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(Image: Fred Studart)

At Ask Reddit (my favorite subreddit) movienevermade asks:

If you wanted to write the beginning of a book that hooked you from the very start, what would be the first line?

There were several excellent responses, many of which inspired other redditors to begin writing immediately. Here's an opening line by WittyCommenterName:

I'm dead. Not that I want sympathy, I just don't want you to be surprised later.

Many contributors went along on horror themes. Here's one by run_dmt:

Everyone told me I couldn't kill him; I see now that all they really meant was "shouldn't".

There were science fiction ideas, such as this gem by GuaranteedWeirdo:

After eons spent watching humans, I already knew that the most exhilarating and terrifying moment of my tenure would be when one started watching back.

Kronzlar offered this glimpse from a terrifying future:

It's hard being the only person in the world that can't read thoughts.

Ruthi suggested the first line for a hard boiled noir story:

I had two shots in me; one bourbon, one lead.

You can read the entire thread here.

-via 22 Words

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales.
If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales. — Albert Einstein

Neil Gaiman, who brought us one of the best commencement speeches ever, chimes in on with a lecture explaining why using our imaginations is an obligation for all citizens.

The correlation between illiteracy and prison growth.

I was once in New York, and I listened to a talk about the building of private prisons – a huge growth industry in America. The prison industry needs to plan its future growth – how many cells are they going to need? How many prisoners are there going to be, 15 years from now? And they found they could predict it very easily, using a pretty simple algorithm, based on asking what percentage of 10 and 11-year-olds couldn’t read. And certainly couldn’t read for pleasure.

It’s not one to one: you can’t say that a literate society has no criminality. But there are very real correlations.

Literacy is more important now then ever.

Literacy is more important than ever it was, in this world of text and email, a world of written information. We need to read and write, we need global citizens who can read comfortably, comprehend what they are reading, understand nuance, and make themselves understood.

On fiction as a gateway drug.

Fiction has two uses. Firstly, it’s a gateway drug to reading. The drive to know what happens next, to want to turn the page, the need to keep going, even if it’s hard, because someone’s in trouble and you have to know how it’s all going to end … that’s a very real drive. And it forces you to learn new words, to think new thoughts, to keep going. To discover that reading per se is pleasurable. Once you learn that, you’re on the road to reading everything. And reading is key.

…

[W]ords are more important than they ever were: we navigate the world with words, and as the world slips onto the web, we need to follow, to communicate and to comprehend what we are reading. People who cannot understand each other cannot exchange ideas, cannot communicate, and translation programs only go so far.

The simplest way to make sure that we raise literate children is to teach them to read, and to show them that reading is a pleasurable activity. And that means, at its simplest, finding books that they enjoy, giving them access to those books, and letting them read them.

…

And the second thing fiction does is to build empathy. … Empathy is a tool for building people into groups, for allowing us to function as more than self-obsessed individuals.

This reminds me of Keith Oatley, who when explaining the role of fiction in our lives employed the metaphor of a flight simulator. A flight simulator allows pilots-in-training to safely and quickly learn how to deal with all sorts of problems that might happen in the air. Fiction, Oatley argues, “allows us to experience emotions in a safe place, training us to understand ourselves and others.”

How well-meaning adults can kill a love of reading.

Well-meaning adults can easily destroy a child’s love of reading: stop them reading what they enjoy, or give them worthy-but-dull books that you like, the 21st-century equivalents of Victorian “improving” literature. You’ll wind up with a generation convinced that reading is uncool and worse, unpleasant. … Another way to destroy a child’s love of reading, of course, is to make sure there are no books of any kind around.

Science fiction makes its way to China and the importance of imagination.

I was in China in 2007, at the first party-approved science fiction and fantasy convention in Chinese history. And at one point I took a top official aside and asked him Why? SF had been disapproved of for a long time. What had changed?

It’s simple, he told me. The Chinese were brilliant at making things if other people brought them the plans. But they did not innovate and they did not invent. They did not imagine. So they sent a delegation to the US, to Apple, to Microsoft, to Google, and they asked the people there who were inventing the future about themselves. And they found that all of them had read science fiction when they were boys or girls.

On the value of libraries and why anyone who sees them as nothing more than a shelf of books misses the point.

[L]ibraries are about freedom. Freedom to read, freedom of ideas, freedom of communication. They are about education (which is not a process that finishes the day we leave school or university), about entertainment, about making safe spaces, and about access to information.

On moving from an information scarce society to one overloaded.

Information has value, and the right information has enormous value. For all of human history, we have lived in a time of information scarcity, and having the needed information was always important, and always worth something: when to plant crops, where to find things, maps and histories and stories – they were always good for a meal and company. Information was a valuable thing, and those who had it or could obtain it could charge for that service.

In the last few years, we’ve moved from an information-scarce economy to one driven by an information glut.

Books are a gateway to making friends with the eminent dead.

Books are the way that we communicate with the dead. The way that we learn lessons from those who are no longer with us, that humanity has built on itself, progressed, made knowledge incremental rather than something that has to be relearned, over and over. There are tales that are older than most countries, tales that have long outlasted the cultures and the buildings in which they were first told.

Our obligation to daydream.

We all – adults and children, writers and readers – have an obligation to daydream. We have an obligation to imagine. It is easy to pretend that nobody can change anything, that we are in a world in which society is huge and the individual is less than nothing: an atom in a wall, a grain of rice in a rice field. But the truth is, individuals change their world over and over, individuals make the future, and they do it by imagining that things can be different

(Via @YLevitan)
(Photo via The Guardian)

Sponsored by #ogilvychange — Little ideas from big thinkers

Collage by Lucia Love

We all know by now that the internet is full of horrors. My battle scars from virtual filth attacks are aplenty. I’ve had the cock windmill of Meatpsin burned into my psyche and endured eyeblasts of Goatse’s gaping men-anuses. But nothing I’ve ever seen prepared me for the visual assault I was hit with this morning when Allena Gabosh, the director of a BDSM club in Seattle, dropped a couple casual photos of a blood-spewing dick into my inbox.

“Probably my favorite scene I’ve ever done was putting needles in the head of a cock with a blood blister on it,” her email said, “And when I hit it the blood kind of just spurted in an arc and it was quite fun and silly and very messy!”

Needle play, the blanket term used to describe inserting needles into your body to get off, is quickly becoming one of the most popular forms of kink in the BDSM world. Signs of its ubiquity are even poking into the media: earlier this month, The Tokyo Reporter rather gleefully detailed how Yuka Fujisawa, an aging S&M queen in Kyoto, Japan, was arrested for withdrawing blood from the genitals of her male customers without proper licensing. The 43-year-old madam apparently used needles and syringes to prick three different dicks while engaging in “sexual services” over the last four months. She also told the police that she started performing needle play at an S&M club eight years prior. According to Fujisawa, “the practice had become a service performed on a routine basis.”

Needle play has also been on the rise in America. “We’ve seen quite an increase here in Seattle. In fact, they call the whole West Coast ‘the bloody West Coast’ because so many play with blood here,” Allena said.

Todd, who writes a literary-oriented BDSM blog called The Pervert’s Library, posits that needle play’s soaring popularity has been spurned by the internet, which “has made it easier to buy needles without the stigma of being a junkie.” Daz, who runs the fetish gear emporium Edgeplay, adds that “the sharing of information on online communities, including how to meet people who know how to do it in a safe way,” has led to a spike in their sales of needle play starter kits.

Access to webstores like Edgeplay and KinkyMedical are convenient workarounds to state laws that sometimes make obtaining needles IRL pretty cumbersome. In New York, it’s technically illegal to carry needles without a prescription, so getting your hands on a batch of prickly little playthings without a doctor’s approval means having to go through needle exchange programs like ESAP (Expanded Syringe Access Program), while standing in line with crack heads. (Huge boner kill.)

Unlike a regular old flogging or ball gagging session, if you’re going to stick a bunch of needles in your dick, you better know what you’re doing. Wintersong (real name), a “kinkster shaman” who teaches needle play classes all over the country, warned that standard precautions like rubbing surface disinfectant on the skin are “hostile to the flora and fauna of the genitals. Getting them in the folds of the vulva or under the foreskin could be a pretty fabulous recipe for a yeast infection.” (Again: boner kill.)

Wintersong gave me an extremely thorough anatomical breakdown of how to do this shit right: piercing the foreskin, shaft skin, glans, and scrotum are all kosher. But stay away from the dorsal nerve. If you damage that, you could lose feeling in your dick, which is generally considered a bad thing. Steer clear from the frenum too. “Not only is (it) the most sensitive part of the male anatomy,” he explained, “There is also a significant vein that runs along the surface of the frenum that if punctured, bleeds like a motherfucker.”

Female bits are a little less complicated. The clitoral hood and inner and outer labia are all game, and while you shouldn’t pierce the clit itself, you can prick the surface of it with the tip of a needle for a sweet tingly sensation. Basically, if you follow the same precautions used by tattoists and body piercers, like wearing gloves and using sterile packaged needles, everything will be OK. Hopefully. Maybe.

So what are the benefits of sticking a bunch of needles in your junk? The answer depends on what you’re looking for. Sadists like inserting needles in “mean” ways—twisting and poking them as a form of CBT (cock and ball torture). There’s also “predicament bondage,” set up so that bottoms will experience pain no matter which way they squirm.

On Literotica’s forums, enthusiasts rave about the endorphin spikes that flood your body during needle play. “Nothing else gets a person so high so fast. People pass out easily... becoming chemically overwhelmed quickly. Weird bodily tricks, that’s what I dig about piercing,” one user wrote. The physiological effects seem akin to doing a bunch of drugs, but with the added bonus of mindfuckery that you don’t get from snorting lines with a stranger in the bathroom.

Lastly, the aesthetes out there like how pretty needle play can be. People insert needles to form intricate patterns and shapes, and many super-feminine dominatrices also like adding beads, bells, charms, and even feathers. One of the most common decorative practices is to lace the needles with ribbons, and pulling them together to elicit a delightfully bizarre sensation. It’s as if these ladies were dabbling in some demented flower arrangement workshop.

While blood-splattered dicks and needle corsets can sound pretty gnarly, those who are balls deep in the BDSM community brush off needle play as a pretty standard practice. Sir B, whose areas of expertise include “fire, electricity, and inserting sharp knives into vaginas and rectums,” quashed any of my suspicions that needle play is “edgy.” “On a scale of one to ten, I would say it’s about a three,” he scoffed. 

@MichelleLHOOQ

Check these out for more weirdness across the web:

Will 3D Hentai Kill the Human Porn Star?

Here’s What’s Happening on the Internet’s Most Racist Forums

 Horse_eBooks and Pronunciation Book Explain Their Digital Conceptual Art

Alvarez Rabo alcanza con esta obra cotas de calidad difícilmente alcanzables por sus congéneres. Se puede decir, sin el menor atisbo de duda, que su trabajo está al nivel de los más grandes creadores que ha dado la historia en estos últimos 100 años. Alvarez Rabo, se atreve a plasmar en sus historias lo que la gente no se atreve ni a pensar. ¿A qué niveles de virtuosismo hubiera llegado Jaco Pastorius si no se llega a meter tanto jaco? ¿Qué más habría fotografiado Hervé Guibert, pintado Basquiat, o diseñado el modisto Manuel Piña si no hubieran caído tan jóvenes víctimas del sida? ¿Cuántas nuevas sinfonías hubiera compuesto Franz Schubert si no llega a trabajar como maestro auxiliar para ganarse la vida? ¿Qué cómics podría hacer Alvarez Rabo si no tuviese que autoinmolarse trabando en el Corte Inglés para sacar a flote a su familia?
Estas son preguntas que quedarán sin respuesta para la historia.

A las mujeres no les gusta follar
Guión y dibujo: Alvarez Rabo
54 páginas b/n
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by Bradford Evans

Here's the latest episode of Conan O'Brien's longform interview web series, Serious Jibber-Jabber. His guest this time is living comedy legend Mel Brooks, and the two proceed to have an hour-plus, serious talk about Brooks's career. Conan's past Serious Jibber-Jabber interview subjects have included Judd Apatow, Martin Short, and a bunch of Simpsons writers.

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A wonderful animated state-by-state map of the most popular names for girls since 1960. Watch the Jennifer Takeover of 1970! Thrill to the doomed Appalachian Amanda Insurgency of the late 1970s! Cower before the great Jessica-Ashley Battles! Sigh with relief at the arrival of Emma, Isabella, and Sophia as we approach the world of today! Regret naming your child the same thing as everyone else! Bonus, also from Jezebel: How to pick a weird name for your kid

Name Five Strong Female Characters Who Don't Wear Costumes And/Or Don't Have Superpowers.

Young people in Japan are increasingly abstaining from romantic relationships and sex. The media refers to this phenomenon as sekkusu shinai shokogun, or "celibacy syndrome".

Marriage has been declining in Japan for some time, partly due to institutional discrimination in Japanese industry, with married women often being routinely passed over for promotions and mothers expected to resign their jobs and become dependent housewives. However, now it seems that a significant proportion of younger adults in Japan are abstaining from romantic relationships and sexual intimacy altogether, with surveys showing large numbers of people not being in a relationship (61% of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34) or having never dated (30% of single men under 30). Another survey found that 45% of single women aged 16-24 and over a quarter of men in the age group "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". Meanwhile, in 2011, sales of adult diapers exceeded those for babies for the first time. And young men and women are eschewing dating and pursuing their own separate lives.

"so many working-class people across the country vote against their own interests. It all comes down to culture wars: the right has always been able to use abortion and gay marriage, and in the past women's rights, but all those things are starting to erode. There really isn't much they can throw up as a smokescreen any more." " interviews, he says in his quick, metallic, slightly strangulated way, "aren't my favourite thing to do". But, he does a pretty good job with this one...

In Tasmania, October 22 is tickle a platypus day. N.B. this may be a lie.

1.

sulayman:

Trim your nails.

2.

Drewsefs:

Foreplay. It’s important.

3.

keith200085:

If you’re going to pull her hair… Pull it from close to the scalp. If you pull it from the end… Apparently it hurts. Or so I’ve been informed.

4.

Alienmonkey:

When hooking up with girls with hair extensions (sista, I’m looking at your fine sexy ass)…

DO NOT TOUCH THE HAIR.

She will straight fuck your shit up. You have been warned.

5.

AssumeTheFetal:

Have fun in there. Be vocal and lively. Most people don’t like sex with a lifeless body.

6.

famously:

The real key to the whole experience is enthusiasm. I horny 5 is way more exciting than a bored 10.

7.

Mogrix:

30 minutes of begging is not considered foreplay.

8.

nyc_resident:

Never, ever criticize somebody’s body. Everybody is different and a lot of people are, or can become, self-conscious. Even a “hmmm”, as in “that’s different”, will be picked up and perhaps obsessively thought about by people who are sensitive.

This is really one of the worst things you can do to somebody.

9.

elimie:

Compliment the lovely things. Don’t draw attention to something that isn’t, or say something that could be misconstrued. Sex is supposed to be fun, not something that causes fret and self-doubt.

10.

Kalapuya:

Don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong, show me what to do right.

11.

BarryGoldstein:

Never change lanes without signaling.

12.

FuzzySeaTurtleNads:

Don’t call your dick a weiner or pee pee.

13.

amuckle:

watch the teeth.

14.

blueocean43:

Change the condom when you change hole.

15.

bigpipes84:

If you can find it, NEVER flick the clitoris.

16.

VernBeave:

When taking out anal beads, do it slowly; definitely not like you are starting a lawn mower

17.

Maxxter:

don’t expect your partner to read your mind… if you want them to do something or change their technique or area they’re stimulating, you need to tell them. If it hurts, you need to tell them. If you’re bored/not enjoying it, tell them what they can do to make it pleasurable

18.

belabor_the_obvious:

Don’t cum on the hair.

19.

Belledonner:

Once, my ex made me laugh hysterically while I had a mouth full of cum. it made an appearance out my nose.

20.

suchsayer:

Make sure every thing is nice and clean down there. This goes for both genders.

21.

dethb0y:

Never shit on someone unless they ask you to.

22.

res-erections:

In my book the most important unwritten rule is:

If you have to pressure someone (whether you’ve been with them a long time or just met them) or cajole them into having sex they will want to do it less and less.

23.

furreal_dough:

DON’T GO ASS TO VAG! DON’T DO IT! DON’T! I’m talking fingers, mouth, peepees, dildos, toilet paper – whatevs. Just don’t do it! Go up but don’t you dare think about coming back down.

24.

BunniFruFru:

High five when you’re done

25.

cark12:

If it’s your first time, go down first, because you’re probably not going to last long.

26.

iamemanresu:

When you have to be quiet and you want background noise to disguise the sounds, don’t pick something funny. Girls don’t like it when you start laughing at a joke on Archer…

27.

[deleted]:

Post sex cuddling.

28.

[deleted]:

Good sex can pretty much be summed up in two words: Communicate and adapt.

29.

Imean_sursly:

If you’re a woman and you’re not really enjoying that certain position or the sex in general…. Just say something. It won’t ruin the moment. It will make it better. Sooo communicate is where I’m going with this.

Tl;dr good sex=communication

30.

yourface4:

Humour! If I’m with a guy and he’s too serious about it, it’s a turn off.

31.

violue:

Anal sex: “Some women like it.” =/= “ALL women like it.”

32.

occasionallyacid:

Just because s/he hasn’t said no, doesn’t mean s/he said yes.

33.

dmukya:

Put a towel down. Sleeping in the wet spot isn’t fun.

34.

NUTELLAonmySAMMY:

If your at a party, lock the door.

35.

i_mormon_stuff:

If you hear her vagina make a fart noise, you act like you didn’t hear a damn thing.

36.

suprhro:

Nothing your partner suggests is is to be called weird.

37.

Bjkimm:

You must make sure she is wet before you throw it in.

38.

baymare:

Don’t fucking spit on me. If you want to use spit, put it on your hand/dick, don’t just freaking ease down a long-ass loogie on my conch. Thank you.

39.

runnin_fool:

If one person climaxes, both shall climax. Or at least putting in effort to get both people off. Selfishness is not cool.

40.

OilyB:

Girls who like doggy, wipe your butthole well, wet tissues please.

41.

Headwallrepeat:

I’ll throw in the obligatory “Don’t stick your dick into crazy” rule.

42.

[deleted]:

Do NOT under any circumstances, EVER say “Sorry” for anything. Instant mood killer.

43.

ruddlesbest:

Don’t push her head down onto your cock too hard during oral. This will put her off doing it again. sigh …

44.

n5corp:

Treat their body as if it’s a piece of art. Before, during, and after. Make them feel beautiful with everything you do. This applies to making love and hate fucking, boys.

45.

mini-you:

Foreplay. Bare minimum, 15 minutes.

46.

policemansrage:

Should be obvious but… USE A CONDOM (and some water based lube).
Guy or girl, keep a supply on hand

47.

Offroad_fun:

When you’re doing the deed and finish but want another round, go down on her [or him, whatever you're into] until it stands back up and continue.

48.

BridgetteBane:

Some men like being called daddy. Very few women like to be called mommy.

49.

zoidberg1339:

Do not drool on your partner, accidentally or otherwise, no matter how much you’re enjoying it.

It’s just not gentlemanly.

50.

Joeguy97:

There will be… aromas. Suck it up and deal with it.

Your 20s are an age where you settle in and get comfortable with who you really are. It’s a decade of exploration, self-actualization, and growth.

Since lists about being in your 20s is the Internet’s No. 1 pastime, I’ve created a list of 101 absolutely true things every 20-something realizes while riding the boat through the best decade (…to date) of their life.

1. Confidence is not cockiness.

2. Self-reflection is a sign of maturity.

3. Waking up early is important if you want to be a functional member of society.

4. … But sleeping in on weekends is precious.

5. Although you don’t see each other nearly as much as you’d like to, friends from back in the day are still pretty important.

6. Discretion is the better part of valor… Especially in Tweets, Facebook updates, and text messages.

7. Your SAT score didn’t determine your destiny. You did.

8. Your grade in that college class didn’t matter.

9. There’s something you probably suck at.

10. Anyone who passes judgement about your choice of college or college major is being a prick.

11. Plan B is usually Plan A.

12. Opinions are like assholes: Everyone has them, but that doesn’t mean they’re good or you have to follow them.

13. Dreams are great, but there’s no need for you to become a douchebag in pursuit of them.

14. Booze is awesome.

15. …But its power deserves to be respected, if not feared.

16. Even Frank Sinatra had regrets and he did it his way. Regrets imply self-awareness.

17. Anyone who claims they’re in “the friendzone” or genuinely cares about “getting out of the friendzone” has a lot of maturing to do.

18. Judging people for personal choices like getting married, having babies, or career changes is really stupid. Live your own damn life.

19. Instagram is a lot better when you use it to take pictures of people, not things.

20. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) really isn’t important to your personal life. In fact, it only really applies to critically acclaimed mass cultural events such as can’t-miss epic TV shows that must be binge-watched in one sitting.

21. Enough sleep + hydration + food = The Ultimate Hangover Cure.

22. The music your parents listened to is kind of awesome.

23. Padding your resume is never a good idea.

24. If you don’t have to do it every day, dressing up in a nice suit and tie feels great.

25. Spending money on the things that separate you from the ground is worth the investment: Shoes, tires, bed, etc…

26. The most important things you’ll ever learn will come from people with different points of view than your own.

27. Intelligence is not a dick measuring contest.

28. “Personal Brand” is a bullshit buzzword made up by PR flacks and social media marketing professionals who stare at Facebook/Twitter all day. Just be yourself.

29. Who you were in high school? Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

30. There is ALWAYS an appropriate time to leave a social situation.

31. Compliments go a long way, as does constructive criticism.

32. … But remember, some people don’t listen to criticism.

33. … And sometimes it’s OK to not accept criticism.

34. Your favorite sports teams are inherited, not chosen.

35. Quoting lines from movies with other people is the ultimate social currency.

36. Discussions revolving around musical tastes are the most subjective thing in the world.

37. There’s nothing wrong with staying out until after 3 a.m. every now and then.

38. Careers can be stressful.

39. … And rewarding.

40. Relationships can be stressful.

41. … And ultimately the most rewarding.

42. A $1 slice of pizza only tastes good in college, doused in ranch dressing. $2.50 for a slice is normal, not a splurge.

43. If you’re on the fence, going out is usually worth it vs. staying in.

44. … But there’s nothing wrong with staying in.

45. It’s very easy to avoid shallow people.

46. Very few people are actually “influencers.”

47. The end of college is not the end of the world, nor the end of fun.

48. Vote in local elections. A wise man once said “Politics is the art of controlling your environment.” In America, your vote at the community level for a school board member/county commissioner/sheriff/mayor matters. Otherwise, don’t complain.

49. The music you listened to in high school was actually pretty awesome.

50. Channeling anger into physical exercise or creativity is the most productive and proactive way to blow off steam.

51. Connecting with old friends, teachers, and acquaintances over social media pays off.

52. There are many ways to #YOLO without calling it #YOLO.

53. Jealousy is a weak, fleeting emotion. If you’re not transforming jealousy into empowerment almost instantaneously, you’re just being petty.

54. Not dancing is pretty lame, no matter how bad your moves are.

55. Have a mentor and be a mentor, because teaching someone something feels great.

56. Caring about college too much after graduating makes you look like a Peter Pan. Time to grow up.

57. The ability to negotiate is a valuable skill.

58. Paying for Netflix > BitTorrent

59. “Too old for this shit” is an excuse.

60. Weddings will drain your bank account and eat up your weekends, but when you’re there reconnecting with old friends, they’re worth every penny.

61. Disgusting bathrooms are the ultimate mood-killer.

62. Never pass up an open bar, but don’t underestimate its potency.

63. No one is the voice of a generation.

64. No matter how flashy and new your device is, you’ll never get the full experience from a glowing LED screen.

65. Grad school is not an excuse to delay the inevitable.

66. You feel a lot better about yourself if you eat at least one green food a day.

67. Older generations will always pass judgement about younger generations.

68. Stop talking about traveling and just fucking do it already.

69. A walk is the best way to cool off.

70. Alone time should be cherished.

71. Money says nothing about your character.

72. Collecting experiences is more valuable than collecting things.

73. There’s no point in putting your time and energy into activities you get no enjoyment out of, especially in your free time.

74. Everybody gets laid. Although vaguely interesting, your hook-up stories are not that special.

75. Listen.

76. Empathize.

77. The things you enjoy are not your lifestyle.

78. Gossip is stupid.

79. Talk to strangers on public transportation (planes, trains, buses, etc).

80. Genuinely thanking people is pretty important.

81. Confusion is usually the result of not asking enough questions.

82. Apathy is a disease that’s best cured by giving a shit about something.

83. Vacation days are a luxury meant to be used.

84. If you’ve ever experienced what it’s like to not have health insurance, having health insurance is great.

85. Nothing in the media is worth getting angry over.

86. There is other content on the Internet worth sharing on Facebook than lists with GIFs. (Except for this one.)

87. Sometimes a hotel room with a clean bed and a hot shower is a lot more comfortable than pitching a tent in a muddy field.

88. The financial responsibilities that come with being a functioning, independent adult must be taken seriously.

89. Surfing eBay after a night at the bar is a horrible idea.

90. Routine isn’t a bad thing.

91. All-you-can-eat sushi sucks.

92. Nothing tastes better than a beer bought by a friend.

93. Nothing feels better than buying drinks for a friend.

94. Flaking on commitments makes you a flake.

95. The best results always come from being straightforward.

96. There are varying degrees to how one reacts to a mistake.

97. What you are isn’t who you are.

98. Your generation is not special.

99. There’s never an excuse to be bored.

100. A little humility goes a long way.

101. Do your best. Everyone else is winging it too. That’s okay.

THIS POST ORIGINALLY APPEARED AT BROBIBLE.

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Aren’t you a lucky girl? You finally found a man worth keeping around. He’s in good shape, confident, funny, smart, and knows what he is doing with his life. He has some flaws, but overall, you couldn’t really ask for much more in a man. He’s on his way to the top of his chosen field, is a great lover, witty, social, and fun to be around. He’s an alpha male and has earned the right to be declared a man.

That’s when you begin to worry, because maybe he is too good. You know bitches notice the caliber of man you’re with and will begin to scheme on snagging him from you. Your man is highly aware of this, but is loyal to you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice that some of these women have bigger boobs or a nicer, firmer ass or are just plain hotter than you. He’s a man with options and like any resourceful male, is always assessing the field. He’s with you because he feels you’re the best fit for him. But if you slack and get too comfortable, the chances are really high that he’ll send you packing and will be inside another woman within a couple of hours.

In an effort to help you learn from the mistakes that many women have made, the following is a list of four ways that can help you keep your Alpha Male happy and satisfied, because if you don’t, he’ll find some other woman who will.

1. Never Get Fat

You don’t have a right to be a fat slob when you’re in a relationship with an Alpha Male. That bullshit may fly when you’re dating a beta bitch who doesn’t know what he wants out of life and is too weak to tell you that you’ve gained a few pounds. But your Alpha Male will take that as a sign of disrespect and will make it clear he’s displeased with your weight gain. Your Alpha Male sees you as a trophy, he wants to be able to proudly show you off to his friends, family, and the general public. He wants to be able to say, “This is mine,” and smack your ass proudly. What does it say about him as a man if his woman is a behemoth?

Some of you more stupid types are thinking, “He wants me to be skinny and anorexic? That’s so gross, ugly, and unhealthy.” But a stick figure physique is also not desired. Ideally, men want a woman who has a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio. Meaning, that the waist is 0.7 times that of the hips. Typically weighing somewhere between, 90 to 130 pounds, depending on how tall you are. Combine a low body weight, a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio, ample breasts, and it creates the hourglass figure that is the core of many a man’s lust. The closer you come that, the more likely you are to make your Alpha Male happy and content with you. Needless to say, having the body of a potato sack won’t do and will have him looking for action elsewhere.

Your Alpha Male takes your physical looks seriously and so should you. Abandon this modern feminist connotation that once you snag a man and he falls in love with you, he needs to accept you as you are and you’re free to get sloppy and lazy. He is working his ass off to be the best man he can be, you need to woman the fuck up and take care of your physique.

2. Support Him in His Endeavors

Or his dreams of becoming a brutal, cocaine-dealing gangster.

One of the reasons you consider him a great catch is because his ambitions and accomplishments made your girlie parts tingle. He is not only talk, but walk, since he has taken active, measurable steps to achieve his dreams. Maybe he isn’t a full-fledged success yet, but he is on his way. Whether he is working on becoming a writer, doctor, entrepreneur, or any other spectrum of career fields, it’s your duty to support him to the best of your ability.

Our current culture glamorizes the results of hard work and not the hard work itself. Disney and chick-lit loves to paint a portrait of prince charming and highly-accomplished men coming to the rescue of the poor, defenseless female. Yet, they focus very little on the trials and tribulations the man had to go through in order to get to that position in life. It was a long, harsh, unforgiving road for these men to get where they are.

Withhold criticism that isn’t constructive. He hears enough negativity from the rest of the world, telling him to get a normal, safe career, and not rock the boat too much. He doesn’t need to hear it from the person he is deeply intimate with. What he does need from you to be is a person he can use to brainstorm ideas with and to give him honest feedback. Not everything he comes up with will be gold, but you must understand that is part of the creative process. Take an active role in his interests. It may seem boring to you, but if you’re his biggest supporter, then he will be grateful to you and it will highly increase the chances that he won’t kick you to the curb once he achieves the next level of success.

3. Become His Sexual Fantasy

Odds are good that if your man is Alpha as fuck, that he is the dominant type in the sack. He’s the type who loves to pin you down, pull your hair, and smack your ass red. He’s the type who takes great pleasure in making you feel like a woman, as long as you make him feel like a man.

You must be willing to go deep into the rabbit hole that are his sexual fantasies and be willing to make them happen for him. Leave all your reservations about what is sexually acceptable behind. You must learn that it is your responsibility to please him. You must do this with a high level of enthusiasm.

First the basics: Sucking dick is not only required, but the eagerness to do so without complaint is mandatory. Don’t ever make your alpha male feel like you’re doing him a favor by sucking his dick. It should a delicious treat for you and just the very thought of doing so should produce a flood in your panties. It should get to the point where you’re more eager to suck dick than he is to have it sucked.

Experimentation with furries may occur.

Now a little bit of more complex stuff: As a male’s success increases, so does the quantity and quality of women who are attracted and available to him. If you met him early in his career, you probably didn’t have much competition. Now that he is getting pussy thrown at him left and right, what is to prevent him from dumping you so he can enjoy all those women who are hotter than you? If you think if honor and fidelity will keep him in line, then you grossly underestimate the power an unexplored piece of fine ass has over a man.

Why not instead of fighting them, you join them? Suggest making his fantasies come true and do a threesome with these women. Make it an intimate activity that you both can enjoy. Keep an eye out for a woman he’ll find attractive, help him arrange a date with them by speaking to them yourself and suggesting the three of you hook-up. It need not be a normal thing, but rather a treat he gets every now and then. This rare quality will make you indispensable to your man since it’s something so few women are willing to do. He will feel lucky he has a partner who is willing to let him indulge in his primal urge to be with as many women as possible. Don’t expect it to be reciprocated with him, you, and another man.

There are other, more deviant types of fetishes that your man may be into that are too complex to discuss here. Listen to them and keep an open mind. Who knows, it may be something you’ll be more than eager to try.

4. Make Him a Sandwich

As cliché as the title sounds, being able to cook and maintain a home are the motherly qualities the Alpha Male looks for when choosing a mate. When he is ready to settle down, he wants to know that his woman will be the type who will take care of his children and his needs after a tough day at work. He doesn’t want to come to home to a dirty house nor does he want to want to come home to an empty dinner table.

You must master the art of keeping a home and creating a comfortable environment for him. You don’t have to be a world-class chef, but being able to cook some hearty chow that is both satisfying to the heart and stomach is greatly desired. Keeping the overall beauty of the household and keeping things tranquil are essential to your man’s psychological peace.

A man intrinsically wants his partner to be a woman they can respect and love, someone who reminds them of the goodness their mother bestowed upon then. In order to keep him satisfied, you must be willing to provide all of this for him. You must be willing to be a place of security for him, for as his lover, you will be given an extreme amount of trust and will know sides of him none of his friends or peers will ever see.

If you can pull this off, you’re marriage material.

Before you get on your feminist high horse, no where was it implied that you need to give up your dreams and ambitions in order to support your Alpha Male. In fact, he’ll probably be your biggest supporter and will help push you to success. Nowhere is it suggested that you two aren’t equals, but rather, two complementary beings that bring different things to the relationship. You bring the femininity he strongly desires in his mate. He brings you the masculinity your body naturally ovulates over. If you don’t think you can provide most of the things listed above, then you should take a long, hard look in the mirror, because how can you say you deserve the high-value man he worked hard to become, if you’re not willing to work as hard at be a high-value woman yourself?

No galego que usamos acotío, incluso nos rexistros máis formais, como pode ser a escasa prensa ou os discursos políticos e universitarios, cóanse centos de formas incorrectas que se van asentando no oído grazas á confirmación permanente que, paradoxalmente, nos chega do castelán, especialmente o da prensa, os libros e a política.

Hai formas castelás que podemos considerar irregulares que teñen a virtude de converter en “malsoantes” os termos propios, máis coherentes e lóxicos. Eis o caso de deterioro. Esta palabra forma parte dunha serie de neoloxismos que no castelán se impuxeron de xeito incoherente a partir de determinados verbos.

É dicir, deterioro procede do verbo deteriorar. Para expresar –tamén en castelán– un substantivo que exprese a acción dun verbo, usamos derivados rematados en -ción ou -mento (miento en castelán). Así temos (en castelán) desterronamiento, compilación… tamén na súa forma irregular: lección (acción de ler), recepción (acción de recibir)…

Mais nalgúns casos, o castelán optou por descartar na lingua viva as formas coherentes, que aínda así se manteñen no dicionario. Por exemplo, suministro venceu a tamén correcta suministración. E deterioro impúxose a deterioración.

No galego debemos descartar estas formas e aplicar a lóxica que vimos antes. Cando nos refiramos a un substantivo que expresa a acción dun verbo, polo xeral debemos engadir -ción ou -mento. No caso do verbo deteriorar: pór algunha cousa en mal estado ou empeorar algunha situación, a RAG recomenda unicamente deterioración. Outros dicionarios tamén inclúen deterioramento, forma viva no portugués e –do meu punto de vista– máis eufónica.

No caso de subministrar, empregaremos subministración, unicamente. Noutros casos escóllese a forma rematada en -mento unicamente, caso de financiamento. Financiación é considerado castelanismo. En realidade, a palabra histórica do castelán tamén era financiamiento. Financiación é un neoloxismo incoherente co resto de linguas romances. En italiano dise finanziamento; en francés financement; en catalán finançament.

Ichiban Radio!

(Thanks to Chris T for the jingle!)

En México Setembro é o mes "patriotico", porque o 16 celébrase o grito. E ademáis é o mes no que topas en todos lugares e restaurantes carteles nos que anuncia que teñen: chiles en nogada. Os chiles en nogada son tan patrioticos que teñen as cores da banderia mexicana: branco, vermello e verde.

Eu nun principio, tiña certos recelos porque coidaba que a salsa que levaban os chiles eran de nata ou de requeixo, e non me gusta moito a nata.



Pero estaba equivocado, porque esa salsa branca non é nata ou queixo (bueno, na realidade é principalmente nata e queixo): é a nogada.

E teño que dicir que me gustou bastante máis do que pensaba, e a salsa non ten un sabor lacteo, se non que o que ten é un sabor moi intenso da noz (cos toques da canela).

A outra ocasión que tiven de tomar os chiles en nogada foi no restaurante Azul y Oro, que está na Universidade Autónoma de México (que está un pouco a desmán do centro de México, pero que merece bastante a pena visitar tanto por interés arquitectónico, coma porque é un pulmón verde moi tranquilo que permite relaxar un pouco do estress e a vida apurada do DF). Por certo, chámase Azul y Oro porque esas son as cores da UNAM.

No restaurante Azul y Oro seguramente foi onde probei o mellor chile en nogada, ainda que tamén era ben caro. Neste caso poiden ver un pouco máis en detalle coma é o plato, porque non mo trouxeron xa preparado se non que o prepararon na mesa.

A base do plato é un chile poblano asado. O chile poblano é un chile grande e pouco picante. Antes de que topedes paralelismo cos pementos que temos en España, non é exactamente coma os nosos, ten unha forma moi picuda. Para os chiles en nogada, faise ó forno, e unha vez frío, engadeselle o recheo.


Outra parte importante do plato (e é a que o fai patríotico) é tanto a nogada coma a granada e o prixel.

Sobre a nogada, pode ser tanto dulce coma salgada. A diferencia non é tan importante nos ingredientes, só se leva máis azucre ou menos. O curioso é que claro cambia moito o sabor do plato resultante. Orixinalmente seica o plato facíase con nogada dulce. Pero co paso do tempo (200 anos), a xente foi preferindo máis a nogada salgada, e hoxendía xa é dificil tomala dulce.

Neste caso, no Azul y Oro permiten tomar metade e metade: a parte de adiante do chile tiña nogada salgada, e a parte de atrás tiña dulce.

A min personalmente gustoume máis a salgada, pero teño que admitir que a dulce hai que probala, non é mala combinación.

Ah, este plato é tan sofisticado que non todo queda na salsa e o engadido. O recheo tamén é complicado do demo de facer. Non hai unha escola pura no recheo, coido que cada casa e cada sitio ten a súa versión, pero en xeral é un guiso de carne (de porco ou de res, ou das dúas, ou incluso de pescado, ou incluso sen carne) con frutas, e varias especias.

O resultado e maiormente doce e salgado, con moito sabor frutal unha combinación ben curiosa. E para aqueles que teñan curiosidade é un dos poucos platos moi populares en México que non é especialmente picante e que non está ben visto engadirlle salsa picante tampouco. (Ainda que hai versións que teñen un recheo un pouco máis picante). Tomanse fríos, e en xeral só se toma un. Ainda que non sexan extremadamente grandes, pero igualmente, son moi enexéticos.

Nota: Este é un plato patriótico polo tema do verde, branco e vermello, pero por outro lado non deixa de ser un dos pratos menos mexicanos que un poda pensar, porque utiliza moitos ingredientes traidos de outras terras coma a granada e a noz. Segunda conta a historia este prato a inventaron unhas monxas en Puebla, non é realmente un prato de orixe popular, e de feito non deixa de ter un aire así coma medio español (salvando as súas peculiaridades). Pero non importa nada, é un plato típico e é un plato mexicano. Os mexicanos o adoran e por tanto e seu, e todo seu.

Vou a adxuntar un enlace a unha versión da receta para que vos podades facer unha idea da complexidade do plato:

Receta para preparar chiles en nogada
Botemos unha ollada a receita: 25 ingredientes para o picadillo, 5 ingredientes para o capeado, 4 ingredientes para a nogada, e dous ingredientes máis (granada e prixel) para a presentación.

Se non é unha receita complexa xa me diredes. En xeral polo que me contaron os mexicanos que coñecín, é un plato tradicional para facer as familias, xa que coma o 16 de setembro é festivo é unha das ocasións do ano nas que as familias mexicanas xuntan e fan unha grande comida comunal. E nunca faltan os chiles en nogada nesa festa. Cada casa ten a súa variación de recetas. Na maioría dos casos tomase un só (ainda que non son moi grandes), pero os golosos da familia poden tomar dous ou tres. E en xeral tardanse 2 días normalmente en telos preparados.

Pancho Lapeña ofreceu outra das charlas que compoñen o Foro de Edición e Deseño que organiza a Asociación Galega de Deseñadores este venres e sábado en Compostela. Critica que "o deseño en Galicia sempre olla cara a fóra, e os intentos de ollar cara si  non pasan dun verniz folclorico mediocre"