Dinadirections

Milk.

It provides our bodies with calcium. It makes our cereal soggy. It does the body good. In some people, it can cause gastrointestinal issues. It’s the co-star in way too many Gallon Milk Challenge and Gallon Smashing YouTube videos. It’s the reason why there are hundreds of “Got Milk?” rip-offs on bumper stickers and t-shirts, like “Got Muscle?”, “Got Beer?”, “Got Weed?”, and “Got Balls?”. And it’s what we’ve dunked our Oreo cookies into for decades.

But I’m not sure milk is the appropriate liquid to dunk these Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo Cookies in. That, obviously, would be fruit punch.

Now you might be thinking to yourself, “What weirdo would dunk Oreo cookies into fruit punch?” Well, who has two thumbs and a Pyrex measuring cup filled with fruit punch that has Golden Oreo cookie crumbs floating on top?

This guy!

For some of you, the idea of just eating Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo Cookies sounds gross. It seems like a flavor a food scientist would come up with after drinking a few too many glasses of spiked fruit punch.

And for many of you, the thought of dunking these Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo Cookies into fruit punch and then eating the cookie probably sounds even worse. But having done both, I have to say they are not gross.

From the moment I opened the packaging to the last bit of chewed cookie going down my gullet, I experienced fruit punch. Its smell is spot on. Its flavor is spot on. The color of its Red 40-enhanced creme is spot on. Its texture…well, it’s a cookie so it’s not going to be spot on.

Companies have different interpretations of fruit punch, but the Fruit Punch Oreo cookie’s creme tastes exactly like a product I’ve had in the past. Sadly, I can’t remember what it was (I’m thinking it could be a Popsicle), but the creme has a nice cherry, citrusy flavor, which is also very potent. So if you’re one of those people who really loves to say the word “cloyingly,” these cookies will make your linguistic side happy. I thought the crunchy Golden Oreo wafer would dampen the creme’s flavor, but it does not.

However, even though I can see the fruit punch flavor being a little strong for some, I think these Nabisco Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo Cookies are so wonderful that they make me want to strip off my clothes, paint my entire body red, draw a smiling face on my belly with the thickest Sharpie pen using my belly button as a nostril, and then burst through a wall yelling, “Oh yeah!”

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo Cookies
Purchased Price: $4.99*
Size: 12.2 oz.
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Spot on fruit punch aroma, flavor, and color. Has a nice cherry, citrusy flavor. Dunking them into fruit punch is surprisingly not bad. Makes me want to get naked.
Cons: Fruit punch creme might be too potent for some. It’s limited edition and available only at Walmart. Dunking them into milk is probably not a good idea. Makes me want to get naked.

*I had to purchase these on eBay because they were hard to find in my area, but you’ll probably pay somewhere between $2.50 and $3.50, if you buy them at Walmart, where they’re an exclusive flavor.

A Bronx gym teacher claims she was fired from her job because she turned down a threesome with a fellow gym teacher and her boyfriend. Carisa Gaylardo says in a lawsuit that she was fired from Riverdale Kingsbridge Academy last year due to the efforts of tenured gym teacher Sofia Memos, who waged a campaign against her after Gaylardo rejected repeated advances. [ more › ]

The retail giant will carry Wild Oats products that will undercut brand-name organic competitors by at least 25 percent.

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. Hi BodyRockers, Hi BodyRockers, People say that word of mouth is the most powerful recommendation you can receive. BodyRock.Tv

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The single serve coffee pods popular with office kitchens and harried home coffee makers pack a convenient punch of caffeine in each of their foil-topped cups, and they've become a big hit since they hit the market a few years ago. Popularized by the Keurig brand, the cups have dramatically increased in popularity, more than tripling sales since 2011. But with all that convenience comes the dark side of disposal, with gargantuan amounts of pod trash generated annually. [ more › ]

Let’s face it. The only thing most of you care about on Taco Bell’s breakfast menu is their Waffle Taco, because almost everything else consists of the same ingredients in a flour tortilla.

Begin sarcasm.

A flour tortilla taco with bacon, eggs, and cheese! Ooooh! A flour tortilla burrito with sausage, egg, and cheese! Wonderful! Sausage, egg, cheese, and hash browns wrapped in a flour tortilla! Whoa!

End sarcasm.

While Taco Bell’s Waffle Taco also contains scrambled eggs, cheese, and either bacon or sausage, it delivers them in something that is definitely not a flour tortilla — a five-inch round waffle that’s curved like a taco. And all of that comes in a container with the words, “Right now I’m eating a Waffle Taco and you’re not,” which, when holding the box in public, kind of makes me look like an asshole. Thanks, Taco Bell!

You have the option of having your Waffle Taco come with either bacon or a sausage patty. But if you also have the option of eating breakfast somewhere else, I’d take that option because both are horribly disappointing. But if you don’t have that third option, go for the sausage because it’s slightly better tasting than the bacon, which are chewy little bits of pork that have very little bacon flavor.

It’s really frustrating to see Taco Bell go the bacon bits route, but it’s even more frustrating that they didn’t go with a better bacon. Over the past few years, many of the big fast food chains have upgraded their bacon from chewy, almost flavorless slices that don’t deserve to be called bacon to thick, savory, and sometimes crispy slices of Applewood smoked bacon. Those fast food chains are at Bacon 2.0, while Taco Bell settled with Bacon 1.0.

As I mentioned earlier, the sausage patty is slightly better. But that advantage is similar to drowning and drowning while being circled by sharks. While it does spoon very nicely with the curved waffle, it’s not seasoned very well, allowing its flavor to be easily masked by the syrup, which comes in a container that looks small, but contains more than enough sticky stuff to dump on your breakfast taco. There’s nothing special about the syrup’s flavor; it’s just generic pancake syrup. However, I found that the more I used, the greater the number of napkins I needed. This might explain one of the reasons why it comes in a box, instead of a paper wrapper. I guess the box not only helps keep the waffle from laying flat, it’s also a syrup drip catcher.

One of the characteristics that makes a waffle a waffle is its crispy exterior, but this waffle is disappointingly floppy and soft, which Taco Bell will probably claim has never happened before, doesn’t know what’s wrong, and definitely thinks you’re sexy. But I guess it has to be floppy if it’s going to be folded like that. The eggs are fluffish, but are more bland than the bacon and sausage. A little butteriness would’ve helped. As for the cheese…yeah, that’s not going to make a difference.

For something that’s been tested for almost a year, I’m surprised by how bad these Taco Bell Waffle Tacos are. They’re supposed to hit your jaw with the 1-2 combo of sweet and savory, but it’s mostly sweet. Even without the syrup, the savory is seriously missing. I’ll admit, they don’t lack imagination, but they do lack flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – Bacon – 320 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 670 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein. Sausage – 370 calories, 210 calories from fat, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein. .)

Item: Taco Bell Waffle Taco (Bacon and Sausage)
Purchased Price: $2.79*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Bacon)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Sausage)
Pros: Most interesting item on the Taco Bell breakfast menu. Syrup container might be small, but there’s more than enough syrup for one waffle taco. Sausage version is slightly better than the bacon one.
Cons: Soft and floppy waffle; not crispy at all. Sausage and bacon have very little flavor. Eggs could’ve used some butteriness. Mostly sweet, very little savory. Box it comes in makes me feel like a douchebag. Messy.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

For this week's Sandwich Monday, we sample the long-awaited Taco Bell Breakfast Menu. Its centerpiece is a celebratory wedding of waffles and tacos.

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You ever look at Fluffy or Rex, happily chomping away at whatever's in their bowl for the 3000th time, and wonder how a creature can so happily eat the same thing over and over again? Or, even better, think it'd be so great to just be able to buy a 20-lb sack of chow for like $10 like you do for the dog, and just have that be your food for a month? You think, hey, it works for them, something like that should be able to work for me. Then you remember, yes, there was once upon a time that you could do that, but college has forever ruined you on ramen noodles, so you just can't do that again.

Me? I think about that stuff often. I sure know my bank account appreciates the sentiment. Then it laughs because it hurts too much to cry.

Fortunately, we're in luck! Similar to what happened around this time last year, the WGATJ quartet has been hand-selected by Big Joe to try out a brand new product, Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People. This one actually has a significant chance to hit the market - although testing very well with us, those nitro-foam-erated salmon muffins apparently increased one's chance of spontaneous human combustion to a level that the FDA just wasn't comfortable with. Stupid regulations...

Much like the cats cookies for people, Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People is an animal-esque product clearly meant for human consumption. Don't get them confused - though Fido probably won't mind, actual dog food tastes too much like a nasty Triscuit for most people to enjoy, which Russ learned firsthand thanks to his seventh-grade science teacher. The concept itself is so straightforward yet so brilliant - it's just a sack of food pellets designed for human consumption, brimming with all sorts of nutrients and hey, some flavor, too, that makes a good, sustainable food source that's worthy of everyday eating.

Wait, you say. How can someone be happy eating the same thing every day? Doesn't that get old?
At least ramen has different colored salt packages, right? As usual, Big Joe's a step ahead. From what we've been told, there are a few varieties in the works. The one we got to sample was chicken, quinoa, apples, and Brussel sprouts, with a maple-y finish. Granted, it didn't really look like any of that, because it was just dark brown and tan crunchy pellets...but it's all there. Every bit. And to help change things up every so often, there's little "additional flavor" packets on the side to mix in - like hot sauce, bacon grease, cheddar - it's all in powdered form, but if you can overcome that, it's incredibly satiating. If that's not enough variety, there's vegan as well as seasonal varieties in the works (Thanksgiving: turkey, cranberries, sweet potatoes, gravy, pecan pie, and TUMS, for example). Just like real pet food, it comes in a 20 pound bag, so it lasts a while. Savor it in.

But...this is where it gets little weird. Might be a deal breaker for some, but trust us, it helps, we're experts. Historians have recently discovered that our primitive ancestors may have eaten on all fours before the invention of the table. They saw the animals around them doing it, so they simply copied what they saw wolves and bears doing and ate off the floor of their caves. Eating in this posture may have increased the metabolism and aided digestion. Similar to the popular "caveman diet," TJ's has latched on to this idea and thus formulated this product to be consumed like a dog or a primitive human. Nathan was kind enough to make an instructional video to demonstrate the suggested eating technique for the Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People. It's strictly educational, of course.

If you're going to dupe a man into buying fake NCAA tournament tickets, verify that he's not a Division I track star before you try to outrun him. [ more › ]

Jeff Vespa/Getty

When Alfonso Ribeiro and his wife Angela had a baby boy last October, they got a crash course on the difference between sons and daughters.

“Alfonso Lincoln is an awesome, fun little dude,” Ribeiro, who also has a 10-year-old daughter, Sienna, from a previous marriage, tells PEOPLE.

“But I’m really seeing the difference between ‘Daddy’s little girl’ and ‘Mama’s little boy.’ My son is really attached to his mama, and my daughter was really attached to me. I think that’s just the way things go.”

But there’s one thing that Ribeiro, 42, has going for him with his 5-month-old. “He knows my voice. If he hears my voice, even if it’s on TV, he starts looking around for me. He’s a lot of fun.”

Ribeiro tells PEOPLE that fatherhood inspired him to do more charity work. ”My children are fortunate not to grow up underprivileged, but millions of other kids don’t know what that’s like,” he says. “I want to help as many of them as I can.”

On Saturday night, Ribeiro served as emcee for the Back to School Blast of A Gift for Teaching, an organization that distributes school supplies to underprivileged children.

“Any time I can lend my name to a charity that benefits children, I try to do it,” he says. “It’s a good way to be an example to my own kids.”

And there may be more Ribeiros on the horizon.

“I’m not done having kids,” he says. “My wife and I have been talking about having one more. That needs to happen in the very near future. I don’t want to be 75 years old when my kid graduates from college, so I’m going to have to get on this really soon!”

He adds, “My wife wants to have a girl next, so we will go for the girl next — but you never know. We will be happy with whatever happens.”

— Steve Helling

Oh no! What happened to the Kool-Aid Man’s face?! What happened to his faaaace! Oh, that’s not the Kool-Aid Man? Oh yeah! (Spotted by Nick at Walmart.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Heard the rumor that strawberry syrups contain flavoring from a beaver's tush? The potion was once a common food flavoring. But settle down! The time of beaver-spiked ice pops and pastries has ended.

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For this week's Sandwich Monday, we try Subway's new flatbread pizza. To save time and humiliate anyone trying to order it, the chain is calling it a Flatizza.

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Between the flu, measles, staph superbugs, gonorrhea superbugs, lizard heads, and KISS-loving vandals, we have more than enough to worry about this week. We really don't need anything more, thanks. Having said that, here's one more thing to worry about: a new strain of 'super lice' has made its way to our area. [ more › ]

Well isn’t this a pretty slick move for ShopRunner!

As I posted yesterday, the cost of Amazon Prime membership is going up. To entice new customers, ShopRunner is offering a free year’s membership for Amazon Prime members who haven’t renewed at the higher rate.

To take advantage, you’ll sign up and provide ShopRunner with proof of your Prime membership within 24 hours. To do that, you’ll copy your Prime receipt and post it in an email to ShopRunner. You must be new to ShopRunner to take advantage. Click through for full details.

If you’re unfamiliar, ShopRunner offers free two-day shipping for members. It’s good at Toys R Us, Babies R Us, claire’s, shopPBS and other retailers.

Hey readers, have you used ShopRunner? What do you think of the service?

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Carrot cake candy corn? I’d like to add another C-word to show how I feel about all these flavored candy corn…craaaaaaaaap. (Spotted by Bree at Harris Teeter.)

Cheetos Flamin’ Hot AND Doritos Dinamita Chile Limon. That bag should really come with a peel off coupon for a half gallon of whole milk. (Spotted by James at Walmart.)

Isn’t the first day of summer, like, three months away? (Spotted by Sylvia at Target.)

Back in my day, we didn’t call it a “Sixer.” We called it a six-pack and it came with a plastic ring thingy that carried the cans, but harmed birds and marine life. (Spotted by Raymond at Woodman’s Market.)

If my math is correct, which it might not be because I have an English degree and a never balanced checkbook, if there are four flavor choices then there are 16 possible ways to mix them. (Spotted by Paul at Acme.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Mary Ellen Matthews/NBC

It’s a good thing Kenan Thompson is used to pulling the late shift: the funny guy is going to be a dad!

The Saturday Night Live star and his wife Christina Evangeline are expecting their first child — a daughter — in late June.

“I’m about to be a daddy. Papa Kenan! I am terrified. I don’t know what to do with babies. I plan to be at the casino when she’s giving birth, like old schoolin’ it,” Thompson, 35, joked Friday on Late Night with Seth Meyers.

Even accompanying his wife to routine prenatal checkups is enough to scare this father-to-be.

“That’s what’s freaking me out the most. A guy’s doctor visit is straightforward — just a little cough, a little touch here, a little ear, nose and throat. But women, that’s an intricate situation. You go through a lot — I applaud you,” Thompson says. “It’s weird to see somebody treat your lady like that!”

Before joining the cast of SNL, Thompson starred in Nickelodeon’s All That and Kenan & Kel.

The couple tied the knot in November 2011 in Atlanta, Ga.

– Anya Leon and Sarah Michaud

Target is the latest to butcher their models with some Photoshop "magic," a practice upheld by the beauty and fashion industry that, in turn, aids in butchering the self esteem of many women. The latest "problem area" for models is that pesky inner thigh area, which won't naturally provide an unrealistically wide enough gap without a little digital diet. [ more › ]

Cancer sucks. We still don't know exactly what causes it or how to reliably cure it. Our best chance is catching it early enough for treatment to have a fighting chance. And the best way to catch it early is to know what to look for and examine yourself regularly.

Read more...

Hollandaise sauce is an emulsion of egg yolk and liquid butter, seasoned with lemon juice, salt, white pepper and sometimes even some cayenne. It is delicately whisked together, and the slightest wrong move could turn the entire sauce into an inedible glob. You have seen this sauce on your asparagus, but it's best known for its appearance on your Eggs Benedict... which Dunkin' Donuts will now be offering as they get into the brunch game. What could possibly go wrong? [ more › ]

Sometimes, I wish my tonsils had just been removed. I could be sitting in bed, relaxed and comfortable, looking over at my two freshly removed tonsils floating happily in a small jar while my doctor tells me that the operation went fine. Who cares that I know very little about the entire tonsil removal procedure, or for that matter, the purpose or function of those tiny glands, I just want them out.

I say this because, growing up, everything I knew about this minimally invasive surgical procedure came from stories told by my friends and classmates. From what I could interpret based on recess and bus-ride gossip—overlooking the actual procedure itself—was one very important fact: There would be ice cream. Not just once, or twice as a treat, but all the time. As a little dude, that was all I needed to hear. Sign me up for ice cream nirvana.

Little has changed now that I am a fully formed adult-ish person. My knowledge of tonsil removal remains minimal at best (although a quick Google search put some unwanted images in my head) and, more importantly, my love of ice cream remains unfaltering. For this reason, when the new Magnum Infinity Chocolate & Raspberry Ice Cream Bars finally made their way into my supermarket after being exclusively available in the U.K. since 2012, even with two perfectly intact tonsils, I figured I deserved a treat.

‘Magnum Infinity’ sounds like a new Lexus model or a spaceship, everything about these fancy bars exhume class and distinction. Forget about your plebeian Poland Springs and Dasani, it’s time to grab the Perrier because there is about to be some West Egg new-money shizz going down. And, at the price of $6 for a total of three ice cream bars, you had better feel goddamn fancy.

Delivering on its promises to make you feel sophisticated while cramming in 60 percent of your daily value of saturated fat while watching Cheers on syndication in that t-shirt with the questionable stain (it’s probably just jelly, right?), Magnum Infinity Chocolate and Raspberry Ice Cream Bars deliver in all the best ways.

Each individual bar, although a bit on the smaller side, is coated in a pleasantly rich dark chocolate that is thin enough to leave the main stage for the ice cream itself, but thick enough not to crumble off leaving the rest of bar exposed. Moreover, providing an interesting texture to the dark chocolate outside are what Magnum, for some reason, has decided to call “cocoa bean bibs,” which sound as hilarious and they are delicious.

Yet, all the cocoa bean nibs in the world could not save an ice cream bar that didn’t have the actual ice cream to back it up. Luckily, the dark chocolate ice cream at the core of these Magnum Infinity bars certainly does the job. It is dense and almost fudgy, which is just how I like my chocolate ice cream, and the raspberry swirl, though not as visible as the box’s picture might lead you to assume, certainly provides a nice fruity karate kick to the entire bar.

As Target is to Walmart and Staples is to Office Max, compared to the majority of other grocery store ice cream bars, Magnum Infinity is a clear one notch above the rest. And, while I do wish that each bar was a bit larger, it certainly has the quality to justify both its packaging and slightly higher price tag. Now I just need to see about getting myself a bag of those nibs.

Phew… I made it through the entire review without making a single condom joke.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 260 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Item: Magnum Infinity Chocolate & Raspberry Ice Cream Bar
Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 3 bars/box
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice raspberry flavor and dark chocolate dip. Makes you feel sophisticated. The fact that cocoa bean nibs are a thing. Pretty much nibs in general.
Cons: Small serving size. Pricey.

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Now that there’s this I’d like Haribo to come out with a bag of only clear gummy bears. Candy Blog has a review. (Spotted by Verna at Target.)

The box says, “Decorate your own eggs.” But I believe the robin thinks, “Vandalize HER eggs.” (Spotted by Britt at CVS.)

If you keep these until October and throw out all the yellow morsels, you can bake and sell cookies for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and donate the proceeds to the breast cancer fighting charity of your choice. (Spotted by Richard at Walmart.)

OMG! They’re soooo adorable! They’re so adorable that I don’t want to crack open their heads for pieces of gum. (Spotted by Sylvia at Ralph’s.)

Wedding cake is now a flavor? Thanks, birthday cake! (Spotted by Sylvia at Vons.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

There are so many iterations of the obscure 1990s NBC television comedy program Seinfeld that exist today, it's almost as if it were still on air: there's Modern Seinfeld, there's Modern Seinfeld parody Seinfeld2000, there's new Jerry Seinfeld standup material, there's even multiple quasi-Seinfeld reunions. We can now add one more to the list: Pete Holmes's “New Material Seinfeld,” a blue felt puppet who wears a tiny Jerry Seinfeld wig and is completely indistinguishable from real life Jerry. [ more › ]