Charleytraylor

As you celebrate Christmas (or as you enjoy the blissfully Christian-free streets of Seattle today,) remember that you're only enjoying this holiday because Kirk Cameron saved it for you in this year's hit motion picture* Saving Christmas.

And the only reason you know about Saving Christmas is David Schmader's brilliant review of Saving Christmas, which you should go read right now.

Some people, Kirk Cameron tells us, insist on remaining blind to the holiday's true purpose and holy meaning. I readied myself for the boilerplate screed about the war on Christmas, the secular humanism and multicultural interests strangling Christians' ability to openly celebrate the birth of Christ. But these were not the adversaries Kirk Cameron is concerned with. Kirk Cameron wants to save Christmas from his fellow Christians—specifically, those Christians tempted to dismiss Christmas as a parade of gluttonous materialism built on pagan idolatry that has nothing to do with actual Jesus.

Please, oh, please: if you haven't yet, go read the whole thing.

* The word "hit" here does not denote financial success, merely spiritual success.

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Man Beaten on Capitol Hill Yesterday: The victim says he was smoking a cigarette near the corner of Belmont Avenue and E Pike Street early Monday morning when three or four men approached him, made derogatory remarks about his sexual orientation, then beat him. The attackers escaped, and the victim was taken to Harborview for injuries to his head and face. Seattle PD’s Bias Crimes Unit is reviewing the case, reports KOMO.

King County Delays Public Defender Layoffs: As we reported last week, King County’s new budget proposed cutting 40 Department of Public Defense employees, which critics feared would overload an already-overloaded staff. But after an attorney testified that the plan would hurt poor people and fail to save money, the Metropolitan King County Council decided to delay the reductions till April 1 and assign a work group to further assess staffing needs, meaning it’s possible the reductions may not happen at all.

Small protest tonight at Westlake Center in Seattle, in advance of #Ferguson grand jury decision. pic.twitter.com/klwFacMb2c

— Heather Graf (@HeatherGrafK5) November 18, 2014

Seattle Protests Planned Following Ferguson Decision: Folks held a small protest at Westlake Center last night and say a much bigger event is planned for the night of the grand jury decision, which will determine whether Darren Wilson should be charged in the fatal shooting of Michael Brown. Meanwhile, in Ferguson, Missouri Governor Jay Nixon has declared a state of emergency and activated the National Guard.

Seattle Wants to Give Internet Access to Homeless Camps: That’s among the many improvements the city is proposing out of its $100,000 budget for homeless encampments, reports KOMO. Among other services proposed: toilets, electricity, and improved cooking facilities.

Amazon’s Private Flaggers Causing Traffic Woes: In South Lake Union, people are pissed that Amazon's private traffic cops (many of who are off-duty police officers) help employees get out of their parking garages faster, resulting in backed-up traffic. Meanwhile, it’s unclear whether these traffic flaggers are operating legally, reports King 5.

Microsoft Urges Lawmakers to Limit NSA Powers: It’s among several tech giants—including Apple, Google, Twitter, Yahoo, and Facebook—that have come out in support of the USA Freedom Act, which would limit the NSA’s ability to collect bulk metadata from tech company customers.

Virus Blamed for Sea Star Deaths: Along the West Coast, millions of sea star deaths are now being blamed on a wasting disease, according to the Seattle Times. Researchers say the pathogen has been around since the 1940s, but it’s unclear whether this current rash of deaths is natural or somehow related to climate change or other human activity.

MORE: Police said the victims were all immigrants to Israel and held dual citizenship: http://t.co/jRxpCYSyHn

— The Associated Press (@AP) November 18, 2014

Attack at Jerusalem Synagogue Leaves Four People Dead: The AP reports that two Palestinian cousins armed with meat cleavers and a gun stormed a synagogue during morning prayers, killing three Americans and one Briton. Police killed the attackers in a shootout.

Why Is Airfare Rising Despite Lower Fuel Costs? According to the AP, it’s because demand is high and investors are greedy.

Seattle Private Equity Firm Inks Deal with Bob Marley Estate: To produce a new line of “Marley Natural” marijuana products, reports the Puget Sound Business Journal. “According to Privateer Holdings, "Marley Natural will offer premium cannabis products that honor the life and legacy of Bob Marley as well as his belief in the benefits of cannabis."

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The first step is acceptance. Both the Fremont and Ballard branches of Paseo have closed, and you will never get to eat their signature pork sandwich ever again. With its crusty bread, thick slabs of roasted pork, and caramelized onions, it was easily the best sandwich in Seattle. And now it’s gone, already fading into the haze of our collective memory, where no earthly sandwich will ever come close to touching it. How can you compete with the flavor of a nonexistent sandwich, the kind of sandwich that haunts your hunger like a phantom limb? Paseo retired at the top of its game, and so now it’s become a legend.

What are we supposed to do now? Who crafts the new best sandwich in Seattle? Paseo’s sandwiches were so clearly the best in town that there’s not even an obvious second-place sandwich to fill that void. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that Seattle is wanting for great sandwiches...

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Actually, because of the addition of new GWAR frontwoman Vulvatron, we asked: What's a more powerful tool for destroying your enemies—a GIANT PENIS SWORD or BREASTS THAT SPEW BLOOD?

"Booooooooooobs! Boobs that shoot lots and lots of blood—it's so GWAR!"

(left) "The boobs, please." (right) "I think the giant penis sword would be a better, more immediate death—versus drowning in boob-blood. The penis sword is more humane."

(left) "Boobs that shoot blood, 'cause, I mean, we're at a bloody GWAR show." (right) "I'd like a penis sword... More fun for a woman to have a big, fat penis... sword."

"Oh, definitely the boobs."

(left) "I guess I am probably already more proficient with a penis." (right) "I think I would like to have the penis sword too, please!"

"The giant penis sword. Dude."

(left) "Blood-shooting boobs!" (right) "Oh me too, I'd want the boobs."

"Those GIANT Vulvatron boobs! You just don't see giant boobs like that nearly enough."

"The giant penis! Oderus Urungus's dick is immortal. THE IMMORRRRRRR-TALL PEEEEENISS!"

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Last week, the Seattle City Council voted to ask its lawyers whether a special tax on local millionaires would even be legal.

Council President Tim Burgess thinks the answer is obvious: no. (Because state law bars income taxes.) Council Member Kshama Sawant thinks it's important to explore the question further.

This question has been kicking around for a long time. (Like, since 1933.) And no matter what the city's lawyers come up with, it's likely that any income tax approved by the Seattle City Council would end up at the Washington State Supreme Court—which could be a good thing, given the court's current makeup.

But while the city's lawyers start exploring the income tax question all over again, it's worth considering another question: Would Seattle voters support a tax on millionaires?

Remember, Initiative 1098, which would have brought Washington State billions of dollars annually by levying a tax on high-income earners, failed all across the state in 2010. It even failed here in King County, where some of the titans of local tech—including Steve Ballmer, Paul Allen, Jeff Bezos, and the Microsoft Corporation—gave big money to defeat the measure. One thing the tech titans were said to like about Washington State's lack of an income tax: It helps them when they're recruiting talent to the region.

Even so, in 2010, Seattle voters ignored the tech leaders and voted strongly for a high-earners income tax. That, however, was four years ago.

Since then, the tech companies—especially Bezos's Amazon—have continued to recruit huge numbers of people to come work in this income-tax-free city where, presumably, the lack of an income tax helps all these new workers afford the higher rents and rising housings costs that their presences are helping to create.

Would Seattle's new tech migrants, many of them probably (and reasonably) hoping to become millionaires themselves one day, oppose a new move to tax Seattle's millionaires? If they did, would it make any difference to the overall Seattle sentiment that, at least in 2010, was in favor of taxing the rich?

We may be about to find out.

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UPDATE: ZOPHAR HAS WON, BY POPULAR VOTE!

Okay, Slog, it's time to vote! I know, like Eli Sanders reports, Washington State just had the worst voter turnout in a midterm election since the 1970s, but THIS VOTE IS IMPORTANT! Whoever gets the most votes, by 1 pm tomorrow, Thursday, November 13, wins a free tattoo removal from Seattle Skin and Laser—a fresh start, and a nice new clean slate (of skin).

So here we go! Here are your 2014 Worst Tattoo contestants:

"Hello, my name is Bre and I have a horrendous, unintentionally sexual tattoo on my left calf that I absolutely hate. His nickname is 'Zophar.' I can't wear shorts or a skirt without someone commenting on it, wanting to know 'what it means.' Humiliating. It may be slightly larger than your requirements, but I think it's worth your consideration."

James: "This was done when I was a dumb teenager. Street tattoo with needle, string, Indian ink. It's a curse."

Nicole: "This is my husband's tattoo, I'm entering on his behalf, with his approval. This tattoo was done in Nicaragua with a tattoo gun made out of a guitar string and the parts from a CD player. It is his mother. Um, needless to say, his mother is not a creepy drag queen! Thanks for considering!"

Keep reading to see them all, then cast your vote. Maybe slighty NSFW.

Danielle: "I got this when I was 16 years old in Arizona. My older cousin was getting a tattoo, so my mother gave me $60 and told me if the tattoo shop accepted my fake ID (which was my older sister's real ID) that I could get a tattoo. First mistake... Well, the tattoo shop did accept the ID, which indicated I was 20 years old. I had no idea what I wanted, so I started looking through the books and stopped at the Chinese symbols. The one I decided on was cute and meant something I could get behind: 'Life.' This was before the term 'tramp stamp' existed. Fast-forward six years to when I was in college. I worked with someone who was studying Japanese. He saw my back and told me my tattoo meant 'drink.' I explicitly told him no, no... I knew what it meant and it was 'life.' I assured him he was wrong. Fast-forward just a couple of months... I was in chemistry class and my Japanese professor saw my tattoo. He blurted out, 'What-the, what?! Why do you have "drink" tattooed on your back?!' That did it. It was confirmed. All these years (I'm 31 now), I've been walking around with 'drink' tattooed on my back and I hate it. Parents: Do not let your children get tattoos—they are not yet ready to make decisions like that. People: Do not get foreign languages tattooed on your body unless you get confirmation from someone who speaks that language."

Christopher: "I didn't know what a tramp stamp was—until immediately after this tattoo was finished. The artist told me. I'm a middle-aged man. Please let me die."

Brittany: "I got this tattoo when I was 16 in my boyfriend's basement. He had purchased a tattoo machine at a garage sale. (Don't worry, we used a fresh needle!) I thought it would be cool to be the first one of my friends to get a tattoo. I wanted to get an apple to signify being from Washington State, but the tattoo turned out awful. It's crooked, poorly done, and downright ugly. It even has a tiny scar from where a nicked myself shaving. It's only about the size of a quarter. Best of all, it's on my bikini area because I wanted to get it in a place my parents wouldn't be able to see. I'm totally embarrassed every time I have sex with a new partner and they have to look at this monstrosity! HELP!"

Beau: "The Charlie Sheen. 'Winning' Yep. Nope."

Richie: "It's ACTUALLY this blurry on my arm."

Kevin: "Greetings! I got this chest piece at a place formerly in Port Angeles, Washington, appropriately titled 'Suck Ink.' The intern was digging way too deep with the needle and it healed terribly, so the colors is faded and blotchy with scar tissue underneath. The symbol was supposed to be a Reiki symbol for 'perfect love & trust.' Since I've had it, I refuse to go shirtless."

Sevana: "This is my second time entering this contest with the same shitty tattoo. Although infinity signs are really in right now, rest assured that this beauty is old enough to drink. Try wearing a cute pair of kitten heels and pedal pushers to the office with this disaster on display. I'm sure I was listening to Christian Death or Sisters of Mercy and writing terrible poetry when I 'designed' this mistake. Please help. For the love of God... and kitten heels."

Nicole: "Oh, I want this gone! My black lotus. It was a cover-up on my wrist but it's so big and dark and poorly positioned. Time for a fresh start."

Tristan: "Hey y'all. So here are my drunken punk stick 'n' poke stick-figures. Please help me remove them. The tattoo is on my forearm."

Kimberly: "Obama! I got this the year he was first elected because I lost a bet. The decision about Syria anyone?"

Trish: "Oh, please, please help my son! This tattoo looks like it was done at a blind academy—worst I've ever seen..."

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Hoo-boy is Interstellar a nerdy movie. I don't mean nerdy as in "Sure, I like to watch a Captain America movie every now and again." I mean full-on hard science fiction nerdy, like Larry Niven–novel nerdy. I mean the plot hinges on speculative fiction about black holes and wormholes and event horizons and other vagaries of space travel, and the characters talk ceaselessly about this stuff like it's their damn jobs.

Which, of course, it is. Without spoiling anything, you have probably already discerned from the trailers and promotional materials that Interstellar is set sometime in the not-so-distant future, when the environment is failing and humanity is gently drifting into extinction. Corn is the only crop hardy enough to grow in the heartland's fallow soil anymore—as the movie opens, okra just flickered out, like a dying lightbulb—and tremendous dust storms are threatening the lives of people who are trying to coax the world's only food from the ground. We meet Coop (Matthew McConaughey), a former NASA pilot who's now farming and raising his two kids...

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Name: Wizdumb

Where: Vermillion

Buy Him a Shot Of: Hornitos, however… “I don’t really drink shots,” Wizdumb says. “I do Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

Ask Him to Make You An: Old Dirty Fashioned. “I just made it up the other day. It’s an Old Fashioned with a splash of Coca-Cola in it and a little flaming orange zest.”

What He’s Doing When He’s Not at the Bar: “Making rap music for my new album. It’s called Möstly Crëw and it’s coming out Christmas Eve. I produce and I rap. I feed frogs. And I’m a professional dingus.”

Words to Live By: “There’s a couple of George Carlin quotes that I really like, but I think my favorite is, ‘Those who dance are considered insane by those who can’t hear the music.’”

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Twenty-six-year-old Harrison Williams, of Quinns Rock, Australia, jumped onto a dead whale being eaten by great white sharks. Very quickly he regretted it. Williams escaped unscathed, and his parents say he’s an idiot. Almost immediately, Old Spice deodorant signed him to a contract to do a series of ads (or at least that’s what I told him). WHO’S THE IDIOT NOW, MOM? I called four different numbers after e-mailing five different people and was able to catch up with Harrison for some words:

Why did you jump on a dead whale being eaten by sharks?
Harrison Williams: Because my friend said it would it would be funny to surf it.

Was it funny?
It was funny for maybe one and half seconds. It was a dumb thing to do. I don’t need to do it again. My mom and dad think I’m an idiot. They’re not too proud.

Did you think about the marketing possibilities before you did it? You saw the whale carcass floating with sharks feeding on it. Obviously, there’s money to be made there.
I didn’t really think about it like that. My friend was egging me on. People shouldn’t be doing this; it’s not safe. It could have ended poorly.

But you’re advertising deodorant now.
I am?

Yes, you are. Old Spice.
I think you may have the wrong guy.

Nope, it’s you. You’re the only Australian that’s jumped on a dead whale being eaten by sharks lately. I love it.
People shouldn’t be climbing on top of dead whales with sharks around.

What’s next? Where do you go from here? Tightropes? Cliff diving? You know you need to add fire.
I’m not sure. This isn’t something I’m proud of, like I said.

You could set the world record for playing chess underwater in a shark cage, except all the chess pieces would be made out of McNuggets. There’s a shitload of money to be made here. You’re a star now, realize that. Do they have Wendy’s in Perth?
We have Wendy’s, yeah. Aren’t McNuggets a McDonald's thing? I don’t know, it’s not a proud time for me or my family.

You need to stop thinking about pride and start thinking about money. You jumped on a whale being eaten by sharks. You’re “it” now. Get your scuba suit on, get some fucking chicken McNuggets, get in a shark cage, and play some chess. This is your life now. Be smart. It’s automatic money.
I see what you’re saying, but I have to go now. Thanks.

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This clip, god damn; I suspect many of us have been there. Well, I know I HAVE BEEN there, at least once (ahem). I remember having this much trouble walking home the final night Moe was open; I had to follow the cracks in the sidewalk in order not to fall over. OOF! But, it was the '90s, I was so much younger then!

The soundtrack, "I'm Coming Home in the Morning," is by the mighty Lou Pride.

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Shogo Ota made three terrific posters for this show, all featuring some kind of mash-up of old comic panels, collage, and drawings. See more at tiremanstudio.com.

Click here to leave a comment!

This McDonald's-produced video is making the rounds today. In it, a supposed McRib "skeptic" learns that nothing but the most wholesome food goes into McRibs. Or something like that:

So here's the arc of the video: A man retweets a photograph of a frozen McRib patty and basically calls it disgusting. So McDonald's employees show him how they grind pork into a patty and freeze it so it looks exactly like the disgusting frozen patty he was mocking on Twitter, but he decides for some reason that it doesn't look as gross anymore. Then he eats it and thinks it's delicious. End of ad. (Notice nobody asks about the ingredients of the barbecue sauce the pork patty is slathered in, or what the bun is made out of.)

I just don't understand what the point of this video is. McDonald's is actively trying to debunk the worst rumors about their food, which is a maneuver that, to me, reeks of desperation. (People have been making stuff up about McDonald's for decades now. But suddenly, now that McDonald's is financially hurting, they decide to address all these rumors.) Does transparency, seeing where the food comes from, make anyone hungry? The whole farm-to-table trend involves the myth of transparency, but it's really more about storytelling; people want to hear about the chicken's good life, but they want the narrator to skip over the chicken's death. And if McDonald's really wants to be transparent, why didn't this video start at the slaughterhouse?

I'm not a vegan. Hell, I'm not even a vegetarian. But this kind of selective honesty is, to me, worse than institutional silence. A McDonald's that wants to be my buddy is somehow even worse than a McDonald's that wants to shove its sludge down my throat until I die.

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Remember last year, when the A+ excellent folks at Seattle Skin and Laser (partnered with the donations of both SLOG readers and a guy with two pentagrams on his forehead) helped a young lady named Ashley get rid of a really, REALLY AWFUL tattoo? Well, let's do it again! Bring forth your Christian fish, your blurry unicorns, and every single one of your Tasmanian devils! Welcome to The Stranger's Second Annual Worst Tattoo Contest 2014.

The winner wins A FREE REMOVAL of their most terrible ink!!!

Here's how it works: e-mail a photo and short description of your ugly tattoo to worsttattoo@thestranger.com by next Wednesday, November 12. I'll post the best, I mean, THE WORST photo entries with an official poll, and YOU, SLOG, will vote for the winner. Rules and restrictions below.

Who DOESN'T want to get rid of their crappy tattoo? Nobody, THAT's who!

Contest Rules, Restrictions, and Fine Print:
• Winner will receive a free removal of their tattoo
• Winner will need an in-person complimentary consultation prior to starting treatment
• New patients only
• No all-white or black-light tattoos
• Good for a single tattoo, 4 x 4 inches or smaller
• Tattoos less than 6 weeks old may need time to heal prior to treatment
• Sun exposure may delay treatment start

About SSL:

Seattle Skin and Laser has been the Northwest leader in tattoo removal since 2008. Led by board certified dermatologist Kean Lawlor, MD, Seattle Skin and Laser provides a range of medical, cosmetic and surgical services. Dr. Lawlor is also a founding partner of BlinkTattooRemoval.com, a group of affiliate physicians committed to using only the safest, most state-of-the-art technology in a medical facility. Seattle Skin and Laser recently acquired the most powerful laser on the market for tattoo removal, the PicoSure.

About the PicoSure Laser:

PicoSure is the world’s first safe and effective picosecond aesthetic laser. This breakthrough in laser technology delivers ultra-short pulse bursts of energy to the skin in trillionths of a second. The Picosecond pulse width is 100 times shorter than nanosecond technology, enabling unmatched photomechanical impact for better clearance with fewer treatments. Clinical studies show greater clearance with about 50% fewer treatments than traditional nanosecond lasers. Even dark, stubborn blue and green inks, as well as previously-treated tattoos can be removed. Seattle Skin and Laser offers complimentary tattoo consultations to existing and new patients interested in this new technology. We can also fade (for a new tattoo placement) or remove parts of a tattoo as well.

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Who shucked the shells that stalled Bertha's rescue? It's looking like settlers, not Native Americans, according to the Seattle Times. And these shells appear to be from Olympia oysters, a now-rare type that was apparently very popular in early Seattle's saloons. A final determination on the shells' origins will help decide just how long this particular delay lasts.

Women lead police to another alleged Seattle groper: "Two weeks after a Seattle woman's cellphone photo led to a charge against a man accused of groping her, police say a group of women helped chase down a man accused of groping multiple women in downtown Seattle," reports KOMO. More at the SPD Blotter.

Another 3,000 jobs cut at Microsoft: These are close to the last of the layoffs that CEO Satya Nadella announced earlier this year, says GeekWire.

The latest Washington Poll is out: Matt Baretto, the pollster, says: "Overall the poll finds very strong support for Initiative 594 regarding background checks for gun purchases and very strong support for Initiative 1351 which would require fewer students per classroom. Both initiatives have broad support statewide and appear on their way to being passed. In contrast, Initiative 591 has far less support, 41.7 percent saying they will vote yes and 38.8 percent saying they will vote no."

Microsoft is doing more to help Republicans in the Washington State Legislature: "Microsoft, typically an even-handed contributor to Democrats and Republicans at the state level, has contributed at least $50,000 more to the GOP effort in this year's state legislative elections than to the Democrats—roughly $80,000 to $27,000—according to PDC records," reports Publicola. "It's also worth noting that in the instances that the tech titan has contributed to one of the contested races that may decide control of the state senate, they've contributed solely to the Republican candidate over the Democrat."

Another plan to stem homelessness in Seattle: This one comes from council member Sally Bagshaw, and is called "Streets to Shelter."

Three new lion cubs at the Woodland Park Zoo: The cubs, reports MyBallard, "were born to 5-year-old mother Adia and 7-year-old father Xerxes."

Defying Ebola quarantine in Maine: Kaci Hickox, a nurse recently back from Sierra Leone, went out for a bike ride and was trailed by a police car.

US economic output up: By 3.5 percent in the third quarter, which was more than was expected.

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Weed is most often consumed in a joint, pipe, or bong. Those methods involve smoke inhalation and have inherent health risks. Combustion of any plant material releases toxic compounds and irritants, and marijuana is no exception. In fact, smoking an unfiltered joint deposits more tar in the lungs than an equal amount of tobacco.

Vaporizers are able to circumvent these risks by gently heating marijuana to a thermal sweet spot that releases active compounds without creating smoke. This is achieved by hitting temperatures above the boiling point of cannabinoids like THC, but below the combustion point of the plant. The result is an aromatic vapor resembling steam that theoretically contains the compounds you want without the toxic by-products normally found in smoke...

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Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips is extremely fond of Miley Cyrus. The two got together to record a couple Beatles songs for the Flaming Lips' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band tribute album, titled With a Little Help from My Fwends, out October 28. Let's not forget Moby, though. Because Moby's in there with Miley and the Flaming Lips on "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." Miley stars as this tribute album's girl with kaleidoscope eyes. Fwends' roll call also includes a My Morning Jacket/J Mascis combo. Then there's Tegan and Sara, Foxygen, Phantogram, Tool's Maynard Keenan, and Ben Goldwasser from MGMT making appearances as well. The Flaming Lips and friends take these Beatles songs for a psycho ride full of twists and sonic foraging. All proceeds from the album go to the Bella Foundation, which assists low-income pet owners in Oklahoma City. Wayne Coyne spoke from his car. He was driving around Oklahoma City.

How did you decide Sgt. Pepper's was the album to do?

Last New Year's Eve, the Flaming Lips played two nights. On the second night, we did a John Lennon/Beatles set. "Lucy in the Sky" stood out and stuck with us. When we were able to get this day in the studio with Miley Cyrus, we did four or five things with her. One of them was "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." Miley is fucking cool and crazy...

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MONDAY, OCTOBER 27 This week of dissolved cults, charitable failures, and endless family horror kicked off with a relatively lighthearted story out of Houston, where a man was shot in the face after trying to grab a gun held by his baby. Details come from the Houston Press, which reports the scene went down this past Saturday, when 20-year-old Patrick Sanders was taking a nap on his living-room couch, with his trusty handgun stashed in his pocket. After the gun slid out of the sleeping man’s pants, “[t]he man awoke to find it in the hands of the three-month-old boy,” as police wrote in their report. “Sanders apparently tried to grab the gun from the infant, which caused the gun to fire. Sanders was shot in the face.” The gun-toting baby was uninjured, Sanders was hospitalized in critical condition, Houston police are investigating.

>>Meanwhile in Seattle, tonight brought a horrible scene to the Rainier View neighborhood, where a 78-year-old man fatally shot his daughter and preteen granddaughter before killing himself. “911 calltakers received a call at 8:17 p.m. from a 10-year-old boy—the killer’s grandson—reporting a shooting inside the house,” reports Seattlepi.com. “[Police] arrived to find the 39-year-old woman and her 11-year-old daughter dead, as well as the elderly gunman.” Some good news: The 10-year-old boy escaped unharmed and is being cared for by extended family. Still, if there’s anything sadder than a 78-year-old man en route to suicide taking a detour to kill his 11-year-old granddaughter, write it on a note card, affix it to a bottle of tequila, and mail it to Last Days, c/o The Stranger, 1535 11th Ave, Third Floor, Seattle, WA, 98122.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28 Speaking of family bloodshed, the week continued in New York, with the seasonal story of the Halloween prank that is not a prank but is instead a bloody crime scene. Today’s scene: the street in front of an apartment building on Long Island, where neighbors reported seeing what they first thought was a Halloween stunt: a decapitated body, lying a few feet away from its head. It was no stunt: “The woman has been tentatively identified as Patricia Ward, a 66-year-old assistant professor at Farmingdale State College on Long Island,” reports CNN. “She was decapitated shortly before 8 p.m. Tuesday by Derek Ward, 35, with a kitchen knife in the second-floor apartment they shared…Less than a half hour after his mother’s body was found, Derek Ward apparently jumped in front of a Long Island Rail Road train heading east from Penn Station in Manhattan and was killed, police said.” In a statement obtained by CNN, a Farmdale College spokesperson described Patricia Ward as “well-known, well-liked and well-respected. The campus is a very sad place today.” Worth repeating annually forever: If you’re planning a murder-suicide, do the suicide part first.

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Jennifer, 31 Years Old

Why did you start growing pot? Because I think that it can help people. I've smoked pot my whole life. I think that it's a positive thing.

Is it your full-time job? No. I work in the beer industry. I like hops, which is a cousin of marijuana, so I feel like there might be a theme there. I like plants!

Do you have a green card? No. And I will never have one.

Why never? I don't want my name on a list. It's a private thing, and it's my choice to smoke weed. I don't want people to judge me on that.

What's changed since I-502 passed? Now that it's gone legal, I hear people talking about weed more. It's everywhere. People talk about it, people smoke it—people you wouldn't think even smoked...

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David Pierre-Louis, owner of Lucid cocktail lounge in the U District, has been trying to get his own brand of spiced vodka, Dicül, trademarked since November 2013. But he’s been thwarted by Diageo, a London-based multinational company that is “the world’s largest producer of spirits,” according to Wikipedia. The gist of the problem is that the Diageo company Dickel, a Tennessee-based whiskey manufacturer, thinks the name "Dicül" is too similar to its brand.

“I’ve been consulting with my attorneys, trying to find a happy medium in regards to what they are allowing us what to do with our business,” Pierre-Louis says. “[The case is] stagnating just a little bit, but it’s costing me money just to continue fighting it. The mark’s completely different. Diageo really doesn’t have a leg to stand on, but they have the financial means to keep pushing me and try to smoke me out of the situation.”

It seems like Diageo is underestimating people’s ability to distinguish between two different kinds of drinks. “Sure,” Pierre-Louis concurs. “Mine is a spiced vodka and theirs is a whiskey. Mine is brown—I mean, it’s an infusion, but the labeling, the vision behind it, Dicül, the name of my lounge spelled backward” are all different. “At the moment, I’m in the midst of transferring distillers, switching from my old distiller in Woodinville. As I’m trying to decide who to go with, I need to be extra careful with that because it puts whoever I’m working with in a position where it makes it difficult for them to take me on as a private label.”

Diageo and Dicül have been going back and forth on this issue for almost a year. Pierre-Louis says that Diageo wants him to cease production. “We’ve requested that they submit their point of discovery—why they think we’re a threat to their brand.” He's been mulling over a name change, too, because mounting attorney fees have become burdensome. “I’m thinking about fighting this on my own," Pierre-Louis says, "based on the principle that it’s a completely different brand, a completely different product. It’s pronounced completely different. Dicül has an umlaut on the ‘u.’ It’s a completely different name.

“This is another example of a big corporation trying to smoke small people out,” Pierre-Louis continues. (See Bethany Jean Clement's recent post on Our/Seattle Vodka for a similar scenario.) “It’s the 1 percent trying to control and dominate the industry in regards to craft. It makes it difficult for us to do what we’re doing when somebody’s always trying to bully you.”

The last time Pierre-Louis heard from Diageo’s attorney was last week. “We’re waiting to hear back with regard to what their point of discovery was so we can make our response to them.”

I’ve contacted Dickel about this matter and will update the post if/when they respond.

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JMG:

At an In-N-Out Burger in California, a man carrying a bible had been holding the door open for customers all day. Because reasons. When the staff declined to thank him for this strange behavior, the man had a screaming meltdown that was caught on a customer's cell phone.

Jesus is Lord and fuck this country?

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Who the fuck calls in a bomb threat at GeekGirlCon? Have you seen the kind of people who go to GeekGirlCon? There are little girls in pink tutus and superhero masks, babies dressed as Doctor Who villains, and an Introvert Alley—yes, an entire room for people who do not like crowds and loud noises. It's that kind of place. Or it was, until some mouth-breather threatened to blow it all up rather than let someone speak about her YouTube videos. Who does that? The patient old people that serve as the Convention Center staff had to check our bags for guns. The hashtag filled with spammy, angry tweets, nonsensical but filled with hate. It was bullshit. I can't wait to go back next year, just to show those twisted assholes that they can't win. They've already lost.

—Anonymous

Click here to leave a comment!

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Errr, rather, write a haiku about the feelings you have for THE FANS of the Seattle Seahawks. Here are some samples, to get your poetry-brain fired up:

Football what the fuck?
It's just a big waste of time
12th man is a sham

Give each team a ball:
They won't have to fight over
one - everyone wins!

hawks hawks hawks hawks hawks
hawks hawks hawks hawks hawks hawks hawks
hawks hawks hawks hawks (pukes)

Write yours, right here >>>

Name: Ryan

Where: Bastille and Rumba

Buy Him A Shot Of: Fernet

Ask Him To Make You A: Tiki drink. “I like lighting stuff on fire,” Ryan says.

What He’s Doing When He’s Not At The Bar: “I’m usually going to bar or playing music with my band. We’re called Sailor Mouth and we’re mastering our new record right now. It’s kind of bittersweet. Unfortunately our producer passed away last week. His name was Ikey Owens. He was awesome, a very great guy, so this album is going to be a tribute to him.”

Words To Live By: “Own what you order.”

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MONDAY, OCTOBER 20 As all cognizant humans with internet connections are aware, we are living through a season of ridiculous strife, including but not limited to: the spread of Ebola, fresh U.S. military actions in the Middle East coupled with morally reprehensible failures toward veterans back home, endless gun violence (including an unofficial open season on unarmed African-Americans), and brawling wads of drunken Palins. So it is with pleasure that Last Days commences this week’s column with the legitimately good news that Sleater-Kinney—the best American punk band ever to exist, which released a series of six exceptional albums from 1996 to 2005 before going on official hiatus in 2006—is getting back together, and they’re bringing cures for Ebola, gun violence, political strife, and drunken Palins with them! Just kidding, but for real: The return of Sleater-Kinney can only be seen as cause for celebration, and Last Days will be carefully making sure we don’t die before January 20, when the band’s new album, No Cities to Love, is released on Sub Pop. The album is available for pre-order now, and here’s hoping the forthcoming months of adulatory press combine with co-guitarist/co-singer Carrie Brownstein’s Portlandia popularity to create a world in which Sleater-Kinney has an album at the top of the Billboard charts. In the meantime, those as-yet unfamiliar with the music of Sleater-Kinney should go to their preferred online music vendors and download an introductory sampler of the songs “One More Hour,” “Burn, Don’t Freeze!,” “Ironclad,” “Sympathy,” “What’s Mine Is Yours,” and “Good Things.”

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21 In worse news, the week continued with ISIS, the Islamic militant group responsible for those horrific beheading videos, which today branched out from beheadings by posting a video online showing an allegedly adulterous young Syrian woman being stoned to death by a group of men that includes her father. “As a cleric rants and accuses her of adultery, the woman begs for forgiveness from her father, who is too busy tying a rope around her neck to hear her desperate pleas,” reports the New York Post, whose Leonard Greene watched the video. “When he finally acknowledges her, it is to tell her not to call him Father...As she crouches in the pit, the veiled woman can be heard praying as she is pummeled with rocks until she is still.” As the Post reports, the five-minute video—found on ISIS-affiliated social media sites—is believed to have been filmed in the city of Hama, and reportedly features a cleric telling the young woman she should be “content and happy” as her stoning comes at the behest of God. So there’s that.

KEEP READING>>

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Ben Popper at the Verge says Amazon's third-quarter earnings results are in, and they're not very good. Amazon announced an "operating loss of $544 million," which Popper says is more than 20 times the loss at this time last year. (It's not all bad news. Amazon's revenues climbed to $20.84 billion, which is up 20 percent over last year.)

Re/Code's Jason Del Rey reports that much of that loss—$170 million!—is a writedown from Amazon's Fire Phone, which can now safely be labeled a disaster. The Fire Phone represents a rare high-profile misstep for Jeff Bezos, who seemed eager to tie his public image to the phone when it launched in June.

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Seattle Restaurant Week—the two-week "week" that comes twice a year—is baaaaack, and it's bigger than ever. This week and next week, from Sunday through Thursday, 170-plus restaurants offer set-menu, three-course dinners for $30 (and some $15 lunches).

I'm not the biggest fan of Seattle Restaurant Week—generally, it's like getting dessert free, and not getting to choose from the whole menu. But I live to serve! So when asked on Twitter, I looked through the very long list of participating restaurants and came up with these best bets:

For @aliluhrs: best @SeattleRW bets! @kisakusushi @mktseattle @monsoonNW @OchoBallard @poppyseattle @ORigoletto @RouxRestaurant @ShanikRest

— Bethany Jean Clement (@BJeanClement) October 20, 2014

Here's a little more info on the places above: Kisaku, Mkt., Monsoon, Ocho, Poppy, Roux, and Shanik. Rigoletto is brand-new, so that one's a bit of a wild card, but the chef's work at his South Lake Union bakery La Toscanella seems great, and the space in an old brick laundry building with an enormous smokestack is intriguing.

Also, Rigoletto looks expensive, and it makes sense to try expensive places you're curious about at the Seattle Restaurant Week discount. If, for instance, you've always wanted at Six Seven at the Edgewater, just because its dining room is pretty much floating on Puget Sound, Seattle Restaurant Week will save you some money.

But don't forget happy hour! Almost every place has one now, and if $30 represents a real splurge, you'll probably get more for your money by going a little early and sitting in the bar. (Six Seven's bar is Soundside, too—go right when happy hour starts to get the best seats.) Scope out places' regular menus and happy hour menus online—and some will even list their Seattle Restaurant Week menus, so you can do some math and see how much you will (or won't) save, depending on how much you want dessert.

Then there's the drinks—that's where these restaurant promos try to get you. Have a beer, house wine if they have it, or the lowest-price wine by the glass—it's unlikely that it'll be swill at these kind of places. If you're going with a friend and you'd both like to have a couple glasses of wine, get a cheap bottle; you'll save a few dollars. (If they have a cava or another low-priced bubbly by the bottle, get that and feel celebratory and special with your silvery ice bucket.)

Finally, and this is important: If you go, tip well—these things are hell for servers. (And if you don't get around to Seattle Restaurant Week, note that the similar Dine Around Seattle starts November 2 and goes for a full month.)

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Expecting an eviction from their makeshift location within the next 24 hours, members and supporters of Ravenna's Tent City 3 today were gearing up for a protest camp-out at Westlake Park and a march on City Hall tomorrow. But the camp has received a last-minute reprieve from Mayor Ed Murray, who has been criticized for presiding over an increasing rate of evictions of homeless people sleeping in public places and for opposing the full legalization of encampments.

"At this time, the City is willing to suspend the notice to vacate on October 22nd," writes Deputy Mayor Hyeok Kim in a letter to the tent city organizers obtained by The Stranger. "But we need assurances from you that efforts to find a safe, sponsored, more permanent site to relocate to are being undertaken."

"Notice to Vacate" signs had been posted in the area last Friday, leaving camp residents scrambling to organize a response.

Two weekends ago, the Ravenna homeless camp moved to a grassy area off of Interstate 5 on 8th Ave. NE and NE 64th St, after its arrangement with Haller Lake United Methodist Church expired. One camp organizer told me they asked thirty churches to host the encampment temporarily until a sanctioned move to Seattle Pacific University scheduled for mid-January, but they couldn't find any.

The camp is home to about sixty people, according to homeless advocate Scott Morrow.

Deputy Mayor Kim's letter calls for a meeting this week between SHARE/WHEEL, the tent city organizers, the City, Haller Lake United Methodist Church, United We Stand, and SPU in order to draw up a relocation plan for November and December—one that "avoid[s] the use of public lands or city-controlled property."

I've reached out to SHARE/WHEEL but haven't heard back just yet. The mayor's office is also halting, for now, an eviction scheduled for tomorrow of a homeless camp on The Ave in the U-District that's attracted a lot of attention. That camp has been sheltering a family with a small child.

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Single Shot is now open on the west slope of Capitol Hill, on Summit next to Top Pot, and the narrow, shotgun-style space looks great. It's where photographer Spike Mafford's studio used to be (you may know his evocative work from the walls of the two Mezcaleria Oaxacas and La Carta). His friend Rory McCormick, of Re:public, is running it; the chef is James Sherrill, formerly of Re:public, Crush, and Restaurant Zoe. Adam Fream is managing the bar; he's worked at Bathtub Gin, the Zig Zag, and, most recently, Elysian Bar (which he left along with five-sixths of the original bar staff, including Murray Stenson, not too long ago). Rounding out the all-star cast is Guy Kugel, formerly of the excellent Altura, in charge of wine and service.

Single Shot's namesake is an oversized wooden replica of a single-shot shotgun above the bar. Beyond that, there is a marble-topped bar, a large gilt-framed mirror, some very cool light fixtures, a row of tables, a tidy-looking semi-open kitchen, and not much else, which is a relief. With a name like Single Shot and a gigantic wood shotgun as its inspiration, the place could've easily taken the form of 8oz. Burger Bar's Old West mania; instead, it's contemporary and airy. The seasonal, worldly menu (see it after the jump) includes pizza and flatbread ($12–$14) cooked in a stone oven; mussels with black rice, uni, pork belly, and fennel ($16); and just two entrées (striped bass and a pork chop at the moment, $15–$30).

Single Shot makes a civilized first spot for a Summit mini-bar crawl. Afterward, you'd go to quasi-tiki Sun Liquor two doors down (which also happens to have excellent cocktails), then slosh onward to beloved dive hangout the Summit (two more doors down, pool table, lots of beer on tap).

Single Shot opens at 5 p.m. every day.

Here's Single Shot's food and cocktail menu, below and over here. (They also say: "Single Shot will accommodate all dietary restrictions without ridicule whenever possible.")

EAT
BITES

Pork Ciccioli — Olive Mustarda, Pistachio, Baguette — 8

Raw Radishes — Seaweed Cream Butter, Caviar, Macrina Baguette — 8

Pub Cheese — Fuji Apple, Apple Cider Reduction, Brioche — 7

FUITES & VEGETABLES

Marinated Beets & Chicken Liver Mousse — Pumpkin Seeds, Berbere Spice, Crostini — 15

Asian Pear & Belgian Endive — Olive Tapenade, Crushed Almonds, Yogurt Vinaigrette — 11

Lobster Mushroom & Veal Sweetbread Ragout — Quince, Vanilla Scented Parsnip, Szechuan Peppercorn — 18

Hearth Roasted Cauliflower — Romesco Sauce, Kohlrabi, Hazelnut Vinaigrette — 10

FLOUR & GRAIN

Pizza Margherita — San Marzano Tomato, Buffalo Mozzarella, Basil — 12

Tuscan Kale Flatbread — Caramelized Onion, Ligurian Olive, Gruyere — 14

Black Rice & Black Mussels — Uni, Crisp Pork Belly, Fennel — 17

FISH & MEAT

Striped Bass — Fingerling Potato, Confit Shallots, Green Chermoula — 15/30

Pork Chop — Spaghetti Squash, Brussel Sprouts, Pomegranate Glaze — 26

CREAM & SUGAR

Bosc Pear Gallette — Creme Fraiche Ice Cream, Mint — 9

Toasted Honey Pot De Creme — Sesame Tuille, Juniper, Chantilly Cream — 7

Pernod & Chocolate Chip Ice Cream — 6

3 Cheeses With Accompaniments — M.P.

COCKTAILS

Pendennis Club — 9
Gin, Apricot Brandy, Lime, Peychauds

Bayonette — 9
Tequila, Iced Tea, Lemon, Allspice Dram, Chocolate Bitters

Percussion Cap — 11
Rye, Fernet Jelenik, Cointreau, Angostura

Sactuary — 10
Dubbonnet, Lemon, Giffard Triple Sec, China China

Osiris — 9
Becherovka, Lemon, Sparkling Wine, Lavender Bitters

Raymond Earl — 9
Bourbon, Grapefruit, Giffard Vanilla, Mint

Castro — 9
Aged Rum, Lime, Angostura, Allspice Dram, Laphroaig

Black Lily — 11
Fernet Branca, Cointreau, Lime

Damascus — 10
Scotch, East India Sherry, Cocchi Americano, Orange Bitters

Northern Cornice — 10
Grey Goose, Cointreau, Dolin Blanc, Lime, Cardamom Bitters

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Pronto Cycle Share launched today in Seattle at 1 p.m., right around the time of a burst of sunshine over Capitol Hill. If you're not hip already to bicycle share, well, here's the lowdown:

The Numbers: 500 green/blue bikes spread across 50 stations through Seattle.

The Neighborhoods: The stations are in downtown, Capitol Hill, South Lake Union, and the U-District. (Mayor Murray has earmarked $600,000 in his budget proposal for expansion to the Central District, Yesler Terrace and Little Saigon next year.) Here's a map.

The Point: Bicycle share isn't meant to be a replacement for an actual bike or a full-day bike rental. Rather, the system's been designed for you to check out a bicycle and use it for 30 minutes or less to get to another station, where you'll check it back in. It's meant to offer a new transportation option for a growing city—and be accessible to folks who don't think of themselves as urban cyclists—in tandem with a build-out of more bicycle infrastructure.

The Price: $85 for an annual membership, $8 for a day pass, and $16 for a three-day pass. "You’ll get unlimited 30-minute trips for the duration of your membership or pass," Pronto says.

Overtime Fees: If you take a bike for 60 to 90 minutes instead of 30, you'll be charged an extra $7; more 8 hours means a $77 fine; more than 24 hours means they'll assume the bike's missing and charge you $1,200, according to KING 5.

Does It Work? Yeah, sure seems like it! The Stranger test kitchen will be examining the bikes later this week, but for now, despite some reports of niggling issues on social media (fobs that require a couple swipes before activating, for example, or helmets that feel too small), the feedback has been positive! Pronto director Holly Houser says things are going smoothly and there have been 314 rides in the first day.

This afternoon, at the station pictured above, a tiny mob of excited-looking college students gathered around and began studying the station map on top of the helmet bin. They don't own bicycles, a few of them told me, and plan on making use of the system to get around. "Okay, @CyclePronto is my favorite thing ever. Ran to the library, store, and tooled around the neighborhood in less than 30 minutes," tweets Ryan Packer. Perfect.

Is There a Smartphone App? For Android and iOs, yes, it's called Spotcycle.

What About Helmets? Seattle's mandatory helmet law is, in all likelihood, going to make it harder for bicycle share to succeed over the long-term, or at least to recoup its startup costs, and that's too bad. For now, Pronto is offering helmets for free in bins at each station and trusting that users will return the used ones to a separate section within the bin.

Put the fun between your legs! WOOOT. And let us know in the comments how it's going.

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