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28 Mar 01:44

Schlock & Awe: EATING RAOUL

by Kyle Anderson

Murder and cannibalism sure are funny, aren’t they? No, really, they are. That’s why everybody thinks Hannibal is so funny. They don’t? Oh, well, maybe if that show had been written and directed by Paul Bartel, with himself playing Hannibal Lecter, that’s what people would think. Bartel, who’d already directed the action-satire Death Race 2000 and its even sillier follow-up Cannonball! finally went full-on, nobody’s safe cynical with his 1982 cult classic Eating Raoul. In fact, it’s almost the very definition of “cult,” a satire so dark that no one is left unoffended. If you’ve read anything about the movie, it would seem like a comedic horror film, but the horror is much more societal than it is visceral, with damning implications for everyone involved in the “Me Generation,” and an ending that deals with grotesquery in a banal and weirdly pleasant way. This is a film with a definite, and deafening, point of view.

Made for almost no budget, Eating Raoul was Bartel’s follow-up to the two earlier Roger Corman-produced action pastiches. Corman’s big complaint with both is that they were too silly, wanting them to be straight-up brutal action, for which Bartel was not the proper auteur. With Death Race and Cannonball!, Bartel lethally skewered the American bourgeois and their demented love of violence as entertainment under the guise of adventure cinema. With Raoul, being independently produced, Bartel didn’t need to sugar-coat his views, even the miniscule amount he did before. His aim was to attack the last bastions of the sexual revolution and the “swingers” he openly mocked with a literal wallop on the head with a frying pan.

Raoul 7

The story follows married couple Paul and Mary Bland (played by Bartel himself and cult movie staple Mary Woronov), two hapless dreamers working fairly dead-end jobs to try to save enough money to buy a house in the country and turn it into a restaurant. At seemingly every turn, though, the wealthy and upper-middle class perverts in Los Angeles find ways to get the couple down. They’re certainly not swingers; they sleep in separate beds and air-kiss each other goodnight. Their neighbors in their building have a near-constant sex party and, quite often, one or more drunken middle-aged creep will wander into the Blands’ home and try to essentially rape Mary. On one such evening, Paul catches a slimeball in the act and hits him in the head with a frying pan. Finding $600 in the man’s wallet, they decide to keep it and dispose of the body. This leads them to open a fantasy sex service in which Mary would pretend to be a dominatrix and when rich pervs show up, Paul will kill them with the frying pan.

Raoul 5

This works out for a little while until professional thief and con artist Raoul Mendoza (Robert Beltran) happens upon their scheme. Instead of extorting money from them, he offers to take the bodies off their hands and split the money he gets from their disposal. This sounds fine to the Blands and so they begin a profitable murder trade. (What Raoul does with the bodies is one of the film’s most darkly humorous moments.) While this murder-and-robbery machine is working, Mary develops a crush on Raoul and he decides he wants to get rid of Paul to have her all for himself. What will all of this mean for the restaurant, though? What of Paul’s precious wine collection?! Will it also suffer?!?!

Raoul 2

The murders in the film, almost all done with the thunk of a frying pan, are played for laughs. These people are all shown to be sick deviants and nobody in the movie feels bad for their passing, least of all the “good” people performing the deed. Bartel makes the point that it’s the perverts who have all the money when hard-working decent people get none of the breaks. Neither of the Blands are depicted as particularly psychopathic; they don’t enjoy having to kill people, but they also don’t revile it. Murder, for them, is just a thing they have to do to get what they feel they deserve and they vehemently look down on those they dispatch. Truly, no one ever misses them. Their only true friend is a single mother, Doris (Susan Saiger), who is a dominatrix to pay the bills. She and the Blands see eye to eye in their disdain for and exploitation of swingers and their reprehensible, yet somehow profitable, lifestyle.

Raoul 4

Bartel is the perfect person to play the nearly-asexual and forever uptight Paul Bland. He’s the schlubby everyman who believes himself to be morally superior to all those around him. No wonder he wrote the part for himself. Woronov is partially terrifying and partially alluring. She’s also quite good in the film playing the kind of “oh well, whatever” attitude that a totally disaffected, unfulfilled, but not really complaining wife would have. She looks a bit like if an Easter Island statue decided to be a runway model. Beltran’s Raoul is the handsome rogue with a dark streak a mile wide, something which the actor clearly relishes. He has the somewhat thankless role of being “the plot” and the de-facto antagonist. Still, he’s quite good. The film is also full of delightful cameos from the likes of Buck Henry, Ed Begley Jr., and Edie McClurg as various high-rollers with strange fetishes, and at one point you can even see director John Landis walking around in the background of a scene in a bank.

Raoul 6

Despite its very modest budget, Eating Raoul delivers on what it sets out to do: lampoon wealthy, middle-aged pleasure seekers and haughty, lower-class wannabes. It’s a harsh microscope look at L.A. in the early ’80s, when it was still harboring the ’70s mentality but before the “Greed is Good” mantra kicked in. If you understand and accept the screwball tone, it’s striking; the film is a very interesting, and funny, look at the scuzzier side of life. While not a masterpiece in anything but ideas, its place as a cult favorite is well deserved.

28 Mar 01:42

Lucky there's a Family Guy... who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

by Pizzarina Sbarro
28 Mar 00:40

Anatomia di un facciale

by noreply@blogger.com (porcoconleali)
28 Mar 00:40

My Cherry Crush, una pornstar atípica

by Pinjed
My Cherry Crush, una pornstar atípica

Hace poco alguien nos dejaba caer una petición: hablad de My Cherry Crush. La investigación dio sus frutos muy rápido: se trata de una jovencita de 23 años que ha tratado de emborronar las fronteras entre los conceptos de modelo erótica, webcamer profesional y actriz porno con bastante éxito y un estilo muy personal. Solo hace porno para su propia web, no se relaciona con la industria y sus pelucas de colores y su look, que recuerda un poco al cosplay de anime, forman parte esencial un porno colorido, luminoso y fresco.

  
28 Mar 00:18

Korea, Kimchi y de donde sacaron el picante

by Xose Manoel Ramos
De todas las cocinas asiaticas, la más dificil de disfrutar en España es la koreana. Me ha hecho mucha ilusión descubrir que en Madrid hay 2 restaurantes de cocina koreana:

En términos de restaurantes Arisu es más fino y su comida está más occidentalizada, quizá para probarla sea la mejor opción. El Gayagum es más casero, más de andar por casa y por tanto, más auténtico (con sus virtudes y defectos), habiendo probado de todo la cuenta fueron unos de 15 20 euros por persona.

Una cosa que caracteriza mucho a la comida koreana es el picante. No es que en Asia no haya cocinas picantes, pero justo en las zona donde se ubica korea no lo son tanto. Y cuando digo picante, me refiero a que utilizan pimientos (chiles). Que son de origen americano. 

¿Cuando y como llegaron los chiles a Korea? 

He buscado por Internet unos cuantos enlaces con información sobre ello (casi toda en inglés). 

My wife’s reaction was similar, when I revealed to her that there were no jalapeños or chili peppers in Korea five centuries ago, and that there was indeed a time when Korean food was not spicy. I’ve had some difficulty uncovering more than a few sentences on the internet on this subject, although I strongly suspect that there is plenty of information available in the Korean language, but it seems that these spices were first introduced to Korea during the Japanese invasions of Toyotomi Hideyoshi, which began in 1592, and completely destroyed the entire country. In those days Japan was using western harquebuses and crucifying its own native-born Christians, and it seems as though some of them got their hands on Mexican peppers.

But the use of fresh and dried chili in Korean cuisine occurred more recently, circa 1590. Since most Korean terrain is mountainous and not ideal for agriculture, early Koreans relied on salt-preserved foods to sustain themselves during the long winter months. Korean food diversified during their Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910) with the addition of fresh and dried chilies. Food from that time forward was prepared and preserved with red pepper. 

In 1549, the Portuguese reached Japan, but again it's unclear if they introduced the chili pepper there because the Japanese had already ventured to Mexico in Spanish-designed ships. In 1564, the chili pepper reached the Philippines and then moved on to Melanesia and Micronesia along a Spanish-developed trade route.

Una de las razones por las que es interesante saber cuando y cómo llego el pimiento (chile) a Korea es que es geográficamente el punto más alejado de México o Sudamérica (de donde provienen los chiles). 

Es interesante ver que el chile llegó tan lejos en 1590 (unos 100 años despues del descubrimiento de América). Debe ser una de los cultivos que más rápido se ha extendido en el mundo (sobre todo teniendo en cuenta los medios de trasporte del siglo XVI). Y teniendo en cuenta que los pimientos picantes son un producto que "no debería gustar mucho a la gente" (lo cual prueba que en cierta manera, los Españoles que no les gusta el picante y no conciben que haya países en el mundo que coman picante, tal vez tengan que plantearse que hay mucha gente que prefiere justo lo opuesto). 



28 Mar 00:16

Los cubiertos de mesa. ¿Que sabemos de su origen?

by Gaby Tejeda

Tratemos de indagar un poco en la historia de nuestros cubiertos, seguramente es muy interesante saber que fue primero: ¿La cuchara? ¿El cuchillo?. Vamos a ver lo que investigamos (Sin pretender tener un tratado) para conocer un poco estos utensilios tan utilizados hoy día.

Cuchara


El término cuchara proviene del latín “cochleare”, y es también uno de los instrumentos más antiguos de los que se ha valido la humanidad tanto para comer, como para servir, aunque en un principio contase con formas muy dispares. Algunos expertos opinan, que desde el Paleolítico los hombres ya utilizaban diferentes tipos de utensilios para poder tomar los alimentos (sobre todo pastosos o líquidos). Unas veces con forma de pala y otras con un poco más de concavidad.

Cucharas
Parece ser que a partir del siglo III a.C., el uso de la cuchara comienza a imponerse en el ámbito doméstico de las clases altas de las ciudades helenísticas. Las clases más altas del Imperio romano dispusieron ya de complejas vajillas con múltiples tipos de cucharas, destinadas a alimentos muy específicos. Los romanos usaban cuchara, aun cuando no tenía la forma moderna. Se trataba de pequeñas espátulas de madera o marfil (“cocheare”).

Los manuales de buenas costumbres del siglo XIII aconsejaban servirse de la cuchara para tomar los líquidos y no beberlos directamente de la sopera o la escudilla, costumbre que paulatinamente fue desterrándose de las mesas de la alta nobleza cortesana, y extendiéndose a otras clases sociales. Los primeros diseños de la cuchara por lo general tallados en hueso y en piedra o modelados en barro y posteriormente cocidos. Luego el principal material utilizado en su fabricación fue la madera.

Eran similares a los que utilizamos en la actualidad: una pala cóncava y un mango. Se hicieron cucharas para los nobles, ricos y realeza, fundidas en oro y plata, e incluso, decoradas con gemas preciosas. En las mesas de los poderosos del siglo XIII solían ser de oro, plata, cristal o coral. Hoy son de hierro o acero recubiertos con estaño, y para la gente de dinero, son de plata.

El cuchillo


Es uno de los primeros utensilios utilizados por el hombre. Hasta bien entrado el siglo XIX, llevar un cuchillo de bolsillo o navaja era de gran utilidad como herramienta práctica no solo para cortar pan, embutidos o frutas, sino para abrir correspondencia o afilar un lápiz. Como elemento de corte, es reconocido desde el principio de los tiempos. Desde aquellos primeros trozos de obsidiana, sílex o piedra.
Cuchillo de mesa

Hablar de cuchillos, es un tema que da para muchas páginas, porque, porque desde el principio de los tiempos, el ser humano se ha visto en la necesidad de realizar cortes, así que este objeto existe en su versión más antigua, como una simple roca o hueso filoso, hasta llegar a los de hoy día, generalmente de acero inoxidable y templado, con la calidad, algunos, de la más fina espada samurai, o realizados de otros materiales como cerámica, la cual no requiere ser afilada, aunque suele ser muy frágil a los golpes y se quiebra con facilidad.El cuchillo se ha utilizado como arma o como herramienta.

Tenedor

El tenedor es la aparición mucho más tardía. Llegó a Europa procedente de Constantinopla a principios del siglo XI de la mano de Teodora, hija del emperador de Bizancio Constantino Ducas, quien lo llevó a Venecia al contraer matrimonio con el hijo del Dux. La Princesa, trató de imponer en la corte este nuevo utensilio, conocido como “fourchette”, que viene a significar “pincho”, pero fue tachada por esta y otras refinadas maneras orientales, como escandalosa y reprobable.

En Francia se intentó introducirlo varias veces, sin éxito. En la Edad Media Catalina de Bulgaria quiso hacerlo popular en la corte pero los franceses la consideraron cursi y licenciosa. Más tarde fue Carlos V de Francia, pero esta vez el fracaso tuvo otros motivos: el rey y sus inseparables amigos tenían fama de homosexuales y el tenedor volvió a perder la batalla al ser considerado como un objeto caprichoso propio de personas un tanto equívocas.
Tenedor
La realidad es que el rechazo que tuvo el tenedor durante siglos obedecía más a una falta de habilidad de los comensales que a una posible falta de utilidad. Parece ser que estos más bien lo utilizaban a modo de mondadientes, para rascar y hurgar.
En Europa se generalizó su uso a partir de finales del siglo XVIII o principios del XIX, dependiendo de los países, extendiéndose después al resto del mundo, en muchos de cuyos lugares se utilizan utensilios similares.

Esto es brevemente, lo que sabemos de los cubiertos, y aún hoy día, en muchos lugares se niegan a utilizarlos, sin ir más lejos, culturas como la China, prefieren el uso de los palillos o palitos que pueden ser de bambú, que es su forma más común, hasta materiales como marfil, plata u oro para todo tipo de alimentos sólidos. En otras culturas, aún se come con las manos.

En Directo al Paladar, les dejo el enlace de Los utensilios esenciales de toda cocina común.

-
La noticia Los cubiertos de mesa. ¿Que sabemos de su origen? fue publicada originalmente en Directo al Paladar México por Gaby Tejeda.








28 Mar 00:10

La oposición reclama a Feijoo que se centre en Compostela

by r.m. santiago / la voz
Reyes ve que «estamos nun vía crucis» y Cela, ante un gobierno «roto»
27 Mar 22:11

Projeçom de “Cotolay” comentada

by Gentalha

cotolay

27 Mar 22:11

Paula Prado: «Conde Roa va a tirar de la manta»

by S. L.
27 Mar 22:11

Por que deberías ir ver O gran hotel Budapest?

by Raquel C. Pico

Acaba de chegar aos cines O gran hotel Budapest, a última película de Wes Anderson. Un escritor atópase nun vello hotel de Entreguerras, agora decrépito e medio baleiro, coa súa beleza doutra época atacada polos letreiros de aires sesenteiros nos que indican que non se pode subir ao ascensor en caso de incendio, cun home, o señor Mustafá, o propietario do hotel, que lle conta como a propiedade chegou ás súas mans. E así marchamos a 1932, a esa Europa de Entreguerras (ou mellor, a unha versión falsa pero bastante adecuada para entender a verdadeira), onde Monsieur Gustave dirixe o estiloso e impoñente Gran Hotel Budapest e a onde chega Zero, un rapaz apátrida, para instruírse como botóns.

Anderson inspírase na obra (e vida) de Stefan Zweig, o grande escritor austríaco que foi un dos nomes máis importantes e populares da literatura europea de Entreguerras. A película non é exactamente unha adaptación das súas obras (de ningunha en concreto), pero recolle o seu espírito e captura a esa Europa que se estaba desmoronando. Non hai que ser un lince para ver os paralelismos entre a Europa Central do 1932 real e a Europa Central na que está a Zubrowka da película. Zweig podería ser o escritor – sen nome – que interpreta Jude Law, que é a quen nalgún momento dos 60 lle contan a historia (e de quen sabemos nun momento que foi pasar unha longa tempada a Sudamérica… como fixo Zweig durante a II Guerra Mundial, cando se exiliou en Brasil onde se suicidaría en 1942 ante o tráxico rumbo que estaba a seguir o mundo).

O director explica en practicamente todas as entrevistas que lle fixeron (podedes coller unha calquera ao chou para velo), que leu A piedade perigosa (en castelán foi publicado por Acantilado como La impaciencia del corazón ) e namorou ipso facto do escritor: do seu xeito de contar historias, nas que a historia sempre tropeza con quen a conta xa que alguén lla conta a el; do mundo que contaba, esa Europa de Entreguerras; e dos seus personaxes, en A piedade perigosa é un oficial do exército austrohúngaro, destinado nunha pequena localidade ‘de provincias’ que coñece a unha rapaza en cadeira de rodas e a quen se ve atada por culpa de certos malentendidos. Stefan Zweig, aínda que nunca deixou realmente de ser editado en Europa, non é moi popular en Estados Unidos e, como podedes imaxinar, agora todos esperan que se poñan de moda.

Pero ademais dos puntos literarios, O gran hotel Budapest é unha película visualmente impecable. Podedes ir vela por simplemente mirala, porque cada escena, cada imaxe, está composta para ser directamente fermosa. O uso das cores, a roupa, os boliños que cociña Agatha… todo é bonito. Todo está coidado ata o extremo, ata o punto de que a imaxe gráfica de todos os elementos está pensada para encaixar na historia. Anderson fichou á deseñadora gráfica Annie Atkins, que fixo o deseño de todos os elementos que tiveran imaxe escrita na película. Dende os pasaportes ata as caixas nas que se levan os pasteis de Mndl’s. Para que todo fose realista e acorde co tempo no que está ambientada a película, Atkins empregou técnicas da época e ata unha máquina de escribir dos anos 30 para facer os informes e textos que se ven no filme.

Anderson está, ademais, obsesionado coa simetría, polo que a imaxe sempre está en equilibrio. (Si, se cadra dun modo un tanto enfermizo, pero o resultado é sempre impresionante).

27 Mar 22:05

Steve Moore (1949-2014)

by noreply@blogger.com (PAblo)


Me hago eco un poco tarde del fallecimiento el pasado día 16 de Marzo a los 64 años del guionista británico Steve Moore, conocido popularmente como el “otro” Moore.

Steve Moore desarrolló una dilatada carrera como guionista en el cómic británico principalmente en revistastan populares como “Warrior”, “2000 A.D” o “Doctor Who”. y la filial inglesa de Marvel para la que desarrolló historias de “Hulk” y “Nick Furia, agente de SHIELD” hasta que dio el salto a la Casa de las Ideas con la publicación de la adaptación al cómic de la película de 007 “Octopussy” en 1983.

Sin embargo, por lo queSteve Moore será más conocido fue por su duradera amistad con Alan Moore y haber sido el que le convenciera en sus comienzos como dibujante para abandonar los pinceles y centrarse en la escritura de guiones colaborando conjuntamente en algunos de sus primeros trabajos e iniciándole en los secretos del oficio..

La amistad de los dos Moore perduró a lo largo de los años y Steve se encargó de realizarlos  guiones para alguna de las historias incluidas en la antología "Tom Strong's Terrific Tale", en la que diversos autores homeajeaban y ampliaban el personaje creado por Alan. Además en el momento de la muerte de Steve ambos Moore estaban colaborando en la realización de un nuevo proyecto, “The Moon and Serpent Bumper Book of Magic”, en la que ambos volcaban su pasión por la magia y el ocultismo.

El cómic  más reciente de Steve Moore ha sido “Hércules:  The Thracian Wars” y "The Knives of Kush" (junto a Chris Bolsin), que se está adaptando al cine con Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson , Joseph Finnes y John Hurt en el reparto.

D.E.P.
27 Mar 00:08

Read a New Excerpt from The Winds of Winter!

by Stubby the Rocket

Winds of Winter excerpt Mercy

George R.R. Martin has released a new excerpt from The Winds of Winter! We don’t want to give a single syllable away, so we’re just going to give you this link and invite you to discuss in the comments after you’ve finished! Please assume there will be spoilers! 

[Read More]

Martin has been working so hard on the sixth installment in his epic A Song of Ice and Fire series that he recently decided to hold off on a cameo in Game of Thrones in order to keep writing. He has spoken at length about his plans to wrap up several cliffhangers from the end of A Dance with Dragons, and also released an earlier excerpt, “Arianne,” in January of 2013.

Replacing “Arianne” on Martin's site is a chapter titled “Mercy,” featuring a character who has taken on quite a few monikers as of late... Read it here!

26 Mar 19:53

James Deen is ‘trying to make the coolest porno’

by Emma del Valle
James Deen is ‘trying to make the coolest porno’

James Deen has put a new face on porn. Even in 2014, it’s difficult for a lot of people to shake their concept of the adult industry as either a Linda Lovelace nightmare or a spray-tanned silicon disaster. But Deen, a friendly, nerdy guy who looks like one of the McSomething doctors from “Grey’s Anatomy,” is an antithesis to the notion that porn is either sleazy or cheesy. In recent years, he’s become the figurehead of a more confident, idiosyncratic and respectful wave of pornography.

I spoke to him about his website [link NSFW] and what he’s been working on. It bears mentioning that Deen is one of the few people who can casually talk about gangbangs as if he were describing socks purchased at H&M.

Most links NSFW.

You’re currently directing and starring in a series based on the Seven Deadly Sins. Where did that project come from?

What it came from was a just a list of themes that I wanted to shoot, that I was mulling over in my head. Pretty much every single one, I realized, fit with one of the seven deadly sins. So I thought, I should just do that.

The ones I’ve finished right now, are Greed, Gluttony, Lust and Pride. Lust was actually really difficult, because… it’s such a porno. Just the concept of it, the idea of it: how do you make something about lust, the intense desire for sexual contact, without it coming across as a just a basic porno? The thing is, none of these movies are anything BUT pornos. They’re not mainstream movies with hardcore sex. I’m trying to make the coolest porno.

For Pride, I have three girls wearing Me masks, and they’re gangbanging some girl, and I come in, and they wear the masks while I’m having sex with them…

Those masks are very creepy. Did you do anything with them after you shot that?

They are currently sitting in the closet, right behind me. There are a couple of things I want to do with them, but I want to keep one. They’re really creepy.

You can’t leave them sitting out at night or anything?

No. Noooonononono. [laughs]

And Gluttony is a food fight, right? And that shouldn’t be too much of a stretch, right? You do like food.

Well, yes. But not to have sex with it.

Speaking of which, you’ve also got a food web series, James Deen Loves Food. What have you done on there so far?

We did the most expensive burrito, and we did a turducken dog for the 4th of July, where we took a turkey hot dog and shoved it inside of a duck breast, and then there was a chicken that it was wrapped in or something crazy like that. And we deep fried it. And then it was a hot dog, and we ate it.

I noticed that one thing that you’ve done a few times, is had the last meal of a specific death row convict. What is it about last meals that’s interesting to you?

It was interesting to see the different types of crimes of these people and the different types of food that they ordered. The real crazies, like John Wayne Gacy, ate REALLY well. And then there was this guy who had done more of a crime of passion thing, and he obviously felt guilty and remorseful, and he had one single olive. So it’s very interesting to see the difference between the real psychos that are like killing kids and burying them in their basements, and someone who, like, stabbed someone in a fight, and to see how their feelings play out in their last meal.

And you also invented ramen matzah balls?

Yes, I did.

All I can say is, congratulations.

James Deen is a busy, prolific, and very nice man. If you’re kinky or hungry, you should check him out at www.jamesdeen.com.

26 Mar 19:53

CAN-FAP Is Fighting for Foreskins Everywhere

by Lindsay Rempel



CAN-FAP leader Glen Callender. All photos courtesy of James Loewen via Facebook

The majority of the Western world has already come to the conclusion that female genital mutilation is bad—it’s brutal, invasive, and causes children unbelievable amounts of pain for no reason. Meanwhile, male genital mutilation, a.k.a. circumcision, is hailed as a great way to prevent everything from venereal diseases to cancer. The benefits of circumcision are still being debated, so medical associations refrain from condemning or supporting the practice for the most part, and generally leave the decision up to a child’s parents. But plenty of anti-circumcision activists want the procedure banned altogether, like the Canadian organization called CAN-FAP, which stands for the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project.

The foreskin-loving group organized a protest last week in Vancouver, British Columbia, during a TED Talk featuring Bill and Melinda Gates. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has been donating millions of dollars to programs that offer circumcision in Africa as a preventative measure against HIV, which has led CAN-FAP to dub Bill Gates “Foreskin Enemy #1.” I caught up with Glen Callender, the organization's founder, to ask him what he was thinking when he named his organization, among other things.

VICE: First off, what’s with the name, CAN-FAP?
Glen Callender: Well, a lot of people seem to think it’s a mistake. But of course it’s deliberate, and it’s a reference to the history of circumcision in the Western world. It began as a non-religious surgery in the 1800s to primarily prevent boys from masturbating. The foreskin is, of course, a built-in masturbation aid, and that’s the way nature intended it.

How did CAN-FAP get started?
I started CAN-FAP in June 2010. The main motivation for it was that I have a really enjoyable foreskin. My foreskin actually has its own orgasms, and it feels fantastic every day of my life. When I was a kid and I learned about circumcision for the first time, I already had a very good relationship with my foreskin, and the idea horrified me. That horror has never left my system—just knowing that little boys are being strapped down and having this valuable, enjoyable part of their penis cut off. The men who have foreskins know that it’s a good body part, it’s valuable, and that there aren’t bad parts of the penis. This is an ancient, religious, superstitious idea. There are no bad parts of the penis, and there are no bad parts of the female vulva. It’s all good, and we shouldn’t be tampering with the sexuality of children and the adults they grow up to be. We understand, because we’re not accustomed to it, that female genital mutilation of any kind is child abuse. You’re taking a sharp object, and you’re deliberately causing pain and bleeding and amputation to a child’s genitals. Well, we do the same thing with boys, and we need to stop doing it. Knives and genitals of children should have nothing to do with each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl or if you cut a little or a lot—taking a knife to the genitals of a child is sexual abuse.

Are there any health benefits to circumcision?
The circumcision rate in some countries is less than 1 percent, so if circumcision improves men’s sexual health, we would see men getting sick in Europe because of their foreskins. But it turns out that the sexual health of intact European men and their female partners is as good as or better than the sexual health of their circumcised counterparts. It’s really bullshit. It’s all about making parents scared so they’ll hand over their babies to be circumcised so doctors can make their money. They know if a boy grows up, when he’s 18 years old, there’s no way he’s going to want a knife near his penis, because any man would be crazy to want less penis.

It’s like, if you saw them plucking out a kid’s eye, you would be horrified because you have an eye and you know how wonderful an eye is. But then you have the parents saying, “No, no, no, we come from a religion that believes that there’s one evil eye, and you pluck that eye out! And it’s fine having one eye; you can still see.” And you go, "Shut up! You’re plucking out a kid’s eye and taking away a sense organ from him. You’re taking away part of his body that he uses to interact with the world and enjoy life." I feel the same way about my foreskin. I have a foreskin, and frankly, that makes it clear that all the arguments for circumcision are bullshit.

Can you tell me why you’re calling Bill Gates “Foreskin Enemy #1"?
Through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Bill Gates has committed over $145 million to circumcising as many African men and boys as possible. And there are hints that they might actually be prepared to spend up to a billion dollars on this, as these programs scale up in different countries. That makes Bill Gates personally responsible for more unnecessary circumcisions than any other individual in the world. He has exterminated more foreskin than anybody else, and that is why he is Foreskin Enemy #1. It’s just an embarrassment in the 21st century—the idea that we should be making up reasons to cut off healthy, normal parts of people's bodies is insane.

The studies that Bill Gates uses as a basis for this funding really make circumcision look good. The results show a 50 to 70 percent reduction in HIV transmission over a short period of time, and that’s the thing in some cases: Even if it works, it’s over a short period of time, not long-term. The bottom line here is that real-world populations don’t reflect that data. If circumcision really did prevent VDs, population data would consistently show that circumcised populations had fewer VDs than the intact, but that’s not the case. The United States proves this within its own borders. They had the biggest HIV epidemic in the Western world there among an almost completely circumcised male population.

Why did people start messing with penises in the first place?
It started out as a preventative measure against masturbation, because they believed in Victorian times that masturbation caused all sorts of health problems. Then it became used as prevention against venereal diseases, then cancer—they always make it [a cure for] whatever the scary thing is. Today it’s HIV, so lo and behold, circumcision prevents HIV! And in the future, if a new venereal disease emerges that we haven’t yet heard of, well, they’ll say that circumcision prevents that too. But really, for cultural and religious and financial reasons, they want to cut off your foreskin. It is a billion-dollar industry in the US: About 3,000 boys a day are circumcised, and that earns pediatricians over a billion dollars a year. And there are billions more in hospitals, and the fact that foreskins get sold into the biotech industry and get used to create skin grafts and used to create collagen and other ingredients for beauty creams—the bottom line here is that this is not an ethical industry.

And what a coincidence that the part that’s being cut off is on the most enjoyable part of your body. You know, God doesn’t want a knuckle, or the index toe off of one of your feet, or a bit of your earlobe, no. He wants part of your penis. Your genitals are supposed to be your happy place, and religion wants to make them your unhappy place, your shame place.

You do something called the Foreskin Pride Salute. Can you explain it?
Explain it? Well, first of all, you can’t have a circumcised T-shirt. You’ve got to have a long-sleeved shirt that goes all the way down to your wrists. And you make a fist with your hand, which symbolizes the head of the penis, and you tuck that fist away into the sleeve of your shirt and heroically extend your arm skyward and pull back that sleeve to reveal the fist. And that is very symbolic. I hope that intact men around the world will adopt the Foreskin Pride Salute to show the world that intact men are proud of our foreskins and we love them. The problem is in your head, not on my penis.

Anything else to add?
I’d like to add that black foreskin is beautiful.

Follow Lindsay Rempel on Twitter.

26 Mar 17:42

Haikyo: The Culture of Urban Exploration in Japan

by Miss Cellania

You’ve seen plenty of photography here by urban explorers who sneak into abandoned places to document them on film. In Japan, the hobby is called haikyo, which would translate to urban explorer, but the exact meaning is just a little different. Urban Ghosts talked to haikyoist Jordy Meow about exploring the architecture of Japan.

Haikyo means “ruin” in Japanese, but it’s also the name of the hobby. What we call the “haikyoists” in Japan are actually doing “urban exploration”, which means also exploring places which are not necessarily abandoned.

I like to think that haikyo and urban exploration have differences. In comparison with westerners explorers, haikyoists seem more interested in the story and history of the places they visit and don’t take as many photos (sometimes none). The general pace is slower and quieter, new images aren’t put online immediately and explorers tend to take their time. Attempts at visiting many haikyo or exposing too much locations in a short amount of time is not appreciated.

But that doesn’t mean no pictures are taken! Read the rest of the interview, and see quite a few of Meow’s best photos at Urban Ghosts.

(Image credit: Jordy Meow)

26 Mar 17:41

Vasectomy Madness

by Miss Cellania

This is something I hadn’t paid much attention to, but apparently March is the biggest month for vasectomies. So much so that many clinics run advertised specials in March. Why? Because if a man is going to have a vasectomy anyway, scheduling it right before the NCAA tournament allows him to sit at home for a few days and watch basketball. That’s why Urology Specialty Care in Kentucky is offering a free pizza with a vasectomy, intend of the usual bag of frozen peas (but you’ll probably get those anyway). With Leather has a roundup of the many funny March Madness ads for vasectomy clinics, including videos. 

26 Mar 17:19

"No history is accurate, not even the very best we have."

by Wretch729
In How History Can Be Used in Fiction historian Ada Palmer explores how two TV series about the Borgia family succeed or fail at conveying a period feel, where and why modern sensibilities influence the shows, and how the characterization of a protagonist whose age is historically uncertain can be affected by making him younger or older. It finally concludes with a discussion of why communication can be more important than accuracy and why some changes from historical fact strengthen fiction and others weaken it.

This piece originally appeared on Palmer's excellent Renaissance Italy-focused blog Ex Urbe. Previously on Metafilter (though it was anonymous then).
26 Mar 16:25

"Half time has infected pop music"

by lizarrd
Has pop music criticism really devolved into lifestyle reporting as alleged by this Daily Beast article? The response by Slate reviewing Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream".

Regardless if the accusation is correct or not, it lead me down the rabbit hole to find websites that did actually try to analyze pop music using music theory.

HookTheory (Previously) has an analysis section that seems to be a crowdsourced version with a nifty widget to see the Roman numeral analysis as well as a melody rising and falling for pop songs. You can also choose to hear it in the original video/audio format for the snippet or listen to a MIDI piano play the parts.

A Corpus Analysis of Rock Harmony (PDF) (Previously) takes Rolling Stones "500 Greatest Songs of All Time" from the 1950s to 1990s and takes the top 20 songs from each decade then proceeds to analyze the entirety of the data together.

Pop Music Theory is a rather new blog by Eric Strom that analyzes the current Billboard Hot 100 songs finding a music theory topic for the song chosen.

Musistix takes a simpler approach and just analyzes the Billboard Hot 100 songs per week covering key, first chord progression, second chord progression (if available), temp, meter, and genre. It's great to just quickly see what chord progressions are being used for that week's top pop hits.

Popular Music Interest Group (Society for Music Theory) "is dedicated to promoting the scholarly study of popular music through methods including musical analysis and theory."

Their bibliography for sources on general popular music genres and terms as well as particular groups.

And finally, but hardly least, some interesting journal articles from Music Theory Online focusing on popular music.

Their special edition of form in Rock music -- (Per)form in(g) Rock.
Making Sense of Rock's Tonal Systems (Walter Everett)
Harmonic Stasis and Oscillation in Bjork's Medulla (Victoria Malawey)
On Metrical Techniques of Flow in Rap Music (Kyle Adams)
Timber as Differentiation in Indie Music (David K. Blake)
Radiohead's "Pyramid Song": Ambiguity, Rhythm, and Participation (Nathan D. Hesselink)
26 Mar 16:21

WHERE'S ITS SCROTUM?!

by timshel
Though Llewyn appears stuck, he's the nomad always ecstatic in his circumlocutions. He's on a road to nowhere but at least trudging on a path to somewhere. The rest of the world marks time, gliding smoothly along the straight line of the future, arrested comfortably in the steady flow of the ever-present, and being naively present relieves one from the nightmare of history. Maybe the materialization of Dylan's music in the final minutes, when it wasn't there in the beginning, is another sign that Llewyn's time has passed, and it's time to, um, face the music. Like clockwork he goes into the alley to confront the shadowy figure, and takes his punch (this time not saying "I'm sorry?" before the fist collides with his face, however). Consigned again to this cesspool, he doesn't stay down but ascends through iron bar shadows and follows his bellicose aggressor, who gets into a cab and drives off. Llewyn looks on somewhat wistfully, not saying "farewell" in accord with Dylan but rather says "Au revoir"—indicating they'll see each other again. At that quiet utterance the cab's wheels screech and turn a sharp corner. The linear trajectory forward is thwarted and Fate's Emissary will inevitably come around again. The Orbital Noose: Inside Llewyn Davis
26 Mar 14:56

No More ‘Vice’: ARCHER To Return to the Spy Game

by Jake Kroeger

With two seasons picked up at FX, the folks who bring you hit animated series Archer have some time and space to really do whatever they want. For now, series creator Adam Reed wants to get back to basics. More specifically, he wants to go from the Archer: Vice tangent, if you will, back to good ol’ fashioned goofy espionage.

As of right now, the ISIS members aren’t so much like In Like Flint or Austin Powers as they’ve transitioned to being drug dealers, Archer-style of course, selling an entire ton of cocaine. The move for next season is being hailed as sort of a deboot rather than a reboot, since the series will be moving chronologically forward, but, in either case, we’ll be just excited to see more, especially as there are those two aforementioned seasons on the way of the shenanigans of the master spy, voiced by H. Jon Benjamin.

HT: Entertainment Weekly

26 Mar 14:18

Playa de Cariño, Ferrol

by Roberto PR
La playa de Cariño (Ferrol) está situada en la entrada de la Ría de Ferrol, a 4 kilómetros de la ciudad ferrolana. Tiene una extensión de 90 metros de largo por 25 de ancho. En los últimos años (como en muchas playas antes poco frecuentadas) ha aumentado mucho el número de visitantes estivales.
Playa de Cariño vista desde la carretera que lleva al Puerto Exterior (julio de 2015). Foto de Carlos Rodríguez.

El estado habitual del mar es aguas tranquilas, por lo que es muy adecuada para el baño. La composición de la playa es arena dorada y rocas, con una calidad de las aguas muy buena.
Playa de Cariño en julio de 2015. Foto de Carlos Rodríguez.

La que era antiguamente una playa con una gran calidad de aguas ya que estaba casi fuera de la ría, en la actualidad tiene muy cerca el Puerto Exterior de Ferrol, con lo cual la calidad de las aguas ya no es la de antes, oliendo en en ocasiones a gasolina y aflorando placas de hidrocarburos. La construcción del Puerto Exterior de Ferrol varió las corrientes que ahora remansan en la playa de Cariño. Más información: http://sosoceanos.blogspot.com.es/2010/08/las-mareas-vivas-sacan-la-placa-de.html

Playa de Cariño en Noviembre de 2005 desde un Beneteau Oceanis Clipper 321. Foto de Carlos Rodríguez.  


LINKS: 

26 Mar 12:12

O disco da semana: Juventud Infinita, de Novedades Carminha

by Dr. Chou

novedades-carminha-juventud-infinitaCruzas a meta. Foi un ano duro, pero a recompensa sempre chega. Cando curras. Iso che dicía o teu pai de pequeno, que te esforzases, e que terías o teu premio. Es maior para crer todo o que teu padre che dicía cando a túa única preocupación era dar o teu primeiro morreo, pero o certo é que esta vez gañaches. Chegaches de primeiro. Sobes ó podio onde te agarda un botellón de cava ben frío, listo para ser axitado, destapado e regar ó xentío que agarda ansioso poder aclamarte só a ti, aí, no alto. Cumpres co protocolo, e deixas o botellón apartado, ó pé do podio, tras finalizar a cerimonia de entrega de medallas. Horas despois, mentres os incansables empregados de limpeza se afanan en deixalo todo impecable, un deles descóbrea, abandonada. Bótalle un grolo prohibido, quizais imaxinándose no seu interior vencedor do campionato en cuestión. O sabor non é malo, pero xa está algo quente e perdeu o gas, non pica, non che fai chorar os ollos. Non está mal, pero antes molaba máis. Como Novedades Carminha e o seu ‘Juventud Infinita’.

Aínda que o certo é que máis que requentados, ‘Juventud Infinita’ déixanos un chisco fríos. Fainos bailar, divírtenos, que para o caso foi o que sempre buscaron Novedades Carminha coa súa música, entreternos sen maiores historias. Pero agora, mentres eles van medrando en idade, semella que queren plasmar esa madurez no seu son, e o resultado non era o que buscabamos. As letras seguen ao seu, canallas, descaradas, pero o son tan coidado, tan ben producido, tan claro, restoulles encanto. Que Novidades Carminha adique un tempo a ter un son máis atendido non é o que buscamos. Queremos o salvaxismo da outra etapa, a provocación, a actitude que agora aparentan pero que na música non acaba de plasmarse completamente. É como se dentro levasen esa fera que sabemos que levan, pero que tentasen domesticala pouco a pouco. E o que queremos é que a besta faga anacos ao domador, que crave as unllas e o esgace. Juventud Infinita, o tema, móvenos o cú abondo, pero xa deixa esa sensación de vixilancia dos matices. Ben, pero queremos a uns Novedades Carminha máis afastados de Triángulo de Amor Bizarro.

Qué traviesa estás, di o comezo de Quiero verte bailar, un corte que achega a Novedades Carminha a un pop máis anello, case á época na que Alejandro Díez manexaba os tempos da era pop ó fronte de Los Flechazos. Teoricamente todo debe soar fresco e divertido, pero hai algo que, mirando ó pasado, cústanos crer. Como o canalla das letras de Antigua pero moderna, recubertas de melodías algo pasadas de docilidade. En todo caso, se tentas ser menos concienciudo, gozar de “Juventud Infinita” non é, nin moito menos, complicado. Devórame otra vez acádao. Logra lembrarnos aquel descaro de Amor rural, e facernos pensar que ó mellor todo está nas nosas mentes, que os rapaces non se fan maiores. Que esa querenza por vestir de mod o francés en Et moi, et moi, et moi paga moito a pena. Que hai que aplaudir a valentía. O problema é que antes todo semellaba máis valente, menos calculado.

Así que ao final semella como se fixera falla que alguén escribise o teu propio guión dun capítulo de Cuéntame cómo pasó, no que soen os Novedades Carminha de antes, mentres o que tes ó lado defende “Juventud Infinita”, para que poidas soltarlle “si, pero é que aquí eran más auténticos”. Na segunda metade hao de todo, dende unha Vaquilla que non está moi á altura, ata esa lembranza á lingua nai en Non quito o chándal realmente logrado e divertido. Achegamentos ó noise, ó dun Tú antes molabas que case nos estaba lendo o pensamento ó escoller título, pero que se trata dunha das cancións máis sólidas de ‘Juventud Infinita’, aínda que a solidez sexa algo que, neste caso, nos dea por saco. Un prato ben presentado cando ti antes sempre ías a restaurantes de menú do día. A flaccidez previa a buscar un segundo coito, contra a enérxica erección adolescente. E algunha gozada ocasional como a final Fiesta tropical, dos meus cortes favoritos de ‘Juventud Infinita’. Un disco que amosa a uns Novedades Carminha ós que a moza lles presentaría á súa nai, en lugar de telos escondidos todo o tempo que poida.

26 Mar 12:09

Grietas en el Gaiás, trescientos millones de euros después

by m. cheda
Una parte del Gaiás se resquebraja, la Xunta lo imputa a un defecto de construcción y anuncia que las contratistas lo repararán sin coste para el erario cuando deje de llover
26 Mar 12:09

Bicicletas de Madera de Galicia

by noreply@blogger.com (Servicios Digitales)
Bicicletas de Madera Made in Galicia 

 Si habéis leído bien bicicletas de madera realizadas en Galicia y por gallegos. 

La empresa Cyclowood está ubicado en Verin, en la provincia de Orense y su historia arranca del bisabuelo de Gerardo Fernández Pousada, actual gerente de Ciclowood, en 1922 aproximadamente, fabricó la primera de un modo muy artesanal. Y ahora cuenta con un centro de desarrollo y es aquí donde son elaborados los cuadros de madera Cyclowood y donde se realiza el montaje de las bicicletas por personal técnico con alta cualificación usando los componentes mas avanzados y que mejor se adaptan a nuestras bicicletas. 

Cada unidad de Cyclowood lleva grabado un número de identificación (Código) que facilitará la comunicación entre la empresa y los clientes al identificar univocamente a cada cuadro o bicicleta.

En la actualidad fabrican entre 40 y 50 velocípedos al mes en los cinco mil metros de instalaciones que la firma gallega tiene en Verín en la que trabajan once personas que combinan artesanía con tecnología. Podríamos contaros muchas cosas buenas de estas bicicletas de madera, los modelos que fabrican y las ventajas de las mismas. 

Para ello os aconsejamos visitar su web www.cyclowood.com en donde podéis ver todo al detalle. Nosotros simplemente las recomendamos porque en estos tiempos actuales una fábrica en Galicia que desarrollo un producto en Galicia con gente de aquí ya tiene mérito y si además el producto es inmejorable que más vamos a pedir.


26 Mar 12:08

Vigilancia Aduanera cree que Paula Prado hizo de intermediaria para colocar a recomendados

by Serafín Lorenzo
26 Mar 12:07

Non son muitos os que coñecen as compostelás ruínas do castelo...



Non son muitos os que coñecen as compostelás ruínas do castelo da Rocha Forte, na actual Rocha Vella. Aínda que pouco fotoxénicas, as ruínas son un dos lugares que toda persoa que visita Compostela debería coñecer.

Trátase do que queda dun castelo de século XIII erixido polo arcebispado para protexer a cidade das invasións que tentaron sucesivamente conquistar Compostela desde a ría de Arousa e mostrar e exercer o seu poder sobre o concello. O castelo, que estaba á última en tecnoloxía militar pero foi derruído polos Irmandiños no ano 1467. Estas son as balas de catapulta usadas na súa toma pola forza. Estas balas chámanse bolaños e hai localizados máis de 200 de diferentes tamaños nos restos do castelo. Non todos tan grandes como esas bólas da foto pero digo eu que deberían axudar a botar abaixo a estrutura do castelo e se pillaban algunha persoa na súa traxectoria debían de mancar bastante, senón que llo pregunten ao corpo humano que apareceu nas escavacións este ano debaixo dun deles. Os estudos antropolóxicos aínda non están concluídos pero todo fai pensar que son os restos de alguén que golpeado polo bolaño perdeu a vida e non se moveu do lugar ata a súa recente descuberta.

Para máis información consultade a mui recomendable páxina web das escavacións e do xacemento arqueolóxico: http://rochaforte.info

Un exemplo de boa inversión en recuperación da historia da cidade. O único malo é que con tal motivo levantouse unha moderna reixa metálica que impide pasear polo interior do castelo, como facíamos -quizais imprudentemente- os amantes do lugar ata fai pouco. E é que é bastante sonado o espolio que os catro irresponsables de sempre fixeron neste castelo, algúns mesmo carretaron para destino ignoto e privado bolaños enormes e pesadísimos. Nestas cousas o falcatrueiro non ten límite.

26 Mar 12:01

Photo



26 Mar 12:01

‘Punisher. Bienvenido, Frank’, el comienzo de una leyenda

by Sergio Benítez

Punisher-portada

Tras diversos movimientos editoriales que no habían funcionado como se pretendía, Frank Castle seguía habitando ese incómodo limbo en el que casi parecía haberse acomodado y en el que muchos otros personajes de La Casa de las Ideas se han encontrado tantas y tantas veces a la espera de que algún guionista con la habilidad suficiente supiera sacar partida a su potencial.

En el caso de Castle, las diversas encarnaciones pasadas del Castigador no habían hecho sino incidir una y otra vez sobre los mismos encuadres, centrándose sobremanera en el deseo de venganza del antiguo militar por la pérdida de su mujer y sus hijos sin molestarse mucho en rascar más allá de la superficie e indagar en las auténticas motivaciones que llevaban al bueno de Frank a matar a diestro y siniestro en una cruzada sangrienta.

Así las cosas, y con lo ridículo de los planteamientos derivados de la miniserie de Marvel Knights guionizada por Christopher Golden, Marvel decidió que era hora de dar un golpe de autoridad con el personaje y, ni corta ni perezosa, se lo ofreció a un guionista al que el calificativo de enfant terrible se ajusta como un guante….como un guante de acero con el que darte una somanta de palos y dejarte convertido en una masa sanguinolenta e irreconocible, claro.

Así, el mismo año que daba las últimas puntadas a la que sigue siendo su obra maestra, Garth Ennis entraba para poner patas arriba el mundo de Punisher hasta tal punto de convertirse en el autor que mejor ha comprendido al personaje y el que más tiempo ha estado al frente de su cabecera, nueve años en los que el irlandés redefiniría, y de que manera, a un personaje que le debe las mejores historias suyas que han visto la luz en formato aviñetado.

Punisher-interior

Y todo comienza aquí, en el volumen que Panini publicaba hace pocas semanas y que recoge la primera maxiserie de doce números titulada ‘Bienvenido, Frank’; una maxiserie que hace gala de principio a fin de la brutalidad sin par que siempre ha caracterizado a Ennis y que no habría resultado igual de efectiva de no haber sido porque su factura gráfica iba a venir firmada por el responsable al 50% de hacer de ‘Predicador’ el puntal título de la historia del noveno arte que es. Nos referimos, cómo no, a Steve Dillon.

La nueva conjunción de ambos talentos configura doce números en los que la violencia que ya habíamos visto en las páginas de la serie de Vertigo se muda a Nueva York, se pone una camiseta con una calavera y se dedica a cargarse de la manera más expeditiva posible a todo elemento criminal que se le pone a tiro. En esta aventura, Ennis rodea a Frank de toda una nueva galería de esos personajes bizarros (en la acepción anglosajona del término) que tan bien sabe escribir y que, en 2004 darán el salto a la gran pantalla en la olvidable adaptación protagonizada por Thomas Jane y John Travolta.

Bumpo, Dave (Spacker Dave!), Ma Gnucci o el Ruso son sólo los ejemplos más llamativos de un microuniverso de personalidades extremas que encuentran precisa traslación en los diseños que Dillon va aireando, y aunque haya que admitir que la corrección anatómica nunca haya sido el fuerte del artista, o que su narrativa es algo estática, lo cierto es que, tras los años compartidos al frente de ‘Predicador’, pocos dibujantes se antojaban más adecuados para estos primeros momentos de una serie que, conforme vaya pasando el tiempo, alcanzará cotas de auténtico genio. Pero eso, como suele decirse, será una historia para otro momento…

Punisher. Bienvenido, Frank

  • Autores: Garth Ennis y Steve Dillon
  • Editorial: Panini
  • Encuadernación: Rústica
  • Páginas: 280
  • Precio: 15 euros
25 Mar 17:47

Tuesday, March 25 @ 12:39:24 pm

by djbob
25 Mar 17:46

The 10 Different Types Of Vaginas There Are

by Johnny Long
Directly in response to “The 10 Different Types Of Dicks,” a few of us guys decided to share our thoughts on some common types of vaginas. Although I, sexual guru Johnny Long, actually did the bulk of the writing, I gotta give credit where it’s due: this article could not have come together without the helpful musings of the men in the Comments section, and specifically Brave New World, whose title suggestions I quote here.

1. The Loose Vagina You Can Last Forever In

This vagina is simply put… loose. A loose vagina feels like it’s slid 12 babies out of it in the last couple of years. Being in a woman should feel like a jacuzzi bath for your cock, but instead, it feels like driving your car through a carwash, when those flappy curtains soap up your sedan. It’s not doing much, barely putting any pressure on your penis, and you can just keep going… and going… and going… and going. Your girl probably has some idea that her vagina is really loose, so maybe spare her self esteem and don’t mention it to her. Just… do the best you can, and maybe get out of there. Literally.

2. The Too-Tight Virgin Vagina That Makes You Cum Too Quickly

This is the opposite of #1. Some girls are crazy tight, and it’s just impossible to last. I mean, this vagina is made by nature to squeeze man juice out of you, and with every stroke, you feel like your kids’ faces are becoming more and more defined before your eyes. You switch up positions, and start to wonder how much longer you can last, as this vagina massages every inch of your dick into sweet, sweet ecstasy of release.

Related Thought
Shutterstock

What Your Genitals Might Say About You

It’s been shown that the most important factor in judging a person’s relative value is their genitals.

3. The Deceptively Tiny Vagina

Maybe you’re having sex with a small girl – you know, a skinny 5-foot bubble of happiness, and off come the underwear, and you’re wondering how your average-sized sausage is ever going to fit in there. But then you go down on her, and she starts getting wet. And then wetter. And then, by some miracle magic trick, inch by inch, you’re fully inside her. Sometimes, deceptively tiny vaginas can accommodate you, but are really snug, making them #2s, but sometimes they’re also pretty loose, making you question laws of physics. How can something so tiny feel so… loose? There’s no way to tell how a Deceptively Tiny Vagina will feel until you’re in it.

4. The fat lipped vagina

These can actually be fun; watching those meat curtains wrap around your hard man-member is both titillating and mesmerizing. Often, this kind of vagina is only visually unique, but makes little difference during the actual sex.

5. Eew Vagina

I think there’s a thing going around where some girls  don’t wash their vaginas, or they don’t wash them all the way, or I don’t even know. There is no excuse for a vagina that makes you go Eew. NONE.

6. The Too-Dry Vagina

Although most vaginas in America lubricate themselves just fine, you’ll sometimes come across one that just dries up on you. Sometimes it’s your fault – what are you doing down there, Don Juan? But, sometimes that’s just how it naturally is. Too-Dry Vaginas can be a lot of work, because you have to keep reapplying lube, and it’s harder to concentrate and get into the right mindset for orgasm. Every girl feels a little different about her vagina, but I always feel weird when dealing with one that’s too dry, like I’m not really sure what to do with it. Should I spit on it? Do I just wait for it to… lubricate?

7. The Takes-Forever-To-Cum Vagina

Like, I’ve been going down on you for 25 minutes, and you still not twisting in pleasure?

8. A Birth Control/Medicated Vagina

You’re into some girl and she tells you that while she’s really into you, ahe’s got some mood issues and because of The Pill and her Zoloft, well, she might not have a sex drive for a while / his vagina might actually just go dry at any moment during sexual congress. OH OKAY.

9. A Vagina That Has a Little Mole On The Lips

What even is this?

Related Thought
vagina

Fun Vagina Facts

An 1813 account in a French encyclopedia mentions a woman with a 12-inch clitoris resembling "the neck of a goose."

10. The Perfect Vagina

This is rare. Really rare, and it’s hands-down the most common kind of vagina. You see it at first, and you think to yourself – well, this is just another whatever vagina, but then you slide yourself in, and OH MY GOD, it’s just the right texture and tightness! Just goes to show you – don’t judge the girl by her outer labia. What matters is how it all feels when the guy feels when sensually thrusting inside you, and how you can adjust for your shortcomings. TC mark