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100-count Piping Rock Caffeine 200mg Tablets $2.50 + Free Shipping

20 Jun 20:11

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza (Canada)

by The Impulsive Buy

Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza

I like Pizza Hut. It might be my favourite of the big pizza chains. Not that I even think the pizzas are that great, but I appreciate that they know exactly what they are: a purveyor of junky fast food.

They don’t have the delusions of grandeur like some other chains; there’s no “rustic” this or “artisan” that. What they will do, however, is cram cheese, hot dogs, and whatever else they can think of into a crust so oil-laden that it will leave your hands slick with grease if you handle it for even just a second or two. They’ll top the pizza with stuff like poutine or butter chicken.

They know exactly what they are, and they’re not ashamed of it. I like that.

Which is to say that replacing the tomato sauce in a pizza with sriracha is a distinctively Pizza Huttian creation. But is it actually good? The short answer: better than you’d think! The long answer: read on, my friend.

The base of the pizza is the standard Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. It is what it is; you either like it or you don’t, and personally, I like it (and I’m a little bit in awe of how they’re able to cram so much grease into the thing). It’s not something you’d want to eat every day, but when you’re in the mood for that crispy, greasy goodness, it satisfies.

Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza Closeup

It’s topped with sriracha, green peppers, banana peppers, grilled chicken strips, and, of course, mozzarella. And they’re definitely not kidding around with the sriracha: when I was driving the pizza home, it so thoroughly filled the car with that very distinctive sriracha aroma that the spice vapours actually tickled my nose a bit.

Sadly, it’s not quite as spicy as I might have hoped. It’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but on the mild-medium-hot scale, it falls squarely in the middle. It’s certainly not as spicy as any variety of sriracha that I’ve tried — and sriracha isn’t even close to the hottest hot sauce out there. Clearly, they’re using a very mild sriracha, or they’re diluting it with something.

Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza Slice

The flavour is certainly there, however — it’s got that satisfyingly sweet, slightly garlicky flavour that’s made sriracha so hot over the last couple of years (Get it? Hot?? World Pun Championships, here I come!).

The banana peppers are banana peppers. Personally I’m not a fan, and this pizza did nothing to change my mind. I don’t mind them in theory, but every time I get them on a pizza — without fail — I wind up chomping down on a rock-hard stem. I’m convinced that banana peppers are at least 50 percent borderline-inedible stems. And they’re not even that hot, so what’s the point? Banana peppers are the spicy pizza topping for people who don’t actually like spice.

The other toppings were fine. The green peppers added some crunch and a bit of flavour, which worked well with the other elements of the pizza. The chicken is, I’m pretty sure, of the processed variety rather than actual pieces of chicken. It’s a bit rubbery, but it’s okay. It’s not egregious, and there’s enough else going on here that you can’t really tell either way.

The cheese, like the crust, is standard Pizza Hut. Gooey, slightly salty, and abundant.

All in all, it’s not a bad pizza. Subbing out tomato sauce for sriracha could have been a disaster, but somehow, it works. It certainly earns its name, as that distinctive condiment is very much the dominant flavour here. I wish it were spicier, but if you like Sriracha and don’t mind pizzas of the bastardized variety, I’d give this one a shot.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on Pizza Hut Canada website.)

Item: Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza
Purchased Price: $18.00 CAN
Size: Large
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Serious sriracha flavour. The toppings (mostly) work pretty well together. Pizza Hut Pan Pizza crust continues to be a junky classic.
Cons: Not as spicy as you’d think. Banana peppers are the worst. Slightly chewy chicken. Realizing that the “hot” pun is not nearly good enough to get me to the World Pun Championships.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

11 Jun 04:46

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – Nabisco Limited Edition Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreo Cookies

by The Impulsive Buy

Nabisco Limited Edition Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Oreo Cookies

(Update: Click here to read our Nabisco Limited Edition Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreo Cookies review.)

Get your jaws ready because Limited Edition Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreo Cookies are now on shelves! Of course, if you’re an Oreo creme licker, then get your tongues ready. (Spotted by Jeff at WinCo.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

09 Jun 05:57

REVIEW: Mott’s Clamato Caesar Bacon Vodka Drink (Canada)

by The Impulsive Buy

Mott's Clamato Caesar Bacon Vodka Drink

Mott’s Clamato Caesar Bacon Vodka Drink is the worst thing I’ve ever had. Note that I didn’t say that it’s the worst alcoholic drink I’ve ever had. Or even the worst beverage I’ve ever had. It’s so much worse than that. It is the worst thing I’ve ever ingested — and as a kid I ate an entire sample-sized tube of toothpaste on a dare.

Yes, eating toothpaste straight from the tube is better than this.

I honestly don’t even know how to describe the flavour. It’s piercing and relentless. It is a dentist’s drill, screaming into your taste buds, forever changing you. Haunting you.

It starts with a base of the worst tomato juice you can imagine. I guess that’s just Clamato — however, I felt compelled to try Clamato on its own for the purposes of this review, and it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t good, certainly, but at least I could drink it without triggering my gag reflex.

The ingredient list contains both onion and garlic as well as onion powder and garlic powder. This is stuff that can be quite tasty in other contexts, but here it seems laser-honed to make this drink as astringently foul as humanly possible.

Worst of all is the face-slappingly aggressive fake bacon flavour. You don’t notice it right away, but then it comes in hard and fast, lingering on your palate long after it has worn out its welcome. If you’ve tried one of those fake bacon products that were all the rage a couple of years back (bacon salt, bacon mayo, etc.) then you basically know what to expect — only multiplied ten-fold. This is extra strength fake bacon flavour. It is in your face and out of control. It will make you wonder why you like bacon in the first place.

Mott's Clamato Caesar Bacon Vodka Drink Closeup

I will say that the other flavours here (the disgusting ones) are so powerful that you can barely even tell you’re drinking alcohol until the buzz starts setting in. I’m sure the vodka adds some additional bitterness, but it’s so thoroughly masked by everything else that you’d have a hard time placing it. So if you’re the type of person who doesn’t like the taste of alcohol, well… Nope, I can’t finish that sentence. Even if you dislike alcohol, you’ll dislike this more. Because it is the worst.

I don’t think I’ve adequately described the horrors of this drink. I don’t have the words. Each sip was seemingly worse than the last. I knew that, for the purposes of the review, I needed to take at least one big swig rather than the tentative sips that it otherwise demanded. The prospect of this terrified me. No good could come of it. Eventually, I gathered up my courage and took a big, hearty gulp; it was like an assault. I let out a primal, guttural groan. I wanted to pass out from the awfulness.

Mott’s Clamato Caesar Bacon Vodka Drink filled me with a kind of existential dread; if a mass-market product this horrible can exist, what does it all mean? What’s the point of even getting up in the morning if a big company like Mott’s can inflict something so odious on the public with such shocking ease? A product this bad is criminal. I demand public trials and jail sentences.

I will admit that I’m not a big Caesar guy, but I had a couple of other people try it as well (because misery loves company), including one person who has Caesars semi-regularly. Both agreed it was the worst. One person decried that his taste buds were forever ruined; the other took one swig, shook his head with a very declarative “No,” and dumped the rest down the sink.

The issue of how best to remove that taste from our mouths was discussed. We all agreed that a thorough toothbrushing followed by mouthwash was probably the best course of action. Even then, the taste lingered. It’s gone now, but the memory remains. I will carry it with me for as long as I live. I will never forget.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on can.)

Item: Mott’s Clamato Caesar Bacon Vodka Drink
Purchased Price: $2.80 CAN
Size: 458 ml can
Purchased at: LCBO
Rating: 0 out of 10
Pros: It is so unspeakably awful it will give you an added appreciation for everything else in your life; after all, no matter how bad things are, you could be drinking this drink.
Cons: Horrible aftertaste. Horrible duringtaste. Horrible everythingtaste. If there is a hell, this is all they serve there. If the worst pain you’ve ever experienced — emotional or physical — could be distilled into a flavour, it would taste like this.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

09 Jun 05:56

REVIEW: Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies

by The Impulsive Buy

Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies

“My Country, ’Tis of Thee!!”

Few things inspire my vocal chords to spontaneously burst into patriotic hymn, let alone one warbled in aisle 4 of the Nashville Harris Teeter. But there I was. Thinking I was just going to pick up some ground chuck to throw on the grill, maybe a few marshmallows and graham crackers and…

(Keeps walking.
Registers what she just saw.)

“Sweet Land of Liberty!”

(Double-take.
Stops.
Walks backwards.
Picks up red package.)

In what can only be described as the overdue scandal of all time, space, and alternate universes (universi?) of parallel dimensions, Chewy Chips Ahoy and Oreo-crème have finally come upfront about the not-so-backstage affair that everyone already knew (and secretly hoped) was going on. Well, if these cookies have anything to do with it, it looks like a good day for an affair!

Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies Looks like a regular Chewy Chips Ahoy, don't it?

Straight out of the package, the cookie masquerades as any other Chewy might, sporting the tux-and-tails of a squishy, brown-tinted dough with mini milk chocolate chips scattered all about. Filled with flour, corn syrup, and artificial caramel color, that dough has that special plain simplicity that, when combined with that special eau du preservatives, keeps the chew of these cookies soft, cakey, and pliant, allowing it to serve as the prime canvas for the grainy, supersweet, dairy chocolate chips. Sound like any other Chewy Chips Ahoy? You bet. But, like a good pair of cuff links or the internal processor of C-3PO, it’s the hidden details that make the difference.

Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies My Country Tis of Thee!

Behold the stratosphere of Oreo Crème!

The interior of these cookies elicits a state of fear and awe not dissimilar to the sensation of running into Judge Judy on the streets of Paris. The anxiety of the forthcoming sugar coma combined with the craving for the crumbly, semi-solid mass that is Oreo filling is overwhelming. Sure, the frosting’s spread a little thinner than a Double Stuf and maybe it’s a little creamier texture-wise, but just take another look:

Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies Pile o' Creme

Indeed, the Oreo filling is crammed in such a little cookie and operating at its peak performance, holding the familiar heightened sweetness I know so well. And when that creamy hyper-sweetness combines with chocolatey chippers and cakey dough? Such beauty. Such conflict. Such contrast. And, as Judge Judy’s taught us all, there’s a certain respect to be had for the laws of contrast.

Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies Prescription for Despondency

I’ve been dwelling on the side of despondency lately. Godzilla was a bust. My socks never get dry at the Laundromat. Many of the Jelly Belly flavors don’t taste good together. So much deep sorrow. How to hold it together?

These Oreo Crème-filled Chips Ahoy. That’s how. These cookies single-handedly amended my deep sorrow better than Hello Kitty Band-Aids on a papercut. Think of what they do to a cup of coffee, a carton of milk, that dripping bowl of ice cream, reminding me that summer is [kinda] here.

Is it freshly baked? Can the cookie be twisted and separated like an Oreo? Does it come with a side of frosting to dip your Oreo-filled cookie in more Oreo filling?? No, no, and no, but that’s not what this cookie’s meant to be. It’s meant to be a sliver of Oreo-crème inside a Chewy Chips Ahoy, and boy does it make me happy.

If you think you like Chewy cookies, you should get these. If you think you don’t like Chewy cookies, you should get these. They’re good. Not mind-blowing, but definitely good. Taste them. Upon consumption, you shall realize there’s nothing to be despondent about. There’s even something worth singing a patriotic hymn in aisle 7 about.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies
Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 9.6 oz.
Purchased at: Harris Teeter
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Soft, cakey chew. Mini milk chocolatey chippers. Hyper sweetness from frosting. Hello Kitty Band-Aids. Makes you happy. C-3PO. Running into Judge Judy on the streets of Paris.
Cons: Frosting inside is a bit thin. Cannot twist and separate cookie from frosting. Not fresh out of the oven. Doesn’t come with a dipping tray of Oreo frosting. Papercuts. Not knowing the plural form of “universe.” Socks never getting dry at the Laundromat.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

06 Jun 02:22

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Jif Peanut Butter Cereal

by The Impulsive Buy

Kellogg's Jif Peanut Butter Cereal

Choosy moms who want what’s best for their children might choose Jif, but twenty-five year olds who buy their own damn cereal haven’t had a reason to choose Kellogg’s when it comes to getting their peanut butter fix.

But what would you expect from me considering the last peanut butter flavored cereal Kellogg’s introduced was in 2007 when Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops hit shelves. Since that time Kellogg’s has given us a half dozen more versions of Special K, cereals endorsed by magical elves, and even a cereal reminding us of those days when Miley Cyrus was just a tween with a lisp on the Disney Channel. But peanut butter? They pretty much conceded that one to General Mills and Quaker.

So you might say it was about damn time for Kellogg’s to grow a pair and partner with Jif to create Jif Peanut Butter Cereal. Adorned in the familiar colors of everyone’s favorite minute West African country, Gambia, the red, green, and blue box becomes only the second name-brand peanut butter cereal on the market, joining Reese’s foray into cereal.

Kellogg's Jif Peanut Butter Cereal Battle Royale Boxes

I give Jif Peanut Butter Cereal the full review treatment by conducting a comprehensive taste test with the “Big Three” of kid’s peanut butter cereals (sorry Cheerios and mothers, this ain’t a health food review). Sporting the name of a peanut butter company is all well and good, but if the cereal can’t match up to Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs, Peanut Butter Toast Crunch, and Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch, than the name Jif doesn’t mean a thing.

When I tasted the four cereals side by side, Jif stood out from the rest—but not in peanut buttery way. (I separated the peanut butter Reese’s puffs from the chocolate ones. As an aside, they’re not nearly as good as I thought they’d be all by themselves.) In fact, it had the least amount of pure peanut butter flavor while having the most distinctive corn aftertaste. It’s a distracting aftertaste at first, completely opposite that of the richer, rounder finish of Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch or Peanut Butter Toast Crunch.

Kellogg's Jif Peanut Butter Cereal Battle Royale

Slightly sweeter than both those cereals although noticeably less salty, the Jif cereal isn’t bad, but it’s not peanut butter. Notes of kettle corn and buttered popcorn jelly bean persist, as does a slight molasses and brown sugar depth. But the crunch is almost nonexistent when compared to the Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch and Peanut Butter Toast Crunch, although the familiar monoglyceride coating native to most peanut butter cereals renders an enjoyable experience for licking messy fingers. Texturally a disappointment, it nevertheless grows on you when eaten dry. Still, it has very little peanut butter or even peanut flavor.

Kellogg's Jif Peanut Butter Cereal Wet

The story is a bit different in milk, but unsatisfyingly the same. The salty factor and the heavy corn aftertaste gets dulled, but the peanut butter flavor lacks impact. The crunch, as you might expect, only dissipates further, while the end milk doesn’t even begin to approach slurp worthy. All things considered, I could appreciate the unique (but not peanut butter) taste of the cereal dry, but in milk I found it unremarkable on every account.

There’s one final point to make. Jif Peanut Butter Cereal’s price tag compared to other peanut butter cereals gives me pause. A box weighs only a little over nine ounces, less than all the major competitors. While I realize sales and prices differ, I can reliably grab a 20-ounce box of a very peanut buttery Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch from Walmart for the same price I paid for Jif cereal on sale.

If I was really in the mood for a bowl of kettle corn that would be an acceptable tradeoff—but I like kettle corn enough to actually, you know, buy kettle corn. Not distinctive enough to join the ranks of the best peanut butter cereals and not worth of its price tag in such a small box, both choosy moms and choosy twenty-five year old sugarholics will find it easy to agree to choose other cereals over Jif.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (26 grams) – 100 calories, 15 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, .5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 gram of protein, and a number of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Jif Peanut Butter Cereal
Purchased Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 9.1 oz box
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Unique kettle corn flavor that breaks new ground in the world of cereal. Yummy when eaten dry in a salty-sweet-caramel kind of way. Learning about obscure country flags on Wikipedia. An excuse to open up three other kinds of better peanut butter cereals.
Cons: No distinctive peanut butter flavor when eaten as a snack. Heavy whole grain corn aftertaste is distracting. Least crunchy of the major peanut butter cereal. Lackluster in milk. The economic implications of the shrinking cereal box.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

06 Jun 02:22

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – General Mills Cheerios Protein Cereal

by The Impulsive Buy

General Mills Cheerios Protein Cereal

A serving of Cheerios Protein with milk has 11 grams of protein, but if your inconsiderate roommate drank all the milk and put the empty carton back in the fridge, you can still get 7 grams of protein, which should still be enough protein to build some muscle to kick some manners into your dumbass roommate. The new variety will come in two flavors, Cinnamon Almond and Oats & Honey. (Spotted by Dan at Meijer.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

06 Jun 01:57

17% Of New Yorkers Work In The Bathroom, Survey Says

by Rebecca Fishbein
17% Of New Yorkers Work In The Bathroom, Survey Says Do you do work while in the bathroom? Are you guilty of spending mornings smuggling a Macbook under your shirt, sneaking past your roommate and shooting off some emails while evacuating last night's bottle of wine down the toilet? IKEA says it's possible you do, and if you don't, you might want to think about making that rent money while...making something else. [ more › ]






29 May 02:19

GLOBAL GRUB – Magnum Ice Cream Bars with Marc De Champagne (U.K.)

by The Impulsive Buy

Magnum Ice Cream Bars with Marc De Champagne (U.K.)

Magnum Ice Cream Bars with Marc De Champagne (U.K.) Innards

Magnum Ice Cream Bars have been available in the U.S. for three years, but they’re originally from Europe and have been around for 25 years. To celebrate Magnum’s 25th birthday, the brand has released a Magnum Ice Cream Bar flavoured with Marc De Champagne and a silver shell.

What’s Marc De Champagne? The internet tells me it’s a product that’s made by distilling the grape skins, seeds, and stalks that are left from the initials stages of Champagne production. Kev’s Snack Reviews has a review and so does Foodstuff Finds. (Thanks for the photos Ryan!)

Hey international readers (or people on vacation)! Want to share interesting products that are unique to your country! If so, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with “GG” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Global Grub post.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

09 May 17:45

REVIEW: Sonic Jalapeño Chocolate Shake

by The Impulsive Buy

Sonic Jalapen?o Chocolate Shake Cup

Waaay back on April 1st, Sonic Drive-In announced their newest shake – the Kale Cream Pie Shake.

Sound horrifyingly disgusting? That’s because it was an April Fool’s joke. It was a promotional gag for their Summer of Shakes, which includes Oreo Peanut Butter, Salted Caramel, and Chocolate Covered Jalapeño.

Does that last one sound horrifyingly disgusting? That’s because it was an Apri- oh, shit. It wasn’t a joke. The Sonic Chocolate Covered Jalapeño Shake is real.

When I got my shake, I was disappointed it came in a pedestrian Styrofoam cup. The promo pictures had a clear cup that showed little pepper pieces in the shake, as well as jalapeño pieces on the whipped cream. Presumably, this is why it was initially called the Chocolate Covered Jalapeño Shake, but is now called the Jalapeño Chocolate Shake.

It looked so innocent at first. Just a chocolate shake. I dipped a spoon into the cup, expecting to come up with some little pieces, but instead I found…

Sonic Jalapen?o Chocolate Shake Jalapen?o Slice

Yeah. Whole sliced jalapeños, right in the shake. What the fuck.

Sonic Jalapen?o Chocolate Shake Glass

Wanting a better look, I unceremoniously dumped the shake into a glass, and the results gave me no encouragement.

Using a straw with my shake, as God intended, it initially tasted like a chocolate shake that was somehow…off. If I didn’t know there were peppers in it, I would have tasted it and thought, huh, they did something weird to this. There wasn’t any real spiciness to it, just an offness, like maybe the chocolate syrup had gone bad. I’ve never had the experience of tasting that, but that’s the closest I could come to a comparison.

And then I sucked in my first piece of jalapeño.

You know how sometimes you’ll get a chunky shake and accidentally suck a piece straight to the back of your throat? That’s exactly what happened to me. But, instead of a delicious piece of Oreo cookie, it was a motherfucking jalapeño.

And not just some pedestrian pickled jalapeño, either. A fresh jalapeño.

I did that thing where you use your tongue to move the piece back to the front of your mouth and started chewing it, but the damage had already been done. Jalapeño juice burned the back of my throat, causing me to choke and gag a little.

After getting over that, I chewed the jalapeño piece. My poor mouth was so confused. “I love jalapenos!” Some of my taste buds said. “I love chocolate shake!” others joined in enthusiastically. But then the two clashed, and both sides screamed.

“AAAAHHHHHHH THIS IS SO WRONG WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US!”

“WE LOVE JALAPENOS WHY IS THERE CHOCOLATE SHAKE IN HERE!”

“WE LOVE CHOCOLATE SHAKE WHY ARE THERE JALAPENOS IN HERE!”

At this point, I was chatting with a friend, who kindly informed me, “I heard you don’t get the full effect unless you muddle it first.”

I hated this idea with a passion. But I had to admit he was probably right.

So I smashed my straw down into the glass, hearing the sickening squish of peppers releasing their capsaicin like a hundred villagers being reduced to a slick yet chunky mash of viscera under the foot of a vengeful giant.

Did I mention that I hate this friend?

What was once an off-tasting chocolate shake with the occasional nasty jalapeño surprise turned into a creamy drink of unending horror. The peppers had now blended efficiently with the chocolate shake, resulting in a taste that, and I’m not over-exaggerating for effect here, made me think I might vomit.

All that pepper taste that had been released and was now free to mix with the chocolate and ice cream, and it’s hard to even describe the outcome. It wasn’t just spicy chocolate. It was jalapeño peppers a la mode with some chocolate. It was bitter and sickly sweet and spicy and sad and I honestly made that face you’d make if a hippo flung poo into your open mouth.

After a few sips, I could take no more. What the hell was I going to do with this thing? I was afraid if I tossed it down the kitchen sink, I might actually toss my cookies along with it.

So I did the only thing I could – I chucked it into the dumpster outside. I should have covered it with cow excrement to make a more pleasant smell or burned that dumpster down and buried the ashes. But that’s probably a felony, so I just threw it in there and hoped no dumpster divers had the misfortune of finding it before it went to the landfill.

I’ve eaten a lot of terrible things in my journey as a food reviewer, but there are a few that really stand out. The #1 on my list has always been Jones Bacon Flavored Soda, and I was reminded of it often as I tried to down the Sonic Jalapeño Chocolate Shake.

With both I experienced a grey, mushy feeling of wrongness deep inside my soul; a knowledge that this is an experience that will stay with me forever; nausea; and the idea that a company had taken a flavor I loved and ruined it forever. Two flavors, in this case.

I really thought I would hate the Sonic Jalapeño Chocolate Shake before I tried it, but thought it wouldn’t be as bad as I’d anticipated. I was wrong. It is so, so much worse.

(Nutrition Facts – Small size — 670 calories, 280 calories from fat, 31 grams of total fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 480 milligrams of sodium, 89 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 56 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 1% vitamin C, 26% calcium, and 5% iron..)

Item: Sonic Jalapeño Chocolate Shake
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: Small
Purchased at: Sonic
Rating: 0 out of 10
Pros: The chocolate shake only tasted “off” before I muddled it. I guess using fresh jalapeño peppers deserves a mention? The cherry on top hadn’t touched the shake, so it was okay.
Cons: Muddling the jalapeños was the worst idea in the world. Um, everything about this shake is a terrible idea. Sonic had the audacity to charge me an extra $0.60 for the jalapeños, for some reason. Burning public dumpsters is probably illegal. Fuck you for scarring my soul, Sonic.

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

05 May 23:59

We Need This Naan Burger In Our Mouths Immediately

by Nell Casey
We Need This Naan Burger In Our Mouths Immediately We generally eschew contrived food holidays (National Granola Day? Please.) but every so often there's something special that rises from something created to give foodstuffs a PR boost. Case in point, 5 Napkin Burger's entry for National Burger Month: an Indian meal-inspired Naan Burger, the winner of a worldwide search for the most "innovative" hamburger. [ more › ]






01 May 04:59

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Iced Coffee

by The Impulsive Buy

Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Iced Coffee

I remember when Cookie Monster was able to do whatever the hell he wanted. Cookies were a breakfast, cookies were a condiment, and if he wanted to sit in the greenroom scarfing down cookies like Joey Chestnut does hot dogs on the 4th of July, nobody was gonna kill his vibe. C was for cookie, and that was good enough for him.

Then after 40 years of letting him live like a free man, PBS had to get parental and alter his diet to reflect more moderate and healthy lifestyle choices. Through clenched teeth, the Cookie Monster was forced to declare that cookies were really just a “sometimes” food and that eggplant was cool too.

Now that The Man has killed his one pride and joy, I’m guessing you can find Cookie Monster spending every off the clock hour in a Dunkin’ Donuts, inhaling these Cookie Dough Iced Coffees to try to get back the feeling of his lost love.

These probably do not taste enough like cookie dough to completely fill the void, but they do taste close enough to temporarily soothe the heartbreak.

I was excited to try this new Baskin-Robbins inspired Dunkin’ Donuts product, not just because the two names fit easily into my accent that makes me drop the g’s at the end of my -ing verbs. I also was desperate to know what their interpretation of the cookie dough flavor would be. Earlier this year, the world brought us Cookie Dough Oreo cookies, and the overwhelming Internet consensus seemed to be that they tasted like coffee. So I was perplexed. Would this Cookie Dough Iced Coffee also taste like coffee? Would it taste like an Oreo?

No, but the people over at Dunkin’ have a better handle on the cookie dough flavor than the folks at Nabisco (although I would not have been disappointed had this tasted like an Oreo.) I can’t say that I would’ve immediately recognized this as cookie dough in a blind taste test. However, in my opinion the cookie dough experience is like 75 percent texture, so I don’t think I’d recognize anything as immediately having the flavor. When told that this is a Cookie Dough Iced Coffee, I have no trouble believing them.

Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Iced Coffee Top

The drink has a strong vanilla flavor, with a little bit of a chocolate aftertaste. It is very sweet, but I find that this is much more tolerable in cold coffee drinks than hot ones. You could probably ask for less syrup if you were inclined. I did not, since I also ordered it with skim milk, and already felt high maintenance enough for my local Dunkin’ Donuts that is tucked inside of a gas station.

Sadly, I do not live near a Baskin-Robbins, so I could not try the corresponding Cookie Dough Ice Cream and compare the two. I think you could probably do something great with the two together though. At one of my first jobs I learned that ice cream makes for an incredible coffee creamer, so I imagine that the combination of the coffee and the ice cream it was inspired by would be unreal. Your blood sugar would probably describe the spike it would get in the same way.

All in all, this is good, and I will probably order it again. It is not ice cream or actual cookie dough, but it is relatively close and is disguised as something acceptable to be having at 9 a.m. Stay strong, Cookie Monster, and keep drinking the iced coffees. They’ll never know the truth.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 oz with cream – 170 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Iced Coffee
Purchased Price: $2.17
Size: 16 fl oz.
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Actually tastes reminiscent of cookie dough. Baskin-Robbins Dunkin’ Donuts is fun to say five times fast. Cold and sweet and refreshing. You can feel like you’re having cookie dough ice cream while everyone else thinks you’re a responsible adult. The Cookie Monster that didn’t answer to anyone. Caffeine boosts.
Cons: Potentially obnoxious coffee shop orders. Lack of Oreo flavored iced coffee. The plight of The Cookie Monster. Blood sugar spikes. 

Copyright The Impulsive Buy 2004-2014

29 Apr 20:35

Black Seed Bagel Goes Dark Following Week Of Cronutesque Lines & Hysteria

by John Del Signore
Black Seed Bagel Goes Dark Following Week Of Cronutesque Lines & Hysteria [ more › ]
29 Apr 20:33

Groupon Coupon for One Groupon Local Massage Deal $10 Off

29 Apr 18:21

2-Piece American Standard Cadet 3 Powerwash Elongated Toilet $117 + Free Shipping

29 Apr 13:59

Krispy Kreme: Buy One Dozen Doughnuts Get One Dozen Original Glazed Doughnuts Free

29 Apr 13:58

New Yorkers Are Raising Their Babies In Bathrooms, Closets

by Lauren Evans
New Yorkers Are Raising Their Babies In Bathrooms, Closets One of the most enjoyable parts of living in New York is scorning those who leave—"Oh, you wanted a backyard? Oh, you miss the fresh air? Oh, you had a baby? Well I guess that's your decision," you scoff. "I just can't imagine living anywhere else." You both gaze across the street, where one man has just shoved another into a pile of trash. [ more › ]






27 Apr 23:52

Videos: Jerry Seinfeld Turns Up In New Louie Promos

by Ben Yakas
Videos: Jerry Seinfeld Turns Up In New <em>Louie</em> Promos Like all reasonable people who partake in enjoyable things, we are eagerly anticipating the new season of Louie, which is set to premiere on FX on May 5th. The first trailer for Season 4 showed Our Hero jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge with a bouquet of roses in his hand. But all week, FX has been quietly releasing more promos featuring actual footage from the new season, including a guest appearance from Jerry Seinfeld. If you ever wanted to see Seinfeld say "vagina dirt" or see a receptionist use a vibrator as a back massager, check out all seven of the promos below. [ more › ]






27 Apr 23:51

Teen Severs Arm While Cleaning Pasta Maker

by Christopher Robbins
Teen Severs Arm While Cleaning Pasta Maker A teenager employed at an Italian restaurant upstate severed his arm while cleaning an industrial pasta maker. According to the AP, 17-year-old Brett Bouchard was cleaning the machine at Violi's Restaurant on Thursday evening when his right arm became caught and was severed at the elbow. [ more › ]






23 Apr 19:07

Men's Fitness Magazine $5 per year

22 Apr 13:44

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 4/21/2014

by The Impulsive Buy
Dinadirections

All of these are disgusting.

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Hormel Natural Choice Sriracha Deli Chicken Breast

Hormel Natural Choice Basil, Rosemary, and Olive Oil Deli Turkey Breast

Does this mean we’re one step closer to Sriracha Spam, Hormel? (Spotted by MaryLeigh at Walmart.)

Absolute Fruit Sorbet Desserts in Natural Fruit Shells

Absolute Fruit sorbet desserts in natural fruit shells are absolutely freaky. (Spotted by Leslie at Giant Eagle.)

Harley Davidson Roadhouse Customs Sausages

Will these Harley Davidson Roadhouse Customs Sausages make me fart like a Harley Davidson motorcycle? (Spotted by Nicolas at Walmart.)

Kraft Jet-Puffed Cand Eggmallow

Sugar coated marshmallow? Hmm. Instead of Kraft Jet-Puffed Candy Eggmallows, perhaps they should be called Kraft Jet-Peeped Candy Eggmallows. (Spotted by Nick at Price Chopper.)

Thomas' Limited Edition Maple French Toast Bagels

What would one spread on Thomas’ Limited Edition Maple French Toast Bagels? (Spotted by Claire G at Weis Markets.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

22 Apr 00:46

Kraft Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Oscar Mayer Wieners

by Nell Casey
Kraft Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Oscar Mayer Wieners A labeling mishap could mean an unexpected squirt of cheese filling your mouth when biting into an Oscar Mayer Classic Wiener. Kraft Foods has issued a Class I Recall of 96,000 pounds of the company's Classic Cheese Dogs that were incorrectly labeled as regular hot dogs. A consumer alerted the company to the mistake on Friday; aside from the unexpected dose of dairy, no adverse reactions have been reported. [ more › ]






22 Apr 00:43

UPDATE: Feds Say Powdered Liquor Not Actually Legal

The Treasury Department says it erred in approving dehydrated versions of vodka and mojitos. Red tape will likely keep the high-proof powder off the market for a while.

» E-Mail This

16 Apr 20:28

'Feminist' Fireworks To Erupt In Prospect Park

by Lauren Evans
'Feminist' Fireworks To Erupt In Prospect Park Fireworks come in all sorts of scintillating varieties—there are the normal ones, the rainy ones, the crackly ones. Sometimes they form simple images like lopsided smiley faces and off-kilter hearts, massive designs drawn by the hand of some invisible but vaguely stupid child. They don't usually look like vaginas. (Don't Google "vagina fireworks," it won't get you where you think it will.) [ more › ]






14 Apr 23:03

Turn Ice Cream into Muffins with Just One Extra Ingredient

by Adam Dachis
Dinadirections

I only do patty cakes now.

Turn Ice Cream into Muffins with Just One Extra Ingredient

If you want a yummy muffin but don't want to put in the effort of measuring and combining several ingredients, just grab a pint of vanilla ice cream and some self-rising flour.

Read more...

14 Apr 01:16

KFC Fried Chicken Prom Corsage Offers Extra Crispy Romance

by Ben Yakas
KFC Fried Chicken Prom Corsage Offers Extra Crispy Romance Faced with the prospect of another year in the shadow of White Castle, with their erotic scented candles and sexy Valentine's Day reservations, KFC finally stepped up to the big leagues with the most romantic of big gestures: fried chicken prom corsages. "Looking for a corsage that will make your date’s eyes light up and her mouth water?" Kentucky floral shop Nanz & Kraft write. "This KFC drumstick corsage is the Secret Recipe to making sure this year’s dance will be one you both remember." Especially when it is exhibit A in a class action lawsuit against KFC about the marketing of fatty foods and its deleterious effects upon children. [ more › ]






14 Apr 01:11

4-Bags of Twix Minis (11.5-oz each) $7

13 Apr 01:31

Adorable Older NYers Are Encroaching Upon "Hipster Territory"

by Ben Yakas
Adorable Older NYers Are Encroaching Upon "Hipster Territory" Now that we've successfully clarified what a Millennial is, via a not-so-scientific analysis of NY Times trend stories, it's time to turn our attention toward their parents. The Grey Lady has a feature this weekend all about older New Yorkers who are starting to buy and rent properties in "youth-oriented outposts" where they can go "swimming in a sea of skinny-jeaned hipsters." Don't call them Baby Boomers—call them Epochials. [ more › ]






13 Apr 01:30

Soul-Crushing Study Claims People Who Nap Risk Early Death

by Rebecca Fishbein
Soul-Crushing Study Claims People Who Nap Risk Early Death Butter might not be killing you anymore, but it appears your cherished mid-afternoon power nap is just a precursor to your slow, inevitable, too-soon demise. Or so says a new soul-crushing study, which claims that daytime nappers are almost a third more likely to die before hitting age 65. [ more › ]






11 Apr 18:29

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 4/11/2014

by The Impulsive Buy
Dinadirections

B'Fast is the new cereal.

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

TruMoo S'more Bar

It’s weird to see a new TruMoo product that’s not a vanilla-flavored milk with food dye in a plastic jug. (Spotted by Alex at Meijer.)

Hormel Compleats Good Mornings

Shelf-stable Hormel breakfast! Mmm…shelf stable eggs. (Spotted by Jamie at Walmart.)

Chi-Chi's Triple Play Breakfast Burritos

Chi-Chi's Egg, Bacon, Hash Brown & Cheese Breakfast Burritos

Chi-Chi's Egg & Sausage Breakfast Burritos

I just learned Chi-Chi’s is a Hormel brand, soooo…frozen-stable Hormel breakfast! (Spotted by Chibi at Food Lion.)

General Milss B-Fast

The name B-Fast is too long. Let’s just do what tech companies do and take out vowels so we end up with, B-Fst. (Spotted by Sylvia at Vons.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.