Shared posts

10 Aug 20:20

Welcome to Gawker's New Men's Site: The Cuck

by Alex Pareene on The Cuck, shared by Alex Pareene to Gawker

Sex, dating, clothes, relationships, politics, sex, women—men have opinions about all of these things. And yet, there’s nowhere on the internet where you can go to read them. That changes today. Welcome to The Cuck, a pop-up, bespoke men’s site, for men.


04 Aug 02:45

Overburdened Public Defender's Office Orders Missouri Governor to Defend Poor Client

by Hudson Hongo
Overburdened Public Defender's Office Orders Missouri Governor to Defend Poor Client
Missouri Governor Jay Nixon. Photo: AP

Taking advantage of a law that allows him to assign any case to any member of the state bar, Missouri’s chief public defender, Michael Barrett, appointed Missouri Governor Jay Nixon (a fiscally conservative Democrat finishing his second term) as the defense attorney of a poor client this week, citing the governor’s refusal to provide his office with the resources it needs.…

“As of yet, I have not utilized this provision because it is my sincere belief that is wrong to reassign an obligation placed on the state by the 6th and 14th Amendments to private attorneys who have in no way contributed to the current crisis,” reads the letter Barrett sent Nixon dated Tuesday. “However, given the extraordinary circumstances that compel me to entertain any and all avenues for relief, it strikes me that I should begin with the one attorney in the state who not only created the problem, but is in a unique position to address it.”

Last month, the Missouri State Public Defender—allegedly the second worst-funded public defender’s office in the country—sued the governor after he withheld $3.5 million in caseload relief funding while reportedly leaving other executive agencies largely untouched.

“This action comes even after the Civil Rights Division of the Department of Justice found that poor black people are being deprived of their rights in Missouri due in large part to the lack of public defenders,” wrote Barrett. “As Director of the Public Defender System, I can only hire attorneys when I have the funding to do so.”

“Therefore,” Barrett concluded, “I hereby appoint you, Jeremiah W. (Jay) Nixon, Bar No. 29603, to enter your appearance as counsel of record in the attached case. Very truly yours, Michael Barrett.”

[h/t Christopher J. Hale]

19 Jul 13:45

Our Trump Twitter Bot Filters Out Donald Trump's New Handlers

by Ashley Feinberg
Our Trump Twitter Bot Filters Out Donald Trump's New Handlers

Like his wife, Donald Trump has never written all of his own material, but with his recent “professional” hires, it’s been harder than ever to tell which tweets actually come from the Donald himself. So we decided to make it easier. Meet @RealRealDonaldTrump—your only source for pure, unfiltered Trump tweets just the way god intended.

Thanks to an unhealthy degree of intense observation and Tweetedeck’s ability to display the device a tweet comes from, we’ve deduced that Donald Trump most likely tweets from an Android phone only. He’s told us before that he uses both iPhone and Android phones to tweet, but that was before Apple decided to let to the terrorists win.

And according to The New York Times, Donald Trump’s Samsung Galaxy is his main phone. What’s more, Trump’s Android-sent tweets just sound like Trump. Which is why Gawker’s Editorial Labs Director Adam Pash put together a Twitter bot that gives you Trump’s Android tweets and only Trump’s Android tweets. Should you choose to follow our raw and dirty Donald Trump, you’ll get such gems as:


And even:

Because we may not know who’s writing Melania’s speeches, but at least we can know when Donald Trump gets tweetin’.

20 Jun 21:00

Empire Mayonnaise, the Brooklyn artisanal mayonnaise store once parodied in a Saturday Night Live sk

by Hamilton Nolan

Empire Mayonnaise, the Brooklyn artisanal mayonnaise store once parodied in a Saturday Night Live sketch about gentrification, is being forced to move because the neighborhood “has gotten really expensive.” I bet they are so sick of the joke you are making right now.


16 Jun 13:25

Goldman Sachs Doesn't Want Its Employees Using Swears

by Brendan O'Connor
Goldman Sachs Doesn't Want Its Employees Using Swears
Photo: AP

CNBC has obtained a document (from 2008) listing all of the phrases a Goldman Sachs employee could use in an email that would trigger a review by the firm’s compliance department. The list includes phrases like “How could this happen again?” and “How could you|GS|Goldman possibly[?] lose so|this|that much.”

Goldman’s attorneys described the document as “a lexicon of terms and phrases used by the Firm’s Compliance department for surveillance of the electronic mail of certain employees.” And while such surveillance is standard practice, CNBC reports, the Securities and Exchange Commission does not have standards specifying what anyone should be looking for.

The bank seems particularly interested in whether its employees are feeling any emotions: One phrase on the list is, “I {was|am} extremely[?]{pissed|angry|concerned|upset|agitated|bothered|distressed|perturbed|worried|vexed|confused|flustered|discouraged|rattled|daunted|demoralized|disheartened|dismayed|distraught|unnerved}}.”

Goldman has updated its search technology since the document was produced, CNBC reports, which no doubt has inspired its employees to come up with new and enterprising ways of avoiding oversight.

Today, Goldman’s communications monitoring is more extensive than it was in 2008 and encompasses communications technologies beyond email. And rules about profanity in email have tightened. Goldman employees say the email system automatically pops up a window if a user attempts to send an email containing a bad word. The sender must click a box to demonstrate that he or she is aware of the expletive and approves sending it before the offending email will go through. Goldman’s employees are told their electronic communications will be watched.

“We deploy cutting-edge technology and exercise the utmost care to protect confidential information, secure data and provide high-end client service,” a spokeswoman said. “The firm’s monitoring efforts reflect our commitment to upholding the highest standards of professionalism and integrity.”

The compliance department seemed particularly concerned with the word “fuck,” flagging phrases like, “don’t you fucking understand,” “mad/angry/frustrated as hell/fuck,” “Screw/fuck it up,” “way to fucking much,” “what I fucking said,” “where the fuck/hell are you,” “who the heck/fuck/hell do you think you are,” and “don’t you fucking understand.”

Here is the full list, via CNBC:

a sure {bet}|{thing}

adjust your account|losses|profits

against my expressed[?] wishes

answer {your}|{the} %ANY%[0\,3] phone

are {not responsive}|unresponsive

bad to worse

charge in excessive amount

charged {too much}|{excessively}

close|end|terminate my %ANY% [1\,5] relationship with GS|Goldman|{this firm}

Clowns {managing|running} the fund|show|portfolio|account|{my money}

concern* %ANY% [1\,5] safety of my money|fund|account

cover {your}|{our} losses

didn’t authorize the sale

didn’t|didnt|{did not} explain to me|us

disturbs|troubles me|us

don’t worry i’ll take care of it

don’t you f*cking understand

done|{did this} without %ANY% [1\,5] calling|emailing|contacting me|us|anyone

embezzled the account

extremely|really|quite|very unhappy|disappointed

failed to execute {our}|{my}instructions

fix the {trade}|{trades}|{commissions}

fix|adjust|change the trade*|commission*

formally|formal complain|complaint

found numerous|several errors|mistakes

give you a piece of {the}|{my} commission

how could this happen again[?]

How could you|GS|Goldman possibly[?] lose so|this|that much

I %ANY% [0\,4] {losing}|{lost} patience with {you}|{GS}|{Goldman}

I am not a happy camper

I didn’t {authorize}|{agree}

I expect {a|an|your}[?] {answer*|response} {today|now|asap}

I|we have lost|{run out of}|{ran out of} confidence|faith|trust|patience

I have raised %ANY% [1\,5] at least %ANY%[1\,3] times

I have raised %ANY% [1\,5] so many times

I lost {exorbitant|enormous amounts of}|{so|too much} money

I told you %ANY% {days|weeks|months} ago

I told you %ANY%[0\,1] {days|weeks|months} ago

i want the %ANY%[0\,2] trade reversed

I wanted out of %ANY%[3] {stock | {hedge fund} | fund | account | position}

I won’t|wont|{will not} pay for the|this trade

I {don’t}|{dont}|{do not} understand

I {trusted}|{believed in}|{had faith in} you

“I {was|am} extremely[?]{pissed|angry|concerned|upset|agitated|bothered|distressed|




I {would appreciate}|want {a|an} {call|email}

if this {doesn’t} | {does not} get resolved|fixed soon|immediately|{right now}

incompetent|inept fund|account management

increasingly|really getting[?] frustrated

it is your | goldmans | {goldman’s} job to make sure

I|we demand

I|we will not pay

lack of care|attention %ANY% [1\,5] my money|account*|fund*

let me remind you

losing confidence|faith|trust|patience

mad|angry|frustrated as hell|f*ck

make it up to you

my repeated {requests}|{request}

no longer be doing business

No one {called|emailed|contacted}

no one {{gave you}|{had} permission}|{said you could}

not %ANY%[0\,1] reasonable

not even one phone[?] {call} | {email} | {word} from {you | goldman}

not made aware

not {heard {back[?]} from you}|{what we agreed}

Paying fees {through|thru} the {nose|a—|butt}

phone {calls}|{call}e-mail{have}|{has} not been answered

piece of sh*t

pissed|pisses me off

poor|terrible|crappy {fund|account|portfolio}[?] results|performance

really %ANY%[0\,2] pissed|{PO’d}

rebate|refund my|your loss*

rebate|refund what I lost

register that|this as a complaint

remedy the situation

report the matter to the {sec}|{nasd}|{nyse}

reverse the commissions

reverse {this}|{the} %ANY%[0\,5] {trade}|{transaction}

screw*|f*ck* it up

so frustrat*

something {went}|{is really}|{will go} wrong

split the difference

statement complaint

still have not received

stock will {fly}|{soar}|{dive}|{tank}

supposed to be the top|best financial company

surprised|concerned|frustrated|angry that you didn’t|{did not} contact|call|email me

take care of any fees|commissions

taken advantage of {{the exemption in Financial Reporting Standard} | {the following exemptions on the first time adoption} | {any of the relaxed hedge accounting requirements} | {passport\\, this will still be subject to}úLSE%}[?]

That’s not what I {said}|{told you}

the {deal | account | fund | trade | trades} {was | were} not handled properly

there is a %ANY%[0\,3] problem

there is|are|{appears to be} a|several mistake*

there was an|a error|mistake

These managers give me a really[?] bad feeling

this is %ANY%[0\,5] totally[?] unacceptable|{not acceptable}

this is not fair

this won’t|{will not} happen again

this {is not}|isn’t|wasn’t|{was not} the %ANY% amount|{correct price}|price|stock|{correct stock}

This {part of the}[?] portfolio is[?] completely[?] sucks|stinks|f*cked up|{messed up}

time to dump

trades could|should be cancelled|reversed

transfer my {account}|{funds}immediately

troubles|disturbs|{disturbing to} me how long follow-up has taken

undo|break the trade

way too f*cking much

what happened to %ANY%[0\,5] money

What happened to my {money}|{account}|{trade}|{funds}?

what i f*cking said

what the hell|f*ck|heck {are|is} {you|GS|Goldman} doing with my|this|the {money|account|trade|funds|savings|portfolio}

what the {f*ck}|{hell}|{heck} {happened}|{is going on}|{is happening} with|to my|the|this {account|money|trade|fund*|savings|portfolio

Where did my {money}|{funds}|{account} go

where the {f*ck}|{hell} are you

who can I escalate the|this matter|issue|problem

who the {f*ck}|{hell}|{heck} said you could

who the {heck}|{f*ck}|{hell} do you think you are

who {supervises}|{manages} you

why should I|we pay

why {haven’t}|{didn’t} you {return}|{returned} my {call}|{calls}

won’t be doing business with you|GS|Goldman

worst investment

wrong amount|price|{number of shares}|stock

You didn’t follow my {instructions}|{wishes}|{plans}|{objectives}

You didn’t {tell me}|{say} that

You never {told me}|{said} that

you said you would {redeem|sell}

You stole from {me}|{my account}

you told me there {was no}|{wasnt any}|{wasn’t any} {downside risk}|{risk involved}

you were not up front

you werent|weren’t|{were not} authorized

you {didn’t}|{did not} | {didnt} {%ANY%[?] listen}|{supervise}

you {didn’t}|{did not}|{didn’t} {answer the question} | {reply}

you {f*cked}|{messed}|{screwed} up

you {have to}|{must} buy this stock

your|Goldman’s failure to comply|respond

you|GS|Goldman failed to comply|respond

{Call the SEC} {%precededby% {{Please. 20549}|{Please. D.C.}úLSE%}[?] } | {{{at 1-800-sec-0330} úlse%}[?]}

{contact}|{call the} {appropriate[*]} {authorities}|{regulators}|{nasd}|{nyse}|{sec}

{did not}|{didnt}|{didn’t} have permission to {buy}|{sell}|{trade}|{exchange}

{do not}|don’t have the confidence|faith|trust|patience to continue

{does not}|doesn’t|don’t respond|reply to my calls|emails

{don’t}|{dont}worry about the losses

{have|has} not received {the paperwork} | {any calls}

{I am}|I’m {%ANY%[0\,2]} {pissed off}|furious|irate|livid|incensed|upset|angry

{I am}|I’m|Im {not satisfied}|unsatisfied|dissatisfied

{i promise this time}|{this time i promise}

{i’ll}|{I will} fix {everything}|{it}

{i’ll}|{I will} work it out

{i’ve been trying}|{i’ve tried} to reach you

{i’ve}|{I have} been {unable}|{unsuccessful}trying to reach you

{i’ve}|{I have} contacted {my}|{an}|{your} attorney

{It’s|it is} %ANY%[0\,2] impossible to understand what|{what is} {{going on}|happened|occurred}

{I}|{Goldman Sachs}|{the firm}|{we} will make up the losses

{I}|{Goldman Sachs}|{the firm}|{we} {guarantee*}|{promis*}|{swear*} that[?] this won’t|{will not}|{will never} happen again

{I}|{we} will sue {you}|{your firm}|{Goldman}|{GS}

{I}|{we} will take you to court


{regarding}|{concerning} your problem

{should have}|should’ve been bought|sold|done %ANY% [1\,5] ago

{transactions}|{transaction}|{trade} {was}|{were} never executed

{transfer|sale} still {hasn’t}|{has not} {happened|occurred}

{where have you been}|{where the {f*ck}|{hell}|{heck} have you been}

{who is}|{i want the name of} your {supervisor}|{manager}

{you’re}|{you are} a piece of sh*t

{your|these}{behavior|actions} are %ANY%[0\,1] {unacceptable|{not acceptable}}

{You}|{Goldman Sachs}|{the firm} were|was not authorized

{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} personally guaranteed

{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} will be hearing from my {attorney}|{lawyer}

{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} {messed}|{screwed} up

{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} {won’t}|{will not} get away with this

{mistake|error} on {your|GS|Goldman*} part

receiv* a|any|no response to my {email}|{call}|{inquir*}|{question*}|{complaint*}

{I}|{we} {did not}|{did’nt}|{didnt} receive|get a response

negatively affected by this|these %ANY%[0\,5] change*|error*|mistake*

{please let me}|{allow me to} address your {concerns}|{confusion}|{problem}

missing money|funds

{not happy}|unhappy|dissatisfied with the {way}|{manner} in which this is being handled|addressed|resolved

not happy|satisfied|content with the way GS|Goldman|you is|are handling|resolving|addressing this

GS|Goldman is really upsetting|frustrating me

{I don’t think this is}|{this is not}|{this isn’t} the type of customer service I deserve|expect*

avoid this kind|type of error|mistake|fumble|misstep|slipup|{foul up}|stumble

{please let me}|{allow me to} provide %ANY%[0\\,5] a|an reason|explanation

{I have}|{i’ve} been {unhappy}|{displeased}|{unsatisfied} with the {firm’s attitude}|{attitude of the firm}

I am {unhappy}|{displeased}|{unsatisfied} with the {firm’s attitude}|{attitude of the firm}

{I have}|{I’ve} found the {direction|attitude} of the firm {troubling|worrisome|disturbing|concerning|demoralizing|aggravating|perturbing|distressing|discomforting|disconcerting|demoralizing}

{I|we} find the {direction|attitude} of the firm {troubling|worrisome|disturbing|concerning|demoralizing|aggravating|perturbing|distressing|discomforting|disconcerting|demoralizing}

{my|our} {low|unsavory} view of {GS|goldman|{the firm}}

Not For[?] Communicat*|Distribut*|send*|delive* Outside %any%[\,2] Firm|GS|{goldman sachs}|goldman

for internal use in the offices of

internal only

internal u.s.e. only

{internal use only} { {%precededby% { {private|your | { for and confidential deemed is message this in } }úlse%}} | {{%any%[\\,2] {to be completed by} | {checking account number} }úlse%} | {%any%[0\\,5] SMARTPlus}úlse% }[?]

{social security}|{soc sec}|soc|ss{{no|number|#}[*]}%#\d\d\d\p\d\d\p\d\d\d\d%


08 Jun 21:50

One Weird Chart That Explains American Politics in 2016

by Hamilton Nolan

This is the big story that all the little stories come from:


01 Jun 04:20

$5 Million Diamond-Encrusted Gold Eagle Reportedly Stolen En Route to Secret Vault

by Hudson Hongo

On Sunday, an 18-pound, solid-gold eagle statue studded with diamonds and an emerald salvaged from a Spanish treasure ship was allegedly stolen from owner Ron Shore on the street in British Columbia, CBC reports.


27 May 16:45

Is Hollywood's Sugarcoating of Violence a Good or Bad Thing for Moviegoers?

by Rich Juzwiak
Is Hollywood's Sugarcoating of Violence a Good or Bad Thing for Moviegoers?
Photo: 20th Century Fox

A throat is slit, heads are lopped off, buildings crumble, bodies dissolve, Wolverine’s metal claws plunge into multiple living bodies, and little more than a spritz of blood is shed during the two-and-a-half-hour running time of Bryan Singer’s X-Men: Apocalypse. The latest entry in 20th Century Fox’s 16-year-old franchise is its worst, as it manages to be both overstuffed with characters yet empty in its depiction of them. It’s a low-to-no-stakes narrative in an ever-unfolding franchise, and Apocalypse seems mostly to exist because, well, it’s time for a new X-Men movie.

X-Men: Apocalypse seems particularly useless when compared to recent, more intellectually engaged spandex fests. Both Captain America: Civil War and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice openly grappled with the sort of accountability their franchises have long skirted (albeit the former did so with way more coherence than the latter). In the name of heroism, their protagonists have inflicted destruction upon their environments. They always get the bad guys, but the cost of this in terms of number of unseen deaths has gone mostly uncounted until this year.

Still, Captain America: Civil War is full of PG-13 violence, the kind that finds a man repeatedly bludgeoned in the face without producing much blood, and one in which a superhero’s arm is ripped off without any visible gore or guts (granted, it’s a robotic arm).

What these and a growing number of PG-13-rated movies suggest is that acts of violence are permissible in a way that their consequences—from drawn blood to human suffering to loss—are not. PG-13 movies target a broader age group than R-rated movies do. They also make more money. The Classification and Rating Administration (CARA) division of the Motion Picture Association of America is responsible for giving films their ratings and states in its Classification Rules and Ratings document: “There may be depictions of violence in a PG-13 movie, but generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent violence.”

This can play out absurdly—the PG-13 version of Live Free or Die Hard features a bloodless shooting that magically produces a red geyser in the film’s unrated version. Liam Neeson’s character in the PG-13-rated Taken 2 gets away with an estimated 23 deaths—more than Jason Voorhees enacts in almost every Friday the 13th flick. Death here is not the issue—its severity is. Sugarcoating means sales.

And the bodies keep piling up. A 2013 study published in the journal Pediatrics, “Gun Violence Trends in Movies found more violence in PG-13 movies than in R-rated movies.

“It’s clear that PG-13 movies sanitize the violence, so they take out the blood, and that allows them to show a lot more killing than you see typically even in R-rated movies,” explained one of that study’s authors, Dan Romer, by phone. Romer is research director of the Annenberg Public Policy Center and director of its Adolescent Communication Institute at UPENN.

“R-rated movies that have violence will have more blood, and show more suffering, but there’s actually less violence in those movies, ironically,” he continued. “So PG-13 allows Hollywood to have lots and lots of what some people think of as gratuitous violence, and get away with it because they’re not showing the pain and the suffering and what actually happens if you get hit with a bullet.”

In other words, MPAA classifications don’t theoretically protect kids from violence itself, but from its more disturbing consequences. The drive to satisfy the MPAA to achieve a PG-13 classification essentially incentivizes making brutal acts consumable. We seem to agree as a culture, then, that the harder something is to watch, the worse it is for you.

Romer said he plans to look into the effects of PG-13's bloodless violence versus the more graphic kind that you’d find in an R-rated movie, though no data comparing the two exists, to his knowledge. “It could turn out that the ratings are the inverse of harmfulness—that PG-13 is worse than R,” he said. “But we really don’t know. The research hasn’t been done to answer that question.”

Just what is at stake here? What does “harmfulness” mean in the conversation about cinematic violence, which has the feel of being beamed in from the ‘90s? Romer says the primary fear is that “seeing films with lots of gun violence will develop a more favorable attitude [in viewers] toward the use of guns and increase their likelihood of being seen as an effective way of dealing with conflict.” He points to Bandura’s famous bobo doll experiment to show how kids model the behavior of adults they see in media, and mentions the ready availability of guns in America to suggest the practical implications of this “more favorable attitude” toward gun violence. “Gun Violence Trends in Movies” also points to several studies that measured elevated aggression levels after watching violent media, including “Short-term and Long-term Effects of Violent Media on Aggression in Children and Adults,” which was co-authored by a co-author of “...Trends in Movies,” Ohio State professor Brad Bushman.

“In general what researchers find with violent media is that it does tend to have a temporary increase in aggression, but it’s very questionable how long that lasts,” said Patrick Markey, a professor at Villanova. “I like to think of it like any kind of art. If you go see a really sad movie, you’ll get sad afterward and feel bummed, but it doesn’t change you. You’re not depressed suddenly. Violence probably does the same thing. Right after we see a violent movie, we might be more hyped up about it, but it doesn’t change who we are.”

In 2014, Markey co-authored a paper in Human Communication Research called “Violent Movies and Severe Acts of Violence: Sensationalism Versus Science” that challenged some of the claims in “Gun Violence Trends in Movies” and found that “although watching a violent film does not seem to be related to shifts in homicide or aggravated assault rates, such exposure may affect other types of less severe aggressive behaviors such as bullying, spreading gossip, minor fights at school, pushing and shoving, or hurling insults.” Violence in PG-13 movies may be on the rise since 1985 (a point in Romer’s paper that Markey doesn’t contest) but as the Washington Post pointed out in December, gun violence in the U.S. has been on the wane since 1993. The “sensationalism” in the title of Markey’s paper refers to the way Romer’s findings were pegged on extreme acts of violence like the Aurora shooting, as opposed to overall trends. (The Attenberg Public Policy Center than issued a response to the response.)

If PG- and PG-13-levels of violence is being consumed by more people in more cinematic acts, and yet violent crime is on the wane, could it be that consumable violence is somehow pro-social? Instead of being a disingenuous way of commodifying the idea of death, could PG-13 movies somehow be giving our society the violence it seems to crave without the negative consequences? Have we found our perfect portion? In my estimation, the most brutal decade in cinema was the ‘70s, when crime rates were much higher (and Vietnam still had a tremendous grip on our national psyche). Think about how the extreme violence of many of the movie offerings along 42nd Street during its grindhouse heyday reflected the violence one could encounter just outside the theater (and sometimes within). Think about how this study of violent video games found that in video games that had an option to turn off the blood and gore, “that the presence of blood within the game increased verbally aggressive intentions when it was accompanied by an increase in aggressive cognition.” The study also cites “television research where the presence of blood lessens the likelihood of imitation.”

But though an R-rated movie may spill more blood, it can’t possibly capture the extent to which violence disrupts and affects lives. You don’t get to smell the stink of death. We’re talking about degrees of packaging violence. The director Ben Wheatley explained this vividly in a recent conversation we had:

I think the example for me is Hannibal, the TV show, where it’s so horrible, unbelievably horrible. I was watching it, thinking, “Why is this so fucking horrible, this thing?” I think it’s because if in real life I saw a dead body over there and they’d just had a heart attack and died, I’d be traumatized by it and think about it for weeks. If I see it on a TV show and that’s happened...I don’t care. They must have hit that thing and gone, “Right, well now we do a procedural investigation, but no one cares about murder anymore so it has to be this much murder.” If anything had happened on that show in real life, everyone would be talking about it forever. For every episode forever and ever. There would be a whole industry of publishing books about it, going over it, “Well, how could this happen?” I was thinking that’s a crazy gap, between reality and how a show is perceived.

Perhaps the question at the heart of this piece is one of artistry, not sociology. And anyway, if you go looking for art in a blockbuster, you’re likely to leave the theater disappointed.

Regardless, I reached out to the MPAA for more clarity on its process and its philosophy regarding consumable violence. The response I received via MPAA Corporate Communications VP Chris Ortman is on background and vague as it is, so I am summarizing it instead of quoting directly.

According to the MPAA, the ratings system is not meant to police art or protect children but to provide parents with information. Movies are evaluated on a case-by-case basis and there is no predetermined quota of the amount of violence that would dictate what received a PG-13 rating versus and R rating. The MPAA says it is in a continuing dialogue with parents. Furthermore, a recent Nielsen survey found that 80 percent of parents find the ratings system accurate.

Which is to say that a PG-13 movie is a PG-13 movie because it seems like a PG-13 movie, and most people more or less agree that it is. Whatever the implications, fallout, suggested philosophy, or whatever is of far less concern than maintaining the status quo as we understand it.

25 May 13:50

Reports: Tech Billionaire Peter Thiel Secretly Bankrolled Hulk Hogan’s Lawsuit Against Gawker

by J.K. Trotter

On Monday, the New York Times reported that Gawker Media CEO Nick Denton had come to believe that a wealthy individual has been funding a steady stream of lawsuits, including three different ones filed by Hulk Hogan alone, against his company. Two journalists at Forbes magazine, Ryan Mac and Matt Drange, are lending credence to Denton’s theory. On Tuesday evening, the pair revealed that the powerful Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel has been secretly underwriting Hulk Hogan’s litigation against Gawker:


14 May 18:40

America's Most Common Drug Ingredient Could Be Making You Less Empathetic 

by Angela Chen on Gizmodo, shared by Melissa Cronin to Gawker

Every week, a quarter of Americans take a painkiller that could be dampening our collective feelings of empathy. In a paper published online this week, scientists claim that acetaminophen, Tylenol’s main ingredient, makes people more likely to think that other people’s pain isn’t a big deal.


29 Apr 19:24

I Can't "Deal" With This

by Kelly Stout

It's never been easier to be a card-carrying woman

On Tuesday night, Donald Trump said , of Hillary Clinton, “The only thing she’s got going for her is the woman’s card, and the beautiful thing is, women don’t like her.”


04 Apr 14:50

Highway Patrol Chases Very Good Boy Across Bay Bridge

by Gabrielle Bluestone

Some levity, for a change, from law enforcement—a tiny dog running across a major San Francisco bridge with the highway patrol in hot pursuit. An incredible experience for everyone involved, except all the people stuck in traffic behind them.


30 Mar 18:45

I Can't Read

by A dog on Dog, shared by Hamilton Nolan to Gawker
I Can't Read
Illustration by Jim Cooke

I can’t.

It flummoxes me why this flummoxes a lot of people. I guess you could call it a double flummox, like some sort of gymnastics move. If I were to imagine such a move it would involve me, my paws taped to a swinging trapeze bar, cutting myself loose at the highest point of its swinging arc and flipping once, twice, end over end, before splashing down safely in a landing pool full of butterscotch pudding. As I lick myself clean, the sports announcers wait patiently to interview me about my successful gym-mazement. Even if it takes a while, they’ll wait. That’s part of the job.

I never did learn the alphabet. Now that I think about it I never learned the alphabet, the coloring books, the regular books, the pages of books, the numbers, the math, the calculators, the computers, the wall posters, the yard signs, the billboards, the graffiti writing, or the cursive. I never learned to type. My one attempt ended ignominiously when it became clear that my unwieldy paws were ill-equipped for the precision needed to accurately strike the desired letters in the proper sequence. The letters themselves were Greek to me, too. So even if I had the dexterity for typing I still wouldn’t have been able to produce a sentence. Needless to say my challenges were myriad!

None of this means that I want your pity. “Here, take the pity,” people are always saying. “Did you say patty, as in hamburger patty, or Jamaican beef patty?” I’ll ask, just to clarify. They always say no. But I’d hate to miss the day when someone was actually offering me a patty and I mistook it for an offer of pity. Up until now, though, everyone has in fact been offering pity.

Keep it! Put it right back in your pocket and amble on to your work job. I’ll stay here, in the grass. My life is beautiful. Illiteracy has never held me back from my goals. My goal is to eat all of the food in my bowl, down to the last kibble, and when that one last kibble is left, to lap it up with my tongue, flip it up into the air, and let it bonk me on the head. Then it falls to the ground and I eat it. It’s a gorgeous kind of acrobatic performance, I promise you. A work in progress—but one I believe I can achieve. Words play no part. What does play a part? Kibble, tongue. And soul.

Me, my soul. My rump in the grass.

Symbols—what are they good for? “Absolutely nothing!” I cry, “headbanging” to the extent possible, my ears wildly flopping like the proverbial hair rocker’s hair, sending a message. Many people are defensive on my behalf. They want to defend me from the written word. “How dare you write that about the good boy?” they cry to the newspaper man. “How dare you publish the thing about the good boy being overweight?” they cavortle to the magazine lady. “Don’t you believe what the mean man wrote about you!” they cry to me, falling on their knees before me, overcome with emotion. It’s unsportsmanlike and frankly makes them appear deranged. Do I give a flying hey about a string of inscrutable symbols? I don’t care a whit! Meanwhile I sit in the grass. Rumpus planted. Kibble flipping. Flying on airways, mentally barking.

Don’t feel bad for me, baby. I’m happening right here on solid land.

28 Mar 13:44

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by Gawker Staff

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12 Mar 01:30

J.K. Rowling's History of Magic in North America Was a Travesty From Start to Finish

by Katharine Trendacosta on io9, shared by Melissa Cronin to Gawker

All this week, J.K. Rowling has been publishing History of Magic in North America, one part a day for four days. When it’s been at its best, it’s been sloppy; when its not at its best—which is most of the time—it’s uninformed and under-researched. At its worst, it is downright offensive, and here’s why.


26 Feb 16:19

Murder Is Legal and Torture Is Mandatory, Because Gods of Egypt Exists

by Charlie Jane Anders on io9, shared by Alex Pareene to Gawker

Go ahead, commit cannibalism! Slaughter your neighbors and feast on their still-warm flesh. Nobody can judge you, because the mere existence of the film Gods of Egypt has dissolved all social contracts, and eliminated forever all concepts of good and evil.


05 Feb 00:17


08 Feb 02:11

Mountain Dew Presents the PuppyMonkeyBaby, a Horror-Hallucination of Brand Awareness

by Melissa Cronin

The brands were out in full force during Sunday’s Superbowl, reaching the eyeballs of millions of consumers with millions of dollars. Mountain Dew took a novel tact, attempting to create the most grotesque, unsettling, and plain awful character of all (worse, even, than Norm MacDonald’s Colonel Sanders): PuppyMonkeyBaby.


27 Dec 13:02




26 Dec 21:01

feministlisafrank: Quote by Ida B. Wells-Barnett. Happy 153rd...


Quote by Ida B. Wells-Barnett. Happy 153rd birthday.

17 Dec 03:49

osakandestroyer: nentindo: every 2006 newgrounder’s wet...



every 2006 newgrounder’s wet dream

Smash Bros is actually a Sprite Comic Fighting game 

17 Dec 17:30

Every Word Jezebel Used to Describe Donald Trump in 2015

by Anna Merlan on The Slot, shared by Alex Pareene to Gawker

Every Word Jezebel Used to Describe Donald Trump in 2015

Writing about Donald Trump is a thankless task, made only faintly bearable by coming up with new ways to describe him. Below, an exhaustive list of every phrase this website came up with to talk about Trump in 2015.

As you can see, these descriptors got both funnier and depressingly numerous as the year went on. You’ll also notice a very distinct drop between February and May, and there’s a reason for that: Trump announced his candidacy in June, and for the preceding few months, he wisely didn’t make a ton of news. For a time there, after he did announce, it was funny enough all by itself to just write “presidential candidate Donald Trump.” Those times are over, and here we stand: bruised, exhausted, and with hundreds of new adjectives. Enjoy!


A really relaxed guy



An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back

Orange asshat

Four-time bankruptcy filer and seething hernia mass


Bone-in ham

Sun-dried tomato

A shithead

Adult blobfish

Deflated football

Fart-infused lump of raw meat


Melting pig carcass

Disgraced racist

Talking comb-over

Human equivalent of cargo pants that zip away into shorts

Cheeto-dusted bloviator

Fuzzy meat wad


Bag of flour

Human turd

Not in any way sexist, you bimbos

A man who cherishes women

Future leader of the free world

Decomposing ear of corn

His own best parody

A rich idiot ... willing to allow garbage to fall out of his mouth without batting a single golden lash

Pond scum


Noted troll

The class clown that everyone wishes would be quiet and let the class learn

Melting businessman

The person still inexplicably leading the Republican presidential primary

Wax museum figure on a very hot day

Soggy burlap sack

Bag of toxic sludge

Your next president and ruler for life

A brightly burning trash fire

Impoverished urchin

Aggressively stupid


Great judgment-haver

Man-sized sebaceous cyst

Enlarged pee-splattered Sno Cone

Empty popcorn bag rotting in the sun

Man-shaped asbestos insulation board

Hair plug swollen with rancid egg whites

Inside-out lower intestine

Dusty barrel of fermented peepee

Usually reasonable burlap sack full of rancid Peeps

Degloved zoo penis

Presidential candidate and bargain bin full of yellowing Jean-Claude Van Damme movies

Hairpiece come to life

Normal-looking human man and entirely credible choice as future leader of the free world

Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels

A dishrag that on closer inspection is alive with maggots

Lead paint factory explosion

Candied yam riddled with moldy spider carcasses


Enraged Gak spill

The shriveled pinto bean you had to pluck out of your Chipotle burrito basket

Human-sized infectious microbe

Poorly-trained circus orangutan

Chester Cheetah impersonator

Lumbering human-like tardigrade

A tiny piece of dried cat poop that you found in your rug

I’m honestly not sure if we should be proud of ourselves here or terribly, terribly depressed.

Image via AP, illustration by Bobby Finger

Contact the author at
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: 67B5 5767 9D6F 652E 8EFD 76F5 3CF0 DAF2 79E5 1FB6

17 Dec 18:03

If You Were Admiring Martin Shkreli’s Perp Walk Hoodie—Well, Here’s Where You Can Buy One

by J.K. Trotter

You might be wondering: Where did that alleged fraudster Martin Shkreli get the grey hoodie he was sporting on his perp walk in New York City this morning? A forensic analysis of various photos taken this morning (some of which captured the word “CARGO” pressed into the hoodie’s metal zipper fob) pointed us to the following hoodie sold by the New York-based sports retailer Modell’s: The Cargo Mens Full Zip Hoodie in Light Grey.* It is also available in a “big mens” version, for the big mens in your life.


15 Dec 04:45

Physicists Reject Notion That Racial and Gender Diversity Have No Value in Science

by Brendan O'Connor

A group of nearly 2,000 professional physicists and astrophysicists have signed a letter, drafted by members of the Equity & Inclusion in Physics & Astronomy Facebook group and addressed to the Supreme Court justices, repudiating the lines of questioning put forward by Justices Antonin Scalia and John Roberts which implied that affirmative action disadvantages black students by putting them in situations they are not equipped to handle, and that furthermore diversity has no role to play in the ostensibly objective world of science.


13 Dec 06:08

negatony: hitsuzenhere: phantomdoodler: mypillowforte: jlinga...

09 Dec 00:35

smorgansbord: smorgansbord: So my roommate and I got these Rudolph Christmas coloring books a...



So my roommate and I got these Rudolph Christmas coloring books a couple of weeks back. Since it’s finals week, I wanted to ease my mind into studying by coloring. First time opening the book and I saw this picture..

And I thought to myself

Oh my god do I try.

I swear to god if I get tumblr famous over this stinkin Heman the meme nose reindeer.

09 Dec 15:54

galpalactic: me: *googles how to mash potatoes* some food blogger: My childhood home was full of...


me: *googles how to mash potatoes*

some food blogger: My childhood home was full of wind and light. On a brisk Autumn evening, it often felt as if the outside was in. My younger sister, my mother, our favourite cousin, our dog, our other dog, our dog’s sister, and I would sit on the floor in the living room for hours, lit only by the moon and candlelight

me: *scrolls for several minutes*

some food blogger: It was at that moment, with my tiny hands clasped tightly around a mason jar filled with fireflies, that I realised the true value of family. My dog and my dog’s sister came and sat quietly at my feet. We stared up at the sky together, and I felt truly connected to both the Earth at my feet and the ancestors who shared the blood that ran through them, for the first time realising that

me: *scrolls for several minutes*

some food blogger: and when we finally made it home, our cheeks flushed with laughter and cold, there were warm mashed potatoes waiting for us. I will always remember their fluffiness, perfectly mirroring the light feeling I carried with me for the entire next week. This is my favourite cousin’s recipe from that very day, modified slightly to not be fucking awful. Boil an potato and smush it up with fork and botter. NOT A RAW, Salt, pepepr. In it

08 Dec 22:07

“I think Mr Trump’s somewhat knee-jerk reaction to this, saying that all Muslims should be banned fr

by Alex Pareene

“I think Mr Trump’s somewhat knee-jerk reaction to this, saying that all Muslims should be banned from coming into America was perhaps for him a political mistake too far.” — Nigel Farage, leader of Great Britain’s far-right populist anti-immigration party UKIP, to the BBC.


09 Dec 14:33

Guess Who Bought The One of a Kind, Million-Dollar Wu-Tang Album. No, Really. Guess.

by Jordan Sargent

This... fuckin’.... guy!!!


09 Dec 18:00

Opportunistic Predator and Living Symbol of America Attacked by Bald Eagle

by Ashley Feinberg

Opportunistic Predator and Living Symbol of America Attacked by Bald Eagle

Last August, Time took some photographs of a bird-brained, predatory beast to add a bit of color to its Person of the Year line-up. A bald eagle was also present.