IKEA Monkey

A casual observer of the Boards of Canada (BoC) numbers station mystery might be either vaguely amused or generally disinterested. BoC fans, on the other hand, are of a different breed. Like Pynchon fans, they've read everything about the Brothers Sandison, from their interest in mathematics and cults to their fondness for psychedelia and the Incredible String Band. The type of people who know that the reversed vocal sample on "1969," a track from 2002's Geogaddi (the duo's best album, in my opinion), is a reference to David Koresh's Branch Davidian rival, Amo Bishop Roden.

To Boards fans such as myself, the Willy Wonka-esque 12” vinyl popping up here and there on Record Store Day, and the online decryption and number theories that followed, all fit the Sandison mystique. BoC are having fun, and so are the fans. In the process they've stolen a bit of Daft Punk's viral thunder, forcing us to wonder, is this the biggest and weirdest musical rabbit hole ever created?

For those who need to be brought up to speed, here is the BoC numbers station project briefing.

On April 20, 2013, Record Store Day (and international 4/20 day), Reddit user lilcakey took a trip to Other Music in New York City. There he found a mysterious Boards of Canada 12” record with a 36-digit key on the cover. When he played the record, pretty music burst forth, followed by six numbers, 936557, spoken in a robotic voice. Lilcakey theorized, quite rightly, that the numbers were part of a larger Easter egg, encouraging fans to help find other records and decode the overall meaning. AtalantaFugiens, an acknowledged BoC account, confirmed that the record was legit. (In the days that followed, a record identical to lilcakey's showed up in Rough Trade East in London.)

On April 22, AtalantaFugiens annotated a video of a “Julie & Candy” soundboard recording with the phrase “ONE GOT FAT.” Popping up rather humorously at 4:20 in the kaleidoscopic video (the same used in BoC's 2001 ATP performance), it was a reference to the well-known “Everything You Do Is A Balloon” fan video, patched together from a bicycle safety film starring kids wearing monkey masks. The video included the blank 36-digit key, and was later altered to read “1977 snow computing amateur footage beards synthesizer.”

Shortly thereafter, the Boards of Canada YouTube account made this video its top favorite. In the video's comment section, YouTube user hellinterface (a known BoC side project) linked to a private video titled “nuevas semillas,” which features graphics from Little House On the Prairie (red herring?). This video in turn links to a fourth video (uploaded by YouTube user tarekeys) that contained the digits 717228.

A day later, the six-number code 519225 popped up in a message broadcast on Zane Lowe's BBC Radio 1. Later that day, another message, broadcast on NPR's All Songs Considered, revealed the number 699742.

In the early hours of April 26, Twoism messageboard user DaveJ noticed that one of the forum banners had been altered with a static-like overlay. Other users found that when the .gif file was opened in a text-editing program, it revealed links to two Soundcloud files, both titled “∑” (the summation symbol). Played together, the two files reveal the fifth code, 628315. And when the Soundcloud's WAV files were uploaded to a text-editor, they revealed coding language featuring “Cosech” (the Spanish word for “harvest”), leading to speculation that the album will be titled Cosech. Others believe it's merely the name of BoC's numbers station project.

Read the rest over at the new Motherboard.VICE.com. 

NBA player Jason Collins is the first active player in a major US sport to come out of the closet. He explains why in a piece for Sports Illustrated.

Loyalty to my team is the real reason I didn't come out sooner. When I signed a free-agent contract with Boston last July, I decided to commit myself to the Celtics and not let my personal life become a distraction. When I was traded to the Wizards, the political significance of coming out sunk in. I was ready to open up to the press, but I had to wait until the season was over.

A college classmate tried to persuade me to come out then and there. But I couldn't yet. My one small gesture of solidarity was to wear jersey number 98 with the Celtics and then the Wizards. The number has great significance to the gay community. One of the most notorious antigay hate crimes occurred in 1998. Matthew Shepard, a University of Wyoming student, was kidnapped, tortured and lashed to a prairie fence. He died five days after he was finally found. That same year the Trevor Project was founded. This amazing organization provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention to kids struggling with their sexual identity. Trust me, I know that struggle. I've struggled with some insane logic. When I put on my jersey I was making a statement to myself, my family and my friends.

The strain of hiding my sexuality became almost unbearable in March, when the U.S. Supreme Court heard arguments for and against same-sex marriage. Less then three miles from my apartment, nine jurists argued about my happiness and my future. Here was my chance to be heard, and I couldn't say a thing. I didn't want to answer questions and draw attention to myself. Not while I was still playing.

Tags: basketball   GLBT   Jason Collins   NBA   sports

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I am going to say this one more time, calmly: holy shit you guys, three legged alligators are terrorizing the Zurich Classic.

Regular gators, too, but STUMPY (!) is especially dangerous. He lost a leg at some point in his long, alligator life and is still not afraid to face down a guy in a golf cart head-on. If I am a golfer, the number one goal in my life should be “avoid alligators at all costs.” It’s even more important than golf.

I hope Sterling Archer isn’t watching this.

The announcer’s delivery of “that’s a real hazard right there” should win him a Golf Emmy, if those are a thing.

[h/t to Tony Blogs]

The post Holy Sh*t, Three Legged Alligators Are Terrorizing The Zurich Classic appeared first on With Leather.

We know what you guys are thinking, but we are not playing a joke on you.
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Now is probably not the time to be so selfish when eating shellfish: New numbers from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say food-borne illnesses related to eating raw shellfish are on the rise. And it’s not because such seafood is becoming less safe, it’s likely due to the fact that we can’t stop gobbling shellfish down in large quantities.

An increase in foodborne illnesses linked to eating raw shellfish of 43% in 2012 might make you reconsider chowing down at that all-you-can-eat oyster shack down by the shore this summer, notes MarketWatch. The CDC’s new report compared the 2012 numbers to a period between 2006 and 2008 to arrive at that 43% increase.

Eating raw shellfish might in fact be safer than it’s ever been, say industry experts, but Americans are just so demanding these days and apparently can’t stop gobbling down raw oysters and the like.

What’s worse, explains Bob Rheault, executive director of the East Coast Shellfish Growers Association, is that the people dropping oysters down their gullets by the dozen could be the same people who should be cooking them first instead — the older, white male set — due to weakened immune systems from chronic conditions like liver disease.

“Unfortunately a lot of our demographic is old white guys with liver failure,” Rheault tells MarketWatch. “They want their raw oysters and nobody’s going to tell them what to do.”

Another problem is that the most popular time to go to a raw bar or order up raw oysters is in the summertime, the very same season that makes it easier to get sick from shellfish. It’s harder to keep oysters cold in warm weather, creating a nice cozy environment for bacteria to grow… and grow, and grow: In 80-degree heat, infection-causing vibrio bacteria can double in less than an hour, Rheault says.

If you still want to get your oyster fix, there are a few things to know: Farmed oysters tend to be trendy right now, but they’re also among the safest and often have their pedigrees listed right on the menu. But if a restaurant or raw bar can’t explain immediately where the oysters originated from or how long they’ve been out of water, that’s a warning sign.

Checking out how restaurant staff shuck oysters and watching for wide variations in size or misshapen oysters that are gaping open is also a good idea. Those are things you won’t see in a fresh, pampered oyster.

Why eating oysters is making more sick [MarketWatch]

[Photograph: Nathan Lurz]

Every once and a rare while, you get the privilege of eating a food that makes you stop and make a simple observation: "Everyone else must be doing this wrong."

That is the experience one receives visiting Taste of Lebanon in Andersonville. Their simple menu belies the depth of flavor and texture packed into their food, something exemplified by the falafel with baba ghannouj wrap ($3.79).

Nothing fancy here, but the falafel had a crunchy crust that showed great technique rather than overcooking, and had a distinctly chickpea flavor. Every single bite of the wrap was filled with its goodness, with Taste of Lebanon not falling into the trap of skimping on the good stuff—three falafel does not a full wrap make.

And the baba ghannouj—oh, that baba ghannouj—was creamy, with a mildly sweet and savory flavor. A bit of tomato, lettuce, and parsley rounded out the well-priced wrap. A tip: Use the money saved to buy a bowl of lentil soup. You won't regret it.

Taste of Lebanon

1509 W Foster Ave, Chicago, IL 60640 (map)
773-334-1600

About the author: Nathan Lurz is an intern at Serious Eats Chicago. When he's not reviewing the occasional sammich, he spends his time trying to convince people to pay him to be a journalist, working at the non-partisan political news site Reboot Illinois, and being amazed he is a professional sandwich reviewer. Follow his wittiness on Twitter at @LurzBlurbz

Look at this colossal fucking piece of shit. Photo via Rex USA

Americans get stereotyped as stupid, but I think it’s unfair to call us ignorant, exactly—the problem is that we, as a nation, have a short memory. Sometimes this constant state of collective amnesia serves us well, allowing the country to move on from tragedy and put out of our minds the failures and injustices of the past, but sometimes it results in 47 percent of Americans saying that they approve of George W. Bush. That's according to a poll conducted by the Washington Post and ABC in advance of the opening of his new presidential library, which opened today and seems devoted to telling visitors, "Sure, Dubya started wars, condoned torture, dug the country deeper into debt, and watched as terrorists launched the most successful attack on US soil ever, but it was really, really hard to be president, you guys. Would you have done any better? Thought not, asshole." Even if that 47 percent number is too high, it's clear that a majority of Republicans still think he did a pretty good job.

That's a fucking disgrace, y'all.

I guess we have to issue a disclaimer: any look back on an ex-president’s record is going to be tinged with ideology and personal beliefs—conservatives really hate Woodrow Wilson, for reasons Glenn Beck can explain to you; liberals despise Ronald Reagan, who’s practically a saint in Republican circles. And parts of Dubya’s legacy are open for debate. You can have wonkish arguments over the pros and cons of Medicare Part D, the prescription-drug benefit he signed into law; you can scoff, as Ron Paul has, at Bush’s expansion of foreign aid or you can note how much good he did in Africa. But the big-ticket stuff, the important things he did and didn’t do when he was the most powerful elected official in the world, were all pretty much uniformly awful.

Start with the Bush tax cuts, which were enacted thanks to the GOP’s pathological hatred for taxes and the surplus the government was running at the time. They jacked up the deficit while mostly giving money back to rich people, but the real trick was setting them up to expire in 2010—when, the people pushing the cuts must have known, allowing them to do so would have been the same as raising taxes, which is political poison in America. (Sure enough, after a hideous fight on the edge of the “fiscal cliff,” most of the cuts are permanent.)

You could excuse the cuts if Bush was a “small-government conservative,” which is something that I’ve heard exists. Except along with the massive tax cuts, he also expanded government spending to an incredible degree: he created a whole new department to look after “homeland security,” enacted the test-centric reforms of No Child Left Behind—which increased federal oversight of schools and basically encouraged teachers to cheat or at least teach to the test—and, oh yeah, started a couple of wars, the most expensive government programs of all.

Even if you don’t blame Bush for 9/11 (either in a “his administration ignored clear warning signs” way or a “HOW DID STEEL MELT AT THAT TEMPERATURE? ALEX JONES ALEX JONES AELC JNE” way), you have to admit that the response to those terrorist attacks was horrendous. Dubya ordered the invasion of the wrong country. He started a war with Iraq based on bad intelligence that was subsequently bungled to the tune of $2.2 trillion and 190,000 lives, not to mention untold human misery inflicted on both Iraqis and US soldiers. Today, American officials and the Iraqis who were supposed to welcome our troops with rose petals or some such bullshit regard the reconstruction effort as an abject, expensive failure. Bush indirectly caused the destruction of hundreds of thousands of lives, and all for basically nothing—today Iraq is on the brink of civil war (again) and is an ally of Iran, one of the other nations on Bush’s “axis of evil” (which, by the way, he did very little about after the Iraq disaster.)

Then there’s torture. Fucking TORTURE. Bush let people under his command torture prisoners in attempts to gain information from them. His administration locked up “enemy combatants” indefinitely without charging them with crimes, because they didn’t think that the American justice system was capable of giving them justice—or that there wasn’t enough evidence to convict them of any crime. Do we need to say that no matter your reasons for depriving someone of his humanity, it’s an act of evil? I guess we fucking do, because this week Jennifer Rubin, in a Bush-praising Washington Post piece that’s awful even by her rock-bottom standards, excused “the dreaded enhanced interrogation” (what a fucking weasel-word term) on the grounds that it “contributed to our locating and assassinating Osama bin Laden,” while simultaneously praising Bush’s “clear moral compass.” Rubin goes on to mock Obama—who’s kept Guantanamo Bay open, where prisoners on hunger strikes are force-fed through tubes, and who’s expanded Bush’s use of deadly drones—for being “robotic,” in contrast to Bush’s “tender, tearful love for country” and “steely anger directed at our enemies.” Rubin’s main problem with Obama, apparently, is that he doesn’t have the right attitude as he orders people to be killed and imprisoned indefinitely without trial.

That nonsense about Bush being a patriot reminds me of how he supposedly won an election because Americans would rather have a beer with him than John Kerry. It brings back those memories of liberals turning his malapropisms and misstatements into books, and the more recent goofy obsession with his paintings, which resemble the kind of outsider art usually made by mentally handicapped men who also knit hideous sweaters for feral cats. All of those things point to him being likable, or at the very least, a goofball who's fun to laugh at, which is a far cry from what he actually is: a man responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of people and the weakening, in almost every imaginable way, of the country he was supposed to be running. If you need any evidence that democracy is a fatally flawed system that results in the election of smiling sociopaths who don’t care if they burn down the world in a fit of arrogance, just consider that George W. Bush got elected president, twice.

You can blame Vice President Dick Cheney and the other officials who were probably doing most of administration’s shitty, evil work, but that doesn’t let Dubya off the hook—his dumb, smirking, faux-Texan charisma allowed those people to run the country into the ground, and he did nothing to stop them if he disagreed. And if you think he’s keeping a low profile out of shame, read this interview with the Dallas News, in which he speaks in nothing but vague platitudes and brushes off criticism with a simple, “I’m comfortable with what I did… I’m comfortable with who I am.” That he’s able to keep a clear conscience about everything, that he claims to have no regrets after an eight-year presidency filled with wars and disasters and can spend his days mountain-biking and taking lucrative speaking engagements is maybe the most inexcusable thing of all.

Bush's library gives him a chance to tell "his side of the story" about his "controversial decisions," according to CBS, but CBS is an old-media organization that has to abide by certain rules about decorum and "objectivity." What the library will be is a monument to failure, excuses, and unearned arrogance—all the worst qualities of modern America that Dubya embodied while ruling the country. He had a chance to change the world in a real way and he made it demonstrably worse. Fuck him. The only way the people of the future will think fondly of Bush is if they forget everything he did.

@HCheadle

More on George W. Bush and the GOP:

Republicans Don't Have a Ton of Empathy for Strangers

George Bush and Tony Blair Are Officially War Criminals

The Silliest, Most Terrifying Things in the Republican Platform

Knowing that sometimes, all it takes is that one unexpected person to swoop into your life and give you $2 million, Zach Braff has turned to Kickstarter to finance Wish I Was Here, his directorial follow-up to Garden State. As he explains in his video appeal below, Braff just wants to make it okay to feel something again—namely the freedom from financers who demand things like input into casting or final cut or an actual return on their investment, when instead he could just seek out donors who will be happy just knowing he’s happy. Or, with receiving a “production diary” or PDF of the script, which are two of the lower-tier rewards one can receive.

Higher-level donors can do even bigger things like name one of the film's characters, attend a post-production screening where you can “help shape the final cut,” or even appear in the ...

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Given their shared preoccupation with kidnapping, family dysfunction and untimely death, it's sort of surprising that Lifetime and Megadeth don't share more fans. Can you tell the difference between the titles of Lifetime movies and Megadeth songs?

Headliners include: Robin Thicke, Robert Plant, Jill Scott and Neon Trees, plus previously announced Fun. [ more › ]

Does anyone actually think these things taste like banana??
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Ah, the humble pizza delivery guy — bringing hot cheese and sweet satisfaction to the door for Americans everywhere. But lest you think it’s a dead-end job or something for pimply teenagers just to make some extra cash, Domino’s would beg to differ. The company says about 90% of its franchise owners either started out as deliverymen or in similar entry level positions.

One franchise owner who started at 19 as a delivery guy 25 years ago now owns 18 of the chain’s franchises, reports CNNMoney. What started out as the kind of job where you’ve got nothing else to do has now become his life.

“I was 19, not in college and looking for money,” he said. “I worked my way up the Domino’s system. That’s the American dream.”

The company says about 4,500 of the chain’s U.S. locations are run by franchisees, while it operates about 400. For workers who want to go beyond rattling around in used cars and grabbing tips here and there, a Domino’s spokesman says managers are eligible for special training called franchise management after they’ve worked at the job for a year.

So keep the faith, pizza delivery people. You don’t have to be stuck on that route forever.

The Domino’s Pizza dream: Deliveryman to store owner [CNNMoney]

Here's a personal question: what's the weirdest "peanut butter and something" combo that you actually like? When I was a kid, I invented/discovered the peanut butter and cheese sandwich. Others thought it was gross. I thought it was savory and delicious. I moved on to peanut butter and honey after a few years, and that's where I've ended up. But recently, my fiancée has been trying to convince me that peanut butter and pickles is a tasty combo (not in sandwich form, just straight up peanut butter and pickles). I'm not so sure.

In this short video, Commander Chris Hadfield of the International Space Station shows us how to make a peanut butter and honey sandwich...in space. Some compromises have to be made -- crumby bread isn't allowed, and the peanut butter comes in a flat-packed squeeze tube. The honey is attached by velcro to a nearby surface. But he makes it work.

Okay, now let's get down to it: what's your go-to "peanut butter and something" concoction?

(Erin Turowski)

We’ve often wished we could ship reality TV stars out to space and never have to deal with their self-important squabbling and petty attempts at fame, but a new, somewhat odd proposition by a nonprofit organization could make that somewhat of a reality. The group of scientists and entrepreneurs at Mars One said it’s opened up the application process for a commercially sponsored one-way mission to Mars as part of a venture that will (sigh) also include a reality TV program.

Mars One (via NPR)  says anyone over 18 is eligible to become a Mars astronaut, as long as you don’t mind being part of a reality TV show in the process and paying a $38 application fee. Oh and then you’ll have to live the rest of your life in an inflatable habitat on another planet.

“If somebody’s an outdoors person who says, ‘I need my mountains, I need to smell the flowers,’ then it’s not the mission for him,” says Norbert Kraft, the group’s chief medical officer.

Selling the trip as a TV show is a novel idea, but one that the co-founder thinks will work to finance the mission’s $6 billion price tag.

Here’s how it’ll work: Applicants will be part of the contest online, with people who get the most likes on the site going on to the next round of selection. It’s worth noting there are already quite  few pages worth of potential colonists listed on the Mars One site.

Eventually, the process will be on TV, with participants duking it out in multiple countries and only one winning the prize of the one-way ticket in their respective nation. The final round will then be broadcast around the world, with six teams of four competing to go to space by 2023.

The whole thing will last years, something the co-founder sees as working in the plan’s favor as viewers grow to like different applicants.

“That’s why it will stay interesting for a very, very long time,” he says.

Just like the extent of your stay on Mars, should you win. It’ll last a very, very long time.

This One-Way Trip To Mars Is Brought To You By… [NPR]

I adopted Rascal from the local Humane Society, the one I volunteer at, when he was 10 weeks old. He and his 5 other litter mates came in on a Monday, and by Tuesday I fell in love with him. He was the runt of the litter and his older brothers would run over him on their way to me. I looked into his eyes and fell in love. Rascal is a Corgi mix, just not sure what other breed. He's only been here for 2 days and we already feel like he is the addition we've been looking for.

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From Serious Eats: New York

VIEW SLIDESHOW: Steakcraft: Steaks at Delmonico's, America's Oldest Fine Dining Restaurant

[Photographs: Nick Solares]

Steak Fact Sheet

Cuts: Porterhouse, Delmonico Cut, The "John Krupa" Three Pound Bone In Rib Steak
Grade: All USDA Prime
Aged:Porterhouse/Rib Steak dry-aged 28 days, Delmonico cut wet-aged 40 days.
Pre-Cooked Weight:Porterhouse 46 oz.; Delmonico 18-20 oz., Double Rib 48 oz.
Price: Porterhouse $95; Delmonico $46; Rib Steak $95
Price per Ounce: Porterhouse $2.06; Delmonico $2.30; Double Rib $1.97

Delmonico's is America's oldest fine dining restaurants and the home to some of the country's classic dishes. Lobster Newburg, Baked Alaska, and of course the Delmonico steak all emerged from the kitchen at 56 Beaver Street. Since opening in 1837, Delmonico's has seen a number of firsts. It was the first dining establishment to be called a "restaurant," the first restaurant with a separate wine list, and indeed the first one with a printed menu. It is also the restaurant with the first celebrity chef: Charles Ranhofer became Chef de Cusine in 1862 and went on to craft many of the dishes still found on the menu.

Chef William "Billy" Oliva runs the kitchen these days and continues the fine dining tradition. This classically trained chef is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America and has worked on both sides of the Atlantic under such luminaries as Sam Hazen and running his own Michelin Bib Gourmand-accredited restaurant in Ireland before taking over at Delmonico's.

Chef Billy Oliva

The dining room at Delmonico's has been recently refurbished in an attempt to match the luster of the original restaurant. Entering at the wedge end of the building reveals a deceptively large dining room which opens up like symphony hall.

The dining room.

The story of the Delmonico cut steak is somewhat murky. It is most often a boneless ribeye, and indeed that is what the menu at Delmonico's currently serves. But I have seen steaks from the loin—generally referred to as New York strips—and from the chuck also called a Delmonico. From his research, Chef Oliva believes that the Delmonico cut was simply the best cut available on a given night, so it could be have been one of several steaks.

Two Delmnico's creations: The Delmonico Cut Steak and Lobster Newburger

Chef Oliva took us through the most popular steaks on the menu—the Porterhouse, Double Rib for two, and the Delmonico cut ribeye. See them all in the slideshow.

Delmonico's

56 Beaver Street, New York, NY 10004 (map)
212-509-1144
delmonicosrestaurantgroup.com

Sure, some of us have already had the idea of sandwiching ice cream between two Pop-Tarts… Only we were too drunk and/or stoned to remember constructing one. But someone at Carl’s Jr., presumably sober, has officially presented the Pop-Tart Ice Cream Sandwich.

The Pop-Tart/ice cream concoction is currently being tested at least one location in Newport Beach, California. What’s to test? It’s Pop-Tarts and ice cream… You pass!

[via HuffPo]

Louis J. Freeh, a bankruptcy trustee for MF Global, sued former New Jersey Gov. and former MF Global CEO Jon Corzine and two other former executives of the firm, claiming they were "grossly negligent" in the days leading up to the firm's collapse.

The New York Times reports:

The lawsuit, which could help Mr. Freeh recover money for MF Global’s creditors, blamed Mr. Corzine for ramping up a risky bet on European debt. While the bonds were not by themselves to blame for the collapse of MF Global, the wager spooked the firm’s investors and ratings agencies, pushing it further into a tailspin.

“Corzine engaged in risky trading strategies that strained the company’s liquidity and could not be properly monitored by the company’s inadequate controls and procedures,” Mr. Freeh said.

“Defendants, in their capacities as officers, breached their fiduciary duties of care, loyalty, and oversight over the company, and failed to act in good faith,” Freeh wrote in the complaint.

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The French National Assembly is expected to approve a marriage equality bill Tuesday afternoon, making France the 14th country to legalize gay marriage.

But even with wide voting margins in the legislature and popular support among the public, opposition to the measure that would grant equal marriage and adoption rights to same-sex couples has intensified in recent weeks. Protests in Paris have turned violent, and gay couples have been the victims of vicious assaults.

As The New York Times reports:

At the margins, the demonstrations have also become more violent and homophobic, with a series of nightly demonstrations last week around Parliament that resulted in clashes with riot police officers and a number of arrests. Even opposition leaders have bemoaned the way harder-right groups have infiltrated the demonstrations, and there has been a small surge in violence against gay men and lesbians, with some beatings and angry, offensive words on social media.

Two weeks ago, a Dutch-born man walking with his partner in Paris was beaten up. The man, Wilfred de Bruijn, posted a photograph of his bloodied face on his Facebook page, calling it “the face of Homophobia.” It has been shared thousands of times. Last week, two gay bars, in Bordeaux and Lille, were attacked, and a same-sex couple was attacked Saturday in Nice outside a gay nightclub.

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What happens when you wring a washcloth out in zero gravity? Something cool.

Commander Hadfield is the best. I love when he casually lets go of the wireless mic and it just floats there right in front of his face. (thx, dusty)

Tags: gravity   science   space   video

People can’t lick their own eyeball — but some animals can, and we want in. Thankfully, Priscilla of Designer Lollipop has brought us Creature Eyes Lollipops. The lollies are available in your choice of six, and are cotton candy-flavored.

[available here, via Laughing Squid]

Please allow United States President George Washington “Linda” McMahon to usher you into the latest in our series of embarrassing pro wrestler 8×10 treasuries, now helpfully categorized as “This Week In Horrible-Looking People.”

If you’ve missed any of our previous galleries, be sure to check out the cheesy late-80s/early-90s WWF promo photos, the extremely 1990s photos of Extreme Championship Wrestling and parts 1 and 2 of our vintage WCW promo run. Believe it or not, there are still about a thousand embarrassing pictures of wrestlers that were printed into stacks of 8x10s with the intention of them being signed and handed to strangers. Wrestling is weird.

So for the first installment of our infinite new series, please enjoy 51 of my favorite random, amazing WWE promo photos from the 90s, 2000s and today. Warning: a veiny John Cena is inside.

In this photo, Sean Waltman is cosplaying King Kong Bundy. Either that, or he’s on a lot of drugs and thought this looked good. Probably both.

Adam Bomb shows off his totally real “Adam Bomb” tattoo. If you put him in a bow tie, this would be the exact same photo.

Photographer: “Hey Brock, pretend you’re buttf**king an imaginary lady.”

Al Snow, who somehow turned his “I’m carrying a head because head means blowjob” gimmick into a popular, world-traveled thing.

Al Snow, in his second, less popular gimmick of The Dude.

The Allied Powers, proving that people can look terrifying on BOTH sides of the Atlantic!

Laura Linney in the role of her career.

I included this pic so you could see the awesome photoshop job WWE did to make sure you could still see his hair. It’s like when Marvel Comics makes the Punisher’s hair blue.

Big Daddy V, who is somehow simultaneously a cockroach man and my ex-girlfriend’s shower curtain.

Remember when Big Show looked like a guy from a sitcom trying to sneak into a ladies’ locker room by putting on a wig and women’s clothing, but it’s funny because he still has facial hair? Look at those hands! You aren’t fooling anyone, Paul!

A really insensitive parody of Jim Ross.

Quick, name two things that are worthless to WWE history!

Sheamus signed this. “Brogue Man.”

Look out, it’s the villain from a salsa commercial!

This might be the greatest wrestler 8×10 ever. In kayfabe, I love that Brian Pillman took x amount of photos but decided that THIS one is the one he should sign and hand to people.

Remember when Candice Michelle was doing a sexy magician gimmick? And possibly a sexy girl sheriff?

And now, the least threatening photo of a wrestler ever taken. Imagine you don’t know anything about Carlito. What would this photo tell you about him? That he’s what, a teacher? From the 90s?

He’s pondering, “maybe I should’ve worn a cup.”

There’s no way this is a picture of CM Punk. Brian Kendrick put on some weight and dressed up as Punk for Halloween, right?

“I met Sgt. Slaughter. No, I didn’t get his autograph. I did get an 8×10, though. I let my 5-year old draw all over it.”

The world’s most burnt sienna man illustrates his name.

Woo woo woo, you don’t really know it.

This is either Damian Demento, or the bad guy from Flash Gordon is getting eaten by a venus fly trap.

She should’ve signed it in that giant space between her boobs.

“The f**k am I wearing?”

This is such a delightful picture of Kevin Nash! It’s the exact opposite of his maeks poopies face. He looks like he’s just brewed a cup of tea and has settled in to hold his WWF Championship and listen to Delilah.

Kane maeks poopies

Pictured: Aces and Eights

L to R: Luke Gallows, Wes Briscoe, Luke Gallows

nope

Why is Jeff Foxworthy on this wrestling show, and why is he being so weird?

“Who’s got one thumb and is secret vice president of a biker gang?”

Back in 2000, WWF was working very hard to convince you that Eddie Guerrero wasn’t the best wrestler ever. Spoiler alert: this relaxed, ne’er-do-well teen once beat Brock Lesnar, and it was amazing.

This is from that era between the New Generation and the Attitude Era where Vince was low on money, and his creative process was “I went to Party City and found this for 30 dollars, put it on and be a wrestler.”

Rikishi in his previous gimmick of “Bernie Mac.”

Probably the greatest photo ever taken of an old man in his underwear.

Snitsky is confused by the whole “imaginary buttf**king” thing.

The longer you look at this, the worse you feel for f**king up the take.

Not shopped, we swear!

for some reason now I really want to go to Hell

My brain keeps trying to combine these guys into one horrible looking lady named “Jackie Kurrgan.”

As seen on ‘Family Matters.’

LOOOOOOOOL

A quick reminder that WWE once trademarked “Jesus.”

“Don’t blame me, I didn’t come up with any of this shit.”

THE VEINS

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR BODY, JOHN CENA, SOMEBODY HELP HIM

“I am also John Cena.”

racist

racist

racist

SUPER RACIST

The post This Week In Horrible-Looking People: 51 Random, Amazing WWE Promo Photos appeared first on With Leather.

In the wake of recent events, it’s not surprising that Nike would want to stop selling shirts that feature the phrase “Boston Massacre,” complete with blood-stained letters. So of course it probably comes as little shock that folks who have these shirts are now trying to unload them for high prices on eBay.

ABC News confirmed reports that Nike has officially pulled the shirt, which has nothing to do with last week’s explosions at the Boston Marathon or the subsequent manhunt for the suspects, from its own stores and from major retailers. The shirt was intended for New York Yankees fans (see the NY logo on the back) as a way to rub in previous 4-0 playoff sweeps against the Boston Red Sox in 1978 and 2006, while also referencing the 1770 incident in which British soldiers fired on a crowd of civilians, murdering five men.

We found at least two people already trying to sell these shirts on eBay, one asking a flat $129.97 and the other offering it at $119.99, while also allowing people to bid starting at $59.99. As of right now, zero bids had been placed on the shirt. So perhaps there isn’t the interest that these sellers think there is.

In February, Nike pulled bullet-themed ads from the website of Olympian Oscar Pistorius, who has been accused of shooting his girlfriend to death.

When a hilariously nasty letter from a University Of Maryland sorority sister started making the Internet rounds last week, the use of phrases from the letter, like “cunt punt,” became insider winks at those in the know. You’d either read the lengthy screed from the Delta Gamma sister, or you hadn’t. (But, seriously, read it.)

Fortunately for the world, Michael Shannon read it, liked it, and decided to bring his sardonic reading of the text to Funny Or Die. The resulting four-minute clip is essential viewing and is so great that it should, arguably, be the final word on this burgeoning meme.

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

Read more

After raising a voice to her high school's damaging abstinence-only policies, one West Virginia senior says she was threatened with future-imperiling punishment by her principal. More »

A husband is suing his wife of barely a week for stealing $72,000 worth of wedding gifts, according to the New York Post. She allegedly kept the $24,000 two-carat diamond engagement ring, snatched a pile of cash and checks on her way out, and absconded with two gold necklaces, three diamond necklaces, a gold bracelet, and a gold ring. More »

What the what.

This video features Adrienn Banhegyi.
She performs with Cirque de Soleil, and holds two world records for jump roping!

What you’re about to witness is the most ridiculous display of jump roping I’ve ever seen. Adrienn is advertised as JUMP ROPE GIRL – WORLD’S BEST JUMP ROPER, and I’m not going to argue. She jumps rope on location in Budapest, Hungary, and some of the stuff she does is so fast and complex you have to rewind to catch it. I didn’t know you could throw around the jump rope while jumping rope and still keep jumping rope. I don’t even know how to phrase “jumping rope” properly. SHE JUMPS THE SHIT OUT OF SOME ROPE

Here is your new athletic overlord:

Here she is at her day job, which is almost as awesome:

Photo credit Michael Zamora, Corpus Christi Caller-Times

In a better world, this lady would have Kim Kardashian’s fame and money. Call me, Jump Rope Girl. I know we don’t have much in common, but I am willing to hurt myself on a jump rope every day for the rest of my life.

[h/t Reddit]

The post Jump Rope Girl #cangetit appeared first on With Leather.