general inquiries should be submitted through the Dude Exclusives Customer Support page here. Inquiries submitted through other contact forms or channels may not receive a timely response.

We've always known that out of the dragon's mouth comes the fire. Now, thanks to a particularly acid-washed, acid-tongued Mother, we also know it's possible that out of the fire's mouth come the dragons. So here's a candle that does dragons, Daenerys-style.

Firebox's worldwide exclusive launch of the Hatching Dragon Candle brings us waxen versions of the scaled eggs Game of Thrones has made so famous. Burn their wicks and watch them slowly melt-hatch away to reveal a porcelain baby dragon. Or buy them in sets of three, start wrapping them up for wedding season, and let's all see what "porcelain" becomes in the hands of the right new bride. (No, you don't have to send back the stallion's heart; just let your friend Cornelius give it as his gift.)

Unlike in the Game of Thrones series, these Hatching Dragon Candle eggs are all golden in color. The dragons inside, however, will emerge either red, green, or black, but you won't find out which until the flames reveal them.

Little did he know, his company paid all of his bills behind his back.

Christopher Adams said his 7-year-old son, Kyler, and 5-year-old daughter, Emery, both had to go when the family visited the store Sunday to buy blinds and storage bins, so he took them both inside the men’s restroom in the back of the store.

“This guy walks in and goes to the bathroom, the urinal,” Adams recalled Tuesday. “Then he just, like, turns to me and starts freaking out, dropping the ‘F-bomb,’ and what he was freaking out about was that my daughter was in the men’s bathroom.”

Adams said the man told him it was “inappropriate,” and soon began to push him after Adams gave him a terse response.

The father said he tried to usher his kids away from the man.

“When I turned back around, I got sucker-punched right here,” Adams said, pointing to his left eye, which still was bruised.

From there, Adams said he was punched in the face and kicked in the knee multiple times during the struggle in which the dad ultimately defended himself, forcing the man out of the restroom.

“I just slammed him on the ground and just held him until associates from Walmart could get there,” Adams said.

Clinton Police Lt. Shawn Stoker said the man was cited at the scene for disorderly conduct, and the city attorney was screening a potential assault charge.

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."

"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."

I owe a big “thank you” to artist Kate Goodrich for her exceptional X-Men/Adventure Time mashup. Some of these would make for awesome cosplays.

Head on over to Goodrich’s website for even more X-Men/Adventure Time mashups.

(via The A.V. Club)

18-year-old Julian Hernandez was applying to college.

Hernandez was living with his father, who changed his name.

A problem with the high schooler’s Social Security number came up, leading Hernandez to approach a counselor for help.

That counselor ran a background check on Hernandez, later discovering that he was listed as a missing person by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Hernandez was reported missing by his mother in Birmingham in 2002, after his father left a note saying he’d taken the boy.

“Oh god, the rift is open! We’re all going to die,” they said!

Cthulhu doesn’t judge.

Cthulhu gets me.

PS: This is the artwork from my new album, which opens with a song about accidentally awakening Cthulhu and ending the world, and hey you can listen to it on Spotify or buy yourself a copy here!

Caffeine for when you feel mostly dead. Literally turn Cary Elwes from the Dread Pirate Roberts into Westley quite with this Princess Bride 12oz Mug. One side features Buttercup gazing into the eyes of Westley; the other features her with the Dread Pirate Roberts. $9.99

Jason Snell, writing at Macworld:

As someone in Google’s ecosystem as well as Apple’s, I’m happy that they continue to develop apps for iOS. Unfortunately, every time I open one of them, I’m brought back to the mid-’90s and Word 6.

I don’t know the reason — arrogance, pride, or a lack of desire to do the extra work are all options — but for a while now, Google has insisted on using the Material Design approach when creating iOS apps. Just as Word 6 inflicted Windows conventions on Mac users, Google’s iOS apps inflict Android on iOS users. […]

I’m not saying either design is superior. If you’re on Android, you should expect apps to look like Android apps–Apple Music for Android uses Android’s icons for sharing and offering additional options, rather than the ones you’d see on iOS. And the reverse should be true too. (It’s not. Google Play Music looks the same on iOS as on Android.)

Hear, hear. I find every one of Google’s iOS apps too foreign to bear.

Update: Jason specifically calls out iTunes on Windows as being in the same boat. I’d add the late Safari for Windows, too.

Joe Mullin, reporting for Ars Technica:

Following a two-week trial, a federal jury concluded Thursday that Google’s Android operating system does not infringe Oracle-owned copyrights because its re-implementation of 37 Java APIs is protected by “fair use.” The verdict was reached after three days of deliberations. […]

There was only one question on the special verdict form, asking if Google’s use of the Java APIs was a “fair use” under copyright law. The jury unanimously answered “yes,” in Google’s favor. The verdict ends the trial, which began earlier this month. If Oracle had won, the same jury would have gone into a “damages phase” to determine how much Google should pay. Because Google won, the trial is over.

I’m sure they’re out there, but I haven’t seen anyone who was rooting for Oracle in this case.

Update: Florian Mueller, writer of the FOSS Patents weblog, is staunchly on Oracle’s side:

Also, while Google was able to present all of the “evidence” and testimony that helped its defense, Oracle had been precluded from presenting the entirety of its willful-infringement evidence.

Presumably, Judge Alsup will deny Oracle’s motion for judgment as a matter of law (JMOL), if his jury instructions are any indication. Then Oracle will appeal again. I predict Oracle is very likely to succeed once again on appeal.

Update 2: Mueller, for what it’s worth, has worked as a “paid consultant” for Oracle on this case. So feel free to take his support with a healthy dose of salt.

Is this real life?

In Ex Machina, Oscar Isaac's Nathan Bateman performs a dance number with one of his AI robots, played by Sonoya Mizuno. It's the scene where I decided I was going to like the movie. Mizuno is a ballerina as well as an actress, but Isaac has no problem keeping up with her as the pair dance to Get Down Saturday Night.

Now, Twitter account @oscardances is showing how you can plug pretty much any song into that scene and the dance still works. Here's Michael Jackson's Thriller:

thriller - michael jackson pic.twitter.com/JabWfGd49N

— oscar dances (@oscardances) April 29, 2016

Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys:

intergalactic - beastie boys pic.twitter.com/OxrVZNbPX4

— oscar dances (@oscardances) May 25, 2016

And Oops I Did It Again by Britney Spears:

oops i did it again - britney spears pic.twitter.com/ewnqRhSVHz

— oscar dances (@oscardances) May 26, 2016

And there are dozens more here. (via @gavinpurcell)

TBT

Dave Delisle of Dave’s Geeky Ideas has come up with another brilliant concept for a product that once, in my ignorance, I lived happily without.

This time it’s a Star Trek Shuttlecraft tent. I know, you’re already sold (even though you hate camping), but wait—there’s more!

Read more on Nerd Approved…

http://www.cheerupemokid.com/comic/accident

Seriously. I’ll take my chances.

http://www.lunarbaboon.com/comics/finish.html

This is definitely me.

I found a loophole

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