For the past god knows how many years because Paul Rudd doesn’t age, every time the actor appears on whatever show Conan O’Brien happens to host, he slips in an absolutely ridiculous clip from the terrible McDonald’s-sponsored film Mac And Me. It’s a whole thing. Most of the time, the clip is disguised as being from whatever movie Rudd’s ostensibly promoting, though O’Brien’s grown wise to Rudd’s game and seemingly still holds out hope that one of these days the actor might just show a clip from some new movie and not some dumb E.T. knockoff.
Thankfully for fans, though, Rudd perseveres. He was a guest on last night’s episode of Conan and, true to form, brought along a “clip” from his “new movie,” assuming Ant-Mansomehow involves a kid in the runaway wheelchair. Rudd played like he wouldn’t ...
I was live-tweeting this last night and Chris Harrison re-tweeted me. RIP my Twitter inbox.
Monday night’s Men Tell All episode of The Bachelorette, when Kaitlyn’s rejects come back to pretend they still care about the drama in a house they haven’t lived in for months, was mostly dull. A stand-out moment, however, was when host Chris Harrison talked to Kaitlyn about the amount of vitriol she’s received since the show started airing over her apparently loose sexual morals.
Joe Biden recently appeared at a press conference, standing behind Obama, looking a little dinged-up. Well, apparently that’s because his dog recently got a little overenthusiastic during playtime.
It honestly took me a second to realize that was a photoshop of his hair.
George Lopez, a Mexican American comedian, is in the “early stages” of discussion to replace Donald Trump, a man who thinks most Mexican immigrants are rapists , as host of The Celebrity Apprentice on NBC.
McDonald's is promoting the recently released Minions movie across the globe, but it's only in Brazil that you'll find fried potato cakes shaped like the titular characters.
They're calling them BA-TA-TAS Minions. Batatas means "potatoes" in Portuguese, while the hyphens and capitalization mimics the speech of the Minions.
I imagine the Minions potato cakes are very similar to McCain Smiles.
Additionally, McDonald's Brazil is also offering a sundae with two deep-fried mini banana pies stuck in it. It's available with either a chocolate, caramel, or banana sauce. They're calling it the "Cold & Hot BA-NA-NA."
Rihanna may be considered pop’s “bad girl,” but there’s someone else who’s fighting to take the title away from her. And that person isn’t even a person; she’s a pig with refined tastes, a sexual appetite for frogs, and the baddest “you’d better not be fucking with me” face in Hollywood. Oh, and she’s killing it.
Florida, for all of its many demerits, has one thing going for it: Publix, a chain of truly excellent grocery stores that stretches throughout the Southeast (Protip: There is no sub quite like a Publix deli sub). But every so often, the reality of Florida creeps in to this paradise of sundries. Exhibit A: The above fight in an Orlando Publix aisle, over, well, very Florida things:
I know I already posted this in my quick links early last week, but HOLY GOD is this Kathryn Schulz piece about the already-overdue Pacific Northwest earthquake is terrific and terrifying.
Flick your right fingers outward, forcefully, so that your hand flattens back down again. When the next very big earthquake hits, the northwest edge of the continent, from California to Canada and the continental shelf to the Cascades, will drop by as much as six feet and rebound thirty to a hundred feet to the west -- losing, within minutes, all the elevation and compression it has gained over centuries. Some of that shift will take place beneath the ocean, displacing a colossal quantity of seawater. (Watch what your fingertips do when you flatten your hand.) The water will surge upward into a huge hill, then promptly collapse. One side will rush west, toward Japan. The other side will rush east, in a seven-hundred-mile liquid wall that will reach the Northwest coast, on average, fifteen minutes after the earthquake begins. By the time the shaking has ceased and the tsunami has receded, the region will be unrecognizable. Kenneth Murphy, who directs FEMA's Region X, the division responsible for Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and Alaska, says, "Our operating assumption is that everything west of Interstate 5 will be toast."
Let’s just get this out of the way right now: Bears are awesome. They’re basically an id for everything humans want to be, and they can be that unapologetically. They lay around, eat whatever they want, play and frolic, make giant messes of everything, and generally don’t care what anyone thinks about them. Oh, and they have that whole hibernation thing. If they had a Netflix account, the amount of jealousy we’d have for bears would be off the charts.
So anytime bears do anything, it’s worth a notice. Especially from the sports side of things. These are majestic, powerful animals capable of doing spectacular things. And they like to eat fish. And they’re not exactly big fans of when other peeps try to step in the way of their fish-eating adventures.
The bear on the left is getting a little too close to bear on the right, and starts stepping in his territory. The Right Bear absolutely obliterates him, getting in a couple small shots before landing a full-on haymaker. By the time the Left Bear starts to flail around and try to establish position, it’s too late. The Right Bear buries his head and pushes, knocking the Left Bear down the waterfall. Completely and utter domination.
My only hope is that the Left Bear spends his time wisely in training for the next showdown, so we can get a bear-training montage with that “You’re The Best Around” song from Karate Kid. It’s what we as a people – and we as sports fans – deserve.
Demonstrating that just because it was around in the ’90s doesn’t mean it doesn’t understand the internet, Wilco just became the latest band to release a free surprise album on its website. Called Star Wars and adorned with a painting of a cat—because, again, Wilco knows what the people like—the album consists of 11 original songs and is available as a free download on the Wilco website. Just enter your email, follow the link, download the .zip file, and boom. New Wilco album.
The band is playing a headlining set at the Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago tomorrow night.
I am friends with people on FB with babies. They are pro-vaccine but anti-Guardisil. Why? They are Christian. They don't believe they need to vaccinate their Christian children against a sexually transmitted disease. Even though it may mean preventing them from someone else in the future who they may marry. Unbelieveable.
Gardasil, the brand name for the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, serves as a shield against nine strains of the virus which cumulatively comprise 90 percent of cervical cancer cases in the United States. So why are public schools so reticent to require it?
Amy Poehler and Tina Fey came on The Tonight Show last night to premiere the trailer for their upcoming movie, Sisters, and their newly matching hair color.
Pizza Hut Australia's latest pizza features an outer crust with mini Australian meat pies embedded in it.
Meat pies are similar to pot pies and traditionally come filled with meat and gravy. A key difference is that they tend to be hand pies (i.e. you pick them up and eat them with your hands rather than with a fork and/or knife).
The new pizza is called the Four'n Twenty Stuffed Crust pizza, after the brand that manufactures the pies. There are 8 meat pies per pizza and, apparently, they lift out of the crust quite easily. Squeezable packets of tomato sauce are included on the side.
I imagine if they ever brought this over to the States, they would include mini versions of KFC's (Pizza Hut's sister chain) chicken pot pie in the crust.
You can see a video of Pizza Hut's Four'n Twenty Stuffed Crust pizza below:
Her arm is touching your arm. His tuna sandwich breath is just too close. Such are the annoyances facing travelers who get stuck with the middle seat on airplanes. Frontier Airlines is willing to throw those passengers a bone, and will be adding an extra bit of room to the middle seat as part of a new seating overhaul on some of its planes.
In a story from Conde Nast Traveler that has currently caught the eye of the Internet, Frontier says the new seats it’s installing in its Airbus 320s and 319s will have a whole extra inch of width for those sitting in the middle of the row, coming in at 19 inches.
Even more exciting, in a world where add-on fees have become the norm, the wider seats won’t cost travelers any extra cash.
However, the new seating plan also comes with its share of downsides, because of course it does, this is an airline we’re talking about: seating rows will be closer together, so that the pitch — the distance between the end point on one seat and the same point in the seat ahead of it — is only 28 inches, compared to the previous 30 inches in the previous seating plan.
Or as the airline’s president, Barry Biffle, calls it, a “built-in knee guard,” CNT notes.
Seats will also be stuck in position, in a new “pre-reclined” mode that is designed to keep flight attendants from constantly reminding people to return their seats to the upright position. A total of 12 seats will be added to each flight with this new arrangement.
Google’s new Deep Dream Artificial Neural Network was created to help understand and train our perception of dream imagery, by studying the system’s interpretation of images. Or, simply-put, to reproduce acid trips without any permanent damage.
Neue Modern had the brilliant idea to feed pizza commercials through the network, and the results are horrifying. Not only are we subjected to slices of Papa John’s and other sub-pizzas pulled away slowly from their gooey brethren — but the pizzas are interpreted by the network as dog-like creatures and other nightmare fuel.
The supposed casting call that piqued curiosity about Drake’s “Energy” video (the first from If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late) didn’t even begin to detail the magnificent absurdity that it turned out to be. The video, directed by Fleur and Manu, reveals a series of iconic characters… who you soon realize all bear Drake-like features, and are in fact manipulated images of Drake as, well, whoever the hell he wants to be.So, if you ever wondered what it’d look like if Drake and Justin Bieber (or Oprah… or Benjamin Franklin) reproduced, you’re surely in for a treat: throughout the course of the video, Drake impersonates the above-mentioned figures, as well as Miley Cyrus, Tom Cruise, Kanye, the Queen of England, and uncountable others.
COREY: Mark Cuban wins the "who can make the smallest face" contest
Getty Image
During the July moratorium, free agent DeAndre Jordan signed with the Dallas Mavericks. But it wasn’t “official” because the moratorium has to end (like it did at midnight Wednesday) for anyone to actually sign a contract. Before that time, DeAndre wavered after looking at both squads on paper. It seems the Clippers had a better title chance, something most of the NBA Internet would have been happy to scream at him on social media.
The Clippers — well Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, J.J. Redick, Paul Pierce, coach Doc Rivers as well as owner Steve Ballmer, but not Jamal Crawford — rushed to his summer home in Houston (not Dallas*) to convince him he needed to re-sign with his title-contending teammates in Los Angeles.
Then they camped out at his home following a rather elementary effort to convince him to return to the Clippers next year. In fact, after it was clear Jordan was coming back to the Clippers, Jordan’s mom ordered food for the Clippers posse and they started playing some cards.
Yahoo Source: Clippers, DeAndre Jordan meeting was short. It was clear he was returning to them. Then they started to play cards.
According to ESPN’s Chris Broussard, Cuban spent Wednesday night before the conclusion of the moratorium, driving around downtown Dallas Houston, furiously “begging” family members (via text messages) to give him DJ’s address so he could make one last-ditch effort to change Jordan’s mind (again).
Sources: Cuban is beside himself. Driving around downtown Dallas begging (thru texts) Jordan's family for address to DeAndre's home
It should be noted Broussard’s tweets appeared to contradict earlier reports from his ESPN colleague, Marc Stein. Stein appeared to describe Cuban in meetings with Dallas staffers trying to figure out their next steps after their biggest free agent haul ever broke his verbal agreement and was going to re-sign with his old team.
Come midnight, Jordan did just that and re-signed with the Clippers, but not for the five-year max they could offer. Instead, he signed a four-year deal, with a player option on the final year, for $88 million, which is slightly more (around $4 million after it was adjusted for the higher 2015-16 cap) than what his Mavs deal would have been. There’s also a 15 percent trade kicker.
DeAndre Jordan's four-year, $88 million contract with Clippers has a 15% trade kicker & player option in 4th year, source said.
While Dan Fegan had been rumored to be the individual within DJ’s group who pushed him the hardest to sign with the Mavericks in the first place (Fegan and Cuban are buddies), Relativity Sports was present at the signing, but it was senior VP Jarinn Akana who was in attendance. The agent certification has not been signed yet, according to Marc J. Spears of Yahoo:
Relativity Sports senior VP Jarinn Akana was present when DeAndre Jordan signed his Clippers contract but agent certification not signed yet
That’s not all, Clippers are now taking to social media — much like Blake did last night with his tent and chair tweets — to celebrate their successful, last-minute courtship of DJ.
Town seals are just about as dumb as state flags, ALL OF WHICH are bad. But the Winner Winner Chicken Dinner of the shitty town seal contest, at least until we find a new worst one ever, is probably that little gem pictured above, from Whitesboro, New York. (And NO, it’s not called Whitesboro because it is a ‘boro just for whites, why would you ever think that?) So what’s going on in that picture? Sure looks like a white man murdering an Indian to us, but maybe that’s just because we’re not all up on our history. Let’s see what the mayor of Whitesboro says:
In the suburbs of Buffalo, New York, there is a house that until recently was for sale. From the front and from the back, the exterior looks like any ordinary upscale house built in the late ’80s. Inside, however, it looks like the sets from “Saved by the Bell” collided with sets from “The Golden Girls,” then somehow became attached to a mall food court from 1988. Then nothing ever changed.
Why does the house look like this? Has it sat untouched since it was last sold in 1993? Did they simply re-use the photos taken for that listing in 1993? “This is elaborate cosplay of the ’80s sitcom Silver Spoons,” one of my friends suggested when I shared the listing on Facebook. Maybe. Others speculated that it was a film set, or intentionally redecorated that way for sale.
We checked with the realtor, who told us that the house was not staged or used as a film set. The décor was put there by the real people who really lived there. If the geometric wall sculptures or those amazing kitchen chairs interest you, they will be selling the art and furniture in a house sale later this summer.
However, we aren’t real estate agents or home decorators: we’re children of the ’80s and ’90s. We kept picturing our favorite television characters from the era in every room of the house. There was only one way we knew to show our appreciation for this house.
Around 9 AM yesterday, a Toronto resident named Jason Wagar tweeted to the city about a dead raccoon on the side of the road. Only 12 minutes later, there was a response that said animal services had been notified. But three hours later, the critter was still on its back, spread-eagle, with its tongue sticking out.
By this time, some sympathetic soul had left a note. "Rest dear raccoon," it read. "Help is on the way from the city."
The message of assurance was premature. Help was not, in fact, on the way for almost 12 hours. In the meantime, someone managed to slide a single rose under the animal's stiffened little arm, and someone else (or maybe it was the same person?) framed what looks like a stock image of a raccoon and placed it on the sidewalk.
After someone wrote #DeadRaccoonTO on a piece of paper, the bizarre memorial went viral and even earned the animal a name—Conrad. Cards and other tributes accumulated. A local politician named Norm Kelly even got in on the conversation and remarked, "Damn. Life's so short."
While amusing, the stunt has drawn attention to the fact that the animal services department in Toronto is apparently very overworked. According to the Global Mail, the cadaver was finally picked up at 11 PM last night and unceremoniously thrown into a plastic bag.
Toronto's animal services announced today that it will be cremated, and thanked distressed animal lovers for their understanding. They cited the fact that they get 35,000 calls per year and must prioritize imperiled animals over roadkill.
Wagar, the person who first alerted the city, is now asking for people to donate to the Toronto Wildlife Center.
This photo after Dylann Roof's June arrest was not his first mugshot. Photo via Charleston County Sheriff
On Friday afternoon, FBI Director James B. Comey revealed that 21-year-old Dylann Roof should not have been able to purchase the gun he allegedly used in the Charleston massacre on June 17. The feds had three business days to look into the 21-year-old's background after he first tried to purchase the gun on April 11, and they failed to obtain a local police report showing he was ineligible, as the New York Times reported.
"We are all sick this happened," Comey told reporters at a Friday press briefing. "We wish we could turn back time."
In 30 states, when someone tries to buy a gun, federally-licensed gun dealers enter the wannabe buyer's information into the FBI's National Instant Criminal Background Check System, which is connected to federal databases, as well as state and local records. Within about 30 seconds, the retailer will get a response that either the request can proceed, is denied, or is delayed.
The system can typically rule out a convicted felon right away or clear someone with no history of arrest. But in the case of Roof, raw human judgment was required, because he had a case pending against him. And when the feds take longer than three days to disqualify someone, retailers are allowed to go ahead and sell that person a gun regardless, under what's known as "default proceedings."
Back in February, Roof was arrested at a mall in Columbia, South Carolina, for freaking out employees by asking strange questions. When police caught up with him, they found he was carrying Suboxone, a drug that's used to treat opioid dependence. Unlawful users of controlled substances, as well as people who have admitted to being addicted to them, aren't supposed to be sold firearms under federal law.
Because Roof hadn't yet been convicted, the FBI examiner had to do a little bit more digging to rule him out. For some unknown reason, as CBS News reported, the FBI examiner believed Roof had been arrested by the Lexington County Sheriff's office, when in fact he was nabbed by local police in Columbia, which is a municipality within Lexington County.
The confusion was reportedly compounded when the background checker reached out to police in West Columbia, which is another city in Lexington County, rather than the Columbia cops. Apparently, her contact sheet did not include details for the latter and local prosecutors never got back to her with clarification.
Amid the confusion and delays, Roof was able to go back to the store on April 16 and purchase the gun.
"The law really requires the FBI to make a rush judgment on really delicate issues," says Ari Freilich, an attorney at the Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence. "This default proceed provision allowed 3,722 prohibited purchasers to buy guns in 2012."
While Roof's uncle initially told the press that the .45 caliber pistol was a 21st birthday gift, the alleged shooter's friends have since said that he was actually given money to purchase the gun himself. As the Times reports, big-box stores like Walmart often won't sell people a gun unless the FBI clears them—regardless of how long it takes—but smaller retailers will sometimes exploit the loophole to make a sale and pocket the cash.
When reporters descended upon Shooter's Choice in West Columbia last month, they were chased off the property.
"We don't give information out like that!" a worker apparently shouted. "I don't know anything about it. Just go!"
After storming out of the show at the end of season one, Reviewhost Forrest MacNeil (Andy Daly) was found alive and well earlier this month. To celebrate his return—and his renewed commitment to reviewing life—Comedy Central has released a trailer for the show’s upcoming second season. While MacNeil reviewed fun stuff like “Being Irish” and “There all is aching” last time around, this trailer for season two shows that that he’ll be letting a Magic 8 Ball decide his every move, asking a guy to shoot an apple off of his head, and something that involves getting really muscular and making his penis look “alright.” As you might expect, all of that goes really well, and nothing too horribly terrible happens to Forrest—in the trailer, at least.
In a “booklet” published by SystemMagazine, Kanye West styled his wife, Kim Kardashian, for a photo shoot. Kanye dressed her in nude lingerie, black stockings, and stiletto boots—while the photographer, Juergen Teller, captured her doing various things such as lying on grass, standing on grass, and kissing her husband.
McDonald's is promoting the recently released Minions movie across the globe, but it's only in Brazil that you'll find fried potato cakes shaped like the titular characters.
Additionally, McDonald's Brazil is also offering a sundae with two deep-fried mini banana pies stuck in it. It's available with either a chocolate, caramel, or banana sauce. They're calling it the "Cold & Hot BA-NA-NA."
Pizza Hut Australia's latest pizza features an outer crust with mini Australian meat pies embedded in it.
I imagine if they ever brought this over to the States, they would include mini versions of KFC's (Pizza Hut's sister chain) chicken pot pie in the crust.
In the suburbs of Buffalo, New York, there is a house that until recently was for sale. From the front and from the back, the exterior looks like any ordinary upscale house built in the late ’80s. Inside, however, it looks like the sets from “Saved by the Bell” collided with sets from “The Golden Girls,” then somehow became attached to a mall food court from 1988. Then nothing ever changed. 
