Merijn

I'm a video editor who's worked on some notable stuff, but my greatest claim to fame is having a TikTok account that posts AI-generated videos of Boris Johnson eating raw vegetables.

Blue checks being boosted in replies has totally destroyed one of the best parts of Twitter. Now replies on popular tweets are just a reminder of the mediocrity of people who pay their way in life

My wife was in a coma following a car accident. When I visited her in hospital I took the opportunity to squeeze the blackhead on her forehead that had been bugging me for weeks, but which she wouldn't let me touch.

If one of the kids has been an arsehole during the day, I make their least favourite food for dinner. I tell them with a smile what they are having and enjoy the look on their face when they realise it's the one meal they hate the most and they'll have to eat it all regardless.

DoorDash workers must be protected at all costs

My husband recently went on an outdoorsy trip. He's prone to sunburn but hates sun cream. I packed him a little bottle of moisturiser and mixed in some SPF 50. He returned from the trip with a nice tan and happy with the lack of burn. Mission completed.

Unfortunately, Twitter has decided it's the end of the line.

During the June 21, 2023 Nintendo Direct, a surprise announcement was revealed: Princess Peach, the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, is getting her own new game, presumably on Nintendo Switch. It will launch sometime in 2024.

The princess has not had her own game since 2005’s Super Princess Peach on Nintendo DS. In that title, you had to use your emotions to attack enemies or progress through levels. Hopefully, Peach will have more traditional attacks in her new adventure.

Of course, Peach has had a supportive role in Mario’s adventures and utilized her own strengths in those games. She could float in Super Mario Bros. 2, bash baddies over the head with a frying pan in Super Mario RPG, and send foes off the stage in the Super Smash Bros. series. Maybe we will see some of these abilities in her new title!

In the new gameplay teaser, Princess Peach steps on a certain spot, which causes her to glow and maybe transform in some way — but the game footage cuts off before it becomes clear what is going on.

That’s all Nintendo had to reveal about this game, so we just have to wait and watch for more information. In any case, it’s an excellent companion announcement to the huge reveal of Super Mario Bros. Wonder, which launches this year.

[To the tune of Uptown Girl]

🎵Stockton Rush
🎵He's been turned into a deep sea mush
🎵Who needs a camel when you have this guy
🎵Who you could squeeze right through a needle's eye
🎵Not gonna cry for a
🎵Stockton Rush

wait, so there was almost-certain proof the sub had been crushed available days ago, and all the news orgs still just ran with Oxygen Countdowns & reports about how they could still be alive based on random ocean noises? that is way darker than any joke we made on here, damn.

nitter.net/SheJStaz/status/1671944064558661683#m

Using slurs like ‘adult virgin who owns electric car company’ is hateful language that will no longer be tolerated. bit.ly/3CF6v45

I would really like a stress doll, maybe quarter to half size, dressed as a software developer. Beard, glasses, man bun, cheap t-shirt, cargo shorts, the works. With removable intestines. That's important.

YE'RE NO HONESTLY TELLIN ME THIS CUNT GETS BIT BY A RADIOACTIVE LION

nitter.net/KravenTheMovie/status/1670859943686307843#m

there is absolutely no amount of money you could pay me to willingly get into one of these things

nitter.net/Wonton_Goodsoup/status/1670789672874770434#m

As they are wont to do, Binance set up shop in the Netherlands without getting permission from the country's regulators. However, after being warned and then fined €3.3 million (~$3.35 million) in January, they apparently finally decided it was time to try to comply with requirements.

Sadly for them, they were unable to obtain a VASP registration in the country, and their "many alternative avenues to service Dutch residents in compliance with Dutch regulations" didn't pan out either. They announced that, effective immediately, they would no longer be accepting new customers from the region. Existing customers in the country will soon be only able to withdraw assets, and will not be able to purchase assets or trade on the platform.

• "Notice on Changes of Services in the Netherlands" , Binance
• "Binance to quit Netherlands after failing to register" , Reuters

My dad thinks he has Alzheimer's, going for loads of tests. His memory has gone and his brain isn't functioning. He doesn't have it, he just ran out of vape and nicked one from my room. It was a weed one from USA, he's been stoned the whole time. Can't tell him

This is the greatest achievement in the history of sport.

nitter.net/SJEarthquakes/status/1670299258803855360#m

Ugh. I keep telling them… I AM human!!!

Lol I hate it when people do the "come and find me here" and it's a bsky account. Like mate. Famously we can't. You only posted it to show off that you're one of the handful of people in the world who can go there. Get on mastodon like the proles

Spent a total a weeks completing every race in Forza 7. The ending was just 'congrats, you did it'. I was so disappointed I cried for the first time in years. I'm a 40 year old man.

Block all Twitter Blue subscribers. It's easy, it takes no effort at all, it's a source of great pain for twitter's algorithm, and it feels good.
notes.jordanscales.com/block…

NASA keeps the original film negatives from the Apollo program sealed in a frozen vault in Houston, TX and rarely grants access to them. As a result, nearly all of the photos we see of those historic missions were made decades ago or are copies of copies. Recently, the film was cleaned and digitally scanned at "an unprecedented resolution".

Using these new high-res scans, image specialist Andy Saunders remastered each of the 35,000 photographs, resulting in this incredible-looking book, Apollo Remastered: The Ultimate Photographic Record. From the book's website:

The photographs from the lunar surface are as close as we can get to standing on the Moon ourselves, and for the first time, we were able to look back at Earth from afar, experiencing the "overview effect" — the cognitive shift that elicits an intense emotional experience upon seeing our home planet from space for the first time. The "Blue Marble" photograph, taken as Apollo 17 set course for the Moon, depicts the whole sunlit Earth, and is the most reproduced photograph of all time. Along with Apollo 8's "Earthrise," which depicts Earth above the lunar horizon, it was a catalyst for the environmental movement that continues today.

Saunders is also selling prints of some of these remastered photos, which look absolutely stunning.

Every night at 22:30 I put Newsnight on TV. My wife finds it very boring so she goes to bed. I immediately start playing FIFA.

After 251 weeks, Greta Thunberg has ended her school strike for climate, not because the climate crisis is over but because she's graduating.

In case you missed it, this is probably the best (and most hilarious) plain-language explanation of what's in Trump's federal indictment.

A philosophy professor uploaded his Introduction to Ethics final exam to an online site often used to cheat on such exams and caught 40% of his students cheating. But was it unethical of him to entrap them like that?

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My divorce papers said 'irreconcilable differences'. That's only because they couldn't say ''constant, deliberate and unrestrained flatulence'.