IKEA Monkey
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Photos: One Of Those Quirky Harry Weese River Cottages Is For Sale
The U.S. Cities Where You’ll Spend the Most Time Sitting In Traffic
IKEA MonkeyLOL Anaheim

Work commutes can really suck , especially when it takes two hours to travel 10 miles. Here are the cities where you’ll spend the most time just sitting in traffic.
"Thirsty" Concrete Soaks Up 880 Gallons of Water a Minute
IKEA MonkeyCOOL
The proof is in the pavement.
ConAgra To Move HQ And 700 Jobs To Merchandise Mart
IKEA MonkeyMy old coworkers are reeling. This will be good for some, and devastating for others.
ConAgra, the maker of popular foods including Slim Jims and Orville Redenbacher's popcorn, is moving its headquarters from Omaha to Chicago. [ more › ]Here’s A Fascinating Musical Breakdown Of John Cena’s Entrance Theme
IKEA MonkeyCOREY
You know that song that plays during the Interrupting John Cena meme? It’s important that you know how it works musically.
Beat Breakdown posted the following video breaking down the beat and samples in John Cena’s ‘The Time Is Now,’ aka OH GREAT HERE COMES JOHN CENA, from his 2005 album You Can’t See Me. It’s short and kinda fascinating, especially if you’re like me and have no idea how music works.
Reminder, folks: Every time Cena runs to the ring, you owe a debt of gratitude to ‘Ante Up’ by M.O.P. and ‘The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia’ by Bobby Russell.
I want a series like this that breaks down the beats in other wrestling entrance themes. Give me one for ‘American Males.’ “Uh, okay, so there’s a didgeridoo, and then Devo jumps in to say AMERICAN MALES seven times, and then suddenly we’re doing a hair metal song about how Marcus Alexander Bagwell and Scotty Riggs will find you and hurt you, possibly sexually, if you try to talk to them. Whoops, and now Devo’s back.” Maybe do one for Billy Gunn’s ‘Ass Man’ where they just stare at the screen with disbelief on their faces.
News in Brief: ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
IKEA MonkeySee previously: http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131
ROSEBURG, OR—In the hours following a violent rampage in southwestern Oregon in which a lone attacker killed 10 individuals and seriously injured seven others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Thursday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Ohio resident Lindsay Bennett, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this ...
President Obama Asks Americans To Stop Shooting Each Other, For Real This Time
IKEA MonkeyPowerful, moving speech. I hope he never has to make it again.

Read more on President Obama Asks Americans To Stop Shooting Each Other, For Real This Time…
The post President Obama Asks Americans To Stop Shooting Each Other, For Real This Time appeared first on Wonkette.
Newswire: Nicolas Cage thinks he and Quentin Tarantino could “do something quite special”
IKEA MonkeyHe's not wrong
Venturing dangerously far into the realm of understatement, actor Nicolas Cage recently told a Newsweek interviewer that he thinks that he and Quentin Tarantino could “do something quite special” if they ever teamed up. Indeed, we can only imagine the results of the duo’s forehead-heavy collaboration, with Keymaster Tarantino’s endless reams of dialogue combining with Gatekeeper Cage’s ability to spew nonsense, finally unleashing the fabled Nic Cage singularity upon the people of the earth. (Cage also expressed a desire to work with Paul Thomas Anderson, which we don’t have any mean jokes about, because that would probably just be really good.)
The interview—in support of Pay The Ghost, in which Cage goes a-child-avengin’ for something like the fiftieth time in recent years—also allowed the actor to express his regrets about his career—he doesn’t have any, in case you were wondering—and his ...
Pauly Shore Hosted a '90s Fest
IKEA MonkeyPauly Shore is officially one month behind the times
Too soon?
10 Dead After Mass Shooting at Oregon Community College
IKEA MonkeyFuck

At least ten people are reportedly dead after a gunman opened fire this morning at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon. At least seven were injured.
You Get Two Questions
IKEA MonkeyGood advice
GPOYW with the sweetest girl. #snowygram #gpoyw
IKEA MonkeySry me and Snowy are just cute

GPOYW with the sweetest girl. #snowygram #gpoyw
Tasteless Newlyweds Send No-Show Wedding Guests a $75 Bill
IKEA MonkeyWho does that

It’s no secret that weddings now often cost more than a French chateau, so it’s understandable that some newlyweds would be annoyed by guests canceling at the last minute. No matter how upset a bride and groom are, however, there’s absolutely no excuse to send absent guests a bill for their dinner. But apparently no one mentioned to a newly married couple who invoiced a couple of guests.
The Rock Saves Tiny Puppy From Drowning, Proves Ultimate Fearlessness, Cements "Baller" Status
IKEA MonkeyTHE ROCK + PUPPIES

Even on Labor Day, there can be no rest for action star and known baller Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The Rock brought home two new French Bulldog puppies Monday—BRUTUS and HOBBS (all caps, please)—and wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he set them down outside, those cute li’l fuckers ran straight for his baller-ass swimming pool.
Kim Davis’s Lawyers Say She Had A Secret Stitch ‘N’ Bitch With Pope Francis
IKEA MonkeyGod dammit

OH GODDAMMIT, IF TRUE. Good, decent people in America are trying really hard to think the best of this new commie pope, who seems to be trying to take the focus off hot button wingnut issues to return the Church’s focus to real problems like caring for the poor, the sick, and the downtrodden. And he has done and said some good things! Kim Davis is not poor. She is not sick. And despite what the bigot demons in her head tell her, she is CERTAINLY not downtrodden.
Read more on Kim Davis’s Lawyers Say She Had A Secret Stitch ‘N’ Bitch With Pope Francis…
The post Kim Davis’s Lawyers Say She Had A Secret Stitch ‘N’ Bitch With Pope Francis appeared first on Wonkette.
Saudi Royal Drama: The Prince Has Flown the $37 Million Beverly Hills Coop
IKEA MonkeyThose holy rollers in Saudi Arabia giving Islam a good name

The Saudi royals are not like you and me: they’re rich as hell and drama seems to follow them wherever they go, so maybe in a sense maybe they’re more like you and me than we ever realized. But this week that nebulous cloud of drama hanging overhead took a dark turn, as a prince accused of rape vanished into thin air.
Gov. Bruce Rauner offers tax breaks to lure ConAgra HQ to Chicago
IKEA MonkeyOh snap
Gov. Bruce Rauner has offered packaged food giant ConAgra tax incentives to move its headquarters from Omaha to Chicago, according to a source familiar with the deal.
The revelation comes on the heels of news that ConAgra is negotiating to lease office space large enough to accommodate as many...
People Think Men Are More Creative Than Women, Study Finds
IKEA MonkeyHmph
A new study shows that men are perceived as more creative thinkers than women producing similar work.
Full-Sized Pope Cracks Up at Sight of Baby Pope
IKEA MonkeyI love it

On his recent visit to Philadelphia, Pope Francis looked his younger self in the eye, remembering the childlike wonder with which he used to see the world before he grew into a man, rose through the ranks of the Church, and came to bear the strictures, hopes, and aspirations of an entire religion on his aging shoulders.
At Least 50 People Were Shot In Chicago For The 2nd Weekend In A Row
IKEA MonkeyChrist
It was another violent weekend in Chicago with more than 50 people shot for the second weekend in a row. [ more › ]Use Pet Tag Engraving For Cheap, Durable Luggage or Key Tags
IKEA MonkeyWell that's just a good idea
Bigoted Indiana Pizza-Makers Accidentally Catered a Gay Wedding
IKEA MonkeyNelson "HA HA"
'Jaws Wide Open': Shark Victim Recounts Attack
IKEA Monkey(In the style of Creed) With Jaws wide open... I'll bite you in the leg, I'll bite you in the face, I'll bite your everything, with jaws wide open..."
Caterpillar to Cut Up To 5K Jobs by End of 2016
IKEA MonkeyStephen
Guy with cornrows eats corn while listening to Korn.
IKEA MonkeyDoes what it says on the tin
Watch A Rare Supermoon Total Lunar Eclipse Sunday Evening
IKEA MonkeyCOOL
Chicagoans will have a rare chance to see a Supermoon total lunar eclipse on Sunday evening. [ more › ]Massachusetts Man Cannot Handle Seeing A Sunfish: "What The Fuck Is That, Kid?"
IKEA MonkeyThis video is a delight. Headphones UP!

At first, it’s reasonable to think that this video’s protagonist, a man from Malden, is laying the Massachusetts accent on a little thick as he reacts to seeing a sunfish in the water. Oh man, Jay, it’s dead, bro, or somethin’! Michael Bergin’s interview with the Boston Globe basically confirms that no, this guy is the real deal.
G-G the book - G-G on Facebook - G-G on Twitter
IKEA MonkeyLiterally me





