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IKEA Monkey
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Basically Well Played: Lupita Nyong’o
IKEA MonkeyShe can do no wrong. She is a goddess
I was thinking the other day — and may have in fact written it here! — that Lupita so quickly became one of those celebrities who need only one name. I mean, part of that is because there aren’t any other famous Lupitas (like, there are a LOT of famous Jennifers; Garner, Lopez, Aniston, Lawrence), Read More ...Can you tell the difference between what's real and what's not in these amazing illusions?
IKEA MonkeyWITCHCRAFT


It’s all about the perspective. Well, it’s also a little about how easily our eyes can be tricked. Here’s optical illusion expert BrussPup pulling the old perspective trick on us by making us think something is real when it’s not and making us believe something is fake when it’s actually the real object. It’s a fun video because he doubles down on the effect by zooming in on the photos up close. They still look totally 3D at that distance but they’re not.
This Fucking Guy: Pharma Monster Martin Shkreli Buys Only Copy of New, Secret Wu-Tang LP
IKEA MonkeyFuck this guy

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli has made quite a name for himself this year, astronomically ratcheting up the cost of the anti-parasitic drug Daraprim and, per a lawsuit, being a real shit. Now he’s the proud owner of the sole copy of a priceless Wu-Tang album, because nothing in this world is fair.
Rick Santorum, Still Running for President, Is Bummed More Women Are Attending College
IKEA MonkeyI honestly forgot he existed
Ryan: Trump comments 'not who we are'
IKEA MonkeyHe's the one thing that unites all sides of the aisle.
Ultra-Fast Google Fiber Internet Could Be Coming To Chicago
IKEA Monkey*grabby hands*
Ultra-fast Google Fiber internet, with connection speeds of roughly 1,000 megabits per second, might be coming to Chicago. [ more › ]Russia Gives France Puppy After K-9 Killed in Paris Attacks
IKEA Monkeygood news of the day
Police: Father & Son Team Stole $41K Worth Of Chicken Wings From Their Employer
IKEA MonkeyIts a family thing
According to the Onondaga County Sheriff’s office [PDF], the 56-year-old man and his 33-year-old offspring would then peddle the stolen wings on the street to line their own pockets.
Allegedly, the duo would place a bunch of chicken wing orders with the wholesaler the restaurant dealt with. Then they’d go pick up the wings and resell them on the cheap to undercut their employer. The police say the men billed about $41,000 worth of wing orders to the restaurant’s account between February 2015 and November 21.
They’ve both been charged with grand larceny and falsifying business records. If convicted, they’ll earn themselves a spot in the Meat-Stealing Hall Of Infamy.
(h/t Associated Press)
Public Split On Biggest Worry — Terrorism vs. Gun Violence
IKEA MonkeyGun violence IS terrorism
Fuckin' Craig Mazin: An Appreciation of Ted Cruz's College Roommate
IKEA MonkeyThis is amazing
Right-Wing Gun Idolator Erick Erickson Flies Into a Rage, Shoots Up a Piece of Paper
IKEA MonkeyHe seems stable, like the kind of rational, level-headed person who should have a firearm

Conservative blogger, unrepentant sexist, Twinkie opponent and fat man who hates fat lesbians Erick Erickson has a strong opinion about The New York Times’ front-page editorial calling for tighter gun laws in the wake of a spate of mass shootings in the U.S.
Cry-Baby of the Week: A Man Was Arrested For Handing Out Fliers on Jury Rights Outside a Court
IKEA MonkeyI can't decide!!
It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: Judge Peter Jaklevic
Keith Wood. Screencaps via Fox 17 and Google Maps
The incident: A guy handed out fliers about jury rights in front of a courthouse.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: The man was arrested and charged with a felony.
Last week, 39-year-old Keith Wood handed out fliers from the Fully Informed Jury Association outside the Mecosta County Courthouse in Big Rapids, Michigan.
The fliers contained information on jury nullification, which is when a juror delivers a not-guilty decision for someone they believe is guilty because they think that person shouldn't be punished for the crime. This is usually when the juror thinks the law is immoral.
According to the Fully Informed Jury Association, most judges do not include information about jury nullification in the instructions they provide to potential jurors.
After handing out about 50 of the fliers, Keith told West Michigan'sFox 17 he was approached three times by various court employees and asked to go inside the courthouse. He says he declined the first two times, but went inside on the third occasion after being threatened with arrest.
Once inside, Keith claims he was approached by Mecosta County District Judge Peter Jaklevic. "Judge Jaklevic came out of his chambers, he looked at me, he looked down the hall, I didn't know who he was looking at, and then he looked back towards me and the deputy and he said, 'Arrest him for jury tampering,'" Keith said.
Keith was arrested and charged with felony obstruction of justice and attempting to influence jurors. The penalty for the obstruction charge is up to five years in jail and a maximum $10,000 fine. The influencing charge comes with up to one year in jail, and a maximum $1,000 fine. His bond was set at $150,000.
"When he told me the bond, again I was speechless," Keith told Fox."$150,000 bond for handing out a piece of paper on a public sidewalk? Speechless."
"It's free speech for goodness sake," Keith's attorney, Dave Kallman, told the TV station. "The judge directly ordered him to be arrested for jury tampering for tampering with a jury that didn't exist—now wrap your head around that."
"If you don't use your rights, you lose them," Keith told MLive."It's not illegal to fully inform jurors, it's just that judges don't do it anymore."
Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed man in Australia
Photos via Wikimedia Commons and Google Maps
The incident: A guy saw a spider in his house.
The appropriate response: Killing it, or escorting it from the building somehow.
The actual response: He freaked out so hard that his neighbors called the cops because they thought a woman was being murdered.
According to a post made on Facebook by the New South Wales Police Force, they received multiple reports of a violent domestic dispute in Wollstonecraft, Sydney, on the 21st of November.
According to the callers, they had heard a woman "screaming hysterically" from inside an apartment, followed by a man yelling, "I'm going to kill you, you're dead! Die die!" The sound of furniture being thrown around could apparently also be heard.
Police say they went to the man's apartment and asked to speak to his wife or girlfriend. He told them that he did not have either, and lived alone.
After explaining to him that they'd had reports of a domestic dispute involving the screams of a woman, police say the man "became very sheepish."
"It was a spider," he reportedly told them. "A really big one."
The noise had apparently been the man chasing the spider around his apartment with a can of insecticide. "I really, really hate spiders," he said.
After checking the man's apartment, the police left.
Who here is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:
Winner: The pancake lady!!!
Follow Jamie Lee Curtis Taete on Twitter.
Front page NY Times editorial on gun control
In their first page one editorial since 1920, the NY Times argues for strict gun control.
But motives do not matter to the dead in California, nor did they in Colorado, Oregon, South Carolina, Virginia, Connecticut and far too many other places. The attention and anger of Americans should also be directed at the elected leaders whose job is to keep us safe but who place a higher premium on the money and political power of an industry dedicated to profiting from the unfettered spread of ever more powerful firearms.
It is a moral outrage and a national disgrace that civilians can legally purchase weapons designed specifically to kill people with brutal speed and efficiency. These are weapons of war, barely modified and deliberately marketed as tools of macho vigilantism and even insurrection. America's elected leaders offer prayers for gun victims and then, callously and without fear of consequence, reject the most basic restrictions on weapons of mass killing, as they did on Thursday. They distract us with arguments about the word terrorism. Let's be clear: These spree killings are all, in their own ways, acts of terrorism.
I don't really want to get into it on a sunny Saturday morning, but 1) this doesn't go far enough for me...I'm one of those people who does want guns taken away from everyone; and 2) the media also needs to make tough choices about how and how much they cover shootings like this. CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin can't write an essay about how she's sick and tired of reporting on gun violence and then her network gives their viewers a guided tour of the apartment where the suspects in the San Bernardino shooting lived (which Baldwin tweeted out to her followers advising them to TURN ON #CNN).
Tags: Brooke Baldwin gun journalism NY TimesGreat Job, Internet!: Ken Marino and Joe Lo Truglio drink the hoppiest beer ever produced
IKEA MonkeyCorey
In the latest edition of his web series “That’s Odd, Let’s Drink It,” Dogfish Head Brewery founder Sam Calagione links up with his former college roommates and current Hollywood actors Ken Marino (Marry Me) and Joe Lo Truglio (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) to help him debut his new beer Hoo Lawd IPA.
Before they do that, Marino and Lo Truglio spend a lot of time making fun of Calagione and reminiscing about their college days, when they used to steal barley wine and Calagione would brew beer in their living room.
Calagione gets them back, though, when he has them try Hoo Lawd, which he has engineered to be the hoppiest beer ever, basically breaking the scales at 658.5 International Bittering Units. (To give you some perspective, even the hoppiest IPAs rarely break 100. Hoo Lawd actually contains experimental hops, which we didn’t realize was a thing until ...
Staff Picks: Prehistoric comics, bike safety lights, and an elemental Milwaukee band
Ggoolldd
For a few years in college I worked hard to deaden my hearing by attending lots of loud shows put on by Milwaukee bands—there’s a vibrant local music scene there that produces some outstanding live shows—but since I moved to Chicago I’ve had to be content with the far inferior ear-bud variety of sound. It can be hard to unravel the objective quality of a band with the associations of happy memories made while seeing them live. But no such subjective evaluations cloud my love of Ggoolldd, who hit the scene in a big way since I left Milwaukee and whose output is a small but stellar collection of impeccably produced synthpop. Margaret Butler’s strong vocals float on top of earworm beats and sleek, layered instrumentals that sound as polished as any bigger-budget band. Ggoolldd just put out a stellar EP, “For The Night ...
Big Ass Lizard.
IKEA MonkeyThat's a big lizard
Add Depth to Just About Any Dish with Fish Sauce
IKEA MonkeyIts one of my secret kitchen weapons! It adds umami, just like adding anchovies to Italian sauces adds depth of flavor without a "fishy" flavor.
Blackalicious Brought Back The Tongue-Twisting ‘Alphabet Aerobics,’ But This Time With Sports
IKEA MonkeySiiiiiiiiick
All the way back in 1999, Blackalicious, a hip-hop duo comprised of rapper Gift of Gab and producer/DJ Chief Xcel, dropped the EP A2G. The EP’s most celebrated and best known track was the fierce, tongue-twisting tour-de-force “Alphabet Aerobics,” a two and a half-minute lyrical firestorm produced by Cut Chemist of Jurassic 5. The song features Gift of Gab making his first grade teacher proud, literally rapping from “A” to “Z.”
Every couplet in the song is jammed with words starting with a specific letter and after two lines, the rapper moves on to the next letter of the alphabet. By the time he reaches “Y,” the pace has hit such a breakneck and frantic point that he becomes incredibly hard to understand. The track has become the stuff of hip-hop legend and was granted somewhat of a rebirth in 2014 when Harry Potter himself, Daniel Radcliffe, ripped through the song on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
Now the song is back, this time around with a sports theme. Bleacher Report enlisted Blackalicious to put together a remix of the song; same rules apply, but this time, Bleacher Report asked that they please make it about sports. Blackalicious happily complied, and the result, “Sports Alphabet,” is another killer example of Gift of Gab’s lyrical prowess. Starting at “A” and “alley-alley-alley-alley-oop” and going all the way to “Z” and “zero zero zero on the clock,” practically every sport there is finds themselves being represented.
Blackalicious has also returned to our lives with a new studio album, their first in 10 years. Imani, Vol. 1 was released in September.
(Via Bleacher Report)
Report: Ya Boy Ethan Couch Violating Probation
IKEA Monkeythis mayonaise motherfucker

Texas’ infamous “affluenza ” teen Ethan Couch, on probation for four counts of intoxication manslaughter, after he struck and killed four people while going 70 mph in a 40 mph zone in 2013, is under investigation for potentially violating the terms of his probation.
News in Brief: ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
SAN BERNARDINO, CA—In the hours following a violent rampage in southern California in which two attackers killed 14 individuals and seriously injured 17 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Michigan resident Emily Harrington, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep these ...
Muslim Leaders Condemn 'Revolting' Massacre
IKEA Monkey"Why aren't the so-called moderate Muslims coming out against the actions of these so-called extremists??!?!?!" - well here you go
Watch a Terrifying Oscar Isaac Stalk His Victim in the Trailer for ‘Mojave’
IKEA MonkeyThis guy is having a real break-out year

Though Oscar Isaac is gearing up for one of the biggest films in his career, the Golden Globe nominated actor from Inside Llewyn Davis, A Most Violent Year, Ex-Machina and Show Me a Hero has yet another forthcoming (albeit smaller) project: Mojave.
Directed by William Monahan (Oscar-winning screenwriter for 2006’s The Departed), the film is a meta cat-and-mouse crime thriller about a depressed filmmaker (played by Garrett Hedlund) who escapes the desert, where he happens to meet a homicidal drifter (played by Isaac). The film premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival back in April, and yesterday, Entertainment Tonight released an exclusive trailer.
Mojave is available early for DirecTV Cinema subscribers starting today, and will be released in theaters on January 8th, 2016 via A24 Films.
Watch the trailer below:
(h/t /Film)
Nick Offerman Hits Peak Nick Offerman with 45 Minute Yule Log Whiskey Endorsement Video

You are about to see the least surprising video of all time. Nothing is more quintessentially Nick Offerman-ish than silence, whiskey, and a lit fireplace: an yet, until now, we’ve never seen all three of these should-be-inseparable elements together at once for any memorable length. But the length of a new promotional video for Lagavulin happens to be 45 minutes.
Yes, you can now sit with Nick Offerman for 45 minutes, letting the crackling fire and the occasional pouring and sipping say all that needs to be said. Should you not have a real fireplace or a real Nick Offerman in your home this holiday season, this video would be the perfect thing to put on loop to provide some respite from the more vociferous members of your family (who presumably aren’t Nick Offerman).
Offerman’s spin on traditional Yule Log videos isn’t his first endorsement of the whiskey brand. Watch the rest here.
Sandra Bullock Just Adopted a 3-Year-Old Girl Named Laila
IKEA MonkeyAwwww!!

The more entertaining tabloids have been reporting Sandy B’s second adoption for months now, but today People confirmed it in an exclusive cover story (shot by ~Bryan Randall ~). Louis Bullock’s little sister is 3-year-old Laila, “a little girl from Louisiana who had been in foster care.”
Wendy's Adds New Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger and Bacon Fondue Fries
IKEA MonkeyThose fries are not appealing
Beside the cheeses, the Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger also includes a quarter pound beef patty, garlic aioli, three strips of applewood-smoked bacon, red onions, tomato, and spring mix on a toasted brioche bun.

The suggested price for the new burger is $4.99, while the price for the Bacon Fondue Fries is $1.99.
Nutritional Info - Wendy's Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger
Calories - 640 (from Fat - 340)
Fat - 38g (Saturated Fat - 16g)
Sodium - 1160mg
Carbs - 37g (Sugar - 6g)
Protein - 37g
Nutritional Info - Wendy's Bacon Fondue Fries
Calories - 460 (from Fat - 230)
Fat - 25g (Saturated Fat - 8g)
Sodium - 590mg
Carbs - 45g (Sugar - 1g)
Protein - 13g
Maintenance Workers Find 26.2 Pounds Of Cocaine Stashed On American Airlines Plane
IKEA MonkeyOne pound for each mile of the cocaine marathon I'm gonna run!
Maintenance workers who were assigned to an American jet that was in for service at Tulsa International Airport stumbled upon 26.2 pounds of white powder stowed on the aircraft, reports KJRH.com (warning: link has video that autoplays).
It’s unclear where the drugs were stashed, or if there are any suspects. The Drug Enforcement Agency was notified, and agents removed a total of 10 packages of the white powdery substance from the plane. It was later identified as cocaine.
“Narcotics were discovered on a Boeing 757 during routine maintenance at the Tulsa Maintenance and Engineering Base,” the carrier said in a statement. “Upon discovery, American immediately contacted law enforcement. Our Corporate Security team is working directly with law enforcement during their investigation.”
26.2 pounds of cocaine found on American Airlines airplane at Tulsa International Airport Tuesday [KJRH.com]






