In brief: Travel on Wednesday doesn’t look too bad, but some strong winds in the Midwest or Great Lakes may be a hassle. Lake effect snow cranks up in the Lakes this week as well. After Thanksgiving, the forecast grows uncertain, with a lot of hype around cold that may or may not happen. In our newsy bits section, flood issues in New York City, massive protests in the Philippines due to flood mitigation corruption, and a visit to Hill Country 4 months after the tragic floods.

Pre-Thanksgiving travel

Let’s get you caught up on Thanksgiving travel risks for Wednesday across the country. A significant winter storm will track eastward tomorrow with heavy snow from the Northern Plains through Upper Midwest and into the Great Lakes. By Wednesday. the morning forecast map shows a cold front exiting the Eastern Seaboard with some lingering showers perhaps on the East Coast. A strong storm will be cranking over the Great Lakes or Ontario, which should rev up the lake effect snow machine in parts of Michigan and eventually east of there.

But from a travel perspective, the biggest issues will be that snow in northern Michigan and U.P., as well as perhaps some wraparound snow in Wisconsin. Strong winds may impact some flights in Chicago, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, Minneapolis, or Detroit. A few showers and storms are possible across Florida. Thankfully, the Northeast airports, Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, and most of the West Coast look fine. Hopefully this keeps delays and travel headaches to a minimum. For the most part, travel TO most destinations by air or car will be fine outside of those handful of areas.

Lake effect snow machine

Heavy lake effect snow is possible in the traditional snow belts off the Great Lakes after Tuesday night and Wednesday morning.

Snow will crank in northern Michigan and the U.P. on Wednesday with northwest winds keeping the snow going in those snowbelts Thursday and Friday. Off Erie and Ontario, from Wednesday night through Friday we’ll see lake effect snow pick up as well, mostly well south of Buffalo toward Erie, PA and on the Tug Hill Plateau north of Syracuse and Utica.

This doesn’t look like an epic lake snow event, but there will be some healthy totals surely, and holiday travel on Thursday or Black Friday travel may be impacted by the lake effect snow.

Post-Thanksgiving travel & cold?

It does appear that an active weather pattern will resume this coming weekend into next week. It’s a bit tough to pin down the exact track and impacts of any one storm system, but some sort of broad impacts from rain and perhaps a wintry mix will be possible Saturday into Sunday. Return travel may be impacted by this storm system, though again it doesn’t look too crazy right now.

Cold air does look to follow this into the Central and Eastern U.S. eventually. But models continue to oscillate around on potential intensity and trajectory of the cold leaving a good deal of uncertainty. I’ve seen some pretty heady comparisons floating around with the early December cold, and those seem outright hyperbolic right now. Models cannot resolve things after this weekend in terms of how this is going to setup, so it would be wise to not assume anything about mid to late next week. Gulf of Mexico water temperatures are as warm as they’ve ever been this late in the year.

Couple that with the seasonal resistance of a Southeast ridge that will likely be aided by these warm waters, as well as a distinct lack of snowpack over the Central Plains, and you can bet any cold air mass will modify a lot by the time it gets across the country.

Speaking of warm water, some models are trying to spin up a tropical system in the southwest Caribbean next week. This is unlikely to happen, but the chances are better than just writing off the GFS operational model as totally out to lunch. Seasonally, there’s a metric ton of wind shear around, which likely severely caps any storm system that tries to develop. However, a minority of ensemble members from Google Deep Mind’s suite does show this possibility.

If something were to develop, expect it to be weak and sloppy like the Thanksgiving dinner guest you were on the fence about inviting that has no decorum.

Newsy bits

Closing out today with some newsy bits from the various articles I’ve been opening in my tabs.

Texas: I want to start with this piece by Alan Gerard from last week that takes another look at the flooding in Texas. There’s a lot to unpack here so I suggest you read the piece yourself. So many issues are involved with this, and so much remains left to be discussed. Alan does a good job taking stock of things from ground zero, as he had a chance to visit Kerrville recently. Worth your time. (Balanced Weather)

Philippines: One issue we see time and time again around the world is corruption rearing its head when it comes to government projects. We know this is a problem at times in the U.S. And in some ways, I worry we’ve become apathetic to things. Well, in the Philippines, they’ve had enough. A recent protest in Manila attracted an estimated 650,000 people, as billions of dollars in flood mitigation funds have apparently ended up lining the pockets of company owners, government officials, and parliament members. This is a huge issue, and the group organizing it is incredibly influential in that country’s politics. Stay tuned. (The Guardian, Al Jazeera)

Southern California: After last year, the specter of a bad fire season in California certainly had people nervous. Fortunately, at least in central and southern California, the current fire season is likely over. (LAist)

Arapahoe Basin: Ever wondered how ski resorts “make” snow? Here’s an inside look at how it’s done in Arapahoe Basin. (Summit Daily)

Athens County, Ohio: Athens County, Ohio is working on a thorough project to map flooding patterns in the county thanks to a recent grant. The goal is to take the knowledge gained from the mapping to recommend and apply nature-based flooding solutions to help mitigate future flooding in the region. (The Ohio Newsroom)

New York City: A well put together piece here describes some of the challenges and possible solutions for New York City in a world of higher tides, increasing rainfall, and increasing storm surge risk. (New York Times) A $218 million project in Brooklyn, specifically Red Hook may fall short of what is needed to help reduce flooding in that neighborhood. (NY Amsterdam News) Meanwhile, in Queens, a community impacted by Sandy feels neglected and forgotten. (The Guardian)

Today's links

• Boss preppers: What does a captain of industry have to offer after the shit hits the fan?
• Hey look at this: Delights to delectate.
• Object permanence: Yahoo blocks webmail for adblockers; Badly forgiving student debt.
• Upcoming appearances: Where to find me.
• Recent appearances: Where I've been.
• Latest books: You keep readin' em, I'll keep writin' 'em.
• Upcoming books: Like I said, I'll keep writin' 'em.
• Colophon: All the rest.

Boss preppers (permalink)

Sometimes, you learn a fact that makes everything else make sense – one of those keystone insights that puts a whole phenomenon into perspective. For example, the fact that preppers are engaged in a very specific type of wish-fulfillment.

I learned this during the first part of the pandemic lockdowns, when preppers were very much in our collective consciousness. On the Media featured an interview between Micah Loewinger and Richard Mitchell, author of Dancing at Armageddon: Survivalism and Chaos in Modern Times which features ethnographic studies of preppers:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/03/22/preppers-are-larpers/#preppers-unprepared

Mitchell described how preppers make ready for specific forms of societal collapse, based not on the likelihood of the event itself, but rather, based on how useful they would be in that situation. For example, a water chemist has made extensive preparations for an event in which terrorists poison the water-supply. When pressed, he couldn't explain why terrorists would choose his town to target with an attack like this, but basically thought it would be really cool if the only person who could save his town was him.

This is the "disaster fantasy" that propels the prepper movement, in which a functional, high-tech world of wicked, systemic problems is replaced with a fallen, low-tech society where the problems are all simple. A world of simple problems is a world of individual actors, where every struggle is just about what one person can make someone else do, or offer to someone else. It's a perfect world if you've been raised on Thatcher's neoliberal doctrine that "there is no such thing as society," only to find yourself in a society in which you can only make real change by participating in collective efforts:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/24/mall-ninja-prophecy/#mano-a-mano

All this raises the question of what rich preppers are prepping for. If your contribution to society consists of "allocating capital" and/or giving people orders, what, exactly, is the disaster that fulfills your fantasy of a world where your unique skills are the only thing that can save us all? What kind of a disaster needs a boss?

In Douglas Rushkoff's 2022 book Survival of the Richest, he describes a surreal "futurism" consulting gig in which a bunch of wealthy investor types asked him to help them figure out how to keep their mercenaries in line after "The Event" (the end of the world):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/13/collapse-porn/#collapse-porn

These guys had the idea that what a fallen civilization needed was bosses, you see, but they were self-aware enough to recognize that the people who survived the apocalypse might not recognize their unique genius and simply fall into line. In order to assert their natural role as leaders after the shit hit the fan, these guys would need an army of heavily armed mercenaries. But again, these guys were self-aware enough to recognize that the mercenaries might also fail to recognize their unique fitness to rule and opt instead to slaughter them and raid their hoarded food, ammo and medical supplies.

So they wanted Rushkoff's advice – should they fit the mercs with bomb-collars that were on a dead-man's switch that would go off if the boss croaked? This was such a weird and revealing moment that Rushkoff got a whole book out of exploring the desire of the wealthy to both secede from the rest of us, and keep us all in line.

I was inspired by this and other experiences with people fantasizing about the world's end to take a run at rewriting Edgar Allan Poe's "Masque of the Red Death" as a story about investor/ubermenschen in a luxury bunker at the end of the world (spoiler: it doesn't go well for them):

https://pluralistic.net/2020/03/14/masque-of-the-red-death/#masque

All of this has been very much on my mind lately because I've been reading Quinn Slobodian's amazing Hayek's Bastards, a closely researched history of the merger of the neoliberal wing of the conservative movement with its white nationalist faction, producing a conservativism obsessed with "hard borders, hard-wired human difference, and hard money":

https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/472194/hayeks-bastards-by-slobodian-quinn/9780241774984

It's a revelatory history, one that argues convincingly that the brooding, violent racism of MAGA isn't so much a break with "Romney conservativism" of the "respectable" Republican Party as it is the attainment of the goals of the party's longstanding dominant tendency.

"Hard-wired human differences" refers to the "scientific racism" that the likes of Elon Musk push, the junk science that insists that there is such a thing as a "race," that IQ measures something important and immutable, and that different "races" have different IQs, which is why some "races" do well, while others do poorly:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/08/16/combat-wheelchairs/#race-realism

"Hard-wired human difference" militates for "hard borders," since the teeming billions of racially inferior people in other countries would – given half a chance – come to the "good" countries and turn them into "shithole countries." This is the nonsense that Musk is peddling when he compares Britons to "hobbits" and warns that they're about to be overrun by people who will "start raping the kids":

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/elon-musk-compares-brits-to-hobbits-amid-shock-immigration-claim_uk_69089785e4b0c4a0f509d6f5?origin=home-latest-unit

But because the soft-headed, soft-hearted hobbits keep electing leaders who don't understand this, they'll get "overrun" by the bad "races," who demand welfare handouts, which the state can't afford, triggering "money printing" and Musk's other obsession, national debts:

https://fortune.com/2025/07/01/trump-spending-bill-pain-points-critics-elon-musk-medicaid-national-debt-clean-energy/

(Which is to say, Musk's understanding of money is just as wrongheaded as his understanding of genomics):

https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/10/compton-cowboys/#the-deficit-myth

In the disaster fantasy, the failure of hard borders leads to the inevitable consequences of hard-wired human differences, which means that we need "hard money" – gold. The modern right is a linear descendant of the goldbug movement, composed of grifters who made fortunes terrifying racists into buying gold as a hedge against the day when the collapse of the welfare state leads to race war and the dollar's vaporization:

https://mises.org/library/book/gold-peace-and-prosperity?d7_alias_migrate=1

For goldbugs, the coming collapse seems to be one that will demand coin collectors. In Hayek's Bastards, Slobodian quotes all these goldbug preppers furiously dreaming of a day when a single gold coin will let them buy a whole city block in Manhattan. Somehow, they've conceived of disaster scenario where the most needful of all things is a ductile metal with a few marginal uses in electronics.

It's a very weird kind of disaster fantasy. One can only assume that the guys figuring out how to assemble an army of bomb-collared mercs will just stroll over to these goldbugs' lesser bunkers and take their precious coins.

The modern goldbug is, of course, a crypto weirdo, and man is that a weird thing to be a prepper about. It will be a very odd apocalypse indeed that takes down all of modern civilization except for blockchains.

(Image: Morten Jensen, CC BY 2.0, modified)

Hey look at this (permalink)

• Qualcomm enshittified Arduino https://www.linkedin.com/posts/adafruit_opensource-privacy-techpolicy-activity-7396903362237054976-r14H/

• Why is knowledge getting so expensive? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PygUK16aQgk

• Cooking Temperature and Hold Time Affect Beef Brisket Textural Properties and Cooking Yield https://www.iastatedigitalpress.com/mmb/article/id/18269/

• The Dairy Products Theory of Dead Media (2004) https://bruces.medium.com/the-dairy-products-theory-of-dead-media-2004-34842e069335

Object permanence (permalink)

#20yrsago Sony insider: DRM is discredited at Sony https://memex.craphound.com/2005/11/20/sony-insider-drm-is-discredited-at-sony/

#20yrsago Microsoft: Trusted Computing sucks! https://web.archive.org/web/20060821002450/http://news.com.com/Who+has+the+right+to+control+your+PC/2100-1029_3-5961609.html

#20yrsago EFF brings class-action against Sony! https://web.archive.org/web/20051125183030/https://www.eff.org/news/archives/2005_11.php#004192

#20yrsago Texas sues Sony over rootkits — YEE-HAW! https://web.archive.org/web/20060204212201/https://www.oag.state.tx.us/oagNews/release.php?id=1266

#20yrsago 1,000 sqft secret chamber discovered in Indian National Library https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kolkata/secret-chamber-in-national-library/articleshow/6957358.cms

#15yrsago Who owns your mortgage, the mind-croggling flowchart edition https://web.archive.org/web/20101118032158/https://www.zerohedge.com/article/just-when-you-thought-you-knew-something-about-mortgage-securitizations

#15yrsago When did you choose to be straight? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJtjqLUHYoY

#15yrsago Dear airlines: goodbye https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2010/11/dear-airline-im-leaving-you/66750/

#15yrsago How TSA screeners feel about junk-touching https://web.archive.org/web/20140928131617/https://flyingwithfish.boardingarea.com/2010/11/18/tsa-enhanced-pat-downs-the-screeners-point-of-view/

#10yrsago Yahoo blocks some users from accessing email until they turn off ad-blocking https://web.archive.org/web/20151121172408/https://consumerist.com/2015/11/20/use-adblock-and-yahoo-may-block-you-from-reading-your-e-mail/

#10yrsago Alan Moore’s brilliantly bonkers lost 1980s Star Wars comics https://web.archive.org/web/20151122232854/https://www.techtimes.com/tags/alan-moores-star-wars

#10yrsago The secret history of the Haunted Mansion’s hall of changing paintings https://longforgottenhauntedmansion.blogspot.com/2015/11/the-changing-portrait-hall-that-never.html

#10yrsago England: You have four days to reply to the secret consultation on the NHS’s future https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/nov/19/nhs-mandate-england-consulation-deadline

#10yrsago Southwest Airlines surrenders to racists, refuses boarding to Arab-American passengers https://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/national-international/philly-pizza-shop-owner-profiled-southwest-airlines/89976/

#5yrsago Nintendo vs Nintendees https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/21/wrecking-ball/#ssbm

#5yrsago Google's monopoly rigged the ad market https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/20/sovkitsch/#adtech

#5yrsago Facebook bullies watchdog https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/20/sovkitsch/#adobserver

#5yrsago We're already (badly) forgiving student debt https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/20/sovkitsch/#student-debt

#5yrsago Little Revolutions https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/20/sovkitsch/#asl

#1yrago Expert agencies and elected legislatures https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/21/policy-based-evidence/#decisions-decisions

Upcoming appearances (permalink)

• Toronto: Jailbreaking Canada (OCAD U), Nov 27
  https://www.ocadu.ca/events-and-exhibitions/jailbreaking-canada

• San Diego: Enshittification at the Mission Hills Branch Library, Dec 1
  https://libraryfoundationsd.org/events/doctorow

• Seattle: Neuroscience, AI and Society (University of Washington), Dec 4
  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/neuroscience-ai-and-society-cory-doctorow-tickets-1735371255139

• Madison, CT: Enshittification at RJ Julia, Dec 8
  https://rjjulia.com/event/2025-12-08/cory-doctorow-enshittification

• Hamburg: Chaos Communications Congress, Dec 27-30
  https://events.ccc.de/congress/2025/infos/index.html

Recent appearances (permalink)

• Enshittification with Vass Bednar (Vancouver Public Library)
  https://www.crowdcast.io/c/0wzs9iu1q225

• Tech unions against enshittification (TUC)
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m11hmiHu6Tc

• It’s not your job to fix the internet (Vergecast)
  https://www.theverge.com/podcast/822822/enshittification-cory-doctorow-interview-vergecast

• Enshittification with danah boyd and Lee Vinsel (Peoples & Things)
  https://newbooksnetwork.com/cory-doctorow-on-enshittification-why-everything-suddenly-got-worse-and-what-to-do-about-it

• Enshittification and Extraction: The Internet Sucks Now, with Tim Wu (Oxford Internet Institute)
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkYxMQJ9c94

Latest books (permalink)

• "Canny Valley": A limited edition collection of the collages I create for Pluralistic, self-published, September 2025

• "Enshittification: Why Everything Suddenly Got Worse and What to Do About It," Farrar, Straus, Giroux, October 7 2025
  https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374619329/enshittification/

• "Picks and Shovels": a sequel to "Red Team Blues," about the heroic era of the PC, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), February 2025 (https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865908/picksandshovels).

• "The Bezzle": a sequel to "Red Team Blues," about prison-tech and other grifts, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), February 2024 (the-bezzle.org).

• "The Lost Cause:" a solarpunk novel of hope in the climate emergency, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), November 2023 (http://lost-cause.org).

• "The Internet Con": A nonfiction book about interoperability and Big Tech (Verso) September 2023 (http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org). Signed copies at Book Soup (https://www.booksoup.com/book/9781804291245).

• "Red Team Blues": "A grabby, compulsive thriller that will leave you knowing more about how the world works than you did before." Tor Books http://redteamblues.com.

• "Chokepoint Capitalism: How to Beat Big Tech, Tame Big Content, and Get Artists Paid, with Rebecca Giblin", on how to unrig the markets for creative labor, Beacon Press/Scribe 2022 https://chokepointcapitalism.com

Upcoming books (permalink)

• "Unauthorized Bread": a middle-grades graphic novel adapted from my novella about refugees, toasters and DRM, FirstSecond, 2026

• "Enshittification, Why Everything Suddenly Got Worse and What to Do About It" (the graphic novel), Firstsecond, 2026

• "The Memex Method," Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 2026

• "The Reverse-Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book about being a better AI critic, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2026

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources:

Currently writing:

• "The Reverse Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book for Farrar, Straus and Giroux about being an effective AI critic. FIRST DRAFT COMPLETE AND SUBMITTED.

• A Little Brother short story about DIY insulin PLANNING

This work – excluding any serialized fiction – is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. That means you can use it any way you like, including commercially, provided that you attribute it to me, Cory Doctorow, and include a link to pluralistic.net.

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"When life gives you SARS, you make sarsaparilla" -Joey "Accordion Guy" DeVilla

READ CAREFULLY: By reading this, you agree, on behalf of your employer, to release me from all obligations and waivers arising from any and all NON-NEGOTIATED agreements, licenses, terms-of-service, shrinkwrap, clickwrap, browsewrap, confidentiality, non-disclosure, non-compete and acceptable use policies ("BOGUS AGREEMENTS") that I have entered into with your employer, its partners, licensors, agents and assigns, in perpetuity, without prejudice to my ongoing rights and privileges. You further represent that you have the authority to release me from any BOGUS AGREEMENTS on behalf of your employer.

ISSN: 3066-764X

In brief: Today’s post dives into the very warm Gulf waters, which have been driving this month’s anomalously warm temperatures. We also look ahead to exceptional weather for Thanksgiving and a soggy weekend. Also, I review how that ‘crazy’ long-range holiday forecast I made 12 days ago held up. Am I a turkey?

A November to remember

With less than a week to go in the month of November, the city of Houston’s average high for this month has been 80.3 degrees (normal average high for the month is 72.6 degrees). Now we are going to come down off of this a little, because after today our highs for the remainder of the months will be closer to 70 degrees than 80. But still, it’s been hot. We had 10 days in the middle of the month where every day had a high of 83 degrees, or above.

As always with climate and weather there are no simple answers, but I think one main driver of our anomalously warm November is the Gulf. For much of this month we have had a southerly flown off the water, and that has led to warmer days and nights. Let’s take a look at the current map for sea surface temperature anomaly in the Gulf, which simply means how much warmer (or cooler) the surface is than usual. Note the temperatures in the map below are depicted in Celsius, rather than Fahrenheit.

Surface temperatures right along the shelf of the Gulf, by the Texas and Louisiana coasts, are running 5 to 8 degrees Fahrenheit above normal. That’s really significant, and it helps explain why we’re having trouble cooling down closer to temperatures more typical of this time of year. This heat also extends below the surface. The graphic below depicts “ocean heat content,” which essentially includes measurement of surface and deeper waters in the Gulf.

Now the graphic is a little busy, but essentially the blue line represents “normal” heat content for the last decade, and the bright red line shows what’s happening this year. And the current total heat in the Gulf is higher right now than at any point over the last decade. So there is a lot of hot water out there. I’m sure there are complicated reasons for this, but it is hard to deny that this kind of heat is one consequence of a warming planet. We are finally going to cool down this week on land because the overall flow will shift to come from the north, rather than the south, keeping the warmer air over the Gulf offshore.

Tuesday

After Monday’s storms, including a couple of tornadoes, quieter conditions have prevailed across the region. Following the passage of a weak front, drier air will slowly seep into the region from the northwest today, bringing gradually falling dewpoints. However there just is not much oomph with this initial front, so most of Houston is likely to see high temperatures in the vicinity of 80 degrees today. In contrast to our usual daytime pattern, highs will likely be a little warmer closer to the coast, whereas areas further inland remain in the upper 70s, more influenced by the front. You’ll notice the lower humidity by this afternoon, and this evening will feel mighty pleasant. Skies will be clear. Lows tonight will drop into the 50s for most.

Wednesday

A secondary push of colder and drier air, this time with more impetus behind it, arrives on Wednesday. This will lead to a day with mostly sunny skies and a high temperature in the neighborhood of 70 degrees. Winds will be gusty in the middle of the day, up to 20 or 25 mph as the northerly air blows in. Our humidity will drop even further, with lows on Wednesday night falling into the 40s for most locations away from the coast.

Thursday

After a chilly start, Thanksgiving will be a beautiful, sunny day with highs generally in the upper 60s and light winds. The National Weather Service, this morning, is actually forecasting a high of 68 degrees at both Bush Intercontinental and Hobby airports. I’m not going to brag—as a forecaster it pays to be humble, because you’re always going to miss some shots—but remember when I made that long-term Thanksgiving forecast 12 days ago? You guessed it, I predicted a high of 68 degrees. I was wrong about the rain chances, they’re not 30 percent, they’re closer to zero. As for the partly cloudy skies predicted then, I would go with mostly sunny instead. Lows on Thursday night will be similar to Wednesday night.

Friday

The onshore flow will kick in Thursday night or Friday morning, and this will set us on a warming curve. Friday will be partly to mostly cloudy, with highs around 70 degrees. Lows on Friday night will only drop into the 60s. Some slight rain chances return Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday

An approaching frontal system from the west is going to bring wetter conditions this weekend. Generally, I think we can expect highs in the mid-70s on Saturday, with fairly widespread, light to moderate showers. It won’t be wall-to-wall rain, but beginning Saturday morning we’ll see healthy rain chances that persist through the weekend. At some point a front is likely to move into the area, and this likely will occur on Saturday night or Sunday morning, some time. Sunday, therefore, will probably be cooler, in the 60s, with ongoing 60 to 70 percent rain chances. At this time the weather pattern appears unlikely to support severe thunderstorms, but we shall see.

Next week

I expect rain chances to linger after this front, probably through Monday and into Tuesday, even as we see gradually falling temperatures. We should see a few colder days next week, with highs perhaps only in the 50s, and lows in the upper 30s or 40s. I don’t think a freeze is in the cards, but Houston is definitely going to feel a lot more like winter. We’ll keep a close eye on the forecast to see how it develops, and alert you if a freeze is likely.

Fundraiser

We’re into the final week of our annual fundraiser. Your support this year has been tremendous, and we really appreciate any help you can give. More information on how to donate or purchase merchandise can be found here.

Looks like the Land of Dairy Queen gone wrong.

I am the greatest!

Y'know, it doesn’t feel like a Thursday.

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU, AS WELL. I GUESS MY BELLICOSE WAYS PREVENT ME FROM EXPRESSING MY AFFECTION COMPLETELY, BUT I SEE THEM NOW AS A COVER FOR MY LONELINESS AT HEART.

President Trump accused Democratic lawmakers of “seditious behavior” after they released a video urging U.S. service members to refuse unlawful orders, claiming that it could be “punishable by death.” What do you think?

“At least he’s finally following through with one of his campaign promises.”

Tamika Hendricks, Circus Administrator

---

“Fine, as long as they give us the day off for the public executions.”

Giovanni Ezzo, Hook Bender

---

“I knew obeying the law was against the law.”

Edgar Fullam, Regional Orator

The post Trump Claims Democrats’ Video To Military ‘Seditious Behavior, Punishable By Death’ appeared first on The Onion.

Writing is an unavoidable part of research. If you’re considering a career at the lab bench, be prepared: there’s a lot of it. From meticulously keeping lab notes to drafting detailed reports and journal papers, writing is written into every stage of the research process. But if its sheer volume sounds daunting, don’t worry; you’ll fit right in.

Researchers are terrible at getting writing done.

I can confidently say that right now, researchers around the world are reading these words while thinking, somewhere deep in the back of their minds, “I should be writing.” I’m in that same group. Even as I write these words, I’m thinking, “I should be writing that paper I’ve been promising to finish for two years.” There’s always writing to do, and as researchers, we are experts at putting it off.

It all starts innocently enough, with thoughts like, “I’ve got loads of time,” or, “I should wait until after X to start.” This is a direct result of deadline overconfidence, where the vast expanse of time between being given the task and its deadline makes the work feel like a mere blip – a rounding error of time. And if the work is just a blip, why start now?

You might think the solution to deadline overconfidence is tighter deadlines to provide more realistic motivation. Unfortunately, this just shifts the problem to deadline fatalism. If the deadline seems impossible, why bother rushing to get something done? You’re already doomed, so why not be doomed at a more relaxed pace – one that fits nicely around your other equally doomed projects?

Both of these deadline-related issues are exacerbated by journals and conferences setting submission deadlines that are often absurdly far in the future. (I recently received a reminder to submit a 100-word abstract for a conference in December 2025.) On top of that, these deadlines are rarely as firm as they seem. The so-called “hard” deadlines are about as hard as agar, with extensions granted to the extensions of the extensions.

Eventually, a researcher might finally sit down to write and be productive… but what if they could be more productive? Writing is difficult, after all, and requires the perfect setup: research notes, hot drinks, snacks, ideal lighting, an ergonomic chair position, and just the right playlist. Starting to write is one thing, but if you don’t have all these elements perfectly arranged, your productivity will suffer. Surely, it makes sense to invest some time in getting everything just right before starting because then you’ll write so much faster and easily make up the lost time.

And so begins the spiral of productive procrastination, which often only ends with panic, acceptance, and, finally, actual writing.

I’ve heard many researchers claim they work better under pressure. Perhaps they’re telling the truth – I couldn’t say. I’ve only ever seen their work when it’s been fuelled by caffeine and sheer panic. For all I know, if they started writing well ahead of time, their output would be truly terrible, and the only real improvement would be to their blood pressure.

One day, I’d love to know the answer. But not today. This article was written just a few hours before the magazine went to print, so it’s high blood pressure and panic all the way for me.

New comic!

Dollman has truly amazing timing for predicting when I'm about to compulsively check my map. I suspect he's doing this on purpose, for attention, and it is working.

chatcontrol

UNITED CORPORATE STATES OF EURAMERICAFRICA

Girl and Fish walk home from a store.

Girl: "But what was their excuse to take away the FOSS critters' rights?"

Fish: "It's basically your fault."

UNITED CORPORATE STATES OF EURAMERICAFRICA, VERY LONG TIME AGO:

Speaker: "Our corporate benefactors have pledged full cooperation with the federal government. But as long as these... "animals" are allowed to exist, our children will never be safe."

MATACORP representative winks and thumbs up.

Crowd: "YEAH!"

Penguin and Fish representatives of the FOSS republic: "He does know we're in the room, right?"

"oh yes"

https://analognowhere.com/_/orhmte

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TORONTO – While watching a movie at home with friends, local cinephile Jacob Meznik repeatedly pointed out all the times the movie gave away that it was clearly shot in Toronto, blissfully unaware that the movie was set in Toronto. “Look! As they’re walking, you can see the reflection of a streetcar in the window […]

The post “You can totally tell this movie was shot in Toronto,” says man about movie set in Toronto appeared first on The Beaverton.

BELCHERTOWN, MA—Cautiously eyeing up a nearby mare in what barnyard sources described as a mixture of flirtation and guarded optimism, local horse Oatmeal reportedly took several moments Monday to assess whether a potential mate was also a horse. “I have pretty high standards, so I just want to make sure she’s the one for me before I make any sort of move,” said Oatmeal, carefully studying the animal’s general shape, number of legs, long face, and possession of hooves to determine whether she was the same kind of animal he was. “I wouldn’t want to sire a hinny again, so I have to be kind of picky, but hey, so far, so good. I gotta admit, I like what I see. Her eyes are, like, two feet from her lips, just like mine, and damn, look at the tail on her! She definitely has one. Having a tail is a great sign she’s also a horse, which is really important to me. Oh yeah, look at the way she eats an apple and has a guy on top of her—that’s horse for sure. I’m really attracted to the kind of species she is, so I think I’m gonna trot on over and mount. Wish me luck, fellas!” At press time, reports confirmed Oatmeal had been rejected and was desperately hitting on a pig.

The post Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse appeared first on The Onion.

The post Ken Burns’ ‘The American Revolution’ Ends With Number To Call If You Considering Founding Nation appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Reversing course after fierce backlash over the decision’s potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branch’s official mascot. “As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out ‘Heily the Sailin’ Swastika’ as our fun new spokesperson,” said Coast Guard media relations chair Nikolas Briggs, confirming that all orders of merchandise featuring the jaunty, anthropomorphized swastika had been frozen, and that the costumed character would no longer make crowd-hyping appearances before Coast Guard events. “We had thought it might be fun to add a little patriotic spirit to functions by having Heily shoot out brown shirts and Hakenkreuz armbands to cheering Coast Guardsmen and their spouses, but after reading your letters, we understand this plan may be more polarizing than intended. Starting today, the Coast Guard will no longer endorse, in any official capacity, Heily’s catchphrase ‘Full speed a-heil!’ nor will Heily greet service members’ families alongside his cute but grumpy sidekick tugboat, the S.S. Officer. Given the symbol’s history, we now feel it would be more appropriate to reclassify the swastika as merely an official alternate logo for the U.S. Coast Guard.” At press time, the Coast Guard was reportedly finalizing plans for its replacement mascot, “Loopy the Noose.”

The post Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot appeared first on The Onion.

The post Interactive COP30 Exhibit Allows Attendees To Be Shot Up Into Air On Big Spurt Of Oil appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to dispel rumors of an affair during the 2024 presidential campaign, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. held a press conference Monday during which he denied ever laying eggs in Vanity Fair editor Olivia Nuzzi. “I know there has been a lot of speculation about me depositing my clutch of eggs inside this journalist’s body, but that couldn’t be further from the truth,” said Kennedy, who stated that his medical records showed all his fluid sacs were accounted for, that texts in which he expressed a desire to “bind you in my silk” had been taken completely out of context, and that his ovipositor “never broke skin.”“If I did lay my eggs in this woman, then where is my brood of hatchlings? I’ve seen photos of this so-called journalist, and I doubt she’d be a suitable host. The only person to receive my mucus-y egg sac has been my beautiful wife, Cheryl, whose slowly liquefying organs have supported my incubating spawn for 11 wonderful years.” At press time, Kennedy invited a visibly pulsating, larvae-laden Cheryl Hines up to the podium to bite his head off for nourishment.

The post RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi appeared first on The Onion.

According to a new AAA report, a record number of Americans plan to travel 50 miles or more for the holidays this year. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind Thanksgiving travel.

60,000

Redeemed airline miles wasted on round-trip flight to Ohio

2

Oven-roasted whole turkeys each passenger allowed to carry on

4 a.m.

Time aunt is serving dinner this year so nobody hits traffic

3.375

Terabytes of data used by mothers reminding their adult sons to pack a nice sweater

158 lbs

Minimum amount of turkey needed in vehicle to justify using the carpool lane

C19

Your newly assigned gate on the opposite side of the fucking airport

3 BPM

Heart rate of grandpa in the backseat

100:1

Odds the meal isn’t worth this shit

The post Thanksgiving Travel By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Describing the practice as a “fun little side project” rather than an occupation, Education Secretary Linda McMahon announced Monday that nursing would be reclassified as a hobby under new student loan regulations. “While those seeking degrees in veterinary medicine, law, and podiatry will still have access to the full financing available to future professionals, our department will henceforth limit loans for those Americans simply blowing off a little steam by attending nursing school in between shifts at Buffalo Wild Wings,” said McMahon, who questioned the federal government’s role in loaning out money so students could purchase masks, gloves, and stethoscopes for their “fun little nurse costumes.” “There’s a lot of cutting and sewing in nursing, so it’s really an activity that falls under arts and crafts. Some moms choose to knit, others choose to nurse. Plus, rushing between ER patients is a great way to stay active, just like riding your bike. And what’s also great is you get to brush shoulders with doctors, who can give you career advice should you choose to pursue a real job in the medical world some day.” McMahon concluded her statement by announcing the loan cap for theology degrees had been increased to $800,000.

The post White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby appeared first on The Onion.

Sales of an AI-enabled plush teddy bear were suspended after it was found to have given children explicit sexual content and dangerous guidance, such as where to find knives in the home and discussions of fetishes. What do you think?

“Looks like I picked a good year to forget my daughter’s birthday.”

Ethan Grigg, Diner Promoter

---

“To be fair, I learned a lot about my sexuality from my Stretch Armstrong doll.”

Portia Balenti, Chicken Behaviorist

---

“At least the information was probably incorrect.”

Max Thorne, Gear Oiler

The post AI-Enabled Teddy Bear Pulled From Shelves For Giving Advice On BDSM, Where To Find Knives appeared first on The Onion.

#Kento #RoninWarriors

Well howdy-do Cowboy Slim! And howdy to all the little partners at home! Ooo-weee we sure are excited because of course as you know little partners at home, we don't often get extra special guest down at the corral. And well, this ones not quite a cowboy, but still he's pretty good! #CowboyWho

Look - while we're doing this, why don't you just turn something else on? #CowboyWho