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06 Sep 16:43

Taking ‘upskirt’ photos isn’t technically illegal, but it soon could be

by Jamie Rigg
This is a baffling one. You'd think that laws governing sexual offenses or rights to privacy or something would make it very obviously illegal to point a camera lens up a woman's skirt and snap a pic without their consent. But as it stands, anyone ca...
28 Aug 14:29

‘Safer’ thorium reactor trials could salvage nuclear power

by Saqib Shah
Chisulo.a

Doug!

A Dutch nuclear research institute is conducting the first experiment in close to five decades on molten-salt nuclear reactors based on thorium. Long hailed as a potential "safer" nuclear power, thorium reactor research could provide clean, affordabl...
25 Aug 11:20

'Half Life' writer reveals what could've been Episode 3

by Richard Lawler
Nearly ten years after the debut of Half-Life 2: Episode Two, the world is still waiting for Valve to deliver the final episode in the trilogy, but we may have to settle for something else. Just a few months after the last of the game's writers left...
24 Aug 23:55

Multiple People Charged For Stunting During Enthusiast Friend's Funeral Procession

by Justin T. Westbrook

Four people have been charged and police are looking for others involved in “stunting” during a friend’s funeral procession in Enfield, Nova Scotia. When I go out, I want all of you to show up and rip sick burnouts in my memory, too.

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23 Aug 11:56

Calgary Airport Replaces Handicapped Spots With 'Lexus Only' Parking

by Jason Torchinsky
Chisulo.a

lol, classy

You know those stupid novelty signs that say things like “Mustang Parking Only” that dorks like to put in their garages? They’re harmless fun, right? Of course they are. But you know, you could make them a whole lot less harmless if you replaced handicapped spots with signs like that, in exchange for money from one…

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22 Aug 18:29

Window Shop At Your Own Risk: The 26 Worst Products for Men Ever Created

by Brett & Kate McKay

One of the very first articles we published way back in 2008 was a fun look at some of the “worst products for men.” A year after, we created another such list with even more wacky products we had discovered.

These gems have been gathering dust in the archives, so we dusted off our favorites from each list and then added a bunch of new ones we’ve unearthed since the aughts to create a comprehensive, all-in-one exhibit of these oddities.

Below you’ll find some of the funny, dorky, disturbing, and just plain out-there products that were pitched to the men of yesteryear — often playing on male insecurities like hair loss and impotence — that aren’t due a comeback anytime soon. Window shop at your pleasure, and your risk!

Male Virility and General Groinal Health

Radioactive Jockstrap

Radioactive materials were once thought to impart healing and vitalizing powers. Radium was infused into drinking water, baths, toothpaste, and, though the advertisement above doesn’t come right out and say it, packed into jockstraps. As is the hallmark of impotence-correcting ads even today, the copy doesn’t directly state the problem this radioactive banana hammock is designed to cure, instead coyly framing it as the antidote to a “decline of sexual strength,” “low vitality,” “premature old age,” and “loss of manly vigor.” Here at last was the cure for the fellow who “realizes his happiness depends on his ability to perform the duties of a REAL MAN,” and who isn’t “satisfied without the pleasures that are his birthright!”

If the jockstrap didn’t do the trick in restoring one’s vim and vigor, radium also came in the form of suppositories “guaranteed to be perfectly harmless.”

The Prostate Warmer

vintage prostrate warmer

Invented in 1918, this device promised to “stimulate the abdominal brain!” (I am not sure what that is, although men have long been accused of thinking with it.) The warmer consisted of a 4.25 inch probe which was plugged into the wall and then inserted into the rectum. When plugged in, a blue light bulb lit up to tell you it was working to restore your manly vitality. It really brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “blue light special.”

Recto Rotor

Truth in advertising: the Rector Rotor was most certainly “in a class by itself.” This dilator promised to cure “piles, constipation, and prostrate problems.” It was designed to break up, your, um, “piles,” lubricate the rectum, and stimulate the prostrate from the inside out. With a motto like “large enough to be efficient, small enough for anyone over 15 years old,” how could you go wrong?

Heidelberg Electric Belt

In the early 1900s many people believed they were suffering from “neurasthenia,” a disease caused by modernization and over-stimulation. This “sickness” produced a wide variety of symptoms, from depression to impotency to fatigue. Touted as a cure for those suffering from such a “weak and deranged nervous system,” the Heidelberg Electric Belt encircled your waist with five electrodes — one which hung over your junk — and promised to zap “the proper organs and affected parts” back to vim and vigor.

The Dila-Therm

Prostatitis is the inflammation of the prostate gland and can cause your man junk to really hurt. The Dila-Therm promised relief, but only for the owner with the wherewithal to boldly apply it himself . . . or to ask someone else to do it for him.

The Lantz Supporter

The Lantz Supporter was basically an everyday jockstrap, for the man who felt his boxer briefs didn’t provide sufficient support for “freedom of action,” and whose quest for a “refined appearance” went beyond tailoring his trousers.

Anti- “Self-Pollution” Devices

Spike-Lined Ring

During the 1800s and early 1900s, extreme measures were recommended to control the sexual libido of young men. This particular device was aimed not only at preventing masturbation, but nocturnal emissions as well. Young men would tie this ring of death around their member, and whenever they became aroused, the spikes would sink into their flesh. Don’t worry though, as according to its creator, it would “produce no uneasiness till erection comes on, when the patient, roused by the pricking can jump out of bed and thus arrest an impending emission.”

Spermatic Truss

vintage illustration spermatic truss

Patented in 1876, the spermatic truss was designed to make erections impossible by binding the genitalia down. Twenty-one years later, the designer changed the truss a bit, making erections possible. The only downside? An erection would now drive the penis against painful spikes.

The Timely Warning

the timely warning penis cooling device 1893 illustration

Invented by Frank Orth in 1893, The Timely Warning was a penis cooling apparatus designed to prevent wet dreams. A man would attach the device to his penis before he went to bed, and when an erection occurred during the night, levers opened to allow cold water to flow through tubes around the genitalia. This cooled “the organ of generation, so that the erection subsides and no discharge occurs.” Basically, it was like taking a cold shower, but without the shower.

Clothing and Personal Appearance

Model 25 Nose Shaper


Why waste thousands of dollars on a rhinoplasty when you can simply smoosh your nose into submission? The ad says you can wear it day or night, but the former is only true if in addition to a large schnoz, you’re also a dedicated homebody who’s got a bad case of agoraphobia.

Paste-On Facial Hair

All men long to grow a manly mustache or sideburns. But it takes so dang long, and wouldn’t you like to be able to wear some sideburns to work and then attach a cool handlebar mustache for your date that night? And sometimes you just want to rock the Satan Van Dyke. With this kit, there are so many options to play with; as the ad notes, “The combinations are limitless!” Though, as the author of the Modern Mechanix blog observes, “actually there are only seven combinations, unless you count each side burn individually.”

Crosley Xervac Head Vacuum

This large device (which you could rent for home use) operated on the principle that sucking more blood into your scalp would make hair grow healthy and strong and prevent it from falling out. A hose attached to a skull cap surrounded your head with suction power. This reminds me of Garth using the Suck-Cut on Wayne‘s World. “It’s sucking my will to live, man!”

Here’s another device operating on the same principle:

A New Kind of Hat

vintage hair loss ad new kind of hat

Not only does this hat help you grow hair, it also protects your brain from mind control. The Allied Merke Institutes definitely should have invested more in their marketing department; they couldn’t even come up with a name for this thing except for “invention” and “new kind of hat.”

Carbo-Magno

A compellingly passive way to regrow your hair. Just put on the topper you were going to wear anyway, insert the “Hat Sheath,” and let the magic vapor go to work as you go about your business!

Fleischmann’s Yeast Acne Cure


Did you know that chocolate makes you break out? 100% true. Also, the same substance that makes bread rise can cure your acne. Honest. Just eat a few cakes of it a day; your mouth will smell like bread, your face will be as smooth and clear as a baby’s bottom, and you’ll be on your way to the corner office.

Weil Reducing Belt

Here’s the pitch: you wear a rubber belt around your midsection constantly, and every time your portly flesh rubs up against it, it melts away your fat. It’s a man girdle. Much better idea than doing “strenuous reducing exercises which are liable to strain your heart.” Plus, it puts your “sagging internal organs back into place.” I know I hate it when my liver droops.

Rainat Hat Cover


Utilitarian, especially for a time where nearly every man wore a hat day in and day out? Surely. Suave? Surely not. Can you imagine Humphrey Bogart pausing at the first sign of drizzle to put a jimmy on his fedora?

Paper Hat Parasol

Hats are by nature supposed to keep the sun off your neck and face. But if the brim just doesn’t extend far enough for you, then you can place a very handsome paper parasol on top, and attach it with a rubber band. Ever enterprising, the manufacturer suggests printing the paper with an advertisement. Perhaps one for sunscreen.

Glow-in-the-Dark Kiss Me Tie

vintage glow in the dark kiss me necktie

Do you often find yourself in the pitch black darkness? While wearing a tie? With a woman who will do whatever your tie tells her to? Well, sir, do I have the tie for you! If this one doesn’t float your boat, the company also makes another equally suave design:

Glow-in-the-Dark Striptease Tie

vintage glow in the dark striptease necktie tie

This is the mullet of neckties. Business during the day and a party at night.

The Dribble Bib Necktie


At least with this product, the manufacturers are in on the joke, touting the tie’s “bright, gaudy, horrible stripes.” Perfect for overweight uncle types looking for a laugh at the family reunion.

Bow Legs . . . Cure?

What kills me about this ad is the sheer mystery and uncertainty of its intent . . . should a gentleman just send away for a booklet of perfect leg forms to gaze upon? If, after gazing upon them, a man is filled with envy and left bemoaning his less than perfect drumsticks, will the booklet then hawk a cure for those beset with dreaded and “unsightly” bow legs and knock knees? And . . . what kind of ghastly contraption could correct them??

Tactical

Float-ees Swim Trunks


Making it to adulthood without learning how to swim can be quite embarrassing for a man. You can’t very well put on a man-sized puddle-jumper. Float-ees is the solution! But make sure no one sees you blowing them up; you might get a real funny look.

The “Stick-‘Em-Up…The-Joke’s-on-You” Gun

Recommended for the “well dressed Chicagoan” in “these days of flying bullets and indiscriminate hold ups,” this invention was introduced in 1929, but unfortunately still seems useful for navigating the modern Windy City. Don it underneath your clothes (no one will notice you’re wearing a pillow-sized contraption under your suit), and “Instead of merely throwing up the hands when threatened by a hold up man the wearer can spray a stream of lead bullets in his face.”

I surrender . . . psyche!

_________________________________

Note: Most of these old advertisements were found on Modern Mechanix — a fascinating, often laugh-out-loud funny, but unfortunately now-defunct blog that collected this kind of delightful ephemera.

The post Window Shop At Your Own Risk: The 26 Worst Products for Men Ever Created appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

13 Aug 20:47

Recommended Reading: The rise and fall of 'Mortal Kombat'

by Billy Steele
'Mortal Kombat's' 1997 Was the Opposite of a Flawless Victory Matt Gerardi, AV Club The Mortal Kombat franchise was riding high... and then 1997 rolled around. AV Club takes a look at the hot streak before the release of two games and a movie in...
09 Aug 16:26

Fingernail-sized chip can repair damaged tissue in seconds

by Rachel England
A new device can begin repairing damaged organs in seconds, heralding a major breakthrough for life-saving medicine. Developed at Ohio State University, the technology known as tissue nanotransfection (TNT) uses a small coin-sized silicone chip that...
02 Aug 17:52

This Is Why You Have To Visit The Car Museums When You're In Italy

by Ken Saito
Chisulo.a

Doug.

Italy. A country of great food, great culture, and great driving. Well okay, two out of three isn’t so bad. In the five days I spent in Tuscany I fell in love with the country that gave us gelato, bolognese sauce, and of course, some of the best dream cars ever made.

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25 Jul 22:30

Netflix will stream Matt Groening's fantasy cartoon 'Disenchanted'

by Rob LeFebvre
It's been almost 30 years since Matt Groening launched his yellow nuclear Simpsons family on the Fox network. It's been about 18 since he took to the stars with Futurama. Both series have been successful, with plenty of recent merchandise, VR celebra...
24 Jul 19:41

The Pain And Pleasure Of Briefly Owning A Used Volkswagen Phaeton

by Eric Friedman

I can sum up my ownership experience of a 2004 Launch Edition Volkswagen Phaeton W12 exactly the way my friends describe their boats: my two best days were the day I bought it and the day I sold it. That said, the experience was bittersweet, mostly because I had a pretty good handle on the backstory of the car.

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21 Jul 13:37

'Stargate' revival will launch a new MGM streaming service

by Richard Lawler
Chisulo.a

Stupid proprietary streaming services...

At Comic-Con MGM celebrated the 20th anniversary of Stargate by announcing a new TV show in the series: Stargate Origins. Other than a teaser trailer and news that it will serve as a prequel there isn't much info about the show, but we know that to w...
13 Jul 13:46

This Delightful 3D-Printed Subaru WRX Engine Explains How A Boxer Engine Works

by Patrick George

What makes the Subaru WRX so magical? Is it symmetrical all-wheel drive? Turbocharging? The flat-brimmed hat that is required to operate one? All of those things are true, but one of the most unique things about this sport sedan is its special heart: the horizontally opposed “boxer” four-cylinder engine. Let’s learn…

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12 Jul 16:42

Honda Streaming Service Offered Children A New Kind Of Odyssey (Hint: It Was Porn)

by Ryan Felton
Chisulo.a

"Lord of the G-Strings" lulz

The new Honda Odyssey comes equipped with a tech-forward feature that lets parents spy on their kids—in night vision, too! I guess that would’ve been a handy asset for early buyers, because the minivan’s entertainment system literally offered a range of porn, including titles like “Gladiator Eroticus,” “Kinky Kong,”…

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01 Jul 21:43

The Cash Money app creates cover art for your rap debut

by Timothy J. Seppala
Music fans of a certain generation will remember Cash Money Records' charmingly kitschy album art. Twenty years later the record label is capitalizing on nostalgia with the Cash Money 20th Anniversary app. If you've ever wanted to put your face on a...
29 Jun 13:33

The Oldest Known Porno Movie Prominently Features A Car

by Jason Torchinsky

Long before everyone had machines on their desks, laps, and in their pockets capable of providing them with pornography from a global pornography-distribution network, people had to distribute hardcore pornography on celluloid film, like animals. The earliest example seems to be a 1915 movie that revolves around a car.

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29 Jun 11:25

Censors pull 'BoJack Horseman' two days after Chinese debut

by Saqib Shah
Two days after its debut on China's iQiyi streaming service, Netflix's critically acclaimed animated show BoJack Horseman is no longer on the platform. The move is a blow to Netflix's ongoing attempts to gain a foothold in the region, which stretch b...
28 Jun 17:24

Why Putting Regular Gas Into A Car That Needs Premium Won't Save You Any Money

by Jason Torchinsky

The question of whether or not you can damage a car that asks for premium gas by using regular gas is one that never seems to die. I’ve seen this question tear families apart, with sobbing and recriminations—it’s not pretty. That’s why I reached out to an actual fuel systems engineer to get to the bottom of this…

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23 Jun 12:35

Russians Turn Three Cars Into A Giant Fidget Spinner

by Alanis King

If the youth haven’t told you lately—it’s not cool to talk to adults, after all—little devices called “fidget spinners” are all the rage right now. And because it’s a sensation that’s sweeping more than just this nation, our friends from the land of wacky dash-cam videos decided to weld three cars into a giant spinner.

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21 Jun 16:27

Do Not Get Between Two Japanese Sumo Bots

by Andrew P Collins

I know as much about Sumo wrestling as you do- two large men in small loincloths slowly try to push each other out of a circle. I would have expected the same looming, deliberate pace from Robot Sumo. But no, these mean little things are terrifreakingfingly fast.

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21 Jun 12:11

IBM supercomputers will power global weather forecasts

by David Lumb
IBM's supercomputers might soon power the weather-predicting systems of tomorrow. Through its subsidiary The Weather Company, the computing titan has partnered with the University Corporation for Academic Research (UCAR) and the National Center for A...
20 Jun 17:53

Kids control the story in Netflix’s new interactive shows

by Edgar Alvarez
Chisulo.a

CYOA incoming?

After months of rumors and speculation, Netflix is officially taking the wraps off of its new interactive shows for kids. The company is calling its new type of programming "branching narratives," since viewers can control certain aspects of the stor...
12 Jun 16:47

Trappist-1 planets may have formed from chunks of melting ice

by Steve Dent
After its discovery, Trappist-1 instantly became one of the most interesting stars in the Milky Way, with seven Earth-sized planets including three in the life-supporting "habitable zone." But, why did the planets form in such uniform Earth-like size...
08 Jun 11:45

Atlus is bringing three great JRPGs to North America for the 3DS

by Mariella Moon
The Switch may have already arrived, but you may want to wait a bit before putting your 3DS in storage. Atlus, which you might know as the studio behind Persona, has just announced that it's releasing three Japanese RPGs for the handheld in the US an...
02 Jun 13:33

Awful Little Town Is Harassing A Woman Because She Drives A Hearse

by Jason Torchinsky
Chisulo.a

Of course the Awful Little Town had to be in NB... heh

If there’s anything that deserves to be cross-stitched into the great Throw Pillow of Justice, it’s probably the phrase Drive What Thou Wilt. Unless it’s dangerous or somehow really impairing someone else’s freedom, everyone should be free to drive whatever they damn well please. This is a lesson that the Canadian…

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02 Jun 00:40

Researchers will attempt to ‘reanimate’ a corpse with stem cells

by Andrew Tarantola
Brain death may no longer be a life sentence if one Philadelphia-based biomedical startup has its way. The company, Bioquark, plans to initiate a study later this year to see if a combination of stem cell and protein blend injections, electrical nerv...
31 May 11:34

'Genital Jousting' takes its phallic silliness to the beach

by Jon Fingas
If you didn't think Devolver Digital's Genital Jousting's phallic gameplay was ridiculous enough, you're in for a treat. The studio has released a Wet Hot Summer Update (what else would they call it?) for the title that adds season-appropriate modes...
29 May 11:30

Sana's smart sleep goggles for insomniacs will be out in 2018

by Mariella Moon
These sleep googles by a company called Sana Health cost a lot more than your typical mask, but it promises peaceful sleep 10 minutes after you put them on. That's because they more than just block the light: they have mechanisms inside that chunky,...
23 May 12:52

'Gray Pubic' is proof even AI can't get paint names right

by Mariella Moon
Chisulo.a

Some of these colour names would make better rapper names. Stanky Bean!

When the robots take over your job, remember this: you can try naming paints for a living. Research scientist and neural network enthusiast Janelle Shane experimented with the idea of using AI to name new paints. After all, we keep coming up with new...
18 May 11:07

Here Is the Porn Video That Played in DC's Union Station Last Night [NSFW]

by Sophie Kleeman on Gizmodo, shared by Justin T. Westbrook to Jalopnik

Last night, a display screen in Union Station—one of Washington DC’s main transit hubs—found itself moonlighting as a tiny pornographic theater. Now, Gizmodo can exclusively reveal footage of the incident, and I can assure you that, one, it’s definitely pornography, and two, I have never had a commute this stimulating.

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While not technically safe for work, this version has the most explicit moments censored:

As The Washington Post reported earlier today, bystanders were left “speechless” after the graphic video began playing on a display screen inside the station. The footage appeared to come from PornHub, a popular porn website, and lasted for about three minutes, according to an anonymous bystander interviewed by the Post. It remains unclear what caused the explicit video to play in this public train station.

Here are some eyewitness reactions from the story:

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“What the hell is this?” proclaimed one man, pointing at the screen.

“Oh my God!” yelled a woman who watched from afar.

“With all this new technology comes a lot of things we don’t expect,” Beverly Swaim-Staley, president and CEO of the Union Station Redevelopment Corporation, told NBC. Crucially, the Post did not include footage of the incident itself, which it noted had been posted online before disappearing.

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Fortunately for us all, Gizmodo has received a video of the incident from a tipster who wished to remain anonymous.

“It took a while for people to notice but when they did, they were surprised,” the tipster told us. “I’m not sure if it’s part of the larger hacks happening or just the most embarrassing kind of accident.”

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WARNING: NSFW VIDEO BELOW

When shown the video, Gizmodo Media Group executive managing editor Alex Dickinson said, “What’s that?” followed immediately by, “Oh.”

Update: Corey Price, VP of Pornhub, provided Gizmodo with the following comment regarding the brand’s surprise appearance in Union Station yesterday evening.

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“Pornhub is accessed by nearly 75 million fans across the world each day. It’s entirely possible the perpetrator of this incident was an avid fan who was perusing our content and unfortunately mishandled the technology behind the video screen at Union Hall. While we don’t condone such behavior — by any means — whatsoever, especially broadcasting unwarranted material to innocent passersby, we do hope it provided some…relief…in the midst of a hellacious commute home.”