Jesmy13

(386): I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks.

Today, I was at Starbucks getting my usual morning coffee. When the barista asked me what name I wanted on the cup, I said 'Primrose Everdeen' for a laugh. When they called out my order, a stranger yelled, "I volunteer as tribute", walked up to the counter, took my coffee, and left. FML

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I noticed their 5-year-old son digging a hole in their garden, and so I went out to ask him what he was doing. He turned to face me, stared deeply at me, and said, "Digging your grave." I'm scared. FML

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML