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10 Dec 07:09

Lorem ipsum

by Chelsea Hassler

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."

10 Dec 01:56

Basically Well Played: Lupita Nyong’o

by Jessica
IKEA Monkey

She can do no wrong. She is a goddess

Lupita Nyong'o in Louis Vuitton Lupita Nyong'o in Louis Vuitton Lupita Nyong'o in Louis Vuitton 
I was thinking the other day — and may have in fact written it here! — that Lupita so quickly became one of those celebrities who need only one name. I mean, part of that is because there aren’t any other famous Lupitas (like, there are a LOT of famous Jennifers; Garner, Lopez, Aniston, Lawrence), Read More ...
10 Dec 00:18

Can you tell the difference between what's real and what's not in these amazing illusions?

by Casey Chan
IKEA Monkey

WITCHCRAFT

Can you tell the difference between what's real and what's not in these amazing illusions?

It’s all about the perspective. Well, it’s also a little about how easily our eyes can be tricked. Here’s optical illusion expert BrussPup pulling the old perspective trick on us by making us think something is real when it’s not and making us believe something is fake when it’s actually the real object. It’s a fun video because he doubles down on the effect by zooming in on the photos up close. They still look totally 3D at that distance but they’re not.

Read more...

09 Dec 17:58

This Fucking Guy: Pharma Monster Martin Shkreli Buys Only Copy of New, Secret Wu-Tang LP

by Anna Merlan
IKEA Monkey

Fuck this guy

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli has made quite a name for himself this year, astronomically ratcheting up the cost of the anti-parasitic drug Daraprim and, per a lawsuit, being a real shit. Now he’s the proud owner of the sole copy of a priceless Wu-Tang album, because nothing in this world is fair.

Read more...










09 Dec 16:27

Rick Santorum, Still Running for President, Is Bummed More Women Are Attending College 

by Anna Merlan on The Slot, shared by Kate Dries to Jezebel
IKEA Monkey

I honestly forgot he existed

Welcome to You Still Here?, a new regular column on The Slot examining people you totally forgot were running for President.

Read more...










08 Dec 23:52

Ryan: Trump comments 'not who we are'

IKEA Monkey

He's the one thing that unites all sides of the aisle.

House Speaker Paul Ryan sharply condemned Donald Trump, his party's front-runner presidential candidate, on Tuesday, following Trump's call to ban all Muslims from entering the United States.









08 Dec 22:08

Ultra-Fast Google Fiber Internet Could Be Coming To Chicago

by Mae Rice
IKEA Monkey

*grabby hands*

Ultra-Fast Google Fiber Internet Could Be Coming To Chicago Ultra-fast Google Fiber internet, with connection speeds of roughly 1,000 megabits per second, might be coming to Chicago. [ more › ]








08 Dec 22:04

Russia Gives France Puppy After K-9 Killed in Paris Attacks

by Erik Ortiz
IKEA Monkey

good news of the day

Russian police puppy Dobrynya will take the place of Diesel, who died in an anti-terrorism operation in France last month.









08 Dec 15:10

Simba? You Look Different Than In The Movies

IKEA Monkey

David

Gif of dog dressed as lion

Submitted by: (via tumblr )

Tagged: gif , dogs , lion , golden retriever
08 Dec 15:04

Police: Father & Son Team Stole $41K Worth Of Chicken Wings From Their Employer

by Mary Beth Quirk
IKEA Monkey

Its a family thing

(Coyoty)
Some days you just need to start off with some news about meat theft, and today is one of those occasions: a father and son team near Syracuse, NY have been accused by police of pilfering about $40,000 worth of chicken wings from the restaurant where they both worked as cooks.

According to the Onondaga County Sheriff’s office [PDF], the 56-year-old man and his 33-year-old offspring would then peddle the stolen wings on the street to line their own pockets.

Allegedly, the duo would place a bunch of chicken wing orders with the wholesaler the restaurant dealt with. Then they’d go pick up the wings and resell them on the cheap to undercut their employer. The police say the men billed about $41,000 worth of wing orders to the restaurant’s account between February 2015 and November 21.

They’ve both been charged with grand larceny and falsifying business records. If convicted, they’ll earn themselves a spot in the Meat-Stealing Hall Of Infamy.

(h/t Associated Press)

07 Dec 16:40

Public Split On Biggest Worry — Terrorism vs. Gun Violence

by Mark Murray
IKEA Monkey

Gun violence IS terrorism

Americans are split on their biggest worry, with 36 percent saying it's a terrorist attack and 31 percent saying it's gun violence.









07 Dec 13:55

Fuckin' Craig Mazin: An Appreciation of Ted Cruz's College Roommate 

by Anna Merlan on The Slot, shared by Julianne Escobedo Shepherd to Jezebel
IKEA Monkey

This is amazing

This endless and deeply tragic week in America has brought us precisely one good thing: a reminder that Craig Mazin exists, the one-time roommate and lifelong enemy of Ted Cruz. Fuckin’ Craig. Love that guy.

Read more...










07 Dec 13:51

Right-Wing Gun Idolator Erick Erickson Flies Into a Rage, Shoots Up a Piece of Paper 

by Melissa Cronin
IKEA Monkey

He seems stable, like the kind of rational, level-headed person who should have a firearm

Conservative blogger, unrepentant sexist, Twinkie opponent and fat man who hates fat lesbians Erick Erickson has a strong opinion about The New York Times’ front-page editorial calling for tighter gun laws in the wake of a spate of mass shootings in the U.S.

Read more...










06 Dec 21:57

Cry-Baby of the Week: A Man Was Arrested For Handing Out Fliers on Jury Rights Outside a Court

by Jamie Lee Curtis Taete
IKEA Monkey

I can't decide!!

It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: Judge Peter Jaklevic

Keith Wood. Screencaps via Fox 17 and Google Maps

The incident: A guy handed out fliers about jury rights in front of a courthouse.

The appropriate response: Nothing.

The actual response: The man was arrested and charged with a felony.

Last week, 39-year-old Keith Wood handed out fliers from the Fully Informed Jury Association outside the Mecosta County Courthouse in Big Rapids, Michigan.

The fliers contained information on jury nullification, which is when a juror delivers a not-guilty decision for someone they believe is guilty because they think that person shouldn't be punished for the crime. This is usually when the juror thinks the law is immoral.

According to the Fully Informed Jury Association, most judges do not include information about jury nullification in the instructions they provide to potential jurors.

After handing out about 50 of the fliers, Keith told West Michigan'sFox 17 he was approached three times by various court employees and asked to go inside the courthouse. He says he declined the first two times, but went inside on the third occasion after being threatened with arrest.

Once inside, Keith claims he was approached by Mecosta County District Judge Peter Jaklevic. "Judge Jaklevic came out of his chambers, he looked at me, he looked down the hall, I didn't know who he was looking at, and then he looked back towards me and the deputy and he said, 'Arrest him for jury tampering,'" Keith said.

Keith was arrested and charged with felony obstruction of justice and attempting to influence jurors. The penalty for the obstruction charge is up to five years in jail and a maximum $10,000 fine. The influencing charge comes with up to one year in jail, and a maximum $1,000 fine. His bond was set at $150,000.

"When he told me the bond, again I was speechless," Keith told Fox."$150,000 bond for handing out a piece of paper on a public sidewalk? Speechless."

"It's free speech for goodness sake," Keith's attorney, Dave Kallman, told the TV station. "The judge directly ordered him to be arrested for jury tampering for tampering with a jury that didn't exist—now wrap your head around that."

"If you don't use your rights, you lose them," Keith told MLive."It's not illegal to fully inform jurors, it's just that judges don't do it anymore."

Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed man in Australia

Photos via Wikimedia Commons and Google Maps

The incident: A guy saw a spider in his house.

The appropriate response: Killing it, or escorting it from the building somehow.

The actual response: He freaked out so hard that his neighbors called the cops because they thought a woman was being murdered.

According to a post made on Facebook by the New South Wales Police Force, they received multiple reports of a violent domestic dispute in Wollstonecraft, Sydney, on the 21st of November.

According to the callers, they had heard a woman "screaming hysterically" from inside an apartment, followed by a man yelling, "I'm going to kill you, you're dead! Die die!" The sound of furniture being thrown around could apparently also be heard.

Police say they went to the man's apartment and asked to speak to his wife or girlfriend. He told them that he did not have either, and lived alone.

After explaining to him that they'd had reports of a domestic dispute involving the screams of a woman, police say the man "became very sheepish."

"It was a spider," he reportedly told them. "A really big one."

The noise had apparently been the man chasing the spider around his apartment with a can of insecticide. "I really, really hate spiders," he said.

After checking the man's apartment, the police left.

Who here is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:

Previously: A woman who allegedly attacked a waitress in a dispute over all-you-can-eat pancakes vs. a person who vandalized the sign of a store called Isis.

Winner: The pancake lady!!!

Follow Jamie Lee Curtis Taete on Twitter.

05 Dec 21:17

Front page NY Times editorial on gun control

by Jason Kottke

In their first page one editorial since 1920, the NY Times argues for strict gun control.

But motives do not matter to the dead in California, nor did they in Colorado, Oregon, South Carolina, Virginia, Connecticut and far too many other places. The attention and anger of Americans should also be directed at the elected leaders whose job is to keep us safe but who place a higher premium on the money and political power of an industry dedicated to profiting from the unfettered spread of ever more powerful firearms.

It is a moral outrage and a national disgrace that civilians can legally purchase weapons designed specifically to kill people with brutal speed and efficiency. These are weapons of war, barely modified and deliberately marketed as tools of macho vigilantism and even insurrection. America's elected leaders offer prayers for gun victims and then, callously and without fear of consequence, reject the most basic restrictions on weapons of mass killing, as they did on Thursday. They distract us with arguments about the word terrorism. Let's be clear: These spree killings are all, in their own ways, acts of terrorism.

I don't really want to get into it on a sunny Saturday morning, but 1) this doesn't go far enough for me...I'm one of those people who does want guns taken away from everyone; and 2) the media also needs to make tough choices about how and how much they cover shootings like this. CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin can't write an essay about how she's sick and tired of reporting on gun violence and then her network gives their viewers a guided tour of the apartment where the suspects in the San Bernardino shooting lived (which Baldwin tweeted out to her followers advising them to TURN ON #CNN).

Tags: Brooke Baldwin   gun   journalism   NY Times
05 Dec 18:17

Great Job, Internet!: Ken Marino and Joe Lo Truglio drink the hoppiest beer ever produced

by Chris Dart
IKEA Monkey

Corey

In the latest edition of his web series “That’s Odd, Let’s Drink It,” Dogfish Head Brewery founder Sam Calagione links up with his former college roommates and current Hollywood actors Ken Marino (Marry Me) and Joe Lo Truglio (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) to help him debut his new beer Hoo Lawd IPA.

Before they do that, Marino and Lo Truglio spend a lot of time making fun of Calagione and reminiscing about their college days, when they used to steal barley wine and Calagione would brew beer in their living room.

Calagione gets them back, though, when he has them try Hoo Lawd, which he has engineered to be the hoppiest beer ever, basically breaking the scales at 658.5 International Bittering Units. (To give you some perspective, even the hoppiest IPAs rarely break 100. Hoo Lawd actually contains experimental hops, which we didn’t realize was a thing until ...

05 Dec 18:14

Staff Picks: Prehistoric comics, bike safety lights, and an elemental Milwaukee band

by David Anthony, Alex McCown, Caitlin PenzeyMoog

Ggoolldd

For a few years in college I worked hard to deaden my hearing by attending lots of loud shows put on by Milwaukee bands—there’s a vibrant local music scene there that produces some outstanding live shows—but since I moved to Chicago I’ve had to be content with the far inferior ear-bud variety of sound. It can be hard to unravel the objective quality of a band with the associations of happy memories made while seeing them live. But no such subjective evaluations cloud my love of Ggoolldd, who hit the scene in a big way since I left Milwaukee and whose output is a small but stellar collection of impeccably produced synthpop. Margaret Butler’s strong vocals float on top of earworm beats and sleek, layered instrumentals that sound as polished as any bigger-budget band. Ggoolldd just put out a stellar EP, “For The Night ...

05 Dec 00:00

Big Ass Lizard.

by Clover Hope
IKEA Monkey

That's a big lizard

Imagine whistling a good song while walking outside your home and then seeing this monstrous scientifically named Mega Lizard climbing up the bricks. It’d probably ruin your day.

Read more...










04 Dec 14:34

Add Depth to Just About Any Dish with Fish Sauce

by Walter Glenn
IKEA Monkey

Its one of my secret kitchen weapons! It adds umami, just like adding anchovies to Italian sauces adds depth of flavor without a "fishy" flavor.

Fish sauce is usually associated with specific forms of Asian cooking, but it can add real depth to many dishes without making them taste fishy.

Read more...











04 Dec 02:27

Blackalicious Brought Back The Tongue-Twisting ‘Alphabet Aerobics,’ But This Time With Sports

by Ryan O'Connell
IKEA Monkey

Siiiiiiiiick

Subscribe to UPROXX

All the way back in 1999, Blackalicious, a hip-hop duo comprised of rapper Gift of Gab and producer/DJ Chief Xcel, dropped the EP A2G. The EP’s most celebrated and best known track was the fierce, tongue-twisting tour-de-force “Alphabet Aerobics,” a two and a half-minute lyrical firestorm produced by Cut Chemist of Jurassic 5. The song features Gift of Gab making his first grade teacher proud, literally rapping from “A” to “Z.”

Every couplet in the song is jammed with words starting with a specific letter and after two lines, the rapper moves on to the next letter of the alphabet. By the time he reaches “Y,” the pace has hit such a breakneck and frantic point that he becomes incredibly hard to understand. The track has become the stuff of hip-hop legend and was granted somewhat of a rebirth in 2014 when Harry Potter himself, Daniel Radcliffe, ripped through the song on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

Now the song is back, this time around with a sports theme. Bleacher Report enlisted Blackalicious to put together a remix of the song; same rules apply, but this time, Bleacher Report asked that they please make it about sports. Blackalicious happily complied, and the result, “Sports Alphabet,” is another killer example of Gift of Gab’s lyrical prowess. Starting at “A” and “alley-alley-alley-alley-oop” and going all the way to “Z” and “zero zero zero on the clock,” practically every sport there is finds themselves being represented.

Blackalicious has also returned to our lives with a new studio album, their first in 10 years. Imani, Vol. 1 was released in September.

(Via Bleacher Report)

04 Dec 01:08

People on terror lists can buy guns

IKEA Monkey

Seems about right

In the hours following the San Bernardino, California, shooting, a frustrated President Barack Obama called for Congress to pass a law that would prevent individuals on the "No Fly List" who are barred from boarding commercial flights from legally purchasing firearms.









04 Dec 00:35

Report: Ya Boy Ethan Couch Violating Probation

by Brendan O'Connor
IKEA Monkey

this mayonaise motherfucker

Texas’ infamous “affluenza ” teen Ethan Couch, on probation for four counts of intoxication manslaughter, after he struck and killed four people while going 70 mph in a 40 mph zone in 2013, is under investigation for potentially violating the terms of his probation.

Read more...










03 Dec 20:42

News in Brief: ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

SAN BERNARDINO, CA—In the hours following a violent rampage in southern California in which two attackers killed 14 individuals and seriously injured 17 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Michigan resident Emily Harrington, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep these ...











03 Dec 18:58

Muslim Leaders Condemn 'Revolting' Massacre

by F. Brinley Bruton
IKEA Monkey

"Why aren't the so-called moderate Muslims coming out against the actions of these so-called extremists??!?!?!" - well here you go

Islamic community leaders in reacted with shock and disbelief to after an apparently Muslim couple were thought to have carried out a shooting rampage.









03 Dec 18:11

Watch a Terrifying Oscar Isaac Stalk His Victim in the Trailer for ‘Mojave’

by Andrew Leung
IKEA Monkey

This guy is having a real break-out year

mojaveoscarisaac

Though Oscar Isaac is gearing up for one of the biggest films in his career, the Golden Globe nominated actor from Inside Llewyn DavisA Most Violent YearEx-Machina and Show Me a Hero has yet another forthcoming (albeit smaller) project: Mojave

Directed by William Monahan (Oscar-winning screenwriter for 2006’s The Departed), the film is a meta cat-and-mouse crime thriller about a depressed filmmaker (played by Garrett Hedlund) who escapes the desert, where he happens to meet a homicidal drifter (played by Isaac). The film premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival back in April, and yesterday, Entertainment Tonight released an exclusive trailer.

Mojave is available early for DirecTV Cinema subscribers starting today, and will be released in theaters on January 8th, 2016 via A24 Films.

Watch the trailer below:

(h/t /Film)

03 Dec 18:10

Nick Offerman Hits Peak Nick Offerman with 45 Minute Yule Log Whiskey Endorsement Video

by Moze Halperin
Nick Offerman Fireside

You are about to see the least surprising video of all time. Nothing is more quintessentially Nick Offerman-ish than silence, whiskey, and a lit fireplace: an yet, until now, we’ve never seen all three of these should-be-inseparable elements together at once for any memorable length. But the length of a new promotional video for Lagavulin happens to be 45 minutes.

Yes, you can now sit with Nick Offerman for 45 minutes, letting the crackling fire and the occasional pouring and sipping say all that needs to be said. Should you not have a real fireplace or a real Nick Offerman in your home this holiday season, this video would be the perfect thing to put on loop to provide some respite from the more vociferous members of your family (who presumably aren’t Nick Offerman).

Offerman’s spin on traditional Yule Log videos isn’t his first endorsement of the whiskey brand. Watch the rest here.

03 Dec 05:24

Sandra Bullock Just Adopted a 3-Year-Old Girl Named Laila

by Bobby Finger
IKEA Monkey

Awwww!!

The more entertaining tabloids have been reporting Sandy B’s second adoption for months now, but today People confirmed it in an exclusive cover story (shot by ~Bryan Randall ~). Louis Bullock’s little sister is 3-year-old Laila, “a little girl from Louisiana who had been in foster care.”

Read more...










03 Dec 02:14

Ex-lawmaker flips position on gun violence research

IKEA Monkey

Hindsight is 20/20

The former Republican congressman who pushed legislation nearly 20 years ago that effectively banned the federal government from funding research on gun violence is calling on Congress to reverse that law.









02 Dec 23:35

Wendy's Adds New Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger and Bacon Fondue Fries

by Q
IKEA Monkey

Those fries are not appealing

Wendy's adds an extra-cheesy burger to the menu with the new, limited-time Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger featuring aged Gouda and a Swiss Gruyere cheese sauce.

Beside the cheeses, the Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger also includes a quarter pound beef patty, garlic aioli, three strips of applewood-smoked bacon, red onions, tomato, and spring mix on a toasted brioche bun.
Additionally, the Swiss Gruyere sauce is also featured in new, limited-time Bacon Fondue Fries, which features an order of natural-cut, sea salt fries topped with the sauce and bits of applewood-smoked bacon.

The suggested price for the new burger is $4.99, while the price for the Bacon Fondue Fries is $1.99.

Nutritional Info - Wendy's Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger
Calories - 640 (from Fat - 340)
Fat - 38g (Saturated Fat - 16g)
Sodium - 1160mg
Carbs - 37g (Sugar - 6g)
Protein - 37g

Nutritional Info - Wendy's Bacon Fondue Fries
Calories - 460 (from Fat - 230)
Fat - 25g (Saturated Fat - 8g)
Sodium - 590mg
Carbs - 45g (Sugar - 1g)
Protein - 13g
Read more at Brand Eating!
02 Dec 23:34

Maintenance Workers Find 26.2 Pounds Of Cocaine Stashed On American Airlines Plane

by Mary Beth Quirk
IKEA Monkey

One pound for each mile of the cocaine marathon I'm gonna run!

(KJRH)
If you left a package containing a bunch of bricks of cocaine on an American Airlines jet, law enforcement in Tulsa, OK would like to speak with you.

Maintenance workers who were assigned to an American jet that was in for service at Tulsa International Airport stumbled upon 26.2 pounds of white powder stowed on the aircraft, reports KJRH.com (warning: link has video that autoplays).

It’s unclear where the drugs were stashed, or if there are any suspects. The Drug Enforcement Agency was notified, and agents removed a total of 10 packages of the white powdery substance from the plane. It was later identified as cocaine.

“Narcotics were discovered on a Boeing 757 during routine maintenance at the Tulsa Maintenance and Engineering Base,” the carrier said in a statement. “Upon discovery, American immediately contacted law enforcement. Our Corporate Security team is working directly with law enforcement during their investigation.”

26.2 pounds of cocaine found on American Airlines airplane at Tulsa International Airport Tuesday [KJRH.com]